Update Status for athornforyourheart

Off-Topic Community Conversations and Discussions

Moderators: Moderator, DM

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 673
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 8:19 pm

Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by athornforyourheart » Mon May 06, 2019 1:03 pm

Hello BG Community,

Some may have noticed a silence on my end and sudden repel from Discord and other media outlets. Because I love this community and its players I thought i would share something with you all. Please bare in mind, this message is not to provoke sympathy but more or less help people understand why Media Team has been silent on certain topics and also share with you a real life issue.

I am a United States Veteran. I served two combat tours in Iraq one tour in Afghanistan. I was an infantry team leader, grenadier, 240 Bravo machine gunner, breachman, and Bradley Operator. I wore many hats to cover down on fallen / injured comrades. When I returned, I didn't know I returned with mental trauma. I thought I was okay... I refused help, many times. I thought medicating myself and drinking profusely was a normal reaction. Eventually, I stopped drinking as much after my son was born... but as most would agree, leaving mental trauma untouched can be a very dangerous thing.

I finally decided to get help a few years back - I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Great, I've been labeled. I didn't much like that and even until this day I am both embarrassed and ashamed of it. I'll try and make long story short and say.... I stopped treatment... and my PTSD got worse.

Last week, my PTSD and mental trauma caught up with me... and it caused me to emotionally hurt someone whom I consider one of the most dear in my life ... and in turn, it has effected me.

I suppose what I ultimately wanted to say is that I've been away dealing with this issue. I am now seeking the help I needed back then. For myself and for those special someone's in my life because I matter. This i am learning.

I will slowly return to the community and go back to creating your armors and content when I am a bit better and I want to say very soon because I refuse to sit around moping. I will be vigilant in my recovery, but patient at the same time. For those I never responded to in BG discord and messages here, please understand, it was nothing personal... I just didn't know how to reply.

I never really speak of my PTSD but am hoping for change... and being open about it, I feel, is a great start for me.

I hope to rejoin you all in game very soon however as I hope to be back to regular routine again.

Thank you,

Aiden Vega

User avatar
Custom Content
Posts: 662
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:11 am
Location: Poland

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Ravial » Mon May 06, 2019 1:13 pm

Rooting for you man! Take good care, time and stay strong. Mental health and people close to you are few of the most important things in the world and they totally take precedence over some game.

*Sending positive energy!*
"I sometimes wonder if Ravial is actually rav'ialquessir irl" ~ Colonic 2017

~Viridiana Lydhaer - Retired. Silverymoon!
~Arundae Dyraalis - Retired.
~Amaevael Laelyssil - Retired, Selu'Taar on Evermeet
~Laeria Amarillis - #HideThePainLaeria

Ravial ~ By CommanderKrieg ~

User avatar
Posts: 53
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 11:45 am

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by >MissClick!< » Mon May 06, 2019 1:24 pm

Wishing you all the best, athorn. Keep that chin up!
Your honesty and openness is admirable and good on you for ensuring you take the time you need.
Thank you for all the work that you do, please take care of yourself and come back happy and healthy!

User avatar
Posts: 314
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 3:03 pm
Location: US (EST)

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Winterborne » Mon May 06, 2019 1:47 pm

As someone whose job involves working with people with similar issues, my heart goes out to you.

Trauma is an insidious and elusive thing. It hides on us and effects us in different ways and makes us not ourselves by eating away at us in ways we might not even notice until it's done significant damage already. There is no shame in wearing a "label" as you put it and taking steps to get the proper help you need. It may feel to you like you should have done more and been able to handle it on your own but nobody, nobody ever, deserves to face that kind of thing without help - it's an unfair burden to expect of any one person.

Do not ever let yourself believe that you're somehow diminished by needing help - if anything the opposite is true - it takes a lot of inner strength to recognize being unable to handle something on your own. Taking that step can be the hardest part for many people, and not everyone ends up taking it.

You're a great person and I am glad to hear that you're taking the steps to care for yourself, even if it takes you away from the community. We aren't going anywhere and you aren't letting us down.

Do what you need to do to be okay.
Nathan Goldenmane - Knife Fighter of Sune

Steward and Head of Business, House Darius -
Guard and Performer, The Siren's Song

User avatar
Recognized Donor
Posts: 630
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:11 pm
Location: Alabama

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by YourMoveHolyMan » Mon May 06, 2019 2:03 pm

Come back when you're ready. Take all the time you need, and godspeed to your recovery sir.
Michael Dunn

User avatar
Posts: 114
Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2019 7:10 pm
Location: UK

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Mursey » Mon May 06, 2019 2:37 pm

PTSD is one hell of a monkey on your back. More so than depression. The two together are a terrible combination.

