Just need to get this off my chest...

[tfunke]

Though I have left, I still pop in from time to time. Was surprised to read this letter Lisa, as I had no idea. Having personally gone through depression myself, a lot of it sounds very similar. It's very brave of you to have posted this and I think you should be proud that you have done so.

I always enjoyed interacting with you on staff and wish you all the best moving forward.

[LISA100595]

Though I have left, I still pop in from time to time. Was surprised to read this letter Lisa, as I had no idea. Having personally gone through depression myself, a lot of it sounds very similar. It's very brave of you to have posted this and I think you should be proud that you have done so.

I always enjoyed interacting with you on staff and wish you all the best moving forward.

Thanks tfunke that means a lot to me, and I wish the same for you.. You know I'm one of your biggest fans

[Celduil]

Lisa,

Never underestimate the impact you make on other people. I can still remember my first days playing on this server. In those days, you played Angelina Northstar. The respect I had for you during those days was IMMENSE. You represented the shining light of what role-play could be. My little elven ranger gravitated toward that light like a moth to a flame. On an IC level, of all of the relationships Cel has made since then, he still considers the friendships with your characters (and there has been quite a few over the years) to be among his best. On an OOC level, there are few people I would call friend on this server, but you are one of them.

[LISA100595]

Lisa,

Never underestimate the impact you make on other people. I can still remember my first days playing on this server. In those days, you played Angelina Northstar. The respect I had for you during those days was IMMENSE. You represented the shining light of what role-play could be. My little elven ranger gravitated toward that light like a moth to a flame. On an IC level, of all of the relationships Cel has made since then, he still considers the friendships with your characters (and there has been quite a few over the years) to be among his best. On an OOC level, there are few people I would call friend on this server, but you are one of them.

Wow Cel, I don't even know what to say... thank you? Doesn't seem enough... Here I always thought about YOU that way!! I do miss playing that character for sure... maybe I will blow the dust off her for a bit Thank you for making me smile this morning and for being my friend

[V'rass]

Chronic pain sucks. I sometimes have such though mine is more an annoyance then a disabler. It is weak enough that i can usually power my way through it but there are days when it gets a bit too uncomfortable though obviously not anywhere near as bad as yours. Of course once i hit 40...

[LISA100595]

Chronic pain sucks. I sometimes have such though mine is more an annoyance then a disabler. It is weak enough that i can usually power my way through it but there are days when it gets a bit too uncomfortable though obviously not anywhere near as bad as yours. Of course once i hit 40...

I'm sorry you have to go through that, this letter applies to you and everyone suffering with these types of issues.

And yes 40 was the "magic" number . First I had a Heart attack ! then this pain started a few months later, and all I had was bad cold and was coughing so much I pulled the muscles in my lower back. The doctors were completely baffled as to how a completely healthy person and in shape as I was, to have both of those occur was a mystery and still is.

[V'rass]

Im not a doctor but i would say the heart attack did something to cause your problems. If you were perfectly healthy before and only started having an issue after then i highly suspect it is linked though how i dont know.

[Eclypticon]

I have sneezed and pulled muscles in my back and was unable to walk and barely sit on the toilet for weeks. It is not unheard of to have coughing fits or sneezing lead to some type of pain or injury. Some times a simple viral infection can lead to widespread inflammation in connective tissues. After that happens it can take a long time for the body to return to a normal state. I'd be looking to see new doctors or specialists. I have heard of recovery stories similar to yours, Lisa. Don't loose hope!

Maybe you should checkout reddit.com/r/chronicpain I have found people there to be empathetic and understanding. You are not alone.

[LISA100595]

Im not a doctor but i would say the heart attack did something to cause your problems. If you were perfectly healthy before and only started having an issue after then i highly suspect it is linked though how i dont know.

I have sneezed and pulled muscles in my back and was unable to walk and barely sit on the toilet for weeks. It is not unheard of to have coughing fits or sneezing lead to some type of pain or injury. Some times a simple viral infection can lead to widespread inflammation in connective tissues. After that happens it can take a long time for the body to return to a normal state. I'd be looking to see new doctors or specialists. I have heard of recovery stories similar to yours, Lisa. Don't loose hope!

Maybe you should checkout reddit.com/r/chronicpain I have found people there to be empathetic and understanding. You are not alone.

Yeah it's crazy, thank you both for your kind words. It really is uplifting to hear others had something like what I have and have hope of getting better.

[Lux]

I have chronic pain too. I relate to every single point in your post. It really is seriously crap to have to live with this, and I feel you. It's hard on the mind to have such a struggle that people can't see. Thank you for sharing.

