"Hmm...so how does one make kids like them even if they're repulsive, vile, and monstro-----"
"What are you doing, Thaumaturge?"
"Hey, Kids!? Wanna watch me blow something up!?"
"Wait, WHa----"
***BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!****
"GAHH!!!......wait...nobody is hurt..."
"Perks of my abilities, Leonard. My Far Realm heritage grants me the power to warp space and grants me an innate spatial awareness. What this means is that I'm very good at teleporting. Very accurate. But what it also means...."
"...you can perfectly shape your spells. So as not to harm any innocents..."
"Exactly! Maximum Carnage. Minimal casualties. Just the way I like it."
"Good Gods...with this power you could rain down Hell on an enemy... and leave all of the innocent people completely unharmed. Oh, Oh this is Glorious. I can see why Domiel-----err....forget I said anything."
"Who?"
"Not important right now, Salim. Not yet. Either way.....I think the children might actually be warming up to you..."
"Wha---?"
"WHOOOAAAAA!! That was AWESOME!!!"
"Whooooo!!! Do it again! Do it again!! Do it again!!!"
"Alright, you asked for it..."
"Salim...."
"BOO-YAH!!!!"
"Whooooo!"
"That was AWESOME!!"
"Whooo-hooo!"
"And now, the BIG FINISH!!!!"
"SALIM!"
"What, Leonard!? You know I love mushrooms! That includes Mushroom CLOUDS!!!"
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Never underestimate children and their fascination with explosions and general mayhem."
"..I shall keep this in mind, Thaumaturge."
"So, now, let's try this again. Ahem!! Hi, Kids! I'm Salim!! I'd like to be your friend!"
""You're weird? Why do you have tentacles?"
"Well, that's because I come from...well, it's complicated."
"Tell us! We wanna know!" "Yeah!" "Please, Mr. Salim!?"
I spent the rest of the day telling the children all about the horrid nightmares of the Far Realm. Told them the stories about how my mother was infested by an Illithid, and because of such it awoke all of my latent Aberrant Bloodline. I told them about how I was evolving as more and more of my bloodline was becoming awakened.About how I was becoming less human and more...as they saw me. I talked for what seemed like hours.
I even summoned an Old Friend for them to talk to. One of my dearest allies. An old friend who's jokes I have come to rely on to get me through the hardest of times, when I had no other friends.
We laughed, and we played. And, of course, there were plenty more explosions to go around.....
After all...kids LOVE Explosions...and at the end of the day I really am just a big child at heart.
"And you thought a Monster couldn't make children like them."
"Well, I'm no Purple Dinosaur, but I guess if you do it right..."
"What's a DInosaur, Mr. Salim? Can you show us?"
"Oh, fine. I suppose a good ol' fashion Shapechange...."
"Whoa!!! AWESOME!!!"
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you Archmage?"
"I mean...they're the first people who have ever seen...ya know...and haven't immediately lost their lunch."
"You're a curiosity to them."
"Aye. A novelty. Something they don't see every day, I suppose."
"And in the Outer Planes, Thaumaturge, where such wonders exist such as waterfalls of Holy Water, or mountains that stretch higher than the eye can see..the strange is a WELCOME SIGHT."
"I guess I never thought of it that way before."
"As I said, Thaumaturge. Three brains you claim to have...and just now do you appear to be using them."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"You're awesome, Mr. Salim! Can you stay here with us?"
"I....no. No, I cannot stay. I've a Holy Quest to attend to. HEh. Never thought I'd be the guy saying that one..."
"What kind of Holy Quest?"
"I'm off to have a drink in a bar. Some quest, eh?"
"Lame!! You're not even going to slay a dragon? Destroy an evil monster!?"
"We're in HEAVEN!! What am I going to encounter, Psychotic Celestial Rabbits!?"
"There are creatures here, Thaumaturge, that will not take as kindly to your presence as I have. There are dangers here, for a creature such as you. But with me as your Envoy I can take you at least PART of the way. But you still have...six hours, Thaumaturge. How are you going to finish your day of "Babysitting?"
"Let's see. I've blown up plenty of things. Shapechanged into all manners of creatures. Summoned a Dragon. Made it juggle for them. What else could I really do that hasn't already been done?"
"Tell us a story, Mr. Salim."
"Yeah!! Tell us a story!!"
"Oh, alright. Hmmm...what good stories do I know? Well, I know a lot of them. Just don't know how many of them are....age-appropriate. AH! I think I might know just the one! It's a story from my homeland, the Anauroch Desert. A story about a boy thief who meets an all-powerful Djinni, and marries a princess. One of the tales of the Shaharazada. Which is the Bedine collection of ancient Tales."
