Linela Susan Fryar

[Tiberis79]

Ages seemed to have past since she last wrote in her journal. She scrawled on for pages and pages, trying to recapture the events of past weeks. Huego had left to pursue his music. He said we was headed for Waterdeep, but Iris said he never showed up there. Huego had also spoken many times about his original plan to be a wanderer and lover to many women, so perhaps he had done that instead. After they split he was seen making for the docks, and was a sailor, so he could be anywhere by now. She considered a sending to see if he was well, but thought it was too soon.

She had run into and orc, seeking scholars of nature, and managed to lie herself free of that situation. She'd also run into Bran in the same area. Her lips twisted into a frown. By the looks of him, she was truly terrified that her time was stretching thin. If she did not free herself from the demon soon...

She shook her head to clear it. She would not succumb to desperate thoughts again. She would press forward, but she would not let herself be consumed by the sadness of her situation, not with other current developments.

Going back as far as the first page dedicated to her arrival on the coast one man had come in and out of her writing. The first pages spoke of her sitting beside him at a bar and bending his ear to speak of butterflies and stories. Pages continued as she sampled different drinks at his bar, and he talked about poetry, and love, and dreams.

She laughed, remembering the one time got drunk with a barbarian, going shirtless and getting covered in chicken grease as they ate and made mischief. Then there was the moment a woman hovered over him rubbing his shoulders and Linela felt something she'd never felt before; jealousy.

It was a striking moment of realization really. She was jealous. She wanted to tell the woman off, but why? She looked at him, and she knew. Oh gods... I love him...

So much happened between then and now. They drove each other way, they ran from each other. Life and time separated them and yet they managed to keep ending up staring at each other in the grips of a love they had no hopes for. She flipped back to an entry, one of the only times she had ever been cross with him.

Weeks I have waited. He just broke up with her, and now maybe this time... I'll tell him.
I will tell him again that I love him, and that no other relationship is going to work for me. He must love me... He must. It's the way he looks at me, the way he seeks me out. We were meant to be together... If I say it... If I just say it...

The tears on that page then retold that night more vividly than her words. She went to seek him out at the fire. She'd spent a few days easing back into his life but she was going to tell him tonight... Then she saw him at the fire holding yet another woman. Linela's story was a string of stories like this, and he'd known this time. He had known she was free and still he chose to be with this... Well, the words she'd used weren't kind, and the woman did not deserve that.

Still she tried to stay in his life until a few nights later when she left the fire in silent heartbreak and he came after her.

"Another of my fiances moved on," He explained a name given at the fire.

Linela could not describe what she felt. Something in her mind said, "If you'd love me you'd never love another. I would never leave but you never choose me."

Rather than speak she tried to look busy. She pulled out a book and started writing, trying to look suddenly intent.

"I seem to have a larger collection of ex's than bottles of alcohol on my shelves. Says something about my character. I'm easy to handle in small doses, but at least I've come to learn that," He laughed.

She never tired of him... She wanted more... Larger and larger doses... But he would never choose her. She listened to the banter. The jests about him having a fine sampling of life, making light of his many heartaches, and something in her snapped like the charcoal stick she was writing with.

"Nay, I was ardent in my feelings to each, and was ready to settle into a long life of turning grey and fond memories," He argued with their teasing, "I just always tend to be more serious than the girl I've fallen for. I'm not saying I've always been easy to get along with, but as a Sunite, love is something serious and important to me."

I am a sunite... How many times have I told you now that I love you?

"Poor -----," One man teased, "They just do not understand you."

I do... I understand you. What we want is the same. A house and children and books and music and laughter and fighting and...

The conversation was going on around her, and she stared at her broken writing implement. Then he started talking about the bright new year, his latest of new loves and she just couldn't stay.

"Good for you," She managed in a pleasant tone, "I need a new writing implement. Excuse me. Be well everyone."

She felt his eyes on her, no acting on her part ever seemed to make it past that man. She made her hasty retreat, only to have him upon her heals.

"You walk far too fast," His voice came after her, "You said your quick goodbye, and I was wondering if it were too much to ask a woman I hold in deep fondness, for a hug. I hope um... I reflect on my past too much. I know people see and think that, but no one ever asks me why I do it... No one cares to know."

