Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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30th day of Tarsakh, 1350
Hidden shack, Roaringshore.
Roaringshore. The air here is thick with despair, it is a place devoid of hope, left to wither at the hands of the wicked. Looking around my shoulders slump under it, suffocating and yet in a sense oddly freeing. It is the second time I have been here, the company the same as the first but the person I am being much different. "Not everything is so perfect as it may seem elsewhere, lass" my escort had said the previously, as I scanned the bleak shoreline in my earlier days on the Coast. His unique point of view given me reason to pause and assess. I smile and nod, as best I can. I am alone again now. He has left me to my thoughts now, as I wait for the next ship out.

Why is it I come back here? Because I search for reaffirmation, I seek answers, I seek outlook that may stop my mind from running in circles. The realisation of this place and what it meant, aided me once before, a time of weakness before the Order. I am not here to escape. Not here to turn from any laid path. Not to rub shoulders with the vile and uncouth. Merely to think, to look at things from a different angle.

Aside from the blasphemous letter written by the tiefling and left for me should I make it out of dark hold, and the friction with my childhood tutor. . . there is. . . pressure. Things that are not proper for me to speak of out loud. Everything had been well, right as they were supposed to be. It is ironic that it is this that brings me to my knees, or at least the circumstances surrounding it all. Perhaps I had put too much weight on his return. Built it up more than I should have and ignored the issues. But now. . . the feeling of losing that support that I had so desperately clung to. His support. The possibility of losing something dear to me, something I had fought for and only recently regained . . . it causes these questions to rise the surface in a moment of weakness. "You weren't there when I needed you. . . " his words echoed, repeating them self in my thoughts.

Why...? Why did Tyr send me back. . .I should have remained dead. Perhaps it WAS my time. . . and I simply fought against it? Borrowed time that I was not supposed to have? Perhaps this is my punishment for past mistakes. Perhaps this is the price of my life. Stop that! Do not squander this gift. Despite it all, I did my best to stand by. . . through the pain, the heartache, the evenings I was pushed away. Through days and duty and death. I waited. I hoped, I prayed, I begged, I pushed on when all I wanted was to have him by my side again. . . and now. Now I’m here.

I wonder to myself if I should be allowed to feel this way. . . I already tell myself I am not. A beacon, is what I am meant to be. Better than this. Above these mortal problems which seem so pretty in the grander scheme of things. Yet the berating crushes me under it's weight, the words uttered poignant. I have made mistakes, unintentional, with good intentions. . . but mistakes all the same. We had discussed the risks once before, a paladin’s feelings can be their downfall. That whatever we had, it would not come before duty. . . and will not. I am Paladin. I will do my duty regardless. But it does not mean the pain is any less, the smoking, the lingering glances, the almost kiss. . . the blonde on his arm and the words of the shadow elf poisonous in his ear.

"You weren't there when I needed you. . . "

I think it hits me harder because I had expected, in a sense, that his return to my side would somehow magically rid any and all doubts from my mind, erase the heartache. . . just make everything right again. And it had, it did. It does, even. Do I weigh too much on the companionship of one person? Perhaps. It was never a thing I attempted, nor expected to find when I came to the coast. Nothing was more important than my duty, and yet slowly it happened. Drawn in by the warmth of his words and the strength of his spirit.

"You weren't there when I needed you. . . "

Not enough. Endure. Have I not endured enough? Be strong. I failed. Fight on!
My thoughts push and give against one another - what I should be against a mortal's despair, fingers curling around the hanging pearl which tapers from my neck.

I tried. . . I gave it my all. . . watched, waited. . . fought. . . hurt. . .clawed at the bars. . . became numb . . .

"I would offer solutions if you did not so willingly throw yourself onto the sword of evil. You weren't there when I needed you. . . "

And I shall live knowing that for the rest of my days.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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6th day of Mirtul, 1350
The Depths of Ulcaster's Ruins
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"Some fools awoke me from the depths... an orc paladin halfbreeed... I killed him as heee and others fled from my might and now.... I am hereeee..."

With a hideous roar the red scaled maw lunched in our direction, splintering the wooden balcony into a million shards, rows of yellowed teeth snapping shut as it sent us four diving for safe ground in the chaos. Debris crashed down from the dragon's mouth as it reared it's head, craning it's neck to watch us tumble to our feet with a beady yellow eye. "I am the oneee... and only... I am the lord... of this place." the beast bellowed, spewing a firey breath at the recently recovered.

With a yell, blade hilt warm in my hand as I raised it on high, we charged! Metal boots thudding along the floorboards, a thud and the clicking against stone as Kregan and I launched ourselves toward the mighty clawed legs that stood before us like tree trunks. "You owe me a drink for this woman if we don't die!" he hollers in regards to my challenge as he moves to strike the leg closest to him, the words barely registering as my blade ricochets off the nearby plated skin with naught but a dent. A flurry of blows with startling accuracy reign down on the scaled flesh beside my attempt, the blind man, Monty, dipping and weaving around bursts of flame with a cat-like grace. I raise my blade once more, the monstrous paw raising itself high above our heads. A sound of crackling fire flies over head, a burst of light flung from the hands of the female Hin in red, Emi, the clawed mass knocked askew in the assault. The beast screeched, a flap of it's wings sends a forceful gust of wind through the hall and throws us back.

I hit the ground, hard. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and my lungs are pained . . . it's getting hard to breathe. Fractured rib, assuredly. Holding my side, armor dented, I murmur soft words of healing on behalf of my god. Divine power flowers through my fingertips, painfully mending bone and sinew with a suffering growl from my own lips. I look up and see them fighting still, I must keep going. I throw myself forward, finding my feet with a creaking protest of metal from my defences, ducking under the wing and circle around the beast. Monty moves with unbelievable speed and prowess one might not think him blind at all, Emi a mere blur of magical energies what would not see a beast so close to her village. I spot a glimpse of Kregan from the underneath of the dragon's scaled stomach, his boots splattered with blood but unknowing if it were his or another's.

Together we fight, we struggle, we claw for victory for what seemed like both minutes and hours. Another burst of arcane magic pirouettes overhead and into the beast's side, sending a few scales flying through the air and charring others. I glance askew to the others at my side, a brief nod shared between united forces and together, as one, we force our final attack with hoarse cries of our own.

I plunge my blade into the tough, leathery hide that had been exposed on Emi's behalf, a spray of darkened blood blurring my vision and covering my forum in a hellish haze of red as I force it deeper to the hilt. I struggle to retain my hold on the weapon as the fiend bellows and writhes, the united efforts of Monty and Kregan mirroring the assault on the dragon's neck. Bursts of magic are sent into the open wounds we had created, I know not the spell, only that the dragon's great wings stretch outwards, knocking down pillars and shattering debris as it rears, proud and tall, Kregan and I still blade-deep.

With a roar unlike anything I've ever heard the beast shudders and falls, crashing to the ground in a cloud of smoke, dust and an aerosol of blood. I too, hit the ground, I think. I can see nothing but darkness, hear nothing save for a dull ringing and warbled noises in those moments, drawing in gasping breaths of relief as my senses slowly return to me.

"We're...We're not dead? I'm alive...I think..." I hear, echoing hoarsely from the other end of the hall. Kregan. A tapping of a stave of sorts, was that Monty? I force myself up into a sitting position, blinking a few times amidst the debris. "Lady Lafayette are you alright?" My gaze shifts down and over the dents in blood splattered armor. With gloved fingers I seek out my wounds, trying to determine which of the blood is my own. Each of us had been drawn to this place for the same reason. Myself and Kregan from Beregost, upon feeling the tremors and seeing the ground crack to release spores we headed South with concern for the town. Meeting up with Emi from Gullykin for directions as to the location, and Monty on the road there. What we had been met with was close to the unbelievable as feathered creatures directed us into the ruins to be met with horrific corpses of human experimentation.

