Salim el-Faddir: Archmage of Anarchy

[kitteninablender]

I was swirling in a vortex of energy that seemed to stretch eternally in all directions.

A maelstrom of pure Chaos.

I watched Fire turn into Ice.

I watched existence fall into a black hole....

...and become nothingness...

And then I watched Nothingness.....

...become Existence. In a big BANG!!

I was beholding the multiverse in all of it's form and splendor. My mind transcending all dimension.





I was Entering the Infinite.

I beheld such wondrous splendors...

...but also such horrific nightmares...

Good gods, what have I gotten myself into....?

[kitteninablender]

As I tried to make sense of the chaotic...mess...that I was seeing it all, suddenly, faded into black. I awoke, in my bed at the Friendly Arms Inn.

I was covered, head to toe, in sweat. I was trembling. Shaking. I knew this sensation well. It was the sensation of withdrawal.

Had I dreamed this all? Was this merely a hallucination of my fevered mind? Or was I truly beholding the infinity of the cosmos?

My mind raced with a million questions. And those questions only lead to a million other questions. Questions and questions. And more questions still.

What had I beheld? What were these sights that I had been privy to?

I watched a Universe die....

...and then watched another be born. As if from the womb of the cosmos. But sights such as these, they couldn't be real?

Could they?

.....could they?!

[kitteninablender]

I had questions. I needed answers.

I was frantic. Manic. I had sent my mind hurling into Realmspace, and into the Far Realm.

I had beheld all of creation in its entirety all at once. The experience was unlike any I could ever imagine.

A state of hyper-awareness the likes of which I could not even begin to describe except as anything short of....

...Omniscience.

[kitteninablender]

A moment of Omniscience, even a brief one, brings untold epiphany about the inner-workings of the machinations of the multiverse.

It gives one insight into the Fundamental Forces of existence. The forces that govern the intricately balanced machine of all of creation.

What was being revealed to me in my moment of profound enlightenment was not merely principles of the Arcane.

But also the incredible array of knowledge that came with the power...

..of Science!!

I began to understand the fundamental principles of Matter and Energy. I began to see the correlation between them both...

...their RELATIVITY to each other....

Time and Space. They warp, and change. They ebb and flow, and fluctuate like liquid.

I began to comprehend, on an instinctual level, the dynamics and the fluidity of them both.

I began to understand the unifying force that was capable of bending them both.

This force is known as:

..."Gravity."

They are all connected...

...Everything....

... And I could see the strings...

[kitteninablender]

I awoke again in my room at the Friendly Arms with a headache that felt like I hadn't so much awoken as my brain had crash-landed back into my skull from Realmspace and had burned up upon re-entry.

I got to my feet, slowly, and stumbled towards the door. I drank from the pitcher of water I kept by the door for just such emergencies.

Remember children: Drink lots of water. Best cure for a hangover is to never get one. An ounce of prevention and all of that nonsense.

The other cure for a hangover, my preferred method:

[Just STAY DRUNK!!

Unfortunately, for me, that wasn't an option this time. I was dreadfully, horribly sober.

I wished I wasn't.

Good gods, the agony. The pain. Like a thousand screams in my ears at once. A thousand voices whispering a thousand ideas in a chaotic concert that was simultaneously Comedy and Cacophony.

Some of the voices echoed desperate ravings of Madness, Maliciousness, and Malady.

Some of the voices recited sweet Poetry, and quoted great Philosophy with phenomenal poise.

Some of the voices whispered unto me profound secrets of creation. Mysteries of Science, technology, and wonderment.

Some of them...told me recipes for Noodle Soup.

Just like the Dreamleaf to which I was so eerily fond: Too much of a good thing can be deadly.

And too much Knowledge, all at once, can be maddening.

Between the whispers of eldritch horrors and noodle soup...I prefer the whispers about Noodle Soup.

Noodle Soup is good for Cleansing the Soul.

And the things that were whispered to me, I fear, have stained mine forever.

