Little Bird's Letters

[Grimcheese]

Hidden: show

---

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cadwaldr and Miss Castillo,


Thank you for writing to me. I wish I could write sooner, but it is sometimes hard to find things to write about, but people say that the weather is a good place to start writing, so I will begin there.

The rain has been very heavy, but it has been very heavy for a while. Ivan said I could speak words of power to keep the rain away, but the words of power I have that keeps the rain away is very powerful, and it hurts to speak it. Miss Castillo said that I could get a "pair a soul", but I do not know how finding a friend for a soul will protect me from the rain. I am okay, and the rain is okay as long as I take a bath, and use the sweet smelling bubble makers so I smell sweet.

I had a Foreign Exchange Committee meeting two days ago. It was a very strange meeting. Many people were late or did not come. I do not know why. I do not know how it ended, because a person came by to give me an oily letter that said black orcs were everywhere, and Soubar needed help, and it was written by a person named "Mag". People talked about how the letter was strange, and how they could stop an army with seven people, and many other things but I do not remember them because I became mad, and it is like someone shut me off and when I turned back on again I wanted to get away because I knew I was mad and I knew people are going to be mad at me for being mad, so I ran to the palace where the dukes live. I sent the letter to the dukes because if they do not know, they will be glad to know, and if they already know, then it is a good reminder.

Today I am afraid. I am afraid of Ivan because he was teaching me, and he says it is his job to put walking bones and rotten meat and other wrong things to sleep. Because I am a wrong thing I ask him what I am to him, and he says I am family, and that he will look for a way to fix me. I do not know if I can be fixed, and what will he do if I cannot be fixed? I am afraid to sleep again and I am afraid of Ivan putting me to sleep.

I am afraid of Julie, Ivan's marry-friend. I know she tries to be a normal-friend to me but she is very focused and when people focus on me I get scared. I do not want to tell Ivan because I know he likes her a lot but I think he knows anyway. Yesterday Julie gave me the paper flower I gave to her a long time ago. I do not know if it means she is still trying or if she stopped trying, and even though I do not know if it is true it makes me feel sad because a lot of kind people stopped trying like that and it is always sad.

I am afraid of Bear. Ivan says that Bear and her sun-friend were hurt, and Bear was gone, but the sun-friend and a face was left. I try to talk to Bear using head-words but Bear did not say anything. I talked to Aeili using head-words and Aeili said that I can talk with her. I try shifting there but Ivan stopped me and all the power I was speaking came loose and it hurt very badly and it made me mad but Ivan spoke words of power and I felt better. I shifted with him to home and went to the temple so Aeili can far-look for Bear because I remember Aeili talking about how she is very good at far-looking and I am proud for remembering that.

Aeili says Bear is back home near the sun-home with her sun-friend and she is tired but okay. I do not know what to think. I feel very bad and I want to say sorry for wasting her time but I also feel very bad inside. I do not think all is well but I do not want to disturb them again.

Sometimes when I think of you my chest hurts. It is a deep hurt and I cannot go away. I hope you are well and you will write back soon.

[ An image of a bird with a bent wing is doodled at the bottom. ]

[Grimcheese]

Dear Mr. and Mrs.Crow and Nightingale and Blue Jay,


Thank you for giving me the proper word, and telling me what it is. I will remember to look for a parasol when I can. A parasol would be very helpful, and it would hurt less than words of power, and I will also remember to look for the soul of a friend too.

The rain moved to the Bear-town where Bear lives. I stayed there for three days and four nights because Bear was sad so I hope I made her feel better because when Bear is very sad my chest hurts like the hurt I felt when someone burned my neck, and I was screaming, and someone put a hand on my mouth to make me stop screaming but it hurt too much to stop. Bear told me she was happy I was there when I did goodbye, and it made me feel happy and sad at the same time because Bear was happy but it was goodbye. I do not like the Bear-town very much because of the sun-home and people not liking words of power, and you need to pay money to scary people to be allowed to speak words of power, and many other bad things I remember and do not remember but the Bear-town is not all bad because of the nice people there, and I like the cooked mushrooms the small scary woman makes but the mushrooms are hard to get, and the small scary woman will need more soon because I ate a lot of cooked mushrooms while I was staying. I like the hot cocoa better in Bear-town than the cocoa at home but I still do not want to stay in Bear-town.

I went home and took a bath with the sweet smelling bubble makers. When you were there with me I did not understand that you are only supposed to use a little bit instead of a lot so I made a lot of bubbles but I did not have enough for next time. I learned to use a little bit of the bubble maker so while I do not have many bubbles for today's bath there will be enough bubbles for many more baths and it makes me feel responsible and happy.

Today I am working. It has been a long time since I saw the sun up home because it was raining really badly but today the clouds are gone, and the sun came up, and it became really bright all of a sudden, and my eyes hurt a lot so I went inside to work. It is a lot of work because I was away for three days and four nights but most of the people are very nice, and let me learn from them, and I try not to disturb them when they are busy. When there is no more work I want to see Aeili because I asked her if she could do something for me, and I want to see if it could happen. I do not know if I have the money if she asks for it but I hope she will like pretty things as well because I found lots of pretty things.

