Nëa's diary

[Deathgrowl]

"7th of Mirtul, 1350

I've been in the Ardeep for three days now. It's peaceful. Calms my mind. Especially when I'm at the Dell with mother. We've talked a lot about what happened in Waterdeep. She understands my feelings about killing Maiavel, but she does reassure me that I did the right thing. "Be always kind, except in battle with evil," she says, as the Dark Maiden teaches us. Maiavel had become evil. Father says the same, but is much more practical about it.

I've spent all day sparring and talking with him. He says he is impressed how I had handled everything in Waterdeep. Even besting a soulknife. He told me about some duergar assassin group with several having the same abilities as Maiavel. One of the deadliest assassin groups in the Underdark, and most of them probably less dangerous than Maiavel. He says it takes great skill for a non-illithid to be accepted as a willing, free-willed servant of an Ulitharid. Father and the rangers will try to find this Ulitharid and kill it now. It is too dangerous for people on the coast. Red Wizards and other dangerous people as mind slaves. Qilqosee also pointed out that it too dangerous for me.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Dell again. I hope to hear from Waterdeep soon."

[Deathgrowl]

"11th of Mirtul, 1350

Father came back today with the rangers. They had killed Gaothratl, he said. But they had also met Jardwim and other Gray Hands afterwards, and that had caused some complications. Fortunately Jardwim knew of my family for some reason, though not that he would meet them today. From my understanding he didn't actually realize he had met father anyways. And I think that was good. Anyways, they managed to settle the complications and confusion peacefully.

Not long after, Yaereene spoke in my head with magic telling me that Jardwim said Gaothratl was dead. And that Emilia wanted me to come back. And I want to go back. I want to continue looking for Lord Bridern. I know it isn't really my responsibility, but I'm already so far in on the case. And I want to help. So tomorrow I'm leaving for Waterdeep again. Qil wanted to walk with me some of the way. I'll let Aritril, my horse, stay here in the Ardeep, though. There's less haste needed to get back. I expect Quaraen will walk with us as well. At least at a distance. I really hope he isn't getting feelings for me again..."

[Deathgrowl]

"12th of Mirtul, 1350

Qil and I walked directly to the cliffs on the coast, crossing the Trade Way towards Waterdeep. We wanted to avoid traveler. From there we slowly walked along the coast line, talking about all sorts of things. She told me that Allaul has found a lover but was very shy about it and refused to tell who she was. Only that it was a girl he had met while exploring the road south towards Daggerford. Mother sometimes sends us along that road to see if we can help travelers. It's so strange to think about Allaul as shy. But I had noticed something about him while home. He had been strangely distant and his smile was a bit different. Usually it is a mischievous grin. Now it was much more of a happy smile. He didn't even play any pranks on me or tease me about Quaraen.

Qil is very happy about it as well, though I can sense that she wishes she found one as well. She had a lover for almost thirty years until he was killed in a battle with some Vhaeraunites we came across on our way from the Dalelands towards Ardeep. That is thirty eight years ago now. Thinking of it still makes her very sad, but she has been ready for new love for several years. She says she just hasn't found the right one yet. Or the right one haven't found her.

She asked me why I'm not with Quaraen anymore. I spend a lot of time with him. Just casual fun and all. But I don't love him. Not like that. Not anymore. Why haven't I found another one, then? Maybe I don't want to. She didn't believe that. And I don't think I believe it either. I guess my reason is the same as hers. Or maybe something along those lines. She suggested that I should go back to Baldur's Gate again soon. Just ignore my fear for the druid. I had faced more dangerous things recently and Ameris doesn't lie. I know he doesn't. Except when I tell him to.

Qil walked with me all the way up to where the River Dessarin meets the Sea of Swords, just south of Candlekeep. She hugged me tightly as we stood there on the edge of a human farm with Selûne shining fully above us. There were faint lights in one of the houses on the farm and we saw a man peek out of the window towards us. But Qil didn't care. And neither did I. He probably couldn't identify us in the dark anyways. "Stop by on your way to Baldur's Gate, sister," Qil said and smiled as she released me from the hug. She already knew I was going to go south again soon. Maybe I will.