Her insides stuttered. She knew why he did it, but rather than show yet again how well she knew him gave him a long look and said, "You've never had to ask for a hug before."

"You've never walked off without giving me one before," He fired back, "You were the only person at that fire, that I was happy to see."

The words flew back and forth, at first she tried not to say anything but the topic turned to love and she muttered, "I am the fool. I keep trying to do it right, get close to someone, share with them... Be slow and steady... Build something..."

"Was... that what you were trying to do between you and I?"

Daggers in her heart. It was always constant daggers in the heart. James, her brother, had just had a baby. He'd asked her to return home, said he would reinstate her. She couldn't leave. She couldn't leave... Him...

"You and I," She breathed out bitterly.

He frowned slowly, "Would you deny you ever felt that draw?"

Her eyes took the daggers from her heart and held them ready toward him, "The draw? I loved you. I love you still. That fact is that you will never choose me so do not press."

His expression was suprised and his hands slipped from where they were about to rest on hers, "Press... I..."

"To ask me if I ever felt the draw," She snapped, "I told you honestly how I felt. I loved you and I would love you to the end of my days, but you. will. not. choose. me!"

The argument went on from there. He felt his affection was obvious, and to her that only made it hurt more. Why? Why then was he constantly with everyone but her. No... That's not love. She thought of going home, of giving up on this cursed coast. She stayed, she waited, for him.

"James.. having a child,... you should be pleased because it gives you a chance to be the hero of a sibling. And more, you've now proven enough if you returned home.. to show your parents you can survive in this world. Through crueler hardships than they ever thought you capable," He said in a defeated tone.

The tendrils of her silken hair wove around, catching the breeze. Her eyes lifted to his as he said it. He could not know how much it sounded like he said, "Go home you silly little girl."

He gritted his teeth a second, "And... You're a damn fool if you thought I never felt for you. I held you in my arms while you slept on a couch on my ship, we'd been knee deep in books trying to figure out what was going on with you, and it was too easy to picture a future where you were mine."

She found her fire again, "Then why? Why do you never seek me, never ask? I waited... I've waited so many times."

Then he went on to speak of the men she'd been with, some of whom he'd all but handed her to himself. He related each one like the betrayal she felt over each of his women, "It became too much.... on top of the fact i was forming feelings for you and it was then or never. I couldn't let you in, I'd hurt enough people."

"It is never "then or never" love is not static!" She barked back.

"It was then or never!"

Never... Then or never... It had not been then so it would be never... If he'd had any love for her in his heart, he had bled it out back then. She was such a fool... He could see her destroyed expression. He offered, "I'm sorry for who I've been. When next we talk, I will get myself together."

she shook her head, "No... You won't."

He dipped into a formal bow, "Good evening, miss Linela."

The formality... It shook her soul. She could only offer it back again, "Good evening, ------- ----- --------."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She began writing new entries. It would take several sessions to catch up.

[Tiberis79]

She got stuck on a new entry and so she visited another from the past

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The weeks past and she convinced herself he was never going to love her. She let the weeks past without entertained any suitor who attempted it and roamed the coast. She sang... She danced... She listened to the stories and told a few, but she felt largely alone.

She didn't have any close friends except for him, and she just couldn't face him. She turned to Derik some, whimpering like the lost girl she was, but he seemed to have much to manage himself and she did not want to be a bother. Occasionally she found herself at one of Teris' story telling and she played music to emphasize the story telling. It all seemed so slow and pointless. She still felt like a girl locked in a lonely room who was let out every so often to entertain others.

A big party was coming up at the halls. A big formal affair and formality was something she was educated in. She bought a dress and stared at it each day. Something had to change at that party. Something just had to change.

Then the big day arrived. She was early, awkwardly so. As people filtered in she kept trying to start up conversations, but they seemed to sense her waning self-esteem and moved away quickly to other conversations. Finally she sat at a small table for two to lick her wounds a bit.

Natariel showed up and joined her. She was not much for crowds and Linela's was a familiar face. They joked lightly that they were each other's dates. A few more faces she knew entered and she steeled herself for another attempt.

Everywhere she turned... Everything she tried... She found bitterly cold shoulders.