You say that people say strange and funny things because they do not know many things but they act like they do, and good leaders do this all the time so people think the good leaders know everything, and the people will follow. I do not know if I will make a good leader because I do not know how to look like I know everything but I try to work with what I know, and I try to learn so I know a little more every day but I do not know if I want to be a good leader because it seems like it will have a lot of people focusing on me, and people focusing on me makes me feel scared. I will do my best but it is a hard thing, and I am sorry if you are mad with what I say. I do not want to cause bad feelings with words.

I am happy and sad that you are like me but I do not know why you are different from me. Why am I different? What is broken? If broken is not me or you why do people try to hurt or try to help something that is not there? People do strange things because they do not know what they should do instead but it is still confusing and it makes me not know what I should do too.

I am trying to make a drawing with words of power, and I hope you are happy with it. I only use very little words to make the drawing so it does not hurt at all. I hope you are well and there are many good things to eat in Neverwinter.

[ An image is etched below with painstaking care. ]

[Endelyon]

After reading Sparrow's previous letters, Endelyon managed to find the time in between her many responsibilities as Cheryl Castillo Cadwaldr's lady-in-Waiting to write the little bird a lengthy response.

"Dear Rook,

It's been far too long since I saw your face. I can't begin to tell you how much it pains me to be so far away from you, and to think of you staying there in the city all by yourself. I am glad to hear everything is going well for you, and I am happy to read that you aren't feeling afraid of Ivan or Berea as much anymore. Ivan telling you that he's going to "fix" you makes me very unhappy. There's nothing wrong with you, Rook. You are learning and growing with every passing day. Be wary of those who try to change you, as they often end up being "fair weather" friends. These are the type of people that are most likely to give up on your or abandon you if you don't change yourself to suit their moods.

Aeili is a dear friend of mine, and I am glad to hear that the two of you are growing close. I think that you could learn quite a bit from her. Did she do whatever it was you wanted her to, that you were afraid she would charge you money for? If you need to, you are more than welcome to utilize the funds in my account for whatever you need.

On the subject of Julindra, she is indeed a rather focused person. Her demeanor is quite intense, and she can be difficult to read at times, but she has a good heart, and it probably hurts her feelings a little (or a lot) that you don't warm up to her the way that you do to others like Nightingale or myself. I hope she has not stopped trying or given up. If it would make you feel sad, perhaps you should write words to her and tell her that it would make you feel sad. I think it would bring her some peace of mind to know that her efforts have not been entirely in vain.

I am sorry to hear about the lackluster turnout for the latest Foreign Exchange Committee. I'll write a letter to Aiden and make sure that the bank staff knows that during the meetings the committee should not be disturbed for any reason unless they are in immediate and evident danger. If it becomes problematic I'll instruct Madsen to stand at the front door during the next one. I imagine that anyone who tries to weasel their way past him will certainly (probably immediately) regret doing so.

I don't think anyone is angry about the way you choose to approach leadership. In truth it's probably better to actually learn the fundamentals than to just try to convey an image of understanding, but don't tell Cheryl I said so! Regardless, the three of us love you for who you are, and your shortcomings are part of who you are as much as your strengths. I wouldn't ask you to change for all the tea in Amn.

You might think of yourself as broken, but I've always considered you rather strong and intelligent. I don't know what kind of terrible things you've been through, but I used to have frightening dreams about Arres almost every night, so I understand why you lie awake in fear, at times. This is one example of how we are different, but the same. The first time I ever saw you, you were the only one in our motley crew that had the sense to dismantle that altar to close that portal to the abyss. I'll never forget that, so long as I live. You truly amazed me then, and lots of other times as well. I wasn't kidding when I called you a hero, and you've been a hero many times over.

Waterdeep was fantastic, and Neverwinter is marvelous in its own right--"the jewel of the north" is more than just a fancy name. Speaking of jewelry, they have some of the most exquisite earrings and jewelry I've ever seen in my life here. The local artisans really live up to their reputation. I spend most of my time with Nightingale. The two of us ride horses often, and I've grown quite accustomed--quite fond, even--of these rides. While we were in Waterdeep I bought my very own horse, the most beautiful Ward horse you've ever seen. I named her Zephyr, and she is truly that: Quick like a breeze, but gentle as well. Ward horses are bred in the City of Splendor and have a reputation for being the fastest horses in the north--or the fastest horses in all of Faerun, depending on who's doing the telling. All I know is that when I'm riding Zephyr and she's at a full gallop, for that brief time, I become the wind.

Has a new issue of the Herald been released? I am curious to know if everything is running smoothly given my departure. If it has, I would be grateful if you could have a copy delivered with your next letter. It would be nice to have a little piece of home, and see what stories have made the news this month. If a new edition hasn't come into circulation yet then you don't have to worry about this, obviously.

I am sorry that your heart aches when you think about me--about us. The summer solstice is fast approaching, though, and I will be returning to Baldur's Gate to sing at Ivan's wedding, so I will get to see you sooner than you might think! I am certainly looking forward to it. I love you, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers until our paths cross next.

- Blue Jay"

[Grimcheese]

The next delivery that comes forth appears to be bundled neatly in a sack. When the sack is opened, the contents are displayed: a missive and weather-worn newspaper.