I'm in Emilia's room now. She was already sleeping when I came in, but Yaereene was still serving customers. I've long wondered why Emilia decided to work in a tavern catering to elves. But Yaereene considers her part of her family now. I decided to not wake her up. She'll be happy in the morning when she sees me anyways."

[Deathgrowl]

"13th of Mirtul, 1350

Emilia smiled widely as she came down the stairs this morning and saw me. As we ate breakfast, she told me she had spent several days at the temple of Selûne, and it was helping. She could sleep well now, without the nightmares. But she enjoyed going to the temple so much that she is going to continue going every now and then. I can only encourage her to do so. Yaereene does as well. So after a while, Relyar came by the tavern to pick Emilia up. She still doesn't want to go anywhere alone, I guess.

I left at the same time as them, but towards the Blackstaff Tower instead. I had to talk with Jardwim and had no idea where to even start looking for him, so I figured that was a good a place to start as any. I kept my hood down, as the late spring sun was warming quite a lot today, and to be easily identified. I had no reason to hide, after all. From a distance I could see a man in one of the windows high up on the tower look out towards me. He paused there for a moment, fixing his gaze on me. I recognized him as I walked closer. It was the Blackstaff himself. I smiled up at him and gave him a light wave. His expression remained serious. But he nodded back. Then he left the window.

I had no idea what to expect after that. As I came closer to the door, it opened and several students walked out of it. None of which I knew from before. They were probably all headed out for lunch it was almost highsun. The door closed again. The students walked off, chatting and laughing. I didn't bother stopping them to ask, and instead just knocked the door. No answer. So I sat down on the street waiting.

People walking by me gave me odd looks. But no one said anything. It was very amusing to just watch them with their strange expressions. It didn't last long, though, for after a few minutes, two large dogs came up behind me and sat down next to me, one on each side. I recognized them as Jardwim's blink dogs, but I couldn't see Jardwim anywhere. The two dogs clearly recognized me as well. But remained completely quiet. Until the door opened again and Jardwim came walking out, closing the door behind him. The dogs stood up and quickly walked over to their master, again one on each side.

"Good day, little shadow," Jardwim said with a high of amusement in his voice. His expression showed the same emotion. "Sorry to keep you waiting. The Blackstaff and I had a little discussion. Care to walk with me?" he asked. I nodded and jumped up, gaining another amused expression from Jardwim. One of the dogs even barked at that. A happy bark, I think. Jardwim laughed and patted the dog on the head.

We walked all the way down to the south side of Mount Waterdeep, and out on the wall going out into the water, dividing the Naval Harbour and the Great Harbour. Along the road, he told me how they had tracked Gaothratl but ended up finding the ulitharid only after it had been killed by a group of drow. He looked suspiciously at me as he said that. I just smiled. He knew, of course, but I didn't want to confirm it. At least not out in the open. Afterwards they had started tracking down all of the mind slaves. They had no idea what would happen to them when Gaothratl had been killed. If there were some "contingency order" or something. They still hadn't found all, so some trackers were still looking for the rest.

As we came to the outermost tower of the wall, he stopped and leaned to the fortification towards the east and the Great Harbour. "The Blackstaff has aquired all of the artifacts now," he began. "Corkashvin still lives. If you can call a lich alive, that is. But it's no longer a direct problem. Much of this is thanks to you, you know." He turned to look at me. I didn't know what to say. I still don't think my part in it had been that significant. But his expression was oddly serious when he said it. After a moment, he turned to look out at the Great Harbour again with a sigh. "We never found Lord Bridern, though. Though we now know he has left the city. And we know he headed south," he said. There was a moment of quiet. "Are you going to look for him?" I asked as I also turned to look out in the same direction he was gazing. "No." he simply stated. I looked at him again. "It's not really the concern of the Gray Hands anymore. He's far away from Waterdeep by now anyways," he continued after a pause. "But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be found. I'm not going to ask you to track him down. But if you are headed south any time soon, say, to Baldur's Gate, would you look around there for him? And send me a letter if you find anything?" How did he know that I perhaps intended to go to Baldur's Gate soon? I hadn't told anyone in Waterdeep yet. I just nodded.