As she stared at the back of the person she'd smiled and walked up to only to have them turn away and talk to someone else she felt the tears welling. She felt the sting in her sinuses and the heat on her cheeks as she tried to hold it back. She quickly excused herself from Natariel and made her escape into the rainy night.

She went right to the board outside the elfsong and looked hard at a notice of a ship sailing to a port near Sembia. She could surely get home... from... there...

And wither in a beautiful prison... Watching her brothers experiance love and family the likes of which she would never have. She'd never have her house with the wrap around porch. She'd never have her walls lined with bookcases, her rocking chairs, her children... Or a love to share it with.

She most have looked miserable, formal dress and white hair drenched in the rain. That was when Bran happened by. She'd spoken to him briefly, or seen him around the fires, but they were not close. He was a rough, blunt man as much as she could tell, but as many passed her in her misery... He did not. As little cause as he had to care for anyone, he stopped, looked her over, and grunted, "Come along then."

They sat and they drank and he tried to make assumptions of her character, her story, and she soundly shook them off. A lord sauntered up, made his introductions to Linela and asked her to go with him to the very party she left.

He was handsome, well spoken, and it would certainly open doors for her to show back up to the party she felt shunned her on the arm of a lord. A great political move really, and a defiant one. Go back to the party, on the arm of a lord... But she looked between him and Bran.

The lord had not noticed she was still damp from being rained on, nor the redness of the tears that stung her eyes. She politely declined in lieu of knowing the dark figure Bran. The dark figure who did notice. The man that challenged her and listened to her.

It was that little kindness that convinced her that he could be saved... But can be saved and want to be saved were two separate things. Fate was cruel to them both that night. That was the night that would eventually lead her to sell her soul.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She flipped back to the present and began writing again.

[Tiberis79]

It seemed she could only move so far into the present before remembering and looking back at something. She flipped back again to a few more recent memories.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This man that appeared, again and again in her journals. This time he sought her. He found her at the campfire with news to share.

"Teris accused me of being your lover," What a fine hello.

She blushed fiercely and stammered over herself promising him that she would set Teris straight. She would put it right! She would make all things perfectly clear.

"I told him it wasn't so and I took great exception to the idea that I would dishonor you or the woman I was with," He paused and looked her over as he was want to do, "I can't say in any honesty that I found the notion displeasing."

Her mind went a thousand places at once. She looked back to the fire, feeling her cheeks as much ablaze as at log therein. What was she to say? How many times had they been here now on the edge of what needed to be said. He asked to speak with her away from the very public fire. Her insides lurched, and she almost yelped, "No!"

Not here again, not looking him in the eyes and knowing how long I've loved him. I can't fall for it. I can't give him yet another piece of my heart only to have it dashed. Yet, away they walked. He looked at her a while considering, "The blush on your cheeks... You've thought on it? I'm not asking you to leave anyone nor asking you to change directions, I just wondered if I were alone, or if we were ships that passed so close in the night."

He had that affect on her. That ability to send her brain into a twisting cavern of stray thoughts. She came to a hundred responses and a vetoed each one in turn, finally realizing time was passing and he was staring at her all she could manage was...

"I don't know what you want me to say, -----... I told you I loved you, of course I have thought about it," It was as bare as she could make her heart to him. As little and as obvious an admission as it was, she felt like she was standing there naked. Waiting...

He nodded... And he walked away. The next time she saw him, he was with another.

Never again...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[Tiberis79]

Entries about talking about leaving the coast with Huego. How she couldn't do that... How she needed to be here to fight the demon... She'd been left alone a little over two weeks with her thoughts on how she was holding him back, her discussions with him that he should leave her. That kept coming up. That and the talks about something missing. More and more she realized she respected him, but anything approaching love was waning. That happens, and just because she might have the future she wanted... Was it really the future she wanted if it was with him?

She attributed it to sleepless nights and forgetting to eat for as long as she could, but she could not deny much longer that she was dying. The temporary comfort of his arms was not enough. Good man that he was... She did not love him.

Then it was back to that man how always seemed to invade her thoughts. It was the admission at his bar. Where the Guile brother betrayed that ----- could not stop talking about how in love with Linela he was. At first she believed it mistaken identity, but he confirmed it. He told her of the illness that seemed to set into him. He expected it was the same illness that took his grandfather.

