Never Again Forget - Saint Merielle Silene

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTH ENTRY]

Fear can be useful. It can keep you alive. It can keep you moving when you would halt. It forces you to seek hope or succumb… It -can- be useful. More often than not it cripples you. Leaves you still when you should be running. Question not, the shadows, take heed not… to the whispers in the dark… For they will halt you. They will consume you… and in darkness you will wither and fade. This double edged sword… both blessing and bane… is as natural as breath, and nearly as vital… What keeps it in check? Faith? Will? Hope? Each in part… In truth it is a delicate balancing act. Walking along a shifting strand that bends and twists, threatening to tangle you up and damn you… And yet it is the only thing that stands between you and the unknown… To stop, is to fall.

But as the day unraveled, I did not know the threads I was walking upon were all that stood between me and the Abyss. There though… as much as the air I breathe… wrapped tightly about my thoughts and heart. It started, restless and without rest. Bentley had been recovering well. I was busy collecting my thoughts at the inn. Tomar arrived, and we spoke for a while. The toll he had suffered since a part of him went missing, was evident. Compounded by matters of the heart… I offered what comforts I could, but I fear the only true way to bring him peace is for his soul to be made whole again… only then can the rest of him be mended. In any case… it is something that will take time. Did I fear for them or of failing them? It urged me onward, to do the best I am able.

There was troubling news of Esarosa, and something I wished to look into very soon. I had offered the girl guidance and hope… but that was days past. Things had been so busy of late, I hadn’t seen her since. That was nearly two tenday ago. Tomar spoke of devils and of other troubling things. I would need to speak with her. Just as soon as was possible. If she continued her path, I feared little could be done to reclaim her from a past beyond her control. Fear again… Ever forward…

As Tomar and I finished, we were joined by a woman Tomar knew by name. He called her B. Beatrice? No… Beatrix. Masked and hooded. Darkly clad. But for as wary as I was of her… she was afraid. She moved to the other couch, and before she sat, lay her weapons in front of her, on the floor and just out of reach. A gesture of good will? Of peace… Much the way a lioness removes her teeth before sitting down with the mouse… For a moment the mouse feared that there were more lions, for the mouse had seen such crafty tricks… And the mouse had grown complacent… Recently was reminded there was cause for fear.

As the conversation wore on, it became evident that the mouse not only had nothing to fear of the lioness, but that the lioness shared a fear the mouse knew too well. That past mistakes would come to collect… and the cost would be unbearable. She wished redemption. A second chance… for the sake of a child. She wished to become something better than she was, wished to be able to stop running from jackals and vultures. She wished a second chance, to live, and care for the girl who had now taken her heart so. Above that, she wished to know that if she fell to the jackals at her heels, and the vultures laid waste to her bloodied legacy… that the girl could be kept safe and well cared for. The lioness wished the mouse to teach her to be gentle… And cautiously… the mouse agreed.

I made no false promises. Too many times had I stuck my neck out only to nearly lose my head. Too many times had I promised more than I should… To many times I had failed… or been betrayed. I would see what could be done. I would speak to those wiser in such things than I… I would help her make arrangements for the girl. I would do my best, but if she wished a second chance… she would have to work for it, she would have to endure the path. I prayed she could step carefully, that she could endure it, and with that, the lioness turned to go, the mouse reminding her to collect her fangs. After all… there were still the jackals to contend with.

When later I met up with Jonas, we were twin masks of will and worry, a matched pair, brother and sister. He was worried for Auriel. We spoke as we walked. She had grown angry for no apparent reason. Stormed from the orphanage not too long after he had taken her to see Inara very upset. Jonas thought he had done something to upset her. Or said something. I had seen her temper. I know they had falling outs in the past… but as I questioned him on it, he found the path of my thoughts, and his worry turned to anger at Kelorin.

Our thoughts and conversation carried us through the rest of the day, and then it was time to make our way to the Ironfaar clan hold. It was time to keep a promise. Time to return a favor. Jonas had spoken of this, and he had pledged Radiant Heart support. I too would offer my aid, for we owe a great deal to the Ironfaars. The aid they gave us during the siege was not something you put aside easily. Even for fear… which at the time, was a distant sensation on the periphery of my thoughts for the first time during the day.

We were joined by Taric and Tomar, several members of the Ironfaar clan, all of which I knew by face, but not by name, a bard, Siomir, of course who was thrilled at the prospect of killing Orc, and we gathered at the entrance of the stronghold. We spoke of Korgoth’s affliction, and it seemed that confronting these Orc was the best start… though what after that, no one was certain. So we checked our supplies and made our way to Baldur’s Gate.

The Seasprite had been chartered for this trip. Captain Deudermont, blessedly, did not bring up Ilmatari stowaways. The weather was comparatively nicer this trip. Though my worries were no less. There was fewer troubles, we could not have been blessed with a kinder path. We made grand time as the Caravel sped along the water‘s surface. Tomar was nervous about the ship at first, but quickly settled in. There was one dwarf who had trouble with his stomach. I had suspected it might be an issue, and kept a handy supply of stomach remedies… Ginger and peppermint and chamomile. The ever moving ocean was black as the night sky, dotted with reflections of stars and moon… and ever shifting. It parted and swirled around us as we swiftly sped to the volcanic island that was said to be home to the Orc that were the bane of the Ironfaar.

As we neared our destination, aware it had no natural port… landing would be difficult… There was however an opening into a cave system… I echoed Siomir’s sentiments about all ills being from caves such as these. The inky black of night was swallowed by the darker, more foreboding maw of the cave entrance. They could get us relatively close… then we would have to jump for it. So we readied. Prayers were offered, weapons checked. I counted bandages, and called sanctum. At the captain’s call, we jumped.

The water was not deep where we landed… the fighting however was… We had no sooner clambered into the mouth of the cave, and shook the salt water from our boots when the first waves of Orc hit. At first we managed well… but the fight kept going on and on… with every foot we gained, the enemies strength increased as our own waned. We were exhausted… and now there were demons among the Orcish ranks. The others were hard pressed to swing weapons or spells… I couldn’t channel a minor healing incantation if I had to…

‘Meri. . . I don't think we will make it through this without. . .some help. . . Pray to whatever god you believe in, friends. This darkness runs deeper than any of us ever thought…‘

And pray we did… breathless, battered, bloodied and spent… we prayed. And the Heavens answered. As we cut through abyssal servant and Orc alike, Jonas’ determined battle cry rang through the caves.

‘By the Triad! You will fall abominations!’

‘You do not stand alone in this fight!’

‘Who said that?’

‘An answered prayer, Jonas!’

Our spirits renewed by the flight of angles who now stood among us, we fought. The clamor of battle rang out around us. I stopped hearing more calls for aid from our allies, and fewer cries of pain, until at last, we had fought off the last of the Orcish and Demon hordes. The angels stood among us. Some spoke in their native tongue, and I could only pick out bits and pieces, but heard them bid us rest. And rest we did, gratefully. I tended wounded and fallen alike, and we recovered our strength… for what lay ahead promised to be dire. The angel spoke of a great evil nearby. Asked us to help them see it destroyed. We agreed.

‘We will do what we can to assist you... but victory is not guaranteed. The way is clear.’

With a wave of his mighty hand, a portal opened before us. Heat and the stench of sulfur wafted at us. We called wards and protections. Siomir smiled that odd smile he gets when the thought of facing demons crosses his mind. When we were ready we stepped through the portal, hosts of the heavens on our heels. In no uncertain terms… the place we found ourselves in would have turned the faintest of hearts. Screams of agony echoed oddly off the walls, the very place sought to consume all hope and light. Some sort of fire wreathed temple that permeated the senses with hate and despair.

Our steps echoed strangely. The room was dominated by a demon unlike anything I had ever seen, and his servants. Behind him, an alter that could only be described as most foul, and odd portals, which seemed to replenish the ranks of the demons as we began to fight. The fighting was fierce. The Solars began to pray and focus on the portals… but it didn’t take long for the demons to have us split. The large one bid the Ironfaars to die in no uncertain terms… and did the best they could to see it come to pass. The fighting was a blur. I lost track of many… and at some point found myself surrounded… and without sanctuary.

By the time I came to, and we got everyone on their feet, we were being congratulated by the angels. We were victorious. The alter destroyed. The demon destroyed. Korgoth should recover well. The angels commended us, and we offered humble thanks. At last they opened another portal for us, returning us to the temple of Torm. We were so exhausted, that we barely mustered good byes and the group went the ways they needed to. I could do little more than set Jonas’ arm… and were it not for Thedran, the dear… I don’t think we would have made it home.

Fear… it had sustained us as whispers in the dark sought to turn us from our task. And as I lay my head down to sleep… I feared what yet lurked. The calm before the storm… the moment to prepare before it breaks. Part of me feared what was to come. Part of me feared I would not be strong enough. Part of me feared I would fail many… as I have before. I feared the unknown… the uncertain… and I prayed… Mercy grant me your strength and keep your hand at my back… Steel my heart lest my fears are given too much sway. Keep moving… lest you get tangled in the threads that you balance upon… Sometimes, it is the only thing between you… and your doom. True as that is… at least in faith, you do not balance alone. Faith. It is strength. It is the difference between being frozen and trapped in your fear… and being moved by it.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTH ENTRY]
A VIPER IN THE GRASS PART ONE: A STROLL THROUGH MEADOWS

I need to gather my thoughts… into something better than these scribbled notes. So here goes… the last few days? Brother Dracius' wisdom about being wary of snakes hidden in the grass truly applies now.

It had been a day of resting and of conversation the morning after we had helped the dwarves. It had started well enough, and my duties were tended to swiftly. I had spoken to Esarosa, and offered what guidance I could… in fact I had done just that for many. The day had passed in a blur of conversations, on more topics than my exhausted mind could keep up with. At some point… there was several disagreements. Tomar… was not himself. Esa’s friends were upset that she was slain, by Tomar no less, for use of her infernally granted powers. This compounded the discord between he and Rith… which was brought to a head after a conversation… and made worse by Esa’s insistence to needle whether by intent or not… it isn’t helping matters. I should speak with her soon again. Try to mitigate this. In the mean time Rith has agreed to wait to be -very- angry with him, until he is at least made whole.

Tensions have been high and sleep has been too little for many of late. There are disagreements aplenty. Most of which can be resolved when hearts and tempers cool. These problems are compounded by the workings of Jonas’ twin, Kelorin. An insidious viper that has become an undercurrent to our thoughts. Inara is kept constantly warded, and I protect the others if it becomes too much of a strain…

“Meditate on all your failures, you mean.”

Did I mention he was a rude, insidious viper? We had been discussing that I needed to relax more, Ali offered to teach me to meditate. A skill I use frequently. My meadow of laughter… the place to escape my thoughts and find balance and peace, comfort when there is none.

“What would you know?”

"Plenty. Question is, what do -you- know? Just how deep have your failures been? Now you stand on the brink of ruining more souls, consigning them to the Abyss with the rest of your fallen friends."

"I have condemned none to the Abyss."

"Emrys. Jonas, soon enough, when I finally get done with him."

"He most certainly will not be. I'll see you dead first. Emrys… chose his path."

"Chose his path after you failed him miserably. Jonas will end up there. He has to! I have no other choice!"

After that… he fell silent though I taunted his desperation. So more of the puzzle unravels. He had promised Jonas’ soul to save his own, in exchange for his lofty power. I wondered if Jonas knew of this… He would seek his revenge later. As we laughed and spirits were high for a time, he decided it was a prime moment to show his ire.

"Laugh at this.”

My meadow… taken from my own thoughts, strewn with the bodies of all I hold dear to my heart, charred as the flower burned and withered under the lash of flame. I steeled myself.

"Viper. Keep your lies."

His only answer to my defiance was Inara’s cry from the other room. Jonas, for once, faster than I… He comforted her as she cried on his shoulder. I felt bad for not making sure she was well warded when Jonas and Ali put her to bed. But I did so quickly as Kelorin’s voice tore through my thoughts.

“I couldn’t resist showing her this…”

My mind was filled with the image of Auriel as a vampire, and of Jonas and the others who stood to halt her. She was in a state of frenzy, snarling and hissing at the others. I had, from what Jonas said… warded Inara just before he beheaded Auriel… but the damage was done. She took off the necklace that Auriel had given her and regarded Jonas fearfully almost… Because Daddy looked angry. Blamed it on nightmares, but it had upset her. Indeed the sight of that battle was frightening to see, more so for a young girl of Inara’s two years.

Emotions were taught… this was draining on Jonas. I could tell. It was draining on all of us. Somehow we would have to stop him. He sought to break us, to drive us apart, and yet everything Kelorin did served only to draw us together and strengthen our resolves.

The next day, he would strike at Alistaria. And would strike mercilessly. He caught her while she was out training… and his distractions nearly fell her. I was awakened from the place I had dozed… my desk while reading through these tattered pages… to Jonas holding a bloodied and badly shaken Alistaria. Kelorin had tried to break the bond, and she had fought him fiercely.

This left Jonas in a state to be sure… All it did was anger Alistaria… who had shown just how strong she truly was. Her love and loyalty was unbreakable. Indeed the couple had been through much. Kelorin had sought to unnerve her with images of the relationships that Jonas had sought to fill the void left by the first separation… and he failed. She was adamant when she said that she and Jonas shared something that no other woman could touch, and was right.

Once the couple was calmed… Mother and father spoke to dear sweet daughter. The damage caused by Kelorin’s meddling was mended. Once all was settled, everyone sought rest. I found myself restless again. Some tea and some cleaning. I think I took a bit of a nap at the time. Mostly my thoughts traveled the past.

As I stitched together Ali’s wedding gown, I let my mind wander, not over my failings, as I had been… but over my successes. There were many. It had garnered me many close allies, and many dearer friends… even family. I had faced gods and the Hells. I had walked the Abyss on more than one occasion. I had survived and endured more than any should have to, and still stood stronger for it. I had made mistakes… but I was mortal. I was human. I was granted title by my church. The very church that at one point had called me blasphemous. Now they called me Saint. The rifts of the past were mended and bridged.

Jonas was right. I had done a lot of good. Though I might never feel I had done -enough-… all I could do was learn from my mistakes. I had a lot to learn, yes… but that I remained willing to learn, was the start of it. Much as I would like to not admit it. I cannot spare all from fates they choose. My place was to lead and to guide, not to walk it for them… not to choose for them.

The remainder of the time between the battle for the Ironfaars that leads to the event which has me sitting here and writing in the first place, was filled with my duty and discussions on various problems and rest. Among them, a discussion on learning to control my anger, rather than bottle it and fear loosing it. Siomir made some valid points though, and I respect his wisdom. Better to control it than to lead to another mistake like Bentley… where the truth is shrouded in fury. We nearly arrived too late for Bentley… I prayed we could find Gallena and soon. I had many prayers of late… and looking back on today… Not enough of the right ones.

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTH ENTRY]
A VIPER IN THE GRASS PART TWO: SNAKE BITE

I had sat at the temple yesterday, and written a missive to Damara, warning them that we would possibly again need the aid of the Triad and of the faithful. I passed along what little information that I did have on what had gone on so far in regards to this cult of Tiamat. Also to see about more food in a few tenday, should we have need of it… I had then begun to write a letter home to Trademeet. I was starting to wish for both sleep and tea, when the sound of heavy footfalls quirked my ears. I glanced over to see Jonas’ form, and then turned back to my letter.

‘Hello Jonas.’

I smiled. The one he returned was thin. I blamed this on his recent ordeal to recover Tomar and Madison’s souls.

"Hello, Merielle."

He sounded more than tired.

‘Is everything alright?’

"Everything is -spectacular-."

It was then that I set aside my letter and looked him over. It was then that I noticed his armor was missing. In it’s place a comfortable looking suit of padded armor or leather of some sort…

"How are you, Merielle?"

‘Is your armor being repaired?’

"Alas, yes. Recovering Tomar and Madison's souls was harder than we thought."

I nodded slowly.

‘I am well enough. A bit tired, you are too no doubt… Just catching up on some writing. Have you rested?’

"I have."

He chuckled… but it sounded… off. I looked to his expression for some clue as to what was bothering him, but it was shrouded in his hood.

‘Jonas, what is it?’

I regarded him, sought his emotions in my thoughts to hint at what was troubling him. I found only his usual comfort and love and constant support. I had no sooner grasped that something was amiss when the figure before me drew a long blade from beneath his purple cloak. Caught off guard, and seated, there was no time to react.

"Not a sound."

I thought to scream, or something but his next words stilled me more than the threat of the blade at my throat.

"Do not test me, sister -dearest-, or Inara is next. She will be all too easy to get to."

I paled at the thought… how easily he stood here now… How he had gotten so close so easy. No one had spared him a second glance. They thought he was Jonas… so had I.

"How does it feel, to be such a monumental failure?"