---

Dear Crow and Nightingale and Blue Jay,


I am happy that Neverwinter and Waterdeep are happy places for you. I hope that you are well, and your time is happy there. I like reading stories and when I am not busy and the rain is heavy and I do not want to drink hot cocoa and I do not want to share words with people I go up to the nice place with the palace where the dukes live and go into the place of many books, and I take some books and hide in a very dark corner and read them all. I like books but they are very heavy, and I cannot carry them around, and the place holds the books for me so I can come back and read them again and I am happy.

I am sorry you have bad feelings for Ivan and I am sorry for saying Ivan is bad. I do not think Ivan is trying to be bad but sometimes it is very hard to talk with him because he says strange and funny things and it makes me not know what I should do. Sometimes I do not know how to answer his words, and it makes him sad, and it makes me feel sad because I know he wants me to be happy but it is very hard to find the right words sometimes. I am sorry for confusing you about Ivan and if I see Julie I will tell her that I am sorry that I made her feel sad too. I will tell her that it is okay that she is trying, and that I know she is trying, and I will try back.

I do not know what a "summer solstice" is. People say it and I feel confused because I do not know what it means. I think it means a lot of fun in the summer but I do not know when the summer solstice is or why people want to give it a name when they have fun for many more days but they do not give those days a name. I like the summer because summer is the time when there is a lot of food and the fruit is turning sweet so I go find bushes of fruit and take and eat the fruit that is sweet. Sometimes the animals lay eggs or have babies too and if I am lucky I could get an egg or a baby when the parents are not looking but I do not do it a lot because the parents are very alert and do not like it when I do that and they chase me and hurt me.

Today I am working. There is a lot of things to do and it is very busy even though Cal and Koba and Charraj are doing their best to help. Cal is learning how to speak words of power and I do not know what to feel about it but Aeili seems happy to teach him so it must be okay. I hope you do not mind that I am using the room that belongs to Blue Jay. I like the color because it makes me feel calm and the light is not very bright and I feel safe. The Herald sent a paper home not very long ago and I would like to give it to you and I am sorry if it looks a little dirty.

Thank you for your kind words and I hope that one day I will be as smart and wise as you are.

[Grimcheese]

The first thing to register to the young woman's senses was pain. The second was the odd, detached feeling as part of her consciousness wrenched aside in response to the pain, the same way a hand would pull back when placed in a flame. She still registered the dull throbbing agony in her forehead, and the sharp itch in her inflamed eyes, but the sensations seemed far away, almost as if another person inhabited her body.

The young woman rubbed the grit collecting at the corners of her eyes and looked around. A spot just above the portion of wall she had curled up against had odd, dark stains on it. Prying off a little piece and placing it on her tongue told her the familiar iron tang of blood. Her forehead throbbed again, and she slowly placed a gloved hand on a particular tender spot. Something crackled under her fingertips, and looking at them betrayed more dried bloodstains.

The memories seeped in, like a foul gas collecting in an enclosed room. The young woman clasped her hands to her ears and rocked back and forth, eyes squeezed shut as if she could stave off the effects, but the pain slowly blossomed in her chest and remained there, a rankling thorn, refusing to let go or remain distant. It grabbed her attention and pulled her in, trapping her like a caged bird.

Failure, a little voice told her, indistinguishable from the many other head-voices she could hear, from Sendings or otherwise.

-You failed them. They believed in you-

-Do you want to fly to them? They know what you did. They will leave you. You will be alone-

-I want to go home. There is home? Where is home-

-Safety. Comfort. Peace. Care-

-Your home is not my home-

-Screaming, so much screaming, the screaming of one where words have failed; the tortured howling of a rabbit trapped and in pain-

-Enemies hurt. Friends hurt more-

-Don't make him take me back-

-Blood slicked the stone walls, painted with shuddering blows as she repeatedly smashed her bare forehead into the gritty stone, looking for something, anything to get away from the all-consuming pain in her chest-

-What is wrong, Sparrow?-

-She cried. She had neither voice nor tears, but her body shook with the force of her sobs; her fists beat frantically and uselessly against the wall where she had not drenched in her own blood-

-You're rude, the man said in the wake of the bottle he threw at her-

-You poor thing. Have some food-

-Useless, wretched, monstrous freak. You should have never been born-

-A little, useless runt, good only for stealing from, a blonde face sneered at her as she shook before him, betrayal taking all the fight out of her; the mocking jeers of her tormentors, the blonde one joining in their laughter-

-She continued to cry, shaking and beating the wall until exhaustion claimed her to restless sleep-


The agony continued to burn in her chest, and the young woman could feel her swollen eyes start to sting again, the basic impulse to shed tears unchanged despite everything. She balled her legs to her chest, arms wrapping around to hold them in place, and buried her face between her knees, rocking back and forth as she wept.

[Grimcheese]

A rolled-up letter is left at the base of the Great Tree, where the young woman used to sit. The handwriting is oddly slanted and jagged, and the parchment has a few smeared dustings of odd black flakes.

