Baldur's Gate : The Sword Coast Chronicles : NWN2 Persistent World

Day 2

I am going to dance, like she wants me to, I cannot go where I need to yet but this cave will do, I will leave my journal and things there and dance free, naked.

I will learn this so ... ( The rest of the page is illegible, covered in blood)

Went to the market, bought some things for Ssinyrr, bought two journals, because I know that something will happen to this one.
So many things passed, time's wasting, I have been lagging a bit in gold making recently, too many things on my mind. Trying to take these things off it don't work as well as I would want to, I hear one thing but I see the opposite, things change and not always for the best, peraphs maybe too late, seven times already, destined to be blinded and deafened, ignorant and simple.

Together the stars tremble as I fall again into the night sky, so close but also too far, to even see, or listen, just a shadow who watches, doubt stalks from the shadow and question every single word annd action, a foundation of fear, which crushes all that was left into fine dust, lifted and spread by the wind, taken apart piece by piece into a fraction of what truly is and was, deformed, perished and forgotten, at the tomb, surrounded by the dead, into the grave absorbed to go back to the place that started it all, just like the never ending cycle, another one like those.

I know how it went wrong, slowly, a creeping mistake, crawling at the back of my head at all times, taunting me and destroying me, until nothing else and the drow becomes singleminded and fragmented.

It all happened, scarred and deformed, a dead man walking, like always shown a better way that I cannot walk, freedom, this word, it keeps taunting me, there is no freedom for me, I am a prisoner of my own thoughts and the world, I was close, close to be free, something to never speak of, it's hard and it hurts, peraphs I should not dwell on it, yet I do, decomposing still, rotten to the core with no answer.

What do you think will happen later then? The offers are good and it provides the danger I seek, why bother with the silence and the wait, when it can be me, who leads his own life, tired of sitting and drinking, tired of it all, perplexed, I won't let Fate be my cruel master, my coin must land sideways, no matter how many times I have to throw it in the air again, I refuse to play the hand dealt, and I refuse to play at all, when the deck was rigged from the start, no point in playing stupid, it is now or never when things need to change, for the best.

Wasting time again, these journals have been nothing but grief and a waste of time, but a part of me enjoys it, still it is funny that not even to this piece of paper I would dare to say it all, running away, only for a couple of days, I am no longer tied to lies and mind control...or am I?

Got to find out by myself, alone.

What am I supposed to do
If I want to talk about peace and understanding
But you only understand the language of the sword
What if I want to make you understand that the path you chose leads to downfall
But you only understand the language of the sword
What if I want to tell you to leave me and my beloved ones in peace
But you only understand the language of the sword
I let the blade do the talking
So my tongue shall become iron
And my words the mighty roar of war
Revealing my divine anger's arrow shall strike
All action for the good of all
I see my reflection in your eyes
But my new age has just begun
The sword is soft
In the fire of the furnace
It hungers to be hit
And wants to have a hundred sisters
In the coldest state of their existence
They may dance the maddest
In the morass of the red rain
Beloved brother enemy
I sing my sword song for you
The lullaby of obliteration
So I can wake up with a smile
And bliss in my heart
And bliss in my heart
And bliss in my heart

Coexistence, Conflict, combat
Devastation, regeneration, transformation
That is the best I can do for you
I see a grey gloom on the horizon
That promises a powerful sun to rise
To melt away all moons
It will make the old fires of purification of purification
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers
Look like dying embers

Last cycle we finally went to deliver the help to the surface, the path was hard, I felt very anxious during all the trip, always on the edge thinking that someone was following in on us. When we finally arrived to the Troll Claws, I was on edge..... A very big group, of drow, dark elves, on the surface, on a mission to help those who hate us, those who would destroy us and condemn those who help us and are our friends.

I was surprised that the surfacers kept their agreement, even after all the troubles that making an alliance with us can bring unto them, they did it, though it was probably because of how desperate these times are, I doubt they would have accepted our help in other circumstances.

