Op’s Adventures in Another Land - Through his Red Rimmed Glasses
by Cyrah Ru’othro
Within a small meadow there lay a small elf with a face that may well have been bashed on a shelf.
His eyes were surrounded with glasses in red and his skin had the pallor of someone quite dead.
He hummed to himself as he plotted his day. Would he find adventure? Well, who could quite say?
“Perhaps I shall have cherry pie” he thought.
He did like having sweets much better than not.
In the midst of his ponderings came quite a scuffle.
In the bush a black hare did scamper and snuffle.
“Oi oi!” it cried out, much to Op’s surprise. “I shall miss me whole contract upon the sun’s rise! I must surely be swift and be quick in the knees. I cannot simply be late whenever I please.”
And so off it dashed into a thick bramble where Op followed suit with a grunt and a scramble.
He dove beneath thorns and sharp pointed twigs. They snagged at his skirt and his tangled dyed wig.
Then suddenly giving, the earth ripped asunder, the land opened up and Op tumbled under.
He fell for an hour and then hit the floor. It hurt just a bit, but he had expected more.
He flopped all his limbs and he rose to his feet and he found he was in a library quite neat.
He marveled and gawked at a leather bound tome, its scent like the people he sniffed back at home.
But then as his gaze wandered over the room, he thought to himself, “I should leave this place soon.”
He searched until something had caught his red eyes. It was a door only one eighth of his size.
“No matter,” he thought, “I am a skilled wizard. I shall shrink myself down to the size of a gizzard, and then I can strut through and see where I am.” and he grinned as he slapped his thigh like a fresh ham.
So Op set to casting but found his spell failed. “Oh no, I am trapped!” the desperate elf wailed.
However, he spotted an item nearby. He felt it was magical and something to try.
He stepped up to a table and then did behold a miniature bottle all covered in gold.
And tied to its neck was a note wrapped up well. It read, “DEVOUR MY INSIDES! FREE ME FROM THESE HELLS!”
Op was quite startled, but gave a small shrug. He opened the bottle and started to chug.
And with a bright flash and a dizzying motion, his head smashed through the ceiling as he was grown by the potion.
He found he was standing within a large garden. A squirrel chirped in protest. Op said, “Beg your pardon.”
And so off Op went to explore this strange place. He stepped with a wiggling demonstrative grace.
Then upon a large table Op found he had stumbled. “How curious now.” the pointy eared mumbled.
Seated before him were odd figures three: a hamster, raccoon, and a great talking tree.
“Oh darhling, you’re late!” cried the scraggly Raccoon as she munched on some trash like a famished baboon. “Do come take a seat, meet my colleagues and friends. At this table the hour for dessert never ends.”
And surely enough on the table were laid many cupcakes and tarts and a bowl full of glaze.
“My weakness,” squeaked Op as he trembled with glee, “and you will just share all of these goodies with me?”
Then before they could answer, without much control, Op ate all the cupcakes until he was full.
In shock said Raccoon, “Darhling, I do not think-“interrupted by Tree, “So shut up then. Let’s drink.”
“But we have us no drinks!” squealed the hamster in rage. What ensued was a squabble to best any age.
But Op, having eaten, felt no need to remain. He set off exploring this strange world again.
And soon he approached a small house in a tree. He wondered what manner of place this might be.
“Hoo hoo!” called an owl, “Do you plan to go in?” Its beak warped and stretched in a menacing grin.
“I do.” replied Op with a nod and a sigh. “I simply must find a way to climb that high.”
The owl guffawed and with a slap of its knee, it said, “You should just fly in the air, Sir, like me!”
“But I cannot fly.” stated Op with a frown. With a smirk the old owl dropped onto the ground.
“Nonsense!” did it cry; then with a flutter and sniff, it kicked skinny Op off the side of a cliff.
He tumbled and squealed as he thought he might die. Down below someone commented, “So, pigs CAN fly!”
Op finally landed in a plushy red chair. Beside was a rat with a comb of green hair.
“What are you?” it asked as it snorted some beer. “I have never seen anything quite like you here.”
“Where am I?” asked Op as he glanced to and fro. He saw sofas and tables in a lamp’s dim blue glow.
“You are here.” said the rat as it snorted some wine. “I shall keep you forever and you shall be mine.”
“Oh no!” shrieked Op as he leaped from his seat. “I thank you most kindly, but I have to retreat! I have much to explore, so I must move on quickly…”
But the rat had just drowned due to snorting some whiskey.
Away ran dear Op, that strange noodle limbed rascal. He next came upon a large shimmering castle.
Within it he found a small dusty courtyard with a hag and a jester and fluffy haired bard.
“Greetings, Tramp!” cried the hag and with large gap-toothed grin. “This is my place, so come in! Do come in!”
Op smiled and he entered, much pleased by the greeting. “I hope I have not interrupted a meeting.”
“Nah!” howled the hag with a grunt and a spit. “This is my bard Hamsie and my husband Peach Pit!”
“I’m not your husband.” did the jester declare, before he watched Op with a vacant dead stare.
“Oh, please do not mind her.” smiled the bard with a wink. “She is harmless no matter what things she may think.”
Op nodded to that so the bard would continue. “I play music here and I make drinks off the menu. My name is not Hamsie and I find it not clever. I care not otherwise, so you call me whatever!”
Before Op could reply, the hag butted in, “I’ll introduce myself, Tramp! To forget is a sin!”
All eyes turned to her as she stood with a puff; she began to list titles with an out of breath huff.
“I am a great warrior and tailoress, see! I snatched up a giant to break on my knee! I swallowed a barrel of tar with the feathers. My breath will add moisture to all sorts of weathers! That’s why they call me the maiden of rain! I’m also the captain of moldy old grain! But most of all known, I am Queen of the Pentacles!”
“Nice to meet you.” said Op, “I’m the wizard of tentacles!”
“A wizard, you say? Can you cast me a spell?”
“I would, but the last I tried did not end well.”
“Never mind!” the hag said, and then gave a great sneeze. As she blew her nose something smelled oddly of cheese.
At this, Op decided to no longer stay. As he left, Jester whispered, “Please take me away.”
Soon the pointy legged Op reached the end of the road. He paused and was met by a fat horned blue toad.
“Yip yip!” it cried out, “It’s the end of the line! I’m Kippy the Toad and YOUR FLESH TASTES JUST FINE!”
Op yelped as the toad revealed rows of sharp teeth. He disliked that his skin was he soon to bequeath.
But before it attacked, he heard a loud crash, as the black hare from earlier leaped from the grass.
With a swish and a swipe, it chopped off the toad’s head. “Me contract is finished! Old Kippy is dead!”
Op stuttered and stammered, unsure what to do. The hare turned toward him and simply said, “Boo.”
Op sat up quite frantic and sweaty, head pounding. A small lantern near him served to be quite grounding.
With a trembling he saw that he was in his bed. It was all just a dream and no toadlings were dead.
He smiled and he laughed, “What silly things I have dreamed!” then he found Kippy’s head on his pillow and screamed.