Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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*exhausted, tired, broken in both spirit and heart, just lies down on the familiar bed of Candlekeep*

"22 Ches 1357

..what's wrong with this place?

there is a deamon incursion...people should try to put aside their grudges, their problems, trying to defend the land...what i see? good people beliving the lies of a snake that is Zamari, the one that was a deamon among deamons and got rebuked, now screaming "assassin" around. I do not really care, i have far too many witnesses on what really happened,if at the Gate want to believe her lies so be it...i am really at the point of not caring anymore.

Deamons attacks and what they do? they bicker. They fight. They kill eachother for...grudges and pride and lies.And i?..i just watched. Both sides were wrong, both sides were right; banites trying to defend the lands and people of the houses, people that should defend lives and protect the land, trying to kill them because "being with a drow".This is messed up. This is not right.There is no way that i can take a part, there is no, NO, possible side that could make this right... I cannot even call for aid to the the only persons that comes to mind during the midts of the battle, that get yelled at for Lyna sending to the wrong person.

..this is madness.I bet that Alarielle became what she is now...and whoever blames her is either an idiot as she says or blind, because this is TOO MESSED UP for not been seen...but of course, they are just that blind.

..maybe she is right. While i still can should just open a Gate to the House of Nature, leave this plane and just observe with some scrying they killing eachother apart during an invasion, because is the only thing they are able to do it seems.I mean, who am i kidding? i cannot stop them. I am not even able to make myself get listened by Lyna, how could i stop someone like that mad dwarf of house Vale? he LITTERALY did the most stupid thing that could do, and now a war between them and the Blackrose could arise for this. I called out, took Lyna and went away. I will not partake in their madness, deamons and cultists have priority.

..and now i..need to rest. I want just to sleep and forget this...cursed mad world.."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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"24 Ches 1357

I start to become scared of my resilience and how much i start to not care.After what happened at the bridge, everything went exactly how i expected it to be...Oth and Nathan just don't listen, i tried to told them of the fact that while unable to control who i rebuke, the fact that an horde can be stopped and pain spared from others just passed through their ears. I provided proofs and evidences of both her wickedness and what happened that night, they ignored it and just said that had their own informants. Right, well, what can i say at this point if not suit themselves? i know what i saw, i know what those that fought with me saw...they were not even there and pretend to know everything.

I decided to just stay away from the Gate. In the end, the Halls are better with me off afterall and i will keep protecting them and aid from afar...but what is most surprisingly and maybe a bit more scary? miss Netanya is right. She is composed, cold and very likely wicked...but she is right when said 'stop listening to their bickering and spend that time to get things done'. Yesterday i did just that, focused on the researches and patrols. Of course, the spider cult ambushed me one more time, but i was not alone this time...my companions were by my side, they know what we are fighting against and why..but they are not ready. We need to train more and they need better equipment. I will try to travel more often with Bhor and Eisenhorn, thanks to them i always manage to find some relics..like the sword of Lathander that Bhor found yesterday.

Now..the next step: what to do with these new results, with this new truth...the factions of the Gate will very likely not listen, but are also the only ones that can stop this madness. For now, i will reach for those that believes in me and have much more experience in these matters and try to follow their advice.Problem is...i have to make them promise to not let these things out. It is too dangerous for them..after that, as dangerous as it may be, will be left only with one option left to whom turn to...probably i should prepare myself for the Great Beyond, because after the last time she will surely yell to me to death...or worst.

Kinda miss to see her laugh...it was nice here at the Song the last time, despite what Avery said. I..have so many funny stories to tell her, tell them. I will share Atria prayer and wish, for those days to come back at the end of this long night-"

*someone askes for him and with a sigh is forced to interrupt* ((will edit later more!))
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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*after leaving the gate he would just take a caravan, avoiding other gazes avoiding other words, he just wants to go away*

"25 Ches 1357

I wonder why i am always a helpless child in front of her...even before all of this, she just..danced and talked around me and i was caught in that like a boat pushed by the flow of a river. I approached not really hoping or expecting something..why did i approach? she is right, if i wanted to know how she was doing, i could had just ask Alyssia...i could had ask my informants, i could had...i could had just walk away..instead? i do the same mistake, over and over again...someone hurts me, i forgive them even without they saying they are sorry and try to reapproach...and in the end, it ends with everyone getting hurt again.I should had just stay away...i will stay away.