"Hmm." I press fingers against a split in the metal covering my thigh, it brings pain. The wound is deep. Thankfully, aside from varying bruises and scrapes it seems to be the most serious of my injuries. "Just a flesh wound." I call out, finding my voice though the sound is raw and followed by a cough. "I will endure."

My unwillingness to be a burden, however, does not go unnoticed by the older Monty who taps his way over to the sound of my voice and begins to feel around in his satchel for bandages and salves. "Please permit me milady." I hesitate briefly but agree and each of us, having survived and thankful that we draw breath still, go about tending to our wounds and the injuries of others. Emi dusts off her dress and converses quietly with the feathered creatures, Kregan bandages a wound in his arm, inspecting the fallen beast as Monty assists with the perforation to my thigh. We would not rest long however, the portals and experiments weighing heavily on our minds even within tattered bodies. Further down into the ruins we would go in an attempt to discover what foulness tainted this place still.

"Let's get moving."
Last edited by Hidennka on Wed Nov 05, 2014 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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7th day of Mirtul, 1350
Song of the Morning Temple, Beregost.

". . .smile for me. You're so beautiful when you do so."

The mattress is large. Large enough for two people. Not that I wasn't used to bedding of such size but. . . this feels odd. . . so very odd. Nervous. Embarrassed. Invited. Yet looking forward to his company. After all we've been through. . . all we've endured from the moment our courtship was entered into, through the murder, the kidnapping, possession, even death. . . we persevered. The candle flickers it's dim light, casting dancing patterns of the walls as my gaze drifts throughout the room. His room. We have polished armor in here a few times previous but. . . polished. . .polishing armor. . . Gah! Fire and torment, Myhun I blame you! A scowl flickers over my lips, reminded of the old man's constant, and quite inappropriate jests. I wish he'd never explained such things to me. It's not like we're. . . we both have our vows, thank goodness so we won't b--- no! No, no. I'll not even going to start thinking about that!! For Goodness sake, Cecilia. I pull one of the feather stuffed pillows over my burning cheeks, forcing my thoughts to turn elsewhere.

Elsewhere only brings a different form of discomfort however, as my thoughts turn to Telia's recent admission and self exposure as an agent of Zhentarim. My brows furrow beneath the cloth of the pillow. I'd suspected for a while. . . the loss of particular pieces of memory from my time in Darkhold frustrated me still, seemingly to no end. Names, faces, voices all evade. . . yet brief snippets, the memories of action, the pains and turmoil of torture seemed as fresh as though they had happened only yesterday. My own pain aside I was able to recall hazy moments of someone being in Ameris' cell. Unidentifiable as man or woman and I couldn't for the life of me place the voice. All I remembered was this. . . person. . . seemingly had a close connection with my Priest Brother. There was emotional conflict there, anger, sadness, trust and an overwhelming sense of betrayal.

Blood. I remember the blood. I remember powerful magics that tore at my person and drained me to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes I unable to speak, other times I was deaf or blind. . . then came the blood magic. The agony that accompanied seeing my blood pulled from my own body before my eye as if it were trying to escape through any means necessary - open wounds, pores. . . dancing and twirling in space between us. The mage had taken some of it too, I remember. Storing it in a vial with threats of experimentation, of mixing it with fiendish blood and returning it to my body to see me tear myself apart from the inside out due to the strange properties my own contained.

With only these memories to go on, and the anguish I remember on Ameris' face I had set out to attempt to slowly uncover what I could. Piece by piece. I had spoken with Reader Laitae on the topic of Blood Magic in an attempt to understand and identify it, narrowing down the names of three people closest to Ameris whom might possibly have the ability to work and manipulate such. Telia had been one of them. But there was no proof. Never any proof. And she was not the only suspect. But why now? Had she been tipped off as to my investigation, or was it mere coincidence? Obviously this had been done for a reason. . . honesty rather than exposure? To seem less threatening?

And here I am, so focused on the fact that Telia is a Zhent while my Brother hurts more than I can understand. I am ashamed, that my own emotions got the better of me when I learnt. So concerned for his safety and well-being that I was immediately on the offensive. Demanding answers. Surprised and horrified. Trying to make sense of it all. There is pain. He masks it, especially in front of others, but I see it. I understand the detachment. It is how our kind, those of our status cope. He knew though, before I did, even. Confirmed that the one I could not place in the haziness of my memories had indeed been the woman herself. The same woman I'd spent numerous evenings alongside in my early days on the Coast - a mere acquaintance in comparison to the times in which Ameris had shared wine and word with intimately. How dare she! I wonder how she will use this against him, how much more pain she will cause for someone whom had cared for her unconditionally. Someone whom would, in stark contrast to myself, see her redeemed despite the wickedness of her heart. I worry for him. Truly.

A slow exhale leaves my lips, I let it drain my lungs entirely. Everything is so. . . convoluted. Talisen speaking words of friendship in a bid, a plea that we listen to Cara and aid in her desire to see the ban on the worship of Myrkul lifted from the gates. Asking for letters of recommendation of all things.. . and in turn she herself would remove the desecration she placed on the shrine to Chauntea, as she was the only one able to do so. And Tolan. . . so blinded and willing for peace that he is completely willing to overlook issues at hand, not to mention inviting Cara into his own private chambers and be completely willing to unveil plans for Triel.

The Myrkulite remains as vexing as ever, stating she cannot know the will of the gods, and yet claiming to speak on behalf of her own. Speaking of peace and a non-violant solution, one way -her way- alone which will see the lands restored. Threats to see further destruction unless her wishes are fulfilled. It makes one wonder, why is the undoing of her God's work now her God's will, if it was truly to desecrate the place and to protect the undead. Ivan raised a good point also. In the future, will her church hold other places filled with undead hostage? Were we to give in to these demands, are we setting ourselves up for future catastrophe? The discussion had evolved into argument at the talk of compromise, that Cara would perhaps remove the taint from the shrine as an act of good faith. To which Tolan bid us three; Ilmateri, Tyrran and Lathanderite from his chambers for daring to question Cara further. It was a curious thing if not entirely frustrating.

My thoughts soon dissipate however as I hear the door open with a quiet creak. I quickly roll to the very edge of the mattress, shutting my eyes as another's candlelight pours in through the entrance way. Don't move. I tell myself. Don't move. Don'tmovedontmovedontmove. Pretend your asleep. Is there enough space? What if I snore? My feet are cold. What if I roll over? What if I roll over and deal a blow to his face? Even with eyes closed I can see the room dim, hear the soft puff of breath as the candle at my bedside is fades into darkness. Silence follows, briefly. Why is my heart beating so fiercely? There follows a warmth on my cheek, the lingering contact of his lips and with them my woes subside even as the footfalls shift around to the other side of the bed. The shared bed.

"Goodnight M'Lady Cecilia." drifts the quiet murmur from the opposite side of the bed, followed by a muffled yawn and a creak of the wooden frame as the larger bulk of her companion shifted to get comfortable. The Gods were good when they allowed this man to enter my life. "Goodnight Eldarian" I whisper into the dark, laying stiff as a board even as my lashes slowly drift downwards to obscure my vision.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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9th day of Mirtul, 1350
Radiant Heart Chapterhouse, Baldur's Gate.
Balance. A word that means so many different things to different people. "Good" and "Evil" it is said, are two sides of the same coin. Completely different, and yet the lines between them can be blurred so easily when it comes to one's motivations. How much of that is true, I wonder? The darkness needs the light to exist, but light does not require the dark to burn. Only fuel.