He forbade her from returning his professed love, she was with Huego, and he was dying. A woman of honor, she could not deny that she was, even if he'd been gone, and even if she was planning on ending it. She mentioned none of it to ----- sure he would blame himself for telling her. She was sure he would assume she was leaving Huego for him.

She wanted to give it a final shot anyway. Huego was a good man. She wanted to believe she could feel for him the way he felt for her. Still, she could not wait forever. She set a time limit of another two weeks for him to return before she would break up with him by sending if she had to.

Finally he arrived, and she continued their dance, trying to make it work. The 24 of Kythorn she wrote about the dream, watching herself slip away and the needling sensation that there was just something missing between her and Huego. The dream had seemed somehow blocked. Perhaps the demon had not wanted her to see?

And then... She did. She saw his face. The man to whom she always returned. For a year now, he who she kept circling back to. She knew then... Even if he forbade her from saying it, she could love no other, but Huego had gone away another couple days. So she waited, to do things right, to do them honorably.

Unfortunately, the way the next events aligned...

[Tiberis79]

Rather than muse over the next events and their unfortunate timing she was taking by the sound of rainfall outside.

"Rain is the tune to which our song is sung..." His voice echoed in her head.

There was that very near kiss in the rain when she first arrived on the coast, where he held her to keep her warm, wrapping her in his jacket and his arms. She was dying for that kiss, but she knew he wouldn't give it, and he did not. Her hair was chopped short back then, wispy drenched tendrils clung to her face as she clung to him and thought, just don't let go... Please... Don't let go...

But he did, and the rain seemed to weep with her.

The night she told him she loved him it rained. The day he told her not to come back for any more lute lessons, it rained. The night she yelled at him that he would never choose her, it rained. Even has he told her he loved her again on the beach by Candlekeep, in rained.

She decided to skip the unfortunate timing of the next events skip ahead to the accidental meeting at the Anchor in Ulgoth's Beard....

[Tiberis79]

She laid in the sauna, just trying to relax and heal. These days alone with her thoughts... All she could think of was running to him. She'd composed half a dozen songs trying not to go mad with the need to see him. No matter how far she ventured, no matter how long she made herself wait, and no matter who came to call, there was always him. Her thoughts could never be trained away from him for long.

"Lannia?" his voice came through the door, "Lannia, sweetheart, are you here?"

That's right! Lannia owns the Anchor and is his daughter! Before she could react he walked in. She was slick with steam, wearing nothing but her bathing suit. She sat up like a shot and covered herself as best she could with her arms. Why was she doing that? It was a sauna and she was dressed appropriately. Yet, she did. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped and he covered his eyes, backing out and closing the door.

His voice came strangled from the other side. She moved over and laid her hands against the door. She could almost feel him on the other side, standing the same way. If the door were not there... She could be holding him. She laid her forehead against the wood and almost wept at the strain.

Time and space. They were trying to give each other time and space. Part of her railed against it bitterly. They both finally knew how they felt, a year of near misses. They were both finally free at the same time and yet this door stood between them as surely as a wall of stone. All she found in this time away from him was... Him!

Either one of them could fall down dead tomorrow. His illness, her pact, they were on borrowed time and yet they kept trying to do everything the right way. She dressed and opened the door. They stood by the couch, and looked at each other awkwardly. He took his hat off, holding it in both hands in front of him as he stammered on about women and confidence and how she was different some how.

The floodgates opened and they spoke of all the near misses, of a year of trying to do right by everyone but themselves. They spoke of bad decisions and denial, and of the slim time that they might have left. And yet... Still... Of time and distance.

Then something seemed to break between them and he pulled her into his arms, "I've wanted to kiss you for so long."

And there they stood, finally locked together in the kiss they'd been denying they both wanted for a year. Every excuse, every thought of slow and the right way melted. They did not lay together, but never was a single kiss so binding. She began to see him every day, and when he traveled to visit his nephews she make a basket of folded flowers with all her thoughts of him while he was away.

Then, the man who always had some terrific romantic plan... The man that couldn't have a dinner without a poem ready to worship her, was looking down into her eyes and realized he could not wait to enact any great plan. He needed to know her answer now.

"Marry me, Linela..."

He had given her some bit of flowery speech, manners, and professions of love, but those were the words she heard. Those where the words that mattered.