Afterall, she is right...i am not good enough to be what the others believe, i am not what the feys expect me to be i am not what my Lord ask me to be. Beacon of hope? champion of the morning? big brother of the coast? who they are kidding...i am not good enough, she is right,she is right,she is-"

*toss the journal in a corner of the wagon, curling up on himself, silently crying now that is left alone and unseen by anyone*
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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*Resting on the couch of the inn, his gaze wander to the inn filled with humans, some recognising him and waving others just enjoying their meals.A couple was on the other side of the hall enjoying their time togheter, making him lower his gaze and taking a deep breath.Reaches for his journal once again, a bit tattered after that throw, and begins to write*

"27 Ches 1357

I had read too much in Alyssia reapproach...in the good omen sended from Milikki..I should had imagined was just my wishful thinking.I am also starting to realize what a powerful and scary feeling love is...did not felt it for so long that i forgot...i thought got rid of most of it, that just being able to do casual chat with eachother was enough.Yet, the words she said they..stroke quite deep...making me realize something that i only hinted when i was back at the Halls, but i always pushed back because i did not want to be a problem for Adrian or her...i thought was only the love of a sibling, something that you feel for someone that lives with you and you feel in sync with....but now i realize.I realize that i did a very stupid thing.Afterall, i will stay away from them. Is for the best

I have been angry at myself, lately, because even when i have so many people around me, appreciating,supporting and loving the person i am, i still try to reach for more...to let new hope grow from old seeds...i keep doing this to myself and those around me when i really should not.Arendyl is right, i have to find my Evermeet and leave definitely the past behind, they will not come back...and as miss Netanya says, the more time i lose in trying to make them realize the lies they are believing in, the less i get done.Soubar is on the edge of destruction, yesterday we realized fully how much of a threat the yuanti and their new allies pose to the town...what happened with Dral and Aunrae, as i suspected, made only things even worst. We managed to push throught the moors but lack of discipline and attention bringed us that far. When we were starting to prepare some evacuation plan, being pushed back untill the town, the Blackrose arrived bringing more defenders...we managed to get back the bridge but that is a very little victory.They will come again

Lyna suggested to leave the coast..leave all their bickering all their lies all their "politics" behind and just head towards new horizons and adventures...eh. I get her, i really do.She is here since a short time thought, she did not met all the people i have met...she did not hear their wishes and hopes, neither the requests from the divine.I have choose this, i have did it many weeks ago, i have choose to stand up against this madness...and the moment i turn my back and run, then Lily would had been right, it would mean i did it all for myself.Maybe she is right, maybe she is not...at this point? i do not really care. Is better if i don't, it will cause less troubles in the future,both for her and for myself, but one thing i know? is that never so far i did any of this for myself.If i did, i would had not send the missive to Alarielle few moments ago. I promised to not seek her out again, but is no use, she is the one that needs these informations.

I will have also to reach for Aiden, Fenwick and the others. Althought probably will be easier to organize another meeting but this time even i am not sure i have time for that...we will see."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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*once again in a safe location, Kelian sighs heavily looking at the night sky, pondering while gazing to the stars. After few moments of that silence his hands reach for the Journal once more*

"29 Ches 1357

Has been...some days. As always. Once again i cried my eyes out...i tried to hold it as best i could but seeing my friend like that..tired, down..hopeless. It hurts. I'd wish to be able to be good enough to help them...good enough to just keep making them smile even in the worst moments. I managed to somewhat make her feel better, i am glad of that, but nonetheless i feel ashamed of myself for just crying when i am powerless...and they keep having faith in me when i do not manage to understand why.

I do not really think to deserve to be held in such consideration, i am..just doing my best, like everyone.Anyway, after the battle at the bridge they seems to not have yet lost hope on the North, that is good, but the Houses will not move as i feared for what happened between Dral and Aunrae.For gods sake, i never pretend them to go along or something, but at least i hoped they would manage to put aside their hatred for this...i mean, i really despise the Blackrose for what they do when nobody watches, and let's not talk about the church of Bane..yet, there are innocents at Soubar that have nothing to do with their pettiness and their politics.And let's not talk about the implication on the war...if these hordes conquer the north, things will be even more difficult.

