Never Again Forget - Saint Merielle Silene

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-SECOND ENTRY]

Talk. Talk of war. Talk of faith. Talk of the past. Talk of the future. So many words, so many conversations. Painful words, pleasant ones, words meant to cut like knives or to soothe. Rumors, lies, truths and echoed sentiments. Warnings, threats… promises. Today was a day of words. Tentative and dangerous alliances made, in a time when enemies are numerous and hard to find. There are rumors of murders in the night. I hear tale that the Bhaalists lay the deaths at my feet. I can do naught but beg forgiveness. The Tyrrans rally to face both the Bhaalists and the Banites… to what end I wonder? Dark are the days and the lands run red with blood. Blood of the innocent, blood of the enemy… even the sanctity of the temple is not safe from the torrent of it. I see it in the eyes of many on the streets… Fear… Loss… and through it all we must Endure.

There has not been the swift retaliation I expected from Joan’s enemies, nor has there been retaliation from the Bhaalist we were so close to keeping… Save for the flurry of words… all has been quiet. My heart stirs in the quiet, writhing in that painful, uncertain peace that it cannot fully trust. We wait… A test of faith, a test of endurance… of trust in the words of Ilmater.

Selah and I spoke at length both on the trip from Beregost, and once we arrived at the temple. We spoke of the children mostly… specifically of Billy. The turn of the conversation was an unpleasant one… but necessary I think. Fortunately I was saved dwelling too long on the implications of her words. Surely she did not mean to hint that … surely not indeed. Such a thing could not be considered, save as a last resort, and only with the blessing of Ilmater. We are not in such dire straights yet.

I worry increasingly of Dianne… Far too long in the hands of those. I fear the killings that have come about… I pray against all hope and reason that somehow she can be returned to me. I beg Ilmater keep her. I know in cases of such unjust suffering, He may suffer on their behalf. I know the suffering of children angers my lord so… I find myself wondering if his wrath shall fall upon those who would do her such harm… I pray that she does not suffer alone, that she knows my heart is with her. I pray she can understand… that her heart can be mended… Forgive me my dearest love. I have wronged you so in the name of a duty I cannot forsake… know I would give anything that was mine to give to spare you this hand you have been dealt by a cruel fate… Be strong my little darling, as I know you are… it will be made right in the end…

I pray I have the strength to walk this path that becomes more treacherous every passing day… Guidance that I do not waver or misstep. I see my duty draw others to Ilmater, and in this dark span of days, it is a light to my soul. Joan has asked to learn of Ilmater’s path. I will happily walk these first steps with her, and Mercy willing, the steps thereafter. She is a good friend, a good woman. Yes she has seen her fair share of tribulation, but she has ever walked an angry path. Mercy has finally found her, and I am overjoyed for her. I will finish transcribing a book for her, as I have so many others. I hope my labor is for good purpose. She seems… Yes. I truly think she is ready. The encounter with the Nobleman’s son has impacted her greatly. She is reflectively quiet. She is finally ready to let go of anger and pain… and it is a joy to my heart. I pray I may guide her wisely.

Firavain brought an… ally to my door this day. He is… charming… given his background. He was also able to name some of the shadows that walk in my steps. He reminds me a great deal of another I knew so many years ago with a penchant for ironic wit. He seemed rather… at odds with the differences between the world he lives in and the world I live in. Information was exchanged, and I admire his confidence. To kill the enemy before she has a chance to strike and for myself to… effectively… avoid getting snared in a web.

Our conversation was cut slightly short by a call for aid. There was a young woman, and she is being beset by a poison, but it isn’t really a poison by my knowing… but a binding of sorts? I am not sure. Apparently a rather shady group is blackmailing her into some unpleasant sounding tasks in exchange for the antidote. The whole thing sounds -very- distasteful. If I can help her I will. Mercy to her in her plight… may she endure until a proper solution can be found.

There were other conversations as the day wore on. I sought rest eventually, when all had gone quiet. Sleep hardly reaches me any more… I nap. An hour or two a day at best. Nightmares caused by present monstrosities… and darker foreboding dreams fueled by fears thought long buried beneath the surface of the earthen lands… Shadows that have clawed their way to the surface, painful nightmares of loss and shortcoming. I sleep enough to keep exhaustion at bay and sickness from passing my way from lack of sleep, no more… no less. I long for a moment’s peace… a moment of safe, quiet renewal…

Ilmater grant me strength. I will not waver. I have not walked these thousands of steps in all my paths to fall now. Mercy will prevail one way or the other. There is no end but this!
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-THIRD ENTRY]

I slept. I dreamt of that which is not a dream. I stood at the feet of Ilmater. That gentle smile, that wash of comfort in his presence I may never feel I have earned. This time was bittersweet. My focus is renewed. My oath is maintained… the cost was great, and in my anger my steps had faltered. In the grace that is Ilmater’s mercy I stood. I let my heart break, knowing the why of it. Knowing that in the end… there is only Mercy…

I asked him of the children, of Dianne… And his answer was a simple beckoning glance to the mist.

‘She is with me now Merielle.’

My breath caught as I looked to this small hand that had tugged at my cloak. The understanding in that moment… But how can I grieve the loss of something that was always my lords? Her suffering was great. I wished to spare her of it… to draw her away from it… but it was not my place… No matter how my heart and my anger pulled me in this… She rests in the peace and comfort that is Mercy. The truest mercy in the halls of Ilmater atop Mount Martyrdom… no pain will ever find her. The steps that lead her to such peace weighs heavily on my heart… But this peace is hers, a rest more than earned.

‘I am safe now Sister Merielle.’

‘Oh darling I am glad of that. I… am sorry I could not come get you love.’

‘I love you Sister Merielle. I know you love me too.’

Oh that gentle child… to understand the circumstances that lead her to such a place. An endurance and sufferance few possess. These two dear children that touch my life and my heart. How they teach me of the Mercy I walk in! Our words were bright and full of joy as we talked for those fleeting moments. Finally it was time for her to go. A hug my gift, my treasure from her in that place. Her sacrifice in this war against the Lord of Murder will not be in vain… it will not go unremembered. We will not fail. We cannot fall. Mercy must prevail… for the sake of these who suffer… for the sake of those who would suffer similarly should we fail…

‘Tell Billy I miss him…’

She smiled and bounded off into the mist. I found words difficult, but in my heart I knew things were as they should be.

‘She has found Mercy in death Merielle. Nothing can harm her now.’

‘I am glad of that… I am.’

His smile was a balm to my heart, his words conveyed understanding of the weight of it all.

‘I know that it has been hard for you my child.’

I looked after Dianne one last moment before our conversation turned again to the tasks at hand. We spoke of Billy. And then came time to address my own failing before it destroyed all I held dear. He looked at me then, a flash of sadness so brief before he spoke the words I knew in my heart I needed to hear, and justly deserved. He spoke of the Hin Bhaalist.

‘That one… The Shadow of the Vile One. You let your feelings steer you from the path of mercy.’

I bowed my head knowing he was right. As terrible as he was… it is not Mercy’s way to hate…

‘I am sorry my lord Ilmater.’

‘I can see the hatred inside of you Merielle. Do not let it consume you.’

I could naught but nod my head. I thought of Dianne, of the Hin… and felt my heart twist. There under the gaze of my god I knew the wrongness of it. If the enemy can instill hate in my heart then I am allowing them a small victory they should not have claim to. I must make peace in my heart. If I am to be the hand that acts in the name of Mercy then I must serve only Mercy.

‘My heart will be more guarded in dealing with this one.’

He nodded then. His gaze was one of a Father to a Child, a Guardian to his keep, a God to one he calls Chosen. Yes. I knew my path. I knew my enemy. I would not let him have purchase in my heart. I cast my anger away from me as Ilmater bid me return to my work.

‘Go now… Back to your life, and let -Mercy- guide your steps.’

I woke then, the robes he had given me in my hand, and again I was left to wonder if I had truly slept. I felt rested… Despite the poignancy that laced the meeting… my heart felt lighter. Hate is truly a fearsome weight to bear. It is good I gained that rest, for as I walked from my room… there would be much to do.

I told Brother Marcus of this dream as I had the others. He, like me understood the implications of such things. We were all very glad that she suffered no longer… Still, I wonder if their hearts ached as mine for the loss of her? She suffers no longer… She rests in the arms of Mercy. Oaths maintained. We have her back in a fashion. The enemy holds her no longer. It is not the end I had hoped for… But even in this end… Mercy prevailed.
~~

Noric was very ill and required some attention… though it seems the illness is sort of… self inflicted. After a rather odd series of requests, and a strange ritual he appeared more himself. Though truly I am left to wonder just what that is. I suppose it is more proper to say he looked more like the normal illusion of himself.

‘My body is just… dying…’

He spoke of things I had not given thought to since leaving the -care- of the Red Wizard. He spoke of grafts and obsessions. For a moment I could see the face of my former Master… I could hear the same disgust and self-loathing. At least Noric appears to lack the madness… He doesn’t seem so nearly consumed by it. To dabble in such things is never wise. It seems he has paid his penance, though it is likely the cost will be exacted through all his days remaining. I cannot help but wonder the fairness of his plight. There was more he wished to discuss no doubt, but our conversation was interrupted.

Selah have been sent a message. Well, it was also addressed to me, but that may have only been because her ailment was known to those that sent the message. It had arrived at the Feldepost, but Sam was good enough to have it sent to the temple. The contents of the message, left Selah very upset… almost… angry. One of her number had been taken, the message did not go into detail, but asked for her attention. I sent a messenger to Beregost to seek this man out. I asked that he please come see Selah here as travel would be more difficult for her than for this other.

When he arrived later, I had meant to be present for the meeting… but a ruckus at the front of the temple called to my ears. By the time I, had things well enough in hand, the man had left and Selah was resting. I will have to ask her when next she wakes what troubles her and how I may aid her.

The -ruckus- was the arrival of Harker. That man… his manners unnerve me. Still, distasteful as it is, his presence is -required- by circumstance. However, we did not get to speak, as another interruption sent the man to the shadows he walks. I have yet to see him since.