[Tiberis79]

"Love?" She was surprised to see him home, "I thought you were staying with Lannia?"

He said nothing. He closed the distance between them and gathered her up into his arms. The kiss he laid upon her lips melted her bones. He lifted her off her heels, dragging her up in his arms. He didn't relent, not even were she to tried to talk. He stopped finally when he needed to let out a breath, and he murmured, "I love you so much."

"I could not love any other," She said in a daze, "I am yours."

"You're sure of this?" He asked, "Beyond reason of a doubt?"

He rested his forehead against hers, he watched his hand as it trailed down her side to her hip, before his eyes moved back to hers, "Me... this is what you want?"

"Silly man," She teased, "How many times am I to say it? I am sure. I love you with all my heart and place it as an offering at your feet."

His slow smile spread like wildfire across his face, "I ask because shortly there may be no turning back."

She slid her hands up over his shoulders and murmured, "There never was... You are it for me, Aidan Thatcher. You always have been."

It never ceases to amaze me. You never cease to amaze me.

This was meant to be...

That has to be the truth of it.

They soft words of love were interrupted as he looked past her at Shandril. She glanced around the personnel at work and smiles kindly to them each in turn, before her sky blue gaze settles on Aidan and Linela in the distance. Linela closed the distance. In the short time she'd known the priestess she come to a near instant and deep fondness for the woman.

The three talked and Aidan coiled around Linela from behind, expressing his deep affection to his sister. Shandril seemed to know his heart well and was truly happy for them. Aidan would not stop there, asking Shandril to officiate their wedding. Which would be... Here, on the Rose.

And now...

"The deck then," He said with his face in her hair, "I want my greatest memory here to be you."

"The deck," Linela sighed dreamily, leaning back against him.

"Then it is settled," Shandril nodded as her perpetual smile broadened for a moment, "An adequate location for a captain."

He grinned hard, "Let me grab my coat."

"I will be in town for the next day or two, if it," Shandril blinked, ".. oh.. now?"

"You said you were ready now," He laughed, "I'm sorry... kill me if I'm not honest but I don't want to spend another moment of my life without this woman as my wife."

"Never a man to waste time," Shandril luaghed, "Though I'd not waste a moment either, were I the two of you."

Linela blinked at the conversation flying past her. She looked at Aidan and a slow smile crept across her face as she realized he was serious. She gave a nod and said, "Now... Gods... I have almost nothing to wear!"

She fussed with her dress and asked, "Is this adequate?"

"Yes," He beamed, "Yes it is."

"I will fetch some flowers from the deck!" Linela called back as she sprinted up the stairs.

[Tiberis79]

She gathered the flowers she'd so carefully tended while she lived there, weaving them hastily into her long white hair. He silken white hair woven with fresh blooms would be veil enough. Shandril walked ahead to the bow of the ship and consecrated the marriage grounds under the light of the full moon. Shandril did not know but they wanted the ceremony consecrated to hide it from the eyes of the demon that still held her pact.

Aidan caught her fussing with her hair and smiled, he held his hand out to her. Love in his eyes and moonlight upon his features he was stunning. She felt like she was suddenly in a dream as she took his hand and he led her up before Shandril. Already her eyes began to tingle with happy tears. He kissed her hand to reassure her and whispered, "Almost there, my love."

"Come dear friends, guardians of hearts entwined in a perpetual dance of love. See in each other the reflection of such unconditional bond, the desire so commit yourselves to not this moment of bliss of joy, but an endless revelry that is stirred by this affection for each other."

He looked back over his left shoulder and up at the moon as Linela turned her eyes to the priestess, barely containing herself. Silken waves a white dancing about her radiantly loving face. His eyes came back to her, settling on the woman of his dreams.

"The tides come and go, with each squall does the sailor feel his heart rekindled with love for the ocean, so too has Captain Aidan Thatcher, found the mistress of the tides that his vessel yearns to steer by. The anchor of safe harbor and the unpredictably of the ever-changing sea, neither of which shall impede his enduring and ever lasting commitment to miss Linela Fryar." Shandril looked to Linela, "For you shall forever embody them both."