I have several plans in motions now, i tried to share few of them with the people of the Gate, does that i believe are not infiltrated or corrupted...and speaking of that...Alyssia approached once again. I will never get her, she approached once more softly gently...i felt hurted and pushed her away at first, i am tired of her games and her attitude.I should had slam the door on her face like many said..but..i can't stop thinking at the good times..i should seek advice on this is..a part of me wish them back, another part feels pain everytime i see her for how she, they, pushed me away without even bat an eye.

Is ironic...even if i don't seek them, even if i know they don't like me or trust me, they still reach for me or listen to what i say.Oh, i am sure they will triple check what i say, i do not expect nothing less...i do not trust their motives either. Aiden looks like has more interests behind this story than it seems and Alyssia is just as selfish...speaking for hours of what "she" wants for others, without even caring for what others want. I really believed her to be different... No, i have to stay positive. She has the best intentions, even if are selfish, so for now i will try and aid...i will be careful in reapproaching her but will still try.That is the right thing to do.

I exposed my idea to sir Edwood and Jyn. Now i just have to consult with Candlekeep and then start sending the missives to the right persons...i am not sure i will manage this plan in time to avoid the fall of the North, i expect even more bickering to be honest but i hope to be wrong, still if i am fast enough maybe the people of Soubar can be saved before is too late...I really do not understand this Blake, he seems to wish to defend the town, yet refuse to make the people evacuate. The Radiants and Niyressa told me to speak with a certain Mags but...despite my best intentions, there are drows in that town. Is too dangerous for me to go there, i still have assassins on my back. Maybe if i go disguised..? but i am not really someone that ever done this things...damn, Tommy, i'd wish you here for this.

Anyway, a new day is starting...it will be another day of battles, either physical or mental, i have to focus now and pray. May the gods of light have mercy on our souls in these dark times."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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*Hidden in another of his places, Kelian takes a little deep breath after that weird conversation and observe the quiet glade. His hand goes not to the journal, not immediately, this time..but to a lock of hair holded togheter by a little red string. He caress it quite dearly and carefully, almost fearing to break it apart, smiling warmly..but after few moments put it back safely away and reaches for his Journal*

"1 Tarsakh 1357

Has been a couple of peaceful day, more or less...Lucia got mad at me, althought i am still confused on the reason, but despite that...the true enemy is still quiet, except for some weird skirmishes happening at the Gate. But i warned the "so called defenders" of that, so, is up to them now to defend that town for now...i am more concerned about some disturbing rumors of a new breed of spiders..i will reach to who was present to investigate it.

Mostly thought i am..trying to not give myself too much to it. The best way to deny that prophecy, afterall, maybe is just ignore it or go against it...if i do not get myself too involved, maybe i can avoid that fate afterall..and i am doing so trying to go back at what i used to do more in the past. Living adventures outside of political matters or "end of the world" ones.I will still try to help and uphold my promises, of course, but..i will not press myself too much. Afterall, Orcus being connected to Polvich could be just a misleading fact, still have to prove that but...it makes sense from few fragments i have gathered here and there.

Here we go again, i try to relax and distract and end up talking of the whole problem again...speaking of something nice i had a long chat with her, we did not since i started the war with the underdark.We laughed, we played, chatted for hours under the stars..it was nice...then i made a little joke about deserving a reward, i was just joking but...she still cutted a strand of her hair and gifted it to me.Maybe is just my wishful thinking again but..maybe i can have a normal life afterall...leave this whole prophecy mess behind and enjoy life, someone else will take up this fight no? Who knows, maybe in time even at the Gate will realize their fault and we will be able to mend.

I wonder if would be wrong go and visiting her now..."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*after a restless night and unable to rest properly in the afternoon either, he reached for the only true safe place that was left, the only that would had accepted him and would had been free from problems..but had enough of seeing people.The bed in that little room was all that needed.His hands reaches for the journal one more time*

"3 Tarkash 1357

I don't know why i am writing here...is not helping anymore. I am unable to sing..unable to relax..unable to trust..
One day. One single day was enough to realize how much i cannot escape this fate, these problems...where to start.