Why can the past not lay in its dank shadows like it should? Leave me well enough to the light? Blast the Drow and their obsessions with power, and Matron Baenund and her precious daughter are the worst of them! She moves quickly and with the grace of a Drider two legs short. No doubt by now she seeks her missing assassin. She seeks much. She seeks that blasted Soulkeep Amulet! So much trouble could be avoided if I could have found the strength to destroy the cursed thing during the completion of my last -test-! Then there would be no amulet for her to seek… But then I would likely be dead instead of in a position to stop her.

‘I was meant, by my mother to be the means of the Matron’s destruction…’

I thought the day I watched him burn to death ended that. As my heart broke that day, his calm… his acceptance of his fate confused me. His eyes never left mine… I never saw him flinch as the flames consumed him. Did he know then what path I would take? That the Matron’s other sons plotted against her, that everything they did would lead me to this place now? Is the promise yet unfulfilled? Perhaps now, here, I have inadvertently become the catalyst to her demise… For in seeking this amulet, it seems she is gaining a healthy dose of enemies. Enough pieces are in place… she can be toppled… she can be defeated. It can end. Finally safe? Dare I hope that one day I can look back and see no shadow but my own? Time alone can reveal the mystery that lay in wait.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of words and duties as the contents of my dream replayed through my mind. I tried to sleep, but could not. I found myself weaving wreaths instead. In the morning I will take down the posters seeking Dianne’s return, are replace them with wreaths in her honor. Mercy seeks the enemy with a clear mind and an untroubled heart. Mercy will prevail… there is no end but this.
~~

[LeslieMS]

///
Journal entry for yesterday will be combined with entry for today.
I enjoyed what little rp I got with all of you yesterday, but only on for an hour and a half, and being afk for about a third of that...

Today is much better, should get lots of RP in today =)
See you all soon IG!
///

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-FOURTH ENTRY]

People should be judged on deed and merit. Actions speak louder than words. True. But there is power in words. Words can win a battle that a sharp sword could not. A sharp tongue can wound as surely as any well kept blade. Words can calm, comfort… Words can renew and destroy. In truth, there comes a time for sword and spell song. There comes a time for sharp tongues and sharp wits. When battles are decided not only by the strength of the arm that swings the sword, but the strength of the faith that fuels the soul. We must compliment each other’s strengths, and protect each other’s weaknesses if we are to win this. The true power lies in a force unified by a common enemy, though each stands for different reason, as they stand, the enemy falls. The time for action comes swiftly, but the last few days have been reflective… a time of words. There are many of note.

A walk to clear my thoughts took my steps past a large group whose intent was to lay waste to the Banites. There were several familiar faces, and many new faces. I was pleased to see the allies of the Triad ready to face our foes. Those who murder children in the night and strike at the helpless for no other cause than they can. Indeed we were strong, and I prayed strong enough.

I was not prepared however, for the humbling I received that night. I can scarce understand how I have become such a figurehead. A healer from Trademeet. A simple woman with few needs and fewer wants. A servant of mercy, who made her way to the Ilmatari temple so many months ago to drop her coins on the alter and ask guidance. Now they address me as one would nobility? Insist that such respects are earned, but what could I have done to earn it so? It is… disturbing the number willing to pledge swords for -my- sake.

‘It is not I who need your respect, but the Gods. It is not I who need your protection, but the people.’

I seek desperately to guide them properly, but I am hardly a leader. And yet… they follow. Nobles haven’t such fine armed guards. At the faintest glimpse of distress on my part, I watched in shock as others rallied with alarming speed and number. I appreciate that I am blessed with friends and allies so loyal… If every innocent caught in this, every child could be so well protected in the face of Bhaal and Bane… then perhaps… I could rest. The enemy that prays on the defenseless and the compromised, who kills children in their beds… With Dianne’s passing I truly fear where their eyes will fall next.

So many who are dear to me. Have I the strength to stand? To hold my oaths? Ilmater be with me… I cannot waver! Questions ask why I have not moved him… Where? Where could I move this child that he would be safe from the eyes of the Gods? And I can hardly pass my oath to another. This oath was mine to undertake, this burden is mine to bear. I could no sooner pass it away to another, Ilmatari or otherwise, than I could give up my faith. To protect him, keep him safe and from Bhaal no matter the cost. No, my oaths will stand. I will not waver.
~~

It was late when I stopped cleaning and cooking and finished my other duties. I sought rest but sleep would not come. I donned my cloak and stepped quietly out of the temple. I know every squeaky board in the floor. I could navigate that temple in the dark, and my soft boots, worn by use, hardly made a sound. I gathered up the baskets by the door. So many wreaths I wove, and lain them in so many places. People grieved Dianne’s passing each in their own way. This is my way, to acknowledge their pain and anger, and offer me an outlet for my own heart ache. I gathered flowers, not sure how long I walked and wasn’t aware of how far until I found myself overlooking the sea. Wildflowers, daisies and brilliant red poppies filled the baskets on my arms.

Billy was well protected, as was the temple, and though many will call me fool, I was safe enough. How I had gone so many hours without escort is a wonder… lately I cannot talk half a breath without a pair of eyes or a ready blade near by, and it is not always friend and ally that watches so closely… I sat the baskets down and looked down over the edge of the cliff. How many times had I come to this place? How many times had I let my doubts and anger get carried away on the swift winds? How many tears did I offer to the sea?

‘Do not let it consume you…’

The words of Ilmater found me in my solace, like they had so often. I did as my lord bid me do… I let it all go, the tears and the anger drawn away by the peace of that place. I cried and I screamed, my heart empty of those things which work against Mercy, and I felt… peace. The wind stilled, the sea calmed and all was quiet. If the enemy sought me there, they stayed hidden and silent, and I cared not. I sat and looked over the sea, and I drank in the peace of it all.

As dawn found the land, Emrys found me. A single, beautiful white rose, that he intended for Dianne he now gave to me. It was lovely, even as roses go. The thorns carefully removed, and the blossom in brilliant repose. The stark whiteness of the petals seemed to shine in the light of morning. I took that brilliant blossom and wove it into a ring with brilliant red poppies. The crown of the wreath, that radiant rose, and I gave it back to him.

Words were spoken, of comfort, but ultimately… for some things there are no words. He began to work on a poem for Val, and I began work on one last wreath. There was one more thing I needed to give to the sea. My pain… I could not carry grief for her death with me. There was no need, not really. Mercy held her now, and when that final time came, and I stood at the base of Mount Martyrdom, I would hold her again. For now there was work to do, and my place was here.

I worked all day on the wreath, at some point Ian joined us. Little was said. I wove red cloth and white cloth, red poppy and white daisy, sprigs of brilliant and fragrant wildflowers and herbs. I made sturdy the weight of the flowers with extra cloth and bits of twine and twig. It became a massive rope of flowers easily a hand span wide, and long enough that as I brought the ends together, her new doll I finished the day before rest in a flower cradle. I secured the doll in the center and took a piece of red silk. I tied an elegant bow at the base and studied my handiwork.

As the sunset painted bright colors across the sky, I looked over the sea… so calm. I stood and took up the wreath. I crept to the edge of the cliff, mindful of my footing. I was barely aware of Emrys and Ian joining me at the edge. I whispered a prayer… and a promise that I would see her again soon and let the wreath go.

The breeze seemed to catch it and carry it away from the rocks below. The fading daylight glimmered across the silken bow. I watched wordlessly as it landed without dislodging a single blossom. Merciful sea that it was that eve, it did not carry the wreath to the rocks, but instead it seemed to spin and drift. The doll turned, it seemed to look our way, and then on some current we could not see, it turned and drifted from sight.
~~

It was some moments later when I spoke with Ian about his son. There is much work to do, if they are to find peace… I think truly they both desire it too. If one can forgive himself, and the other learn to control his emotion… the two of them can learn to be at peace, together… I will help if I can. There is much to do, but I hold hope it can be done. They may doubt, each for their own reasons… but Mercy prevails… it always finds a way.

When I returned to the temple I found Emrys and Thomas there. Thomas is an interesting fellow. I am not quite sure what to make of him really… Elrith seems to think ill of him, if the daggers she shoots from her eyes are an indication of anything. He seems well meaning enough though. He seems a bit capricious, and his penchant for flattery and flirtation, more than once caught me off guard. He intends to join with the Weave Masters, and in the meantime is content to offer aid at the temple… To whatever end that may meet, I pray he seeks little more than conversation, for if he seeks any other, he will be disappointed.

Emrys has made a long running joke of this Silver Dragon nonsense and has decided he will try his hand at matchmaking. I even have a new title to go with it:
Sister Merielle Williams Silver Dragoness of Ilmater
I cannot help but laugh, and his efforts to lift my spirits were not in vain. Still I think he has outdone his beloved Val in this… she only sought to pair me with a man. Emrys’ sights, jokingly of course, are much higher standard. After all, there are few creatures more noble and good than Silver Dragons, so I have heard.

Pleasant things are not meant to last indefinitely though. I found myself making cakes and muffins to distract my mind, and Thomas and I passed conversation. However… we had an unintended guest by then… if you can call your opposition a guest. There were whispers in my ear then. I know the Bhaalist Hin’s accent and gruff whisper by now so well I hardly hesitate to associate his face with the words that reach my ears and no others. For his own safety I hastily sent Thomas to seek Emrys. Did he note the distress in my expression, or did he know the meaning of the message I asked him to deliver? Which hardly matters. The Hin spoke his cruel words, intent on riling my anger and twisting pain in my heart. Another voice in my thoughts, held me steady:

‘That one… The Shadow of the Vile One. You let your feelings steer you from the path of mercy. I can see the hatred inside of you Merielle. Do not let it consume you. …Let -Mercy- guide your steps.’

The coward turned to leave and I quipped wryly:

‘Oh won’t you stay for tea?’

‘Don’t press your luck woman!’

I followed his voice out of the temple and spoke a challenge which he of course answered with threats.

‘You don’t want to die tonight do you?’

I knew he was fully capable of it… caution bid me not rile him to far lest I be fallen before Thomas and Emrys get back. Thomas apparently was trying to raise an army. I was surprised to see Maximus’ dear wife there. I thought of the child I had helped her deliver and could not risk her well being… even before the Bhaalist spoke I was reassuring her that she needn’t stay for my sake.