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. The blade pressed dangerously against my flesh. My only thought was… I had to get to Inara… and warn the others. His ominous words about how he could have been right behind me… days earlier… could he have been? He was here now. That was all that mattered. I tried to focus on a prayer, instead my concentration was broken by the blinding pain as he traced the still painful scar on the side of my face. My gift from Bhaal’s high priest. The pain a constant reminder of the very costs paid to thwart Bhaal’s plans. A cursed wound… and there was nothing gentle in the hand that now worked its way along the raw nerves.

"Very nice."

A square punch to the jaw sent me reeling from the chair. Instinctively I stood and moved to strike… alarm bells ringing through my mind… and answered by Jonas’ concern and support. He thought this another minor worry. My attempts were halted by his quick movements.

"Tsk, tsk, that isn't how we play this game."

Again I tried to call a prayer… but was halted by searing pain as he grasped me by the throat and thrust the blade into first the left shoulder and then the right… Not meant to be fatal, but striking in such a way that the pain was tremendous, and it left my arms nearly useless. My attempt to cry out cut off by the grip on my throat.

"This is what they did to Dianne, wasn't it? What you let happen?"

I couldn’t breathe.

"Oh, the suffering she must have endured."

I winced… my arms had gone numb, but not my thoughts… not my heart… Dianne’s loss was still a tender wound… A grave choice I hated to make, but made. One soul for the sake of many… The only comfort was that she rested with Ilmater.

"What a brave little soul."

I struggled to think as the hilt of the sword was driven hard into my stomach and doubling me over… I barely understood his words as he slashed at my arms and punched my face. His utterly calm expression as all of this transpired was… unsettling. I kept hoping someone would hear… but I couldn’t cry out. Sound never carried well through the temple. His voice stayed deadly level and calm… They would not have heard it. No doubt they assumed the noise was from me rearranging the back shelves again.

"You should have done what I said. You should have abandoned Jonas. But no, you had to be stubborn."

The blows were well placed, and I could not raise my arms in defense, I could not focus to pray… As alarm was replaced with fear and panic… I doubled over to protect more vulnerable spots, and struggled for enough focus to call sanctuary, then I could at least warn the others… do -something-.

"Now you have the satisfaction of knowing how very real I am, and what I intend to do to Inara. Alistaria. Everyone you hold dear."

He dragged me up to my feet. I tried to call sanctuary. A blinding blow to the throat. I tasted blood. I choked on it… I couldn’t speak.

"No prayers for you, Saint."

As he threw me against the wall, I could barely breathe… I coughed and tried to stand, had nearly drawn myself up when he crossed the room to me. I saw that gleam in his gold colored eyes… one I had not seen in the eyes of a man since my time as a slave… I prayed… though I hadn’t the voice to draw on my gifts from Ilmater… I prayed as he held me up. Pinned between his girth, the wall and the bookshelf. Trapped and completely helpless…

"I could, you know."

I tried to speak… to call a prayer… only to gag on blood and try desperately to draw enough breath to stop the dizzying effects of a lack of enough air. The very thought of what was implied left me disgusted.

"If that husband of yours hasn't sired any children yet, you could produce some more for me. But that isn't why I'm here."

The wave of nausea and dizziness were halted as he placed a debilitating cut in each leg. Again, the pain was near blinding. I fought to remain conscious. He let go of me, and my legs, unable to support me, dropped me to the floor in a bloody heap. He kicked at me, ribs, sides, stomach. I hadn’t suffered such an onslaught since my days with the Drow.

"Where is precious Jonas now?"

My mind screamed for him, but I was suffocating. Every attempt to breathe left me in such pain…

"Where are your champions?"

As my vision narrowed, and my grips at consciousness started to slip, he delivered a crushing blow to my face and chest. As darkness wrapped around me and the pain went frighteningly numb, I barely made out his final words…

"That ought to do. Sleep well tonight, sister -dear-. And send Jonas my regards."

Vaguely… my eyes watched dimly as he drew the sword up and pinned it through my hand… and driving the blade into the floor. Then… nothing.

I could not say how long I laid there, not a spot of gray left on my bloodied robes… It was no small miracle that I didn’t die. The next thing I was aware of was Siomir and Rith standing over me… in a pool of what had been most of my blood. White explosions behind my eyes as my lungs drew a breath, now unhindered by bone, and the blinding and painful protest… proof that I was indeed… still alive.

It was a hurried rush to the orphanage… where I warded Inara with everything I possessed… then I wanted to find Jonas. I let my fear be wrongly mistaken for anger. He was here. They were in danger. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. He hadn’t been to the orphanage though. I found Jonas as he left the city, while Siomir, Rith and Tyressen guarded the orphanage. I sent Sister Juna to tell Brother Marcus that I was alright… and to see to the temple… which needed to be cleansed from the blood that had been spilled.

The rest of the night passed in a blur, where I kept company, mostly with my own thoughts. Jonas felt bad for what had happened, and I quickly reassured him as best I was able. The only place the blame truly lay was with Kelorin. This was a desperate move on his part. And a dangerous one. Plans were discussed, and after all he had done in the days past… our resolves were hardened by the fires of anger and hate. He had sealed his fate. He would be given no quarter.

I was foolish to have my guard down, a mistake I will not repeat. I calmed when the others were found and made safe… Extra guardsmen were posted. I took comfort in the presence of the guards. I almost wished to crush the head of the viper personally… only slightly less than I wished to scour the skin away. I sought to keep my thoughts elsewhere… no good comes from dwelling on the ‘what ifs’ and this was no different. He had only caused harm, and nothing lasting. Save for what it was doing to Jonas.

We had to end this and soon… I prayed for his sake. He was strong. None should have to endure what he had. None should have to bear as he was… Kelorin had made a very foolish move. We knew he was here… we knew he was within reach… and He Knew… that we would not stop until we knew he was no more. We only needed to endure a while longer. Faith is strength. I would help Jonas stand… and I would not let my guard down until we had seen this through. I would see this finished. Kelorin has earned his fate. Jonas has earned his freedom. And he was surrounded by friends who were more than willing to see it come to pass.

For now… Ali has taken to helping here at the orphanage, and things are well in hand at the temple. I don’t remember coming to bed last night… or falling asleep, but I slept. My robes are repaired and I will be watchful. I will not be made helpless again. To ensure that… the others are right. I should rest, and we should be ready. I will need to speak to Jonas. His words haunt me.

‘Do you fear me now too?’

I had told him I did not. I meant it. My brother would garner nothing from me but my love and support… no matter what that snake did. Inara did not fear him… only what she was too young to understand. It would mend. Ali’s love for him was unfailing… and the loyalty of the others is unyielding. But Jonas’ guilt… will lead to no good end.

All things mend in time. This shadow too, will past. Faith is our strength, loyalty and love… something Kelorin will never know. I pray he finds his death merciful… for he will gain no mercy once his soul has found its way to its rightful place among those who he bartered it for power. Ilmater forgive me… if I cannot find pity for the fate he has chosen for himself.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTH ENTRY]

I’ve sent a rather lengthy letter home. It was filled with the usual kindnesses. Tristan is already a year old. I am sure he keeps Brother Dracius and Lady Iliara quite busy. Perhaps that is why they did not answer the last letter. I also filled it with the usual updates and questions. But the whole point of -this- letter, every stroke of the quill marred in worry…

“Have you heard from Tessian?”

He left, saying he was bound to Trademeet to tend to something. His smile was wry, I assumed it was another of his plots to garner a smile, that he would return a month or so there after with some grand scheme for us to visit, or perhaps with Dracius and the others to visit us. Its been more than a month… perhaps closer to three. No word from him either. Not a letter from the temple in Trademeet…

Now my mind spins wild, irrational fears… but it is the plausible ones that worry me the most. Unforeseen complications from his Father? Mercy forgive me if that is the cause of his departure or delay… Kelorin? As if there were not enough reasons to despise the beast. But… Tessian left before that started… perhaps… perhaps he has been spared that suffering? Perhaps I am worrying over nothing and it is merely some mundane delay weather or some such? Or just as mundane and equally troubling? Bandits or something?

If only I had more details to why he left in the first place, I could guess at his whereabouts and the cause of his delay with more surety. If the past weren’t so good at proving I had cause to worry…So rather than dwell and worry -more-, I went for a walk. Ali was out training. I checked with the guards about the temple, made sure Inara was well protected, and that Juna was situated, and stepped out beneath the moon.

First to the temple where I offered my prayers and tended to a few things… then I wandered the streets of the city for a time. I ran into Jonas, and we decided to take a walk. It was a pleasant distraction. The fresh air and the humor. To talk of pleasant things rather than the endless troubles we face. We walked once familiar paths, that my mind, body and spirit were glad to see again. For a time… brief as it was, there was calm.

We had rowed gently downstream, and Jonas had asked if I ever had wondered of my life without all the things that my live had become in recent years or months. No duty or fame… fewer troubles… I couldn’t however… imagine any other path but the one I have taken. I have wondered… what my life was like before those memories were lost to me… Was I a good child? I know my mother was killed, as was a baby sister… but what of a father? Other siblings? What was it like to work and be paid by the merchant? Was Ilmater’s hand with me then too?

I have also wondered… if I would have endured all the years of slavery that came after, if not for Ilmater… I doubt I could have. I suppose it is possible… but to have changed subtle details… could have left me on a path of far worse sufferings… Or it could have lead me down a different path all together. I am what my path has made me, and I cannot look on any step with regret, for if I had not walked just as I have… I would not hold the joys I hold so dearly. There wasn’t time to answer my brother though. Jonas became gripped by such a panic that it threw me off guard.

‘Something’s wrong. Ali. . .’

It was a hurried flight back to shore. His panic fueling our path back. Those who say knights do not fear… I have never felt Jonas so… un-calm.

‘Grief. Such terrible grief.’

He spoke of her emotions… and his words carried the weight of it. Then with a gasp… he nearly dropped the oars. He could no longer sense her. This sent him in such a panic, that it is still a wonder to me that the small boat did not shatter as he ran it up on the slight expanse of beach on the river bank. He stumbled nearly blindly out of the boat. I followed swiftly, ignoring the taste of blood where I had bit my cheek in our rather abrupt stop.

He did not know where to seek her, so I prayed for guidance. My mind was drawn to undead things. Either to the north… in the fields of the dead… or further south. We were a good deal south to begin with, and Ali often trains further south… so we made our way toward the Vault of Happy Hugs. Jonas calmed only slightly when he could again feel her very faintly. Our walk was silent and full of prayer.

‘Can you still sense her?’

We looked out over Lake Weng.

'Aye. . .'

There was a silence.

‘I hate him, Meri.’

He looked at me squarely.

‘Hate.’

‘It is understandable. I can’t say I spare him many Mercies myself…’

When we found Ali, she was noticeably upset… though I hadn’t understood the nature or the cause. She was with Jake and a fellow who introduced himself as Sativa. A biting remark about Jonas and I enjoying each other’s comfort and she strode from the Vault. Jonas went after her… and I followed soon there after. The Undead of the place wished a hug or two first. Once Jake and Sativa saw me out and past the abominations that placed themselves between my goal and where I stood…

Ali and Jonas stood on the shore of the lake, she was so very very upset. My heart broke for her and for Jonas as they stood there and spoke back and forth. As I watched her tear apart the wedding dress and toss bits of green silk into the lake, and heard Jonas’ desperate words to calm her… It became easier to figure out what Kelorin had said to her. Though my loyalty to Jonas as a brother was unfaltering… and my loyalties to Tessian as a wife, without question… the viper had sank his fangs in… and her thoughts and heart lay breaking in the poison wake.

Jonas’ loyalties lay in question. Though she had no reason to doubt his love now… there was a time when they were not together, and it was this time, again that Kelorin used to poison them. I prayed quietly as she regarded me with anger and hurt, followed her pleading for her to listen as she strode past. Finally she stopped and turned on me with a fury only a red-headed priestess could garner.

‘Are you going to preach his lies to me as well?’

‘I have never preached lies... Least of all to you, Ali.’

As she spoke of going to the orphanage to get Inara, to leave… saying she was done with both of us. Kelorin’s taunt danced through my thoughts.

“Check and mate. I win.”

‘Ali… do not let him do this…’

She turned her back.

‘Alistaria.’

My voice was calm, though my heart wept. She turned on me angrily, the fury burning in her eyes behind tears spurned by pain and ill words.

‘What?!’

‘On my soul, do you truly believe a viper like Kelorin…? You know I would never harm you so.’

I raised my hands, arms out to her as though offering a hug… palms up. If she chose to drive the figurative dagger in my heart, I would not have faulted her. I prayed… oh how I prayed that she would take my hands. I looked briefly at Jonas… the pain in his heart danced in his eyes as he pleaded with the woman who held his heart…

‘Yet you stand right by his side. How do I know he's the one lying? How do I know this? He shows me the images of everything he states.’

It began to rain…

‘Mercy weeps, Ali…’

I glanced to the rain briefly. Checkmate? No… I still had moves left. I looked Ali square in the eyes and spoke softly, the rain covered my tears and hers.

‘You know if I wronged you as such... I could not stand here under His eyes so.’

Her anger began to break as the rain washed over us both. I prayed, even as I spoke.

‘Search your heart when your mind fails you... and when your heart breaks... search your faith... When you weep... It is Mercy that weeps with you... Never will my hand close against you... That is my oath, Alistaria Rokranon. Never has it.’

It was silent as the rain fell over us all. Jonas the others watched quietly. For an aching moment… I feared she would turn from me again. Instead she closed the distance between us and took my hands. As she did, Jonas wrapped his arms around her and murmured softly. I kissed her hands and placed them in Jonas’.

‘I’m here. Always. You know that.’

‘I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry.’

But there was nothing to forgive. For she was not at fault. I stepped away from Ali and Jonas quietly as the rain slowed. I smiled as I directed a thought to Kelorin.

“Spoke too soon, Viper.”

I smiled as his fury answered my own calm.

"Merielle you tluining wench!"

I nearly laughed. I had no doubt that some day, I would face his wrath for slamming a fist in the middle of the lance board. We would find where the Viper hid in the grass… and he would lose his head. For now… though… there was a wedding to prepare for. I had a dress to make, and little time to waste. I meditated a while, after the others had calmed and gone on their way… Finally I made my way home with great speed, protected only by the Hand of Ilmater… Rest would not come easy… Worry would keep me from sleep, so I would busy myself with tasks. The storm would break, it was a matter of when… We would be ready. We would endure. In the end… there is only Mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND NINTH ENTRY]
THE LIONESS AND THE MOUSE...

Seems the lioness was a bit more vicious than I thought before she sought the mouse to reform. Now we worry about the cub, and this whole situation has gotten… Messy. First we met with the Cormyrian nobleman who is charged with returning the lioness to Cormyr to face trial and punishment for her crimes… Among which, the death of a minor noble. That is only the first of many complicated details. By the end of the meeting, I would agree to trying to see this resolved peacefully. They asked this because the Dukes have yet to agree to formal extradition. In exchange… they would lift the bounty for a tenday. The whole thing leaves a sour taste in my mouth. The child being the first concern, and the circumstances being bitter, and unforgiving.

She could… return to Cormyr and be given the death penalty. Which would leave the girl without the mother she is so attached to. She could face a life long prison sentence… While a human life span would be enforced due to a loophole in the laws, rather than an Elven one… the girl would be in my care until she was old enough to make her own way. By the time the de-clawed cat is released from her cage… the cub that has influenced her so… will have grown old and be drawing near the end of her life.

Banishment… while the one option I see both woman and girl happy in a sort… isn’t likely an option. The nobleman, Sir Lazarus, and his wife have agreed to seeing to the girl… that seems dismally distant now, if not impossible. I agreed to put the girl’s well fare before all else. Which has lead to other complications.

The girl ran away from Nurse Abigail at Candlekeep. This was while we were fighting these gargantuan ogres… A miracle of Mercy she got past unharmed. Or… as I found out much later… More skilled in her adoptive mother’s ways than even she had thought. Once we made sure the Lion’s Way was safe… and got the wounded back to the Keep, the girl was discovered missing… and likely headed North.

Our path was hurried, but there was trouble that Jonas and the others had to tend. Ali and I ran ahead to find the girl’s mother, and hopefully to track the girl. This would prove another complication. The girl had a decent head start, and while Ali and I are swift-footed… it was still a slow trek northward. Through the Fields of the Dead, we prayed for her safety and walked slowly onward. I had left word with Juna that we were headed north, which may well have been our saving grace.

We would find her, surrounded by more trolls than I care to see all at once… ever again. After that… it was a blur. The girl called out, and with the ferocity of a true lioness, mother moved to protect child. I moved to protect them both… but we were so vastly outnumbered… I couldn’t say with clarity what came next. I know when I came to, Jonas and the others were there, and everyone seemed alright.

It was an agonizingly long walk back. Everything from mercenaries wanting to cause trouble, to some very heartfelt mother-daughter moments that left me near ill. Was I really only asking her to hand herself over and separate herself from this girl? I mean her soul would be forgiven… but it wouldn’t be the sort of redemption she wanted. She wanted a second chance. She wanted to raise the girl.

