- Posts: 670
- Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 8:19 pm
Some may have noticed a silence on my end and sudden repel from Discord and other media outlets. Because I love this community and its players I thought i would share something with you all. Please bare in mind, this message is not to provoke sympathy but more or less help people understand why Media Team has been silent on certain topics and also share with you a real life issue.
I am a United States Veteran. I served two combat tours in Iraq one tour in Afghanistan. I was an infantry team leader, grenadier, 240 Bravo machine gunner, breachman, and Bradley Operator. I wore many hats to cover down on fallen / injured comrades. When I returned, I didn't know I returned with mental trauma. I thought I was okay... I refused help, many times. I thought medicating myself and drinking profusely was a normal reaction. Eventually, I stopped drinking as much after my son was born... but as most would agree, leaving mental trauma untouched can be a very dangerous thing.
I finally decided to get help a few years back - I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Great, I've been labeled. I didn't much like that and even until this day I am both embarrassed and ashamed of it. I'll try and make long story short and say.... I stopped treatment... and my PTSD got worse.
Last week, my PTSD and mental trauma caught up with me... and it caused me to emotionally hurt someone whom I consider one of the most dear in my life ... and in turn, it has effected me.
I suppose what I ultimately wanted to say is that I've been away dealing with this issue. I am now seeking the help I needed back then. For myself and for those special someone's in my life because I matter. This i am learning.
I will slowly return to the community and go back to creating your armors and content when I am a bit better and I want to say very soon because I refuse to sit around moping. I will be vigilant in my recovery, but patient at the same time. For those I never responded to in BG discord and messages here, please understand, it was nothing personal... I just didn't know how to reply.
I never really speak of my PTSD but am hoping for change... and being open about it, I feel, is a great start for me.
I hope to rejoin you all in game very soon however as I hope to be back to regular routine again.
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- Location: Poland
*Sending positive energy!*
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Your honesty and openness is admirable and good on you for ensuring you take the time you need.
Thank you for all the work that you do, please take care of yourself and come back happy and healthy!
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- Location: US (EST)
Trauma is an insidious and elusive thing. It hides on us and effects us in different ways and makes us not ourselves by eating away at us in ways we might not even notice until it's done significant damage already. There is no shame in wearing a "label" as you put it and taking steps to get the proper help you need. It may feel to you like you should have done more and been able to handle it on your own but nobody, nobody ever, deserves to face that kind of thing without help - it's an unfair burden to expect of any one person.
Do not ever let yourself believe that you're somehow diminished by needing help - if anything the opposite is true - it takes a lot of inner strength to recognize being unable to handle something on your own. Taking that step can be the hardest part for many people, and not everyone ends up taking it.
You're a great person and I am glad to hear that you're taking the steps to care for yourself, even if it takes you away from the community. We aren't going anywhere and you aren't letting us down.
Do what you need to do to be okay.
Steward and Head of Business, House Darius -
Guard and Performer, The Siren's Song
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As both a vet myself and as a nurse, I have a very good concept of how difficult this process has been for you. I won't claim to understand what you are going through, because not only have I been fortunate enough never to suffer from either, but because everyone who experiences PTSD and depression experiences it in their own unique and troubling manner. I don't mean to sound like I'm talking down to you, because I'm not (and yet the written word is a terrible means of conveying tone), but please believe me that -trite and cliched as it may sound- admitting you need help is a huge step.
It's literally the biggest hurdle you will face in learning to live with your condition and live with it well. It won't all be downhill from here, and it won't be a smooth ride, but the biggest challenge is behind you now.
All the best. You will get through it.
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we will always stay strong beside you, and fight alongside you should we are able in any way possible.
Ariel Return-Tinkerer of Mystra[Active]
Diana Prince-White Slayer[Slaying]
Iezzyn-Intuition UD socializer[partially socializing]
Drake-Mielikki's Scimitar[looking for adamantine scimmy]
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“When I die, fock it, I wanna go to hell
'Cause I'm a piece of shite, it ain't hard to fockin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven with the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Timbs and black hoodies”
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Take all the time you need. We're not going anywhere here at your virtual home away from home, and your position on Media Team isn't going anywhere either. We'll be here when you're ready to start easing back in, so don't feel rushed to do so.
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"We should take the army head on!"
"... it sounds like a terrible idea, but look at that smile."
"And he just sounds so confident ... he is a favored soul."
"Even if we don't survive, he will, and isn't that what matters?" -Red Lancer
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I will give you support. I'll give you an ear any time you need it, I'll give you compassion, and understanding (as one who knows the burden of mental illness, though I won't claim to know the path you walk). You'll have my concern, and my hope. You've my virtual shoulder if ever you need it, and my gratitude for all that you have given- in service, in this hobby, and as the gentle soul who keeps us degenerate Northern Watchmen in line.
It's hard- so hard- to keep the stigma from making you feel ashamed, embarrassed, ostracized- but you can't let it win that fight. Yes, sometimes we need a hand to help pull us up, but don't ever forget we keep getting back up.
Love and respect to you, man. You're a goddamn hero.
"A bit ex-Zhentric" -Winterborne
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I can only say if you need me i'm here for you.. always.