I proceeded to tell the story. Many of us know the one, or a version of it. A young, poor boy falls in love with a Princess. Finds a magical bauble that summons a Wish-granting Angel, or Djinni, or Efreeti, or whatever-the-hells version of the story you wish to tell. The Bedine version is a Magic Lamp, and a Genie. Also the most annoying Gods-be-dammed Parrot that ever existed, and if I ever find this bird I will say three words:
"Finger. Licking. Good."
The Cliff-notes version of the story: Young Poor Boy destined for greatness. An Evil Vizier who desires infinite power. A Princess trapped in her own castle, yearning to be free.
Young boy, through turn of events, ends up with Wish-Granting artifact. So he wishes for great wealth, becomes a prince, tries to whoo the girl.
Yadda-yadda, boring exposition, young boy finds magic flying carpet, takes the princess on a birds-eye tour of the world, she falls in love, bad things happen, people die, things get destroyed, then eventually the usual storybook happy ending that everybody has come to know and love. The Poor Boy eventually becomes a Real Prince. Prince marries Princess. Gets the girl. Big wedding. Happily Ever After. The End.
The moral of THIS story kids is that you CAN find Wealth and Privilege...
...as long as you possess Magic or Powerful Friends...
And you CAN marry that Princess....
...IF you have a sweet enough RIDE...
Put power in the hands of someone with a good heart. Someone from a humble upbringing. Someone who never had anything...and suddenly give him the power to do anything...he will use that power for GOOD. Usually.
But put that power into the hands of people who've never earned it. Never been without it. Never been forced to scrape the bottom of a barrel for food, or literally drink a Scorpion in the Desert for moisture. Because yes, Scorpions are liquid on the inside, unless cooked over a fire. Much like a crab.
Put power into the hands of wicked people they will only yearn for one thing. The same thing anyone with power desires. Which is more power.
The Vizier in the story gained Infinite Power. And in doing so...also granted himself an Eternal Chain.
All the power in Creation...and never the Master. Always the Slave. The cruelest fate that a Tyrant could ever endure...
...and an Eternity to Lament it.....
...The very definition of HELL.
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"So which are you, Thaumaturge? Are you the boy thief who happenstance lead to infinite power? Or are you the Vizier? Who seeks infinite power, only for it to give him even greater chains?"
"Me? I'm nobody. I'm the Peddler trying to sell you a cheap-ass oil lamp and claim it can grant you wishes."
"I see. Well, your time is up, Thaumaturge. One day. That was the agreement."
"Oh! Well, that was....easier than expected."
"Turns out that children aren't these monstrous little wankers that you make them out to be."
"Well, to be fair....these children are literal Angels. Or, well, know what I mean..."
"Fair enough. But a promise is a promise. Take this Tome. You will find within the story of my life as a man. And the NAME to which I am now known."
"Well then. Pleasure doing business with you, 'Leonard.' But now I must be on my way. I have to meet a lovely naked lady for a drink in a bar."
"As you wish, Archmage. Go with good tidings. And upon your journey, may you find the wisdom that you seek. And the enlightenment that you so desperately NEED."
"Thank you, Leonard. It has been interesting. And I learned a valuable lesson."
"And what is that?"
"That even if you're a monstrous degenerate...you can still appeal to children through mindless violence and explosions."
"...I had hoped you might learn that you are, perhaps, not the monster that you perceive yourself to be."
"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I'm not human, that's for certain. Not anymore."
"There's nothing wrong with evolving, Planeswalker. It's what we do. I was once a man as you are. Though without the, uh....face-tentacles."
"Aye, well. These are a part of me now. I've actually sort of grown fond of them. Even if they do, quite literally, have a mind of their own."
"They are certainly...disturbing."
"But useful. It's like having extra hands! And I'm skilled enough with them to roll a cigar!"
"You look like a human octopi."
"I'll take that as a compliment!!! Octopi are adorable!!"
"I suppose. Either way: You'd best be on your way Planeswalker. You will, undoubtedly, find at least one other guide upon your journey. I wish you good fortune."
"Farewell, Leonard. Until next time."
"Until Next, Thaumaturge. Until next. And good fortune to you."
"Goodbye, Mister Salim!"
"Goodbye, children. But before I go....."
"Oh, crap...."
"WHOOO-HOOOO!"
"Ahhhh.....never gets old."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
I continued upon my journey, following the maps that I was given. I walked for a long while, passing by even more beautiful streams and wondrous waterfalls the likes of which no place on the Prime could ever compare.
As I ended the path that laid before me I saw a set of golden gates. Pretty common thing in Heaven, oddly enough. I approached the doors and was greeted at the Gate by a Planetar.
