Charraj Cain, Wizard and Ex-Investigator

[Charraj]

Aeili and I had a talk about Sparrow yesterday. She thinks Sparrow couldn't have possibly done it. After chasing down leads, I think Aeili's too close to the case, can't see the forest for the trees. I don't remember the rest of the conversation; my memory's just awful sometimes.

But Aeili ended up storming out. I thought I'd have time to explain my side of things, so I let her go.

Then I got Aeili's letter today. She's gone.

I've been walking on eggshells because of my probationary status in Baldur's Gate. This has meant compromise after compromise, and each one felt more self-serving than the last. And now my latest compromise has pushed away Sister Aeili, who guided me to Mystra and helped me deal with my past.

And I have to ask myself, how important is the SCCE to me?

I think of Catam, and I wonder if I'm still feeding the good dog. Because it sure as the Nines doesn't feel like it right now.

[Charraj]

Damn. I can't leave it like this. I have to go find Aeili.

Stop telling me what to do, stupid nagging inner Catam. No one likes you. Yeah yeah, I know I'm doing the right thing. But I'm going to have a mountain of paperwork waiting to bury me when I get back. That's assuming Cal doesn't kill me first.

[Charraj]

Couldn't find Aeili after searching for almost a month. Then, as soon as I get back to Baldur's Gate, Endelyon shows up out of nowhere and tells me where Aeili's been.

Sometimes I feel like Tymora is giggling at me.

I need to get caught up on SCCE work a little, but then I should probably go look for Aeili again.

Would it have killed her to tell me where she went?

Anyways, the whole mess with Sparrow and the Fist has been a real blow for the Executive Committee. I asked Endelyon to come back and help get things in order again. I think she will.

Few new contacts and hires, too. Should be good for business.

[Charraj]

So yesterday I figured I would take a walk along the Trade Way, break in my new armor, get used to it and such. I decided to start wearing armor again, since I'm practicing Mystran restraint now and no longer warding myself with spells and enchantments.

That might sound crazy, but since common bandits frequent the Trade Way more than magical threats, armor is pretty appropriate, right?

Yeah, so then I ran into the Dreadlord of the Zhentarim.

Actually, he knew who I was, but I had no clue who he was until he introduced himself. Let me tell you, in terms of introductions I want to hear, "I'm the Dreadlord of the Zhentarim" ranks slightly above "I'm the avatar of Beshaba and we're going to be best friends" and somewhat below "I'm the Duchal tax collector."

The Dreadlord declared himself to be a follower of Mystra, but then admitted to wildly unrestrained use of magic in one incident. Turns out he got banished from Baldur's Gate for it. Imagine that.

But then he told me he knows it was an "emotional" act. He even asked me for suggestions on what other spells he could have used in that incident. So maybe he has some inkling of what Mystran restraint means. He's still nuttier than a squirrel turd, though (have to thank Ed for that quip; it's a good one).

Still, the Dreadlord didn't make an overt move against me. So I don't know.

I swear, Tymora and Beshaba take turns messing with my life.

[Charraj]

The first time I cast magic in months, and it results in a death threat from a crazy person. For Mystra's sake, it was just a True Seeing spell.

I don't even know why I try.

So I'm probably going to be killed in the next few days. If anyone other than my killer finds this journal, please tell my parents in Calimshan that they were adequate family members. And if you find my stuff too, please give it all to Aston Keir of Neverwinter.

It's been a pleasure (kind of).

[Charraj]

I think sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

Several days ago, Aeili told me that she missed me. At the time, it didn't even occur to me that she could mean anything more than "I've missed teaching you." Then afterwards, I started wondering about what she meant. Well, "wondering" is a euphemism; "obsessing" might be more accurate. I did not get much work done for a couple days.

Well, I made the mistake of telling told Endelyon about it, and Elly said she could feel Aeili out on the subject. She was only supposed to get information out of Aeili; I was clear on that.

Then yesterday, Aeili bursted into the bank demanding to know where I was. Immediately, I knew Elly had something to do with it. I assumed the worst. I'll admit I had momentary thoughts of inflicting on Elly the kind of pain that would make conventional torture look like sweet mercy. Something along the lines of turning her into a chicken and chucking her into the Ninth Hell.