Dear Aeili,

I am sorry. I wish I could use head-words to say everything but I need to speak lots of words of power to use a lot of head-words, and speaking lots of words of power hurts me a lot so I am writing a letter instead. My chest hurts a lot so what I write may be confusing for you because I could not think properly because I hurt too much. I hope it is okay for you.

I am very sorry to cause you bad feelings with head-words and mirror-words. I wish I have a home that is like yours. I wish I have a home that is happy and does not have trouble and has people who stay there and make me feel safe and happy. I wish I was more like you or other people because they seem to be happy and find many things to be happy about. I wish I can talk and say words without power and the words do not get stuck in me. I wish for many things because Elly said the stone she gives me will make wishes come true but I do not know if a wish-making stone will help my wishes come true, and I am trying but I do not know where to begin or how to begin.

I do not know where to go. I do not know what home is for me. Many people have their homes but none of them are mine. I wish your home was my home but I am very different from the people there and when they watch me it makes me feel scared. I wish I could go back home where the Sword Coast Commercial Exchange is but I am scared. Even if the Fist-men do not look for me everything is different now and my home is not a home anymore. I wish I can go with Ivan and Julie when they leave but they do not want to stay in one place and I am tired of going to many different places. I wish I can go with Elly up north but I was a bad person and they asked me to help with the bank and I did not do it and I am scared. I wish my home was like yours.

I want a home for me but I do not think I will ever have a home. I am sorry for leaving without telling you but I was very scared and I wanted to leave. I know Ivan is looking for me and I wish he is not looking for me because if he finds me he will ask many questions and I do not know how to answer his questions and he will look sad and when he looks sad my chest hurts. I wish I know how to say the right things when people ask me questions but the words come out very different from my meanings and people get confused and get bad feelings and it makes me feel sad.

I wish I know what to say to Ivan and you and everyone else so that you will not be sad and Ivan will not be sad and they will not be sad. I wish I have a home like yours. I wish I can talk again.

[Grimcheese]

"Fly north with me, and forget your troubles here," the blue woman suggested, her voice cajoling, rising and falling with the notes she weaved from her lute. "Crow and Cheryl are waiting for you, and I'll make us all something to eat."

Something pressed against the young woman's mind; a distant part that acknowledged the compelling nature of Endelyon's words, but it was quickly gone, swept aside like an irritating gnat. The last day or so passed in a blur; it was not that she forgot, but more that her mind had fixated on Endelyon's idea and refused to let go, and the battery of magical enchantments the blue-dressed woman had laid upon her to empower her courage only served to further throw her senses off until she felt almost as if another person had inhabited her body. The young woman vaguely acknowledged other faces, other words, and she nodded and exchanged goodbyes even as she chafed inwardly with impatience. It was her request to bring the people that featured most prominently to her memory so she could say goodbye, but the nature of obligating that request meant that every minute crawled through her racing mind with agonising slowness.

Sleep was impossible. No matter how hard she tried to shut out the persistent thought, it kept planting itself into the forefront of the young woman's awareness with maddening regularity. What little moments of oblivion she snatched were just as quickly gone in little fits and starts, her mind immediately homing on the notion of going north with Endelyon, and the desire to get that done right now. Not even insomnia-related exhaustion tempered her racing mind one whit, and she fidgeted the whole way as nearly everyone--Ivan, Berea, Julindra, Endelyon, and later Jassin--met up, and goodbyes were said. A part of her acknowledged that she may never see most of them again except through correspondence, but the pain in her chest that she expected was swept aside with the overriding thought to carry on towards the docks, and make Endelyon's suggestion a reality.

---

The young woman's chest clenched as she looked over the clear horizon broken only by the seas stretching before them, and the clamor of sailors puttering about, and Endelyon's firm hand on the young woman's shoulder, barely registered in her consciousness. Her foremost thoughts were focused on the happy reunion they would have, and the meal Endelyon would make for all of them, and her chest twinged with the tight feeling again; almost, but not quite painful. A remote corner of her mind turned over the feeling, studying it, and placed a name: longing. A curious feeling, the pain-that-is-not-pain.

Then it happened. The young woman shakes her head briefly, trying to make sense of the single-minded intent she had expressed over the last couple of days suddenly dissipating along with the morning fog. She sways, bewildered, looking at her surroundings as if she were gazing at them for the first time, struck rootless by the sudden absence of the suggestion's driving thought.

Then her eyes land on Endelyon, and memory and realization jumbled with each other and finally settled as an ice-cold lump heavy in her stomach. The blue-garbed woman's hand on her shoulder suddenly felt unbearable, and almost before her mind could catch up, the young woman was swinging a fist at the startled bardess' face.

---

The young woman's throat felt sore, and she tasted blood. Did she scream? Everything was a haze; what she remembered came in little shreds, like confetti. Swinging fists, and the pain in her knuckles. Hands, other hands, not Endelyon's hands, grasping, clawing; voices of anger, voices of fear, of panic, crowding around her and obliterating all sense save to get them away from her. Then she sees her own hands, and her own voice, howling in anguish the words of power, and the Weave thundering in response, lashing out with her, expressing what simple words could not. The blasts of magical energy punctuate the sailors' screams of fear and pain, but she did not stop. She could not.

