Baldur's Gate : The Sword Coast Chronicles : NWN2 Persistent World

The history of Abby Winters was short and tragic. But, much like the phenoix, from the ashes of a her misfortune sprung forth a wellspring of hope.

She was born in Ashbenford to Peter and Gretchen Winters. Peter was a poor cobbler from Damara who came to the Heartlands and there married Gretchen, a farmer's daughter. Years after having birthed 4 healthy sons, the couple unexpectedly gave birth to Abigail Constance Winters on a cold Winter's morning. The young girl showed an early love of reading and growing things. She split her time between the library and her mother's herb garden, and her nights dreaming of one day becoming a famous wizard. It was not to be however.

When Abby turned 9, there came a great plague to Ashbenford, and the village was quaranteened. Ashbenford's resident temple of Helm combated the plague as best they could, bringing healing to those who could afford treatment first. The priests of Helm, following the doctrine of their faith also took in as many small children as they were able from the poor and common folk. So it was that Peter and Gretchen, who were too poor to afford Helm's blessings gave up their dear daughter to the Helmite clergy. It was the last time Abby would ever look upon her family in this world.

One week after the plague had begun, healers of Ilmater from Shadowdale at last arrived in Ashbenford. They went to their work, clensing disease and sickness from everyone, never asking for payment. They worked tirlessly beyond the point of exhaustion, spending every ounce of strength healing others, even at the expense of their own health. Though it was too late for Abby's family when the Ilmateri came, even at her young age, the girl understood the selfless nature of these men and women. They never asked for so much as a copper, and they brought the blessings of Ilmater to everyone... even those who had nothing.

Within another week, the plague was over. Hundreds of lives had been saved that would have been doomed, and there were less Ilmateri to return north than had come. Some had died of exhaustion, some of sickness... taking the suffering of others unto themselves.

When they left, they brought with them a number of Orphans who had nowhere else to go. Abby was among the sad column of weeping children who went north. Unlike the other children however, Abby already felt her calling, clear and strong. It was the strings of fate drawing her toward a life that could no more be denied than the drawing of her next breath.

For the next years of her life, the girl grew to a young woman, cloistered among the libraries and infirmaries of Shadowdale's "House of the Holy Martyr." Her gift for healing, both mundane and divine was quickly realized by the clergy and she was nurtured and guided by the most skilled hands among the cloth.

Besides her skill in healing craft, her bretherin recognised unshakable faith and a passionate devoutness to the Crying Lord's teachings. The young girl took all three of Ilmater's vows upon her frail shoulders. Swearing off the trappings of a normal life, she devoted herself entirley to her cause. She would never know riches, comforts or the love of a husband. She would never hold a weapon or wear fine dreses. Her life was a vessel through which Ilmater's spirit would flow, bringing santuary to those without.

By the age of 18, Sister Abby Winters possessed a knowledge of herblore and healing to rival even the elders. Though her frail body was not yet accustomed to the rigors of channeling divine power, her potential was well known among the bretherin. It was whispered that this young woman would one day be a saint, choosen by Ilmater to walk among the greatest of the Broken Ones.

It was decided that she should go forth and bring the word and compassion of Ilmater to a part of the world which needed it most. Thefore, soon after her 19th birthday, Sister Abby Winters looked for the last time on the shores of her homeland and set sail across the Dragonmere.

In the distance lands of the merchant lords, where the rich rode on palenquens through crowded markets filled with the impoverished multitudes who starved and suffered, a young healer with nothing more than thread-bare robes and a satchel filled with salves and bandages would set foot into the docks of Telflam and there find her destiny.

