Reia - A Hidden Journal

[Inlaa]

I do not know why I want to stay.

With the coming of the Alhoon, it is idiocy to stay here. The illithilich's armies are vast. Our 'great' victory was only against a single, initial wave, not the whole army, and this cost Sshamath many mercenaries and many Duergar. We who are not Drow will be thrown against the hordes of the Alhoon like ragdolls and left to be split into ribbons.

So, why do I stay? Why do I not leave?

I have asked myself this question a hundred times. It would be easy to leave. The Underdark has many secrets that those who do not hear the stone cannot find. It would be easy to escape through these hidden passages, to listen to the stone's whispers until I find a place to hide until all of this war is over. It would be smarter, even. And yet I stay.

I have pondered this for a long time. I do not owe these Drow. They have not made my life easy. They have not given me warmth - such would not be Drow. They have used me as a weapon, a tool, a pair of eyes, a servant, and nothing more. I owe them nothing. Why do I stay?

|| Ink blots speckle the next line, along with small dashes and the beginnings of letters, as if the writer was unsure what to write. ||

I have no reason. Maybe I am afraid of something. I know I do not wish them all to die - but why not? Those who have ever been kind to me have only done so for their own means, not out of kindness for me.

I hope, maybe, I will do something to make them see I am strong... but they will not see. I am only a svirfneblin. That is all I am. Nothing I do will be remembered.