Then the girl started making threats. Rather unpleasant ones. She also was refusing to cooperate, just as any willful child would… only most of them don’t put a dagger to my brother’s face in my home. She has a temper and has picked up some bad habits. I offered them both Sanctuary. It was the only way I saw to buy enough time to fix this. A temporary solution. Nothing more. They will have to stay in the temple because I can’t have one so violent around the younger children. If we can buy enough time to bring them both to terms with what’s to come… and perhaps find a better option…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND NINTH ENTRY]
FAITH AND LOVE

We sat near Candlekeep. Quiet, welcome fresh air, and peace. We’d gone for a walk once Inara was safely returned to the orphanage. Precious little thing. So bright for her age, and an absolute ray of all that is good and light to those around her. Our steps had carried Jonas and I south once Inara had fallen asleep. There we sat, my ‘second temple’ content to drink in the peace of the night.

"He's never coming back, you know."

So much for peace… I continued to sew Ali’s wedding dress. Soft pink, lace and satin, by now I was dotting the fabric with embroidered roses, careful work, that I was enjoying.

"Of course he is."

"The same old argument, Merielle. You don't have enough time for him. You love others more than you love him. He's found another woman in his travels, and you know it. He's done with you."

"Nonsense."

I laughed at the very absurdity of the idea. I really did. And found myself apologizing to Jonas and Tomar. The outburst shattering the quiet and calm briefly.

"Then wherever could he be?"

"He told me where he was going."

"And yet, no word."

"For the moment. It isn't indefinite."

My sewing slowed as his cold chuckle echoed through my thoughts. The hate and malice thick in his voice…

"It will be if I don't let him go. And after your stunt last night, why should I?"

I didn’t even feel the needle as it struck my finger. I looked at it mutedly as the implication danced along… briefly… I gave it thought.

“You’re bluffing.”

An image of Tessian, beaten, chained, thin from lack of food. Amnian architecture unmistakable. I blinked the image away as I drew the needle from my finger and pinched off the small pinprick before continuing to sew.

"Come and get him, sister dearest."

“You’re lying.”

It was said in defiance as much as in self assurance. Vipers lie…

“You don’t even know where he is.”

Neither did I exactly… but that was besides the point. I embroidered… slightly slower than normal, my attention divided. Images danced through my mind… Home. Trademeet. I began to worry lightly as Vyatri’s Pub came into view. I was shown, Tessian with a woman, the pair laughing and having a good time.

“Looks happy, no?”

"He -always- looks happy."

He chuckled cruelly as the image shifted. He was trying to draw my ire, play on doubt.

"He's not that way. I don't question his loyalty."

"Perhaps you should. He met her when he ran away up to Daggerford during the siege. He contacted her before his trip, like he always does when he travels. She met him here, and they've spent much time together."

For a moment my ire did rise… and drew a biting, argumentative retort. I found myself actually having to pay attention to my stitch work.

"He's away a lot. Convenient."

"He's things to tend to."

"Yes, this woman's loins. And tend he has."

I stopped stitching and stretched my hands. I hadn’t wished to strike a man so badly since I stood before Bhaal’s high priest.

"You'll not draw me to doubt, Viper."

"You don't need to doubt any longer, I've killed her for you. She got in the way when I came to get him."

My mind was assaulted with what was to be her dying screams. The sudden noise… and the agony of it… I stitched into my finger again. It took a second or two to regain my composure. Jonas’ strength and comfort helped me to find balance in my own thoughts. His erratic thoughts now focused on my own, and I resumed sewing after tending my finger.

"I am not going to listen to your lies... No matter how well crafted they might be."

"Fine, don't. When he hasn't come home after another moon's cycle, with no word, maybe you'll start to believe me then."

"I'll know before then."

"No. No, you won't. I pity you."

"Do you even know what -pity- is?”

"I learned it last night, as I watched Alistaria learn about Jonas' numerous affairs."

I scoffed. My answer came laced with my own sort of malice and disdain.

"Ah yes. When you thought you had it all figured out. You think our husbands are a tool to be used against us. You are wrong. Though you don't seem to be a very quick learner."

"I'm not using Tessian as a tool against you. I mean you no farther harm, which is why I'm giving you the chance to come get him."

"Ah generosity now? And I suppose you would tell me where he is... and expect me to waltz right into a trap, while my husband is safe and sound. For one who means me no harm you seem intent on just that. If you truly meant me no ill... you would leave Jonas and the others alone. And crawl off somewhere and die."

He snorted.

“Exactly. You expect me to believe you mean no ill. I expect proof. Your death if you are so generous."

"That would not exactly help me very much, Merielle."

"You were the fool who bargained his soul for power. For all the good it does you. The path of pain you walk and the destruction you wreak, spells only your doom. You draw harm to those I care most about... try to kill me, and ask my pity? She who trusts a Viper dies with poison in her veins."

"Are you done with the lecture?"

"No lecture. Only simple truth. Take it for what you will."

"When you're ready to come, let me know, Merielle."

Then the thought crossed my mind… if it were a trap… and we all showed up… We could kill him. End this.

"And where would I come to?"

I was given a detailed answer. Very near the temple… an area I knew well. Trademeet was home for four years after all.

"And the conditions of this little visit hmm?"

"You come, you get him back. You don't. . .he dies the same way I took Jonas' Melian. I'll let you ask him about that. Adieu, -Saint-."

And with that, I was left to my sewing and my thoughts. I couldn’t wholly discount that he might have Tessian. I could be fairly well certain that any retrieval was a trap of some sort. This would take careful thought. I would wait to hear from Brother Dracius.

Ali joined us, and she and I spoke long of her path and our faith, of Mercy and all it means… I explained to her my ‘second temple’. Of course, the lesson would be halted, and it would not be until much later… after Ogres, Trolls and a run away child… that I would realize that the lesson was not halted… but taught differently. Ali had fought well, performed admirably… and even as she faced horrendous odds… she stood her ground, she did not break her Vow of Nonviolence either. She fought only to defend herself and the girl, and never struck a killing blow. Mercy smiled on her, and in my heart I knew her path was set, and she knew the steps she would take.

We stood in the orphanage, tired and worn. By now, I had settled Beatrix and Sheira in the temple, and spoken to a goblin… Yes. A goblin… has it truly been a year already? They had Tessian hostage. Demanded my presence in exchange for his return. They wanted Birthday Stew… for the chief. The others looked on in confusion as I had negotiated with Fwink. Arrangements were made to meet in the morning. At least… in that… as disturbing as it was… was far preferable to Kelorin having Tessian. The Viper’s carefully crafted lie unveiled. I had every intention of seeing to this as soon as I could walk that far… I was exhausted fully after so many difficult battles and much channeling.

I asked Ali to bring me a cup of water, she happily obliged… though they all regarded me oddly. I took from my pocket, a holy symbol, simple silver, on sturdy, red cord and dropped it into the water. This was by no means standard… but this was how needs must… and she was ready. I knew this in my heart as I blessed both water and symbol.

‘Alistaria Rokranon.’

‘Yes?’

I dotted her forehead with the holy water from the teacup, and both hands as I spoke:

‘May the Mercy that is within your heart always reflect the Mercy of the Crying Lord…’

I drew the Holy Symbol from the cup, and placed it carefully around her neck. I watched pleased as the drops of water landed over the woman’s heart. Yes… this was the right moment. This was the right path.

‘May Mercy always guide your path... your heart, your mind, body and soul, -Sister- Alistaria.’

The room was bathed in a soft light, and as simply as that… in the humility that is both love and faith… an Initiate became a Novice. I smiled at her as she bowed her head, a nodding acknowledgement to the charge she had been given. I gave her a tired, but joyful smile.

‘And now that the temple has one more Novice. After we rescue my husband from a -birthday party-... we can begin your Novice training. Not a typical transition… But I think it safe to say you know your path.’

She hugged and thanked me. We spoke a bit longer on a number of things before we all sought rest. A prayer on my heart and lips for my dear husband… and I collapsed into bed, barely getting my boots off my feet, not caring if there was still blood or dirt on my robes… All things in time… and for the moment it was time for sleep. Washing could come after.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND NINTH ENTRY]
BIRTHDAY STEW

‘We have a captive that we wants to ransom.’

I blinked at the goblin standing in front of the orphanage. Mercy of Ilmater… that is what I get for wondering if the day could get worse. The goblin described Tessian… his feet dangling over empty air. Thedran held him against the orphanage wall, and I knew just in what ways things could get worse. My thoughts spun, and the world followed. I was exhausted… I could tell I was in no shape for much… That sickening chill, the narrowing vision, the roar in my ears… Mercy, please, I had thought… Don’t let me pass out. I tried to focus on the others, on the goblin. How long had Tessian been gone? A month? Two?

‘Oh, terms! Terms...right. We want her. Just for one day.’

The goblin rattled off. Everyone spoke at once as Thedran raised the goblin higher off the ground.

‘No.’

‘For what?’

‘Wait… is this about--’

‘Aww come on! Chief’s birthday…’

I blinked. Oh no… Not again. Not now. Not this, of all things…

‘Birthday Stew…’

After a good deal of talking… most of which, I can’t remember for the life of me… Fwink went on his way. He seemed oddly familiar. Wasn’t he there last year? Had it really been a year since I was snatched off the road and told to cook? I wonder what happened to the girl? Was Tessian the only hostage? Likely not. Tessian was smart… for all his silliness and all his talk, it was keeping him alive… and he specified that I was to come -there- which meant there were others, likely… and he would need help. Mercy be with him.

I had wanted to run. Run all the way south, but I knew better. We had just covered more distance in a short amount of time than should have been humanly possible, I had fallen at least twice in two different, very straining battles… The worries of the last few days had come crashing down around me, and threatened to bury me alive. At least the lie of the Viper was revealed. To make matters worse… when I finally stumbled into my home… I find Sheira holding a knife to Jonas. Fortunately she listened to Beatrix and tossed the knife away. Into my table. Least no one was hurt.

‘What in the name of Mercy is going on?!’

‘My daughter is making her feelings known.’

I prayed. I thought surely I would either pass out, or fall into madness. Fortunately, neither happened. Mercy’s Hand at my back, and with the help of the others, I got Sheira and Beatrix settled into the temple. The walk from the temple to the orphanage had never seemed so long. I was spent beyond reason. I couldn’t channel, I could barely see straight, I didn’t think I could take another step. I can’t even say how I made it into bed.

I woke several hours later, it wasn’t even dawn… from the moon, that was still at least a couple hours away. My haphazard curls were an unruly mess of blood and dirt, as were my robes… my boots tossed carelessly to the side… the bed not even unmade. I had literally fallen into bed. If I dreamt, I remembered it not. Took enough time to wash up, put clean linens on the bed, grab some toast, tea and an apple, before looking about.

Thedran still slept in a chair by the front door, I lay his lute on the table and lay a blanket over him. He was a mercy of a different sort. A stalwart protector, and one I was grateful for. He stirred slightly, but seeing it was only me, settled back to sleep. The children rested peacefully. Everyone was so tired, even Jonas slept. I penned a quick note and left it where it would be easily found. Least this time it couldn’t be said I didn’t let him know that I left of my own accord.

“Went to a Birthday Party. Be Back Soon.
~Meri~”

I nodded to the guards as I stepped out, and made my way to the temple. There, lioness and cub seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I made sure things were situated and settled, hugging Juna before she headed off to the orphanage to ready breakfast before the others woke. As the sun touched the very fringes of the horizon, I made my way over Wyrm’s Crossing, headed South.

I arrived at my intended destination. I wasn’t keen on a fight with a small army of goblins, but I was willing to do what I was able to. I was ushered through the halls and into the ‘throne room’ which had been turned into a festival hall of sorts. The goblins were ready for a feast. My stomach turned as I remembered the recipe for Goblin Birthday Stew. The goblins however, were pleased to see me. I couldn’t say the feeling was mutual.

Tessian was alive, and about as well as I could have hoped for. He was terrified… rightly so. The goblins had killed two people during his visit… poor man, he’s never dealt with death well. He was handling this whole situation rather admirably. How I wished I had found out sooner. Mercy forgive me, but all things considered, it could have been so much worse.

He explained that he was headed to Trademeet when he was taken, he hadn’t made it far. Though the why of the trip, would have to wait. The goblin’s taste in food had blessedly improved. Pancakes. And Tessian and I made enough for a hundred or so goblins. He had counted during his time… and the rough estimate was still a staggering number for the two of us. Even if we could funnel them through tunnels or doorways… we would be exhausted before we fought our way out. So we continued the diplomatic ruse. Tessian had talked his way into fairly good graces.

After the goblins mobbed the pancakes, demanded a few children’s songs and had me praying for extra measures of patience… Tessian and I were ushered off to the ‘Happy Place’ as they called it. Regardless of what they called it, it was an over-glorified cell. The other woman, however, was missing. For lack of a better plan… and in light of the thirty goblins waiting outside the door… I expended a great deal of effort, and prayed. We slipped Ethereally through the door, and the goblins were none the wiser. It would be at least an hour before they wondered where we were…

After a hasty bit of searching… the woman was found. Poor dear. Fainted. Another prayer, and Tessian and I carried the poor woman out. We didn’t pause until we were a good bit north. By then Tomar and Madison had joined us. I saw to both Tessian and the woman. Come to find out, Fwink… Master of Goblin Dippermacy… had kept both Tessian, and the woman alive… as best as a goblin is able. And I was fairly certain, by now that it was Fwink who inadvertently allowed myself and the other woman to escape last time.

It was Fwink, who came forward, wanting to stay with us. Of course I could see no good coming from a goblin staying near the city, much less near a bunch of children… Thankfully the solution was much less complicated. Danielle, the woman we carried out, offered Fwink a place in her barn, assured that she could get her husband to agree to it. After all, Fwink had made the goblin chief rather angry in helping us… and me, a second time…

That settled, they made their way home, and Tessian and I made our way home. That evening was grand. Good food, dear friends, a darling husband. Then I finally asked what Tessian was off to Trademeet for in the first place. Blast his father. He had, apparently some time ago, arranged a marriage. This was the entire reason Tessian ran away initially after his mother was killed. Unfortunately, it was binding in Amn and perfectly legal if you have the coin to see to such things. Fortunately, the woman he barely knew, daughter of some business partner of his father’s… didn’t want it any more than Tessian did. He was going to get it annulled so that she could wed the man she loved.

Sadly, it means he will have to make another trip. Hopefully, this time, he makes it to his intended destination. He had worried I would panic or something. It can be mended so that everyone is happy, which is fine with me… I am merely irritated at his father’s ability to make things harder for Tessian, and for us, from his blasted grave. In the future, one brief trip, and perhaps we can see it all tended to nice and neat. Maybe if things have settled enough here, and it is safe… I can go with him and we can visit Brother Dracius and Lady Iliara.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTH ENTRY]
A VIPER IN THE GRASS PART THREE: MAELSTROM

I had tended prayer and duty after waking up in a brilliant mood. I night of real, restful sleep makes a world of difference. Final preparations for Jonas and Ali’s wedding were well underway. Things had gone so smoothly I had time to finish Auriel’s dress for the wedding. Tessian had gone to the Wide to get a number of things for both the orphanage and the temple. Sister Juna had the children well in hand, and Ali and Sister Addy had the temple running top notch. I had sat myself down for something I hadn’t done in what seemed ages.

I was going to paint. I took a few sips of tea as I studied the blank expanse of canvas. Slowly a scene took form in my mind. A sweeping waterfall. The colors fell from the brush strokes easily and I smiled as an hour peacefully passed. Larger brushes getting traded for smaller ones, the details slowly taking form.

"I had to try, you know."

I blinked, looking about briefly as I resumed painting.

“Try?”

Least if he was troubling my thoughts, he was leaving Jonas and the others alone.

"I scried for your precious husband after you admitted your worry to Jonas about him. When I saw him amongst goblins, I had to seize the opportunity. I rather hoped they'd just eat him though."

I almost smiled.

"Well. Sorry to disappoint you. But they didn't."

"I suppose I lost my temper a bit, too. I was so close to breaking Alistaria. I'd done it."

"So close. And you failed."

Now I did smile.

"A failure would have been if she rebuffed me from the beginning. She believed me, Merielle. She actually thought dear Jonas was having an affair with you."

I answered him calmly.

"She knows better now."

"Does she? She supposedly already knew better. She said she trusted him."

"She's still human. I don't fault her for your meddling lies."

"It was an easy lie to believe. She is not the first to think you and Jonas spend too much time together."

I scoffed as I painted. The calm veneer of his tone shifted.

"Maybe I'll visit her soon. . .wouldn't that be charming."

The tree I was painting suffered as the thinly glossed threat hung over my head.

"Maybe you could get that niece or nephew you're wanting."

My mind shot back to the conversation Jonas and I had on our walk, and the cheer of the conversation was twisted by the very implication of his words.

"I am content to wait, Viper. And I will see to it she is kept safe. I'll not give you that chance."

He continued as if he hadn’t heard me. His tone became so sickeningly honeyed it was easy to guess the path that his lurid thoughts had taken. I continued to paint, though I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the work anymore. The sound of the paintbrush on canvas became a sort of rhythm that the conversation continued to follow.