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To find out how Abby's life ended in Telflamm, here is the article published in the Thesk Times:

http://deepingdale.co.uk/thesk/files/Th ... morial.pdf

For those who are interested, this is her journal from Thesk:

http://www.thesk.net/forum/viewtopic.php?id=1843
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For the purposes of moving on however:

For years, Abby worked tirlessly and at last founded the Santuary of Ilmater in the docks of Telflamm. Hard years did she spend in Thesk, accompishing what none had ever dreamed possible. Bringing hope to those who had none. In Telflamm's dismal streets, young Abby was a bright light, beckoning to those lost. But such lights do not go unnoticed by the bitter and jealous creatures who dwell in darkness. Before long, she came to know terrible loss and her spirit was nearly broken. Telflamm had come to be a place haunted by ghosts of lost love for her, and so she left her Santuary in the care of her sisters in faith and moved on.

Seeing to the burial of her dear knight in Damara, Abby soon requested a new duty on the distant sword coast. In this place, she hoped to leave behind the pain of loss and begin a new life.

Okay... finished.

The Journal of Abigail Constance Winters.

I have returned to Baldur's Gate to visit our Santuary here. It has been a long time, and much has changed. Perhaps I have changed as well. In truth, I believe I grew accustomed to teaching in Damara's temples. things are so sheltered there. Here, on the frontier, I am once again thrust into a violent and hostile life. I suppose I am needed, though fortunatly not as much as I would have thought. It appears my absence has been filled by capable, if unorthodox hands. Sister Merielle seems to have kept the place in good order, and the people love her. That speaks well of her.

As of yet I have not had a proper chance to meet her as the Santuary is as busy, if not more so, then ever. It almost reminds me of Telflamm for all the foot traffic.

Im a bit unhappy to see that the Santuary has been collecting donations of gold, though at least they are for a seperate cause and the daily yeild is kept elsewhere. Merielle is working toward an orphange, and I can hardly blame her for using the Santuary to aid in such a noble cause, though I am afraid the coin could have unforseen and unfortunate consiquences. When I think of what would have happened to us in Telflamm had we had coin, I shutter. Ilmater is wise and his vows are not made without reason. A pacifist with gold in her pocket, or her temple is often made into a victim. It is better that we have nothing to offer save for simple food, simple clothing and the mercy of healing. I do not wish to draw any of the local theives guildsmen... we have enough problems with zealots of the dark gods.

Among the many hard realities I have been faced with since my arrival, was that evil is very much active, and the wild frontier seems to be a breeding ground for zealots of dark faith. One among them was a child murderer who had slain several children as well as friends of the Santuary and sister Merielle. He had sadly thwarted any attempts at capture, being of supernaturaly adept capability at hiding and slinking about. Seadin was rather defeated sounding when he began to tell me of this villian. And wouldnt you know it, not a minute later, someone sneaked into the Santuary and planted a vile book entitled "The Return of the Beast" at our doorstep.

Seadin was worried, beleiving it to be the child slayer himself. Naturally we couldnt see him, so I doused the area in clouds of flower from the kitchen. That put a stagger in his step. Covered in flower, and having to walk through it, leaving nice footprints, the halfling ran for it. Seadin chased the little villian out of the Santuary, covered in flower and unable to hide. Sister Merielle came back in the interm. I believe her confusion at seeing the place a white mess, turned into relief moments later when Seadin returned carrying the villian over his shoulder, dead as a log. Bless his heart. He might be the most lecherous person I know, but he has a good heart and has often come to our Santuary's aid. I was happy to see him again.

I was a bit peeved when Seadin plopped the body down in front of the Santuary patrons... though most of them were already bewildered at being covered in flower in the first place... I doubt they noticed. Anyway, we dragged the hin back into the infirmary and sister Merielle gave him his last rites. I have to admit, I was impressed with her restraint. This villian had obviously horrified her and cut her to the soul. She showed remarkable determination to contain her loathing. She is a credit to the Crying Lord.

I arranged for the Flaming Fist officer (Officer Shade I believe) to burn the body in the Flaming Fist furnace. It may not stop the little monster forever, if the rumors of his being a choosen are true... but at least it shall undoubtedly make difficult any attempts to blight the world with his presence again. If we are lucky... we shant see him again.