‘You better send her away.’

It proved my thoughts, those words. The coward was content with my torment. Content with trying to turn me from my path, make me question my principles and turn to anger and hate… I would not let him… not again. I had wavered once… I would not so easily misstep. The next thing I knew the voice at my side was gone, and there was a veritable crowd ready to jump to my aid. I imagine in the confusion the coward slinked away in his shadows. I sought to reassure everyone that I was well. After all, nothing was served by my death or by Billy’s. It was everyone else I worried about. However no doubt the Halfling puzzled out the meaning of the message I sent Thomas to deliver to Emrys, and in his rush to protect me, and his lack of subtlety, I am sure the same trick will not work twice. No matter. The man can try to draw me from my path… he won’t succeed. Mercy will find him in swiftest death, and when Bhaal turns him away for his failure… Well I can think of no greater justice.
~~

Joan’s cooking is coming along nicely. She is a fast learner, and presented me with some wonderful muffins. I have noticed her arrogance has calmed, her overconfidence, and quickness to come to blows have slowed and toned down. I am proud of her progress, both as a mentor and as a dear friend. She is a good woman, and I hope through all of this, she can find peace with her misgivings.

I also spoke with Noric today, and while I don’t know there is much that can be done for him, he at least understands his mistakes. I pray that someday mercy can find him… and perhaps ease his burden. Still the last several conversations with him have shed light on his demeanor. Her is a man that once walked a dark path, and now seeks light. May he find it, for all are deserving of the mercy of a second chance.

I found some time to speak with Selah amid a day so filled with words it boggles the mind. Seems the missive she received was either a miscommunication, or the fullness of the situation is not yet understood. Either way, she is content to wait and act. Though it is evident that this woman in question is dear to her for reasons of her own. I told her of Dianne… I also allowed her to offer the comfort she wished, and in truth I needed it, her words echoed my heart. I was grateful for the simple gift she had given me… the locket, which was now a treasure of sorts for it held the likeness of something that was dear to me… something I could keep to remind me of what waits when duty is done…

In my walking during the day, a messenger found me. A small whisp of a boy. Toothy smile and heartfelt kindness. Though the message he bore and so many other things were so … pointed it worries me. He approached me cheerily and spoke quickly:

‘Are you the nice tall lady in a gray dress, with brown hair and a sad face, who works in the temple of Ilmater? A scary man in purple gave me a whole gold piece to give you this.’

The boy excitedly hands me a note sealed in black wax and continues barely pausing for breath.

‘He said you would give me a sweet cake for bringing it to you.’

How could I refuse his eager expectation? Smiling at him I looked to the note opening it carefully. The contents of which would give me pause and freeze my smile in place:

Beware of the spiders creeping from beneath the floorboards. They have been troublesome of late and it seems that they are agitated. Perhaps they have been having problems between others of their nest. They are desperate to prove themselves capable enough to survive.
It would be a shame for those scared of them to suffer their presence so.

Was it a threat from an enemy hidden in the shadow? Or a warning from an unknown ally of circumstance. Either way the implication of the message was dire. Further disturbing was the accuracy with which I was described… and the promise of honey cake to the boy? Who did I know that walked so close to the shadow as to be unknown, and know so much of myself, and the foe that lurks below? My mind raced with questions as we walked to the temple. I offered to let the lad stay a bit if he wished, but once he had his prize he trotted off yelling a thank you over his shoulder, and through cake stuffed quickly into his mouth. I shook my head smiling faintly as I watched him go. I went back and studied the note.

If Baenund has lost the favor of her goddess, her dear daughter will be especially furious. They would also become increasingly dangerous. It would not be long at all before her eyes turned my way… The only question remained how much blood would spill as she sought me out.

Fortunately, or unfortunately… hard to say which… Harker saw fit to provide a possible answer. I cannot stand that man. He infuriates me. His casual disregard for any life but his own, any goals but his own. His blasted arrogance. Baenund actively seeks me, that much is clear, and while I am leery of this man, and can hardly call him trustworthy… Baenund can be drawn out with good cause. Unfortunately that means dangling the mouse before the hungry lion… Still… if that witch can be destroyed… her plague scoured from the shadows and the light alike… Then finally I could glance back and see only my own shadow…

Still, it is risky. Harker wants me to leave… stay out of her grasp, but I cannot.

‘Your bloody principles are going to cost me this war!’

‘My -principles- are all that stand between you and everyone, and a god far worse than the Drow!’

He left in anger, and I strode inside cursing his arrogance and prayed in an effort to halt the demons… I had not aligned myself with devils… still… I have little choice. Any other action would only delay the inevitable… I can do little else but plan and pray. I have many arrangements in place with Emrys and the others, and this time… If I walk through the darkness… I know I have allies in the shadows of that dark, cold hell. Yes. This time… I am in much better of a position. I will not stay to be her play thing. She will not have what she seeks, and in the end, she will fall, and Mercy prevail. That is all that truly matters.

I mean to see this ended once and for all. No longer will I wait in fear of what lurks unseen. I am slave no longer, and I will live free of her. Mercy will prevail in this war, as in any other. There is no end but this! Let the shadows come, for the light of hope will burn them away. Of this I am sure.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-FIFTH ENTRY]

Sleep… Elusive beast that it is. The body requires it, and my mind loathes it. So I walk until it can be denied no further, only to fall to it for a few hours. And then the nightmares start… So many things. Most of them so redundant I have grown insensitive to them. Then again the days seem to offer no shortage of things for the mind to twist. It is not all twisted fears and reflective, self-loathing… there are gentle moments. Sweeping fields of wildflowers, dew-kissed, set to dance in brilliant sun or moonlight by a soft breeze. In those moments, there is peace. Gentle words carried on dream-swept breezes, or a child’s laughter. Fear never touches that place, and I thank all that is Mercy for it. Solace is a rare and precious thing.

In the nights that peace cannot be found… I walk. How many nights, how many times have I walked passed that cursed temple, and looked to its dark shadow? How I would fall to folly and foolish emotion if not for the words of Ilmater. His words are ever with me, his guidance is ever mine. This night I did not step around the moonlit shadows that I fear would hide the enemy’s servants, but through them. I was surprised to find Erwin and Elrith there before the entrance to the place.

The Abyssal Puppeteer had tugged the woman’s strings, even without the influence of the ring and the blood runes. Elrith was in tears and this other was wishing to ally herself with any darkness, Bane? Bhaal? Any of them, she seemed not to care, but to grasp desperately at the closest shadows. I knew the girl before her moment of weakness surrendered her will to the Balor… I could not in good conscience allow her to fall to such darkness, much less to drag Elrith with her… Bhaal has taken much, but I will not allow for more to be drawn away from light.

Little else to do, I whispered a prayer and as Erwin walked to the doors of Bhaal’s sanctum the Hand of the Divine moved through me to her, lulling her into a gentle sleep. Elrith carried her to the temple of Ilmater, where I hoped we could uncover more of this trouble that had found her soul. Elrith’s words were dangerously close to giving up much.

‘I would rather have her alive in Bhaal than dead to me… this will kill her!’

I know she was dear to Elrith, and the sharp desperation of her words belied her anguish.

‘Elrith… you surrender to the darkness, the whim of this demon and you will have nothing. Your souls separated in spite and to incite more pain. To have her now in darkness is to be without her and light for eternity.’

My words slowly found purchase and we made our way north to the city. Erwin woke slowly and the influence of the evil that grasped her spit venom and harsh words at me, sought to needle away at what Elrith knew was right. Mercy guided my words, and saved Elrith from making a fatal misstep for the both of them. If she is to be saved at all, the Balor must be found, and he must be ended. Still we have very little to go on. Perhaps the ring… perhaps that is some how the key to him, maybe the link can be back traced?

I was debating what best to do for her when there came a knock on the door. A man wearing a Fist uniform stood there asking me to come with him. That he was under orders to fetch me. I was to be sent to Athkatla to face criminal charges? As little sense as that made I assured the others that it was likely a mistake. I stepped out of the temple and was worried when he could not answer my questions.

Very few… very few still alive even knew I had been in Athkatla, and none of those -former acquaintances- were any I wished to see again. Beside… Those in the Slaver circuits had no bearing on the laws, and even by the laws in place by way of the Slavers themselves, when the Thayan bought me, he bought full rights, which meant even if something happened to my current ‘master’ my fate was no longer the concern if the Athkatlans. I began to suspect it some trick by the Drow, or some foul trick by some means.

‘I will not take another step until I get a straight answer to my questions.’

I said plainly to the -officer- and took a more defensive posture.
He came close and whispered in my ear, and the implications halted me.

‘You will get on that ship right now.’

‘Why?’

His smile was one of malice as he spoke:

‘Because if you don’t, two dear friends will die.’

Caught off guard by both his statement, and then his strength, I was dragged on board. It was surprising how quickly they debarked. I eyed them warily… I counted nine. A man, two women, the -officer-, three things that looked like lizard men, and some large hulking thing that might have been some manner of orc, it was rather hard to tell. I watched as the -officer- melted away, his form replaced by another, and then another… suddenly my eyes widened as I understood the trick. Doppelganger. It resumed its grayed form, and its black eyes looked to me, and I knew it had danced through my thoughts for a moment before I steeled my mind.

‘You have seen one of my kind before?’

‘Yes, once.’