Perhaps a good cup of Noodle Soup is what I need right now.

I need a vacation...

[kitteninablender]

So let me tell you a little bit about the life of a man who can open Gates to other planes of Existence and who also happens to be a Degenerate.

When I take a vacation, and decide I want to go somewhere HEAVENLY...

....I simply go straight to Heaven.

Much to the Chagrin of SOME of the Plane's more....uptight native inhabitants.

It's one of the perks of being morally Neutral. While I am seen as strange in Heaven, even as an Outcast by some...I am also seen as an anomaly. A curiosity.

Something new to experience. A different perspective on things.

Angels see me as an opportunity to Prosthelytize. Which is fine. An Angel Prosthelytizing to you is one of the most intellectually enlightening things that can happen to a mortal being.

It's entertaining enough thing to be told you're going to Hell by some old Codger wielding a holy text and screaming about Hellfire and Brimstone.

It's even funnier when it's an actual bloody

CELESTIAL.

The Laws there won't let them murder you JUST because you don't follow their narrow-minded fanaticism.

But god damn they REALLY wish they could.

If you think I annoy people, hoo boy, you've never seen how mad I can make an Angel. It's actually quite hilarious.

The thing is...that's exactly why they pay me to do it.

One of the things about being a Comedian is that you USUALLY have to be willing to be indiscriminate about the places you'll work.

Thing is though: I'm a follower of Sharess. The Goddess of Hedonism, Lust, Sensual Fulfillment. Ecstacy. The Mother of Cats. And a Thaumaturge who can walk through the Planes.



If I can work a bar in Heaven...there's no way I'm working a bar in

HELL!!

[kitteninablender]

Now, you would think doing a Comedy Gig on Mount Celestia would require your jokes to be squeaky clean...

...and you would be painfully, terribly, horribly WRONG.

Angels LOVE dirty jokes. Love 'em. But there's a reason for it:

They're in Heaven. They never get to HEAR THEM.

Think about this from a logical perspective:

Angels never get to just casually socialize with Mortals. They can't. Being in their presence too long can actually affect them. And there are rules about noninvolvement that they have to follow. Mainly that they cannot directly interfere with the choices that mortal beings make.

They can watch. They can whisper. But they can NOT directly interfere.

The only time an Angel gets to interact with MOST mortal beings is when they are being summoned to FIGHT FOR THEM on the Prime Material. Or when a God, Archangel, or some other high-and-mighty type is sending them to be their Messenger or their Envoy.

Now, of course, what happens when Mortals see an Angel for the first time, almost every single time?

"I'm not worthy!!!!"

"Forgive me, oh Graceful Gods, for my sins!!"

Let you guys in on a little secret:..

....they HATE that!!!!

Angels look down on Mortals. But that's because they, quite LITERALLY look down on mortals.

They view us. From above. And watch us all the time. Because that's what Angels and Archons do with their free time: Watch the living.

They watch us in the bath. Watch us while we're making love. Watch us in our most intimate, private moments.

Because it turns out those intimate, private moments are the moments when one of two things are happening:

A) We are Sinning, and praying that our God is not watching...

or

B) You're praying. And hoping that they are.

The guy that the Angels actually end up liking the best, to be honest:

The mortal, like me, who instead of falling to their knees and begging forgiveness or asking for absolution or ordering them to charge head-first into bloody combat against their enemies...

...offers them a cup of coffee instead.

They enjoy the person who in lieu of summoning them to a blood-soaked battlefield instead summons them to a big, fluffy couch.

Who instead of yelling "Charge, Minion, into Battle!! Die for my cause!"

Asks, simply: "So. Tell me about yourself...

...considering you already know everything about me."

Believe it or not, Justice Archons actually ENJOY being called to settle the argument over whether or not Pineapple belongs on Cheese Bread.

Because settling an argument on whether or not Pineapple belongs on Cheese Bread leads to hilarious conversations and endless, humorous debate...

...and usually does NOT lead to being potentially ripped apart by an angry Balor...