Half a tenday ago Eliphas and I shared words on a similar topic both in lead up to and following today's council meeting within the Radiant Heart Chapterhouse. Words which have given me pause and thought. It has been one month and a day since I am told I was hung from the ramparts of Darkhold's outer wall. Mere weeks since I was graced with a miracle of life, one I do not expect to be privy to again for the rest of my days. My limbs feel almost as if they are my own again, the fire in my heart leading me to seek out Knighthood within the Order.

My mentor spoke to me of his own time as a Squire in our shared homeland of Cormyr, how he too was knighted late when compared to his comrades. We spoke of personal loss, of recklessness. I know he thinks me not ready, that my desire is lit by the fires of anger and vengeance and this stirs my impatience, when in actual fact I seek action. Something that seems to be too sorely lacking at times. Knighthood would provide me the tools needed in coming days, those which are shadowed by the darkness of Zhentarium actions. I know that I have much still to learn, and this I do not argue against. It is a truth though, that even in Knighthood we never stop seeking to learn and better ourselves. To stop is to become stagnant in our fight against the darkness. Perhaps though, in some way his uncertainty stems from some small desire to see me safe from further harm if I am to read his expression correctly.

Where does one draw the line between passion and zealotry? Eliphas says they are one and the same, to an extent, and warned me of the dangers of being so. It is my belief, however, it is what we should be. Resolved. Determined. Passionate. Faithful. We are the Radiant Heart. Without that, we are no better than our enemies. Without that, we lack a soul at our very foundation. Our very core.

"I simply understand evil on a level you perhaps don't. One day you might, but I hope it may be while." he had said in a quiet moment shared between us two, he at the head of the table and myself at his right hand. As it has always been.

We spoke of the darkness within oneself, I will admit it was a conversation that made me. . . uncomfortable. There was a darker side to all of us, Eliphas explained. One that should not be embraced, but accepted. To understand this was to understand our enemy. I disagreed. I'm of the mind that it should be fought. Accepting darkness, accepting whatever evil it might be that one finds inside himself is the path that leads to embracing. This is not simply limited to this conversation, but as a whole. As the Sword Coast accepts the veil that passes over it, how long will those beneath it be able to withstand it's lure and embrace it? No, any darkness within oneself should be fought, and expelled. Daily if need be. Through prayer and deed. Every fibre of one's being should reject it, like a poison. Or water expelling an oil.

While I enjoyed our talk, and appreciated my mentor's words they do not. . . sit right with me. Was it possible. . .? No, no. It couldn't be. He has simply been through enough, experienced first hand what it means to lose it all. He was mentoring, passing on life lessons so that I might learn from his experiences. He has lived far more than I, my doubts likely stemming from my own inexperience. It was wise advice, even if I did not agree. Appreciated. And yet. . . something I cannot ignore. Something that should be monitored.

"Good Girl. These are fine traits, Cecilia. But don't become zealous. Know your limit. I can't tell you where those limits are until it's too late. Just be wary of your own thoughts and actions. Use your brain too, not just your heart."

Perhaps he is testing me.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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25th day of Mirtul, 1350
Pilgrimage: Along the River Delimbiyr.
Scales atop a warhammer. A shield. Justice through benevolent force and armed vigilance. This is the very basis of the Tyrran faith. Scales, perhaps depicting balance between lawfulness and mercy. A shield, protection of the innocent. The warhammer, both the ruling hammer of justice and a powerful weapon. Not unlike the two Orders of the Just God's followers, I think. The Knights of the Merciful Sword and the Knights of Holy Judgement. There is a struggle to understand the workings of Tyrrans, even duty itself. The world to others is a grey haze, the lines between right and wrong blurred like one between the colours of black and white. There is no place for such within the confines of the law. Were circumstances to dictate what was and was not a crime, structure would collapse. For why should one person judge what makes thievery acceptable over another? Should any one man's need be greater than another, and where then is the line drawn?

We hold ourselves to such rigid ideals because we must. There is a standard the Even-Handed must adhere to, it is what is expected. Mortals are bias, hence we attempt to be the closest thing we can to our Almighty Father in an effort to maintain consistency from paladin to paladin, priest to priest. It does not mean it is easy, of course. Even to understand this, to know what justice is and should be doesn't exclude one from the impatience that comes from wanting to see a better world. The heavy heart one experiences at a loss. Fury and loyalty belongs to the Tormtar. Mercy and redemption; the Ilmateri. It is with Tyr, one must be steeled to look upon a crime with impartiality so that one's emotions do not tamper with the ideals of social justice being unbiased. It often leads to misunderstanding. Tyrants, they call us. Monsters.

It is the same way duty is rather enigmatic to those outside not only our faith, but paladinhood in general. The needs of the many before the needs of the few, or the one. There are no 'whys', no 'buts'. It simply is. Duty, first and foremost above all else. This does not mean we are reckless in our pursuits, yet it us understood that our lives are instruments of our Gods. Our lives are not our own and less important than those of an innocent. There is no arrogance that should come from sacrifice. No martyrdom. No pride. No sense of self. It is not an act that should be done for selfish reasons of fame, admiration or self-righteousness. Such is forgotten at times, I think. No, it's the true understanding that no matter how much you cherish what will be left behind, friends, family, lover. . . material possessions, soldiers, the innocent, the guilty. . . the things which in essence make up who and what you are. . . all of that will no longer exist to you, and it may be for a complete stranger. To give your life for another is the greatest sacrifice one can make, and it is not a joyous thing. Yet it is a needed thing, when required. Accepted. To serve is is an honour and should be with a whole heart and a free mind.

"Revenge is an act of vindictiveness; justice, of vindication." These were simple words that Ali had used to explain to me the differences during my training, and have stayed with me ever since. Justice cannot be selfish, there should be no thirst in putting a man to blade. Were it to be so it would be tainted. It if where we differ from the Hoarites whom adhere to personal justice, rather than the social justice one strives for as a Tyrran. The intense effort to avenge oneself or others can easily become corrupting, morally reducing the avenger’s status to that of the perpetrator. Degrading another only ends up further degrading oneself. True justice is motivated by the desire to establish a better society; revenge is motivated by the desire to harm.

The death of another is not greeted with joy, but often necessary to promote the greater good, or to protect oneself, companions, or one within a Tyrran's charge at the time. One does not kill a person who is merely suspected of a crime, nor kill someone he perceives to be a threat unless he has tangible evidence or certain knowledge of evildoing. It is Tyr's own words that state one should be vigilant in their observations and anticipations, seeking to see what forces and which beings intend or will cause injustices and threaten law and order in the future. These are the words in which I reflect upon now alongside the peace found at water's edge.

It is understood that one must uphold a just law, even if it isn't fair. A just law is one that is consistent with the principles of the legal system it is part of. It is a concept I have found many struggle with. That breaking an unfair law is still unacceptable, and punishment is still deserving to those who do so. Of course, mercy must be taken into account in these situations, and one's punishment should only ever fit the crime for the deeds which they have committed and should always be honourable. Sabel's death at the hands of the Amnian Guard, despite the atrocities she committed, was not a just death. It was inhumane. One works to resolve such within the confines of the law, working to bring about change and only fighting against the law to bring justice only if a legal system is so corrupt that it cannot be reasonably defined as lawful at all.

At times it brings frustration. The feeling of being torn between the desire to see the wicked vanquished and the knowledge that one must remain dutiful to the law in doing so. To temper oneself when one knows the nature of another and yet cannot act. It is why armor is donned and emotions steeled. Chaos, even within one's self can lead to downfall. Indecision. Bias. Ruthlessness. It is through structure and order that goodness prevails. Truth. Honour. Justice. Law promotes the welfare of all members of a society, ensures their safety, and guarantees justice.