Anyway, Sister Merielle seems to be having a difficult time coping with things. I would dearly like to speak with her a bit, but im finding it almost impossible to get her alone for more than a second or two. I shall have to keep trying. I have little doubt we have much to teach one another, considering we come from two seperate perspectives who share love of the same god. It always look forward to better understanding the martial orders of Ilamter's faith. My dear ser Rynn cured me of my unfair hostilty toward the Paladin order and taught me that we all form a sembiotic relationship to the Broken One. Just as a foot and hand serve purposes on the body, yet have differant functions. I still do not understand the fighting monks, and have only one terrible experiance with their orders. It is my hope that with sister Merielle's wisdom, I shall come to understand better Ilmater's third branch.

A druid came into the Santuary yesterday to speak with Sister Merielle. He seemed as enigmatic as any druid, polite enough, though I half expected him to start decrying the unnatural healing we offer and burn the temple down for prolonging the weak rather than bending to the balance of nature. Alas ive seen one too many druids mad with their... strange belief system. Fortunatly he left peaceably and proved my paranoia false. I suppose they aren't all bad... even if they do have a very strange outlook on life. I swear most of the druids ive met would water a tree with human blood if they thought the bloody thing was wilting. I love nature as much as the next person, but it seems inconcievable to place a plant above a sentiant being.

One more bright note, I met a Paladin in service to the Triad. He came and had lunch with me in the Santuary, seemed a nice young fellow. It would be well to have a few more holy knights about. With all of the zealots plaguing the Santuary, it couldnt hurt to have friends who fullfill the more... martial aspects of the triad.

Anyway, it has been a long day. Ive been treating an outbreak of the Red Ache on the docks all day long. I think its been staved off for the most part. Ive got just about everyone on the mend, and was able to purge several of the uglier cases outright. Alas, its left me tired to the bone. So, I shall say good night to ser Rynn and put the quill down for the night I think.

For he who Endures.
Abigail Constance Winters

My eyes burn from reading. Ive just finished the second tome reguarding the Prophecies of Alaundo. There is much more to read yet, however I feel I must document this evenings events while they are fresh.

I shall start with something positive. I finally got to diagnose lady Selah properly. I was able to learn quite a lot about what afflicts her. The dried flecks of blood in her tear ducts which are completely impervious to magical manipulation revealed the curse for what it was. After gauging the strength of the curse, I have come to believe it is nearly divine in strength. It can be broken... but not by my strength alone. And I don't know of anyone who could exceed my ability in this matter outside of Damara. However there are options. Elias Goodmane has an artifact which may be able to amplify the curse breaking spell... and that might be enough. But I beleive there may be arcane methods that work better. Ive asked he and master Norick to look into the matter, and I am hopeful they will find something. Afterall... if working in opposing divine energy, I will have to match will with perhaps a God, and that is not going to go well for me. A shield is designed to fend sword blows... but a flail was made to go around the shield. So may an arcane approach find a way to break this curse that a direct divine approach would be hard pressed to do.

Im also hoping that the prophecies will shed some light to a possible cure as sister Merielle suggested.

Concerning her... It grives me to say that I have run into trouble with Merielle. I suppose it is not unexpected, the healers often find differance with the martial orders of Ilmater, and I feel as though I am back in Telflamm arguing with ser Rynn. Alas though, this time, people are dying.

If I understand the problem correctly, it seems Merielle has been charged by Ilmater himself to guard the boy, Billy, from these Bhaalists who, in order to complete their ritual must convince her to give him willingly to them. By her account, the ritual will only work if it is she who willingly gives the child over... it must be her choice. In order to break her will, they have tortured and killed people she is close to, children, friends... anyone to force her to weigh one life against many. It is a testiment to her... devotion to Ilmater, that she has not given in.