As both a vet myself and as a nurse, I have a very good concept of how difficult this process has been for you. I won't claim to understand what you are going through, because not only have I been fortunate enough never to suffer from either, but because everyone who experiences PTSD and depression experiences it in their own unique and troubling manner. I don't mean to sound like I'm talking down to you, because I'm not (and yet the written word is a terrible means of conveying tone), but please believe me that -trite and cliched as it may sound- admitting you need help is a huge step.

It's literally the biggest hurdle you will face in learning to live with your condition and live with it well. It won't all be downhill from here, and it won't be a smooth ride, but the biggest challenge is behind you now.

All the best. You will get through it.

User avatar
Posts: 626
Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 8:12 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by izzul » Mon May 06, 2019 3:39 pm

it takes a strong man with real gut to express your condition to everyone athorn.

we will always stay strong beside you, and fight alongside you should we are able in any way possible.
Izz Azzul-Lady Red Knight[Active]
Kruegr Earthstone-Grumbar Trader viewtopic.php?f=55&t=56617 [Partially Trading]
Amber Heartseeker-Siamorphe[partially Active]
Ariel Return-Mystra[partially active]
Diana Prince-White Slayer[Slaying]
Iezzyn-Intuition UD socializer[partially socializing]

User avatar
Custom Content
Posts: 988
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:10 am
Location: Denmarkian!

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Progressive-Psy » Mon May 06, 2019 3:41 pm

Take care of YOU bro, we'll be here once you're ready to come back! YOU matter more than this server. Talk to you on discord.
Fingal Darius.
'The hardest thing is to kill the monster inside you, without killing yourself in the process''

GMT +2

User avatar
Global Admin
Posts: 11382
Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 4:24 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Maecius » Mon May 06, 2019 9:37 pm

I've said most of what I wanted to say on Discord already, but know that our community -- as shown in this thread -- has your back and supports you in this.

Take all the time you need. We're not going anywhere here at your virtual home away from home, and your position on Media Team isn't going anywhere either. We'll be here when you're ready to start easing back in, so don't feel rushed to do so.

User avatar
Posts: 2036
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:21 pm
Location: Missoula Montana BIG SKY COUNTRY

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Calodan » Mon May 06, 2019 10:34 pm

Much love and grace brother. I know your pain and heartache. Will be thinking of you and sending the vibes you need. Keep up the fight and do not give up man! Do not be a 22.
Kory Sentinel
"We should take the army head on!"

"... it sounds like a terrible idea, but look at that smile."
"And he just sounds so confident ... he is a favored soul."
"Even if we don't survive, he will, and isn't that what matters?" -Red Lancer

User avatar
Recognized Donor
Posts: 5530
Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2015 5:42 am
Location: Paradise in GMT +1

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Steve » Tue May 07, 2019 3:25 am

Here’s to strength and continued courage on your journey, Ath. Cheers.

|> Henryk UrdeSword of Justice, the New Church of Tyr
|> Simsae OrcslayerStonesinger of the Telormar Gultor & citizen of the Kingdom of Kraak Helzak
|> Monserrate — Circle of Rust and the Worm

User avatar
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 5:31 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Fury_US » Tue May 07, 2019 4:53 am

I won't give you empty sympathy, Athorn.

I will give you support. I'll give you an ear any time you need it, I'll give you compassion, and understanding (as one who knows the burden of mental illness, though I won't claim to know the path you walk). You'll have my concern, and my hope. You've my virtual shoulder if ever you need it, and my gratitude for all that you have given- in service, in this hobby, and as the gentle soul who keeps us degenerate Northern Watchmen in line.

It's hard- so hard- to keep the stigma from making you feel ashamed, embarrassed, ostracized- but you can't let it win that fight. Yes, sometimes we need a hand to help pull us up, but don't ever forget we keep getting back up.

Love and respect to you, man. You're a goddamn hero.
Wren Di'Corvi
"A bit ex-Zhentric" -Winterborne

User avatar
Custom Content
Posts: 5243
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:23 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by LISA100595 » Tue May 07, 2019 5:49 am

Well said Fury.

I can only say if you need me i'm here for you.. always. ;)
Lady Elvina Aira-S'efarro - The Order of the Silver Rose
Salaria - Bounty Hunter half-sister of Darius Brothers
Angelina Northstar - Holy Warrior of Tyr / Knight of the Silver Rose
Matilda Stonehold - Honorable Sheild Dwarf
Loriah Swift - Morninglord of Lathander

User avatar
Posts: 2278
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2010 12:10 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Lockonnow » Tue May 07, 2019 5:07 pm

you re health come firest then you family then if you have more enegry come back to use it on us stay strong and care

User avatar
Posts: 243
Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2018 9:56 pm

Re: Update Status for athornforyourheart

Unread post by Balthomer » Fri May 10, 2019 4:32 am

Much love and support, if you need to talk to someone Im available on the discord for you, usernamae is ElDiabloDDD

Post Reply