Everything happened yesterday...there was quite the gathering in the morning at Candlekeep, we were all having fun, relaxing, not thinking about our problems...then, troubles arrived directly at their gates. Poor Mark, he looks like a funny one to have around...i offered my help to Ed, but i understand if they will not..after what happened later, i do not blame them if they too think i am to be avoided

The spider cult is coming back again, they were only gathering strength as i feared...they are back with more stronger beasts...and this time they raised the aim too. Ten days, i have either to run and hide for ten days or find a way to stop whoever will be willing to get a bounty from the dhaerows.Seems in the end even the followers of the spiderwitch got pissed at me, decided that i will be a nice sacrifice for her wretched goddess.

And just because my enemies were not enough, seems also the followers of Shar, or at least someone affiliated since signs the Shadows, puts its eyes on me...i wanted to believe it was a prank, but after the talk with Brianna and some of the people i know, it seems not.I cannot tell her, she will feel guilty of it after what she told me...she already had a hard life, i will not let her feel guilty for something she is not at fault for.

and what happened with the myconoid..what i did i-"

*the writing just stops here and with a sigh the aasimar stands up to go outside and walk*

*hours later with an exasperated look sits on the border of the fountain, takes out his journal to write again*

well...it seems is really impossible to go without a day full of issues. Yesterday i had to grant the final mercy to a myconoid that was turning feral...he pleaded to me and i was..quite desperate this morning because of what i did. Lathander granted me still a chance for redemption and renew thanks to the efforts of sister Ashenie, oakfather Sane, sir Alexander. The myconoids at the village spoke through telepathy..i never really used it, nor knew how to control it...everyone could hear some of my many thoughts and, i am a bit scared of what they will think of me now...the myconids were not altered, they understood that what i did was out of mercy not cruelty...they forgave me and thanked me and Ashenie for the wards.oakfather Sane praised me and helped as well i..i was really blessed today.

but for the love of all gods...one day..i ask one day for something that is not a threat to the world...they spoke of an ancient evil, one that shook Lucia and Ashenie to the core. Is not certain is that and for now the joined effort of Brianna spiritual powers and my rebuking light managed to banish it, so, maybe they are just...scared by the words said by that shadow. Anyway, i will try to reach for Sane as soon as possibile with these informations...is not certain but, he should know and decide..if my help is needed i will try.

I am..getting tired of relationship really. Lucia is angered ad me again. Called me selfish because i tried to comfort her. Told me to leave because i wanted to help someone dear to me. I had to lie to Ashenie to not make her worried for my future, like Avery was terrified this morning...i..i cannot do this anymore..i cannot look at them and saying "is fine" when i first am lost...i do not want to be another worry for them...

Gods..lyna,eisen,florina..were are you...
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*looking at the stars from the tower of the wall of candlekeep, the aasimar looks somewhat still tired and annoyed but at least far better than the previous days. His hand reaches for the journal once more*

"5 Tarkash 1357

This is the third night that i spend here in candlekeep, by now many knows it i presume since Corneille litteraly stalked me outside of it. He said was there for another reason, but i do not believe his lies anymore.These days has been somewhat better respect the second and third of Tarkash...the very bad news is that Lucia is..well, she is trying to get some rest i guess..even if Ed says is not my fault, i cannot stop thinking that i brought so many issues here in these days...i would not be surprised if she got fed up because of that.

Good news...sir Edwood managed to convince the authorities of Beregost and soon food supplies will be sended to the Gate to help the starving population. Is not a long term solution, but is aid and should still provide relief for a time and improve relationships with the Dukes, so this is good. I asked for advice against the dhaerows to someone far more than expert of me on the matter...he pretty much said that i cannot win with the plan that we had in mind, but even so i will try something else. Besides, i managed to see the En Dharasha village..it was quite beautiful and magical have to admit...also Sane was there togheter with miss Natariel, and i suddenly realized a grave offence i did to his patron god...odd thought, i remembered that the term "oakfather" was used in their clergy like "morninglords" and "dawnlords" in that of Lathander...

ah well..i apologised and he forgave me, will have to pay more attentions with all these formal terms somehow. They were happy to know that Ed and Ashenie found informations about this new enemy quickly...Tirion also gave an advice on it while Sane and Natariel went to look more into the library of the village, he told me to not feed the beast.I believe to be a really good one.