But what about her devotion to those who are dying in order to force her to break her vow? Or too Billy who is at risk so long as the Bhaalists have a pathway to him? Can one truly be following Ilmater if her devotion is more to the god himself rather than that which he represents? He is compassion embodied, and I cannot believe that he would ask her to let these deaths persist based on a vow if there is another way, which I believe there is, though it would mean choosing to abandon her vow. Perhaps this is the differance between a crusader and a healer. The crusader serves the god first and the ideal second... the healer serves the ideal first, and through the ideal, the god. I love Ilmater, but I love him for what he stands for and represents... not solely because he is my god. It is exactly the mortal tendency toward blind faith in the person rather than the principal that so often leads us toward tyranny and evil. All individuals even gods are fallable... principal does not ever waver. Of course I don't actually believe Ilmater will ever be anything but compassion and it is why I love him and have choosen to give my life to him... still this is a mindset that I wish all mortals would learn to understand, in matters both divine and earthly.

I should clairify what happened.

I tried to suggest to her that someone take Billy annomously and hide him from her. This would mean that it was no longer within her power to give the child willingly to Bhaal. Not only would this insure that the ritual could not be completed, saving Billy, but it would probably end or at least slow the killings as it would no longer be within Sister Merielle's power to give them what they want.

However, even if the killings did not slow or stop... at least the guilt of them would no longer be upon her shoulders. She knows she could end it all by killing Billy or handing him over... a thing abhorant and impossible of course, and no person with a soul would do either. Were Billy no longer in her charge, then she would have no responsiblity for what the Bhaalists choose to do, and could focus completely on stopping their evil. Instead, she has choosen to hold herself as a Martyr, taking all of the suffering these bastards are causing, feeling that Ilmater is asking her to suffer the deaths of all these people she cares for as a test of her faith. She will not waver. But what about the suffering of those who are dying? it is that I am concerned for. Faith be damned. This should be about saving lives and putting a stop to suffering. Not enduring it like a brave Martyr.

This is in this that our division begins. Ilmater does not test faith by forcing his faithful to keep oaths that will result in the suffering and death of innocents. He does not ask his followers to suffer unless there is no other way. Suffering is all that Ilmater is against, and for many of his faithful... suffering seems to be the goal. They feel they are doing his duty when they suffer... but their true duty is to minimize suffering, not transfer it to themselves without doing everything in their power to seek its end. This is the trap which seduces the self-flaggulators who suffer for the purpose of suffering itself because they do not truly understand Ilmater. Those who feel they are holy in suffering without true need, but in realty who are doing Lovitar's will. I certainly don't think sister Merielle has fallen to the level of the Self Flaggulators... but I believe she stands upon the brink. I must find some way to make her see... this is not Ilmater's will!

His only true law is compassion, and this law is higher than any oath, earthly or divine. Every healer knows that there is no vow which must be upheald at the cost of suffering and death of innocents. To do any less is to commit the only true sin that hurts the Crying Lord. To allow suffering when you could lessen it.

She believes doing as I suggested would cause her to break her oath to Ilmater... so even if it would save suffering and needless death... she won't do it. I am at a loss here because I know what I would do in her place. Had this choice fallen to me, I would have sent Billy into hiding where neither I, nor the Bhaalists could not find him, and I would have taken my own life so that the Bhaalists would have no way to finish their evil ritual... and nothing to gain through the torture and murder of those I cared for. Their destruction I would have left to others. Surely this would have saved lives. But of my vow to Ilmater? If he would test me in such a way, allowing innocents to suffer in order to guage my obediance to his commandments... can he truly be the lord of compassion whom I love? I think not. Infact... whatever it is which is holding Merielle to this vow when there is another way, I do no believe it is Ilmater. I believe either she is being tricked, or she has misunderstood the words of the Crying Lord.

I truly do believe her faith is being tested right now... but not in the way she believes.