"What do you think dear Jonas would do?"

"What would he do? He would see every trace of you wiped from the whole of existence… which he is already inclined to do."

We all were… Even me. There was no mercy in him, nothing could move him to such… best to see him to a swift end… I mused as I painted until his voice trampled through my thoughts and demanded my focus.

"My death is certain either way. I might as well go out with a bang. The child, Merielle. What would he do about the child? He's never been much of a parent to the two I fathered."

"He's never held that against them. They are good children regardless of your ill intent."

"Oh come now, he hardly raised them. He left it to our adoptive father and our brothers."

I knew well that Jonas’ training had taken a good deal of his time, but never did he neglect them. I hadn’t met Doriah, but Harwin was an absolute dear.

"He bears them no malice."

He loved them dearly, as much as he did Inara. If not for the technicalities, they were Jonas’ children, and he was their father.

"But he does not love them. I wonder if that would hurt Alistaria. Of course, if she's anything like Melian she'd never touch brother dearest again anyway. Divorce number two, tragic. Tragic."

The thought pleased him a great deal.

"Of course he loves them. I don't see why we are indulging your sudden flight of fancy. You won't be given the chance. Nor will you break them apart again."

He snapped at me, his patience wearing thin already.

"What if you had to choose, Merielle? Jonas. Alistaria. Inara. One lives, two die. Who would you choose?"

Calm. I urged myself to remain calm. The longer his attention was focused on me… the more peace it brought the others.

"I'd find the option where they lived. All of them."

The first needling blow…

"You'd choose the girl. To make amends for your poor choices in the past. Your failures."

I flinched inwardly, and continued to paint.

"You'd let her live, and still fail to teach her what she needs to know to survive, just like the others."

Billy. It was clear who he spoke of. Dianne…

"That was not… my choice. I didn't fail them."

"How many children must die because of you? Is that why you run the orphanage, to have a fresh supply for the slaughter?"

The brush stroke’s very rhythm began to change, though I heeded it not.

“No!”

I snapped back at him.

"The Shiera girl will be next, I suppose. You made her the priority, and she's almost as bad as I am. She'll kill dozens while you try to 'save' her."

"No she won't. No she isn’t. And she can still be saved."

"Making the wrong. Choice. Again."

“No. I am giving her a chance.”

My tone was level though my hand had slowed.

“Hah! She put a knife to Jonas' face. I haven't laughed that hard since. . . . . .oh, Alistaria ripped up her wedding dress and Jonas had that disgusting look of anguish. Guess it was not that long ago."

"She needs discipline that is all."

"You give everyone a chance, Merielle. They betray you, you hurt, and get wrapped up in a new lost cause."

I had borne a lot of betrayal, a lot of hurt… but it didn’t mean I should stop trying. That I shouldn’t try at all. Of course I was less free with my trust, perhaps a little cynical and jaded… but still willing to offer that which I could. They weren’t all lost causes…

"I can't save them all. They each walk their own paths."

"No you proved that with Dianne and Billy. Can't save them all, no."

I cautioned myself to be careful.

"I… didn't fail them. They are safe."

"No, you did your duty. You should have your own children soon so you can offer them up on platters as well. How did it feel that night you found out about Dianne while you protected Billy?"

I tried to focus on the painting to keep the memories in check… Still, they drifted to the surface, still tugging painfully on my heart. How long had I cried, sat there in the floor of the room in Feldepost’s and cried until a tear-soaked Tessian, and Joan had to help me to bed?

The once cheery painting was taking on a gray and dismal outlook. The skies had become clouded, but I barely noted it. My hand kept moving brush after brush, stroke after stroke… the once bright colors changing hue before my eyes… Eyes that no longer looked on the canvas in front of me, but on the canvas of my heart.

"It wasn't… It was less painful than letting Bhaal kill an endless number."

Finally came my feeble retort.

"You could have left Billy in someone else's care, and gone after her. You. Let. Her. Die.”

Each word, punctuated by the beat of a breaking heart, struck like small daggers, as an old argument bubbled to the surface.

“I am surprised Jonas and Alistaria can stomach having you around Inara. You're a terrible mother figure."

Before I realized it… he had begun to play on subtle heartstrings… a thread at time… drawing forth a cacophony of memories best revisited in solitude.

"No I couldn't have! Every time I left him they nearly took him, I couldn‘t let them do that. I didn't -let- her die! They killed her. We tried to find her. -I- Tried to find her. It wasn't a loss I took lightly… But she is safe now. That is what matters."

"Your choice. Your hands stained with the blood of children. And various body parts if I remember correctly."

Indeed, we turned the Coast upside down… Incurred the wrath of an angry, indignant god, and didn’t find her. I’ll never forget the first finger that the Shadow brought. We never found her body either… the wreath with the newly made doll that I never got to give to her… to replace the one the Shadow had daggered… the sprigs of flowers that replaced posters… And unbidden, the thoughts continued… he drank them up like a man in the desert does fleeting bits of rain.

In the painting… it began to rain… slowly at first…

"That… wasn't -my- choice … or my doing. There was no choice."

"Your choices allowed it to happen. You might as well have cut her up yourself."

“Absolutely -Not-!”

An image shattered the fragile peace I held… A dagger in my hands… Billy, Dianne… Inara… Did I hear thunder? I looked to the cup full of brushes that I had knocked over carelessly… picked them up slowly and I tried to draw my thoughts back to order…

"That's how the world should see you, butcher of children."

"You twist the facts. I have never… Ever… meant any of them ill. If I could have saved them all… I would have. I couldn't… Wouldn't choose… I had no choice. None. So many more would have died if they got to Billy…"

Gone was the waterfall… drowned in a sea of pain… the rain continued to fall on a frothing ocean that continued to eat away the land. Memories tumbled onward, and I kept painting.

"I am free now Merielle… Free. I’m … Sorry."

Suddenly it was not Kelorin who spoke… but Billy… we stood in the crumbling Bhaalist sanctum… Bhaal’s servants lay dead or dying… Not thunder I heard at all… but cracking and tumbling of stone. I pushed the memory back. Brush stroke after brush stroke, and the ocean was halted by a sheer, looming cliff.

“Touching.”

He said with such sardonic ire… He continued to tug at the thought.

"Stop it. I was there. I know what was said."

"But he was very afraid, was he not, in life?"

"We all were."

"You left him with traitors. Who sold him out, and you. Everything you worked for, undone. Failure."

"We don't know that they were for certain. I left him somewhere I was assured was safe. That-- That bastard wizard! -Stole- him. And we still… Still stopped Bhaal! Not a failure. Not what we wanted, but certainly not failure!"

This veneer control was getting difficult to maintain. My thoughts had been my own, largely since the Soulkeep was shattered. Save for Jonas’ empathy… and Kelorin’s ill whispers, I was unused to needing to shield my thoughts. Sanctuary would not halt the mental attacks… and the effort needed to work the protections of the Ethereal plane around me was extensive… Besides, it seemed selfish to consider blocking them so… Jonas would worry, Kelorin would focus elsewhere…

The clouds roiled over the sea and cliff.

He danced from the memory of Billy’s death, taunting… To Dianne, and that first meeting after her passing… He pulled at the pains of my heart, a backdrop to his laughter, the sound of the paintbrush on canvas drown out and lost.

‘I love you Sister Merielle. I know you love me too.’

'We will be waiting for you.'

'… Free.'

The memories echoed about, and the crescendo shook to the very core. I fought to regain a foothold. All the while he mocked.

"From Bhaal, and from the pain. Yes. He is. They are."

Lightning split the sky over the cliff.

"Is that what you told all those soldiers and knights who threw away their lives for you? To the adventurers who volunteered thinking you were some hero?"

"I never claimed to be a hero. Nor did I ask them to die for me."

"Your god did. Remember the angels appearing in temples to come here? To rally. . .to you?"

“But you were our heart. We rallied to -you-, Meri.”

Jonas’ words echoed now…

"We were asked to Stop Bhaal. We did. They rallied to a cause. Not to me. They were asked to protect Billy's soul. … They did so… in a manner they both understood and chose… I explained it to each. Refused every oath to me. WE did what we had to. We saved who we could."

"Yes. Sit on your hands, let him be taken, and barely make it in time. Bravo. Seems you rather lazily did what you had to. Maybe you didn't even love the boy. Maybe you were tired of the brat? Ready to be short of him?"

And the storm threatening to break over the painting… did so… The lone tree that remained… shattered by lightning as surely as the last threads of control unraveled around my temper.

"Never! I never… ever… Absolutely not! We weren't sitting on our hands. We were fighting them. I never stopped loving him… not even now. I NEVER grew tired of him."

"I am free now Merielle… Free. Free of you and your coddling. Free of your poor teaching."

“Free from -Bhaal-!”

"Free of the false mother and her lies."

The cliff began to shatter, stone by stone, the ocean’s fury wearing it away.

"I never lied to him. I protected him! I did the best I could."

"If you'd protected him, he'd be alive. Training to be a real knight, like you promised. Another lie, that promise."

I thought of Emrys… Ian… Valqis…how angry they had been when Billy died… Valqis and I were on better terms… but nothing like we were before… Emrys… I had lost him so utterly… he was unrecognizable by the end. Did he ever forgive me for it? Ian? And what of those I failed before then, that turned away after each blow… Esen, Aleil… So many… and so many died… at the end of it, I couldn’t even offer them a child… only the assurance that we had stopped Bhaal… and for some… that wasn’t enough.

A tidal wave, washed away the cliff, brush stroke after brush stroke… one landscape buried beneath another…

"It was never a lie… and not one I broke willingly. They took that chance!"

His words came in a biting torrent.

"They took. Stop Bhaal. Stop blaming others for your shortcomings. Those other children must have been meaningless to you. All those the Bhaalists killed trying to force you to give up Billy. You didn't even care. Must have been easy. It's a wonder the blood ever washes from your hands."

"I did too Care!"

“Stop lying.”

He said flatly.

"For each of them!"

I screamed back. The ocean raged.

"You berate me for lying, and yet you do it all the time."

"I do no such thing, Viper! I know I have limits and failings. I -know- that. I have never denied it. Never will. I did the best I could and it was barely enough! It wasn't what any one wanted. It wasn't what I wanted. It was horrid, but we did our best! You sit there and claim to know the truth of it! Bastard!"

"I know what Jonas knows. He can barely hide his disgust sometimes. He'd never offer up his children on a platter like the revered saint."

A lie. It had to be.

The rains beat down on the turbulent ocean.

"I didn't offer them up."

"May as well have, letting the Bhaalists take them each so easily."

"I didn't -let them- do anything! I didn't LET them. I couldn't be in all places! Jonas knows this."

"You should have kept them both with you. Protected them with your life at all costs. Isn't that what you're trained to do?"

"They wouldn't let me come get her. It wasn't safe to move her… When we went to find Billy, it wasn't safe to take her…"

"You didn't even try. You ran off after Billy and forgot about her. I'm glad she forgives you."

I had heard these accusations before. I had weathered them silently. I wanted to scream… but the only thing that screamed were my thoughts… and the wind… which tore at the rain and the ocean beneath my brushstrokes…

"I -never- forgot about her! Ever! She was as much a part of my thoughts as Billy! did try. I begged them… I was Banished. They were kind enough to turn me away rather than kill me! I had to protect Billy… the others couldn't safely move her. I did what I could!"

"Which was, as usual, not enough. Too slow. Too weak."

I hated him. Anger burned through my thoughts. My jaw was so clenched it ached. I had bit down too hard… tasted blood. I drained a cup of tea to wash away the taste of it… I continued to paint… the roiling sea and rain became a blazing inferno, like liquid the flames writhed… burned as the tears that stung my eyes.

"It wasn't enough to keep them… but it was enough to keep them -Safe-. It was enough to make sure Bhaal failed… Just because I wanted to keep them for myself… doesn't mean I would be able to…"

Smoke choked out the canvas.

"You were undeserving to keep them. That is why you haven't been blessed with any of your own."

The world went black.

"You-- You don't… You know NOTHING. I… haven't because there is… still duty. It isn't safe… Not yet. There will be. Not that you will be around to see the truth of it. You will be rotting at the hands of those who lay claim to your soul."

"Safety doesn't stop other couples from being blessed. Duty does not prevent other actually competent mothers from raising their children.”

I wanted peace, craved it. I started to form the prayer in my mind, to grant me such as he kept speaking.

"The harlot of Jonas' was blessed with a child. Twice, even. Times were no less bleak then."

I paused. Mercy of Ilmater, how could I be so selfish? As angry as he was over his failings the last few days… I couldn’t let Ali or Jonas bear such now… I prayed strength…

A single ray of light cut through the darkness, barely there at first…

"She isn't a harlot!"

I paused and tried to control my emotions that were spiraling beyond grasp.

"It isn't time yet. When it is mine to have... I will."

"You'll be an old woman before the time is right. By then you'll be barren, woman."

"In the mean time I have a whole -house- Full of children. And I love them each dearly and unfailingly."

"Until someone uses them against you too. Then they die, one by one."

“They won’t die. I’ll keep them safe.”

"I'm sure you will. Which goes back to my question on which one you would save."

The threat hung there… for an instant… not just against Jonas and the others… but the vague promise to try for any of the children in my care. I was grateful for the guards around the orphanage. If he tried anything… he would die… in short order. I took comfort in that.

A pillar of light stood in the darkness.

"Jonas.
…
Alistaria.
…
Inara?"

"I won't surrender -any- of them."

"I only have to take one to get the other two. They will sacrifice themselves. . ."

He chuckled in such a way that ice danced up my spine.

There was a meadow in the light…

"No they won't. They won't let you win anymore than I will."

"Yes, they will. They will give themselves up to save Inara. Like good parents do."

"You can't touch her! She is always warded and well guarded!"

"Yes, Merielle, she was -so- well guarded in the streets the other day. Anyone could have scooped her up and been off."

I froze.

The meadow was shrouded in fog and snow… blinding, cold frost wilted away the flowers.

"Who do you think opened the door for her?"

I blanched. Drained a cup of tea.

"And I do look like daddy. . .
Sound like daddy. . .
Hug like daddy. . .”

I gagged on the tea.

"Kiss. Like. Daddy."

I dropped the teacup, heard it shatter as I leapt down the stairs to the room where the children were all sleeping. Inara rested peacefully. I stared a long moment, the very thought left me quaking with an anger and a fear that would pale by comparison if Ali or Jonas knew… I would have to see to her better than that.

Back up the stairs… I cleaned the glass up and moved to pour another cup of tea. I wondered if it was really that cold, or if I was simply unable to feel the warmth of it?

"She smells like Alistaria and Jonas both. So sweet. Precious."

The teapot in my hand sailed across the room. Tea splashed all over the canvas…

In the murky blizzard… a single daisy stood. Alone. The rest of the painting was a muddled mess, much like my emotions and thoughts. I screamed at him as I headed back down the stairs. The weeds in the garden would suffer for my fury.

"You bastard viperous wretch! Inara will be taught the difference! When the time for your death comes, so help me… I should turn my back and let them do what they will! You… Bastard! As if there were not enough reasons to hate you!!"

He laughed and it sounded just like Jonas… but it was full of malice, devoid of any joy and good.

"I hope you do turn your back. Let Jonas do what he wants in his heart. Killing for vengeance. . .so perfect."

“Not Jonas, you snake! I won't let him fall so.”

Though… Mercy of Ilmater may forgive me… I briefly wondered at the damage the others could do to the Viper… I ran out of weeds… so I began to clean.

"Jonas' heart is filling with hatred. He hates me. You all do. But his soul is the one at stake."

"You have grossly underestimated him."

"Try telling him you don't want him striking me. Try it. See what he says."

"He will stay his hand when the time comes."

Even if I had to stand between the two of them to see it done. I would not let him fall.

"It is you who underestimate him. What he is capable of."

"He -won't- fall!"

"Fall again. He's fallen twice. Third. Times. A charm."

"Not this time!"

I would make sure of it somehow.

"When I present Inara's head on a platter, he won't be able to contain himself. Even Jonas is not that strong willed. Her vampire head. I figure I'll do to her what happened to Alistaria. Make him relive old memories."

He’d have to get to Inara first. Anger gave way only a little to defiance. Furious energy spent in removing every spec of dust from every crack and crevice in the whole orphanage.

"No you won't."

"He'll lose it."

“Not if she stays safe. Not if she stays watched. Guarded. She'll know not to trust you. She'll stay safe. And you will die. Swiftly, if the fates are kind."

Then his tone changed. My mind screamed anything but caution now. And at the time… I was too angry to notice it. This argument… this whole conversation… every argument I had had since the Bhaalists first urged us out… I knew the answers and yet… I doubted myself… and then, in those moments I was letting him feed off of that doubt… Mercy forgive me…

"What would you give to keep her safe? You sacrificed much for the other two. What would you give for the child of your oath brother?"

"As before… any that is mine to give, and All I am able to do. You won't touch Inara."

"What if. . .I really want to touch you?"