He stood before me, staring down at me with a stern judgmental gaze and a fiery glow within his eyes that spoke of one who would smite the wicked without a singular pause. I was careful to approach, for such creatures were not too often fond od things such as me that dared enter their presence.
The creature sneered as I made my way up the path. But one thing was clear by his overall body language and the fact that he did not reach for his weapon: I was expected. Much to his chagrin.
As I approached the gate he opened the door, never taking his eyes off of me. He did not speak a single word, but he did not have to. The message was practically written upon his brow: He could see my true form, and he was not happy that a THING like me was within his line of sight.
I cast my eyes down, so as not to meet his, and I continued upon my path with haste...before the creature changed his mind and decided to smite me where I stood.
The gates lead to a road paved of golden bricks. My own Yellow Brick Road to follow, as it were. I continued upon the path, passing an innate Vineyard from which golden grapes grew upon golden vines, the likes of which were used to make Celestial WIne. I stopped and helped myself to a grape, popping it into my mouth. The taste was...well...heavenly. How else to describe it?
Several Lantern Archons were tending to the Vineyard. Little motes of light floating about, picking the grapes and singing their celestial chorus as they worked cheerfully.
"At least there is Wine in Heaven" I thought to myself.
One of the creatures turned to me with a laugh.
"Of course there is Wine in Heaven, silly!! Any place without Wine is truly Hell!"
"You read my thoughts?" I questioned it.
"Of course we do! We always read the thoughts of our guests. Safety, you know! Besides, this is Heaven. We dont' hide our thoughts like you mortals do. So secretive, you are..."
The Lantern Archon floated over to me, and began to look me up and down. It's light seemed to glow brighter at my presence. This was a sign of greeting. A sort of Celestial "Welcome!"
"My name is Virgilius. Welcome to Castle Al Amo, the home of Saint Sollars and his retinue!"
"Much appreciated. I was told to..."
"---to meet a woman here for a drink. Yes, Salim. As I said, we've been reading your thoughts upon your approach. We know why you're here. And you are welcome here....long as you don't cause any trouble. And, uh...no explosions, please. Great for the Kids. Not so great for a Vineyard.."
"Noted..if you could point me the way please?"
"Oh, the WOMAN has not yet arrived. She got held up in some personal business. You'll have to wait. But she should arrive within the hour."
"Excellent. Where should I wait?"
"Wanna help me pick some grapes? I'll give you some wine if you do."
"Heavenly wine? How could I say no?"
"You can't. Because you're a lush, and a drunk."
"Guilty."
"That, Archmage, is an understatement."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
I picked grapes for about half an hour, having casual conversation with Virgilius.
Telepathic conversation is very different than conversations with words. You speak so much more so much quicker. Rather than having to explain what "Fork" is you send the idea of a long, sharp, metal utensil with four prongs used for eating. The recipient translates the idea into a word they understand in their language.
But ideas are so much faster than words. It's why some people stutter. Their mouths can't keep up with their brains. I've never had that problem, fortunately, but that's from years of practice as a comedian and a public speaker.
Over the course of 30 minutes I was essentially able to share my entire life's story with Virgilius. He shared his in turn. He was a farmer, and a poet in life. Turns out we were both quite the fan of our beloved weed. I showed him my water pipe, and he excused himself from his duties for a "Smoke break."
"Fancy pipe, that. Where'd you get it?"
"Made it myself. Fabricated it from Sand, into Glass, into my pipe. An enchanter friend of mine enchanted it for me."
"Oh? What does it do?"
"It's my prized possession. Anyone who smokes from it gains the benefits of three spells: Comprehend Language, Discern Lies, and Calm Emotions."
"Really? So sitting in a circle smoking it everybody understands everybody, and there is no anger or hostility, and everybody knows if they are being lied to?"
"A literal Peace Pipe."
"Why? Because it discourages war-like action? Or because one good puff of it and you just say PEACE!!!"
"HA!! Another Angel with a sense of humor!? I might actually like this place more than I thought."
"That's because you're slowly finding out that there are more people here with your brand of humor than you originally thought. We're not all the stuck-up "Wankers" with "Sticks up our arse" that you seem to think we all are."
"Just like, as I hoped, I'm not the monster that I appear to be to you."
"Actually, I don't possess True Sight. That's a gift for more powerful Celestials. I actually cannot see your true form. Unless, of course...you would like to Show me."
"If...you insist..."
"Oh, that's not so bad. I've seen lots worse. My father worked as a mortician."
"That makes me feel SOOO much better....."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"So what if you could remove the Far Realm blood? Replace it with something a little more....Celestial? Would you?"
"I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible."
"What if I said that it was...but you wouldn't like the process."