It falls to me to try to convince her that something is wrong with what is happening here. That this is not the best way to protect life. I have to make her see that Ilmater would never ask such a vow of her... to reflect on what she has heard... and even... if all else fails, to question the validity of the vision itself. But I do not fool myself. There are few obsticles more difficult to overcome than the zeal of the truly devout, and I fear that I shall not convince her of anything beyond my own blasphemy in her eyes. There must be a way, and I shall pray and look for guidence. She can't be as stubborn as ser Rynn was... and even he learned to understand Ilmater before the end.

That is all I have the heart to write... I must continue my research and trust in the Lord of the Rack to light my path.

For he who Endures,
Abigail Constance Winters

Ive just arrived from Candlekeep. It was not easy to face them again. Many of them are not angry with me, I know... but some are. I can feel their anger, their blame.

Ser Jonas tried to sooth them, bless his heart... but im afraid he did a bit more harm than good. When he told the crowd that they ought to understand that some of the blame was theirs... all of us froze inside the Sanctuary. Adolina looked as though she was expecting a riot. But fortunatly Jonas is well liked and as charismatic as anyone ive ever met. The worse he got was low murmerings among the crowd. I don't know of anyone else who could have told a crowd of grieving parents whose children were taken and slain as weapons in a war they were not even aware of that some of the blame was their own without starting a riot. I know that what the ser meant was that their anger was pointed in the wrong place... but in some ways... it is not misplaced at all.

They wonder why their children have become unwilling Martyrs in this war which they do not understand. They wonder why this life Merielle protects is more important than the lives of their children. They don't understand what is at stake, nor would it matter to them if they did. They have lost more than any of us realize. How can we understand what a parent suffers over the loss of a child? I know Merielle means to protect them from something even worse... but I wish to the heavens she'd never used this Sanctuary for her fortress. Fortunatly she has realized this and has moved to Candlekeep. I only hope it isn't too late. My concern is that the crowd may become unruly. If that should happen... I have no doubt that the Fist will brutally put them down... and that is blood on my hands that I do not want. As always, it is the most desperate people who bare the most suffering. Though that is often the way of it when lofty powers wage war.

Concerning my trip to Candlekeep... I entered the inn and was immediatly nervous when she mentioned we should all gather around the table. I had not expected a matter as delicate as this to be discussed in front of a pannel of her loyal companions how have no understanding of Ilmater or his faith. I expect she must have realized my trepedation when her friend Ian began calling me a fool. I admit, I felt singled out and it made me angry to have my entire life summed up and found to be a fool by this man who has no concept of what we believe. I might have reminded him that on my first day back into Baldur's Gate after two years, I managed to put a stop to the child murderer who had eluded him and the others for monthes, though I think such an outburst would have sounded prideful, and done far more harm than good. So, I let it pass and did my best not to let my irritation show. Fotunatly he went away with the others and let us speak in private, as we should have in the first place.

Once we were able to get down to it, I came to understand my hunches were correct on sister Merielle's perspective. While, like most healers of Ilmater, I am a follower of the principal and ideals of the Crying Lord, and through them a follower of the God himself... she is differant. She follows the God first and foremost, and through him, his ideals. To most, this would seem a triviality. However it is not. In the case of her dream, this becomes most relivant.

There is always difficulty in seperating when we are having a dream, and when we are having a vision. A person who is a part of the faith through principal, such as I am weighs the dream against the principal. Does it fit Ilmater's character? Does it fit the principals he has laid out before us, that we have dedicated our lives toward?

A person such as Merielle whose love is for Ilmater... even more so than what Ilmater stands for has such a dream, and if she is convinced it is authentic... she will follow his commandment with zeal that is unchallengable. This is clearly the case we are dealing with. Merielle does believe this dream to be a vision and is probably willing to die before questioning it. Herin lay the danger. What if this dream asked her to do something Ilmater would not condone? How would someone like me ever be able to make her understand that Ilmater would never wish for her to allow innocents to die if they could be stopped by her breaking her lord's comandment?

