Letters to a dead man (Journal and Sketchbook of Zilv'eari)

[Winddancer]

letter 1

Adin…

I hate you…

You should have been there…

I blame you! Blame you for all that happened!
No.. I know it isn’t fair…but tell me… has life ever been fair? Got you there old man…got you there…

I decided to run… see you in… wherever…whatever… it doesn’t matter anyway…

[Winddancer]

Letter 2

The darkness is my friend now Adin…

May you rot in the nine hells!
You could have talked some sense into her… I suspected something,
but could not put my finger to it.
You would have known… Curse you!

Her eyes...I remember them so clearly...or are they my own eyes...staring back at me from this piece of paper...




I have to move…they might have found my tracks…

[Winddancer]

Letter 3

Many cycles of walking, he tells me of a city he claims to come from.
I wish he would just shut up and do his thing. Though his words make sense…
I should seek this city out.

It might have potential.

[Winddancer]

Letter 4


Nothing but trouble since you left me Adin! Nothing but betrayal!
I have gutted the little vith on the spot.
The little betrayer…dead betrayer… I could have killed at least 14 of those 15 thugs! You taught me well…I was ready to die…

But faith decided I live yet another cycle… A black robed man came to my aid.
As a phantom he approached. He said his name was Valshar the Black.

You would not have liked him old man…not at all.
However, we share certain objectives. This could work to my benefit.
I decided to go with him. And yes…knowing you would highly disapprove was indeed the final factor to go anyway! I sketched him for you… This is how he turned up the first time I saw him…

[Winddancer]

letter 5

Many Cycles have past Adin…

I am no longer running…searching…well…I am still searching.
I always am…since childhood. But let’s not state the obvious.
We all search for something, one way or another.

The road was long

I dared to talk about the signs with him. He seems to know some of it.
One thing becomes clearer and clearer, whatever or whoever is watching over me,
it is not Lolth. I spoke out to the darkness…
called the Spider Queens name but no answer came.
It seemed the shadows were laughing at me. Silent laughter…
The shadows would turn darker… as if to caress my skin…
No presence of Lolth…

me and him talking about those signs



Ah, forget it…Maybe I’m just imagining things…the mushroom wine getting to my head…
All his fault…He surely loves to drink mushroom wine,
though I wonder if he is able to taste it.

A strange faern really…
He speaks with such charming words,
but the tone of his voice does not support it…nor his eyes…
it is just a dead stare…

I got to know my travel partner pretty well over time.
Despite this, he still surprises me from time to time.
I make sure I do the same of course.
Can’t become too predictable as you taught me the hard way.
The scar on my back is still a nice reminder. Thank you for that…

After a long trip we arrived at the city of Dark Weavings.
I have been there now for quite some cycles. This city is run by faerns…
Let’s find out if they do a better job at it than out beloved matron mothers in dear old Menzoberranzan.

Valshar spoke of a Nightbringer…here in the city.
At least according to his “reliable sources”, that could not even tell where or who…
I intent to find out. She MUST be able to tell me more about what keeps happening to me… provided she is actually there.

Many opportunities, many battles to be fought…yes you know how much I like battles!
I can see your smirking face right in front of me. I would punch you for that.
You know that don’t you! Come on old man! I dare you…come out and fight!

Coward… death is a really comfortable excuse, isn’t it…

There is a war brewing… War coming to this city! I call it luck.
The Conclave ruling it seems to be decisively supported by a powerful organization
called the Seventh Circle, Sshamath’s Finest…They will lead the war effort.
Perhaps they could use an extra sword to their cause…
They say it’s an Undead threat, mainly… Undead are my specialty…

Where there is war…there is me… and wherever I go, silence,
shadows and oblivion follow in my wake.

[Winddancer]

letter 6

An Attack...

An actual attack this cycle...

After some candlemarks of practising and perfecting my sword-technique I returned to Varalla's.

While taking care of my wargear and exchanging some words with locals a wounded jaluk appeared from the tunnels screaming for help.



He seemed exausted, but in relatively good health. He had seen no battle for sure...
After taking care of the few scratches he had (what he believed to be "serious wounds") he told us many undead were heading our direction.

