I thought about that a bit. Was I that critical of the staff? Yes, I was. I was even borderline resentful. I really disliked how anytime one asked a question in the DM chat, I rarely got a response. I disliked how difficult it was to get an event for the guild I was with (and the lie we were told that if you just RP, lots of events will come to you. That's an ideal, but not the reality. You need to send in requests), and especially that 50% of the time the DM didn't show up to the event that had been agreed upon. The other 50% they showed up, 1-2 hours late, and the few times they made it on time they immedietely told us to wait for an hour to setup. I've no idea what they did setup, because in all the events I was part of I never once saw a single placable, never once saw a custom made creature, and besides a single event with DM Golem just prior to becoming an ADM, never a VFX effect. I really disliked how the events had content for 10 minutes, but often lasted for 4-5 hours straight, mostly with the players just standing idle. Then there was the neglience in item balance, ignorance while speaking in QC, or just that there never really seemed to be a DM logged in.
But the thing is, I never really voiced these things publically. What the quote came from was instead that I often criticized the server, constructively, on how it could get better. It was all about creating a persistent world. I've had these "rants" often, so I'll be brief, but the very idea is a world that constantly progresses instead of returning to a status quo after each event or metaplot, one with consequences and conflict that inspires RP. It's one of the best things that Llothian society for example creates, the constant rivalry over the smallest of things creates RP out of nothing, which Sshamath will never do. This is what I voiced so often.
I'll tell you though, that becoming a DM changes your perspective. For me, I felt that everything I thought about DM:ing and the server, was about 50% right and 50% wrong. I also gradually came to realize that I had made a massive error in my arguments that led up to being called "one of our most vocal critics".
My error was that in my head the idea of a persistent world was so brilliantly good and so much better than what we had, that I was convinced that everyone thought like I did. The stubborn opposition from a few community members, many whom one rarely saw online and were often in staff positions, were just a foe one had to convince of the obvious. A part of me still feel it's obvious. It was thus a shock for me to gradually learn that it's not the case, through watching and interacting with all of our players. I believe that I've read many times that what people most desire is storylines, 3-5 events following a progression, with the same 4-6 people. The reality is different, I came to learn, as people just can't schedule it and it's not always cherished. This is quite frankly why DMs often turn to guilds. Guilds are a larger body, which means that the same people don't have to be part of event 1 as event 2, but the information is still kept within the group and so the story continues. You don't get that with random people working together because they can't get together consistently. While the guilds have this upside, for me it's always been a bit of a disappointment with them too.
I came from a guild on this server where the average attendance is usually 10, or if its really low activity 6, and in times of high activity we had up to 20. I DM:ed for nearly every guild on the server during 2015 except my own, and the average attendance was 2-3. Still, we make do. So if it isn't these storylines with a regular sized party, what do players want?
As I've figured it out so far, it seems to be public mass events. It's preferred by some if its publically annonced on the forums, but if the BG siege is any indication, few people actually show up because they've read the forums. People show up because its announced on the shout, and so that seems to be where collective behaviour takes us; mass events, publically announced by shout. It doesn't matter what the theme is, or whom takes part, as there are dozens of players who frequently ask IG if "there is a public event today that they can join" everyday.
Perhaps this comes from the fact that nearly no DM do these kind of events, and instead focus on guilds or the odd player request (which often is guild related), leaving a big section of the playerbase without events and hungry for them. Shout events are as such desirable because they require no effort (no need to send in a player request and wait for 2 weeks for a response etc.) on behalf of the player. I think this isn't far from the truth, as spontaneous events are also rare and are often met with much more enthusiasm than guild events because they often hit players that never get into events. It's definitely something our staff should work on, mass events and spontaneous events.
As for the persistent world, it falls a bit because of these things, but I've also continually been told by other DMs that people hate losing, that players should rarely lose, and consequences and such are minimized when the average player preferences are heard.
