Re: Krumarth's Journal
Posted: Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:53 am
18 Flamerule 1355
My heart is so broken, so fractured, I wish the world would just let it rest. How much do I have to keep bleeding? How much do I have to keep crying? How much do I have to screaming out into wind? Someone help them. . .help us. . .
I miss everyone I used to know, who could come gather to spend time laughing, or spend time speaking and listening. I miss tribe. I miss -her-. She was so wise and kind, and I ruined it all. I'm so lost these days, the path laid before me becoming more unclear, the dust around me kicking up making it harder to see, harder to -smell-. I can hear the world crying, but no one wants me to come help, no one -allows- me too soothe it. They all shout at me, drawing their weapons, calling -me- a -monster-. Someone I thought a friend. . .did not stand up to defend my name, to tell them NO! Instead they accused me, then when the dust settled, and we are standing in a pool of our own tears, they care more about themselves than they did their friend. I thought I could trust you Atria.
I hope you are happy, I hope you are proud of what you are. You worked so hard, you got what you wanted, and now you protect what you are from whatever -threatens- it. Today I learned, even I as a -threat- to your life, your culture, that I am no exception. I'm so tired, I'm so exhausted of living war from the day I was born to now. I always need to reach for a weapon, finding myself fighting. The One-Eyed made us this way, and cursed us so we could live no other life. This life has always been one long drawn out joke for him, and he is getting the last laugh it seems. . .
Now I must hide even more from the world, and stand at even more of distance from its problems. I cannot bear this much pain, it's starting to become too much. Someone help us. . .someone help me. If Hinzel never came back out, if he wasn't around to help me, I don't know how I could pick up myself from the ground. I think I would just stay there and rest. . .to wither away and let my body return back to the dust.
My heart is so broken, so fractured, I wish the world would just let it rest. How much do I have to keep bleeding? How much do I have to keep crying? How much do I have to screaming out into wind? Someone help them. . .help us. . .
I miss everyone I used to know, who could come gather to spend time laughing, or spend time speaking and listening. I miss tribe. I miss -her-. She was so wise and kind, and I ruined it all. I'm so lost these days, the path laid before me becoming more unclear, the dust around me kicking up making it harder to see, harder to -smell-. I can hear the world crying, but no one wants me to come help, no one -allows- me too soothe it. They all shout at me, drawing their weapons, calling -me- a -monster-. Someone I thought a friend. . .did not stand up to defend my name, to tell them NO! Instead they accused me, then when the dust settled, and we are standing in a pool of our own tears, they care more about themselves than they did their friend. I thought I could trust you Atria.
I hope you are happy, I hope you are proud of what you are. You worked so hard, you got what you wanted, and now you protect what you are from whatever -threatens- it. Today I learned, even I as a -threat- to your life, your culture, that I am no exception. I'm so tired, I'm so exhausted of living war from the day I was born to now. I always need to reach for a weapon, finding myself fighting. The One-Eyed made us this way, and cursed us so we could live no other life. This life has always been one long drawn out joke for him, and he is getting the last laugh it seems. . .
Now I must hide even more from the world, and stand at even more of distance from its problems. I cannot bear this much pain, it's starting to become too much. Someone help us. . .someone help me. If Hinzel never came back out, if he wasn't around to help me, I don't know how I could pick up myself from the ground. I think I would just stay there and rest. . .to wither away and let my body return back to the dust.