So..i reached for the Halls,Alyssia already wanted to talk with me and the matter was urgent..so i sucked up my problems and faced my own fears. It..pretty much went as i thought initially; the place still made me wary and nervous..i have met Lily, and she was..pissed..to say the least..still, i stood my ground this time. She went quickly away, but is fine..i do not wish to make her even more sad.From there things went differently from how i thought it would had been, Alyssia welcomed me while a strange druid turned into a cat and slammed open the door...that was..uh, not sure how to describe it really, the scene of such a small animal opening that stone door...ah well.

She bringed me in the inner sanctum..honestly i did not question how, i did not question why..i was just so exhausted that even she realized it this time.I tried to be brief, to hear what she needed and what i had to say to her but again did not go exactly as i thought..i kept a respectful distance, thinking that she still hated my presence...instead, she invited me to sit next to her..i don't know really why but i started to expl-"

...*sighs*

"..no, i know perfectly why..i wanted to open up..i wanted someone to listen and to ease my burden. Lucia is right i am..so selfish..they have their own problems and burdens, i cannot just unleash my troubles to others..yet she listened..she offered aid. She embraced me and..and listened..it gave me a moment of rest that i needed so desperately...but during that, i was called again by sending...people needed me and i had to go. She told me that i could stay...i was so tempted, i just closed my eyes and let the peaceful mood and place just..wash away my problems.My mind went back to when i was in the Halls like that, where my worst worry was cleaning up the mess left at the bar ...that when i had some problems i could turn to my sisters and lily...

..but then i reminded myself why i took that path, why i took those choices...i want to protect them, but i cannot do so with so many shadows following me. I will just be another danger for them.I will count on her more, i promised that, but is better if i still avoid to go to the Halls...i will try to pass, once in a while, but with the spies and infiltrators still in the Gate, so long that they think that the relationship with them are still cold and hateful, they will be safe.

I stood up slowly to not hurt her and promised that would contact her again in the future...there is so much to do that the more people wishes to help the better."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

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"7 Tarkash 1357

Well..this is it..i kinda expected this day to come, after striking at them relentlessly they decided to hit back. I should feel honored? i think. Five hundred bags on my head...darn, i value as much as Dral, someone would say i should be happy of it...but eh, when you get attacked by assassins two times in the same day you kinda lose the will to laugh.Even Candlekeep is not safe anymore..or at least, despite Isabella insisting that is fine if i stay there, i would just put everyone in danger..Lucia already had a lot on it and Arendyll..i do not want to put them in harm's way...i know they would try to stop me and in fact only two people knows of the attacks, althought i believe that far too many knows already of the bounty.

Many people i learned to care for were at the campfire..few hours ago.I wanted to talk with them, laugh with them, like i used to do in the past a final time...well, is not like i go there to die but...i kinda expected this even before, when i stroke at them quietly, figures now. I wanted just to enjoy one final time togheter...and what i did? i stood in silence. I did not had any words and if i was too friendly, they would had been probably been targetted by the assassins next

I just wanted them to know how much i enjoyed our time togheter, how much i'd wish for things to be better how much everything was..fun and warm.I want to think they know how much our time togheter meant for me: Alyssia was always so kind and attentive that she could understand everytime when something was wrong, Adrian with his stories and adventures, Isabella with her continous rants and passion for knowledge, Edelgarde with her honesty and feat to see the good in everyone, Lucia with her funny jokes and strength...there are also so many more that i'd wish to meet and thanks...but all i could do was leaving istructions if worst comes to pass, if tonight i will not come back again.