Thank goodness I had stepped out to hang the wash… because I wretched. The turbulent emotions played havoc on my stomach. I drained a vial of ginger and hoped that the weather would hold out long enough for the clothes to dry.

"You have once already.”

My mind moved to the beating in the temple.

"No, I didn't get what I wanted."

Bitter bile mixed with the ginger I hastily swallowed. I wasn’t sure which was more revolting… the request… or the fact that… if I thought it would protect them… I would consider answering?

“You have proven a snake… a lying Viper… but I have no guarantee she would remain safe infinitely."

"Maybe I can give you that child you crave."

His chuckle rang through my thoughts… dark and full of hate and cruelty. I hated him. I would have a child when Mercy willed it, not because his hand had any play in it. He would die before he had chance to do anything. It wouldn't happen… Perhaps… a trap? Though it was very risky. I hesitated. Then I spoke in anger.

"Ilmater decides when and if I bear a child. You can't supersede what is in Mercy's Hands. I can‘t trust you… And I would sooner see you dead."

I’d be a fool to agree to such a bargain. I’d prove his point if I didn’t… I started to speak, but I doubt he meant to let me answer in the first place.

"Fine. Perhaps Alistaria will be more willing."

"No!"

But it was quiet. I knew he had grown tired of the game. I slumped against the side of the house, trying to reel in both thought and emotion. I couldn’t find Ali or Jonas… I didn’t dare stay long away from Inara… I let Juna watch over the children… I became gripped by the very real fear that Ali -would- do what she had to for Jonas and Inara…

I prayed… finally I could hold out the tears no longer. I begged forgiveness for my failings… for my temper, the anger I was supposed to not give sway… I begged strength for Ali and Jonas. When there were no more tears to cry… No more prayers to offer… I stood at the easel, paint brush in hand…

A single pair of hands shielded the daisy from the storm around it.

I went downstairs, and began scrubbing dishes, nearly removing layers of the dishes themselves as my thoughts whirled. Even if he offered such a deal to Ali… she couldn’t be allowed to do such a thing. I won’t let him stand over the two of them like that. I would talk to Ali. After the wedding she would train… long hours… she would learn the prayers she needs to protect herself. We could perhaps set a trap… but she would not be bait.

We would teach Inara the difference between Jonas and Kelorin. Mercy guard that dear child… Guard her well… and we would do that too… even if I had to hide them in the orphanage. Some of my thoughts were senseless… disconnected… but they all carried the same theme… Keep Inara safe… No matter what… and don’t fail her… lest I fail Ali and Jonas.

Jonas… I couldn’t let him strike Kelorin in anger of vengeance. It’s what the bastard viper wanted. No… he would not drag Jonas down… not even in his death… Kelorin’s death would be a swift and meaningless thing. His vile soul delivered to those who he would bargain it with.

Considerably later, Kliron and Thedran would show up. They would, in their own ways, draw order to my thoughts. Jonas would arrive shortly after that. While garnering his agreement to such a promise… I asked him anyway… to not give me cause to stand between the two to save him… but I knew… even as he promised… that if I were in his boots… a simple promise could never be enough. I would need to prepare. Be ready to stand my ground.

Ali… would tell me round about what Kelorin had told her… tell her that I had agreed to his devious bargain. She would in turn, to spare me and Inara… agree to her own… even with Kelorin’s hateful promise to torment Jonas with it endlessly. As we talked and made dessert together… for the guards that Thedran now had stationed outside… He took me seriously when I said Inara was to be kept safe, and for that I am grateful. May Mercy smile on him…

Ali and I would plan… she would go back on her deal. Refuse him… It was a dangerous gamble, but if we could keep Inara safe… Get Ali trained well enough to keep herself safe, Siomir, Rith, Auriel, Valerius… they all had ways to protect themselves. Kelorin would be forced out in the open. He wouldn’t be so foolish as to try anything during the wedding… Keep them safe before… which I have seen to I think. I’ve kept them warded through the night. They will have a lovely wedding.

Then, after that? We prepare. And we wait. Kelorin is dangerous when angry, yes… I saw that… but I was unprepared. We would not be. He would grow reckless and impatient. He would act, and when he did… I would offer him the only mercy he deserves.

I knew that things would possibly go in our favor… that he might be forced out into the open, where we could see to his end… When his voice ripped through my thoughts later that night.

"I hate you, Saint."

Then I smiled. There would be time to sort this out later… to find where I had made the misstep, and prevent him from gaining higher ground again. For now, I had done all I could. A moment of weakness, but we are stronger together. I wrote this, as difficult as it was, because now? I can truly say that he can speak no worse. I can examine this and find the truths I need. For now… everyone was safe. For now… I’ve a wedding to be ready for. Perhaps Ali was right more than she knew… we needed something good to look forward to. I needed it more than ever.

Mercy be with us, guide us well, for the shadows grow long. Forgive me… may my steps be more guarded, my thoughts and words and actions. May I not make the same mistakes twice… Help me keep Inara safe. We will endure… we will prevail… in the end, there will be only Mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND NINTH ENTRY]
A VIPER IN THE GRASS PART FOUR: WRATH

I felt his anger as I tended the flowerbeds. The winter herbs were ready for gathering. Already the days had begun to grow longer, and milder. Winter’s chill still clung to the night. The mornings were still wreathed in frost, but the days were pleasant. It would be time to plant the spring seeds soon… The children’s lessons had gone smoothly, Inara was down for a nap. So I stepped out to tend the herbs and flowers, maybe ready the garden if there was time…

It was an unexpected rage. Ali and Jonas had gone south for a few days. I would tend Inara in the mean time. Not the honeymoon they deserved, but given the circumstances, there would be time for such things later. I would stop what I was doing, nearly knocked from my feet by the force of the anger that ripped through my thoughts. First, I would look to Inara. Still sleeping peacefully. I didn’t know where Jonas and Ali had gone… just south.

No doubt Juna saw the worry on my face. Her posture becoming more guarded and watchful as she oversaw the children. No one raised brows anymore when I blanketed the red-haired two year old in protections and prayers. The guards around the orphanage noted my actions with seeming more than passing glances, and their own postures changed, coordinated by more of these barely noticeable glances. Wards, windows, doors and the like checked silently, extra eyes on the road, and on me.

I’ve gotten to where the presence is no longer a bother, but a welcome comfort. The children adore the First Company Fist that stay readily close. Especially Thedran. Ever watchful, never hesitates to lend a hand or pass the time in conversation. A welcome blessing these days. With Tessian bound to Trademeet, hopefully successfully this time, and Jonas and Ali away… the place seems… empty. Many of the older children help with the younger ones. The Elven twins keep to themselves, Juna and I take care tending the infant, the place stays busy, of course, with the eldest half dozen running between temple and orphanage, or other things they are suited for. The remaining number, five six year olds, eight seven year olds, a half dozen eight year olds and a half dozen nine year olds… busy is an understatement.

As his emotions turned elsewhere, I went back out to the gardens. No way to know what was going on, or how to reach or help Jonas… I prayed. I would pass the rest of the day, my thoughts dancing from worry to prayer, hardly paying attention to the gardens I was tending. In my distraction, the weeds would get placed in flower pots to bring inside… and the herbs would be weeded out and tossed aside… A subtle shift in the posture of the guards nearest to me would cause me to pause, but before I would see what I had done to my dear garden… the source of my worry would present itself.

The guards studied the man who approached very carefully, relaxing only once they saw his eyes, and determined this step and such to be Jonas. It would take only a scant second more for me to register what was going on.

‘Meri, help . . .'

The anguish in his voice… I couldn’t begin to put it into words. Ali slumped against Jonas, battered and bruised, barely standing. Barely breathing… Her entire side was a mangled burned mess. She shook with every movement. Shock. She was so pale. Finally, she collapsed, were it not for Jonas’ support she would have crumbled like a pile of bricks. Mercy and -love- had carried her all this way.

The wound on her side was grievous, the burning acid still clinging to her flesh. Sand coated the worst of it… tinged pink by blood, the bandages applied were probably her saving grace. They soaked up some of the acid, drawing it from the skin, and stanched the blood that wept from the worse of it. Field medicine is never ideal, but there was no way she could make it to the temple, and it was unwise to let the children see her in such a state. The children… Inara…

‘More water... please. And someone close the shutters to the windows.’

I worked as quickly and gently as I could. I barely registered the others. Tomar brought me some water from the well, Rith closed the shutters. Aearion watched silently… I dared not contemplate the thoughts behind the look in Siomir’s eyes. The depth of hate there… As I looked over the burns Ali suffered my mind flickered to Jonas’ arm… to the images Kelorin had shown me of Jonas before he had healed… My own anger bristled as I worked. Viper. A whimper escaped Ali as the water touched the raw flesh. Bastard.

‘I am sorry... Shh…’

I cleaned the burns and applied an ointment to mend them. They wouldn’t scar badly if they did at all. Her hands bore the marks of fighting for one’s life. A prayer was needed to mend the ribs enough she could breathe easier… Slowly, her breathing leveled.

‘Careful… easy… you are still going to be tender. Can you breathe better now?’

She rasped a thank you. I drew out a water skin and helped her sit enough to take a drink. Ali still shook… from a shock and a painful ordeal that I was loathe to contemplate… and partially at fault for. We agreed to make him angry… draw him out… force him to act foolishly.

I wrapped her in my spare cloak as we discussed who would get to kill the Viper. We helped her inside, Juna had the children in bed. A wall of guards stood between the children’s door and the rest of the orphanage. Silent sentries blocking the view of small eyes. I still worried that if Jonas acted wrongly… if he wasn’t careful… Kelorin would force him to lose control, and would destroy him, not in death, but in making him fall.

Ali and I were seemingly of like mind, though Rith was urging me to rethink my earlier request to Jonas that he not land the killing blows. Siomir of course was glad to volunteer... Maybe Rith was right, perhaps the Loyal Fury would allow Jonas his anger, and the means to make it right...

‘Jonas. You swear to me that your hate for your brother won't fell you... You may tear him into as many pieces you wish, and I won't say a word.’

‘He is irredeemably evil, and must be destroyed, Meri. That is my -duty-.’

‘Then ... as I see it... my only duty is to spare it no other thought so that you may do yours, brother.’

My own tone sounded flat and hollow. Mercy to those who have need of it… even the least deserved… A swift, merciful death to those who would withhold mercy. Kelorin reveled in our pain… in Jonas’ pain. It was Jonas’ duty to destroy Kelorin… My duty to ensure it happened swiftly. I saw no wrong in our anger and our hatred of the Viper. He was worse than Bhaalists… cruel in ways that would make the Lady of Pain proud… Even Mercy’s hand closes in such cases. He had sealed his fate. His end would come… painfully quick.

‘…don't forget the pain…’

Ali spoke after Siomir.

‘Siomir can handle the pain, Jonas. If you were to torture him, it would be revenge.’

‘Yes. Siomir will handle the pain.’

‘There will be no torture.. even if Siomir does it. Will there... Siomir Danneren?’

Rith spoke with a firmness I was unused to hearing…

‘We’ll see.’

Siomir answered, but slowly, his fury was brought into better balance.

‘But only your duty, Jonas. I will stand between you if you misstep. I will not let him get the final laugh in seeing you Fall as he dies.’

There was little else said on that particular subject. Instead it would be discussed how it had happened. He posed as Ali’s contact with her monastery. Not thinking, she went to meet him, alone. How easily he could have killed her… I am sure he is quite content with the what ifs tearing at our hearts and thoughts.

She will need a few days to recover, but the wounds were treated quickly enough there should be no lasting damage… save for our pride. And our peace of mind. In the mean time, I have made it clear that Ali doesn’t travel alone, and that I wish my only Novice protected. There are so very few Ilmatari again… I do not wish to lose them to another foe, especially ones I hold so dear at the hand of a foe I hate as much as any Bhaalist or Loviataran.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND TENTH ENTRY]
Mercy for the Child

For a day that started out so well… I am at my wit’s end… I’ve not slept well, not since Tessian left for Trademeet. Mercy of Ilmater… let him make it there safely and back. This business with his blasted father. Hopefully this attempt to mend this mess goes better than the last attempt. Blasted goblins. And that Elf! Teaching her to swear? Blasted Elf, and …

Listen to me… look at what you are writing Meri. Mercy of Ilmater… grant me a measure of your patience…

The day did start out lovely. Thedran came by with a ‘blanket’ for Inara. The First Company Cloak nearly swallows the bed whole. A couple of buttons and she can wear it like a proper cloak, or use it as a blanket when she wishes. She adores it. It hasn’t been out of her grasp or off of her tiny shoulders since she found it on the bed. And after the care he took to tuck in the corners too. Thedran is such a dear. He offered up a few good ideas that would help the orphanage some too. Not only would it ease things financially, but it would add hands to help, and allow the older ones to learn some more skills and such. Definitely some things worth looking into.

Then come to find out that I had one less worry than I even knew I had… Gareut had apparently threatened Jonas and the others over a dagger of some sort… It compelled him to murder? I may have a greater understanding of magic than I once did… and thanks to Kaden Trent… I understand it is not the magic I need fear or hate, but those who would wield it wrongly. So seldom is magic seen to do good. I didn’t understand the nature of the dagger, or what it was doing… Only that it was safely away and meant to be destroyed, and Gareut was safely behind bars.

There was an unusual amount of traffic in and out for such a late hour, even for the orphanage. Strangers marching through the children’s room and what not. This after Kelorin’s attack, and on top of his threats to harm the children just to spite me, well… people were on edge, myself included. Tempers were unsettled as it were, and a host of small, needling things compounded on one another. Gradually, the mood would continue to unravel as the small hours of the night unfolded. It was such that Siomir and Rith’s cheery antics were wearing on me. Usually it cheered me and put me at ease, this evening it danced clumsily along raw nerves and frayed thoughts.

There was plenty of conversation, some troubling, most of it good enough. It covered friends and events of late. It even covered friends long absent, and old acquaintances newly returned… And there were some faces present I had not seen in a very long time. One of which was a cause of ire for Jonas. I am not sure what she said to him, but was surprised when he raised his voice. I know he was upset about what happened to Ali the day before, but that is the first time I’ve ever known him to slam a door so… of course her speculations and other opinions didn’t help matters… And Ali was still resting. Poor dear. The strain was heavy on Jonas’ shoulders, though I did try to ease the burdens where I was able to. It scarce seems enough some days…

She left shortly after Jonas’ scathing words, and the slamming door woke Inara. My little, precious darling… always was a light sleeper too. She no doubt takes after Jonas in that respect. Smart as she is, she doesn’t entirely understand everything that is afoot, nor should she. The poor dear missed Ali terribly, having gotten little time with her mother since the wedding. She was smart enough to know there was much she wasn’t being told. The evening then became a task of trying to calm her down enough to go back to sleep, and shield her from tempers and harsh words she really shouldn’t overhear.

Tyressen was there, and he didn’t seem well. Though at the time I couldn’t put my finger on the issue. He was on worse behavior than normal. Despite several warnings, he kept swearing in front of Inara.

‘Damn.’

Came the experimental repetition, much to my abject horror. This earned him a scathing glare and a lecture. Of course, I probably should have tossed him out then… and by all that is Mercy, I can’t say why I was possessed to give him a second chance… but I did. Things calmed a bit, and Inara seemed content to curl up next to Siomir and brush Rith’s hair. For all his mischief, he can be a wonder with children… if not for the candy sneaking that he thinks I don’t know about. Call it my indirect way of spoiling her just a touch…. Just as I ‘don’t see’ Tessian giving the children sweets, or I ‘don’t know’ that certain ill-tempered dwarves bring by candy occasionally.

A peace offering of sorts, Tyressen carved Inara a kitten on wheels. He really is skilled at whittling. If he would put his energy into it, it could be more than a hobby. I wish he would put more energy into a proper hobby such as his carving. It would certainly save him some trouble. All things in time, as it always is. He is young, for an elf, and will learn in time. My absentminded musings were halted when I realized she was looking up the stairs toward the attic room where Ali and Jonas were staying.

‘Are they mad at me?’

‘Of course not, darling.’

‘Daddy yelled.’

‘Daddy was upset, but not at you little dearest. He didn’t mean to yell so loud.’

She then started mimicking Ali’s want to slap at the table. Fortunately, Siomir calmly redirected her actions to a pleasant sort of clapping game much like ‘Patty-Cake’. The conversation moved on as her little mind found a new entertainment, and B stopped in to visit. Tyressen’s antics continued… and my patience continued to slowly whither as the big kids were as much trouble this eve as the little children.

Inara tried to offer B a bit of carrot cake, and there was -more- trouble when the offer was intercepted by Tyressen… it took a few more minutes to settle things back down. Fortunately, my kitchen is seldom short on food, and after a bit everyone was situated… including the next batch of newcomers. Tomar, Rhys, and a couple new faces that lingered to speak with the other elves.