We walked back off the wall again and towards the Elfstone Tavern. "Have Yaereene contact me if and when you decide to head south. I might have something for you to help on your journey," he said as he was about to turn down another street. One of the dogs hopped over to me and barked. They are incredibly large. Standing on all four, their eyes are almost at the same level as mine. The dog moved his head to the side of mine, and lifted one of his paws around my back. He was trying to hug me. I started laughing, but returned the hug. Afterwards, the dog barked and sprinted off after his master.

Emilia was already back and serving food and drink in the tavern when I came back to the Tavern. I sat down at our usual table with Relyar, who was reading a book and slowly drinking a glass of wine. Didn't even bother going upstairs to take my equipment off. Which gained me a few glances from the patrons.

Jardwim really left me curious. It was almost as if he suggested that he knew Lord Bridern is in Baldur's Gate. And how long will he eventually stay there? If I wait too long, he might just head further. And the further he goes, the harder it will be to find him. I will wait a few days at least. I want to spend some time with my friends here before I leave.

I need to make sure Emilia will be all fine before I leave as well, though I have no doubt she will be if she keeps going to the temple of Selûne every now and then. Looking over at her now, it is obvious it is helping. She is sleeping soundly and peacefully."

[Deathgrowl]

"17th of Mirtul, 1350

Last night I decided to leave for Baldur's Gate again. I told Emilia this morning. She understood, even if she was sad about it. I promised to send her letters, and told her to keep going to the temple of Selûne. She happily agreed. That is the closest thing I can afford telling her about my own faith for now. I really need to tell her one day. But she has enough to think about now. And maybe learning more about Selûne will make her more likely to be open-minded about it. Then again, maybe she already is.

I had promised to find Jardwim before I left, so I asked Yaereene to contact him for me so we could meet. He answered to meet him at the Market this evening just as the sun was over Mount Waterdeep, ready to travel. Suddenly I wishes I hadn't left Aritril in the Ardeep. But I was planning to stop by there anyways and I could reach it in an evening if I was lucky enough to find a caravan south. So I went upstairs and packed my things, and got some travelling food from Yaereene. Emilia and I then went to the temple of Selûne to talk. We just talked about all the things that had been going on recently. Lia'Nyeti and Melgior having a good relationship now, and Emilia starting to become quite comfortable with her own with Relyar. I hope they stay together. He's a nice man, and Emilia deserves it.

I kept to the shadows when I went to the Market. Jardwim's two dogs were standing quietly watching the people circling around them. They're quite intimidating, being so large, so I can understand why people would keep some distance. Jardwim himself, was sitting on a bench, facing the sun and leaning his back towards a table. I slipped out of the shadows as I sat down next to him. He slowly turned to gaze at me, then let out a laugh. "You're even better than I expected. I couldn't hear you at all, nor does it seem like the dogs noticed you. Well done!" he complimented. He was probably exaggerating, though.

We walked for a while, until we reached the top of Mount Waterdeep. The sun was almost touching the horizon in the west. I wondered why he had lead me all the way up there, as I had thought I would be on my way out of the city as quickly as possible after meeting him. Once there, however, we met a blonde man. A half elf with short hair, slightly pointed ears and what Emilia calls a stubble. It's basically very short beard. He was wearing dark yellow robes. But his skin was dark gray. A half drow. I had seen this man before. This was Baltuel, an mage mother knows. She calls him an "arcane devoutee".