I am but the Hammer within my God's hand; his will be done.
Last edited by Hidennka on Thu Oct 16, 2014 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

Unread post by Hidennka »

2nd day of Kythorn, 1350
Pilgrimage: The Singing Sprite Inn, Secomber.
Almighty Father of Justice,

I pray for that you might expose the evil done by the Zhentarim and that the perpetrators of said evils might be brought to repentance or else experience the pain he/she inflicted on others. Let them be unable to sleep; awaken them with the painful reality of what they’ve done and judge them accordingly. If granting them blessings will lead them to repentance, then I pray for their blessing. If it must be tragedy that awakens them to the trail of evil they have left behind, then do whatever is necessary to bring to their senses. Allow me to be the tool that you use to see your will be done. The hammer in your hand. The wrath of your words. The truth and the light.

I beg of you that you remove this fog which has shrouded my memories of Darkhold and keeps me from knowing the full extent of what it was that was endured. Names, faces, voices, certain conversations all allude me, yet the pains and the memories of the torture remains. History, for all its pain and trials, has bestowed upon me through divine miracle. . . the opportunity to live my life doing justice and practising peace. Yet it is a struggle, answers always just out of reach so matter how hard I strain and stretch. Temper my frustrations, my impatience. Zealotry. Truculence.

I am yours to do with as you please. I pray that I will never turn these words into abstractions, but always see them as places to take my next steps for change. When the burden of my history and the unfolding story of the world wears me down, paralysing my mind with hopelessness, help me feel the pulsing flow of life. Let me pause and give thanks for the energy, even if faint, that carries me into awareness and allows me to view the world with opened eyes.

Grow me in your wisdom and let my actions speak when silence threatens justice and indifference disturbs peace. When gossip, hate, and cruelty arise among friends or in public places, continue to grant me the fearlessness of being one of your own and allow me to confront such undeterred. Allow me the power to smite your enemies when chaos and evil threaten our lands. When I defensively assert certainty in the presence of the unknown, grant me the courage to live comfortably in the unanswerable questions of life. Bless me with the eternal gift of not knowing and let it take root in me until it pushes forth shoots of understanding and branches of humility.

Like a drop of water let me merge and mingle in the currents of my particular time and situation and not hold back, but join what nurtures the earth and soaks the seeds of justice and peace. Let me be the flash point where the light begins to travel at great speed, igniting law and order, that others might see the power of goodness through structure and discipline. Let me rush with the winds of change across the desolate plains of greed and selfish desire. Grant me the wisdom to know that the winds of eternal hope blow through my words and deeds. Let me join the sky with its watchful eye and be a witness to life affirmations wherever I see them.

Even-Handed, grant me the courage to love boldly in the face of my greatest fears. Fears not of the battlefield from which you shield me, but of the heart and the mind. I pray that you keep watch over Eldarian as if he were a child of your own. We mend the fences of absence and circumstance, walking the roads of understanding and duty but it is not always easy. Meanwhile give us the sure confidence that You will do what is right and good; let us entrust the evil done against us into your sovereign hand, and with that, let us be content that justice will come.

In Tyr's holy name, I do so pray.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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20th day of Kythorn, 1350
Radiant Heart Chapterhouse, Stables.
Stoke, stroke, stroke. With each brush of the warhorse's chestnut coat I seek to dissipate the chaos witnessed upon my return from pilgrimage. There is peace found in the presence of this creature, I've found. In these actions. It has always been this way, somewhere to turn in respite. The charger is well-bred for it's designated task, though lacks the elegance and purity of breed that Charity had. . . has? I wonder if she remains in the stables within the Forest Kingdom?

A bounty of two bags of gold upon my head as a "warmonger from Cormyr" at the hand of the Black Network. I returned from pilgrimage naught but two days ago to this and yet it seemed the least of my concerns. A curiously low amount, but not unwelcome that they do not see me as a threat. Bounty has been placed on Ameris as well as, surprisingly, Alaan and . . . Myhun. Grandpa, Eldarian and I had called him fondly. For that was what he had been to us, even in his passiveness over the state of Triel and the frustrations surrounding it. Had he truly. . . been one of them? A bounty of fifty bags for desertion? Was this the darkness in his past that the Ancient Guardian Beholder had seen in him? I shake my head with a quiet sigh, the angular head of the warhorse turning in my direction with a hearty nudge. As if it knew. A small smile finds my lips, running my fingers through the length of it's mane. Perhaps he had done something right if he had truly deserted them. "As unwelcome as this news of bounties is. It is what it is. They do not want us dead enough to send their own assassins - or its a ruse to make us think that. So we just make sure we are careful." My Brother in spirit, his counsel wise as always when we had opportunity to speak of it.

News obtained did not halt with the list of bounties, however. Orcs following the maggot god have reoccupied Triel and true to form the Zhentarim have done a deal with them to arm the brutes with weapons. In return? The orcs will allow the caravans of the Black Network to pass unmolested, sacking all other and making trade impossible for any routes but their own. Luckily, subtle people saw the deal being made and thus the agents of evil can be shown as up to their old tricks as much as they might project differently. Even in Secomber, as witnessed on my pilgrimage, a wayside for Zhentarim and their caravans. Their presence was easily noted and influence continues to spread daily. These are things, it has been decided, that the people should know, the news spread by word of mouth to avoid appearing to be agitating but done honestly and openly so that the Zhentarim cannot hide their deeds and make the unknowing or unsuspecting think they are harmless. It is the first step.

Furthermore. . . it turns out that the Zhentarim were behind the Drow raid on Hill's Edge naught but five months ago in the The Claw of Winter. That such vile forces would work together only strengthens the understanding of their ruthlessness. That they would put so many innocent lives to slaughter in the interest of furthering their own goals. Expected, yet . . it leaves a horrid taste on the tongue. The plan had been to be a limited raid, to sow fear . . . likely so that the Zhentarim could pose themselves as heroes. So, unsurprisingly, the Zhents helped the Drow get to the surface. However, as is the nature of Drow, the dark elves then betrayed them and went on to do much more damage, spreading to scout out and then attack other targets for their own reasons. It also means the Zhentarim's cruel methods were responsible for a direct attack on the Duke's territory. From here we begin to spread word so as not to turn eyes upon us more than need be. This won't stand. It cannot.

Then there was. . . this. My gloved fingers twitch, shifting down to the pouch at my side. Flicking off the buckle that secured it I withdraw a brilliant blue gem, a diamond one would guess though hard to tell through the bloody mess that coats it. The stallion pulls away from it, ears back. I can't say I blame it, either. This very stone was attached to the beating heart of the one called Aiden, the Trickster. . . the Lich. . . ripping it out of his body in a fit of maniacal laughter and tossing it in my direction. Another thing witnessed upon my return. I do not know how or why it was there, nor what it does. All I know is the thing seems to hold some kind of powerful magic and needs to be analysed. Destroyed if need be.

So much. . . destruction. Unrest. Yet I am. . . calm? Sickened by what I see and hear, but determined to see it brought to an end. I will fight. This is what I have been placed here to do. This is my life. My calling. My honoured task so that others do not have to. So they might rest in their beds at night and sleep unthreatened. The Even-Handed has blessed me with his resilience and strength of spirit. I am like this charger, existing for a sole purpose and living it with every breath to the best of my abilities. There is darkness closing in on all sides, but I will leap into the fray should my God ask it of me. This is what I am. This is why I will seek to embrace the teachings of the Tyr, Ilmater and Torm as a whole. A Knight of the Triad.