In her dream, Ilmater told Merielle that among all of his living servants, that she was his most beloved. She was choosen above all others, to perform this task of keeping Billy away from the Bhaalists. No matter how many children are slaughtered... no matter how much she must suffer... she alone must keep Billy in her protection and suffer the deaths of these victims upon her shoulders.

If this dream had come to me, I might have doubted it simply because, I cannnot concieve that the crying Lord would ever name one among his flock more beloved than all others. Ilmater's church is built around the ideal of unbiast love. It is among the core of the three vows we healer's take. That to love one above others lessen's one's compassion for everyone else. To me... this would come as a warning sign. That perhaps the vision was a trap, and my ego was the bait.

If I were to assume the worse... that this dream was sent to her by her enemies to trick her into believing that it was a vision... then it fits in many ways. First I must ask what they would seek to accomplish. The crowds outside the Sanctuary say to me that the destruction of our faith in Baldur's Gate must be one of their objectives. Through Merielle's vow, she will unwittingly be forced to let as many slayings happen as the Bhaalists wish to do. She alone has the power to stop them, but because she is unwilling to question or turn from her vow, she will not. The people will see this. If the Bhaalists are whispering into the ears of commoners hurt through these deaths... how easily it would be to stir them toward anger channeled against the Ilmateri! I can only guess at what they would say to stir the crowds to anger.
"Look... our children are being killed, when all these Ilmateri have to do is give them Bhaalists what they want... and yet they are so high and mighty, they don't care what happens to us."

All the while, each death eats away at Merielle's soul. She knows that it is within her power to stop them... but she cannot lest she fail her God. She does not question why Ilmater would allow this, or force her to bear the burden of each death. The Bhaalists therefore accomplish two goals. Hostility, and possible destruction toward our Sanctuary and faith in Baldur's Gate, and the slow torture of sister Merielle which will doubltlessly leave her an imbittered soul crippled by misery when she finds out in the end she was tricked, and that each of these deaths is hers to bare.

But how to get Merielle to play the part? First this dream appeals to her ego. Make her believe that she has been choosen and is the most beloved of all Ilmateri. More beloved than the saints who die daily in slums across faerun, giving their entire lives to Ilmater, keeping faithfully all three of his vows and dying, be it from exhaustion or violence in service to bringing hope to the hopeless. What faithful would ever question the commandment after such lofty praise and responsiblity were laid upon their shoulder by their own god? Now he asks that she keep this boy from the Bhaalists, no matter how many thousands of children need to die.

Now we have a situation where, so strong is her conviction after these visions... that even though I have suggested a plan that would free our church from the blame, save Billy and stop the Bhaalists from ever being able to accompish their evil ritual... she won't hear it because it goes against Ilmater's exact words to her. His word taken above his very reason for existing.

I believe sending Billy annonomously into hiding by her most trusted and powerful allys would stand a good chance of stopping the killings as she would not know where Billy was, and therfore be completely unable to give him over, even if she wanted to. But even if it wouldn't stop the killings... at the very least, it would alievate all blame from the Church of Ilmater and put it squarly onto the shoulders of the rightful villians. The Bhaalists. For if it is not within Merielle's power to give them what they want... than how can those hurt by the Bhaalists blame anyone but the Bhaalists for what is happening? As things are now... if the killings continue... our Sanctuary is in great danger.

Everything I know of Ilmater says to me that this cannot be his will. He would never force his follower to choose between following his commandment and letting innocents die when there is another way. Merielle even admitted that if I could proove I found a way that would stop the killings but that she had to give up Billy, that she would only give up her charge if Ilmater commanded it. This seems to me so opposite of what our faith is about. No vow should ever come before Ilmater's highest law. Compassion.

It is very possible that I am missing something... and that my concerns are unwarrented. It is possible that her visions are real, and that she was choosen to do his will because he knew that healer's such as me would not. And I sincerely hope that this is the case. Because if it is not... and I am correct in my suspision... sister Merielle will suffer as few have ever when she learns that the blood of these children could have been stopped had she followed Ilmater's teachings... rather than blindly believing false visions.