"As this voyage of his soul shall be yours to safe keep and ensure benevolent currents for this vessel. So too does he take the responsibility to be the keeper of yours, lovers hearts entwined are never separated, for in each others unconditional support. Shall you forever find safe a haven, a place of belonging that shall always be open and welcome with the warmth and care, you are both deserving of."

Both barely stifled a laugh of glee as the rain started. The blessed, blessed rain! Linela could no longer hold back her tears of happiness.

I told you, it was the tune by which our song is sung.

"Captain Aidan Thatcher, will you take miss Linela Fryar to be your hearts sole desire and keeper of your soul? That you will do right by her and uphold her honor and the elevate her heart to soar high on the wings of your devoted love, on this plane and all that she would tread."

I so ardently and wholly will.

"Miss Linela Fryar, will you take Captain Aidan Thatcher, to be your lawfully wedded husbond and the guardian of your abundantly loving heart? That he may safe keep it for all eternity and uphold the integrity of your souls, as one."

"I do!," The words burst from her too long contained, "I do, with all my heart, I do."

"All love alive under the light of the moon, is sacred and shall know her blessing. With Selûne as my witness and none to contest her divine will, I pronounce you husband and wife, forever shall your sacred union be blessed under her benevolence. You may kiss the bride."

He barely had the chance before she was in his arms. He lifted her into his arms and buried his mouth against hers, holding her like a man who might never get another chance. The sacred moonmotes seemed to depart from Shandril for a moment, swirling around the couple in a wild dance that seemed to usher them closer to each other. As they kissed Aidan slipped his mother's ring onto Linela's ring finger. A perfect fit.

"By sacred vows that only death shall release you from, the Moonmaiden smiles kindly upon you this night. Let it be known to all, for none may lay bonds or restrictions upon its sanctity."

"I told you, " He murmured with emotions wavering his extremely touched voice, "I would make you my wife... That you were everything."

"And I told you," She retorted, "You would have Linela... Then you would have Susan... and when you arrived at my last name... You would change it."

Shandril smiled and departed, laying a final blessing on the deck of the ship. There they swayed, dancing in the moonlight as Aidan sang to her until the rain again came down upon them and ushered them inside to blankets, books, and each other.

[Tiberis79]

What could be said about the past few months? She lifted her white hair and stared at the ash brown roots coming in. There was no longer any way to style it so that they would be covered up.

It has started with a sickness. It was a few weeks of dizzy spells and her warlock invocations fizzling at inopportune times. Then she was weaker, less tenacious. Eventually, she couldn't remain upright for a full dance without Aidan to lean on. Was this another work of the demon? Did it know it had failed in claiming Aidan an keeping them apart? Vexed by the constant pack of priests consecrating ground about her, had it decided simply to claim her life?

The two spoke of it only in passing. She and Aidan did not need to verbalize their concerns, as they could tell looking into each other's eyes. Instead, she could barely do for herself. He cared for her as any honorable husband would. He fawned over her at every spare moment.

Then they were out walking in the market. She held onto his arm, as she had taken to, so she might steady her once fluid gate. He let go of her arm to gather up some groceries. The world spun and she whimpered trying to reach for him on instinct. She saw the terror in his eyes as it all went black. When she woke, she was back on the Rose. He had a chair pulled to the side of the bed, face in his hands. His hair, normally so meticulously placed, was unbound and hanging with the slump of his weighted shoulders.

"My love," She wished she managed more than a weak whisper.

His face whipped up and he had her hand in an instant, bathing it in kisses and twining his fingers with hers. He managed a smile with moistened eyes and whispered back, "Sweet Nela?"

She smiled. As tired as she felt, it was like a weight had lifted off her. She touched his cheek and said something she had no evidence for, "It's going to be alright. I know it is."

He kissed the back of her hand again and crawled into bed with her, propping her against him and agreed, "Of course it is. Nothing can be wrong forever now that you are by my side."

That was weeks ago. She could barely move about without her doting husband's eyes upon her and arms around her. He had eventually noticed she was dancing again. Her strength and vitality had returned. Then her hair started growing in brown.

She couldn't tell you what it meant, but she could no longer access the eldritch magic. She hoped it meant she was free, but she had never heard of this sort of thing before. As fleeting as happiness had been for her, she refused to mar it by thinking too hard on it.

She and Aidan set out for Sembia to make a long overdue visit to her family.