Deeds will not go unheeded no matter whom the enemy, nor the ferocity of his roar; but will be done without foolishness and brash action.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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21st day of Kythorn, 1350
Beregost Town Center.
"I was murdered by a Zhent agent that day you found me. Xavier. He did something to me that day. It took me months to find out what happened to me. I...realized after months...something...someone...was inside my mind."

Did he truly think I would believe such a ridiculous notion? A demon, he claims. A convenient scapegoat for an atrocious crime. I am not the niave fool I had been, so easily misled. Kahanak. I should have let him die. Killed him when I had the chance. Did he think he could just get away with it? And now. . . now this proves what I knew all along! He admits it! It was he whom killed the Dawnknight in cold blood. His actions that lead to my torture at the hands of the Dead Crows after bribing them to be involved. I remember it well. Unforgettable. Hammer. Deepwinter. 1350 Dale Reckoning. Three days into our courting. It was one of the most terrible days of my life. My hands shake with anger recalling it.

On the day of Eldarian's death we had sought to cross paths around noon at which point, according to the Most Radiant, he was to "surprise me" with something. No doubt I was curious. On that same morning within the Friendly Arm Inn, Kahanak was witnessed having a conversation with a bard that talked of his displeasure over the union and then of ways in which Eldarian could be killed, specifically by petrification or beheading. He was also the last one to be in contact with Eld before he went missing that morning from the same area, his absence coming to my attention after he failed to attend duties surrounding his position as Lieutenant-Commander of the Song of the Morning temple in Beregost. A most uncharacteristic act for the dutiful Dawnknight. My stomach churns still at the thought, fighting the urge to panic. Something was wrong in those moments. I could feel it, inexplicably.

By his own admission in my investigation, Kahanak had stated he had approached the paladin to 'congratulate him'. He was unaccounted for during the approximate time of Sir Eldarian's disappearance. . . no not unaccounted for. "I regained consciousness over his batted, but alive body... He had been beaten to an inch of his life. I felt...the presence leaving me...I was seeing...a shadowy figure...heading for his body..." Present. Liar. Murderer. There was no denying it now. I remember desperately taking Eldarian's clothing to Ivan in an attempt to trace the Dawnknight and finding large quantities of his blood, though it appeared to have been mostly burnt away. No body remained. Large holes were also found and surmised to be some kind of footprint. The footprint of the Mage's Iron Golem form. It was discovered through ritual that Eldarian was slain, his soul no longer on the Prime Material Plane.

The motives for his actions, if I am to understand correctly, had stemmed from jealousy of Eldarian's courtship over a woman he himself wished to court, nay had a deep attachment to. Though I had been the gullible one, it was a desire which was denied when surfaced. His gifts had once come aplenty, alongside the gifts of others. This was something I could not run from, it seemed. A mirror of my former life in Cormyr. "Seagull" he had called me in an attempt to woo, just as Lord Aurubaen had referred to me as the caged "Dove". Such is the way of the world I fear, even where tradition and honour do not dictate actions. What was it that gave these men and others the desire to clip wings? To cage and claim and demand? Both manipulative and vile. Destructive and abusive when feelings were not returned. Blaming a demon for a crime of misguided passion at his own hand. . . Pathetic.

Kahanak went on to refuse to answer any and all questioning on the matter in the weeks. . . nay months that followed, going as far as attempting to end his own life during questioning. Blackmailing us with the outcome. Then going as far as to buy off the Dead Crows with one hundred bags of gold so that they might be scapegoats! For weeks I investigated the matter during the hours not dedicated to Eldarian's rebirth in Lathander's miracle, a task in itself. Months I spent trying to get the matter into the courts with handfuls of written reports and evidence even as the killer walked free. And now. . . now he dares to admit such. . . after six months of evasion and manipulation he wishes to claim it the work of a demon which just so happened to be placed in him by a common enemy?

"I did not kill him Cecilia. It did."

No. Impossible. Ridiculous. Were that the case he would have come forward earlier. . . would not have gotten the Crows involved. . . would not have run and fought. Laughed. Mocked. Denied. Threatened. Targeted the lover of the woman who denied him. Conveniently "blacked out" when drunk and abusive. I was there at the time just after he claimed the demon was put inside him. Bleeding out in the bathroom of the Friendly Arm Inn. I saw those wounds. Two blades in the back. Not the work of "Xavier" whom I have witnessed to use sword and shield. Using my enemy against me, knowing full well what I had endured at the hands of the Zhentarim. . . does he think me a fool? And this. . . parchment. "It says they are abandoning the rule of lands deemed uncivilized, making them lawless and whatever happens, or happened there, is now...not their problems." That he would even mention such. . . a subtle challenge if ever I did see one. Perhaps the real reason for this base "confession" . . . a taunt. Words given to enrage and flair the temper anew all the while proclaiming "and there is nothing you can do about it".

Damn him to the hells! He is wrong. My God is a mighty God. The courts may overlook such transgressions in the hands of the wealthy but the Even-Handed will not allow this to be stand. The Murderer will be judged accordingly in the face of true justice. It is in lawlessness that the Court of Tyr reigns. . . judge, jury and executioner. I need to find a way to see this through honourably and accurately, but must focus in the face of hopelessness, lest I allow my emotions to overpower and influence my actions. I must remember what and who it is I stand for. I will seek counsel on this.

I cannot give up yet. I won't.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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27th day of Kythorn, 1350
The Cloud Chaser, At Sea.
Respite! I feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin. . . this open expanse of sky and sea are almost like a dream. The breeze whips at my skirts and tugs at Eldarian's tunic. In these moments, our duty is on hold. A strange feeling and although there is some guilt in it, considering I have only been back less than a tenday but . . . I am enjoying what is the start of our journey. The crew have been delightful, sharing tales of their adventures and travels. One of whom played us a jolly tune on his lute, the entire crew joining in as they worked. They are quite friendly. . . I think Eldarian finds some amusement in it, given the smirk that plays upon his lips. We head North to the City of Splendours! His hand over mine, myself equal parts nervous and excited.

"They said that I need to bring you before them, to see if you are worthy of the title of my last name." The Dawnknight murmured with lips against the pointed tip of my ear, approaching me with the request in yesterday's eve. I remembered the advice I had been given to share my feelings and so an organised picnic was arranged. Shared by candlelight with accompanying minstrel which in turn allowed us the time needed to talk and tend to mending the weary bridges of duty and hardship. It was our reuniting after so many troubles and our own travels. Selune graced us with a brilliant display of her presence that eve, the chords of the lute strumming softly. Then came the words. In the entirety of my days, I do not believe I have been more anxious and unbelievably happy at the same time. "Then it is settled. We can leave on a ship tonight." He had stated with some amusement as I agreed dumbly, watching for my reaction. I am sure it was quite ridiculous, in truth. Like a child that had eaten too many sweets. Thus, we spent the eve engaged in conversation and quiet laughter as we drank from our goblets and shared cheese before hurriedly packing a few belongings and making our way to the docks. I can still scarcely believe it. My heart feels as though it may tear itself out of my very chest.

They refers to the patriarch of the Al'maire family and his wife, of course. Eldarian's Father and Mother. It is. . . a complicated situation, in ways. Not unlike my own, though the aspects shift. We both know where we stand socially and politically within our own families and what would and have been expected should our courting. . . progress. It is quite a way a ways, I imagine, were it to happen. Or so we've discussed. It is not another duty to be taken on lightly. It would not be single duty either, for there would be much involved. We've always been of the mindset if it works, then praise be to Lathander for blessing our union. If not. . . well. It would be a terrible blow. Crippling, even. At least for me. But duty remains. Yet. . . Cecilia Al'maire. . . ahah. Hahah. Even if that is the cause for this voyage, I'm getting ahead of myself. Faaaar ahead of myself. Eldarian has made clear in the past his family's wishes drive his desire for success. If I cannot fit into that then. . . well. I must impress if I wish to remain at his side and have him by mine.