If these Bhaalists are planning something terrible... an invasion, the rising of their dark god into this world... how much easier would it be for them to conquer our city with the church of Ilmater gone... its healer's dispersed and plague and hunger rampant through the streets?

I will try communion again tonight... pray for some insight I am missing... I do not want to be right in this. I pray that Ian is correct and that I am a fool. I pray that I will learn these children only died because there truly was no other way possible... Because I know that is the only way Ilmater would have allowed it.

For he who Endures... may we find the strength to do so ourselves,
Abigail Constance Winters

The days have been dark of late. The jaws of this Bhaalist cult begin to close upon us. Even as their speaker tries to sway the crowds outside the sanctuary their assassins begin to kill again. I was the latest of their victims designed to cause Merielle suffering. It was well she caught word of what they had planned for me, or I would never have been seen again.

From what I can tell from the clues left to me, the assassin slew me from behind. I have no memory of my passing, though when I returned I felt a hollow pit within me. It lingers there still. But I find myself surprised that I elected to come back when the call came. I did not think I would. Perhaps my Crying God yet has purpose for me and asked me to return. I do not know.

I decided not to close the Sanctuary. Instead I posted a warning upon the door warning any who would seek our shelter that they are not safe within. To do any less would be a lie... and the blood that spilled because of that lie would be my fault. At least this way, they enter at their own risk.

Now very few come seeking shelter. I have taken to going out among them again and working on the docks as I began. I cannot treat as many or as effectively as I can at the Sanctuary, but it is better than nothing. I never stay out for long and always remain under Ilmater's Sanctuary.

The Bhaalists came to the Sanctuary yesterday, or so I guess it was them. Somehow they compelled an old man named Earl in our care to vanish and walk out on his own power. He was old and crippled with a failing heart. I have no idea what they would want with him, other than to strike fear into us. The Fist of course have no idea where he is... and I doubt they will try overly hard to find him. He was homeless and few care for those like him. This was the one place where he should have been safe. Now, because of this war we have been thrust into... no one is safe here.

I had to expell two men who would have been friends for fear that one of them could have been involved in the disappearance of poor Earl. It was almost certain that neither man had anything to do with it... but I found I simply did not trust Ser Jack enough to risk him being there. There are too many strange events. I will probably end up regreting my choice, but I made it anyway, and there is nothing for it now.

If this continues, there will be no one left willing to set foot into our temple... I say temple because it can hardly be called a Sanctuary now.

Meriielle believes that she is close to ending the Bhaalist threat... I hope she is correct. And when this ends, I hope she will come to understand just how fragile we are. So many of the Ilmateri don't understand our traditions. They don't understand why we take our vows. They do not know that in his Wisdom, Ilmater gave us these vows so we could always survive the dark... and be a beacon to those who have nothing. The Ilmateri these days so often want to be crusaders off battling evil and standing strong against all injustice. But that isn't our purpose. When we do this... our Sanctuaries become battle fields.. people are no longer safe within. Ilmater's gift to the weak is forgotten and swept under the carpet in favor of the greater battle of good against evil. In times like this, people forget that good and evil are bertter measured in a simple measure of compassion, or lack therof. The reason we have a triad, is because the knights of the Torm and Tyr have the strength to battle the forces of evil. The Ilmateri temper them with mercy and compassion.

In eight years I have always managed to avoid making any lasting enemies for the two Sanctuaries I founded because I trusted Ilmater's wisdom. Oh, certainly there have been a few zealots and crazed druids in that time... though nothing like this. This is differant. These Bhaalists are organised and powerful. We are not an annoyance that they can't be bothered with as we should be... we are their nemisis because sister Merielle choose to stand up to them and pit our Sanctuary against them. To others, it would seem noble, strong, courageous... but to me, it means very soon there will probably be sick people with none to turn to, starving people with nowhere to go. We may have victory in the end... but at what cost? While the mighty wage war, tis the meek who will die forgotten in allys, or else be caught in the crossfire when the Ilmateri march to war instead of keeping the doors open in the night for those who seek shelter.

