The chaos and death among the gods had sparked a lengthy conversation between Avintae, Teris, and Mi-Le about the nature of impermanence and attachments. Mi-Le believed that in such an unstable world, cultivation of the mind was the most sensible approach.
"The liberated mind is a most precious thing. But you needn't wonder what it's like. What's most important is the practice of freeing it. These recent events, as horrible and painful as they are, present a most unique opportunity to show others the Way," Mi-Le mused. "I think I must take advantage of them."
“...Can I be honest...?” Teris ventured.
"I would insist on it."
“...I don't really think it's.. um... appropriate... to use these events to tell people to change... I think compassion and understanding would be better...” Teris said hesitantly.
Mi-Le knew the truth of the genasi’s words almost as soon as they were spoken. "...Yes, I think you're right." The monk closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, noticing the mental undercurrent pulling toward this particular desire. As he watched it, it subsided. He would not walk about proselytizing, then. But he could at least write about it. Then, those who were searching could find the teachings of his monastery.
All That Is Mine
At my monastery, I was taught to reflect, “All that is mine, beloved and pleasing, will become otherwise, will become separated from me.” And it’s so common to misinterpret this as some pessimistic doctrine of apathy and nihilism. But it’s just a statement of reality. It’s not saying that we shouldn’t care about people, or that there’s no happiness in the world. It’s pointing out that chasing after what we like and prefer doesn’t lead to lasting happiness. Grasping at what’s impermanent will leave us empty-handed, sooner or later.
Part of the problem is that we don’t really take the time to think about how impermanent everything really is. But impermanence has been staring us in the eyes all along, and recently it’s even been slapping us in the face. Recently I heard that the gods Bane and Bhaal died. How many gods does that make it now? The Old Order’s ancient nameless god, Mystra twice, Bane, and Bhaal. It seems to me that the gods have proven no more permanent and reliable than anything else in the world. If even the gods, whom so many take to be everlasting and secure, are in fact so impermanent, what can we really rely on for happiness?
Searching outward for happiness eventually leads to a dead end. True happiness cannot be realized as long as we’re chasing after something else. Only by turning inward can we realize true happiness. By letting go, turning inward, and settling into stillness, we can experience the Chán states, which transcend all other conditioned worldly happiness. But even the Chán states themselves are conditioned and impermanent. Through them, though, one can realize the unconditioned Way. One can become truly happy.
((Highlighted text adapted from Aṅguttara Nikāya 5:57.))
Eleasis 13, 1358 DR – East of the Chionthar River
Truth be told, Teris the fire genasi had long interested Mi-Le. They’d first met years ago, when Teris had not seemed very lucid. Then, when Teris had come into a more conventional frame of mind, he appeared to share many of Mi-Le’s values. So when Teris invited Mi-Le for a walk, the monk was happy to accept. Their walk had taken them to a clearing in the woods east of the Chionthar River.
"Not too long ago, I felt like I should show people the impermanent nature of the gods. I was quite eager to do so.” Mi-Le referred to their discussion at Vale Estate. “Your advice was apt then." The two continued to discuss many things.
Eventually, Teris asked, “Do... people ever lie to you...?”
"I suspect they do."
“Do you ever.. feel that... it's... harder to keep a hold on reality... when you never know who's being fake and who isn't...?”
"No. Unless the discussion is about the Way, I don't put much importance on it. And if it is about the Way, then in the end, we must rely on ourselves anyways."
“That sounds very lonely...”
"Mm. Self-sufficient. There's a difference between solitude and lonely." Mi-Le shrugged. "I suppose my sense of reality doesn't depend on the words of others, but on the nature of reality itself."
“I wish that was the same for me... I really wish it.”
Mi-Le gestured to the wilderness surrounding them. "You can ground your understanding of reality on this. The words of others are so fleeting."
Teris pulled a cranberry scone from his pocket and began to nibble at it. Baking was one of the druid’s hobbies, and Mi-Le knew he was good at it. The monk lapsed into silence, waiting for Teris to finish eating or continue the conversation whenever he was ready.
“I feel kind of conflicted... about the way your ... uh... Way.. works. How does anyone who follows it truly enjoy each other's company... or the things around them..? How can they fully embrace life...?”
"We simply think there's more to life than even those things, enjoyable though they might be. We believe that one cannot fully embrace life while remaining ignorant to the nature of its reality."
“But that's my point, though... Why can't you accept reality.. while enjoying what it offers?”
"When you truly see the nature of reality, it's not that you feel nothing for others, or become a dispassionate zombie toward all things. It's just that the more you understand the impermanence of things, the less your happiness depends on those things staying just so, remaining in some perfect state forever for your enjoyment."