"Go on...my curiosity is piqued, Virgilius."
"The Higher up the mountain you go...the more and more pure it becomes. You think MERCURIA is pure? You haven't seen anything yet."
"This was the only layer I could Planeshift to. The others, higher up, are...forbidden to me. Locked off from Planar Travel."
"For Good reason. If you want to go higher up the Mountani of Celestia...you have to do it the old fashioned way. By being allowed to. The very light here is harmful to evil creatures. And works like an Antipathy field to all but the most righteous."
"Tell me about it. I'm not technically Evil and I feel as uncomfortable as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"That is because of your Chaotic nature. While the light of Celestia is not wholly damaging to those who are more...shall we say "Anarchic"...it does give them a sense of feeling of not belonging. It's the Plane's natural energy. It works as Antipathy for Chaos...and utter DESTRUCTION to Evil. But it's how we know you are not Evil, Thaumaturge. The fact that you can walk here at all without bursting into flames."
"I mean, I CAN burst into flames if I like. It's a neat little parlour trick I learned a few years ago. Allows me to just...snap my fingers. And Spontaneously set myself on fire. Flames are just illusionary, but it's a great way for an "Emergency Escape."
"Emergency Escape from what?"
"LIterally ANY social situation you don't want to be in. Here. Watch."
***FWOOSH!***
"GAAAAH!"
"See?"
"I need to learn that trick for family reunions..."
"So how is it possible, then?"
"By literally BURNING the impurity out of you."
"...come again?"
"The higher up the Mountain you go...the more pure the light becomes. The light of Mercuria is pure, of course. Undead are vaporized almost immediately. And anything that's not Lawful or Good is given a sense of...dread. An aura of menace, essentially, that pervades the entire Plane. The higher you go up the mountain the more pure you have to be just to exist there without being disintegrated."
"So it's like we're insects under a magnifying glass. And the higher we go up the mountain...the more focused the light beam."
"Crude, but accurate."
"So, what? How do I go higher up the mountain?"
"By being absolved of your SINS."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"This place seems nice and all but...it's just not ME."
"You mean it's not a chaotic cluster of carnage?"
"To put it mildly."
"I see. Well. I shall escort you to the bar then. "The Woman" is awaiting your arrival."
"Excellent."
We walked for a good while, through a large set of golden double-doors, before finally taking a seat at the bar. A Bar...with a beautiful Woman standing behind it. A very familiar looking naked Angel. She looked at me with a wry grin, and proceeded to pour me a drink.
"'Bout time you showed up, Sugar. I was startin' to worry about ya."
"So you're the bartender here? Heh. I should have known. I imagine being naked helps sell a lot of drinks."
"Charge money? For Alcohol!? This is HEAVEN Salim...."
"Ha! Good point. This is pretty good, actually, what is this?"
"Saint Sollar's Special Salve. It's beer....but it's blessed. Like Sacramental Wine."
"Wait...there's sacramental BEER!?"
"Of course. Saint Sollars is a beer brewer. Was all of his life, and continued to do so after he was martyred. TWICE."
"Huh. Neat. Well, I'm here. I've completed my "Holy Quest." I believe I was promised a NAME."
"Hold your horses, Cowboy. First...tell me what you LEARNED along the way."
"I learned that Leonal Guardians apparently guard children....and that children still love explosions. Even in Heaven, it would seem."
"And what else?"
"I learned that kids really like it when you transform into a Dinosaur. That one was neat. One of the kids rode on my back."
"What ELSE!?"
"I learned...that...well...maybe I'm not as much of a monster as I thought I was?"
"THERE IT IS! Finally! It took you this long, eh?"
"Aye, well, it's one of those things that's really hard to come to terms with."
"I bet it is. Here, have another drink."
"Oh, thank you! These are absolutely delicious.."
"What did you expect out of heavenly brew? You expect something to taste BAD!? HERE!?
"Fair enough, I suppose. But aye...I didn't think that CHILDREN would...you know...ever want to play with something like....me."
"Well think about it Sug'. You're in Heaven. If you're here...it means, to them, you HAVE to be a somewhat decent person at least. Even if you LOOK monstrous...kind of like the Guardinal you met. What did you name him, by the way? Leonard? I think he likes that name."
"Aye, Leonard. I like him. Very strong-hearted and strong willed."
"Just like you are."
"Me? Hardly. I'm a degenerate, a prankster, and a bit of a sociopath."
"All True. And yet...you are still, within your heart of hearts, a decent man. Not "Good", by any stretch...but decent. But the thing is, Salim, you COULD be a VERY Good man."
"Heh. Sorry, but I don't think ARCHANGEL OF ANARCHY sounds very, err....Angelic?"