Then Endelyon's voice rang clearly, rising and falling as she sang, audible even over the tumult of thunder and screams. Though there were no words, the young woman felt as though the bardess' song was aimed at her, and soon, the song was all. The blasts of magic receded as the young woman released the Weave holding the destructive energy together, far too engrossed in Endelyon's enthralling notes to continue her fight, and even the startled and angry voices of the sailors seemed so very distant in the face of the beautiful song emitting from the other woman's mouth.

Finally, the singing stopped, and the young woman's awareness slowly returned, but not her will. The knowledge of betrayed trust scraped against a part of her mind so scarred that numbness fought with the pain constricting her chest, and she didn't even flinch as a rough pair of hands grabbed a hold of her, one hand clapping over her mouth, the others keeping her arms restrained. She heard voices; angry voices, calm voices, Endelyon's voice, and the young woman shuts her eyes, trying to block them out. The pain in her chest was too great, and a beating--however severe--would have been a reprieve and a deserved punishment.

Instead of the expected blows, the rough hands were replaced with a gentler pair--Endelyon's, coaxing her away. Despite the softer grip, those hands somehow hurt worse than any beating.

---

The room they were confined in as the boat lumbered on almost seemed a reprieve from the hostile and fearful stares, though not from the young woman's roommate. She huddled, a tight little ball in the corner, face pressed against the junction, hands clasped to her head in an effort to shut herself out from Endelyon. It hurt too much to acknowledge the blue woman's presence.

While music still brought the young woman's unwilling attention, Endelyon could only sing for so long, and when song did not reign, the young woman remains a withdrawn and unresponsive ball in the corner, so intent on isolating herself from the world that she did not perceive the boat slowing to a stop, nor the grasping strange hands and scraping of her bootheels against the deck as she is literally dragged out to her new life.

[Endelyon]

A letter would arrive at the Cadwaldr estate, in a fancy envelope, the letter inside pressed along with a few marigold petals, still faint with scent.

"Nightingale, my Nightingale..
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.

I love you in the day and in the night
I love your golden eyes when they shine bright
For ev'ry time you warmed my heart with light
For your passion, poise, and your graceful stride
The way you hugged me, held tight when I cried
I love you though it leaves me in surprise
Ev'ry time you stare, into my blue eyes
Smiles, tears, all my life; losing Eldath's breath,
I shall but love you better after death.

I might get a chance to visit you birds soon if something I've got cooked up turns into good business, but in case I don't, I wrote you a sonnet. I hope you like it. It's called 'Hard to Love.'

You continue to inspire me in ways you'll never know. Even now, when I find myself having some stroke of genius, it always hits me that I'm still just 'playing Cheryl.'

Your little girl blue,
Endelyon"

---

A second letter would arrive with the first, this one with a drawing on the front. The drawing was of a happy, pudgy little sparrow, her beak open and music notes to indicate song.

"My poor rook, I took her to flight
Far above the sorrow of this sad night
My poor rook, as the two of us fly
Can you see the dawn of tomorrow’s blue sky?

Warriors live and warriors die
On the fray so far away from home
Loved ones cry, tears stinging their eyes
But my little rook she still flies

Some day the winds of a home will surround you,
Some day her morning will greet you alone
Mists on the mountains will come down to meet you,
On that fated day, my Rook, she won't have to roam

I am sorry, little bird. I know that you probably still hate me. It fills my heart with sadness, and makes it feel like it's going to pop. I wrote this song for you. It's called 'My Poor Rook.' I hope you are still practicing your music. You'll be the one that finds 'new sound,' I'm sure of it. You may never want to see me again, but I still think about you every single day.

- Bluejay"

---

A third letter would arrive. This one would be marked quite plainly compared to the other two. In fact, it even bore the seal of the Sword Coast Commercial Exchange, as though it was official business. On the front, it was written 'To Llywelyn Cadwaldr -- Requisition for more Thanksy Banks notes.'

"Llywelyn,
It was all a lie! This isn't a requisition at all, but now that it's open, here's a song for you.

One morning, one morning, one fine sunny day,
I spied a young couple, as they made their way:
A beautiful maiden with dark skin and hair,
The other a soldier and a brave volunteer

"Good morning, good morning, good morning!" said he.
"Such a fine looking crow, but will you take to wing?"
"I'm going to soar over the banks of the sea,
Just to see waters glide and hear the nightingale sing"

Now they had not been standing but a minute or two,
And out of her knapsack a fiddle she drew,
And the tunes that she played made the valleys all ring.
"Oh hark!" cried the raven. "Hear the blue jay sing!"

"Oh raven, sly crow, 'tis time to take score."
"But blue jay! Please, play just one more!
I'd rather hear your fiddle at the touch of one string
Than to see waters glide and hear the nightingale sing"

I hope you like the song. It's a duet I wrote called 'Old Crow's Choice.' You sing the slanted lines, and I sing the rest.

I can't wait to see your smile. I hope things have been well for you in Neverwinter. I am sure court life is more difficult than even the hardships I've had flying solo. I need to get some sleep.. I pushed Zephyr so hard I was afraid it would kill her, but we are both home now. If only it didn't feel so lonely without you three. It's hard to 'take over the world' on my own, you know.