I should try and stay positive thought. So far, the help i gave in foiling some machinations worked and if nothing else, Candlekeep knows of my deeds and effort...Isabella said would blow the horn for me in case i do not come back. Hurray i guess? i mean, so far have been either luck or protected by my Lord...it will work out again, so long that i keep doing what i do. I am not someone that runs afterall...not fleeing at least, i will run right straight into the heart of the problem. Either it will be solved or i would see my Lord soon enough."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*looking still around in the comfortable room tilts his head but in the end is out of the window with a tired sigh that he wonders after.Left with nothing to do, he just goes to his journal and sits down to write on the desk*

"9 Tarkash 1357

I am at a loss.So, good news are, i am still alive, and if Lathander's wills it, the bounty will be removed in few days..five if i counted it right, so many things are happening all togheter that i am litteraly losing the concept of time. Bad news is, still five days..i either have to hide in this golden cage or go out there and..well die, i guess."

*massages a bit the root of his nose*gods my jokes are becoming really terrible... *sighs and then goes back into writing*

"still, many offered their aid and i managed to overcome some of my fears and paranoia..asked for help to old friends and seems they offered shelter and protection.Candlekeep has too many issues and burdens, i do not wish to become one as well..for any of my friends to be honest, but..i must admit, yesterday she made me feel at peace and serenity...like i used to in the Halls months ago.I still have the lingering feeling that she wants just to use me..but at this point i simply don't care. I am too tired, too exhausted..even if her kindness that i believed in all this time is fake i don't care..i'd just wish to stop and rest..she offered me that and to aid eachother in our endeavours..

yet i cannot stop for long..i tried to stop at Beregost, they followed me. I tried to stop at Candlekeep, they gave me the chase still.I mean, alright, i did work a lot to stop their plans, but i always erased my tracks and asked people used to work in the shadows to do so as well...it worked for weeks, what betrayed me now?...well, doesn't matter. They won partially, i cannot work against them while hiding in this place...eh, who am i kidding. They will be upset, but i will go out again and see to put some long thorn in the back of whoever is aiming to the avoweds.

Also, i discovered that my dear friend's ghosts are chasing her again. I will have to dig around the Gate for this story, find any clue that could stop them from doing any more harm...she is happy where she is now and she deserve that happiness."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*once left the keep and teleported away to a safe location, Kelian sits down and decide to take a deep breath to calm down.He stretches up a little, reaching for the desk and writing on the journal left there*

"11 Tarkash 1357

Now has been two very nice days, despite the running from a shelter to another in disguise to avoid being pursued.Alyssia is being very kind with me..a deep corner of my mind fears to be a ruse still but..i am trying to ignore it, especially because with that kindness she shares with me, i am doing the same with others.Lily appeared for a brief moment..i looked away, i was afraid that only looking at her would had made her sad.For that moment i have seen her thought she..was very beautiful and seemed happy..i hope she was still happy after leaving.

Speaking of her i made new friends at Greenest, spoke for hours with Talio. He is a nice guy and an honest warrior, i like persons like him: no lies, no missconceptions, no weird twists of truths..we had a honest heart to heart chat and spoke of our adventures around the coast. Ronja also is a very nice person, she offered me shelter at the lodge too..she said they have guards and that they will not reach me there, but...i am already putting many friends and people i care for in danger, i do not wish to ruin their peace too. Talio offered his axe against the spiders thought, i will keep that in mind.

Then, off to Candlekeep again, i had to speak about the aggressions to the guide and what i found out.I came by in..a very bad or good moment, it seems. Sheded some light on a problem they had and helped out Nalissa.Poor thing..what happened really left a deep scar in her heart..she is such a kind soul and have to suffer so much...i have to remember to thank Alyssia for what she did in these days, i managed to speak Nalissa out of her pain thanks to that... I will have to chat with Isabella too when she has time...not because she said wrong things, but she should understand when others can't hold anymore and slow down. I want to believe she was just tired and that there is no need for me to tell her this, but still deserve a scolding after what i heard her saying about the duel.