Somehow a bread-as-swords-fight got started… in front of Inara… and there was more swearing and near swearing… I considered boxing Elven ears. Mercy forgive me, I truly considered. The conversations rolled and whirled by. And as a child’s mind will, wandered to such things as talking Daddy into ponies and such. This conversation was punctuated by people coming and going as needs and wants must… at one point Tyressen left briefly and returned… Inara had a rather unique greeting. With a grin and all the innocence and cheer a two year old can muster, the earlier lecture about certain words forgotten:

‘Damn!’

‘Inara Rokranon! What did Aunti Meri say about that word?’

Her face instantly dropped, I then turned a wilting glare on Tyressen.

‘Tyressen! If her father hears her say that, I am blaming you. Entirely!’

After another, much more stern lecture about language within the orphanage, around the children, and especially around Inara… the conversation turned from ‘Auntie Meri’s cake’ to more ponies and then to magic. Now, mind you the course of this conversation also covered why ponies are better than big horses like Hoss because Hoss is too big and scary to our two year old darling of the evening… So as it turned to magic and sparklies… I was praying it didn’t get her too wound up.

She was starting to get sleepy again finally. I was certain we had covered the swearing issue within the bounds I was allowed, she was after all, the one child there that I was not entirely in charge of disciplining.
Things were beginning to settle, the moon drifted lazily over us, most of the extra guests had parted. I was pleased overall that people seldom went away from my table hungry, and it was a welcome distraction from the husband my heart dearly missed. My own frayed nerves were calming, and I was beginning to actually get tired myself.

‘Hey Inara! Want so see something cool?’

‘I’m not cold, I have my blankie.’

She wrapped up in the ‘blanket’ from Thedran as she spoke. Simultaneously Tyressen drew out a wand and pointed it at Tomar. Inara’s clap of anticipation quickly turned to a squeal of horror as the already large Tomar was made giant sized. She skittered across the room and into the far corner. She was reaching for me to scoop her up even as I murmured comforts. The others expressing varying degrees of disapproval for Tyressen’s less than thought out action… The room became a din of people trying to soothe the girl or trying to bring Tomar back to his normal size…

Even as she tucked her shaking form into the safety of my arms, I felt it… a faint tugging of something familiar. Though her words were that of a simple toddlers wish to be safe… it carried something more. Drawn from instinct and fear, she sought to protect herself… She drew energy around her, shielding herself. The amazement of what had occurred… She had channeled. The tugging at my own heart was the moving of the Hand of Mercy. She was blessed by Ilmater…

‘It’s alright, darling. It’s a trick, like when uncle Tessian makes coins disappear… It’s still just Tomar… and he’s the right size again, hmm?’

She nodded without looking.

‘Otay. I want to go to bed, Auntie.’

‘Alright, dearest. I will tuck you in and Ilmater will keep you safe.’

Keep you safe indeed… I am ever more amazed at how our paths are carefully guided, how those who ask guidance have just what they need when it is needed. She would sleep finally, though I would not… not yet. First I would have to calm the others down. It was a good thing that came from an act that might have been bad, for something wonderful had been uncovered. It would take years to refine… Years for her to understand what she had been given… the path she had been asked to walk, much training and learning to understand the tools she has… No doubt there wouldn’t be another occurrence any time soon. I was content the potential was there, even if it would be years before it would again manifest… Mercy is Patience. This I know well.

The night would hold one more surprise before I would fall into bed, spent and frazzled. Necromancy at work… a dire sort of thing… and I prayed, even though it was nearly too late by the time it was called to our attention… That something could still be done to mend it. We would start with the obvious things. Removing curses… I would send the poor elf off to bed, though now… with one more puzzle piece in place… some things began to make sense. Much to our frustration the problem was caught months late… Late… but not too late yet. Mercy willing, we’ll yet find a way to mend it.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH ENTRY]
Patience...

I will box that Elf’s ears! His and anyone else’s who swears around the children. One would think that it needn’t be expressly stated that one must mind one’s language in an orphanage… We can utterly leave aside that most people are new to the area, and as such, do not know my own thoughts on swearing in general. It has a time and a place, but that is not in front of my two year old niece, or the other thirty-four children we care fro at the orphanage. Ali had to wash Inara’s mouth out with soap. She seems to think, as two year olds are want to do, that it is amusing. This word… despite the fact that usage has been met with harshness. Hopefully the soap does the trick.

It was good to see Ali up and about today. She was still a bit rattled, and understandably so, but up and about none the less. When she is fully recovered, I intend to see her training resumed. She and I share the thought that she should be prepared with as much haste that prudent action will allow… so that such incidences are not repeated… and if they are, Kelorin will be denied the upper hand.

Ali has a good heart. It is uncanny, the likenesses we share. In thought and heart, in faith, even in the people we care for, though to varying degrees. Each so willing to see the best in people first, and sometimes so narrowly it can be to our detriment. A kindred heart, and a welcome pair of hands. A welcome bit of light in the shadows we must walk through. Each so willing to share the other’s burdens… and at a time when the Ilmatari’s numbers are few, we help keep each other focused.

I was very pleased that Ali and Jonas talked. While I am sure she did not mean him harm in her silence, for in her eyes there was little to talk of… Kelorin was tearing Jonas into small pieces… A process she could slow greatly, if not halt, if she would speak to Jonas on such things. I was not party to the nature of the conversation, nor should I be… I am merely grateful that the two of them seemed greater for it. No doubt, if we are to endure Kelorin… and see him to a proper end… we must do so together, in whole and with open hearts. And this is only our closest trouble of late… so many shadows… Mercy to those who need it, may the Triad favor us all, for we will greatly need faith and heart to succeed.

Speaking of shadows that plague us… I’ve asked the other Ilmatari in the area to contact me as duty permits. With whispers of cults and wars and other ill tidings… it may be wise to know our number and those who may walk Mercy’s paths. It helps too that those of the Radiant Heart wish to expand the clerical numbers with those of like mind, heart and faith. I do wish to pursue this. It will allow a measure of understanding. It may also ease communication among the whole of the Triad, and especially other Ilmatari. There are many of us who walk similar paths, and a few who even walk side by side. However, getting those paths to cross… has proven difficult. Not impossible, just not with the time and efficiency I wish. It is difficult to be able to leave the orphanage. If not for Sister Juna… what a boon the dear woman has been… I doubt I would see much of the temple, much less the city that I hold dear.

Another glaring reminder of the husband I dearly miss. He is always so much help around the Orphanage. He was always good for a picnic, even if it was only as far as the front yard. I do hope he can finish things in Trademeet swiftly. If not for the others, this place would be unmanageable right now, not only because of my state of mind, but simply because there is much to do. Some of the older children have agreed to help teach the younger ones, which is a great boon. There are a few readied for apprenticeships. I also need to speak with Siomir about the Elven twins. I do think the girls would benefit more from proper Elven guidance. There is a couple, Merchants that live in the Gate who may adopt the infant, but there is still much to see to before that can be further considered.

On top of that, even with constant guard, and a fair amount of guards… I truly wish some days the guards could be constant and in greater numbers, but we already place a burden of sorts on the people. The Orphanage is run on donations and the graces of good hearts… And yet, people still seem to think it is perfectly proper to go running through our home, weapons drawn. Blasted Adventurers. I know not all of them can read perhaps, but one would think the fact that the place looks like a large home, with children’s toys about, gardens and what not… Even the almost constant strings of wash that hang to dry when the rains allow… All fair clues before you step foot in the Orphanage. Bearing in mind, of course, that it is unlawful to have wild animals… or large carnivorous, domesticated ‘pets’ romping about the city, and just as unlawful to have weapons drawn… Then to stomp through the place, armed and armored, all hours of the day and night… the poor children!

Mercy! I ask patience more often than not. Truly I do. Threats to the children is something I am all too familiar with, as is blatant rudeness when the moon is high and the children are attempting to sleep… But for many of these adventuring sorts to take offense to -my- offense… Or to accuse us of unkindness when they are asked to stay out of the room full of sleeping children, especially while armed? How am I supposed to react when I have had children kidnapped, held ransomed and killed in the past, to armed brutes running through the place? I ask weapons be placed away and masks removed. Politely… certainly more kindly than the guards might ask… but I am rude and cruel, unaccountable to the faith I claim. It is so very trying. So very tiresome. And yet we endure it. Each night tucking children back into bed, assuring them that they are safe… and praying that isn’t a falsehood.

Not all of them are bad mind you, and most are reasonable. Most I enjoy when they do visit. Many offer more help and kindness than I could ask for. One of the many Mercies that I am thankful for. I simply wish there were -less- of the other sort. We are mostly safe, but I am letting my heart rule my mind, and not my faith… my heart is unsettled and seeks things out of reach presently. All things in time, even this. Patience is not only weathering great storms, but standing still and quiet in gentle rain.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND TWELFTH ENTRY]
Less than Ideal

Well it seems that Tyressen’s problem is not so simple as we thought. Nor can he be mended the traditional ways. Things were a blur, and confusing. This is definitely not the typical necromantic curse. It seems that somewhere there is also a vampire involved. And blasted wizards! Some sort of scrying magic, which had Rith and the others most upset. He hasn’t much time, but we don’t have enough information. Vauk has agreed to do some research and speak with us soon. In the mean time, he has been moved to the Fist complex, where if he does wake and is violent… can’t do harm to himself or others. If we can’t mend this soon, we may not be able to save him. Worse still, if he does -die- … I can’t say he could be recalled from death. Not sure who this wizard is, or what he holds against Tyressen… Hopefully we can get some answers soon.

There was also much discussion over B and her ‘daughter’. This is becoming quite the mess. The Sanctuary meant to buy them time, to allow us to figure out what to do with Sheira… is seen as a prison. It would seem no matter what actions we take, many are going to be unhappy, there will be bloodshed and duty will be upheld. The only questions are, who is unhappy by the end… and who bleeds, be it figuratively or literally.

I do not argue that Beatrix needs to pay penance for her crimes, which are both numerous and grave, but I wish to see it done without it being at the girl’s expense. An offer to help see redemption, and a promise to protect the girl… is proving difficult. Beatrix’s redemption may not come in the manner she wishes, or in a manner perfectly ideal for her and Sheira, but it will come… in one form or another… Sheira, I have promised to look out for her best interests, which is both difficult to determine and difficult to see to.

I often wonder if it is at Beatrix’s side and direction that she will benefit. The girl is willful, stubborn and proud. Goodness her pride will end her. If not sooner, later, if she doesn’t seek to separate it from herself. Her time before Beatrix’s aid has left her bitter and self reliant. Unwilling to accept help, and often unwilling to listen. She needs a firm hand, and discipline. Something Beatrix seems too gentle in, discipline. Sheira scared poor Juna half to Death’s door… Shot an arrow, to show off mind you, and narrowly missed Juna as she pinned the arrow to the wall.

I’ve no doubt she is good at it, her archery is impressive… but it has no place in the temple. I also understand that she is a twelve year old girl cooped up in a temple. She has learned much from Beatrix, a lot of it Beatrix thinks she should not have. Beatrix has been trying her best, truly, and I can’t fault her for that, but I am not sure that she… or even I… could guide the girl into a proper adult. Her bitter anger is even much for me to get through to. Siomir got her to listen briefly… when the pair all but had knives at each other’s throats. I am not sure, after observing Sheira, that I could manage her… at least not so long as she is unwilling to heed wisdom and authority. And Mercy knows -I- can’t hold a knife to her neck… anymore than I can abide her holding one to mine…

Which is another thing. Where in Toril does a twelve year old girl get more weapons than the local armory?! And WHY does she truly need so many? This was among the many topics that swirled around the pair that have Sanctuary within the temple. Tomar and many of the others are worried I will keep Beatrix from Tyr’s Justice… which is not nor has it ever been my intent. Beatrix is the only one who Sheira listens to, and if I can’t buy enough time for Beatrix to get through to Sheira, then Sheira will follow Beatrix’s path to her own ruin.

Suggestions of a Mark, and of Beatrix serving her penance after Sheira is old enough to take care of herself were both met without much agreement or enthusiasm. The Dinner with Sir Bizantine was a near disaster. Tensions were far too high to be productive. There aren’t many options where Sheira gets what she wants, much less Beatrix… and perhaps… that is for the best. I’ve sought the kindest path for them both, but at this point I think we will have to settle for the lesser evils and hope that Sheira is wise enough to understand the path that she and Beatrix both walk… be it together or apart.

Perhaps in my want to see the girl happy, my view has been too narrow. I need to pray on this, and I ask guidance. I’ve set my feet upon my own path, and must remain true to both duty and my word. Beatrix will have her redemption and Sheira will have what is best for her, but the question is: How? In this I need guidance. Before the situation gets further out of hand… Ilmater guide us all in this, may the whole of the Triad be pleased by the end of this. Justice served, the girl safe… as mercifully as possible…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND NINTH ENTRY]
A VIPER IN THE GRASS PART FIVE: BETWEEN BROTHERS

It had been mostly quiet, at least for me. Kelorin had perhaps stopped wasting his time. He had made his hate for me clear. With every attempt to shatter us, to break Jonas… we strengthened each other… Because we were together. We shared a unique bond… our small group. One forged by friendship, love, loyalty, and even faith… further strengthened in our trials of fire and faith, battle tested and proven. Our actions and interactions, almost a subconscious dance as our lives twined, seemed to play off of one another subtlety, and some not so much.

So it was rather obvious as the morning passed into afternoon that something was amiss when Ali did not return from her walk. I try not to be constricting. I know it is my nature to be protective, more so because she is with child. My duty has long been about the children. All of them, be they mine to care for or not… this one… Because Jonas is my oath-sworn brother… Because Ali is his wife… because she is my sister in faith and in spirit… because of all the souls I consider dear, hers is closest… Second to Ali could only be Joan or Rith these days. There are fewer now that I trust so implicitly. For the best perhaps… But it makes me all the more protective of these who are so close.

Ali was missing. That much was clear by evening. I did not sleep that night… I know Jonas did not. I had never seen him so… out of sorts. It was almost worse than when Torm withdrew from him while madness raged through his mind. This was a different sort of madness. A madness that is kindred to me of a sort. To be missing those you love… I know it well. I have sympathized with Beatrix, yes… but with Jonas… aside from understanding I could sense it. Gone was his usual calm and comforting undertone. He was sheer chaos, completely at a loss. I watched and prayed as this pillar of strength buckled now… I felt as though all I could do was too little…

He wandered, and I spent hours in meditation. Focusing myself past his worry and fear… past my own, so that I might offer strength and comfort. What hours were not spent in prayer… were spent walking, asking, seeking, praying some soul had seen something or could shed some light on where she might be. It was the utter, blinding anguish… crippling, and left even -me- struggling to breathe for a moment… that broke through my meditations. Later Brother Marcus would say I had not flown from my prayers as such since Billy was discovered missing. I feared the worst… and I prayed against all hope as I sought Jonas out, that whatever it was… we could still mend it.

I found him, standing in the temple of Tyr with Rith, Tomar, Charraj, and he looked a mess. Through some coaxing… details were brought to light. Kelorin had used a child, tricked a child, or taken the form of a child… to trick Ali… Lure her away from the safety of others. Then he had “Soultrapped” her. Foul spell… My prayer began to be for the unborn child. I do not think Ali or Jonas could bear losing another. Not that I would allow it… I did not care if I would drain myself to near nothingness… They would not loose this child, my mind had long since been made up on such.

More details came to light… The gem was tossed through a portal. We would need to go after it. The others suggested “Wishing” it back to us… however that is a very tricky bit of arcane magic… and none present had the skill. Charraj scried for the gem, despite my own wariness of scrying… and Rith’s cautioning not to. It was brief, but the scenery was vaguely familiar. Lower planes… the Abyss perhaps? And by the image we saw, in the hand of a demon… a large one. I knew if we traveled there, my channeling would be less effective, as would Jonas’ gifts from Torm, Tomar’s from Tyr. So I made my way through the city… gathering supplies.

By the time I had returned, we had been joined by River, the free-spirited Bardess, Siomir, Ramas, Leonia… I counted our number and was glad that I had gotten extra scrolls. It was a grand group, and one I knew well how to fight with. We each knew the place we would hold in battle, knew the moves of the others, knew the tactics, the strategies, the plans… And with little more than passing glances, those places were reaffirmed.

They were still discussing ways to gain the gem without traipsing the Abyss, and I spoke up finally. I did know a prayer after all… less likely to go awry than a “Wish” spell. Less sinister hands in such a thing. A prayer I was willing to make the sacrifice for, and one Ilmater would oblige so long as I did not abuse the gifts granted me… “Miracle” We could will her back, through force of faith alone. None. Hold. That. Which. Is Mercy’s. None.

So it was agreed. I began to pray. Perhaps not the familiar prayers of the clergy, but ones that Ilmater has come to expect from me. I stood before him as a willing servant, as a child, and asked most humbly for his aid. I asked that we be able to free Alistaria, that we be able to end this once and for always. I asked Mercy for the Rokranons, all of them. I asked for the means and the faith to see this done… and slowly, as the prayer took shape, the Divine energies that I may so easily attune to began to work through me. That familiar buzzing in my ears, the light before my eyes… on a greater scale than typical healing prayers and such… Faith and Duty aligned. The request was made, though I was unsure which of these Ilmater would grant, I was unprepared for what came next.