Well, turns out Aeili didn't just miss me as a student. She actually came to let me know how she feels. Seems like she wouldn't have done that if Elly hadn't meddled. So I guess Elly gets to live, for now.

But then Aeili told me that she might become a priestess of Sehanine, instead of Mystra. And for a second, I felt like I didn't know her, like I was talking to a stranger. I mean, faith in Mystra is how we know each other. My whole life changed because of what Aeili taught me about Mystra. I tried to let Aeili know how I felt about the Sehanine thing.

She told me she wouldn't turn aside from Mystra if we're going to be together. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to tie her down to a faith like that.

We took a walk to the temple of Mystra, and my thoughts were a whirl. Mostly happiness, but also confusion over the Sehanine thing. And concern for Aeili's health. I didn't know how thin she was until I held her.

We're going to take things slow, which is fine by me, because I have no idea where this is going. I don't mind finding out, though.

[Charraj]

Baldur's Gate got attacked by the undead while I was out running errands along the Trade Way. I wasn't in the city to do anything, but apparently a lot of adventurers were there to help. Still, a lot of people got hurt, a lot of people died.

I didn't even find out about it until a couple days later. Chiara told me about it when we ran into each other at the Friendly Arm Inn. She went back to Baldur's Gate with me, and we scoured the sewers under the East Gate District for any remaining undead. We couldn't find any. But that doesn't mean they're not there, it doesn't mean they won't come again.

Since then, I've been doing what I can, and keeping an eye out for another attack. I know it's selfish, but I haven't told Aeili about the situation yet. I'm not sure I want to; the thought of losing her terrifies me.

A threat of this magnitude justifies magic, so I've started warding myself again. If another attack comes, I won't be caught unprepared. I think Mystra would understand.

Still, I'm not sure how much I can do against a horde of that size. I don't have the resources of a wizard's tower anymore.

[Charraj]

No sign of attack from the teleporting undead army. Things have been more or less quiet in the city for about two months. Apparently the Lathanderites really did manage to do something about the teleporting army. I feel like everyone's relaxed again, which might be a good thing. But I don't know if it's safe to let our guard down just yet.

Still, if there isn't going to be a teleporting army dropping in on us at any second, I guess I can stop warding myself.

On another note, the research I've been doing has paid off. It took months of preparation and collecting components, but now our clients' assets are more protected than ever. I mean, what could go wrong?

Fenix and mage friend of his are starting a private investigation firm. The best advice I could give them was to not do it, but since when has anyone ever listened to me? Digging into people's dirty secrets has a nasty way of coming back to bite you in the rear, or so I've found. Still and all, I wish them luck. Who knows, maybe they'll even do some good before someone puts a price on their heads.

Saw Aeili again this tenday. She and I have both been so busy with our duties, we've hardly had a chance to spend time together. Hopefully that will change soon. I got a chance to see how she interviews prospective scroll-buyers. I have to admit, she's more relaxed about the process than I am. I keep worrying about the buyer running off and recklessly burning down an orphanage with magic learned from me. Aeili's more comfortable and relaxed, and makes the whole thing seem more . . . fun.

All in all, things have been quiet and good. For all my griping, I think I like working at the SCCE bank. But it wouldn't do to let Endelyon and the others know that.

[Charraj]

Took a break from work to accompany Aeili on a journey. Honestly, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I still have nightmares about what happened five years ago.

But seeing them in the light of day, they didn't seem like the untouchable shadows of my nightmares. The fear was still there, and sometimes it became pretty strong, but it wasn't debilitating. I could handle it.

It was hard for Aeili. The whole ordeal was stressful. And at the end, things didn't . . . turn out the way she was hoping they would. Maybe I could have been more supportive, but I was expecting a knife in the back throughout the whole trip. But in hindsight, I guess Aeili's faith wasn't misplaced, after all. We lived, there was no treacherous betrayal or trick. It wasn't all some ruse.

Aeili's heart is bigger than mine, and she's more open to taking chances with people. It's part of why I admire her, and sometimes I try to be more like her. But it can be dangerous, and one of us needs to be ready in case something happens.

In fact, I think there might be trouble from this sooner or later, based on what I heard before we all parted ways. That's okay, though. I learned another one of their weaknesses.

Bridges.