...Which is always a plus...

[kitteninablender]

So while doing my gig in Mercuria I made a rather off-color joke. It's what I do. In fact, it's almost come to be expected of me at my shows. Which isn't a bad thing. It's a curiosity. And curiosity sells tickets.

There's a sucker born every minute.

Or, more to the point...

..a sucker DIES every minute.

And, fortunately for me, most of their naive asses end up here.

Believe it or not there IS a correlation between high intelligence and Evil. It turns out that the more intelligent among us tend to also become the most emotionally distant. And certainly the most psychopathic.

The reason for this is because one of the unfortunately terrible burdens of intellect is the horrifying realization of just how horrible people actually are.

I have walked the Heavens and the Hells. Planes Inner, and Outer. Above, and Below. Near...and Far. Very. Very Far.

And in my grand purview of the Planes I came to a horrible resounding Truth.

That of all Evils in the Planes...Mortal-kind were the ones capable of some of the evilest acts of all.

Ask any Devil of the nature of Mortal-kind and they will all tell you the same:

Asmodeus merely introduced mortals to Evil. It was WE who chose to embrace it.

Mortalkind does not need the Baatezu to inspire us to Evil.

Quite the opposite, in fact: Mortalkind inspire Baatezu more and more every single day.

For it is not we who learned how to torture from Devils...but they who learned from us.



And continue to learn to this very day, as we invent infinitely more creative ways to destroy and torture our enemies.

I remember a story told to me once by a Devilishly charming Bard that I once chance-encountered upon the Road.

He was Devilishly handsome. Mainly because he was, in fact, part Devil. A Tiefling. Not at all uncommon in these parts.

His skin was a shade of lavender purple. His teeth were pearly white. A small pair of horns adorned the top of his skull which jutted out and pointed skyward.

But the thing I remember the most of all about this eerily handsome stranger were his crimson-red eyes.

I remember the story word-for-word, for he told it with such fervor it seared it's way into my mind.

[kitteninablender]

The Joke of Mankind
By Kitteninablender

This Joke begins as any good joke begins:



"A Man walks into a Bar."

Whatcha Drinkin'?" asks the barkeep.

"Your stoutest ale!!" bellows the Man "I've had a long day's work in the fields!!"

So, of course, the Man begins to do what any semi-reasonable young Man does when he needs to relax after a hard day's work:

Step 1: Get blind, stupid drunk...

Step 2) find the first thing with a skirt within arm's reach...

Step 3) Take said "Skirt" to the nearest empty Inn room...

..Or back Alley...

..Or, Hells, who am I Bloody well kidding? The nearest PRIVY if the itch is strong enough, right?

Then, of course, onto step 4...

...I REALLY Don't need to explain Step 4...

...Now do I?

The man, of course, is about four drinks deep. Which naturally means that within the confines of his own imagination he is the Alpha Male of his species.

The Man believed himself, naturally, with a aid of a few pints of over-priced "Liquid Courage" that he was the sexiest Man alive. The Peak of Sexual prowess and Charm.

Then proceeded, as is the next most obvious inclination, to show said prowess to every female within his immediate proximity.

Which went over, of course, about as well as one would as expect from this "Paragon of Sexual Prowess..."

...About as well as a FART in a Gnomish Diving Helmet.

So after about an hour of complete and utter failure the Man is eventually thrown out of the bar for being a little too "Grabby" with the well-endowed Bar Wench.

As he's lying there in the gutter the Man looks up and sees a Devilishly handsome Gent standing in front of him, looking down at him. As all Devils look down upon Man.

But this Devil looked at him not with disdain, but with Pity. And with a Devilishly wicked grin and the extent of a clawed hand he reached down to Man...and offered him a "Helping Hand."

"I've been where you've been, Man. In the Dirt. Rejected. Here. Let me give you a hand. You look like you could use it."

"Here. Take my card. There's an address, on the back.. Go there. I know a girl. She'll take excellent care of you. Do have a...Pleasurable evening..."."



