[ONEHUNDRED AND SEVENTIETH ENTRY]
Practice. Practice makes that which is difficult easier when need makes it a requirement. Mend first, protect second, defend last… Never strike first. Seldom in those early days of freedom was I required to defend myself. A slave need not raise a hand… those that do die. A servant of Mercy works with open hand… It is difficult to accept that I must raise closed fist, to survive that I may complete my duty, but a dead saint cannot do the work a Living Saint is called to do. While Billy is safe, Dianne is safe, they rest in the Arms of Mercy, my oath fulfilled. The Shadow still walks. I will not make the deaths of so many worthless by my own death. Bhaal will not have that which is Mercy’s to hold. The greatest of battles won at dire cost. The war is over? Maybe…but his game continues, and I will not fail them. Slowly, what needs must will become less difficult. It is not a guarantee of victory, but it increases the chances much. He proves a point. They will not fight fairly. I must be prepared for such. So we practice. I imagine soon enough I won’t wake with stiff muscles at least.
~~
Well the Elven meeting was … fascinating. I prepared for another evening of Elven politics… that is, I intended to rest peacefully, and allow my mind to wander. With Rith’s eyes to watch, and the blades of many I could trust, close at hand, it was easy to let my thoughts walk where they would. Jonas close at hand, bond of a brother, oath of a guardian… it is in this rare company that I feel somewhat safe. A gentle rain came and went and returned over the course of the meeting. I had found a patch of ground covered in soft moss, and shielded from the breezes by lilac and honeysuckle, lavender and magnolia nearby made for a comforting aroma. I took out my embroidery and I stitched quietly.
The approach of a cadre of guards and two merchants soon had the whole place rattled. A merchantman and his nephew from the Merchant League and their guards. The elder was a businessman through and through. He carried a seasoned air of propriety and high standards. His nephew… well… he was a young and impetuous sort and from the way his eyes flitted from woman to woman, he was also trouble enough in his own right. It lent some color to the otherwise dry politics of the evening as banters and veiled words danced from one side to the other. It was graceful really.
It was this grace that captivated my attention as I embroidered a blue bird in a willow tree. A pillow I suppose, maybe for Tessian if he ever returns to me. A Meri-bird. Gods, I miss him… Focus… do not let your thoughts wander too far lest you forget something important…
The banter continued between Elves and Merchants, the guards on either side constantly watchful. It was the guardsmen’s captain that had caught Jonas’ interest. I too caught his odd mannerism. He considered removing his helm until his eyes rest on Jonas and I… The unsettling sense that there was more to this guard captain lingered as the meeting continued.
They talked of trade and contracts and credit… barter and supply, who can do what… a mild match of egos and the like. As they talked I murmured questions to Jonas. He understood well what was going on, and this was good for the Elves. Jonas would explain and we would listen to the dealings. I was reminded how fortunate I am that my own titles and status do not mean I must dance in politics… that is one dance I pray I needn’t learn. I don’t know how Jonas and the others can stomach it really.
Much to our surprise by the end of the meeting, we learn we had been entertaining the richest man in Baldur’s Gate. I can now say I have seen, in passing, half the cities chief leaders. He laughed at his successful ruse, and the surprise on the faces of many. The mannerism seen but not readily recognized in the -guard- was that noble air. When he departed, he bid Jonas with him. Again I was grateful I needn’t dabble in politics. The Duke left the Elves with an enchanted boat. A large toy model that floated and moved through some wizard’s machinations. It was a grand thing. Similar to those that had been seen about the city. Seems this nobleman may not be so bad. He has an appreciation for the child at heart, and for a good practical joke. A rare quality in those of higher station, a sense of humor that is not twisted cruelly.
Wthyran called together the Elves sternly to discuss more private matters and bid the Non-Elven among them away. Jonas and the Duke stood talking on the far side of the bridge, so Ivaris and I remained out of earshot of the Elves and respectfully out earshot of Jonas and the Duke. Soon though the Duke and his army of guards departed, and Jonas returned.
~~
[A sketch of a medium sized bear, several smaller ones and several smiling faces of children has been folded neatly within the pages. The only color is the red-ribboned bows around the bears’ necks and the eyes of the children. It is titled simply: Treasured Mercies]
Jonas and I were summoned to talk security measures and safety for the Masquerade the next day. We were told to go to the theater. A miscommunication it seems, or perhaps it was a fated mistake? We were not expected at the theater, but at Candlekeep, though we never made it that far… Selis was rather surprised to see us there. What came next left her… and me for that matter… rather surprised.
However, seeing both Selis and Jonas’ hearts set, I did the only thing I could do. I offered my wisdom and my aid. I bid them patient and calm… told them what I was able and left it at that. Time will reveal what is to come of it all. Some would claim it a chance meeting… some would claim it fate… either way, they stood at a crossroads back to back, they chose… and now they walk. I pray they take care where they place their steps on the tricky path ahead.
The conversation eventually turned to the Masquerade upcoming. Which lead my thoughts to something they have been fond of teasing me about for several days now. Apparently when we met the druidess the other day, the one who shifted herself into a miniature bear, I let my thoughts escape me. Apparently Jonas and Selis also heard it. So there was a crate… decent sized but not very heavy at all. The curiosity was to be nearly my undoing.
The contents of the box stirred such joy from my heart… and again that faint memory of something lost… Inside was a bear, a finely made one of soft fur and stuffed just so. His glass eyes seemed to smile, and his deep red bow was of fine silk. Beneath him, I counted thirty-three smaller ones. One for each child of equal quality. I indulged in a moment of child-like joy that Selis and Jonas both relished in.