- E"

[Memento Mori]

It does not take long for at least one response to arrive, a letter appearing out of thin air above the executive's desk inside the Sword Coast Commercial Exchange. Were Endelyon seated there at the time, the sealed envelope would fall sharply upon her head with a shower of illusory black, brown, and blue feathers. Were she out of the office, however, she'd simply find the letter on her chair the next time she checked in.

Regardless of how it was come across, the letter reads simply, in a familiar hand:

Endelyon,

It warms me to read your words--though it would warm me further still to see you here in person. I do hope you will return to us soon, or we to you. I know your reasons for being there are important ones, but your family selfishly misses you all the same.

Business in Neverwinter remains as "interesting" as ever, and we continue to pursue contracts in ore, timber, and fish on behalf of Baldur's Gate. Unfortunately, all that the court at Castle Never talks about these days--when on the subject of our home city, anyway--is the latest bit of gossip filtering up to us about this or that impending threat.

But I'll not bore you, or me, any further with business matters. And I trust you're doing everything you can down there to ensure that the family trade remains vital and productive, so I won't even ask about the Exchange.

You'll be happy to know that Cheryl is well. She's really wearing a belly now, and the foods and drinks she requests at the height of her pregnancy cravings have been known to bewilder the chefs even here--in the city that urges its population to go ahead and be strange. What's that Neverwintan expression? "Follow your weird."

But on the subject of Cheryl, you may remember that on our arrival, I had commissioned one of the local artists to paint a portrait of her and I together. That's coming along again: It was delayed somewhat by the artist's unfortunate illness. Once it's finished, though, if you're not returned to us before then, I'll be sure to send you a copy--so that you might have more than just your thoughts to remind you of us.

Sparrow, too, is doing well. Although she is still recovering herself. I read your letter to her, but do not expect a reply in the near future. I may send you a painting of hers if she finishes one, however. To encourage her to express herself, I've set up an easel in her room, with canvas and paints. She has played with it a little, but not like she used to. Not yet anyway. I did take her to one of the parks with Cheryl last weekend, however, and she seemed at peace for a short while, feeding some ducks by the pond. She herself is eating again without need of entreaty, though she still prefers to eat alone most of the time.

I've hired the services of a Doctor McFahgus (pronounced like "mc-faye-gus") to look into her sundry conditions. He's a jovial old gnome who likes to tease her with bad jokes and flamboyant children's tricks--that, although rarely more involved than "coin out of the ear" sleight of hand, nevertheless seem to elicit some response out of her. He seems intrigued by her, she seems wary of him, and the man simply annoys me. Not so much because he is annoying, but because he is so worldly-wise and broadly-learned that it bothers me. He's the only person to whom I've introduced myself to as "Crow," and he immediately replied, "ah, because of the raven's crest of the family Cadwaldr?"

Not even Berea recognized my family name, and she, too, is from the Moonshaes. It took me aback, I suppose. And then he bothered me further by telling me more about my own family than I knew about them--given my leaving my island at so young an age.

But my jealousy of his formidable knowledge aside, he seems to be helping. And, if nothing else, he provides another warm, trustworthy figure for her to interact with. He's also helping look after Cheryl a little bit, at least in providing advice, but he insists we should still look into a good midwife before it is too late. Fortunately he knows a few, and I am planning on interviewing his recommendations with Cheryl whenever we have time.

I feel this letter is terribly boring, lacking all of my usual panache. But I also suspect this mundane news of daily life and home trial is just the sort of things you want to hear from us, while you yourself are so far removed from it.

In any case, thank you for your song. It was lovely, and I enjoyed it. We will sing it together when you are here again, nesting with your clan. Until then, know that we three all love you, miss you, and think often of you.

Sincerely,

[Grimcheese]

Dear Blue Jay,


Crow read your letter to me and I want to say thank you and that I am happy to hear from you but I do not know if I feel thankful or happy because I feel cold. My chest does not hurt anymore when I think of you but I feel very cold instead. It is hard for me to write this letter to you because it is so cold it does not make me want to do anything anymore and you are not a friend but I remember what you try to do for me to make me happy when I was in the bank so I will try back.

Crow and Nightingale are here and they talk to me a lot and do a lot of things with me to try to make me happy. I wish I was happy but I do not feel happy because I feel cold. I do not want friends or family anymore but I do not want to tell them. Nightingale is getting very fat and she is behaving strangely and I do not know why and it makes me feel scared so I stay away from her. I think Nightingale is sick because I sometimes hear Crow talking with the Doctor who says that Nightingale should get help before it is too late. Doctor also talks to me and does strange things and tries to get me to talk but I cannot talk because the words are stuck and I do not want to talk because he is trying to be my friend and I do not want a friend anymore and I feel cold. I do not think he knows why I feel cold and I do not know why either but it is okay because my chest does not hurt anymore when I think of things that used to make my chest hurt.

I wish everyone will leave me alone but they will not and I feel too cold to run away. I hear people talking about what is happening in the bank and the city the bank it is in and I still do not know if I want to go back and I do not know if this letter will reach you and if it does not it is okay. I want to write this to tell you that I do not hate you.