The Thayan had one… was rather fond of using him for errands. What ever happened to him after the Drow assassinated the necromancer, I could not say. I began to worry more that this was some sort of Drow trickery, or a Slaver’s ploy for coins. I was tied to the main mast, but seeing that coming I was able to ensure that the ropes could not hold me indefinitely. I have had skill with slipping ropes… more skill than I care to, and it had saved me many times…

As the Captain spoke, a definite fact became clear. They were not related to the Drow, or to the Slavers… this was something else. To top it off she began speaking of Umberlee getting her dues… In the chaos of the storm that now fell upon the ship, and the wet ropes already situated for escape, I slipped my bindings easily. However, my prayers fell short, and I was badly outnumbered…

The last thing that was clear as darkness fell over me, and I felt myself sinking into death was the words of the captain:

‘Toss that mess in a box, we can send it to some one who can use it…’

There was no thoughts but darkness until I woke in the Candlekeep temple, feeling badly out of sorts and much like I had hammered for a great deal of time by orcs. Confused as I was it was bound to only get worse…

Adam said that I had been in Beregost looking for some ‘notes I had lost.’ I don’t lose notes, I don’t leave them behind… and I was dead… I was not in Beregost, least of all in the Lathandarite temple. The Doppelganger. Before the mystery could further unravel, Adam then told me that he had encountered me later and I attacked him… For some reason, not entirely clear everyone thought Colt had killed us both… But he couldn’t have! He wasn’t there… was he? Colt said that we attacked him. Didn’t speak, just attacked. Why would this thing that looked like me speak with Adam in Beregost, and strike Colt without words later? What was the Doppelganger seeking in Beregost? The only thing I can figure is when they arrived back to port, I was dumped somewhere as the Doppelganger did whatever it was he was meant to do.

There are a great deal of questions left unanswered. Who and What, Why, just a few… I think, when time permits I should speak with Adam and find out what ‘I’ was looking for in Beregost… exactly what I had done, Adam and Beregost are the likely best places to start. In the mean time, I am whole and none the worse for wear. I will be much more cautious in the future.

I passed the evening in fragmented conversation, avoiding sleep that I knew, after days and such events was a requirement. Even knowing this I could not convince myself I was tired enough to risk sleep. Finally I emptied a vial of Valerian Root into my tea and drained it quickly. A desperate measure perhaps, but my thoughts were clouded, and my clumsy words were likely far too careless for comfort. I needed rest… and rest I did. A long silent sleep that lasted from midday, well into the earliest hours of dawn… Now I prepare to return to the temple… I pray whatever is now afoot, I am prepared.

Mercy will prevail, there is no end but this. At least amid everything… that one fact can remain certain. My faith is my strength, hope is my light, Ilmater guides me. The rest will all fall into place in time, for time reveals all mysteries.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-SIXTH ENTRY]

I can no longer tell which is more unnerving. The quiet of the temple without the in and out of the children, or the reason behind it. Those spans of moments where things are peaceful, or the worry of what that peace implies. The seeming solitude, or the knowledge that even when I appear alone, the enemies eyes are there. Or perhaps the lot of them… The sleep I eventually require, what is worse? The nightmares that I walk in my waking hours, full of present dangers and death, or the nightmares that take hold and twist peaceful sleep to a bane, full of past shadows and pains?

I will endure because I must. I will stand because I cannot fall. Above all and through it all, I pray. I act where I can, prepare where I must, and trust that if I cannot alone, I am not alone. And for now, my friends and allies outnumber my enemies. Though they would like me to think otherwise I am sure. No matter, one moment of weakness and we will not be so foolish to allow it to happen again. I will not be so foolish… Ilmater forgive my folly. My temper got the best of me, and the cost was nearly more than could be paid.

The temple was quiet, the cooking and cleaning done. Billy was sleeping, the other children sent to safer places until these dangers pass. Addy and Juna chatted near the kitchen, Rachel was tending prayer as there were no ill in our care that evening. The number I usually find myself in the company of, sought to use the peace for rest, or other duties that had been neglected on my behalf. At first I distrusted the peace… With good reason of course, but eventually I eased. My duties were completed, and I sat with a cup of tea, actually considering taking time to work on a drawing…

It was then that the truth of the silence revealed what it had hidden. He enjoys his games, Murder’s Shadow. Words meant to unnerve, to sway. The knowledge that the killing won’t stop until we find a way to end this, or they gain what they seek. We cannot surrender him… as much as the deaths of innocents weigh on me… children… and yet I must endure. I must not waver… Ilmater be with me… Mercy to those who have need of it… How do I stop what I cannot see?

His words continued. Now… well after the fact, I can see what he was trying to do. His words wore at my resolve, patiently, until my anger fueled thoughts, actions and words… Then, when I slipped, hurling incantations at his voice, he struck. There was hardly time to blink, barely time to register that he had stepped from the shadows. I could hear Juna and Addy scream, and then nothing.

I looked up into the worried face of Brother Marcus, Rachel tending my wounds. I blinked. I could hear Addy crying, and Juna trying to comfort her. Ilmater forgive me… Forgive my temper, forgive me for falling so easy, grant me your strength, keep me from future missteps. Prayers moved through my mind as I stood. I sought to reassure the others as I moved to the bench a moment. As my head cleared, I looked to the mess on the floor. The shattered teapot I had in my hand, the tea mingling with blood… my blood. I slammed my fist on the table. Foolish, foolish Meri! With a sigh, once my feet were steady beneath me I changed robes, and cleaned the mess on the floor. Juna made more tea, and I sat.

I poured my first cup of tea wondering if the shadows still hid him. The faintest scent of his pipe weed was on the air. Sarcastically I poured a second cup of tea and quipped wryly.

‘So you did stay for tea. Nasty habit that… smoking you know.’

‘Do you really want to see Myrkul twice in one day?’

‘Not particularly, but nor will I give him up.’

So our banter continued until Andy came in. He couldn’t see him… and he couldn’t hear him. He wanted to speak with me about something. Half of me wanted to send him away… half of me wanted to scream of the Hin’s presence… and I did neither. I didn’t ease until the door opened and closed again… until the scent of his clothes faded away and I was sure he was truly gone.

Andy says the Banites are after him, that they wish to hold him in ransom for a trade of something else. He wasn’t entirely sure what that was, but feared it might be Billy. It seemed a bit doubtful to me, though it could not be completely cast aside. Bane and Bhaal were allies after all. We spoke a bit longer until his duties called him elsewhere.

I started to worry of being by myself again, then I heard the sound of bells… warning bells? What trouble was afoot now? Well I didn’t really have time to find out, for here came the friends of Elrith, bearing Elrith herself. I raised her quickly. It wasn’t until she spoke that I knew the truth of what Erwin had said earlier about doing something to her. Her memories were gone, and her mind badly compromised. We took her back to the temple, and I did what I could to mend it. Through a great deal of effort, her memories were restored, yet again. I wondered how much more her mind could take. It was evident that it had already exacted a great toll on her… The mind was in a sad state to be sure. The best she can hope for is clarity provided by trinkets designed to enhance the mind.

The rest of the day was comprised of me avoiding sleep, repairing the slashes to my robes, and others seeking ways to both protect me, and catch the Bhaalist. Fortunately work and conversation made sleep easy to avoid. Whether its truly fortunate or not, the damage to my robes was not that bad. At least the cuts were clean, and I fell so quickly, there weren’t that many of them… Gods the others are right! I am such a diehard optimist that my death… I seek the positive to my own demise. That is nearly laughable. Ah but if I cannot find the light in all the darkness, then I will surely fail. Thomas wishes to seek aid of the Weavemasters, to whom he has been accepted. The others wish to guard the temple. I am not fond of it, but they have a point. They can’t protect everyone, everywhere, and they know that at least the Hin comes to taunt and torment regularly enough. The Ilmatari will not surrender Billy. Mercy holds him, Mercy will keep him. So we planned and prepared as best as we could.

Eventually the strain of the day got the better of me, no matter how hard I fought it. I tended my evening prayers, double-checked my list of duties, and looked in on Billy. The poor precious dear.

‘…it can only be removed through Death or Divine Intervention…’

What must I do? How may I secure the favor to save him? Ilmater please… I know it is not my place to ask, but grant me this. Please? Let this all be for more than naught. Give me your strength, guide me with your wisdom… Keep your hand at my back. The others put so much faith and trust in me… Even you Broken One… you call me Chosen… Most Favored… Let me earn what I feel I do not deserve. So many times I have nearly failed you, nearly failed them all, Billy… Dianne… I failed her in life, though you keep her now in death… Be with me, let me not misstep… For if I do, the consequences will be grave.

Mercy will prevail, there is no end but this… I only wish that end could come with as little blood as can be spilled… They lay death at my feet. I will see those souls reclaimed. All of them. The Lord of Murder will not keep them. We will see this ended. We will stand. We will not waver. Mercy to those who deserve it, and a quick, merciful death to those who would withhold it. I, your humble servant Ilmater, will serve you as best as I am able, in whatever you ask me to do. Mercy will prevail, for in the end… There is only mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

///An addendum darlings... I know you all have been waiting... Journal entry to follow very soon! See you all IG soon too!

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-SEVENTH ENTRY]

Mercy prevails. Mercy smiles down from time to time. It was the Hand of Mercy that compelled me to walk from the Blade and Stars. I begged guidance. Surely the ills of that insufferable man could not be allowed to stand. Diplomacy had failed this time… but something whispered through my heavy heart, telling me to not yet give up hope. So I walked, with each step a prayer… until I stepped into the sanctuary.

I was surprised to see Sister Abby standing in front of the door, flour all over the floor. Worry gripped me then. The only reason to seek something unseen was. There was hardly time to question what was afoot.

‘Someone has been sneaking about and no one can see him.’

I did not panic… not even when I saw the small foot prints in the flour. I nodded reassuringly to the Sisters. Juna eyed the flour, and Adolina watched the door warily.

‘Guard yourself well, and keep the doors to the sleeping quarters closed.’

I steeled myself and waited for that cruel whisper from the shadows. That dark shadow of the Lord of Murder, with his foul promises. Instead my waiting ears were met with little more than tense silence. I wanted to cry, or scream for him. All the cruelty of Tessian’s Father, and now cruelty of a different sort. How many children had fallen to his hand? How much blood had he spilled in the name of Bhaal? Please… I thought. Please do not ask me to bear the death of another child. There was little time for thought. My heart stopped when the door opened behind me. In came a pair of familiar forms, and they carried another familiar form.

Unceremoniously the body of the dead Halfling was dropped at my feet. I was confused. I stared at him. I heard Sister Abby asking him to be taken to the infirmary and for a moment I panicked. I was afraid she did not know who this was that lay at my feet. This Shadow of the Vile One… this monster who had taken Dianne from me… taken half a dozen others from their families. I eased when she assured me she had no intention of raising him.