He ran... the coward. A smart coward...but still...a coward.

He could not tell us how many..nor an estimate strength of the horde that was approaching.
Some things you better check out for yourself.

We had to send scouts ahead to answer these questions. Seek out the threat...for all we know it could have been a simple matter, like the Lich that was spotted a few cycles back in the Crypt.

3 scouts left under command of Velve. It took long before any news came.
In the mean time a first line of defense was put up in Varalla's. Guards rushed out to take their position.
Be prepared...Never take any chances...one of my first lessons as I remember Adin.

Velve returned heavily wounded, the other two barely breathing. Slaves took care of them while Velve informed us of the threath.
Hordes of undead...this was not a casual attack and it was clear they were heading for Sshamath.

After we made sure a decent line of defense was set-up and the guards stood at their positions,
we headed out with a party to face the enemy head on.

They were sighted where the Umber Hulks reside... they did not cross the bridge...yet.

A foul smell was carried on the little gust coming ahead of the tunnels. Moans and cracking noises could be heard faintly ahead...
I knew for sure...these were the undead...slowly advancing towards our position.

I tightened the grip of my sword, putting my left foot forward...then, all happened extremely fast. The foul smell penetrated my nose, battle sounds could be heard all around.
How was it possible! they seemed ahead still...and all of a sudden they had us surrounded! I fought 5 filthy undead at once...parring with my sword, casting spells for me and my allies. All were engaged in combat. We were able to slay the first wave of undead with no casualties...

The scouts were interpreting the tracks of where they had come from. It seemed hordes crawled from the tunnelfloors and out of the walls even but the main track led onward...
After taking care of the wounded we pressed on. Killing the groups of undead still coming for our skin and blood .

A larger wave came for us... This time they were more powerful. We must have entered the main party. What were they doing here...why did they come?
We held off as well as we could. An icy voice was carried in the wind... I felt cold inside. As if I already started to die from the inside. When I watched around I could see it had the same effect on my comrades.

That voice... its words... It implied quite clearly that this group of undead was a splintergroup of the strike force that hit Mist Lake...the voice wanted us to know...
Where they acting on orders of the Alhoon? Where they just out for revenge...do undead even feel the need of revenge?
Questions I did not have time to answer at that moment. I had to fight Adin...fight or die...

The voice became louder and colder... A creature emerged from the shadows...cloaked in shadow itself: a ghost, a reaver...a revenant. The aura of power he emanated marked him as their leader. I saw Alienor and some others noticed him too. We had to take him down...with him down, the rest would scatter and run leaderless.

the Revenant



We fought hard. I saw the revenant slay some five nameless sargtlins at once. We jumped on him...had to...we had to take him down.
It seems we were able to harm him...to damage him, somehow. I wonder if you can actually wound an undead...

He fought hard...kept on speaking with his cold voice. Then when I realized we gained the upperhand... he vanished. Vanished into thin air leaving nothing but the sounds of the wounded and the dying...

We were speechless... what was the meaning of this. Why did they attack. This surely was not enough of a meance to Sshamath itself. Maybe it was not their target...or is, who can say?
Was it perhaps a test of strength? a trial of how well we are organised? Questions, leaving us with only speculations, no single certain answer...


One thing was clear Adin...this will not be the end of it...

[Winddancer]

Letter 7


The shadow…it came again…

Whenever I try to meditate…it is always there…surrounds me…

The shadow shrouds me…it takes me…

What is the meaning of this?

What does… she… want?

I lose myself into it…I fall into nothingness...I forget who I am.

[Winddancer]

Letter 8

Last cycle there was a stench in the tunnels Adin...

Kivvil stench to be exact...

A rivvil in a red cloak who named himself Celduil...
asked questions about the Alhoon.
Talking about something the Alhoon wanted to have that should be in the City of Dark Weavings.

the red cloaked rivvil...



Of course there is! But I am not going to tell any kivvil vith information because he asks it so nicely...

Even worse..he offered me gold and trinkets...
As if that is what will persuade me, like any ordinary thief...
He could not have been more wrong...