Speaking of Isabella being right, they are getting desperate. Three days are missing to the date when they have to "sacrifice" me and their tactics are failing one after another, so decided to just bluntly go outside in a battle at the Boareskyr bridge and scream out my name...i can't laugh hard more. For days, chasing out every information on their movements, every attack that are not out in the open like those in the north woods, avoiding ambushes, avoiding leaving back trails,avoiding assassins...and in the end? they just declare war like that...i don't really like this, sounds like there is more hidden behind.Are they trying to use me as a distraction now?are they that desperate for us to not reach that place? is-"

*stops a moment from writing thinking on that and pondering a moment*

"..they are right..i must be really weird, my life is on the line, i am possibly one mistake away to reach my Lord in the Great Beyond..and i am laughing. I don't really understand wh-" *his hand begins to tremble making a doodle of the word he was trying to write*

..aah...i see now *takes a deep breath and remember those few days passed in peace and serenity, of that love shared and that comforted him*

"i am wrong. I AM scared...i just refused to accept it or realize it.I keep telling myself 'i am protecting them, this will keep them safe' and pressing on. The fear of seeing them suffer is just stronger than that of diying myself...so, other than hypocrite, now also selfish in the endeavours...i do not accept to see others suffer, and i ask to them to just accept for "me" to suffer and die. Will have to say sorry to several people today"
Last edited by Ailander on Wed Apr 14, 2021 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*sitted in the lodge, he looks a bit around, waving to the guards and asking to the innkeper for a tea.Left alone with his thoughts, takes his journal once again to write on it*

"13 Tarkash 1357

Everything is becoming so ridiculous that i have no strength left to laugh.So, in two days, i got reached from so many people asking for help and offering informations that i wonder if they are just after something at this time...first things first, it should be done. Many of the assassins sent after me should be taken care of from persons i trust and are looking into it,the bounty has been removed and leaves only the dhaerows but tomorrow is the day where they would supposedly sacrifice me and i do not really plan to go out from here except maybe a bit around the garden.I am not a fool, i know they will try something again, but if nothing else i should be able to strike at them first.

Now, that was the good part. The bad part is that i cannot get rid of a problem soon enough that another appears at the horizon. Few people came to me asking to solve a problem that i know the Radiants are taking care of. I mean, alright, i do not like their methods either, but is not like i do not understand where it comes from, i had to fend off several spies and still there are those infiltrators around afterall,but they should realize that the moment they start losing trust of the people, is the moment when things have to change.

Through avery and other people, i offered them time and time again to work directly togheter, either i got ignored or they refused since no answer arrived..and when i discover something important what they do? force me into a political meeting and to accept their presence. I do not like this even one bit and will have a long chat with commander Veslana about that today.Probably will have to change plans if things keep up like this."

*rises his head sighing deeply and massaging his eyes* Lathander i am turning into them...*after a bit of silence decide to write again in the journal*

"well, no, i am tired of this game they are playing and i will not let them change me. I do not care for politics and i will not be forced into such things, either they understand that the "rules" of the game doesn't apply with me, or i can work with those that reached for me honestly and putting their lives on the line with me.If they really want to keep everyone's out afterall, they asked for been done the same to them."
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*after reaching the inn would leave a message for Nalissa but prefer to just stay there, in the quiet of the main hall, and reaches for his journal once more*

"16 Tarsakh

Well, despite being busy days as always, things are going a bit better, i think...Lucia and Gwyn are going to marry, that is really something nice to happen around these parts. I have some problems of miscomunication with her sometimes still, but we are managing and we both are trying to understand us better. Gwyn is a nice person just like Aiden, a woman that enjoys peace but no stranger to war and tactics, Lucia got lucky if someone asks me.At the eve of the meeting, Alyssia and i spoke for long...that part that was "lingering" about her is gone now, afterall i got the proof that she was loyal in her words and..i do feel a bit of regret now for doubting her.I told her why, she said nothing but from her expression i think she understood.

Speaking of that Lily is...well, she is ignoring my presence now..i mean, is an improvement, i feel a bit less overwhelmed, but...is still hard. I feel like being an hindrance for her...it is the last thing i want

Also with the Radiants and House Vale things are going better...there is still a lot of miscomunication, sadly, but i believe we all are doing steps in the right direction, hoping that what Alarielle said was just...i don't know, misinterpretation on her part? i hope.I am a bit worried for miss Boots and lord Aaron...they both looked extremely tired.I hope to be able to help, but the reaction she had for what was an information old of a month for me left me a bit worried...well, when we manage to speak a bit more maybe things will be different. I asked help to Avery in that regard, but she is in a lot as well... i will try my best to help her as well but...i cannot be everywhere.