[Charraj]

Aeili died. I wasn't there for her. She's helped so many people, showed me what it means to be a Mystran, and I wasn't there to help her. I never thought I would see so much of her blood.

Couldn't save Elias. Wasn't there for Catam. Wasn't here when the city got attacked by the undead. My fault Istari Tower was disbanded. Couldn't help Aeili.

The Temple is going to be conducting a ritual to bring her back. It just reminds me of when her friend chose to stay with her goddess, rather than return to the living. I was trying to tell Aeili that it's what her friend wanted; now I understand how meaningless those words must have been to Aeili.

Catam didn't want to come back, and neither did Elias. Aeili's friend stayed where she was, too. Those, I managed to deal with eventually.

But if Aeili doesn't come back, I'm done. I don't know what I'd do, but I'd be done.

I got a letter of condolence, the writer offering a listening ear. But I don't want to talk about this. It took me days before I could even open this journal to write in it.

I'm scared to even pray for her return. Prayer didn't bring Catam or Elias back. It might be easier to prepare for the worst, rather than set myself up for a fall.

But after Cal unpetrified me, he asked me if this is what Aeili would have wanted. Probably not. But I don't know what I'd do if she doesn't come back.

[Charraj]

Been months since Aeili and I split. Shut in my office the whole time. The repetition of rote paperwork dulls and distracts me. It's comforting, in a way. No need to do anything more, just sit and work, sit and work. Don't have to talk to anyone, don't even need to move much. Now I've BECOME A WALKING GOD.

So first thing that happens when I finally leave the office? Eva jumps down my throat about Aeili.

Don't even know why I step outside.

[Charraj]

Had a talk with Ckal tonight. I tried to explain what I've learned, but it's hard to do without all the formulas. And even with the formulas in front of us, it's still a matter of practice and experience. Without seeing or trying it yourself, it's hard to gain that instinctive understanding of the Weave.

Hells, he didn't even know it was possible until he saw it for himself.

I only managed it through months of focused practice, with minimal distractions. Barely paid attention to my SCCE work, since it's become so rote.

Eh, sure hope Cheryl and Elly never find this journal.

[Charraj]

Sure hope Cheryl and Elly don't see this, because I've been doing the bare minimum amount of work I can get away with at the SCCE. I've been spending the rest of my time plane-hopping with Valerius.

"Charraj, this place is so hot you will melt. No, literally, cast some fire immunity. You're catching on fire."

I am pretty sure Valerius took me to the Elemental Plane of Fire on purpose.

Let me tell you, a trip there shakes a person out of his Mystran restraint REAL fast. Especially when you try to protest the slavery that goes on there -- magic sure becomes necessary when offended efreeti are trying to hunt you down. Don't think I'll be going back there anytime soon.

Anyways, as for Sword Coast news, it seems like Elly's been busy recruiting. I don't know where she keeps finding these people, but the SCCE seems to be carting along. Maybe I'll spend a little more time helping out.

But the next time they try to pick my wardrobe is the next time I stab someone in the throat politely leave without any drama.

[Charraj]

Today I stepped out of the office to travel south (even though I usually regret it). I met a barbarian named Zeckt and hired him as a guard.

He can turn into a bear.

8/10, would hire again.

[Charraj]

Went with Nate and a bunch of his companions to fight a dracolich. Tried to tell them it was a stupid idea.

Turns out, it was just stupid for me.

The damned thing made me his number one priority, and I think I took five spells to the face. I woke up with a body-sized ache, burned armor, and a new appreciation for my boring desk job. The way it went after me, I am also pretty sure it remembers me from years ago.

I should have known it would turn out that way, just from seeing what Nate's companions were like.

One of them was a blind tiefling, another was a crazy woman who talks to her shadow, and a third turned out to be our current Head of Accounts (I am still not clear why she's adventuring, but if she keeps jumping into life-threatening situations like this, I won't even need to get her fired). The fourth guy seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders, had a sling to fight from a safe distance. Then, of course, there's Nate. Turns out he's a knight of the Radiant Heart now, which is fitting. His skull is thick enough for it. Actually, I am pretty impressed by his membership in the Radiant Heart, but I sure as the Nines am not going to tell him that after he basically gave me to a dracolich for target practice.

The next time Nate asks me to help him fight something, I'm just going to light myself on fire and save everyone the hassle.