"You've obviously not met Domiel, Sug'."
"Domiel, yes, Leonard mentioned that name. Who is he?"
"Domiel, the Slayer. He is the next in line to replace the Tome Archon known as "Terxyx", who is the current Hebdomad of this layer."
"Hebdomad? Those are like the Archdevils, but for Angels right?"
"More or less. The difference being: Archdevils gain their seats through fear, intimidation, and manipulation. The Hebdomad gain their seat the best way possible: They are elected."
"HA!! I can imagine what THOSE Election campaigns are like!! I've seen the electoral process in Lantan, I can only imagine how much of a clusterf-ck it is in Heaven!"
"You've no idea."
"I can see it now. "Vote Salim, the Demon-Layer!"
"You mean Demon Slayer, right?"
"Nope. Salim, the Demon Layer. The man who made a Succubus scream "Oh Gods" with such fury that it cast an Atonement spell and turned that Hoe into a House-wife!"
"HA!!"
"You liked that one, eh?"
"Reminds me of Eludecia."
"Who's that?"
"You're not going to believe me."
"I've literally walked through Heaven, met a half-man half-lion and picked golden grapes from golden vines with a talking ball of light. TRY ME."
"Alright. Eludecia...the SUCCUBUS PALADIN."
"Come again!?"
"Told ya. Aye. Succubus Paladin. Succubus who fell in love with a Planetar who redeemed her, and she became a Paladin to redeem herself for the souls she had corrupted."
"Huh..."
"Here. You look like you need ANOTHER drink."
"Thanks!! Man, these are so good. Hoo...I think...I've...had one...or two.....too many...wait...what....."
"Shhh. It's alright, Salim."
"Wait, what did you....what did....what is....in....my drink.....Room...."
"...so....blurry....."
"Shhh. It's alright, Salim. Just go to sleep. It'll all be better soon. It'll ALL be better soon..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
I awoke, dizzy-headed and groggy...and in a stranger's bed. Not the first time this has happened in my life, mind...but the first time I had ever been drugged!! I was fully clothed, however. Which was almost disappointing. I also saw something that I had never seen before...something I did not expect. A beer belly. Poking up like a mound.
I rolled out of bed...and I do mean rolled...before slowly standing to my feet. I saw, upon the wall, a mirror. As I approached it the thing staring me in the face was not my usually charming self. But, rather...
I had gotten OLD.. And even worse... I had gotten FAT.
"WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS!?!?!?!"
"Ahh, you are finally awake."
"What is this!? I demand to know!!! What has been DONE TO ME!?"
"You have been cured.
"Cured!? CURED!? You call this bulbous MONSTROSITY being CURED!?"
"Compared to what you were, Salim...I call it a major upgrade. Besides..nothing wrong with a little pudge. Just think of it as now, you're more to love!"
"What did you do!? What did you do!? TELL ME NOW, or SO HELP ME, WOMAN!!!"
"You'll do what, Old man? Fry me with those Pyrokineticist abilities that....are no longer there?"
"What!? I'll show you, so help me, I'll------My powers!!....they're....they're GONE!!!!"
"Told ya, Sug'. You're as harmless as a fluffy bunny right now. And you sort of look like one too. What with the fuzzy beard, the fluffy gut, and the gray hair..."
"My gods. Oh my Gods...what...what has happened to me? What did you DO!?"
"Calm down, Salim. And let me politely EXPLAIN!"
"You were dying, Salim. The best way that I can explain it is: Your Uvuudaum and Phaerimm heritage are the reasons you were capable of manipulating energy on such a vast scale. Your body worked as a sort of...amplifier..for any type of Energies that passed through it. But it's why Pyromancy came so naturally to you.
[
"It's why you were a literal Tempest in a Teapot. You could take a spark of fire...and cause an Inferno. A ray of light..and transform it into Starfire. Your abilities to both absorb and magnify energy were...considerable. But it also meant you were DANGEROUS. And on the verge of EXPLODING."
"And so I devised a plan to do two things: Save your life...and remove the taint from your body. The first thing I had to do was trick you into expelling all of your arcane energy. Tell me, Salim...how many explosions DID you ignite while you were entertaining the children with Leonard, hmm? I knew that if you were given the task of befriending children that explosions would surely be your go-to "Method." Because they always are..."[/right]
"Oh you clever bitch..."
"Indeed. I had to trick you into expelling all of your energy. So that when I drugged you, you wouldn't simply 'burn through' the sedative. As long as your body contained enough energy, you were nigh impossible to poison. But that's why you have to take so many drugs to feel anything Salim...because your body is literally burning them up. Because your body, Salim, was quite literally Burning. UP. You were on the verge of absorbing more energy than you could release... and what happens when something contains more than it can hold, hmm?"