I felt as though my body was weighted heavily as I followed. Dead. He was Dead. He was actually -dead-. I blinked as I stood by the door. In truth I was half afraid this was some cruel dream that I had yet to wake from. I waited… for the Bhaalists to step from the shadows, I watched for the assassin’s blades to fall. For the illusion to be dispelled, and the Hin to stand there with that mocking grin of his, alive and well. But he was dead.

I remember asking that they not desecrate the corpse. The words sounded hollow in my ears. He would not show you the same courtesy Meri…
The thought surprised me, and yet, I knew it for truth. Which made the handling of this all the more important. Let it not be said that I waver in my oaths. Let it not be said that I let my anger and my hate consume me. Not only because I gave my word, but because Mercy is what sets me apart from my enemies. Some things are not worthy of forgiveness or even second chances in the eyes of Ilmater… Besides.. He got his second chance when I stayed Ian’s hand… he squandered it. And in payment for the mercy I granted, he gifted me with the death of another child. I would not allow for it a second time.

I remember praying for the strength, and presence of Mercy enough to do what must be done. Now the test I so dreaded for so long… To show Mercy to one such as this. I stood still and quiet a moment. Part of me wanted to shirk this duty… part of me wanted to turn my back as the hand that fell the fiend further exacted penance from the, now dead hand. Instead I turned to summon the Fist.

‘He should be cleansed and prepared so that he does not rise as undead…’

Did I speak? Was I intending to offer this monster proper enough rites that whatever eternity waited for him was his alone, uninterrupted? There are two great mercies to bestow in life. The Mercy to forgive one’s self… And the Mercy shown to one’s enemy… My test of faith, trial by fire to my oaths made at the feet of Ilmater himself.

‘Do not let it consume you Merielle…’

I knelt and studied his face. His eyes already clouding with death, remained open. I willed my hand steady as I closed his eyes. His body was cleansed and prepared for proper burial. I whispered a litany of prayers, and the temple was bathed in light. I wrapped the body in white muslin and looked at the guard who would carry it off. What sort of retribution would follow in the wake of his death? Would there be a faithful to take his place? All I could do was pray. For now… a victory of sorts. Perhaps tonight those who love children so, may rest a bit easier. My sincerest gratitude to the blades that fell this cruel shadow…

There is one worry that was not apparent in his life. I don’t know how he got it, and I pray he had no chance to speak with the Drow about it… but a Baenund Insignia fell from his pocket as I wrapped him. Just how closely was he watching? How much of my own shadow hid him… What did he know? Only time can reveal whether or not the information died with him. I pray it did, for it would bode most ill if the two forces that hated me the most, caught wind of each other. I can deal with one problem at a time… I am not sure if I can deal with both problems simultaneously. Especially not with both sides seeking my demise…

‘See that it is properly buried on consecrated ground. See that the ground is blessed after burial for good measure. I never want to see his face again.’

With that I walked away. There were several visitors to the temple, but in truth I could not concentrate. He was dead? A mercy I had not expected, and was grateful for. A balm for a breaking heart? A breaking heart… Oh Mercy when did that happen… What was I to do? That cur of a man! Tessian? How could that fiend be your father? When did you find your way to my heart… and why did I not see it until I was told you were to be stolen away. No wonder Tessian didn’t like going home. His father is no man… He is a snake-tongued, impetuous sort that cares for little more than the gold lining his pockets!

To waltz in here throwing his insults and threats about. At first I though him merely some pompous messenger, but as the conversation progressed, it was apparent this man was his father. How in all of the Multiverse that was possible, I still don’t understand. Blessed by his mother… his Father’s in name only it seems. Cursed him likely so he would forget things here… when that back-fired he moved to even more rotten tactics. He has admitted to basically imprisoning his own son. To keep him in Amn so that he can ‘Carry on the Family business.’
All he cares for is how much power and prestige he can gain off of Tessian’s good graces!

That insufferable man! He is no better than the perverted, twisted, out and outright -evil-, slop of a man that I served for six months! No better! Said Tessian told him all sorts of things. No matter not like the truth could pass through his lips even if it wanted to. The miserable miser of a man! He can’t be happy so he will destroy the happiness of others, so long as he can profit from it! Threatens with gossip and all sorts of sordid bits… accusations of impropriety. Thank goodness the opinions of those that matter are above such gossips… already rumors fly.

I find out later that he had purchased one of my recipes for the original copy… likely for my handwriting. Because after the course of our conversation… I doubt if I had written a letter to Tessian, it would not have gotten to him without being altered to some manipulative bit of lies. I know he altered it magically somehow to look like it was my handwriting. Tessian is smarter than that. Surely he will not fall for his father’s tricks. Surely he knows I would never wish him ill or abuse his kindness…

Then he had the nerve to deliver a letter to me! [The letter, badly crumpled has been shoved in the folds of the page] The very NERVE! My distress was most evident. Ian seems to think we should make a trip to Amn, track them down and get him back. At the very least I owe that loathsome coot a slap across the face! Still… is it truly wise?

Sister Abby has returned… and I am surrounded by capable allies. The greatest threat to the safety of the children is now in a corpse wagon on its way to be buried. But with the trouble of the Drow looming, and I haven’t heard from Harker in far too long for comfort… That man… if he packages me with a bloody bow for the matron… He best not! The activity of the Banites has risen to a disturbing level. I can’t just run off to Amn to chase my heart strings, no matter how much I might deserve it… The others make some very convincing arguments… And…

I do love him. As much as it pains me to admit… I would walk the Hells… scale the voids of the Abyss… whatever path I must walk… I would… if it means returning to Amn and risking Slavers and unpleasant nobles… then maybe that isn’t such a bad thing is it? Can I say I deserve this one thing?

Never have I pursued anything that I did not seek for the benefit of another, or in the name of Ilmater. I have wanted for little, that has not been stolen away. Xun… so loved was he, so dear to my heart I swore away love… And Dianne… dare I hope I can have anything for myself? Dare I think I have the right to ask…

Dare I not?

Can I truly sit idle, and let it slip away without trying? Without fighting for it? I would shame his friendship… his kindness if I did not try. With the Hin dead… and arrangements already made for Billy’s care, if I should fall to the Drow’s webs for a time… not only that but a trip to Amn might confuse the Bhaalists and the Drow alike… Perhaps… Perhaps I should go. I haven’t been in Athkatla in years, not keen on returning… but I can’t just sit here and let Tessian’s father get away with it. Not only for the sake of my troubled heart, but I cannot allow a good friend to be so oppressed. Besides… Ian is already making arrangements, and has already threatened to knock me out and drag me on a ship…

Mercy of Ilmater be with me… This is madness! I plead that my steps go guided, for I do not think I could bear more heart break… even with the strength of my faith and the hope in my heart. You call me Chosen… Favored… so many titles that I have yet to truly earn. My most heartfelt prayers, my breaths and beats of my heart are yours… But Ilmater… forgive me. I am still human… only thus… Your most humble servant. Is it wrong for me to ask for but one joy? One lasting thing that is mine alone? If it is… I can only beg your forgiveness and mercy…

Mercy prevails… in all things… in all ways… Hope never fades, and we must endure unwaveringly… In the end there is only Mercy. Mercy to those who seek it… Mercy to those who have need of it… Mercy to those unaware that it is theirs to behold. A merciful death, swift and true to those who would withhold it. Such is my task. Such is the way of things. Pray I stand true… that in the end of all things, I may look back with no regret… And I cannot say I did not try my best to do my best and then some…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-EIGHTH ENTRY]

The morning started quietly enough, and while it never remains peaceful for long, I enjoyed it while I could. I took some time to speak with Selah. Always I have felt her dear to me… it was nice to chat, even if the topics were very serious and not very pleasant. Each endeared to the other for reasons known mostly to themselves, and yet it a friendship that has blossomed. I value her wisdom, and admire her ability to stand sturdy against the worst of things. She is a good woman, and for once… didn’t call me Miss Williams. It was nice to see the formality dropped between two friends, as I like to think we are. Kindred in a way of a sisterhood of sorts… by circumstance, or by vague understanding in each that the other is troubled, and too proud to seek support… Yet we can each draw quiet comfort in that we need not ask the other for anything. I would have loved to chat longer… but as always… Pressing matters have a tendency to steal away the quiet moments…

Letters delivered to me at the temple. I had hoped a letter from Brother Dracius and Lady Iliara. I have not heard from them since the worries with the Drow surfaced… and it troubles me… These letters were not in any regard, comforting correspondence from home. Some of them down right troubling. Of course there was also another page of lies from Tessian’s good for nothing Father. I will have to travel to Amn now. I can’t stand by while support to the church trickles away now. Not when we need our allies solid, and in great number. Mercy willing enough this will subside quickly.

I had barely finished burning the worst of them when Emrys came running in out of breath. There was trouble with Harker…and something about Firavain going missing or being kidnapped. We made a hurried flight from the temple, straight to the keep. Despite Joan trying to be diplomatic, and walk a merciful path… And given my own tumultuous emotions, Harker was not met by me with any grace or kindness… and as the conversation continued… he got even less of it.

In fact… as his words and body language failed to match to each other, it turned into a shouting match, the likes of which I didn’t think I was capable of. The nerve of some men! To think it is their right to play god to the lives of others! Between the stress of so much, Tessian’s father, Harker’s arrogance only fueled my unspent fury… Then I noticed something… I held his ace. I also could see his game. My words were quick, less than polite, in fact rather unladylike, but he got the point. He knows where Firavain is, and I do not doubt he can be recovered. I also am quite sure that Harker knows more than he lets on… Now that the game was turned, for the moment, in my favor… Let us see if we cannot find some resolution to it that doesn’t amount in the Drow running rampant, and everything we have worked for crumbled to dust. I have made arrangements with Joan and Emrys, and the others. Billy and the temple will be safe. At best the ranks of the Bhaalists will be confused enough already, and my momentary absence will confuse them further. This is a big gamble… a huge risk… but it is all we have at present. Harker has agreed to speak with me first thing in the morning… we shall see where it leads from there. I doubt he liked being called at his own game… But he left me little choice.