“That's not what I mean... It's more.. um... Sometimes I get the feeling you're not allowed to enjoy things outside of thinking about the Way only.”
"Oh. Well, there's actually a lot of truth to that. But you're not a monk in my order or monastery. And it's not as bad as all that, for me. I suspect I'm allowed to enjoy a lot of the things you do. But yes, the primary focus is the Way."
“It just.. seems very sad to me.. I feel sad that you don't get to try things and that it's hard to connect with you.”
"Mm. I know this will sound dramatic, but the happiness to be realized through the Way surpasses worldly happinesses," Mi-Le said, thinking of the Chán states, and beyond that, enlightenment.
“...Has it happened yet...? That happiness...?”
It was a tricky question for Mi-Le. The monks of his monastery were not supposed to speak about their own personal spiritual attainments, such as the Chán states or enlightenment, to laypeople. Mi-Le respected that rule, because it was meant to guard against pride and guru worship. "I do not speak through blind faith," Mi-Le said carefully. "There are stages of that happiness. I do not claim to be completely enlightened. But I can say with confidence that there is validity to the Way."
“...But have you felt that happiness?” Teris insisted.
Mi-Le considered whether a truthful answer would break his monastery’s rules. More importantly, he searched his own intentions. Would he be speaking out of ego, or an earnest wish to provide a helpful answer? After some consideration, he permitted himself to say, "Yes." Beyond that one word, he could elaborate on the Way without discussing his own spiritual attainments. "At the coarsest level, there is a state wherein all negative mind-states and hindrances vanish, and one feels rapture and bliss that transcends worldly happiness. This alone is worth following the Way. But it is not the culmination of the Way. And, frankly, it is a mind-state that can be realized through the practices of other religions too."
“Which ones..?
"Oh, take your pick. Eldath, Sune, Ilmater, Lathander all come to mind."
“...Sune...?”
"My understanding of Sune's teachings is that of true love. Not romantic attachment. Insofar as Sune teaches true loving kindness, I respect her doctrine."
“Oh... well.. um… I've seen.. assorted things, in practice.”
"Yes. So I'm aware. But there are beneficial teachings within Her religion. And the practices of loving kindness can lead to the mental state I speak of."
“I know.. I think that's what makes me disappointed. There's so much good in it, then they throw in one part that destroys the whole point...”
"That's it exactly, Teris. That is the reason why my order practices as it does. You ask why we forego certain things, and that is why. We focus instead on what is pure. In any case, the mental state I speak of is known in my monastery as the first Chán. It is the first of four, and the four Cháns are not enlightenment, but are important to its realization."
“I feel like it's impossible for me to figure out how to do any of that... How do you learn how it works...?”
"The good news is that you don't have to practice Chán by trying to reach Chán. In fact, some would say it's counterproductive. In breath meditation, for example, the object is the breath, not Chán. In loving kindness meditation, the object is loving kindness, not Chán. It's kind of like sleeping: sleeping isn't something you consciously choose to do, it's something that kind of happens to you, when the conditions are right." Mi-Le considered his next words. "Teris, I don't think you need to worry about who you should be or anything like that. You're already what you should be. You're kind. And loving kindness is absolutely essential to Chán."
“Oh.. well... I try to be, anyway...”
"That's all you need to try to be, then. And maybe throw in some breath meditation too, while you're at it."
“Would it help me feel less anxious and not panic as much...?”
"Mm. It tends to. There are many different kinds of meditation. Breath meditation isn't what I naturally incline towards, but it's a good practice."
“I don't really know how to do meditation stuff...”
"Nothing to it, really. Sit up straight, eyes closed. Rest your hands comfortably. Be aware of the breath as you breathe in, and be aware of the breath as you breathe out. Don't control the breath. Just let it flow naturally, however it's flowing. If a distraction comes up, whether internal or external, acknowledge it. Don't fight it, don't follow it. Just acknowledge it, then go back to the breath. That's about it."
“Is there a way to make it easier to not get distracted..?”
"Yes. Meditate in solitude, in a quiet place. A quiet grove is perfect."
“What if.. I kind of... have trouble with getting lost.. uh.. mentally..?”
"That'll happen. Don't judge yourself for it. Just acknowledge it, without berating yourself or anything. And go back to the breath. Think about it this way: this whole time we've been talking, you've been breathing. You just haven't been paying attention to it. Well, with this practice, you're just paying attention to it."
“...Alright. I think I'd like to try it next time I'm off at the special place...”
"I hope you have fun with it, Teris. It can be an enjoyable and relaxing thing."