It only raised more questions. How did he know about the Alhoon in the first place?
Who does he work for?
Who helped him to come down all the way into the tunnels of Varalla's?

So...those sunwalkers seem to have an interest in what goes on down here...
They should be more scared instead of wandering here so lightly...
Darkness will surround them...They will lose themselves down here...

They will be forgotten...

[Winddancer]

letter 9


The Lich…

the one I encountered some cycles back in the Crypt has been spotted again.
Some duergar stumbled into the Gloura’s Wings claiming he saw him.
Telling someone disturbed his rest. The guards took it for a drunkard's tale.
But I knew better…

I decided to return and, this time, really find out what it wanted.
It could have been an agent of the Alhoon…or something else…
It was worth looking into…

He could have killed me last time I met him.
Yes, he attacked us, but it wasn’t at full strength. Not by far. More a warning, than anything else...

I joined a small group as we left towards the crypt.
Once there we heard an icy voice carried by a light gust from within the halls.
I recognized it, it was the same voice ... I had heard it before, during my last visit.
However, there was no threat implied in the words spoken ... that ancient, dead voice carried no danger.

And there he was again… The drow Archlich…
standing surrounded by its undead servants.
A blue-purple glow radiated from his face and eyes.
If one knows fear, this is what one would feel standing before this Lich, Adin.
I could feel the arcane power crackling around him.
And that, coming from me…says it all. You know I am not easy to impress...



Something I would never have imagined happened there…
He offered us help for the war against the Alhoon.
He gave names, names whose owners were to search for and question.
I will not write those in here.
Just in case this letter falls into the wrong hands.

You can never be too careful.
Besides, I think that with you being dead and all… you probably know already…
you are sort of related to that Lich in a way now.
And yes… I am sure you are at least just as bad looking as him right now.

A pity...

What did I do... The drow Lich... it is how I saw him...exactly like that, I am sure of it.
Yet, I see a strong resemblance with you...

And me...why did I draw myself like that...
I only realise now that this was when we had our last conversation.

I turned away from you...

I did not want to hear your words...

Now, I will never hear them again...

I left you alone in the dark...because that is who I am....

I left you to die...

I did...or is my fading memory playing tricks on me?

[Winddancer]

Letter 10

The image… the mists of my mind are clearing…
right when I long for oblivion, forgetfulness, loss…
I do not wish to see your face in my mind again.
That Lich…he was so close to…he was you...
I have to go, leave everything behind…
I need relief, peace…a blackening.

Fade…to black…

I have nothing, nothing but my sword, flesh and blood…
I am nothing… I dissolve in darkness…in emptiness
Yes, that is what I need now…what I long for...to lose myself…
Lose myself in the dance, spill the blood of my enemies…
I found them, and the bloodbath begins…They keep on coming, and I cut them down...
I am whirling shadow...I am a whirlwind of doom...
I float around them cut after cut, as their blood rains down on my naked flesh...

Darkness…it awaits for me...it calls to me...I long for it...

[Winddancer]

Letter 11

I do not recall much…

Blood…my steel clashing against my enemies'…
I kept on cutting until I dropped and blackness surrounded me…
I only remember flashes after that. A cold touch…someone lifting me up…
then darkness again.

oh sweet darkness…




I woke up in one of his chambers. He must have followed me…

My wounds were taken care of and some food was set next to my bed.
Still warm… someone must have brought it not too long ago.
How long have I been here, how long did I linger in darkness…

I still felt weak on my legs but I managed to get out of the room.
I could hear the turmoil in the City outside. Armed guards, soldiers and slaves rushing with errands. It was happening, finally.

I had to talk to him…

As expected I found the black mage in one of his studies,
standing in front of a large table.
And of course, no expression or emotion showing on his face
that could give me a hint of our status.
There was a strategic map in front of him.
I recognized it as a representation of the stronghold of Undrek Valanar.

This could mean only one thing…
The enemy was going to make his move, at long last.

‘So, you decided to wake up after all. You could not choose a better moment, Zilv’eari.’

I simply nodded.

‘Report to Commander X’drasst, you will find him in Gloura’s Wings together with the rest of them...make sure the fortress holds.’