But as everyone knows: Willingly accepting either a "Helping Hand" or a Direction from a Devil always leads straight to the doorway of Sin. This man accepted Both.

Enter Sin.

She invited him in with a smile and bade him welcome to sit on her warm, fluffy couch which sat before a large roaring fire.

In the dim room, lit only by the fireplace, her silhouette against the fire made her completely irresistible.

They proceed to have a night of the wildest, craziest love-making imaginable. When the Man leaves the next morning he's completely smitten. Truly convinced that he had found the girl of his dreams.

He does his work the next day, but all he can think about is that crazy girl. So he decides he just HAS to see her again. But he has lost the card with her address...and was too drunk to remember how to find his way back to her home.

So he does what worked the first time: He heads back to the bar...and tries his luck again.

Wouldn't you know it, the Devil is sitting at the bar. With a big smile upon his face as he bids the man to walk up and join him for a drink.

"So how did it go, young Man? Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I did" the man responded "But I can't find my way back...can you show me again?"

"Of course. Please." replied the Fiend as he produced another Card with a flash of black hellfire from the air.

The Man took the card, with a smile, and he made his way back to once again take Sin to bed.

The moral of this story his: When Man found Sin the first time, it's usually because he takes a direction from some Devil and has an accidental stumble.

But t=when that accidental stumble becomes curiosity. And when that curiosity leads unto Temptation...

...the moment it becomes a Choice....

..ls the moment it becomes Damning.

All the Devil did was point Man in Sin's direction. And in Man's "Infinite Wisdom"...Wisest of the Wise, you know...Man is the one who took Sin to bed.

And thus concludes the joke of man as many good jokes begin:

"A man walks into a bar..."

"....and catches HELL because of it."

The End.

[kitteninablender]

[/color]

So I tell "The Joke of Man" in a bar in Mercuria. the first layer of Heaven. Of course, it's met with mixed reviews. Some understand the metaphors and laugh and applaud. Others get offended, calling it an act of heresy. EIther way, the joke was overall rather well-received. I accepted my payment, and made my way out the door.

I was approached in a back alley after the show by a rather...interesting Celestial. She was tall. Muscular. With skin of Alaster. Her hair was pure silver, as were the massive pair of Ephemeral wings which jutted from her back in either direction.

But the thing that set her apart from those in her immediate vicinity was not the Heavenly traits that she Possessed...

..What set her apart is what she was Missing. Her CLOTHES!!

....she was completely NAKED.

"You know, usually I have to buy a girl a few drinks before she's naked and hurling herself in my direction. I guess I really am in Heaven?"I jested.

"I found your joke Misogynistic. Comparing Sin to a Woman. Are you saying that Woman was the fall of Man? Do you hate women so that you would equate us with destroyers of Humanity?"

"Quite the contrary. The reason I equate Sin to a Woman: show me anything equally as tempting to Man? Show me something equal that Man will obsess over? Yearn for? Desire? Tell me something more that, once a man has been embraced by it, he never truly wishes to be released once he is within it's grasp."

The Celestial gazed upon me with a bit of a condescending smirk. As they all tend to do to mortals.

And what Sins do you equate are the greatest Fall of Man, Comedian? In your vast, MORTAL wisdom..."

"Gluttony and Greed."

"Interesting. Explain your logic, human."

"Man is Greedy. Man Desires. But then Man desires more. And more. And more. And then it's never enough. Whether it's money, or sex, or experiences, Man seeks always more."

"But are you yourself not a creature of excess? Then are you not being hypocritical by your own admission?"

"I'm a follower of Bast We don't see the harm in excess as long as those excesses don't harm anybody."

"... Like that extra piece of chocolate cake after dinner..."

"And the fact that the giant Cake has a stripper hiding in it is completely irrelevant?" said the ANGEL with a Grin.

I stood there, with my jaw upon the floor.

I had just met a Celestial.......with a sense of HUMOR...