I want to write more but I feel very cold and it is too difficult to write any more. I am sorry.

[Grimcheese]

A diary rests on a desk, open on the most recent page, an eagle-feather quill with a brass cap placed on the side. The penmanship appears to have improved somewhat, though the writer seems in need of lines to align the writing, as it has a tendency to curve in unseemly directions.

---

Dear Doctor,

I do not know why you tell me to write this. You say that it will help me think but I do not know what help I need to think about this. I do not want to write about you. Writing about you makes me feel very cold and very sick in my chest and I do not want to write your name any more if I know you are reading this. I will give you a name for this diary if it is okay. Your name will be Pigeon because you are small and fat but you are not as fat as Nightingale and I can think about birds and still be okay.

I do not remember my first memory very much. I remember a woman's voice talking over me and her giving me to arms with soft red cloth. I remember the color and the softness because I was picking at it. The cloth was very soft and very red. The person who was wearing the red cloth was happy and laughed a lot and said a lot of things that I do not remember now. There is a lot of things in my life I do not remember but when I try to remember a really sick feeling starts in my chest that is not cold or hurt and I cannot remember any more. I still remember the time when someone burned my neck and I was screaming and people tried to make me quiet but I could not stop because it hurt too much to stop and at that time I did not know how to stop remembering correctly and that is why I remember that very bad thing to this day. I think the places I do not remember are very bad places and I do not know why you want me to remember them.

I remember when I was very small and I met the other children. They all looked at me funny until the tall people told them to go and they did and they put me in a room with other children and we all lived there for a long time. The tall people only come in to take some of us away and put us back but the children that came back did not look good so we were always afraid of the tall people coming in to take us. The tall people sometimes come in to bring food and change the smelly buckets so it is not always bad but a lot of the time we are afraid of the tall people and the dogs.

I remember when I stopped talking but not what happened. Eighteen was my friend before I know being a friend was bad. Eighteen and I talk a lot and he liked me and I liked him and living in the tower was okay if he was there but that was before the tall people took us away and I do not remember anymore but I remember waking up and feeling very sick if I tried to talk and my eyes feeling very dry and blinking did not help. I do not know why. Eighteen became a bad friend and did very bad things to me and hurt me with all the other children in there. I was small and not strong enough and could not fight back and it hurt a lot because I learned that a friend means a person who is nice to you now but will hurt you later but I thought that maybe there was a person who will stay nice but Eighteen is not that person anymore.

Today I am here but I am not here. I hear people talk about parents and homes and I wonder where I am from. I do not know where I am because when I turn around there is nothing there and I feel cold. Why are you here? Why do Crow and Nightingale and Blue Jay and Ivan and Aeili and the blue elf want to make me happy when there is nothing there? I do not know what they see but I wish I can see it too.

[Grimcheese]

Dear Pigeon,

Today is the month of Eleint and it will end tomorrow and tomorrow will be the month of Marpenoth. I do not know why there are many months and days in a month and why people want to have so many days and months with strange names but Crow and Nightingale like it and do not bother me as often when I show them that I know what days and months are so I try to remember so they will leave me alone.

Crow and Nightingale say that everybody has a day in a month where they celebrate being born and it is called a birthday. They tell me that I have a birthday too but I do not remember what my birthday is so I cannot tell them but they say that they hope I will know what my birthday is one day. I do not know why my birthday is important and I do not remember how old I am and I do not understand why people want to know about it.

Today Crow and Nightingale are looking at names. They say it is for a new person but I do not know why they are giving a new person a name. They say that I can have a name too and they show me a lot of names and tell me that one of them can be mine but Sparrow is still a good name and I can keep all the names I like and I can keep their last name too. There are many names such as Emily and Sharon and Eva and Bugglebutt Frankenfrump the Ninth and Erin and I feel scared because I do not know what name I should pick.

Sometimes I feel cold but the cold is outside and in my chest as well and I know when it gets cold like this that means the cold time that people call winter will be coming soon. I do not like winter because it is very cold and it makes me remember very bad things like the time when people throw sticks and stones and tell me to go away but I was hungry and the animal was already cold and sleeping and the time when I was so cold I could not walk and I crawled through a lot of the white cold stuff that made me feel colder and I wanted to sleep but I did not want to sleep because I know that if I sleep I would not wake up.

I hate winter. I want it to go away. I want a lot of things but I know I cannot have them and it makes my chest feel very cold. Winter will be here. I do not know what I want to do.

I hate not-know.

[Tsidkenu]

A rather professionally prepared scroll arrives at the Castillo residence in Neverwinter. It is addressed to Sparrow and bears a blue-wax seal stamped with Mystra's holy symbol, in the centre of which are the Espruar letters A.A. After the seal has been broken the act of unrolling the scroll would cause several parchment origami figurines to fall out: a cat, a rabbit, a bird, a horse.

Dear Sparrow,

I know it has been a rather long time since we last spoke and that I was not able to be with you when you left Baldur's Gate. A big part of me wonders if that was really what you wanted. I remember all our conversations by the Great Tree in the forest and I always hoped that you would find your own way, your own path, to tread in life, despite all the difficulties and hardship that had been thrown your way.