I nodded, grinning. I knew he would stay here with Sshamath’s garrison.
He was the only one I heard concerned with a possible attack on the very City of Dark Weavings,
but there was no question that only fools would leave themselves open to such a possibility.
I rushed to get my armor and gear.

This was the beginning of the end…to whatever end…

[Winddancer]

letter 12


Another battle…

I don’t know how I do it Adin…
Conflict follows me, and I it, without end it seems…

This would be a battle for survival like none I ever fought before.
Lose it, and the consequences would be devastating. For all of us.
For death would not be the end.
Eternal mindless undead slaves to the Alhoon. No, we had to win.
There was no other option.

My group was sent out to hold the Western Towers.
Ilphryssin would stand at the Eastern Towers
and Alienor would hold the main entrance at the beach.
I had to keep contact with them to act on any threat that could come
to mine or their sides.
All forces took their places. Drow, Zhentarim, Duergar, Mindflayers...
they all stood ready.

And then…the waiting began…. The calm before the storm.
We did not have to wait long.

From the watchtowers above we could see many ships approaching.
From the other fronds I could hear the same messages.
This army was endless. We would be hopelessly outnumbered ...
A cold hard fact that slowly took hold in my mind,
seeping into conscience now for the first time, despite the rumors.

I could see black shapes dropping over the side of the ships in the water.
I realized this had to be the undead forces.
Krumarth, one of the orcs of my group screamed from the other tower confirming what I saw.

It had begun …

The first wave hit us hard but we were filled with battle lust and we managed
to destroy them with ease.
The second wave did not come long after.
We were not given much time to take care of the wounded or dead.
Nevertheless we kept on fighting. We stood our ground. But the Dead kept on coming, relentlessly as it is their nature to be…there seemed to be no end to it

The Western Towers


I don’t know how much time passed…
It must have been some cycles.
Many had been slain by now. Few of us still stood.
Within the walls the smell of blood, death and decay was piercing my nose.
While taking care of my own wounds I watched over the two orcs fighting at my side. Sturdy, massive creatures. They really fulfilled their purpose.
My tired eyes shifted over to the rest of the troops. If I could still call them troops.
Wounded, or worse…
I knew it would not have held for much longer.

I heard reports my allies at the eastern towers and the main entrance were not much better. Especially the main entrance has been hit hard.
When I watched down below from the tower I could see the fires
burning and licking the fortress walls,
the beach covered with scattered corpses
and the water more dark red than black now.

I thought my eyes were deceiving me.
It simply could not be!
On the beach I could see huge bone dragons
crushing down on the remaining forces defending the gates.
A cold shiver went down my spine.
I heard others screaming out from the walls.
Many faces filled with horror turned towards the spectacle…
Gurgling and cracking noises could be heard from below… we were under attack again!
I yelled to the troops to turn and fight.
This would be our last stand!
Survive….or be undead…forever…


We fought hard…driven…no remorse…
Cut them down to survive…cut!

I turned around to search for my next victim
when all I saw around me were dead bodies shattered to pieces
and some few remaining allies still standing.

It was at that moment that I heard roars and howls of rage.
I turned around rushing towards the tower wall to get better view on the beach.
It was madness…The bone dragon creatures had somehow been slain, but the enemy flagship was rushing towards the beach at ramming speed!
Their leader, the Imaskari wizard, had surely lost his mind …

With everyone else still able to carry a weapon,
I rushed down towards the beach.
What we encountered there was beyond incredible…
A ship smashed on the beach, undead crawling out of holes everywhere…
parts and bodies scattered around…blood…debris…Chaos…

I could see Tagmadus himself,
standing tall amongst the drow defenders trying to hack him down.
Could this be? Could we really win this? The rest of the ships were burning wrecks.
The enemy forces were left with no commander,
and the Walking Dead are not particularly famous for their good decision making…

This battle was won! I could not believe my eyes at first.
A fierce battle it was, the fiercest of the many I have seen…
I truly believed I would have joined you Adin…in the luckiest case…most likely,
it would have gone a lot worse…

I laughed when I watched around realizing I was still breathing.
Laughed maniacally…
I sent many into darkness Adin…
Many I slaughtered…
This has been a good cycle, after all…

But the war was not over yet…

[Winddancer]

Letter 13

So naive…

So broken…so lost…

This was too easy.
I had nothing more to do than shrouding with a bit of doubt her already troubled mind…

‘She is gone, whatever you two had…it is gone, and you know it. look me in the eyes girl and tell me it is not so. ‘

She fell down on her knees in front of me.
Shattered…

The darkness was alive around us.
Creeping towards us, caressing us…

Pitch black.