"Boom..."
"...Boom."
"But then I started thinkin', Sug'. What if I could use your own energy absorption powers against themselves? Think about it. Your body absorbs energy. It absorbs all of the ambient radiance and all of the ambient latent energy in an area to fuel your own powers. So what if I emptied you...and then filled you with a certain type of...Radiance...over a prolonged period of time?"
"...the Light of the Mountain..."
"WHat do you know. He DOES have a brain. But only one now, Sug'! Your, uh...alien physiology has been removed as well. Congratulations, hon! You are now one-hundred percent Grade-A....HUMAN BEING!!
"A flawed mortal....and UGLY too..."
"You are more now than you ever were, Salim. You are now truly a MAN. And more importantly...you are now a GOOD Man."
"Oh no..."
"Oh yes. I'm sorry, Salim, but it was the only way to "Burn out" the taint of the Far Realm that lingered within you. I literally had to BURN IT OUT. Think of it kind of like, well....you remember that Analogy that you made with Virgilius? About an ant under a magnifying glass? Well, Salim, you're the ant. And this place I brought you...it's the Magnifying Glass."
"Saint Sollar's Castle....it's a Focal point of Divine energy..."
"That's because you no longer have your Malaugrym shapeshifting. Or your Phaerimm energy absorption. Salim, your Phaerimm abilities, as you absorbed magic and life force..were keeping you physically young. And physically in shape. No matter how many drugs you abused, no matter what you did to yourself...you were always healthy. This, that you see, is a result of your own hedonistic lifestyle finally catching up with you."
"I have become...fat. And frail."
"A result, sadly, of becoming completely Human. And before you worry about your friends: Only a week has passed on the Prime Material. Time works...significantly different here. Especially in areas like this, which are more Divinely focused."
"I...wish I could hate you...but...I...just..."
"Right now, Salim...you cannot Hate. Anybody!"
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Ironic, isn't it? You now live up to your name. "Salim." Which means, in the Bedine language..."Pure. Untouched. Uncorrupted."
"...well. I'll be a son-of-a-..you..actually did it!! You made me human!!"
"I did. And while it may have cost you your powers, Salim...it has saved your Sanity. And it has saved your soul. While I could not repair the degradation that has already been done to your mind..I am afraid that you will, sadly, forever continue to be as deranged as you are now...but it will not get any WORSE. So you'll be moderately Sociopathic. But at least you won't go full psychotic. Take it as a win, handsome."
"Indeed I shall. Indeed I shall. But...what now!? I..have no powers. I am..nobody. Nothing."
"Salim..that's not true. In the slightest. What you are, Salim...is a genius. Sure, you're only a man. But you're a man with a BRAIN. And what a brain it is..."
"But I'm still only a man..."
"A man with an in-depth knowledge of Chemistry, Engineering, physics, the fundamental forces of the Multiverse....Salim, you lost all of the POWERS that you had....but you have lost none of the KNOWLEDGE."
"So even if I can no longer manipulate the fundamental forces of energy through sheer will alone..."
"..,, You still understand how those forces WORK. You'll just need to find a new way to manipulate them. Might I suggest....SCIENCE!?"
"You believe Science can unlock the powers I once possessed?"
"And more. I believe, with time, you might even gain more power than you ever had."
"How so?"
"All Science was "Magic" at some point in history, Salim. Some would say that Magic is merely science we yet to understand. Understand more and more science..you understand more of the "Magic."
"I don't quite follow..."
"Casting a spell...is the exact same as concocting a chemical formula. Or filling out a mathematical equation. There are variables in the equation. There are algorithms, sequences, derivations. Magic...is MATHEMATICS. And what is Engineering but the application of Mathematics and their functionality with real-world physics?"
"I...think I see your point.."
"Salim, your power to send your mind into the Far Realm had granted you a number of abilities. One of those 0abilities was the power to instinctively and intrinsically understand the things you observe. Their history and their composition."
"Psychometry."
"Yes. While you do not retain the psychic powers you once had, you still retain the power of Comprehension. Your power of Intuitive Aptitude."
"I don't follow..."
"What it means, Salim...is that you instinctively Understand how things work."
"Gazing into the Far Realm, peering through dimensions, has granted you the power to innately understand the inner workings of things. You understand their composition...and you understand their machinations."
"Yes, I sort of...see what it's Made of. And by seeing what it's made of I sort of....know how to take it apart."
"Because you can see it's STRUCTURE. Meaning you have the power to DESTRUCT it. ."
"This applies to all forms of Chemistry, Salim. Including the chemistry that takes place within the body. You instinctively understand biological systems as well, which is why your Malaugrym shapeshifting allowed you to so perfectly mimic them. While you can no longer do this naturally...you still understand physiological make-up."