The organization for the expedition, the control of the provisions...i'd wish to ask help to someone for these, but everyone is so busy...probably Talio would be able to help organize something in this regard before the departure.Since i have to go check few things at Ulgoth's Beard, i could try and pass see sister Ashenie as well, see if she has any suggestion on this matter or if i can buy some of the potions and scrolls she usually have aside..."

*think for a moment on what he wrote and tilting his head then adds*

"althought i think she is using them for the North...probably would be best not asking, but well, if i stumble in her we will see.In these days i am also training with Aiden and Gwyn with tactical organization, has been a long while since i did so with someone, and i think Gwyn is right, a bit more of going out with the people that will come to the expedition could be good.If today she has some free time, i will try to ask for a bit more of her experience and see if we can get some of the others as well.Anyway, now is better eat something and hit the road again"
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*after taking a stroll outside he finds himself again on the benches and since the others are probably busy, decide to write on his journal*

"18 Tarkash 1357

Today was..surprisingly calm, despite a bad talk had with in the early day. The last two days were busy, as always, but today nothing at all, total quiet. I enjoyed few chats and had the time to stay a bit alone with myself...and realize how much i did change from the past.Emmanuel hosted a festival for the forest spirit near the Gate, it was quite beautiful and joyful, everyone was dancing smiling enjoying...but me? i was happy of their joy but it felt..quite distant. Like looking at a picture or a paint, it is nice but it felt..unreal. I sang, happy to be there, to witness that, show them how much i appreciated that...but still it was weird.

I wonder what is costing me all of this; if i am not talking about Polvich or Orcus matter, is about something else that people asked me to take a look into...but without those, i have nothing to talk about.I mean, i realized this already the other day with Ashenie..when she asked me how it was going, the only thing i spoke about was the efforts but when i tried to change the subject into something more peaceful, something that could not aggravate her...i just stood there, gawking. I tried to stop already once..i tried to just throw away my weapon and just..surrender, let others do it...but wherever i go, troubles seems to follow and the servants of Polvich are keen to not let me be in peace.

I cannot stop and do not really want to go forward..."

*sighs looking at the page shaking his head* what the heavens am i writing... *decide then to put away the book and look for the others*
Ailander
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am

Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn

Unread post by Ailander »

*after writing few missives back to those that reached him he looks tiredly to the window and massages his face. When moves away his hands, the gaze falls back to the journal one more time taking a deep breath from the nose and then sighing, reaches for it*

"20 Tarkash 1357

Why i keep trying this...Even writing down is becoming difficult why i"

*his hand begins even to shake,puts down the quill massaging his face one more time and decide to go outside to take a bit of fresh air*
------------------------------------------------------------
*after being left alone in the room takes a deep breath, rubbing his eyes one more time and massaging his face, slapping his cheeks to retake some focus. Decide to stay there to write down and work but his eyes goes to the journal first and takes back from where he tried to write*

"..they are right..i have to stop trying to face everything alone and ask for help more often. Is just that i know they are all busy and tired just like i am, that's why i am always hesi-...well,no... that and what Alexander said too...the betrayal i felt from those nights months ago from the ones i loved still lingers there, even if i do not admit it...reminding me of what happened when i trusted someone, when i opened myself up. Is fine thought. I am not alone anymore,there are those that understand and would lend me their ears and hands when i begin to falter.

Despite the attempts of those lost too much in their own pain and sorrow, i do not have to doubt of those around me, the moment i start to do that, is the moment i will fall into the trap of those i am trying to oppose, where dissense, discord and lies are abundant.There is much i still have to learn, that is true, but i am learning far too much all togheter and new allies are approaching, people that in this war probably will be more helpful than any weapon or spell can be.I don't know how i will be able to help them, but they too put their faith in me. I will not let them down or turn my back on them, even if this coast will consume what is left of my old self.

I have spoke with those that are in these lands since far more time than me about this problem..not feeling anymore part of a peaceful mood or environment. It made sense what they said, either i keep walking ahead untill i reach the point where i can find a balance, or i can just give up..."

*smirks a bit remembering a familiar gentle voice*

..are you even able to give up, Champion?

"..not like i really know what does words means anyway.Now, i should probably go back to work and training.There is still much to do and people i should reach to speak about strategy and supplies.
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