"I believe you two have met? Baltuel will teleport you to the outskirts of the Baldur's Gate farmlands. I know you had plans to visit the forest on your way south, but perhaps he can tell your friends there that you got other means of travel. But before you go," Jardwim said and took off his backpack, to take out two long objects covered in black silk. "These are the swords Shadow Chord and Shadow Spark, named such for their properties and because the Gray Hands obtained them during a mission which lead us to that plane. I want you to have them," he continued and handed them over to me. I hesitated. But by the length of the silk clad objects, they could well be short swords. They were. I thanked him many times. He laughed and patted my shoulder. "I will stop by the tavern regularly, so you can send any updates you have to me there," he said calmly, then stepped away.

A few moments later, my stomach almost felt like it was going to come out my throat. I blinked a few times. And saw the northern walls of Baldur's Gate in the distance. Baltuel was standing next to me. "I should not linger, lady Phaedraee. May the Dark Maiden watch over you," he said, then rambled some magical words and disappeared.

Now I'm sitting on the roof of a farmhouse wondering if I should go to the theatre right away. Or somewhere else. At any rate, I am back in Baldur's Gate."

[Deathgrowl]

"1st of Alturiak, 1351

I am beginning to think I should return to the Ardeep. Maybe visit Waterdeep. I should do that anyways. Emilia sent me a letter saying Lia'Nyeti and Melgior is getting married and they want me to come and perform. I miss them so.

And so much has happened in Baldur's Gate recently that makes me want to leave. Herran has been acting weirdly, and avoiding me. He made me Assistant Director of the theatre after Telia betrayed us and we worked well together. At least until the founder, Selis, came back. Then he made her Director without even telling me (or asking me if I wanted to. I don't, but it would've been nice be asked...). I had to read about it in the Herald. And now I start hearing all sorts of bad things about her. Thank Tymora she left again, though.

Now Herran is back as Director. But he's still seems to be avoiding me. Endelyon told me he's getting married. And many people say he is going to let Telia come back. So when he asked me to make a poster for an open stage show, I said no, not until he actually comes to talk with me. That was several days ago.

Telia. She left us. For the Zhentarim. Evil tyrants. She tortured and murdered Ameris and Cecilia (or that's at least what they say). They were brought back, however. She did many evil things. I went to Corm Orp to talk with her after she left. I wanted to know why. She had people who loved her at the theatre. Loved her as a friend. Loved her as a sister, even. And she picked the tyrants instead. And when I talked with her she made no excuses. She was completely sure about herself and her choices. Satisfied. Darkhold was where she wanted to be. This was what she wanted to do.

And it's not only Herran that has been avoiding me. Ameris started avoiding me as well. I had tried to stay in his shadow to protect him, which he sometimes even asked me to do. And he seemed to appreciate that I was there. He said he trusted me. Blackmore even said it was good I did, because Ameris needed it. So I asked Ameris to tell me whenever he went out of the city. But then he started not to. And it went on for very long, so I realized he was aboiding me. And then I met him with Telia. He had been avoiding me because of her. For all I know, he was in on it from the beginning. Maybe Cecilia and Ameris were kept in different cells and they just told Cecilia that he was tortured and killed.

Because how can anyone just forgive something like that? I mean I can understand he can forgive the things done against himself, but what about the things she did to Cecilia? What about all the other evil things? Just crossed out? Because she says she has left Darkhold? It's probably a lie anyways.

On the other hand, some things have happened that makes me want to stay. The Pathfinder's Hall was opened just recently. The house of the Order of Lions, where I'm a member. I remember Marigold gave me the title Shadowmistress or something, but I think it was mostly as a jest. But I like the purpose of the Order. To help adventurers find their way on the Sword Coast. And I enjoy helping people. We need to start advertising, though. Marigold is around, but I don't see her much and Aelcar I haven't seen in a long time, so it's a bit hard to do anything about it right now. Cheryl is busy with her other stuff as well.