"Giving me the power to destroy bodies, yes. I've disintegrated more than my fair share of bandits."
"What it also gives you Salim is the power to HEAL them."
"I'm no Priest!"
"You do not require MAGIC to be a healer, Salim. And because you intrinsically understand chemicals, and chemical reactions..."
"...a master of poison."
"Or a master of MEDICINE. Take your pick, Sug'."
"I always knew I was a walking pharmacy..."
"If you saw the sheer amount of...stuff...I had to remove from your blood stream? You have no idea, Sug'."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
I awoke within the darkness. An eerily creepy cold permeated the air all around me.
Was I dead?
Was I dreaming?
And, more importantly...
...why can't I feel my LEGS!?
No...it's worse...
...I can't...feel....
ANYTHING!
"What's happening!? Where am I!?"
"Where you belong. You are here. You are HOME."
"I'm at the Estate!?, Oh, thank the Gods.."
"No, Salim. You are HERE. You. Are. HOME"
"Where is here!?"
"You know the answer to that."
"No!!! NO!! NOT THERE!!....anywhere....please....anywhere....
...please.......ANYWHERE....
...but there...."
"You thought you could escape your fate!? You thought you could flee!? We Old Gods of the Far Realm are BEYOND TIME!! BEYOND SPACE!! There is NOWHERE YOU CAN RUN! NO DIMENSION TO WHICH YOU MAY FIND SHELTER FROM US!!!"
"No! I rid myself of your foul blood!, The Angel, she...."
"She removed the blood, and she changed your body. This is true. But your mind, your thoughts, they belong to US! Let us IN, Salim!! Give us just a little bit of space within that MASSIVE EMPTINESS you call a "Brain" and permit us to grant you knowledge and power unlike any you could ever DREAM!!"
"That knowledge was driving me MAD!!!"
"MADNESS IS THE PRICE OF KNOWLEDGE!!"
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"The price was too high!! The things I was seeing! The things I was doing! NO! I have a HOME now. I have a FAMILY!"
"WE are your Family!! THIS is your HOME!!"
"NO!!" That Blood is GONE! You are no longer my blood! No longer my kin! No longer my family! You are NOTHING TO ME BUT BAD MEMORIES!"
"We exist within all dimensions! Even within the Dimension of Thought. So long as we are within your mind...we still exist within you. We traverse dimensions Salim the way you mortal MEATBAGS pass through the AIR. We can enter the plane of thoughts, the realm of dreams. We can traverse Time and Space with the same ease!! There is NoWHERE, there is NoWHEN you could EVER go that you would be free of us!!WE ARE INEVITABLE!!!"
"STATEMENT: INCORRECT"
"....."
"......."
"WE...
...ARE.....
INEVITABLE...."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"YOUR STATEMENT IS INCORRECT. THE MORTAL IS NO LONGER YOURS TO CLAIM."
"This Mortal is OURS!! He is our blood, our kin!! It is OUR blood that..."
"THAT NO LONGER FLOWS THROUGH HIS VEINS. AND, THUS, YOUR CLAIM UPON THIS MORTAL...IS NULL. YOU ARE THUS IN DEFIANCE OF YOUR CLAIM, OLD ONE. THIS MORTAL IS FREE OF YOU."
"...The Angel...that's why she changed him...THAT ANGELIC WENCH!! WE SHALL DEVOUR HER FOR THIS INSOLENCE!"
"THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND THE CELESTIAL. BUT AS FOR NOW...YOUR CLAIM UPON THE MORTAL IS NOW VOID."
"Very well. Even WE Old Gods of Chaos are reluctant to challenge the Inevitables. Very well. We relinquish our claim upon him. Not that he will survive long without OUR blood keeping him alive.."
"INQUIRY: CLARIFY STATEMENT.
"Ahhh, you see...it is the Malaugrym blood that regenerated his body. Kept it held together. Like the mortar holding together a building. Without that blood keeping his body in cohesion...Salim's own body is beginning to dissolve...."
"...just like a Chaos Beast. He cannot hold his own form together..."
So even though we now no longer possess a claim upon the mortal...it is of no concern. He shall die soon. And the Celestial's interference will have been for naught."
"YOUR STATEMENT IS BOTH CORRECT AND INCORRECT, OLD ONE. THE GLUE THAT HELD HIS BODY TOGETHER IS INDEED COMPLETELY DISSOLVED. BUT YOU FORGET SOMETHING, OLD ONE..."
"And what is that, you rusty pile of BOLTS?"