I stood there, in the temple of Tyr… for all intents and purposes at the very feet of Ilmater. Calm in his presence, comforted, assured in my tasks and my faith. Patiently, I awaited his answer, The distant sound of children’s laughter touched my ears through the noise. Energy built and focused as I offered forth the price expected of such a boon. For not even Mercy offers such things without a price, so that we may understand and appreciate the thing we ask, the gift we are granted…

There was a blinding flash as the Hand of the Divine began to move… When our vision cleared… we stood in the place we had seen in the mirror… Very confusing to say the least… cautiously we looked about to gain our bearings, unsure what had happened… It is a powerful bit of interference to cause such a prayer to go awry… This worried me. However, this worry was calmed by the gentle whisperings of Ilmater… Though the intent of the prayer had been thwarted… perhaps it was the nature of the prayer that kept our connections to the Triad strong in the Abyss? I could not say I understood… Nor was there time to question it.

We were beset by demons… we threw ourselves into battle, knowing that Ali was here… somewhere… and hoping that was close. Praying. We pressed onward, through demon after demon. They tried to best us by surrounding us. River’s voice blended with Leonia’s a beautiful song that became the melody to this deadly chorus we raised. The clashing of blades and whispers of arrows added rhythm to this wonder, punctuated by prayers and battle cries… the agonized growls and guttural grumbles of dying demonic foes. Over the music we made, the fluid words of the arcane as Rith sent spells forth in a flurry I had not seen in all the days I had known her. It was… as I look back on it… Truly inspiring to see faith and heart, sheer will at work in that desolate place of the Abyss…

Despite wave after wave, we were keeping our spirits high… and eventually, still mostly well, though rather worn… We stood before the largest Balor I had ever seen. He spat Abyssal tripe at us, and we struggled to understand his words… I prayed clarity from Ilmater… Though Rith had stated she was almost positive what the thing said was “Please hit my face with a great sword…” Let it not be said that the Abyss lacked manners…

'WHY ARE YOU HERE?!'

It screamed at us. Jonas’ fury was evident.

‘Be careful of your words now, brother.’

I cautioned Jonas… I still half expected some trick of some sort.

‘You have something that we seek. Something that does not belong to you.’

'What is this? So that I may put it in your eye socket when I have slain you twice over…'

‘The Gem. Don’t feign ignorance.’

The demon retorted with laughter and something about dead fools… Jonas let loose a battle cry as we prepared to fell the thing before us.

‘To the Abyss with yo-- … oh!’

And with that he shrugged and raised his sword. More fighting ensued… until at last another demon, larger than the one before… stood in front of us and sneered angrily.

‘Have we met? I never can tell.’

Good. Jonas was abandoning worry and fear… his confidence was gaining foothold again. Ramas spoke next, his voice a level calm.

‘I think a little diplomacy is called for, Sir Rokranon.’

He stepped forward, this giant of a man before this giant of a demon… and I listened, my hand on my healing supplies and a prayer on my thoughts. I watched… almost amused as Ramas flashed his best smile at the beast. The demon continued to whine plaintively about his dead lieutenant.

‘Could you please kneel so that I may take your head without the usual mess?’

‘Please?’

Jonas quickly added in the interests of diplomacy.

‘We are trying to be reasonable here.’

'Here for this then?'

He held up an onyx that gleamed in the odd light of the abyssal waste around us… it reflected the cruel fire of his eyes. Jonas’ demeanor shifted instantly, and I moved to sturdy this pillar I held so dear. So long had he kept me standing through so much… and now it was my time to return the favor. The demon scratched a long claw across the gem’s surface.

‘Don’t do that.’

Jonas’ fury rose, rightly so… but still.

‘Peace brother. Calm.’

His jaw clenched but he nodded.

'Do what? This?'

The demon taunted as he ran his claw across the surface with grating slowness.

‘-No-!’

Jonas called out, wincing as the demon continued to try to rile him.

‘Peace brother… Do not let it goad you so.’

The demon grinned as Ramas stated calmly that damaging the gem wasn’t actual harm to Ali, that if it broke it would free her… Jonas’ words came, and the note of pain in them was unmistakable.

‘He’s hurting her.’

‘Strength of faith…’

I murmured a prayer to help his resolve and whispered softly in his ear.

‘Ali is strong… her faith is strong… She will endure and we will take them home, safely. Calm.’

As the brief conversation continued it was very evident to the demon… and to us what was -intended- to happen. Kelorin had hoped that we, in our quest to seek Ali and free her, would destroy the demon that held his pact, thus freeing him. A clever gambit… but it was unraveling before his golden eyes. I reached then, to the very depths of my faith to call forth some measure of mercy for Kelorin.

I worked hard to quell the emotions I felt as I looked on Kelorin’s pitiful countenance. Part of me was still angry… dare I say that to some measure I hated him… I would be lying to say I did not at the very least… despise him with every measure of my being, more than perhaps the demon who stood between us. But for all my anger and indignation… the one most wronged by him stood, and spoke calmly.

‘I told you, Kelorin. I told you that you sealed your fate.’

Yes. He would ask for Mercy… and he would receive it in the measure he was due. As much as I like to believe all creatures will take a second chance when offered… I knew… this one… would not. Oh. He would take the chance… but there would be no redemption. He would slink away, the hate and want for pain so deeply ingrained in his soul that he would find other victims… The cycle would continue. If we did not end this… the cycle would continue until his death. He had proven that once already.

I would not see Jonas endure another twenty years at the whims of a Viper. None of us would… The only Mercy Kelorin would find… was a swift death… and by no other hand… than the twin of flesh and blood that he had so wronged. That… was the Triad. Whatever ill machinations had drawn us to the abyss… I would see more than one part of the prayer I had offered answered this day. Perhaps this was the Gods’ way of turning things right even though a wrong had been committed? Tyr’s Justice would come at the hand of the Loyal Fury’s most faithful of the region… and the Hand of Mercy need only see that it was swift.

‘He is yours to deal with, Jonas. We will handle the demon while you set your house in order.’

Ramas had said it, but I think no other there would have denied Jonas that right. Whether the others heard the whisper or not… instinctively and with no other words between us, we took our places. The other swordsmen subtlety worked to surround the demon and separate Kelorin from the beast… Jonas moved ever so slightly to face Kelorin. Silently we regarded each other, our resolves unwavering. I took a position between the two groups and prayed my swift feet never failed me, especially not now…

“Kill the cleric first… and the others die quickly enough…”

Kelorin’s old threat echoed through me as I called “Sanctuary”. I would not be among the number of those who fell.

‘Brother… You have to Help me!’

The demon offered to spare Kelorin… to forgive the attempted treachery. ALL Kelorin had to do… was slay all of us… Kelorin screamed about the demon lying… And Jonas’ answer came without hesitation.

‘Of course he lies. That is what demons do. You knew this. You knew this when you chose this path!’

Kelorin offered more pleading. It was then that I realized, as Jonas spoke… that I never had to worry over him falling. For as he spoke, he carried no malice. No want for vengeance… only want to end it. To stop this cycle of pain, see justice met, and his wife and child protected. The ones he loved protected. To see this evil that was Kelorin -ended-.

‘I told you I would only help you if you submitted to justice.’

As Kelorin’s feeble composure gave way to an unbridled. indignant rage, his face twisted in anger and he screamed… The last words I heard from Kelorin Rokranon were:

‘IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT YOU!!!! I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN WITH ME!!! It's over, you selfish bastard. One way or the other, it's over.’

And how right he was. The was the end… the final verse of the lament that was Kelorin Rokranon, Ramas called out as the demon sought to make use of our distraction. From the corner of my eye I saw the demon‘s blade rise even before Ramas‘ words reached my ears:

‘Jonas, attend your brother!’

For all the glory of our previous battle… this one… against Kelorin, this demon and his servants… This was a chorus that shook the whole of the Abyss. More glorious and melodic than the one that came before. Rith… Her power was truly astounding. She held nothing back as we fought. I called prayers to move the very heavens, and the sound of bow and bard song and clash of steel and claw… The final measure of music rising to wondrous crescendo as the demon and Kelorin cursed each other.

Then for a moment… there was an odd silence. Deafening in the wake of battle. Kelorin and the demon lay dead… Jonas looked about for the gem that held Ali’s soul… after we were able to calm Siomir down… May it be mercy that few end up on the wrong side of that primal fury in the elf. For I fear that is the only mercy they will find… We stood and looked at each other. Mostly unharmed, but very well exhausted. We had seen it through mostly. The head of the viper had been removed. The Viper in the grass lay dead at our feet.

Once the gem was in hand, we became aware of the mass of denizens we had aroused. Like vultures to the smell of decay, or sharks to the scent of blood… they were coming to snuff out this holy intrusion. And argue over who took the ranks abandoned by the ones we had destroyed.

‘… Find us a way out or a place to make a stand…’

Ramas’ words reached my exhausted ears over the din of gnashing teeth and wailing souls. We had no time… and we had no exit… at least… not yet. One more prayer… Well two… First I prayed I had the strength to do what needs must. Second… I asked all the Triad to open a way for us. Jonas was right. We were not accepting death here. Not now… not after all of this.

‘We must protect Meri as she prays!’

And as the sounds of battle rang out around me… slowly… it was replaced by the buzzing in my ears. Faith is strength. It has never failed me. Lo! Though I may have failed in the past, mortal as I am… my faith has never failed me. Our faith in the Triad has never failed us. As the tide of demons neared, and threatened to overtake us, a portal opened… beyond it.. The Tyrran temple. It would not fail us now.

We tumbled through the portal, that swiftly closed once we were all through. I felt the toll of the energy moved… but was more than relieved that we had recovered the gem. I watched silently as Jonas placed the gem on the Tyrran alter… and drew his sword down on it. A force I was surprised he possessed… but not surprised he could muster to save his wife and child.

Ali seemed to stumble from the gem, whole and unharmed… and after a moment of careful checking… I was assured that both she and the child were fine, despite the magic used. A mercy among the many we had been granted this day. For all our loss and our suffering… I was content in these Mercies this day. Great as they were. I stood, a humble, grateful… willing servant of Ilmater. Though I don’t think I stood long… I sat down on the bench, watching Ali and Jonas for a time…

I suppose I had fallen asleep, because I woke some time later, in bed. The sounds of quiet voices downstairs. Sister Juna had gotten the children to bed… everything was in order. Amid so much shadow, it was nice to have a reason to celebrate. I know Ali’s stomach was unsettled from the pregnancy, but I wanted to make something grand! A meal befitting the victory we had. So I did.

We were mostly through the meal when Ali remembered that the girl… was actually a girl, and had been trapped by Kelorin. She felt bad for forgetting this… but given all that had happened… in her state, she was fortunate to remember her name, much less anything else. Mercy of Mercies… Kelorin’s coin pouch had been looted, and there within, another gem. Ramas… May Mercy forever smile on him… Shattered the gem holding the young girl with a club sized for the nearly seven foot tall man… and my table and three chairs… half the dishes… But… Blessedly, the girl was safe and sound.

Despite being upset over her ordeal, and not understanding that Jonas was not Kelorin… She was returned safe and sound to her family. The table can be replaced. For now I have the spare chairs out… And a pair of barrels that were full of salted meats over some shelves. No doubt it will be right as rain in a day or two.

The rest of the evening was a grand affair full of laughter and celebration. Slowly, everyone trickled off to some much deserved rest. I will sleep soon. I felt it best to commit thought to word, and word to quill and parchment first. My final thoughts now, before I seek rest… I do hope Mercy guards Tessian as closely. For of all the mercies that are mine to hold… He is my most precious. I miss the man dearly. I hope things go well in Trademeet. I will write Iliara and Dracius in the morning. For now… I offer prayers. For now… I am content that in the end… There is only Mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND TENTH ENTRY]
Mercy to the Broken-Hearted

// Written as tribute to an awesome bit of Roleplay. Hope everyone likes it…. Especially you, Randall.
I totally swiped the original writing from the other thread for this journal entry since it didn’t vary much from Meri’s own expression of it. I had an entry written, but computer issues caused this entry and one other to be lost before I could post them. So this serves to fill the gap, and I will likely have another entry posted today or tomorrow =) //

The moon was bright, lending an otherworldly glow to the sandy beach. The stars lent a sparkle to the lazy ocean waves. The breeze was gentle and balmy. It was a perfect night for a beautiful wedding. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, nor a cloud on the faces of the crowd gathered around the nervous groom.

The bride’s father shifted his weight from foot to foot in anticipation for what was to come. There were several good friends of the soon to be happy couple in attendance. Among them, Sir Jonas Rokranon, Crassus Lannesen, Aearion Caunwaithon, the Ilmatari Meric Marshellow, and on the fringes… a hooded man in the shade of a tree sat on the cliff that overlooked it all. Laughter rippled back and forth through the guests. Off to the side, the majestic griffon, Twiddle stood watching. Seeming to enjoy the mood as much as Randall was. The one called the Beast stood, and spoke quietly to the saint, who would oversee the wedding.

The guests settled about on the shore, and with perfect timing… the bride stepped from the shadows near the beach-side cave. The fiery haired woman was a vision in a graceful white dress that seemed to shimmer in the dim light. Overhead Selune smiled from her highest perch, lovely as she was… she remained just out of sight of her intended. She had scarce come into view, offering little more than a cuing nod to the Saint. She smiled at the bride, blessing the spot that would serve as the ‘alter’ for the couple.

“Thank you, everyone for coming. This will be an occasion to make the Lady of Joy herself smile.”

The tiny priestess said, as Randall took his place.

“Where is the bride?”

She asked as she looked at Randall, a slight smile played at her lips as she kept to the unusual opening… a request of the pair she would be marrying this night.

“Well then, Randall perhaps you would be so kind as to choose the lovely lady from the crowd who has captured your heart so?"

The imposing figure of a woman grinned goofily and eyed the crowd. There was no shortage of lovely ladies in attendance. The young minstrel Tamara, smiled as her other senses offered vision to the world and the joy she could not see. Leonia, who stood offering wit and laughter simply grinned at Randall and miss Ailie Wilmsteen. A pair of mysterious ladies stood on the skirt of the crowd… but for all the lovely faces, each faded drastically as Marjolaine stepped into view.

"Well… I must say that there's… quite the choice. There's a lot of pretty girls here… It's… kind of hard to chose…"

The muscled woman answered with a grin as she considered each in turn.

"Though, there's only one with who I want to spend the rest of my life…"

Her words trailed off as she caught sight of her bride. Slowly she made her way to Marjolaine… who stood smiling brightly. If possible her smiled grew with each step.

"Marjolaine… Would ye like to accompany me to stand near the saint?"

She grinned, eyes shining with mischief.

“Too late to say ‘no’?”

“Of course!”

The taller woman grinned, scooping up the red-headed beauty and carrying her to the ‘wedding alter’.

A wave of laughter fell from the bride’s lips… and washed over the crowd, drawing chuckles from some… Even the ocean seemed to laugh with the joy of those gathered… The bride’s father laughed… almost hysterically… As Randall gently set Marjolaine in front of Merielle, who beamed a smile at the whole group.

“We are ready, Merielle. She is the one.”

Randall smiled glancing between them.

“If I may humbly ask the blessing of the bride’s father?”

Merielle looked to Mister De Rose, who had muttered impatiently from time to time, but been mostly quiet. He focused on Merielle and grinned, nodding.

“Not long now…”

He said, and the Saint nodded. It seemed he was equally eager to see his daughter wed, as she was to be wed. Thus, the ceremony began.

"We stand here together as friends among dear friends to celebrate a joyful occasion. Love moves in its own way, seeking its own path. Sometimes we see it for such right away, sometimes… it dawns on our hearts as a new song full of bright and sudden promise. May all that is light and Mercy, Joy and all that is good forever smile on this day."

The small priestess focused on the tallest of the pair in front of her, and her tone took on a more serious note… though the cheer did not leave her voice.

“Randall Armstrong, do you promise, here and now, all that is yours to give to the woman who stands at your side?"

"It is my greatest wish, of course… Yes, I do…"

"Place your ring on her finger, please. May your love forever be as unbroken as the circle it represents."

Randall took the ring and placed it on Marjolaine’s finger, the two somehow seemed to become happier with each moment.

"I ask you now, to speak your vow to her and her alone."

"Marjolaine. Since the first day we kissed, I have learned to live again.
Yer love gave me hope, and the will to be a better man.
On this day, my love, I promise to ye in front of the world that ye will be my only flame.
I want to wake up near ye every morning. I promise that until time catches us…
Whatever happens, what I feel for you in this very moment… will never fade.”

It was a simple promise, from the heart of a Man who had been cursed by the gods to live as a woman… and learn from it. It was the simple promise of one called the Beast… willing to change for the better… willing to love forever. A promise given straight from the heart.

"Marjolaine De Rose, do you promise, here and now, all that is yours to give to the woman who stands at your side?"