But I will go to visit my friends in Waterdeep and help at the wedding. And I will visit the Ardeep. Mother always has advice."

[Deathgrowl]

"3rd of Alturiak, 1351

Finally talked with Herran about Telia. I told him I wouldn't stay if she was let back, and he replied that would be my choice then. I think it's sad that he sees it like that. Felian and I really don't trust her and he would just let her back after all the things she has done, even if it means Felian and me leaving. I guess we weren't worth much after all. He's pretty adamant about letting her back in, but seemed to agree that it should take some time at least. She won't have keys or anything and he claims she wouldn't be staying at the theatre anyways. That's obvious, she'll be staying in her house with Ameris.

He apologized for having been so hard to reach and he seemed to understand my frustration with everything around Selis and him switching roles and all. He also seemed to be a little bit confused by Selis' ways in hindsight. She did a lot of manipulative things and I run into more and more people who say she was charming at first, but then showed her true self and was simply controlling and demanding.

At least Herran decided to seek me out on his own. Maybe that friendship can be saved after all. I hope so. Ameris, on the other hand, is apparently too busy cuddling Telia in between pretending to care about the poor people afflicted by the plague. Or just too proud. Maybe I am proud as well, but I'm not going to go to him and prod him for an excuse. He has to come up with that by himself, otherwise it won't be sincere. It probably won't anyways. It's so confusing. He trusted me with Cyrithe, but then he also knew about me and my family. He said he trusted me. And I did trust him. Why did he hide that he was bringing Telia back? If he had involved me from the start, at least it would've been easier to trust him, if not her.

I'll leave north in a few days for the wedding. See if I can find a merchant caravan going towards Waterdeep. I'll probably spend a few days in the Ardeep before going to Waterdeep, though. It's been long since I've seen my family."

[Deathgrowl]

"22nd of Alturiak, 1351

I've been in the Ardeep four days now. It's nice being home again. I can calm down and think when I'm here. It also feels better to pray out loud without having to worry about who hears me. And I don't have to worry about all those in Baldur's Gate who seem so eager to betray me. And they are all so suspicious of drow! Hypocrites.

I've been spending a lot of time talking with mother. Or talking to her. She's remained mostly quiet and listened. We have prayed together and she encourages me to ask Eilistraee for guidance. And I do. Mother also says that Telia might deserve a chance, that redemption is the most important part of our faith, but that redemption can only happen by understanding why you need it and making amends.

About Ameris, she is a bit ambiguous. She says it's unlikely that someone would turn against me like I describe it and that I should talk to him and find out why he did what he did, though she admits it seems suspicious the way I describe it. She keeps telling me that it might just be my perspective, though. But I don't want to go to him. If he wants to apologize, fine, but I shouldn't have to tell him to do it.

About Herran, she says little. She says it's disappointing the way Herran handled the theatre, but reminds me that he has relatively recently lost his fiancé. I miss Mila. She was nice. Mother thinks Herran genuinely does what he think is right, even if 'there is a lack of wisdom behind it', as she says.
Today that weird paladin of Sune talked in my head as well. I hate that. Especially when they keep doing it over and over! She wants me to come sing at Herran's wedding. Says Telia is going to sing as well. I think I'd rather not go if that's the case. She even suggested that she could have someone teleport to get me and teleport me back again afterwards. How would I sing when so nauceous that I can hardly stand? Teleports are not funny! Also, I don't want them to come get me in the Ardeep. That would be bad. I hope that magic where she speaks in my head doesn't actually tell her where I am. That would be bad as well!

Besides, I have another wedding to go to, even if it is a few days away. Tonight I'm heading north towards Waterdeep, but I'll spend a couple of days with Quaraen on the way, I think. He said he has some things to show me just north of the forest, near the coast line. Wonder what it is."