Oh. This was going to be Good....

[kitteninablender]

"Have I beheld a Miracle? Did an ANGEL just crack a JOKE!?"

"It happens every few centuries.."

"I'm in love!!"

That's not Funny! I mean it! You have no idea how serious I am!"

"Did I strike a nerve?"

"No. Angels and Mortals do not need to fall in love. Trust me on this. There's nothing but drama involved. That is a long road you do not want to go down. It can ONLY end in tears. Or another Flood."

"Flood?"

"Long story. And one I am far too SOBER to tell at the moment. Let's just say it didn't go over well."

"The Gods involved apologized for their actions, however. In the form of a giant Rainbow in the sky, their promise to mortals it would never happen again."

"...wait a minute? The Gods slaughter a bunch of people and the best apology they can muster is using a Rainbow to write...

...We're Sorry, Our Bad.."

"Gods. Whaddya do, eh?"

"Sheesh. And I thought I was a sociopath."

"You are."

"Gee. Thanks for reminding me."

"An Angel. Reminding people of their flaws?NEVER..."

"I'm liking you more by the minute..."

"And I'm liking you less by the second. Now can I get to the point?"

"Fine. What is it?"

"I've been watching you, Archmage of Anarchy. You surprise me."


"Let me guess. You saw me without clothes on and felt Lust for the first time in a few centuries?"

"Don't flatter yourself, human. No. I've seen into your Soul, Salim el-Faddir. And you, sir, are a Mess."

"I am the Hobo King, after all..."

"By your own choice."

"Of course. I spend all my money on ale and prostitutes. Like a proper degenerate."

"Salim. You know that's a lie. Remember...Angel. We continuously discern lies, numbnuts. You cannot lie to me."

"A woman who can't be lied to. Interesting."

"Indeed. A Man's worst nightmare."

"Truly."

[kitteninablender]

"I've been watching you for some time Archmage. You're a degenerate. A lunatic. Your blood is of creatures from beyond your stars so truly horrible their mere visage can tear one's sanity into shreds."

"Your point being?"

"You're dangerous. A powder keg with a short fuse, ready to explode at a moment's notice. And when you do you could take half the Sword Coast with you. So much raw power. Trapped inside of a container that is fragile. Fragile in Body. Fragile in Mind. And fragile in Spirit."

"Tell me something I don't know already."

"That's exactly what I've come to do."

"Get on with it then."

"I've come to warn you: There are Powers in the multiverse which have...taken an interest in you.."

"You mean because I'm a freak? Born of Eldritch Monstrosities?"

"No. I mean because of the fact that you are NEUTRAL."

"Pardon?"

"You're what we in the Outer Planes call a "Free Agent." And let's face it, Salim: You can go either way. Pun fully intended. You are equally both morally and sexually ambiguous."

"Meaning?"

"You're morally neutral. When you die, well, chances are you will end up in Bast's Pleasurehouse, where you will spend the rest of eternity lying about as a useless wastrel. Just like you are now..."

"...seems fantastic to me."

"Do you not see the good that you have the power to do? Do you not see the people you could help? Or, quite simply...the Evil that your power could help destroy?"

"And do what? Spend the rest of eternity vaporizing demons that will just keep coming? Or cultists that will just keep appearing? Leave that to the Paladins. I know the story of Asmodeus. How many EONS he spent fighting the Demons and gaining zero ground."

"DO NOT DARE SPEAK THAT TRAITOR'S NAME IN THIS SACRED PLACE!!"

"Right, sorry, forgot. Sore spot."

"Point is: I'm not doing it. I'm not taking up that fight. I'm perfectly content to lie around for the rest of eternity watching you Angels and Demons and Devils beat the crap out of each other while I stay pleasantly uninvolved and hedge bets on the winner."

"Sure. Sit around a cathouse for a few million years. Have all the sex you could ever want. Do all the drugs you could ever want. Smoke as much devilweed as your heart desires. Snort dreamleaf off the breasts of young maidens. It'll give you a thrill..for a few hundred years, maybe. But eventually, the worst thing in the world will happen to you Salim. The thing you hate and fear most of all..."