Still, all of this criticism above is something I had close at heart. I didn't go into DM:ing to help the community as my main goal, if I'm honest. I even resisted the temptation to become a DM for the longest time (Which is why I picked Bloodlust, as I gave away my intended name DM Fugue to a friend of mine as he became a DM
), but eventually as I felt something akin to resentment I made up my mind and applied. What I wanted was this; If anyone in the future would come up to me and say "See? DM:ing is difficult. You didn't do better yourself" then they would be damn wrong. That was all there actually was to it. On my DM application they asked why I would be a good DM, and I wrote:That's what I've been trying to do. I've so far done around 240 events each at least 45 minutes long, not counting all the mini-events, which is more than the rest of our staff combined in 2015. I've explored and mastered the client, written guides informing other DMs of how it works, rewritten the information you find under server rules and information and pushed the metaplot forward. I've tried to answer every question on the DM chat even when busy, and out of all of those events I've missed a total of 3 which I'm still ashamed of. I've also used what I've learnt to bring in as many cool creatures, VFX effects and environments as I possibly could given the tools I had available, and I hope and think that I did a good job at it.DM Bloodlust wrote:Because I can do a good job, a better job even.
Because this is sort of my resignation post.
At this week ends, I'll no longer be a DM. Despite how critical this post can seem to be, it has absolutely nothing to do with it. I'm just exhausted. In 2015, I've been 98% DM, 2% player, and it takes its toll in numerous ways. DM:ing is somewhat of a thankless job, but not due to the lack of praise (though, we dont get much of it
). It's that the more you put into it, the more uphill you're going on a daily basis and the more criticism one gets. I've been very active, so I get a lot of pushback on everything and it gradually feels like you're going from walking, to walking knee-deep in water, to mud, to cement.That's partly due to the fact that the idea of a persistent world has never really left me, and it lived through me a bit in the metaplot with the Talonite army and all of those events. Complex, epic, detailed, spiced with an unsure outcome. I bang my head against a wall trying to convince fellow DMs just as much now as then, on why we can't end the metaplot with a single event in november and really need to have a massive multiple event ending and things like that to make a good story.
If DM:ing has done something to me, it's to make me feel more alone. I don't really understand the player drama or most players, and I've a different perspective on how to approach events in order to create the best and most immersive stories among ourselves so I have difficulties understanding my fellow DMs as well. I feel disparate from the community in that way, which is both a strength and a curse. Especially since my conviction in the support of a persistent setting has been mangled. But it has also made me a better individual, more tempered in arguments and more open-minded. It has probably made me a better person just by the problems and challenges that has been overcome, and despite the many discussions I've had behind closed DM doors it has certainly done me good.
I think that the current staff is the best we've ever had, but that's also something that has always been said. I think what we ought to ask is if its good enough, and personally I don't think we're quite there yet. Still, one has to recognize how amazing it is that we're at a better place than ever before. Think about it for a minute. The community doesn't have that influx of people as it used to have. It's certainly not the 6th of June 2013 when most people were logged in on the forums at once, anymore. It should be that as time progresses the staff gets worse as the good people disappear. In reality though, I think it's more that the good people stay. I've often been amazed at the ease with which DM Gogo and I have learnt things about the toolset that all the numerous DMs who came before us have been absolutely clueless about. It's thanks to our efforts that we can now get rid of stuck individual quests, see amazing VFX effects, make more interesting and higher levelled NPCs, damage you all at will (for story purposes!), create multiple portals, read your examine buttons and many more things.
There are several DMs I respect and is thankful towards, and many more players whom have proved to be excellent roleplayers and people. I might criticize guilds, but not their members, and I've been pleasantly surprised time and again at many different characters and what they try to do. I hope that they get even more creative in the future. I've gotten a few really good memories and stories out of it in fact.
So for now, I'll resign. I'll be demoted for at least 2+ months, maybe more. I might not even return to DM:ing, but I can say that despite it all, I do love it. I love the creativity of it, and my favourite events have always been trying to stretch what was possible with the engine and still make it look good when pulled off. That's both in coming up with new ideas, as well as responding to crazy ideas that characters have and solving them quickly in the moment (like, creating a landslide, or simulating a ruin crumbling all around people). In the meantime, I'll try and rediscover my love of the game as a player so I won't leave you. I've already begun that in some small amount by making a new character that I'll stick to as my main, leaving my other two characters on ice. I just want to start fresh, free of any restraints, and see where it takes me with a half-decent build and an interesting RP concept.
If anyone was curious on whom I am as a player, here is the reveal:
Hidden: show
any volunteers? 