I hope you are liking Neverwinter. Elly told me she took you there on a ship. It gets very cold there in the wintertime, I believe, but I have heard that Neverwinter got its name because the place where the city itself stands is always so much warmer than all the snow covered mountains that surround it. Some say there is a giant fire monster sleeping under the river and that is why the water is always warm. Others say its just from the volcano, Mount Hotenow. Whatever the case, you should find it a rather pleasant place to be when the snow starts to fall.

I have still been living with the elves in the forest and it has been very peaceful for me here. My health has improved a lot ever since the bad times that happened in Baldur's Gate. I think I will soon be well enough to go back to the city, although it won't be the same without you there. I still have very fond memories of you sitting in the corner of my stall, making those beautiful parchment animal figures! Charraj found some in the Bank and I told him I would send them to you. I hope you can send us some new ones with your return letter. All my spare time in the forest has allowed me to start writing some new books about the history of magic. I would be happy to send it to you if you want to read them. I remember you like reading lots of things!

Maybe some day I will come and visit you with Elly. I know she is staying here in Baldur's Gate again but I don't think it will be forever. I miss you a lot. I think about you every day, and pray to my goddess Mystra that she will help you understand your magical gifts. Please write back to me. You can address it to the Temple of Mystra in Baldur's Gate.

From your friend,
Aeili.

*A picture of a fairy wren is attached to the bottom of the parchment*

[Grimcheese]

The handwriting in this entry is rough and jagged, as if written by a shaking hand. Beside the open diary rests an origami of a bird.

---

Dear Pigeon,

I do not know what to think. I do not know what to write. I wish I know what I feel in my chest because it is not cold and it is not hurt. It is a strange feeling like when Crow and Nightingale showed me a lot of names and Crow tells me that I can pick any name and I do not know which name I want because all of the names are strange.

I made paper things. I used to make paper things. Making paper things helps me not think about outside things and bad things and people like paper things when I make them. I left a lot of paper things when I went here because I did not have enough time and room to take all of my paper things. I do not know what to feel when I see my paper things today and I wish I know what to do.

I do not know what to feel when I see the letter. I do not know what to write. I do not know what a friend is. I am afraid of Aeili being a bad-friend. I am afraid of feeling hurt again. What is a friend?

[Grimcheese]

After a significant length of time, an origami bird arrives via courier to the temple of Mystra. It is a pretty little piece, with a tiny A.A. written on its body.

Unfolded, the origami appears to be a letter, the stiff writing dotted with ink blots as if the person writing it had paused often and long.

---

Dear Aeili,

Thank you for the letter. It is very kind of you. I do not know what I did for you to be kind to write to me but I hope it is still okay for you.

I am sorry that I did not do goodbye to you before I left. I hear your head-words and I read the letter you give me with the paper things but it is not the same. I do not know why it is not the same but I feel that it is not the same. Sometimes I wish I could do goodbye to you back then and thinking about it makes my chest feel cold.

Neverwinter is a cold place to be. I am home a lot and I stay in my room. Mr. Cadwaldr put up a thing to let me draw and paint on but I have not used it. I do not know what to put on it. When I try to think of something to draw and paint on it I start feeling cold and sick. Mr. and Mrs. Cadwaldr sometimes talk to me and take me places and Mr. Cadwaldr likes putting me on his shoulders and walking around but I sometimes feel cold and sick when I think of them and of the people who live where you are and when I see the paper things that you give me.

The Cadwaldrs bring in a funny short man whose name is Doctor McFahgus but his name is Pigeon for me because I do not like writing his name. When I write his name it makes me feel cold and sick and I do not know why. Pigeon talks to the Cadwaldrs sometimes but he talks to me a lot more and he plays strange games and asks me strange questions that I do not know how to answer. He asks me questions about why I feel the way I do and I do not know. He asks me if I know my birthday and I do not know. He asks me why I could not speak and I do not know. I wish I know because I hate the not-know but I do not know how to make a not-know into a know. Pigeon promised me that I would know these not-knows but it would take time and a lot of help from me but I do not know where to begin but I help him because I want to know too.

Sometimes I sleep and I do not see bad things in my sleep. I think of being back in the city where the bank is. I think of sitting and drinking hot cocoa while Ivan talks to me. I think of Bear taking the bad quill out of my hand and holding me when I feel bad. I think of Mrs. Cadwaldr giving me a bath with the bubble makers and the dress she made me wear that had the itchy white things on the arms that I wanted to take off but she did not like it. I think of Jassin talking to me about the strange scary smoky place that is near the big tree and I remember being scared but not being very scared because he was there. I think of the time you stood near the gates for a long time and let me stay in there. I remember being scared when I see you but you were nice and tried and I do not know what to feel about it now because I want you to be a friend but I am afraid of friends turning bad like many friends I know. What is a friend?

I hate my words of power. I want it to go away. I hurt me and people with my words of power. I do not know why you think it is a good thing. I do not know if books can help me know. It is another not-know I hate not-knowing.

It is getting colder. I do not know if I will see any cold white stuff falling from the sky but I feel cold. I wish it was warm outside and inside. I wish I know all my not-knows.

[ The arcane-marked signature at the bottom seems off-center. ]