"And what is that, my dear?"

"...Boredom."

[kitteninablender]

"Boredom? You think boredom is what I fear more than anything?"

"Is it not true? Why do you do the things you do, Archmage? Why DO you summon Celestial Treeants to be your weed guy? Why do you fornicate with Deva and Succubus alike, just to see who's better in bed? Why do you summon ARCHANGELS to settle arguments over whether or not Pineapple goes on Cheesy bread?"

"Does it?"

"....I refuse to dignify that with a response."

"Worth a shot I suppose."

"Alright, fine. You're right. I do it...cause I'm bored."

"Exactly. Salim. You can assume any form you wish. Teleport across continents. Conjure energy the likes of which can vaporize buildings. Transform lead into Gold.."

"You know that last one doesn't really work, right?"

"The symbolism stands. Salim. You've gotten so powerful...that you've gotten bored. Just like Jergal. You've spent so much time being a degenerate that the same things that once brought you pleasure no longer do. Salim...that's the sign of an Addict."

"Aye, well, we both know I am an addict."

"Yes. You are. Looking to fill the great void, the great emptiness within you. A void that no amount of power can ever fill. A void that can be filled by one thing, and one thing only."

"Rough sex and a shot of rum?"

"PURPOSE, NUMB-NUTS!"

"...Right. Purpose. I was absolutely going to answer that."

"Uh huh."

"And what NOBLE purpose should I strive to, hm? What noble goal should I pursue?"

"That's your choice. Hells, feed the homeless. Start a shelter for abandoned kittens. Hells, why not both? Might be fun."

"I could always feed the kittens to the Homeless and kill two birds with one stone! Help control the pet population AND end the hunger crisis!"

"While I do admire creative solutions to problems, let's NOT enact the plan that involves homeless people eating cats."

"Hey, probably not the first time one of them has eaten a feline. You get hungry enough, a cat can start to look pretty tempting. And of course you know I'm going to make a joke about eating pu--"

**AHEM**

"...pudding. Pudding. There's a joke. About eating pudding. In there. Somewhere."

"All silliness aside, Thaumaturge. Your power is such that you could help so many people. Just like Elminster."

"Elminster is a chosen of Mystra. I'm a guy who's ancestors got shagged by Far Spawn. Think there's a bit of a difference there."

"It's true. You're an abomination. By all rights you should be killed where you stand, being what you are. But you still have a choice. You still have Free Will."

"Oh, bollocks. Free WIll. Biggest load of nonsense in the cosmos, that is. As if we really have a choice in the grand scheme of it all."

"You do."

"Horse Sh-t. I didn't choose to be a tentacle-faced monstrosity. I didn't choose to be a conduit for magicks of pure chaos and entropy! I didn't CHOOSE a GODS-BE-DAMNED THING!!"

[kitteninablender]

"No. You did not. You did not choose where your powers came from. But you do have the power to choose what you do with them."

"And what would I do with them, hmm? Destroy an orphanage just because it gives me that tingly feeling? Because that's what a Farspawn would do!!"

"Or how about instead of blowing it up for once you actually used your magic and BUILT ONE!! You can Fabricate a pile of driftwood into a Galleon!!"

"That might be fun actually..."

"Yes, it would be!! Think of the architecture involved! Think of the skill!? Instead of building a Ship in a Bottle, Salim, just build a gods-be-damned SHIP!!"

"Then I can blow it up, and then put it back together, and do it again!!"

"Dammit Salim! I'm trying to be serious here! You have the power to help so many people!! And you use it to tell bad jokes and fornicate with Deva and Succubus alike!! You are wasting your POTENTIAL!! WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR POWER TO SOME GOOD USE, DAMMIT!?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MINE!! IT'S MY POWER!! NOT YOURS!! NOT ANYBODY ELSE'S!! MINE!!!!"