I had not come to the Coast looking for this. In fact courtship. . . was in part what I was running from. My thoughts, my mind were on my duty. I was green in my paladinhood. And yet there he was . . . even as we denied it, ran from it. . . we became one. With a little 'help' from Myhun. I have not looked back since. Alas now the sun is setting slowly, trailing it's cloak of orange-yellow hue. I expect we'll arrive in Waterdeep the day after next, or so the crew tell me. He's smiling at me again, golden-flecked blue eyes reflecting the sunset in warm sincerity.

" . . . I love you, Eldarian." I murmur softly amidst the sounds of crashing waves, gaze drifting over his well defined features.

"Tell me again," he says gently as his lips draw near my own, gloved fingers in the length of my hair.

And so I do.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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29th day of Kythorn, 1350
Al'maire Estate, Waterdeep.
Friend. With a glance around the room, I open the ornate glass window which whimpers with a slow creak. Fingers remaining on the handle for a short period, my gaze traversing the large, sprawling property of the Al'maire estate. It is much grander than I had expected, humble was the description of such extravagance. The view and the gentle breeze aid me in feeling somewhat less trapped in this room; though the stern-faced guard posted outside my door does little to ease such. Fingers dropping from the golden handle, they shake and curl in my lap. Not angry, no. Friend. Well, perhaps that is not entirely true. . . but the anger is minimal and gives way to hurt. A sigh leaves my lips, gaze drifting to the horizon. The sun is in it's final stages of setting. Evening is still in it's early stages. This is not how things were supposed to go. . .

My first sight of the City of Splendours was quite unlike anything I'd ever seen, pulling into what I believe was . . . I think Eldarian called it Deepwater Harbor. After a peaceful and light-hearted voyage the display of masts and towering buildings dotting the skyline and towering overhead was quite breathtaking. Completely unlike Suzail in a number of ways, everything about the place bustled with excitement. Even with Eldarian's tales of darker things found in the alleyways and beneath the city itself, the experience were a delightful one. With a brief, intimate tour of surrounding wards we passed by the City of the Dead. I had expected it to be chilling, especially after hearing it named such. In truth, however, there was a peacefulness to the atmosphere. A solemn aura of rest and finality, but devoid of sadness. The graveyard was quite beautiful in a way, though apparently it had not always been so. Many of Eldarian's family had been laid to rest there, save for his Grandfather. I wonder. . . if he would wish to be buried there also? Would he wish his remains to be returned to his homeland? To lay alongside his family or. . . . well. I doubt his family would allow anything other than this. I will have to remember to ask him.

If I get that chance. . . after all, in the eyes of the Young Master's family. Well. Were they fond of me, I doubt very much I would be locked in this room. . . out of sight. . . while the three of them converse and share stories. I wonder what they're speaking of? I see the differences between our families easy in this place. Yet the similarities Eldarian and I share do not seem so distanced either. We're both pawns in the politics of tradition and social, economical greed. At least as I understand it. Eldarian, however, seems to embrace it or at least accept it. Whereas I did not. Perhaps he is the wisest of us two in doing that. . . yet I wonder what this will mean for us. After all that had occurred, the support given, the love shared . . . even as I expressed these in addition my enquired about nobility and birthright, it had not been enough. Friend, his father had called me. The phrase repeats numerous times. I can't shake it. Eldarian's friend from Cormyr. In that moment it seemed as if colour had drained from my surroundings. Golds became lacklustre. Reds dull and lifeless. Blues diminished.

"Marry local nobility." I heard expressed tersely through the door, snippets from a conversation shared between Eldarian and the displeased patriach after he was ushered away. "Not some trollop from a faltering kingdom!" Patriotic pride aside, the words cut deeply. I was breathless. To her credit, the Lady Al'maire - beautiful in features and grace - did attempt to draw attention away from the muffled conversation. . . though whether this was for her benefit or mine I am unsure. I . . . don't remember much of that discussion, truthfully. More focused was I on Eldarian's murmured protests and his father's bursts of "heirs" and "keeping one's head on straight around pretty young girls". I am. . at a loss as to where I went wrong. This is. . . unfamiliar territory. Were customs so different here that I had acted inappropriately without realising? This is the complete opposite of the reactions in my own homeland, a time and place when I had no interest in courtship yet was put on display like a prized mare. This is different to swinging one's blade. This was a way of life, one I had spent my whole life preparing for, engaging in. Now. . . now when everything is on the line. . . now it was derelict? Lacking? Excessive? I know not what they want from me. I wonder what Eldarian experiences, I worry for him and this burden . . . my burden?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

Friend.

I quietly long for Eldarian's comforting embrace in this moment.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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31st day of Kythorn, 1350
Al'maire Estate, Waterdeep
A stolen moment. Treasured. The Fire-Oak. A kiss. Two souls beneath the alcove with only the pattering of rain and the accompaniment booming of thunder; our melody as we dance. It is the moment that would have the bards scurrying for their quill and parchment were they to witness it. Yet this single, blissful moment is one for us alone and I shall hold it in my heart until the end of days. In this moment, there is no struggle. Only love, so often overlooked and brushed aside in the name of duty. My cheek rests gently on the exquisite silks that cover the warmth of his chest. Alas, though it seems our footsteps step and shuffle lightly in unified rhythm for a long time it is in fact fleeting. Already I hear the clipping of shoes coming down the nearby stairs, likely to separate us once more. I bury my head a little further, grasp a little tighter. I am not ready for this to end just yet.

These last two days have been a whirlwind of activities. The markets bursting with scents, sounds and life. I have noticed moments in which Eldarian has appeared distant, though I can only imagine the pressures he must be under currently. Today I was given a tour of the Al'maire estate, my heart aflutter at the size of the library; grand in its design and contents. What I wouldn't give to spend an afternoon browsing it's titles. It becomes quite clear that his family is quite worldly, with all manner of exquisite possessions and family history. It seems they value experience and while my lineage holds this true, I myself am quite limited in worldly empiricism. It has become an enjoyable time I must say, experiencing many new things after the initial hiccups. Most have been pleasant. . . even with the wizard of the magic troupe pulling me up onto the stage and attempting to dazzle me with his charming cantrips. How embarrassing.

There have been fine clothes and even finer meals, the most memorable of which was shared between us two last night. So few are the private times between us, yet the wine poured freely and the strings of the violinist cocooned us almost unnaturally in a world of our own. Few days remain until we return to duty once more. Though we remain separated often, especially in the eve, and the nagging reminder in the back of my thoughts that Al'maires have yet to approve of me... it leads one to appreciate the smaller things. These moments. The lingering scent of sun-bathed wood and leather.

"Master Al'maire," comes the gravelly voice of an elder woman; one of the maids sent to collect us. "Yer father’s wantin’ ya to know the guests ain’t comin’ fer the evenin'. Said the storms too much to try an’ fight. But it’s all rescheduled fer two days frem now. Right now though’s. . .dinner. Then the market troupe is coming to perform. Can I show ya two to yer seats?" The woman gives a curtsey and a sweeping gesture to the doors of the mansion as a soft sigh leaves my lips. Eldarian's form shifting gently against my own as our eyes meet. A rumble of thunder. A smile, white teeth, taking my hand. Squeezing back as we depart.