[Deathgrowl]

"19th of Ches, 1351

I spent a few days at Quaraen's place. It was good to just be the two of us and do nothing. No thinking about whatever else is going on other places in the world. No duties. No drama. Nothing. Well, except eating, dancing, bathing and spending way too much time in bed. Just being completely lazy for a few days! It makes it even better when you get back to the world and start doing things again.

Our last day together, we walked down to the coast line. Just on the other side of the River Dessarie across from Waterdeep, we entered a cave up on the cliffs. The path up to the cave was very well hidden. I wouldn't have found it if he didn't show it to me. The cave itself is also very hard to spot from down on the beach. It was high enough to see over the walls of Deepwater Harbour and into the city. Could see all of the roofs of Waterdeep there. The spires of Piergeiron's Palace sticking out behind Mount Waterdeep. The Blackstaff Tower. It was beautiful in the sunset.

Anyways, we went inside the cave. A quite deep cave, it might actually lead into the underdark one of the paths. It's a crystal cave. And when Quaraen lit some candles in there, they made the light shine in all sorts of colours. So beautiful! He also had built a bed and made the cave into almost a home. As it's such a hard place to find, it's a safe place to go. Quaraen told me he'd stay there while I was in Waterdeep. If I needed him, he wouldn't be far away. He's very sweet like that, despite the grim attitude he usually has when he's not alone with me.

We stayed there for the night. In the morning, I walked the rest of the bit to Waterdeep on my own. Emilia was cleaning tables when I walked into the Elfstone tavern. The moment I entered, she turned wide-eyed, dropped everything and threw herself at me in a long hug. Didn't take long before I heard Yaereene's laugh in the background and felt Pyrith sitting on my head, curling his tail around my braid. As Emilia finally pulled back, the little fairy dragon's head came upside-down in front of my face with a big grin before he bounced off and landed on a table Emilia hadn't cleaned yet.

Emilia and I sat up all night talking and talking, until she fell asleep. And we did that several days in a row. In the days we found Relyar and went to visit Lia and Melgior to see if they needed any help with their wedding plans. In evenings, I've been walking on rooftops. I also spoke with Kitten very briefly. And Jardwim. They have heard no more about Lord Bridern or this Corkashvin. And the Bull Elk tribe has been relatively quiet. Jardwim says they've likely tried to lay low after all the things that happened. And it's likely Lord Bridern has left the Sword Coast entirely.

So it's been a quiet couple of ten-days in Waterdeep. Emilia is happy with Relyar, but they don't seem to have any plans for getting married yet. Lia'Nyeti and Melgior are probably one of the happiest couples I've ever seen, though. They've asked me to perform and I said of course I would! I need to find some appropriate songs. And tomorrow, Emilia and I will go visit a tailor to order new dresses! And a shoemaker! We need shoes as well!"

[Deathgrowl]

"29th of Ches, 1351

Emilia and I went to get our dresses today, as they were done. They were very pretty! We decided to have the same kind of dress but with different colours. Mine is yellow and hers is light blue! We'll also have braided hair with flowers from Yaereene like those Emilia wore when she visited Relyar's parents the first time. I still think they are magical. They were very pretty anyawys!

I talked with Yaereene about things in Baldur's Gate today. She encourages me to go back. She says I talk about the theatre a lot and even if I have friends here, I also have friends in Baldur's Gate. And the fact that I'm assistant director of the theatre means I have some duties to be there. She understands, though. Especially about Ameris. But she does tell me to give him another chance. And I guess I would, but I've wanted him to ask for it. But Yaereene pointed out that he might not know that there actually is a chance. Maybe my rejection at first made him feel like there was no chance at all. But I got the feeling he just didn't care. Or that he didn't want to. I don't know. I have to think about it.

I am starting to miss the theatre though. And I feel a bit bad for not saying bye to Soora. Maybe I should go back, even if just for seeing her and Hoihe again.

Anyways, the wedding is in two nights and I still need to find a song to sing."