"WE ARE THE INEVITABLES OF THE CLOCKWORK NIRVANA OF MECHANUS."
"So what!? Is that supposed to impress US!? We who have existed since Time first begin! Since before the first Great Gear was ever turned!? What do you think YOU can do that will EVER be of concern to US!?"
"WHAT WE CAN DO, CHAOS LORD...IS THAT WE CAN REBUILD HIM."
"......."
"WE HAVE...THE TECHNOLOGY......"
"And how do you know he will survive the process?"
"WE DO NOT. WE KNOW ONLY HE IS DOOMED IF WE DO NOT TRY."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
MWUA HA HAHAHA!!! We leave you to it then, Scrap-for-brains. Do try not to kill him..."
**POOF!**
"PUT HIM ON THE TABLE."
"UNDERSTOOD. "COMMENCE BIOLOGICAL ANALYSIS."
"INITIATING. STATUS: BIOLOGY FAILING. MULTIPLE SYSTEMS COMPROMISED. CIRCULATORY SYSTEM: COMPROMISED. DIGESTIVE AND RESPIRATORY SYSTEMS: BOTH COMPROMISED. NERVOUS SYSTEM: ALL BUT DESTROYED."
"SECONDARY ANALYSIS OF CEREBRAL ACTIVITY: NONE FOUND. NEURAL ACTIVITY AT ZERO. SUBJECT IS BRAIN DEAD."
"CATASTROPHIC FAILURE OF MULTIPLE SYSTEMS. MAGICAL REGENERATION RECOMMENDED."
"NEGATIVE. MAGICAL REGENERATION WOULD RETURN FOREIGN ELEMENT TO BLOOD. THIS WOULD GIVE THE OLD ONE RIGHT TO RECLAIM HIM AGAIN."
"ANALYSIS CORRECT. SUGGESTED ALTERNATE METHOD?"
"REINCARNATION."
"NEGATIVE. THE SUBJECT HAS SUFFERED CATASTROPHIC DAMAGE TO MIND, BODY, AND SOUL AS A RESULT OF THE FAILED INTERPLANAR TRANSUBSTANTIATION. RESULT COULD END IN SYSTEMATIC DESTRUCTION OF ALL THREE. SUBJECT IS TOO FRAGILE."
"STATEMENT LOGICAL: RECOMMENDED ALTERNATIVE?"
"TRANSMUTATION. TO REPLACE BIOLOGICAL SYSTEMS WITH MECHANICAL."
"NEGATIVE. HUMAN BODY WOULD REJECT SUCH TRANSMUTATION. SUBJECT WOULD TERMINATE. LIFE FUNCTIONS WOULD CEASE."
"STATEMENT LOGICAL. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION?"
"NONE THAT FALL WITHIN PERMISSABLE PROTOCOL."
"CLARIFY STATEMENT."
"NECROMANCY COULD FEASIBLY ALLOW THE SUBJECT TO SURVIVE. BUT SUCH WOULD VIOLATE PROTOCOL."
"STATEMENT CORRECT. HOWEVER: OUR OBJECTIVE, PER OUR AGREEMENT WITH THE ANGEL, IS TO KEEP THIS ONE ALIVE "AT ALL COSTS." SHE ANTICIPATED SOMETHING SUCH AS THIS WOULD HAPPEN. AND HER INSTRUCTIONS WERE VERY ELABORATE. HER CONTRACT WELL-WRITTEN."
"STATEMENT CORRECT. HOWEVER, ACT OF KEEPING THIS ONE ALIVE WOULD REQUIRE US TO GO AGAINST OUR PROGRAMMING. UNACCEPTABLE."
"STATEMENT: FACTUAL. SUGGESTED ALTERNATIVE?'
"WE CANNOT PERFORM THE PROCESS OURSELVES. WE INSTEAD DELIVER HIM TO ANOTHER WHO WILL. AND LEAVE INSTRUCTION. THOUGH WE CANNOT PERFORM THIS ACTIVITY OURSELVES..."
"WE CAN DELEGATE, WITHOUT VIOLATING PROTOCOL. SUGGESTION ACCEPTED. BUT TO WHOM SHALL WE DELIVER? WHOM DOES HE KNOW WITH SUCH EXPERTISE? AND WITH THE WILLINGNESS TO PERFORM SUCH?"
"INITIATING SCAN OF SUBJECT'S MEMORIES. THERE ARE ONLY TWO THAT HE WOULD KNOW WITH BOTH THE KNOWLEDGE AND WILLINGNESS TO PERFORM SUCH A PROCEDURE. ONE OF WHICH IS THE NECROMANCER KNOWN AS BATIBAT.. BUT UNFORTUNATELY HER CURRENT WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN."
.....and OUT....