I spoke with Ian and Adam at length about a great deal. Squared some things away with Joan. Yes… things are set in motion. Carefully… we must step carefully. No doubt Emrys has a slew of questions since he listened in on the bulk of the yelling match. Ilmater forgive my temper… today at least… it has served the end we seek…

Mercy. In the End there is Only -Mercy-. Ilmater be with me… the journey is long and treacherous. I will not waver, but nor can I continue to fight more than one war, more than one battle on so many fronts. This business with the Drow must be brought to a close, Baenund must be stopped… Her and any who would take her mantle… it Has to end. No longer can I walk wondering what shadows seek to drag me down to the depths of earthly hells. This business with Tessian also has to be set right. I cannot sit idly by and condemn him to suffer, anymore than I can bear to sit by and let my own heart break again… I can’t stand here and let someone snatch my one chance for joy away from me again. Plans are made, things set in motion. Be with me Ilmater, and guide my steps, as ever you have. Slowly… patiently… things must be drawn to a close. So long as I stand strong in my faith, keep hope alight in my heart, and stand true to my beliefs and oaths… Mercy will prevail. In the end there is only this… There is no other truth, no other end… Mercy prevails…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETY-NINTH ENTRY]

I have often said that none weave webs better than the Drow… but after today, I find I am wrong. The Drow are out-weaved by the Fates. How strange it is to watch our lives intersect one another, on paths guided by the Gods that began from a single step, long ago, in the opposite direction. Yet, here I am, running the day’s conversations and events through my mind, and curious how the steps I took today will affect the paths I will yet walk. I find it difficult to plan too far ahead. I know the end goal. Its like having a book, where you know the beginning of the story, and the end… but all the pages between are blank. Actions and words, need and want, make and break alliances. There are days I wonder if the end is reachable. It is there though… at the end of this book that is life… So it must be reached. Mercy prevails, there is no end but this.

Sometimes, we are required to act, sometimes to wait… sometimes, as mortals we can choose unwisely… We must however, learn from such mistakes, and seek to correct it simply because we must all reach our ends. I walk knowing this, but I seek the paths that harm the fewest, and compromise integrity the least… even then, with the guidance of my faith and my heart, I can still step wrongly, and it remains wrong, even if for the right reasons.

I look back on the past in reflective repose, and find, not surprisingly, that Every single thing that has happened for as long as I can remember… Has led to this point. To this place. Have my steps always been guided by Ilmater? Guided and watched over, so that I may stand exactly where I am for the purpose I now face? If that is true than I am grateful. It pleases me to know that I have never suffered alone, never walked alone, even in all those years when I felt so…

Harker. Foul as he is, I wronged him. Right as my justifications, he has cause to hate me, and I bear him no ill for it.

‘I shall have a better chance at gaining his forgiveness than of ever forgiving myself.’

Our conversation, tense at best. Words flew on each side like daggers. It was a time when lies served little. Things are dangerous enough as it is without stepping on a path paved with mistruth. So with that in mind, I acted. Lives depend on working quickly, and no time could be spared trying to sort fact from fiction. Too many lives could be lost if we wandered aimlessly to correct what I thought at the time was a mistake made by an overzealous man.

So with a prayer and no further thought on it… I took from him the truth that I needed. I halted his ability to lie with sheer will. I hate myself for it. Nothing could wound me greater than the look on his face, than the cold knot in my own heart and soul. I know the reasons are justified, and lives will be spared for it… I can do little more than pray mercy finds us both, that he and I may forgive what I have done. He walked away with so much hate and contempt aimed at me… it is a wonder I still stood. I was genuinely sorry to have done it, but I needed the truth. I offered my apology, to which he responded he never wanted to see me again. I can respect his anger. That span of time, not even more than a few moments, where my will to hear the truth was stronger than his will to tell a lie… Shall haunt me… I know. I will pay penance for what I have done. I can rest knowing it shall be exacted by what is to come. I shall know far worse sufferings than I have inflicted… perhaps that can grant him some peace for my actions.

Still, he did at least send the contact as promised… much to my surprise he is Firavain’s older brother… well… In body at least his younger brother is not dead. He has believed him dead for four decades now, because of some similar nonsense Raef tried to pull. Harker is dangerous… very dangerous. I see that now. This has gotten massively more complicated.

The Drow Nymas -is- dead… in a manner of speaking… but the technicality Harker may have caught, and that may be why things are as they are at present, not merely a trap gone awry, or a desperate act by a man trying to spring a trap without his precious bait. I was confused before this why he did not simply continue with the original plan at my expense, as he was so fond of reminding me that my permission to do so was not required… Now I see it for what it is. Now, once again blind hate has caused much damage, and jeopardized much. Still Harker is a manipulative bastard, and I can take a small comfort in knowing… he can’t continue to use people as he has indefinitely… it will catch up to him. He tricked Elrith into killing all those people, he has lied and manipulated nearly everything he has touched, and may still be to a point. Especially since he has sent -Firavain’s- older brother, knowing who it is we seek. He is a cruel man. He has let the hate and cruelty of his servitude to the Drow infect and corrupt his heart. May Mercy find him… show him a kinder path… for his life will be a short miserable one if he continues to walk as he does.

Further conversations with new allies has only led me to further believe just how fragile control of this game really is. Another Baenund attacked today as we attempted to leave Candlekeep by moonlight. Everything has become so intertwined and twisted about. I feel I am watching the web get spun around me… and fear the tightening threads. I also have reason to believe at this point, Baenund and Do’ana are tentative allies. If the secret of the Soulkeep is to die with the Drow… how many must be halted? Will there ever be a time when I do not need to fear the reach of shadows and spiders alike?

Eyes have been sent through the darkened corners to see what can be learned. I pray they may return unscathed. We have precious little time, risky half finished plans at best, and the line between friend and foe is ever shifting and blurring with frightening speed. One thing is perfectly clear… Trust should not be granted lightly, not all is as it seems… Trust should not be granted in its entirety, and it seems all sides, while they may align by common goal, serves little more than themselves. A dangerous gamble, with much at stake. I dread what is to come. Even knowing that I escaped once before, and then I had not my allies or my faith, nor knowledge of what I faced. I am prepared, as prepared as one can be in this… Mercy with me… I am afraid. Half of a misstep can doom many. Especially if I fall so far to shadow… More is at stake than I care to surrender… I must be careful, must be sure of my every step. Ilmater be with us all… Without hope’s light, or strength of faith… this is doomed to folly. Mercy must prevail, there can be no end but this.
~~

I sat long hours contemplating much. The Bhaalists, Billy… Selah’s words haunt me:

‘Have you considered giving him to Ilmater?’

My oath was to keep him safe and protected. I will consider no such thing until Ilmater himself demands it of me. The very thought of it turns my blood to ice. Do not ask of me what I cannot do… Anything… ANY one thing, I would do if you so asked… I fear I would have not the strength for that… and will do what ever I can to ensure it never comes to such a choice.

The enemy has been silent since the death of the Hin. Strange… and worrisome. I sent a letter to the temple to Sister Abby. I still have not had time to fill her in on the war she has walked unwittingly into. One less prominent worry, one less enemy in the shadows… and yet everyone seems content to think that trouble has passed… Not I. I know better. The battle is won, but the war will rage until one side falls, until the taint on Billy is removed, or the gods themselves decide to surrender. This peace is little more than an ominous silence before the storm breaks. When they finish licking their wounds… they will come to exact vengeance and fury to them who wish to see the slight repaid.

Arrangements have been made to keep Billy and the temple safe during my temporary absence is as brief as possible. Amn… To Athkatla no less. Never did I think my path would take me there again. As Ian and Adam and I scheme and plan, I am less uncomfortable with the idea. There are still many worries, but I am confident, come what may that we can see this through. The rumors and lies no longer bother me as they did. That man will answer for what he has done, even if it is not to me… But he will answer for it. He will not keep Tessian against his will. How can that man even call himself a father? I will never understand what twists the hearts and minds of some so. To fear love is one thing, to seek to destroy it is another.

A bird found its way into the inn as Ian and I talked to pass the night. It was a parrot, the kind found in the south. It speaks, but what it has to say worries me. How did it get in? Who’s is she? One thing is clear… it is related to this mess somehow.

‘I don’t trust him.’
‘How could you Ronwin? Help!’
‘Good night Matylda.’
‘Polly is a stupid bird.’

It could also say Tessian’s name easily enough as though it has heard it before. To say Ronwin’s name started the bird calling for help again, the name Matylda incites good nights… What was this bird witness to? How in the name of Mercy did it end up here. Who is Matylda? His father spoke of him being betrothed once before… Could it be she? Or perhaps Tessian’s mother? I assume his mother has passed, he never spoke her name, but always he spoke of her past-tense and with quiet reverence.

‘If Mother could be here now…’

We could take her with us, and we likely should, when we do go… but we need to find a way to keep her subdued and quiet… Throwing around those names carelessly could bode ill for us. There will be enough to worry over. The ship Ian spoke of has been docked for some time here in Baldur’s Gate. A fact that both eases my mind and troubles me. On one hand… it is safer… for me… that they have been at port a while… But on the other it means they have been here long enough to hear rumors… and gossip is as much a weapon of the darker forces as lies and destruction.

How is it that a simple healer who barely understands the ways of the world can come to be in such a place? Fighting wars, standing between gods, wrapped in intrigues, praying to stand unwavering in the face of far more dangers than I would have thought existed. Fighting against cruelties I had not thought possible, struggling to save a heartache of a kind I swore I would never seek again. I hold a mantle of leadership, and respect I feel I will never earn, and for every danger that passes, another lay in wait. Some day there will be peace, time to look back with pride that we survived as we did… that we endured. That is not this day. Mercy will prevail, there is no end but this. The end is yet far away, and there is much work to do. Mercy will prevail. I will see to it. I am strong in my faith, hope burns brightly within me. Let the Hells come! Let it all come to pass, and I will endure… In the End, there is Only Mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE HUNDREDTH ENTRY]

Things never go as planned, and I am starting to wish I never met Harker. I can’t tell what game he is playing but I am just about tired of his manipulations, lies, his complete disregard for anything that might be greater than himself simply because he believes little greater. Is it some warped intention of his cause that has him acting so, or his hatred of me? Seems lately all he has done is try to chisel away at what little allies I have in this. What is he after anyway? If it weren’t for the fact that I knew there was some sort of warped method to his madness, I would say even he doesn’t know what he is after.