I struggle to show him how I feel, I must make attempt in future.
[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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Not All Masks Are Porcelain and Lace

1st eve of Flamerule, 1350
Al'maire Estate, Waterdeep
A knock at the door instantly caused Cecilia to take a small step back, the laces of the ornate gown crushing her ribs with a final tug; corset in place. Ornate was putting it mildly, of course. Silks dyed in wine-red and blackened hue, trimmed with lace, drew ones eye to the ball dress which cinched the waist and overflowed at the hips, layer upon layer. Nervously, the young woman wrung slender hands gloved in crushed velvet as the finishing touches were made by bustling maids. "Pretty as a painting." commented one of the younger, kinder of the servants. The compliment curled the corners of the Tyrran's rosen lips into a grateful smile. After hours of preparation following what could only be described as an interrogation by the Lady Al'maire over the courting of her son, Cecilia was finally ready. Make-up caked her naturally pretty features for the first time in a long while, pale blonde hair cascading freely over her breast in recently heated curls.

With the small dainty steps of heeled footwear, Cecilia gathered her skirts and made her way over to the large door which was opened for her on approach. There stood a figure, broad shouldered with a lean tapering wait evident under the form fitting attire chosen for him. And by the gods, they had chosen well. She may be a paladin, immune to all number of things but she was still mortal. Caught off guard with lips slightly agape, her gaze dances over the dashing male before her and lingers overly long. As he turned his golden-flecked blue eyes upon her, Cecilia's porcelain cheeks flush a warm crimson and she dipped into the practised curtsey of her station. "Eldarian." she murmured fondly, slightly breathless as she took the offered arm. Despite all the horrors they had endured to date, it was he who was able to coax out her softer, feminine nature.

"You look beautiful, Cecilia." came the reply from beneath the handsome black mask which covered most of the Dawnknight's angular features save for his smiling lips and clean-shaven jaw. Already at the cusp of eve, it had been a full day since the two had shared company. Given the warmth of her smile and the relaxing of her petite shoulders, it wasn't hard to surmise that Cecilia found comfort in Eldarian's presence and words. It had been a long day for the paladin, the traditional restraint she had shown was one she had been bred into yet parted from several months back.

She knew how to play the game, even if she did not enjoy it. Ironic, that such events partook of the use of masks as if giving a physical representation of the human condition. A game of polite smiles, of carefully chosen words, subtle flirts and poisonous intrigue. Snide comments, half-truths. It could be said that Cecilia had gotten used to being around paladins, honest and open that she had forgotten the game. The careful calculations a snake uses in the choice of attire, the brushing of one’s fingers upon another’s arm, the polite sabotage that occurs to make competition seem unfit - all of which was hidden behind masks of neutrality. As a girl, she had never understood these things, though they were attempted to be taught. Always greet with a smile, be seen and not heard unless the words uttered are a contribution. Gone were the shyer days of her youth. Now older and wiser, she began understand it. Recognise it. Yet she remained resigned to it all the same. True, the Al'maire's themselves were not nobles as of yet though the part certainly fit them well and without doubt many of the attendants would be in high social standing. Just how much of her own history would be echoed in the halls tonight?

Upon the couple's all-too-soon arrival the doors to the grand ballroom swung open to the sound of string instruments dancing a melody on a merry, very formal occasion. Laughter faded in and out over the rise and fall of the excitement. Cecilia's blue eyes dipped and danced over the display in awe, grasping a little more tightly onto the arm of her lover. To the couple's surprise this was not the small gathering they had expected, despite the lavishness of their attire. The marble floor was crowded, serving staff weaving between numerous patrons with orderves as they exchanged small talk and gossip. The aroma of a larger buffet down the hall beckoned with imaginary tendrils promising a gourmet selection; fanciful drapes and ornamentation decorating the walls and high ceiling amidst the crystal chandeliers. Gowns and masks of every colour created an ever-changing sea of luxury, waves of personal taste and flair cresting and breaking as each sought to outdo the other.

"Master Eldarian Al'maire, escorting the Lady Cecilia Lafayette." announced the booming voice of the herald at their side, the older man's sudden presence drawing Cecilia from her thoughts with a short start. Eldarian smiled down at the smaller woman with warm expression in his eyes before turning his attention to the crowded room before them. A bow and curtsey is given with opposite hands, all smiles as the couple take their steps along the red carpet toward marble dance floor as expected. As the previous melody draws to a close, another takes flight in it's place. A waltz. The feathers of the younger woman's exquisite mask bristled and she dipped in curtsey once more, the resplendent cloak of her male partner draping slightly over shoulder as he bowed. Under the watchful, judgemental gaze of the Al'maire family and attending guests, Eldarian's gloved hand finds it's way to her waist. The two paladin's hands entwine, chest to chest in close proximity as others take their places on the dance floor.

That first step throws Cecilia into a world of past, present and future. Layers of red skirts swish around her ankles, golden hair swaying with each turn and swirl. For all her clumsiness in chasing rats and pigs, Cecilia could only be described as graceful when it came to the art of performance. Despite this, the paladin's heart beat rapidly praying to the Just God that she would not make a fool of herself. Especially now. Whether it was divine intervention, or more likely years of practice, each step was perfectly placed and it wasn't long until a radiant smile played upon her exposed lips. The two of them spun and twirled in their extravagance, the back and forth of their chemistry igniting sparks as they danced. All too soon, the world around them seemed to slow and still as Cecilia was lowered into the finishing dip. Lifting her gloved fingers to brush over the Dawnknight's neck, she swallows and draws in a sharp breath. Their lips move closer. . . ever closer. . . and suddenly a rush of cool air; they're back in the present, broken from their tender moment with the start of a new song and the realisation of location.

Dragged in opposite directions by those wishing to share a dance, Cecilia's fingers curl longingly after Eldarian as the distance between them grows; snatched away by a dark-haired beauty and she herself paired with an auburn haired young man. "Don't go. . ." she murmurs, barely a whisper quickly overwhelmed by the surrounding atmosphere. With a quick glance in the direction of the Al'maire's, she notes the approval on their features as Eldarian's new partner is chosen. Little time is given to ponder as the dancing resumes, however. Forcing a smile and an easy laugh, Cecilia chatters away with her own partner as they dance. He is soon switched out with another, and another after that - each of them wishing to dance with the foreign Cormyrean beauty. It was a situation she was used to, yet the opposite side of that same coin.

Though her partners were numerous and quite delightful throughout the eve, her attention wavered and often drifted in the direction of the golden-haired Dawnknight whom shared only but a few. The dark-haired woman, dressed in a shimmering golden gown had stayed by his side for much of the eve and the two seemingly conversed easily over the hours that passed. Beneath her own mask and engaging conversations, Cecilia could not help but feel slightly alone in these moments - left to the company of strangers in a city not her own despite the expectancy and unintentional witness of such acts she had been privy to already.

Regardless, the evening continued in it's extravagant cheer and was truly a joyous event. Some of the locals warmed to the Tyrran's presence, and she to theirs. The night was not without the game of masks, however. The blonde shared stories of her homeland and the Sword Coast, careful to choose those devoid of armor and blade. Though she could feel the eyes of the patriarch and his wife on her occasionally, watching her every move she smiled evenly, daintily partook of offered edibles, laughed as appropriate and complimented as expected. Between the eating, dancing and conversation, however, Cecilia's much smaller form and subtle gestures from across the room went unnoticed in her attempts to see the final dance shared with her courtship. After many hours pass the strike of midnight, when make-up had began to lose it's luster and curled hairdos had began to drop, the final dances were had and the masquerade began to wind down. As the crowd began to dissipate with thank yous and farewells, the Lady Paladin made her way to the much less crowded fountain benches.