After the 7th Circle kept their part of the deal, the weapons were loaded into the surfacers wagon, we walked through the Troll Claws fighting undead and devils until we reached the Fields of the Dead...The same place where my brother Quinn died and I went to rescue him.

We continued our travel until we reached the devilery point, we could not watch the weapons delivered but I am hoping that the deal went well.

After that we rested for a bit, I took my reverie and then I went out again, I met one of the jabresses who I been courting and took her in for a hunt... One of the Conclave guards at mistlake offered us a bounty to catch some rivvil who stole gems, we found the rivvil and challenged him to fair duel...He refused of course and led us to Ohgran ruins, where we disposed of him and his followers and recovered the gems...It was sad we had to resort to violence for this, but what is done is done, though I wish we could have solved this without having to kill them...

Bless her, I can really see again... So it is true, this means the Lady Silverhair can undo all the damage the spider has done to us, she is truly the savior of all drow... She , I wonder, where was she born? She looks like Eilistraee, beautiful, wise, kind .. but also brave, strong and powerful, she represents everything thay Eilistraee stands for, I am grateful...

I wonder why I ever got angry at her, why did I even wrote her the letter? It's done....I wonder if I fell in love with her because she looks like Eilistraee, maybe I see her in her person too much, maybe because she is truly faithful.

I have to fight this darkness inside me, and be strong, for her and the others.

I know she had a hand on our meeting, it just means that I have to trust her and encommend myself for the good of all drow, working hard together, with all our brothers and sisters, we can achieve great things.

May the Circle never be broken
May the Sword ever be swung
May the Song ever be sung
May the Dance ever be taken

Blue jalils come in every size
Some are wise and some otherwise
They got pretty blue eyes
For an hour a jaluk may change
For an hour her face looks strange
Looks strange, looks strange

Marching to the promised land
Where the honey flows and takes you by the hand
Pulls you down on your knees
While you're down a pool appears
The face in the water looks up
And she shakes her head as if to say
That it's the last time you'll look like today

Sail away, away
Ripples never come back
Gone to the other side
Sail away, sail away

The face that launched a thousand bolts
Is sinking fast, that happens you know
The water gets below
Seems not very long ago
Lovelier she was than any that I know

Angels never know it's time
To close the book and gracefully decline
The song has found a tale
My, what a jealous pool she is
The face in the water looks up
She shakes her head as if to say
That the blue girls have all gone away

Sail away, away
Ripples never come back
They've gone to the other side
Look into the pool
Ripples never come back
Dive to the bottom and go to the top
To see where they have gone
Oh, they've gone to the other side

The toll has been taken
My service fulfilled and paid
No looking back now.

Only place for truth in my heart.
Strength above all.
Duty and faith.

The key, and a shortlived flame.
Burning out, no longer.

There's a child, living inside of me, it kicks and cries, sometimes his tears come through my eyes.
Fading fears get replaced by blooming new dread everyday.

There's a killer, inside of me, I feel him moving inside.
Right now he sleeps quietly, but sometimes he rises and he looks through my eyes.

He talks in my voice and stabs my heart.

I went and let him take over, my jealousy , revenge and frustration.

"Take back what they took from you, Erelolin" The voice said...
"Kill kill kill kill kill kill"

Inside of me, yes the killer lives.

"Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed. Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed. Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed. Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed.Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed.Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed.Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed.Corrupt yourself and face to bloodshed."


I killed the angels living inside of me, I no longer feel them smile.
There is one, but weeping.
My prayers not answered, Eilistraee cried too.

Can the lone angel's love heal my heart?

They all watch me as I fall, I don't know if I will be caught this time.

How can I be free? Am I really me?

Sometimes I live inside of me too, for a split second, then I am gone again.
The child screams are too loud and they drown my voice.
The killer whispers are deep in my ear and I can't focus.
I have no face.

I am just a drow, and also a killer and a child.
The angels left.

A refugee of myself, from myself and to myself, there is no forgiveness, like the dust, I accepted death, whoever may take my life, shall free me.
My killer, my saviour, where are you?