I don’t know what happened to Daesar… He left the Burning Wizard and that was the last I saw. I knew we should have gone with him instead of preparing prayers… The whole day was a chain of unfortunate mishaps and hind-sighted regrets. I, Joan, Ian and Emrys were to go with Daesar to try and find Firavain and Fuller. That was the plan… but after hearing that Harker had taken one of the few that I could trust to pull me from shadow if needed, I thought it best to seek one other. Another ally who hated Harker… In seeking him, Aloria’s pet sought me. What I came to was the one I seek, surrounded by Elves, tied and bound… and a Baenund summoner on my shadow. She began throwing Balors at us and the group was getting quickly exhausted. Aloria wanted a truth from him… and knew I could produce it. Amidst the attacks, with time against us, I wanted to grab him and run… but prudence prevailed. So I obliged Aloria… though I wonder now if my efforts were for naught. It was difficult to concentrate amid the chaos, and I raised and aided so many, I was quickly exhausted, especially having run all over the blasted coast to find him. The troubling fact… it was daylight. Summoning Balors… on the surface… in Broad Daylight. Baenund was getting desperate…

Knowing everyone was in danger so long as the attacker could not be seen, and knowing she would not stop until I was captured and all others dead I grabbed what I sought and we made a hurried flight south. For once the prey hoped the hunter would follow, as I knew it was the only chance the others would survive. The Balors that kept calling for the death of my ally… Things had barely started and were already rather bad… Mercy of mercies alone I survived the day to write.

The list of allies shrinking steadily… Daesar’s friends I had met the night before… one tried to kill him, the other died for him… and apparently the traitor went with Harker. What that man told or promised him, I don’t know… but I bet its likely a lie. Harker will use the poor man and leave him to rot. Baenund’s presence on the surface speaks two things. The alliance with Do’ana is tentative at best, and they are desperate to regain some footing. I pray they haven’t the chance.

We arrived at the ruins to find fresh blood… the door to the lands beneath slightly ajar. What was below? Harker? Drow? Both? Worse? Nothing at all perhaps? The trail of blood said otherwise. Yosin… or what looked like Yosin… I cannot be sure if it was he or a trick… The others were jumpy, and death came quicker than I would like. The others also fail to understand the importance of silence… It is not their fault. They do not fully understand the enemies they face. There… beneath the earth, one must be exceptionally careful. And things of course, went from bad to worse. We lost the element of stealth and surprise.

I didn’t even know who was on what side. Yosin seemed… false… or controlled… but there was little to question of the dead. Fear fed my irritation as I could not quell the worries we were walking into a well laid trap. I was also starting to wonder if Harker did not seek the Soulkeep for himself. As easily as he sacrifices others, and as Hells bent as he is on his quest… that kind of power may be more than he can resist… No one must find it. No one must have it. It must stay locked away. If ever there is a chance I pray my death keeps the doors to it closed… failing that, I beg the strength to see it destroyed. Cursed dangerous thing! I despise that trinket… it is evil! All who seek it should be stopped… those who know of it would do well to forget… because if they don’t… I will never find peace.

My irritation grew as the blasted elves from the forest decided to follow. And of course everyone wanted to yell at the top of their lungs at each other, accusations went flying and distrust and threats. At this rate, if anyone was here, the blades would be in ours spines before we knew of it, and any allies we sought to reclaim… well… Stress and lack of sleep, I was surprised to hear myself snapping at the others. There were too many… and I still didn’t know the enemy that waited here, and it was starting to look like we would not find Daesar alive.

There was a portal, and before I could scream caution… Emrys was pulled through. It took all my control to not drag every bloody fool out of the tunnels. No one would listen… and no one knew completely what was afoot… I didn’t have time to explain. All I knew is there were precious few allies, and they were falling fast. I was already becoming disoriented in the tunnels as flashes from the past mingled with the passages before me. I prayed and tried to focus. Enemies aplenty, and still no full grasp of the situation… too many to look after, and my own control slipping. I was afraid. Afraid of getting dragged to that dark hellish place with no way out. I tried to get the others to leave for naught.

Eventually Emrys came back through the portal with another… I was surprised to see who it was. Of course then I had to worry of blind hatred stealing yet another ally from me, and my already taught nerves stretched tight. He was surprised to see us too. There was little time for chat as the portal sputtered to life again. I was dragged back from the portal as I screamed for the others to get away.

A large demon came through and seemed to know Emrys. A sense of dread came over me as something within me twisted… Known to it… The thing clawed and scratched at my consciousness, cursing my will as I would not let it surface. Elrith… the poor dear… insisted on staying… and incited a battle. The end of that battle nearly buried us all alive. Some how… I think everyone got out. Everyone that went down willingly at least. It seems Firavain and Fuller were with the one Emrys had brought back… and Harker was there too. If Fuller and Firavain were with the Drow, they were not any longer… or had they ever been with them to begin with? He could posses the will to fight it… After all he was fighting my presence hard, and I was not pushing as hard as I could have. My own remorse could have allowed him a small lie… Still, no one had seen Daesar. The men in the tunnels were Harker’s, I think, either by loose alliance or forced situation… I could not tell…

As we stepped into the sunlight, I noticed the discomfort of one among us. I didn’t ask, just tossed my spare cloak over him. The look he gave me was scathing to say the least… but nor did he give up the shelter of the cloak. He found a sheltered corner as the sun set and the others dispersed content to go on their way, most of them.

‘I have a present for you.’

I knew I could trust him by extension of the trust of another, he had proven himself. The twisted malice in that grin, while expected, was still slightly unnerving. He produced a scrap of fabric, though clearly an all to familiar shade of red, it was also all to clearly bloodied. Spidersilk… Baenund Red. I raised a brow at him and he smiled that unnerving little grin.

‘The Firstboy and his Cohort. I trust you understand the significance of this.’

‘I do.’

He offered it to me. His grizzled trophy, which I let him keep. I was content that he was no more. That cruel figure, who was only outmatched in his want for my screams by his older sister. That left only the two middle sons, who were responsible for engineering my freedom after Xun’s death, and the second daughter who I knew very little of. The loss of the eldest son, on top of loss of favor with Lolth… Yes… Baenund would be seen as weak. She would topple. The flash in the eyes of the man who stood before me now, promised as much. We talked much as the moon passed overhead. My biggest threat from beneath the floorboards was now Do’ana. He bid me caution.

I told him of Harker’s work, which he didn’t seem to pleased about. I pray now, that Firavain and Fuller can be found before the Drow find me… Or before word of the Soulkeep spreads too far and my list of enemies grows beyond that which I can stand against. I had only told the vaguest details to those dearest to me… save for Tessian who knew more than any, though not all in its entirety. I pray Ian’s informant swift. I pray he is well, and can stand against the poison his viperous father is no doubt feeding him.

Providing the sunrise is kind… I will return to the city in the morning. There is much work to do, and precious little time to do it in. I will make sure things are safe at the temple before perusing any more leads on the whereabouts of the others, and pray those that seek do not become the sought. I also need to speak with Emrys… He disappeared rather quickly. I need to know what happened beneath our feet… Hope and Faith I have in abundance… I pray that compensates for the dwindling list of allies. Ilmater be with me…

How does a healer get into so much trouble? If the Multiverse seeks to teach me that I had too little faith in myself… well… I think it is safe to say I have learned. I am capable of a great deal more than I thought. Even thusly, I am glad I do not walk this path alone. I am grateful Mercy guides my steps… Even through the darkness.
~~

///wow! 100 entries, and 220 pages on the hard drive. You guys Rock!///

[Laurk]

I appologise for posting here, and feel free to delete, but which DM should I inquire to into this plot line? Abby is living at the Santuary with "Billy," (exotic), so there is no reason she wouldn't be activley trying to figure out whats wrong with him and how to cure it. As Abby has a +53 healing skill, a 24 wisdom, the healing domain, and the ability to cast 9th level divine healing spells empowered and augumented, I would think there shouldn't be a curse/illness/disease in the world she can't cure, or at least discover "how" to cure. Anyway, let me know with whom I should be speaking so I can get involved until such time as we finally get the time to get together IG.

Thanks,
Laurk

[LeslieMS]

///Unstable is Ilmater/Bhaal Master of Epicness =)
Meri would welcome the help =D
And no worries or apologies needed =)

I appologise for posting here, and feel free to delete, but which DM should I inquire to into this plot line? Abby is living at the Santuary with "Billy," (exotic), so there is no reason she wouldn't be activley trying to figure out whats wrong with him and how to cure it. As Abby has a +53 healing skill, a 24 wisdom, the healing domain, and the ability to cast 9th level divine healing spells empowered and augumented, I would think there shouldn't be a curse/illness/disease in the world she can't cure, or at least discover "how" to cure. Anyway, let me know with whom I should be speaking so I can get involved until such time as we finally get the time to get together IG.

Thanks,
Laurk

[LeslieMS]

[ONE-HUNDRED AND FIRST ENTRY]

Clever, clever, the tricks of shadows on light, demon and spider, friend and foe. If you wish to survive you must learn to be as clever, to anticipate the trick before the card is played, and always hold the ace. Today was a reminder to the tactics that I had once been so familiar with. The plots and schemes, and carefully woven webs. Both a means of protection and a well laid trap. Today, I was nearly snared. Nearly. If my steps are not guided by Ilmater… dare I say even the steps of those I walk along side, so guided? Then this day, much would have been lost.

So we sat in the temple, Emrys, Ian and I running thoughts through our minds and between ourselves. It occurred to me that two very important details had escaped me until our conversation. Harker did have Firavain and Fuller. They were alive. Ian had seen Harker with a Drow woman, in a red cloak. Were they enemies? Cohorts? Time was not yet kind enough to reveal such a thing. I could not see him at the side of those he hates so fully… unless his hate is a ruse? He is by far anything but what he seems. He has lied repeatedly, and by depleting my allies both above and below, it seems he is trying to ensure at least one House’s victory. Further, he did trick Elrith into killing all of those Sheverashans. Disagreement or not, why kill your brothers and sisters in faith? Why situate their deaths… along side the work of Baenund assassins no less? So many things do not add up, and as time unravels that which it has kept hidden only adds to the mysteries.