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I work incredibly hard at not letting my burdens affect how I interact with people, but they inevitably do. Trying to hide it, if you will. Wanting to meet people on equal terms. Watching this fail is the single most heartbreaking thing for me.

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I fight a constant battle with myself. Every single day. On the rare days I don't, life is pretty great. But I don't use those days to go out and carpe myself some diem, which one might think I would. I stay at home. I relax. I smile. I breathe, knowing that this can be my day off from pain. I can play my games, hang out with someone, eat or watch something, without having to think of pain. If I do go out and seize the day that often means I overexert myself (because it's so great to be able to just do normal things) and end up aching in my bed/chair/sofa for days after, sometimes even weeks. To many people I would probably seem lazy.

I also take pain medication. The strong, prescribed kind that they don't want to give you because it's addictive. I need a light dose of that every day or I sleep like hell and wake up aching. What I have is invisible. I was born with it. It's a genetic variation and it's gotten worse with time. It's the doctors' jobs to question me on my medication but unfortunately being questioned constantly plays tricks on the mind in the long run. They can't offer much help other than that.

I use this pain scale to rate how I'm doing. I lose the ability to RP when I pass 5. 6+ is a bit of a blur. I'm so damn stubborn I often keep playing or chatting long after I should have logged off to rest. Resting is not my first choice of distraction... So if I've been weird to anyone? My brain isn't always cooperative.



I disgress. Lisa, thank you again for sharing. I wanted to take the opportunity to share that I know what it's like to struggle to "act normal" with most of your energy. Take care of yourself and I'll see you IC.

[LISA100595]

I have chronic pain too. I relate to every single point in your post. It really is seriously crap to have to live with this, and I feel you. It's hard on the mind to have such a struggle that people can't see. Thank you for sharing.

Image:

Hidden: show

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I work incredibly hard at not letting my burdens affect how I interact with people, but they inevitably do. Trying to hide it, if you will. Wanting to meet people on equal terms. Watching this fail is the single most heartbreaking thing for me.

Image:

Hidden: show

I fight a constant battle with myself. Every single day. On the rare days I don't, life is pretty great. But I don't use those days to go out and carpe myself some diem, which one might think I would. I stay at home. I relax. I smile. I breathe, knowing that this can be my day off from pain. I can play my games, hang out with someone, eat or watch something, without having to think of pain. If I do go out and seize the day that often means I overexert myself (because it's so great to be able to just do normal things) and end up aching in my bed/chair/sofa for days after, sometimes even weeks. To many people I would probably seem lazy.

I also take pain medication. The strong, prescribed kind that they don't want to give you because it's addictive. I need a light dose of that every day or I sleep like hell and wake up aching. What I have is invisible. I was born with it. It's a genetic variation and it's gotten worse with time. It's the doctors' jobs to question me on my medication but unfortunately being questioned constantly plays tricks on the mind in the long run. They can't offer much help other than that.

I use this pain scale to rate how I'm doing. I lose the ability to RP when I pass 5. 6+ is a bit of a blur. I'm so damn stubborn I often keep playing or chatting long after I should have logged off to rest. Resting is not my first choice of distraction... So if I've been weird to anyone? My brain isn't always cooperative.



I disgress. Lisa, thank you again for sharing. I wanted to take the opportunity to share that I know what it's like to struggle to "act normal" with most of your energy. Take care of yourself and I'll see you IC.

Thanks Lux, it's good to know others can relate

[Wyatt]

My heart goes out to you Lisa. As a disabled veteran still working 50-60 hours per week at a physically demanding job I can empathize somewhat with the complete body shutdown that chronic pain can illicit. Sometimes the simplest activities become nearly insurmountable obstacles. I hope and pray that you can garner some measure of relief and comfort going forward. I know that just knowing that I am not the only one in such a state helps lift me up when I'm at the bottom.

-Wyatt

[LISA100595]

My heart goes out to you Lisa. As a disabled veteran still working 50-60 hours per week at a physically demanding job I can empathize somewhat with the complete body shutdown that chronic pain can illicit. Sometimes the simplest activities become nearly insurmountable obstacles. I hope and pray that you can garner some measure of relief and comfort going forward. I know that just knowing that I am not the only one in such a state helps lift me up when I'm at the bottom.

-Wyatt

Thanks to you too Wyatt, I feel for you being a disabled Vet, thus far, from my perspective the Veterans deserve so much more by way of Health Care in itself. I wish you the best and thank you for your service to our country.

[Wyatt]

I appreciate the sentiment but it is unnecessary. The sacrifice of service was worth it, even given my outcome and I would do it again. No thanks is required.

[Marathados]

Unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to rp with you yet. But your work is marvelous! My sympathies are with you, even if it does not help with your condition directly.