The Lady of the Night was there in the shadows.
I felt her.
I knew the tiefling in front of me could feel her too.
There was no way back now…
Once you let her in, she will not let you go…

Lost to the darkness…lost to the night…

"You are on her path now Vala…"

[Winddancer]

Letter 14


Silence…


She does not answer me.
Only the darkness seems to laugh at me and my useless efforts.

The war is over now.
Out of all things, an avatar of Lolth came to our aid.
It made me remember the past.
Memories so long ago.
Faded over time.

It used to be so easy. I could have been a yath’tallar by now.
She wanted me to… She never said it
but I know she was proud of me,
even though I was not the first dalharil.
Proud, until that cycle you told her about my gifts.

Your suspicions…

If you could have kept your mouth shut Adin…
I would have been by her side at the moment they made their move.

But you just stirred up her doubt…
sending me away from her side.
We both know what happened after that.
I still wonder every cycle…what if…



I went to the altar of Malla Lolth today.
I kneeled down in front of it, calling out to her once more.

Silence…

I took my mother’s ceremonial dagger.
The only clear memory I still have of her
is how she used to do the sacrifice to the spiderqueen.

Giving her lifeblood to Lolth. As in trance I mimicked the memory.
Cutting myself deep in both my hands.
I remembered it so clearly… I felt the sharp pain.
Enjoying it….falling in to it…
I could feel my blood running down my arms and dripping on the altar.
It was the perfect reflection of my memory.
I felt weaker as my blood filled the altar.
Once more I called out.

Silence…

The priestess gave me an approving nod when I left.

The darkness laughed at me…

[Winddancer]

Letter 15

More undead...

Again I faced those creatures...
This time it was in the Darkwoods.

We had been assembled for a meeting there. We were four.
I will not name my companions and you damn well know why Adin.

Besides...sometimes I have the feeling you are watching me anyway.
I hope you enjoy the show. And if not... your loss.

We met our contact in the mists of the petrified forest. Not the most cosy place for a meeting,
but then again, this was not entertainment.

Negotiations went very well. More so than I dared to hope.
And of course, as always...
When things seem to be easy...something is bound to happen.

I saw our contact freeze on the spot. I listened, but didnt hear anything yet.
I knew something was approaching...

Our contact dissapeared in the mists, leaving us to deal with whatever was approaching.

We did not have to wait long....

Again we were swarmed by undead creatures...
Definitely not the local inhabitants.

We easily got rid of them. Nevertheless...we had to get back, fast.

Whatever or whoever was watching us, it did not have anything pleasant in store...

At the edge of Darkwoods another attack took place.

I heard our commander screaming an order to get the faern down.
I turned and launched my attack on the necromancer.



I had to laugh when his lifeless body dropped down beside my boots.
What was he thinking... that he could win from me?

One of us searched the body. We found some items on it that could give us some clues of why he was here and who send him in the first place.
Third lesson as I remember well, Adin. Find out as much as you can about your opponent.

We managed to get back safely.
After a short debriefing I got ordered to head back and bring in the corpse for further investigation.

When I arrived I found more undead, mainly zombies. They were feasting on the remains of the dead arcanist.

As soon as they spotted me they left the body and launched an attack.
But of course to no avail, as they were dispatched quickly enough.

After disposing of the threat, I searched for what was left of the remains.
As soon as I touched it, what little remained, crumbled to dust in front of me.
Nothing left to be retained, nor to be brought back for further investigation.

I can tell that the degeneration proceeded at a very high rate.
Too fast to be of natural causes.

Again these creatures seem to haunt me...