In a moment of lost focus, I allowed my hand be forced. I knew the folly even as I walked the path… and despite the malice urging me to draw others to their deaths, I managed unwavering. I knew well I was waltzing into a web. I did not know that the Hand of Mercy would lead me to the weak thread. I did not know that a common thread would be revealed… a means to walk her webs as easy as her arachnid servants… if we can first uncover the secret to walking that thread without becoming ensnared. Light. It uses light to activate… Din had said that Harker had taken Fuller and Firavain in a flash of light… Which only adds to my suspicion of the man. He either uses his enemies tools to his benefit, or they are not his enemy. I have the keys, and thanks to Emrys’ linguistics, a working translation of the means to run it… Any door can now open… with the right combination. Yes… Mercy guided us to the weak strands, and then granted us a boon. I need only the patience to unravel its mystery, and Firavain and Fuller can be found… much faster, and hopefully, safer.

Guard careful this secret… lest the enemy use it. And be wary the darkness carefully contained within… Somehow the demon I hold, and his master are involved. What hand of the divine crossed Emrys’ path with mine in the way it has? Mercy of Ilmater, if ever I must step carefully, it is in this, for if I fall now, I lose more than I care to. I will not allow one enemy grant the other victory. Drow and Demons and Bhaalists alike… I will waver to none of them. Still, the alliance with the demon would explain the summoning of Balors. Did the mother seek the condemned daughter’s path because she had Fallen from the Spider’s Web? It would explain how she was further able to spawn her children… or did the demon seek her, offering whispers of greater numbers and a chance for the power she seeks? Is that what turned her from the favor of Lolth?

What are the chances that the Thayan’s soul, and thus his secrets are in tact? Does that explain the fevered hunt for her precious plaything? For her key? I know in my heart if it is my place to do so, I will see the thing destroyed once and for all, for if I do not… I will never find peace. Some one will always seek the power of the Soulkeep. Regardless of what is yet to come, I must first see Firavain and Fuller safe. I fear yet, that Harker may make a try for the foul thing… it would no doubt serve his cause well in his eyes, and he is as nearly dangerous as the Drow.

There is still the constant worry of the Bhaalists, and conversations on the subject are any but pleasant. It is down right troublesome at times. To Ilmater… And they mean not in service of the Crying God but into the hands of He Who Endures. Ilmater bid me wait, and I will wait. Ilmater bid me keep him safe and I will do so… Until I stand at his feet and he bid me grant him what has always been his… My oath to protect him at all costs stands. I worry of the silence. How badly do they regroup? To what end will they retaliate? I must be watchful… I must wait. I must not waver.

Once Fuller and Firavain are safe, and Harker no longer a threat, I mean to travel to Amn. After thinking long and hard upon this, it is set. I will go, I will seek Tessian, and hopefully find answers in accordance with what my heart seeks. I will confront his father. He will stop his malicious ways. We may travel to Trademeet, which is good. I can visit with old friends and dear loved ones, and finally be assured of peace that they are safe. Ian is worried that Ronwin will try to slander those of Trademeet for my presence. I hope he tries, for he will draw down a balance he is most unwilling to pay. To challenge Lady Iliara, a noble by birthright in Damara, and further now the wife of Brother Dracius, both of who are Named Heroes against the Drow that threatened Trademeet nearly five years back. The temple in Trademeet is not weak. With Sister Agatha appointed Adorned of the temple from highest stations in Damara… The man would be an utter fool to spell his own demise so clearly. Though if the fool wishes to save another the trouble, then may Mercy hasten him to his own undoing.

Dreams… Memories… Even the unpleasant ones are precious. Guard your thoughts, and your heart, for the only thing more precious is your soul and your faith… Keep you well your allies, for they will sustain you when all else may not. Light in dark paths, hope to guide you. Sure footed in faith, and strong, for in it there is unwavering strength. Mercy to those who have need of it… Merciful and swift death to those who would withhold it. Mercy always prevails, there is no other end but this. The things that anger us, the things we fear… those ills that feed off of our disquiet… if we deny them, then they are nothing. Weak whispers and idle threats that blow on the wind as fleeting as the passing scent of an unpleasant memory. Mercy of Ilmater is ever with me, may I remain your humble and faithful servant. May I stand true and unwavering, guided by your strong, yet gentle hand. Ever there is hope, and I will not let it fade, even amid lingering and looming darkness.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[ONE-HUNDRED AND SECOND ENTRY]

I have had a few interesting conversations of late. I spoke at great length with Ian… and I finally might be making some progress… at least I hope. The conversation was tense, but slowly anger gave way. If he and his son can make peace… or at least start to… Mercy of the Broken One… Even this can be mended. I am sure of it. The conversation was full of a great deal of revelation, and as I said… some progress. Time will tell how much weight words carried. For now, I will have to leave well enough alone and let those words settle.

It also seems, after talking with both Noric and Thomas that the mages of the Weavemasters wish to help… to what end I am unsure. I was told Mr. Goodmane wishes to speak with me, but the specifics are to him alone. I suppose I shall have to be patient, as with much lately. Ilmater forgive me… I have not been as patient as I likely should have been. Were it not for your steadying hand at my back Ilmater… long ago would I have lost my resolve.

I must be careful. There are those who seek to waver me… those who cannot understand what must be done either because their faith is weak, or because they cannot understand a faith that is not their own. It is not their fault, and I bear them no ill for it. I am fortunate to have so many ready allies, even if we do not all walk the same path… we all seek the same ends. Mercy will prevail in -all- things… in the end there is only this: Mercy. I will not waver, and perhaps… they will learn as they walk along side me, that all is not as hopeless as they thought.

A longer than normal walk found me in Beregost. I had not realized my thoughts had carried me so far, until I bumped into a voice. She asked for aid, but then it turned out she did not need it… Realizing where I was I made my way quickly back to the Feldepost inn. I was sitting quietly reading through my notes, still trying to come up with possible combinations that might lead to what we seek… or in the least some avenues of escape should they be needed… It was then that a voice in my ear and a hand on my shoulder roused me. The urgency of it gave me pause.

‘Upstairs now. Its me.’

I drained my tea and gathered my notes tucking them away quickly and pulled out my key. If I was worried by the time I closed the door behind us I was even more worried at the opening line of the conversation. I was in trouble. Bigger trouble than I thought. For whatever motives was now compelling this information to me… I was grateful even if I did not understand why. These days the ones who don’t try to kill me are nearly so invaluable. Especially the ones who look past their greed… in some unknown measure… for my sake. Yes. Money has changed hands, and if I feared my steps needed caution and guidance of Ilmater before… they do now more than ever. How many shadows hold those who may yet bear me ill? Is there truly a way of knowing such?

Why in the blasted Hells can’t they all see that I cannot give them what they seek?! Thayan Bastard! Of all who could have crossed my path… with any intentions… Would I have known the trouble to come of it all I would have stayed with the pompous Noblewoman and her -darling- husband. Surely the worst unpleasantness they had to offer were a far cry better than anything I have had to endure because of that damned Red Wizard! Done and done… we cannot un-walk the steps we have taken. We can only continue on our paths. My path has brought me where I am needed… I just wish… Oh Ilmater forgive me… I wish for even the smallest measure of peace, without worry or fear… without looking back and wondering which enemy will try to take all I hold precious and dear. Despite my wants… I will endure, unwavering. Such is the way of things. Such is my path.

Though I may walk the depths of the Hells and the voids of the Abyss… It is my path. I am no stranger to that which will be asked of me… That cursed amulet! Its secrets bound to my mind… its existence tied to my soul. I am the key to some unknown door… and for that… for what I cannot answer… I suffer, and will suffer still until the thing is destroyed. Perhaps if someone can unlock the secrets hidden beneath rune and ritual… I can seek it… and destroy it. Until someone unlocks the path to the door… The key cannot unlock the door… The one bound through ritual on pains and sufferings beyond what any dare know to recover the cursed thing… must retrieve it…and it must be destroyed.

Many hours passed as we discussed the fate of such a thing, and the implications, and finally all went separate paths for now… leaving me to my thoughts, that now raced beyond catching. I don’t remember falling asleep. It happens sometimes. When I try to hard to grasp at what I cannot. I black out. At least in that there is no nightmares. I dared not travel at night now. So I left for the temple by morning. It was a cold, rainy week… today was no different… but I was unbothered.
~~

A messenger arrived with a letter. Information on Fuller and Firavain. My thoughts returned to Harker:

‘He is or was… in the pay of Baenund, or at least under their thrall.’

Blast him! I knew that day at Candlekeep… even through the bars, I could tell by the look on his face. He had the nerve to call me a -traitor-? May Mercy find him in death because I fear the slights of his life… he will not find it at the hands of those he has wronged. I cannot stop them all… He has sealed his own fate. I only hope whatever he was promised was worth what it is he will find now. Once Firavain and Fuller are safely returned and made whole, I pray I never see him again. I must make some arrangements. Then I must find Joan and Emrys, Ian… The Shadow will find me when it is time… and I pray the shadow that means me well finds me before the shadows that bear me ill… I must hurry. This will not be an easy path… and I must be careful who I ask to walk along side me. We -will- bring them back. I pray for at least the chance to slap Harker for his impudent stupidity. Then may I never see him again.

Mercy of Mercies… great and small… Ilmater be with us all. If I am to walk roads un-traveled for so many years… May it be with you close beside me, for in all I fear I cannot fully trust… Never have you failed me, never have you mislead me. With you to guide me… I will not misstep, I will not waver. My faith is my strength, and hope shall light my path. I will endure. In the end, whatever ends we seek… there is only Mercy. Mercy will prevail.

[Some notes are crammed in the pages here. Six word combinations… vague metaphors lining the pages. A list of names. A pair of messages. A few drawings of faces. Also pressed here in between the pages is a single white rosebud…]
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