“With all my heart…I do.”

Her voice trembled with the emotion of the moment… Her eyes glistened, her intended’s words echoing through her very heart.

"Place your ring on her finger, please. May your love forever be as unbroken as the circle it represents."

Marjoliane and Randall’s eyes never left one another’s as the ring was placed on her finger.

"I ask you now, to speak your vow to her and her alone."

She took a steadying breath, and softly, full of love and devotion, her voice poured forth the thoughts of her heart and soul.

“Randall, I come here today to join my life to yours before our friends and family.
In their presence, I pledge to be true to you…
To respect you, and to grow with you through the years.
Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may overcome;
No matter what we may encounter together,
I vow here that this love will be my only love.
Joy is eternal. I will make my home in your heart, from this day forward and forever.”

The priestess nodded to each, smiling brightly… though nothing could outshine the joy of the happy couple… not even the Saint’s halo.

"By the Hand of Mercy, and with the blessings of Liira, the Lady of Joy… I do declare you rightfully wed. … You may now kiss your bride!"

The kiss was full of passion and devotion. There were joyful tears throughout the crowd. As if it were a page from a fairy tale… the Gods chose this moment to lift the curse… Slowly, the air around the pair shimmered and glowed… a cloud of sparks and glimmering starbursts surrounded the pair as the kiss continued. The crowd looked on in awe and wonder as Randall was returned to his male form. The bride and groom seemed utterly lost in the kiss.

“Mercy of Ilmater…”

“The Curse is broken.”

“Didn't happen to me… and I tell you Alison's kiss is better.”

“I now pronounce you -husband- and wife, by the Hand of Mercy and with the Blessings of Liira.”

She corrected with a stunned expression. Finally the kiss was broken by a shout… it seemed out of place in the joy of such a moment.

“Enough of this!”

All eyes turned to Victor De Rose as he glared venomously at his daughter and her husband.

"You, you are not worthy of my daughter! She shall not marry a criminal such as yourself!"

He pointed angrily at Randall… a blast of hellish power leaving his hand… it was that fateful moment that Marjolaine proved undying love, in that moment… when she stepped between the Hells and her husband… and for a moment the world seemed to halt…

Then everything happened at once… Marjolaine fell into Randall’s arms, and those near him tackled Victor… The beauty of the moment shattered, as surely as Marjolaine’s weakening body.

“What?! No!!”

The agonized shout of Randall drown out all other shouts from the others… Victor was beaten near to death in an instant by the Ilmatari monk, Meric… Merielle moved quickly, trying with all her heart to mend Marjolaine’s broken form.

“Mercy of Ilmater!”

“Come NOW… It’s time!”

Victor yelled over the beating he was receiving. The large demon and the other lesser demons that followed drew the cruel man’s attackers away as they now had to face servants of the Abyss. None being prepared for a fight, it looked dire. Merielle’s desperate prayers barely heard over the battle… barely heard over the agonizing exclamations of Randall as Marjolaine’s life was quickly draining from her…

“Marjo…”

He said her name over and over… oblivious to the battle that raged on and was barely won. The demons were returned where they had come from… and at the whisper that came from Marjolaine… the Saint’s prayers stopped short… Merielle choked back her own tears… She still tried desperately to staunch the flow of blood as the newly weds… said good bye.

“You showed me a joy I could never have imagined…”

“Marjo… please… fight.”

He pleaded… but her sacrifice was made… so did she love him… As her last breath fell from her lips, her eyes shone… not with regret or despair, nor pain or anguish… but love. Pure and perfect in every moment to its very end. Barely heard ‘I love yous…’

“Merielle… isn’t there something… you can do?"

She offered her most potent prayers. Though Fate had already taken a firm hold… Marjolaine, Love’s Martyr, had passed… Meri gently reached over and closed the woman’s eyes.

“Mercy forgive me… Randall… I am so … so very sorry…”

She spoke, barely above a whisper to the grieving warrior… the blood of his beloved mixing with the tears of his breaking heart.

"It's-- It's… my fault. She's dead… because of me. Because I wanted to be happy… I shouldn't… I didn't deserve it… I should have known it… This is… my work… again…"

He choked on his words. The others hastened to reassure him, and offer him what little comfort they could, though to his grieving ears... it was no doubt hollow.

“It is not your fault. She loves you. You made her the happiest I have ever seen her.”

Blame was laid at Victor’s dying feet. The assembly gazed on the man who murdered her daughter at the alter, eyes full of loathing and confusion. Victor’s last words drew only more anger from the others. Oath-brother regarded Oath-sister, and both looked to Randall, the pain clearly etched on his face.

"I… I'm sorry… for being what I am. I won't… hurt… anyone, ever."

"It will not trigger the Mark to destroy this evil, Randy."

“Mercy of Swift Death… He has made his words useless here.”

The Mark of Justice… the mark willingly taken to prove the Beast’s want for redemption… Justice… he was being offered for the death of his bride…

“I am sorry… I need… to leave…”

He said as he gathered his bride and climbed onto the back of his griffon. The look he gave Jonas… was haunted and full of suffering… Despite everyone’s wish to ease it… the efforts were scant more than a tear in the ocean. There would be… many tears in the ocean this day… Day… For the dawn had slowly broken over the scene on the beach. It seemed as bright and full of the hope and promise that should have been for the married couple… It seemed to mock the blood on the otherwise pristine sand…

"I do not… wish… vengeance… against him…"

Randall answered slowly. The griffon seemed to understand the moment for what it was, and waited for Randall’s instruction.

"Please… My dear friend… Take me where it started…"

With that, the griffon’s mighty wings flapped and the trio was alight over the waves. The ocean itself tossed waves up, seeming to draw Randall’s tears as they flew from sight. The wedding guests… then turned back to the dying warlock. The true beast. The real monster… beyond redemption… who had killed his own daughter on the day that was to be her most joyous.

"Swift death for traitors."

Once the griffon was gone from view, Jonas spoke with bitter conviction… Then drove the point of Torm’s Truth into the man. Victor De Rose, pact-maker, murderer, cruel husband and father… was dead

The guests, stunned and confused, in various states of grief and anger began to depart… The body of Victor was taken to be burned. Many wondered what would become of Randall… for the whole of his want to become a better person had been in Marjolaine… Many prayed he had the strength to maintain his path…

And so ended… the wedding… so ended… Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong… Painfully too soon as they had barely begun.
~~

[Though daddy did mind… this song is hauntingly appropriate for the Armstrong Wedding]


My young love said to me
My mother won't mind
And my father won't slight you
For your lack of kind

She stepped away from me
And she moved through the fair
And fondly I watched her
Move here and move there
And then she went homeward
Just one star away
Like the swan in the evening
Moves over the lake

Last night she came to me
My dead love came in
So softly she came
That her feet made no din
And she laid her hand on me
And this she did say
It will not be long now
And she moved through the fair
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWO HUNDRED AND ELEVENTH ENTRY]
The Shadows That Pass

The days have been quiet of late. At least, quiet as far as days on the Coast seem to go… A blessing I’ll take, no matter how small the measure. Tessian finally made it back from Trademeet safely. The last of the issues with his father are behind us… in fact, a great deal of issues are behind us. It is a pleasant thought. He brought pleasant words from Brother Dracius and Lady Iliara… He seems his jovial self… a boon of cheer as I have grown to love over the months. Though… it seems he has settled into his own duties a bit. Or at least settled into the idea of mine.

He’s… more serious of late, helping almost ceaselessly with the children. That isn’t to say that he still isn’t a bit of mischief when he can get away with it… or my valiant savior form seriousness when I need it… He is just, more … grounded, I suppose. He’s content to spend the rest of his days at my side, with our house full of children and hearts full of laughter… I truly think I can live with that, Mercy willing… it will be a good long while.

Jonas and Ali had an actual honeymoon. I haven’t been to see it yet, but apparently for the whole time that Inara stayed at Doron Amar… she redecorated for them… painting as much as she could and was allowed to from about three feet down. I am sure the place looks stunning in all the colors of the rainbow and then some. Maybe I should have warned Siomir and Rith’alaria about the love of paint? She had a wonderful time… And Jonas and Ali enjoyed themselves despite her morning sickness. How blessed they are… I wonder if they know the blessing they offer me by sharing such a joy?

There has been no further word from Beatrix since she left word she needed to travel to follow up on a lead. I truly hope her path is kind to her. I can do little more at this point than offer support. I pray the girl is well… and that Mercy go with them both… I do wish there was more that could be done to help, but as Jonas said… our hands are tied in this. Duty and oath bound… and knowing well that the heart cannot always have what it so longs for… It doesn’t stop me from hoping for the best, or praying it come to pass… or doing what little I can. I do hope she is careful though. Sanctuary may have bought her time… but it is hardly indefinite… or far reaching as Amn… I worry for them both, but little can be done for it. I shall simply have to trust that this will work out as it should, as so many things often do.

There have been small happenings and mishaps. Everything from the pig that got loose and ran amuck in the gardens, to the toad the boys brought in to terrorize the girls with… and subsequently lost for a time. Tessian has yet to explain how the contents of the stew pot ended up in the rafters over the stove… Simple little things that, respectively amuse me. I suppose it is the things like that which make me feel… human. Fixing cuts and scrapes up, tending upset stomachs. The washing, studious tasks of teaching… Small Mercies each.

Duties at the temple continue. Our food supplies have held much of the winter, and with pledges of continued aid from various places, they should hold until early harvests. The rains have fallen into the normal spring pattern with occasional storms. We still feed a rather large number, as well as treating many of the adventurers who get in over their heads or fall ill to some poison or toxic bite of this creature or that.

Ali’s training goes well. I think she is ready to be titled Adorned. She has been taking up more of the duties at the temple, relieving some strain on Brother Marcus and myself. Brother Marcus ages gracefully enough for a priest of his years, but he is entitled to rest from time to time. With Ali’s help I have been able to focus more on the Orphanage. This is good since we have been trying to help some of the older children find apprenticeships and such. Jonas has been a sheer blessing in that. He will often take one or two. There is plenty of work for them… and so many of them have such prospects.

Hard to believe that most of them had little more to look forward to than life on the streets just a handful of months ago. Then again… I find it difficult to wrap my brain around a great many things. It is staggering to pause and look back on the path I have walked so long. Much less to contemplate the impact I have managed to have on the paths of others. Yet I wonder… who has blessed who? Have I blessed them in my passing? Caused them more than due trouble? Have they done so for me? Who could say but the gods and fate itself?

Perhaps the only thing of note lately has been a brief and blessedly temporary uprising of Bhaal’s faithful. I’ve made my share of enemies, and quite a name for myself it seems. I wonder, especially in times when those enemies seek me out… whether it is a blessing or a curse, but either way, it is something that goes hand in hand with duty. Unfortunately one does not meddle in the affairs of the gods and walk away unscathed and unmarred. The scar gifted to me for my defiance is no longer as painful as it was… Though the memories and the wounds of the heart will take longer to heal no doubt.

I said brief, because it was. No one wishes another war, and the best way to avoid one is to prevent it I suppose. It went as far as a few rather vocal sorts and a handful of threats. The ending of it was a noose… and a rather heavy handed point. I am grateful for the protection of those dear and my allies. It eases my mind to know the children and Tessian… those I care for, are kept so carefully safe. So in preventing another painful stand off of faiths… the head was lopped off the snake. Unfortunately the finality of it was rather gruesome. Though, once again I marvel at the crossing of paths. An unexpected meeting… I am unsure what to make of it entirely. It is too soon to say what may come of it.

He was asking about the orphanage as I returned from the Wide. Of course I paused, hands full of various things to feed the small army of children… Thom was kind enough to point him my way in his asking. I still get surprised by the way I am regarded… though its been nearly a year. Goodness and Mercy! In a little over a month it will mark the first year since the fall of that accursed temple… Since a simple healer was named a not so simple saint…

He paused, a mix of humility and shock on his face. Then offered to help with the baskets and bags of goods. I was thankful for it truthfully. He had said he wanted to make a donation. An orphan himself, it was important to him how the children were treated. He seemed so nervous, poor dear… and at first I didn’t understand why. That was to become more readily apparent as the conversation progressed. He mentioned that he had traveled to the Coast looking for his two brothers… orphans the three of them. I had done my best to calm him, made tea as he said he had questions. Sister Juna, bless her, was happy to help put the children to bed.

‘Please forgive my nerves. A horde of Orc frighten me less than one matron.’

‘I assure you... You've nothing to fear on my account.’

I sought to reassure him. I had been described many ways… loved or hated, I had grown to expect either disdain or reverence from others on first meetings… But never have I seen any one afraid of me. I found the concept strange. He calmed though, be it a well placed smile, or the chamomile tea… or simply the fact that he realized I was not some malignant school teacher… switch in hand and looking for the barest inclination to strike unwitting fingers. The conversation continued as I inquired about the two orphans he said he sought. Two younger brothers that he had lost touch with due to differences.

Then he told me he was certain he had seen his youngest brother about… and that he had found the middle child… Staked with the other Bhaalists near the Wyrm’s Crossing Bridge. The expanse of pleasantries died almost instantly. His brother was the one who sought to lead the new wave of Bhaalists… The Brother of My Enemy… Disconcerting to have a name for the priest that spoke against Bentley’s lovely inn, and against my hand in the fall of the Bhaalist temple.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. I was wary. I thought to call the nearby guards, and worried this would be some sort of vengeance attempt or means of Bhaal’s faithful to strike at me… I tensed, readying for trouble, opened my mouth to call to the guardsmen by the door… but the look on his face… and his words stilled me.

‘I knew he had become something awful... but... he was still... My brother…’

A quick check to see that children were sleeping, given the turn of the children. He was worried that his brother might have brought harm to them. I knew it was all but impossible, as well protected as the place is… but until I reassured him that hadn’t been allowed to happen… He looked Terrified. I pursed my lips and studied him a moment. While I wasn’t so foolish as to trust him entirely… He didn’t wish me ill… at least not yet. At the very least he had asked why his brother was killed so… and like so many new to the Coast, he didn’t understand the hate the Bhaalists have earned here. So I offered to explain.

I left a quick note saying that I was taking flowers to the statue near the inn… and intended to explain to him why his brother had drawn such ire beyond following an evil god. It was a long walk. I almost dreaded the destination. As many times as I have told the story… I hate telling it alone. Memories are precious blessing or bane… And these memories… the most painful.

As we neared the memorial where the siege camp once stood, I braced myself. Would I ever look at the land beneath my feet and this stretch of road without seeing it covered in blood… in the dead and dying… Could I ever stand here and not hear the throes of battle and the agonized call of the wounded… without hearing the last breaths of those who died? Could I ever speak of the events that took place a year ago and not barely avoid choking on tears? Likely not. I’d think myself some sort of monster if I could.

I told the tale, and he listened. I showed him the statue, showed him the plaque near the inn. By the end of it… he understood why his brother was brought to such an end… and seemed to view the very green of the grass differently. The druids who spent tendays at a time blessing the land and urging it to heal… The planted flowers and grass… the land had healed… Though subtle scars still remained. The shadow that was Bhaal had passed from the area… Only the passage of time would mend what remained. I couldn’t help but wonder how much time need pass… if it would ever be enough.

At the close of it, though still wary, I couldn’t regard the man as an immediate threat. His true nature would reveal itself, and until then I would be cautious and reserve judgment. He spoke of atonement… as though he intended to right the wrongs committed by his brother, as though he thought to make amends for every Bhaalist that had passed over the Sword Coast. Much as he might like to… One cannot atone for the failings of another. We may guide… but we only can be accounted for our own steps. We have our own paths… it is our choice alone where our feet land. He seemed to understand this, though he held himself accountable for -something-… somehow felt at fault for his brother’s actions.

He asked of Ilmater… and I answered what questions I could. By the close of our conversation, Selune looked down on us… He handed me a careful bundle of parchment. Asked me to give it to his remaining brother if I met him in the future. He said I could read the contents if I wished… but I hadn’t the heart. I would not wish to trample on something before his brother has a chance to read such… After all, if he wishes to make peace with his brother, it would be counter productive for me to make matters worse.

I can’t put my finger on it exactly… but something tells me there is more to this than meets the eye… the optimist in me hopes these two can be saved from whatever darkness plagues them. He spoke of nightmares and dreams… He found my words wise and inspiring. I found them lacking. How to convey the steps of my own path in such a way that they understand it? In the end, he stood on the roof of the Friendly Arm Inn… looking out over the landscape. I wondered what his own eyes saw as I made my way back to the orphanage. Did he see the remnants of battle? The stains of blood and tears that colored the land in my own eyes? Did he see something grand and lovely? Something in between the two? Something else entirely?

I wonder at the days ahead… the things yet to unfold and the secrets yet to reveal themselves. One thing is certain… some wounds heal slower than others… Some bleed… long after the shadows have passed. May Mercy one day truly Mend… all that Murder Wrought. In the meantime… I’ve my faith to guide me, many blessings to count… So very many precious mercies to gather to my heart. A welcome shield against whatever shadow have yet to fall across my own path.
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