It is hard to explain… a teddy bear… the significance of it. Seeing that miniature bear stirred something deep in my heart and from the back of my mind… something I could not really understand. It was something treasured. A moment of joy that lingered in long since forgotten thoughts. A light in a shadowed place… Was it a memory of sorts? Something, some small thing in those days lost to me? Perhaps. The happiness it drew from me was a sort of happiness I was unfamiliar with. I treasured it all the same. Jonas promised to see the crate delivered to the temple.
I then tucked the bear under my arm and trotted from the theater like a happy child. Kaden walked me to the Elven camp to see Siomir. I had a challenge to answer to after all. Kaden and I talked of the weave a time, and I arrived safely at the camp. Rith had her own toy to play with, it seems the Duke left the young Elven woman with a boat of her own… she was cheerfully being the captain of her own boat… and threatening to kill a bard with the cannons… sort of. This bard wasn’t drawing her usual ire. In fact she seemed to think he was an imposter. I joyously showed off my own toy, and placed him as lookout in the crow’s nest.
Jonas joined us later, and we then proceeded with some more practice. I must learn not to hesitate. There is a time for defense and a time for mercy. The point of the exercise was for me to call my protective prayer under blade or run. I struggled to focus and face Siomir objectively at the same time. I was losing the match as he bid me run, and I hesitated. The next lesson was again in not hesitating. And in recovering strategy when the enemy cheats. Always think… Instinct is to mend and to protect… Defense must also become instinct. I learn much in these sparring sessions. Given time perhaps it can offer peace of mind to those who seek to protect me. Especially to Jonas. Maybe some day there will be no need for such worries. Shadows -will- pass.
I made my way back to the temple, pleasantly exhausted as Siomir went to -kidnap- Joan for some quality time. All in all, it was a fine few days I think. I should rest though. The Masquerade is tomorrow, and Jonas has threatened to introduce me to the Dukes if they attend. I have a few more feathers to sew in. I will also attach some of the finer feathers to my hair pins to add some blue to my normally red plumage. Ah this will be grand. The whole city looks forward to it.
~~
What a grand day! What grand finery. There was laughter and so much more. Jonas went dressed as Valerius, Rith a mysterious thing who could have passed for a goddess… with or without costume. Siomir stole Joan’s armor for the day. It is a good thing that Elves are slight. Aethor went as Jonas and I, in a sequined ball gown I made and adorned with feathers, as a blue bird. I would have gone as a peacock but could not find enough turquoise and greens, so blue it was.
The lady Duke, Duchess rather… I am not sure actually… one of the four I had heard of but had not seen, Liia Jannath as well as Duke Belt. I know now the faces of all four who run the city I call home. She seems a fine lady indeed, and very fond of the arts. Her companion was mostly quiet. Still, even they were enthralled as the evening wore on.
The performers were marvelous. So true to their characters as they mingled in the crowd and we watched -performers- take the stage, meanwhile the play itself happened under our noses. It was so real… some tried to break up the fighting, some event thought there was imminent danger. Grand that must have been for the troupe! To be so well acted that it seemed so real.
There was wine and dancing, appetizers and what not. The actors spun their delicate tale until at last the stage was engulfed in blackness. Some panicked thinking we actually under attack. Having heard stories from the nobles during my earlier years, I knew better. Though it was amazingly realistic. It was then announced, the title of the performance. The audience was asked to puzzle out the murderer based on the performances given both on and off the stage.
It was a grand mystery, a twisted web of plots and loves forbidden and betrayed. I was content to quietly observe and allow others the more interactive approach. As facts to the -crime- was revealed, I changed my mind several times. Eventually though, the -murderer- was revealed with the intricacies of the plot exposed. One last grand song, with all the performers on stage, and it was brought to a spectacular ending. The performers received a standing ovation and a great roar of applause from the crowd. All dressed in fine costume and grand dress, whirls of color and hidden faces.
The whole thing was absolutely marvelously done. There was to be an after-party of sort, but I needed to get back to the temple and tend the children and my other duties. Not before Siomir stole my decorative hair pins that happened to be keeping my unruly mess of curls in a neat bun. What is with he, and Joan and Selah and of course Jonas and all of them? Don’t they see how much more practical it is for my hair to remain up and out of the way? As if I haven’t enough trouble with fawning suitors on my heels.
I am engaged after all. Iliara and Dracius are now staying to help with the children, but will have to return to Trademeet come morning. Donations of time and resources pour into the temple, and make their care easier. So I imagine we will manage without them. Still, I will miss them dearly again. Iliara has promised to return as soon as business is dealt with. She did mean it when she said that she would wait for the wedding…
‘…are you willing to wait?’
I had posed that question and now it was being asked of me… Yes. I would wait. I would walk whatever path I must to see the end of this. I hate waiting… but wait I will as patiently as my heart will allow. I will not surrender him to them. I have promised him that much, and regardless of what comes to pass… he will always hold my heart. If I could just find him and determine what I must do. I should have never walked away from him. Mercy forgive me… I should have never let him from my sight. But I was not strong enough to stand and hear his words, though they were not his own. I know it in my heart. Our paths will cross again… if he continues to seek -her- and blame me for her disappearance… We will cross in his frustration, and I pray strength, and the means to do as needs must to save him from -her- and from himself. Mercy find him. Mercy keep him well in my stead… Please… you know what I ask, whether it be my right to ask it or not… I ask… Ilmater forgive me… Help me be strong… ho help me… I love him.
‘Mercy Endures, faith is strength, Hope holds for love that waits, all things in time.'
~~