"So much for greed being the worst sin of man. Truly you are a hypocrite."


"Do not DARE to call ME a Hypocrite, Angel. I have seen the endless hypocrisy of you and yours. You have looked down upon mortals since the dawn of time. Seen us as playthings, toys. You're no different than the Devils. Souls are power. And you want ours. Just like they do."



"And what would you know of it, mortal?"

"I know that Souls are Currency. Planar Currency. And this war between Good, Evil, Law, Chaos...it's Divine Capitalism. And our souls are the coins. Some are worth far more than others. Some less. And I'm not going to be involved in it. I'm not playing that 3-shell game."

"What in the Hells is a 3-shell game?"

"My my. An Angel that I cannot lie to, and yet one who does not know the rules of what is, quite literally, one of the oldest deceptions known to mortalkind. Please. Sit with me, oh Exalted One, and allow the MORTAL, for once, to Enlighten Ye!!"

"Fine. I'll humor you, for the sake of argument."

"The rules of the game are simple. 3 shells. Completely identical to each other. A ball. The name of the game is easy...find the ball. Simple, right?"

"Very."

"But it isn't. The game is actually a very intricate con. And it comes in steps. And the game, truly, is the greatest metaphor that I can think of to describe the nature of the Gods themselves."

"Interesting. Go on.."

"Now, in order to appreciate the subtle machinations of this game you need to understand all of it's parts. And all of it's players. The first, of course, being the "Mark." That's the poor sod who's about to lose his money thinking he has a chance in the Nine Hells of actually winning this game."

"You mean the Victim."

"Yes. The Victim. The Victim is the target. The one who's gold you're seeking to obtain. The second person is the one actually handling the game. Usually a man who has had some measure of training in Legerdemain."

"Legerdemain?"

"Yes. Legerdemain. Also known as Prestidigitation. Also known as "Sleight of Hand."

"You mean 'Cheating."

"Semantics."

"The third member of the Gang is the one known as the Smoother. The Smoother is a Stooge."

"A Stooge?"

"It's a term magicians use for someone in the audience who's 'in' on the gag. A secret participant, disguised as a member of the audience."

"You mean an accomplice."

"Once again: Semantics. But more or less correct. The Smoother's job is to work as security for the guy handling the game, look out for guards, and also look out for potential Marks. Usually tourists. People who don't know better than to guard their coin purse or seem like the Naive type to easily trust a stranger. Take it from me, a Mark isn't hard to spot."

"Neither is a Victim."

"....err...right.."

[kitteninablender]

"Now then. The Mark..."

"The Victim."

"Fine. The VICTIM is just minding his business. Strolling down the Bazaar streets. Looking at the sights. The exotic spices, the exotic fabrics. And then he sees a game of chance in the corner. Those are always fun. The Guards haven't arrested this person, yet...so obviously what he's doing isn't illegal. Yet. So the Mark..."

"Victim"

"Wha..?"

"Victim. I will keep correcting you until you call them what they ACTUALLY ARE."

"FIne! The VICTIM walks up and watches the game, too scared to play at first. They always are. So that's where the Smoother comes in."

"The Accomplice."

"Yes. The ACCOMPLICE. The Accomplice is playing the game when the Victim steps up. The Accomplice, however, is winning the game about half the time, losing about half the time. Thing is...he's gambling with the gangs own money. So it doesn't matter how much he wins or loses. It's all for show. To lure the Victim in."

"An entrapment. To deceive them."

"Very much so. Now the Victim, he sees this unknown Accomplice win a few games, lose a few games. Thing is...the Handler....erm...the CHEATER isn't Cheating. Not at the moment. He's playing a legitimate game. And the Victim is watching the 3 shells and the ball...he's finding the ball almost every time. Because the Cheater is intentionally going slow, and the Accomplice is intentionally losing some games. Pretending to be slow, or stupid."

"Feigning Ignorance. To deceive a target, and give them a false sense of confidence."

"Astute as always."