There was a small measure of irony found in Cecilia's thoughts as physical masks were removed and replaced with those less identifiable; metaphorical. It was a topic that she and the Ilmateri priest, Ameris, had talked about often before given their ancestry. "Perhaps it is during circumstances in which masks are worn, that those of noble birth are most unmasked . ." the paladin muses to herself, well into the early hours of the morning as she is wrapped in the cloak of the approaching Eldarian.

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[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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The Vulnerability of Silken Gowns

3rd eve of Flamerule, 1350
The Cloud Chaser, At Sea
Evelyn. The golden-dressed beauty from the ball, her features unmasked; seemingly crafted by Sune herself. Emerald eyes that make the brightest sapphire's seem dull. Dark hair, rich of hue and life. She was a vision, and it had not gone unnoticed by the younger woman. The paladin pulled slender fingers through her own blonde tresses, feeling much like a beetle in the presence of a solar as she looked down at herself in comparison. So used to the encasing of steel, the discipline and protection armor provided, the young paladin felt almost vulnerable now as she sat in a silken blue gown, ruffled and cut at knee length.

Shifting uncomfortably in the plush upholstery of the Al'maire furniture, Cecilia proceeded to watch on with expected politeness as her lover presented the other woman with a gift. With both sets of family present, the joyous approval of future romantic relations was thick in the atmosphere as embraces were shared. Were there not a definition for 'third wheel' prior to that moment, the term had certainly found foundation in those moments. What seemed like a refreshing breeze to those present was but molten iron in her own lungs, threatening to cut off her ability to breath altogether as the Dawnknight's gaze locked with hers from across the room.

Much like a porcelain doll, her features remained perfectly sculpted in an expression of pleasantry and politeness at the following kiss of the cheek; save for the faint crack when her lips curled in a genuine smile as their eyes met. She understood, of course. Had known for a length of time it were a matter of duty, one that could only be achieved with the highest of standards. Responsibility. Even knowing this, it did not make things easy for the paladin whom loved the young man in question.

The thought that Eldarian was likely expected to wed such a beauty with more than enough riches to please all aspects of his families desires, tied her stomach in knots. Evelyn was everything she was not, and even Cecilia had to admit they were an attractive and well suited couple. Local nobility. Yet she smiled, she laughed and remained submissively quiet even as Evelyn was invited to the theatre, taking her place upon Eldarian's arm and by his side. With the stern gaze of the Patriarch on her, Cecilia couldn't help but feel as though he was almost willing her to make a scene; to give them reason to deny their son further and set him on the course he was destined to follow. Irony was not lost on the theme of the performance - the tale of a Dawnknight and a Blackguard whom fall in love.

"You're the only one for me, Cecilia." Eldarian murmured with glasses of wine in hand, the young couple finding solace in shared together on the privacy of the balcony. The blonde's rosen lips curled in a warm smile as her fingers snaked across the exposed flesh of his V-lined tunic to his cheek. Regardless of disapproval, she knew he cared for her and she for him. The sweet nothings were well received as they gazed out over the ocean, yet one lingering thought flittered about the Tyrran's mind throughout the remainder of their visit. A stubborn splinter that did not question loyalty, but duty. Would her devotion, her love, be enough in the years to come. . . or were they doomed to expiry in the name of tradition?

During the final days of their visit, the light-heartedness of the activities returned with further tours and introductions, stolen moments of bliss and a genuine joy as Cecilia was introduced to the world into which Eldarian had been brought. She watched on fondly as he donned golden armor and sparred with brothers of the Spires of the Morning, laughed amusedly at his enthusiasm and rattled off numerous questions. The temple, which seemed more of a resplendent cathedral, warmed her to her very soul in ways she could not begin to put into words.

Alas, as the sun set in the eve of the tendays end so too did the couple's time in Waterdeep. Much to the delight of the crew for varying reasons, Eldarian and Cecilia were welcomed The Cloud Chaser at the farewell of numerous maids, servants, friends and family - of whom had finally shown the Cormyrean some warmth along with a desire to see them both return soon.

The breaking of waves against the wooden hull of the ship en route to Baldur's Gate, combined with the calming orange and pink hues of the sunset as the two embraced eventually lulled the blonde into a peaceful sleep in the arms of the Dawnknight. Having overcome the most poignant of trials in courtship that others might only read about in tales Cecilia was confident in her determination that whatever the future would bring, whatever challenges laid ahead; they too, would be shattered in both unity and faith.

[[May need a little touching up. Back-dated from July, please bear with me as I work through older entries in this coming week.]]
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[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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Hidennka
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Re: Moments of Contemplation [Cecilia Lafayette]

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One year later....
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Metamorphosis

7th eve of Elesias, 1351
The Dauntless, At Sea
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Cecilia Lafayette was not perfect. She was flawed and it was known. As a mortal woman, she had made countless mistakes in her time and was bound to make more before her time ended. Such was the blessing and curse of life; experience. There was no denying that the knight held onto many regrets, personal and professional, that weighed on she like the mantle of fur that now hung from her shoulders. Tears had been shed on more than one occasion, curses uttered in helpless unknown. Yet for every mistake that she had made, Cecilia had owned up to each and every one of them and paid the price; save for those that now saw her return to a place once called home and thought to be long at armored back.

From atop the wooden expanse of the open deck at sea, a brisk ocean wind whipped and tugged at long blonde strands of hair that framed sapphire eyes bright with the vigor of life and wisdom. Gone was the easily flustered, emotional girl whom had left the shores of Baldur's Gate; returning was a woman. A woman who knew what she wanted, and how she wanted it. A woman in control of her own future; destiny cradled in Lathander's hand. Unease was replaced with brimming confidence, bitterness with desire, naïveté with keen perception, patience and understanding. What once was, was no more. There was only tomorrow; there was her task, and there was life.

In her time on the Sword Coast, Cecilia had loved and lost her beloved friend. She had been tortured at the hands of Zhentarim, seen brother and lover perish, and killed her former mentor exposed as traitor. She had exorcised demons, banished fiends, aided Ilmateri deva, been knighted by Order of the Radiant Heart and exiled men at the behest of the Dukes. Yet a mere year into her paladinhood, vows unbroken, faith had wavered in the wake of unexpected horrors and she had suffered for it; more than anyone could ever know. Even after such, she had dared to salve a broken heart with new companionship that met swift end in it's budding stages due to the sailor's disappearance. So it was that past months leading into year had seen the Cormyrean, noble turned middle-class in the wake of political scandal, return to homeland of which she had sworn fealty. Military training under knighted banner had been harsh and grueling, disciplined in a way she had not experienced in lieu of self-taught training regiment.

From the stained oak of ship banister, leather-clad fingers lifted to the scar that now laid claim to leftmost portion of porcelain upper lip, a reminder of penance. Punishment had purged doubt from she; soul laid bare, absolution sought and given in the The Hall of High Justice where vows had first been taken. Where girl had once run from heritage, from responsibility and even from her own faith; woman had proudly taken unvarnished penalty long overdue. It was only then, that true calling could be and had been sought at Morningmist Hall.

Toying with the black pearl charm upon double looped bracelet, Cecilia turned cerulean gaze from the lapping union of ship and sea, to the horizon and approaching lineament of Baldur's Gate. There was much that remained to atone for, and more still that was desired by she. Her return to paladinhood would not be an easy one, but she was willing to seek the path anew. Every step would be one step closer to success.

Nothing would stand in her way. She was ready.
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[x] Lady Cecilia Lafayette: Harbinger of Hope, returned to Cormyr. RETIRED.
[x] Leyla El'uvian- Feral elf, abandoned society for a loving den in the woods. Alt. RETIRED.
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