[Deathgrowl]

"15th of Tarsakh, 1351

Lia'Nyeti and Melgior are now married! It was a beautiful wedding and I spent a lot of time talking with Lia's mother and other moon elven relatives as they were curious about who I am. I had to be very vague, as usual, but they seemed pleased enough.

I sang two songs, actually. I decided I wanted to sing an elven one and one in common, since there was going to be an elven presence at the wedding. The elven one is a common song sung by the priests and other worshippers of Hanali Celanil, our goddess of love. The song in common a song Qilqosee taught me about happiness. It was in elven originally, but I translated it to common.

I also drank some wine that I actually liked for the first time. Apparently it was from Evermeet. Lia'Nyeti's aunt had brought it. I realize now how good idea it is not to drink that stuff. I talked a bit too much and almost spilled some things I shouldn't have, but I managed to keep it in somehow. And the day after felt terrible. Emilia and I both sat groaning with head aches at the very late breakfast while Yaereene just laughed at us.

Unrelated, a few days later I got a letter from Ameris. He writes of my beliefs. That my faith in the Dark Maiden and her teachings of redemption would make me sympathetic, I guess. And he would have a point about that, if I had never told him how I experienced Telia when I spoke with her in Corm Orp. There were no regret, no lies. She hid nothing, except Zhentarim plans of course. She was happy with who she was and she was certain that Darkhold was the place for her. And I told Ameris that, but he didn't listen. But maybe I was too harsh anyways. At least on him. He just really wants her to be redeemed even if it's not possible. He could've just been naïve. But it didn't feel like that.

And now he says she's dead. I don't know what to think about that, but Ameris says he will try to bring her back and he's a competent priest, so as long as her soul wants to, I guess that will happen. He claims Kahanak is responsible, though that Kahanak claims she committed suicide. Kahanak is a Red Wizard. Everything he says is a lie. Ameris knows that, but as usual he won't act without 'evidence'. The knights. They never do anything to evil unless they can prove physically that they're evil. Even if everyone in the world knows it.

I'm in the Ardeep now, and I've been here for a few days. I showed Ameris' letter to mother. She frowned as she read it and cried as she read the last part. She tells me now I should go to Baldur's Gate and talk with him. But I don't know how. Is he even there still? Maybe he left after Telia died. And if he managed to bring her back, will I even be able to reach him without running into Telia? I don't want to see her. At least not until I've talked with him.

He says that many seeks his death as they sought Telia's. And that he would not go to his own death with things left unsaid or unwritten. I think he means that he expects to be hunted as well, then. He says he misses his shadow. Me. I can't decide if he misses me being in his shadow or me in general. I guess that is what I'll have to find out if I can get to talk to him..."

[Deathgrowl]

"16th of Tarsakh, 1351

I've decided I need to go back to Baldur's Gate and talk with Ameris. If I can get him without Telia, that is. I want to know if he really is sorry for breaking my trust. And if he just wants me back for protection or actually cares. I don't know what to think right now.

I should also try to talk with Herran. If he's still around. I feel a bit bad for the theatre. That I left everything there because of Telia. But Herran made that choice. I hope he kept his promise about not giving her a key. I am going to kill her if I see her inside any locked places at the theatre. She betrayed us and doesn't deserve to come back without a whole lot of apologies and some actual proof that she isn't evil and treacherous anymore. I have no idea how that would work, but that's for her to find out.

And I miss my Sooraflake. And even Hoihe. Even if he's infinitely weird. I wonder what would happen if they found out about my faith and my family. I think Hoihe might accept it easily enough as he isn't really an elf and he seems generally tolerant. I mean, he even thinks some orcs are nice, and that's not really possible. But I have no idea about Soora. And I don't even know how to approach it. I want her to know, if she would accept it. But I would rather keep it secret if she wouldn't accept it. It's important for me. But so is our friendship.

I'm going to start walking tomorrow morning. I hope I can catch a trade wagon south."