For it all, I cannot feel anger toward sister Merielle. I am very fond of her, and her heart is good and strong. Though I have doubts as to her vision and philosophy, she is a good person. I only wish I could have been there to guide her in her early years, or at least to keep our Sanctuary seperate from her path so that the downtrodden did not face the danger they do now.

As things are now... our paths are linked. We are the same, and a strike against us is a strike against her. And I do not doubt.. she would see every one of us lay dead and our Sanctuary burned to the ground before she ever sent Billy into hiding away from her if the Bhaalists are not defeated soon. She would see the people of Baldur's gate banish our faith from the city forever before she broke what she believes to be Ilmater's command. Such is the way of blind faith in the diety, instead of what he teaches. I will never convince her that it is not his way... so I must hope that it ends before it comes to that and lend whatever aid I can to see it done.

I have done my best to seperate our Sanctuary from the battle she fights, though always that dark hooded snake has his venomous words when I am gone. With any luck, I will be able to keep those people outside from turning to violence. I think my words are winning out against this Dark Messah's rhetoric, but only time will tell.

Merielle probably thinks I hate her for what has befallen our Sanctuary. Likewise, I suspect she thinks that either I lack faith, or that I am a fool clinging to old ways that so many of today's flock believe are no longer applicable. I have little doubt we will have time to reconcile our differances in the future should we survive... it is the surviving, and more importantly, the survival of Ilmater's Sanctuary that is important for now. Philosophy and learning can come later.

I am getting frustraited. More attempts on our lives and upon the Santuary... and sister Merielle will not waver. I offered her a way that would both leave her as William's protector, and position the child under Candlekeep's direct political protection as well. An idea, that if it were accepted, would force the Bhaalists to challenge Candlekeep itself if they meant to continue this wanton slaughter of innocents. These Bhaalists would not dare do to the first reader what they do to Merielle. They would not dare force Candlekeep and all of its mighty wizards from neutrality. They would be hunted down like dogs. Certainly they would continue to try and claim the boy... but not with murder that might provoke the keep. It is the best way to not only protect the poor child, but to protect every other child, and every starving and sick person in the city of Baldur's Gate from these monsters. Yet still Merielle refuses. Why? Because of a technicallity of words. As though by adopting the child to someone in Candlekeep, it would somehow break her vow, even though she could remain by the boys side and protect him to the end of time.

I feel a great swell of pity for the woman, because at best... she is being forced to suffer needlessly by a vow... which unless there is some piece of the puzzle I do not yet understand, contradicts everything our lord Ilmater stands for... and at worst, she believes that the suffering she feels is making her holy. Like some kind of misguided self-flaggulator who can take the suffering from the dead and those left behind into herself by suffering more than they do. However, she cannot. Just because she will be driven mad from grief doesn't lessen the suffering of those victims whose broken families remain outside my Sanctuary and weep. It only adds suffering into the world... and to our lord Ilmater. And it certainly won't lessen the suffering of those who will starve and die from sickness when they tear our temple to the ground.

I cannot wait for her to come to her senses. She is no closer to destroying the cult of Bhaal than she was before. Its clear they are a step ahead of her, and no matter how resolved she is, resolve isn't going to save the lives of children who are being taken from their homes and slain as a test of her will power. So ive begun to take action to see to it this killing stops. Ilmater's Sanctuary is drowning in the blood of the innocent, and I will not let this ridiculous personal test of faith continue, or claim one more life if I can stop it. Ilmater's flock has only one purpose, and that is to lessen suffering in the world. I have spent weeks in prayer and have felt no insight that would lead me to believe I am mistaken or errant in my path. I know Ilmater's scripture word for word, and what is happening here... this isnt it.

Ive spoken with those I know in Candlekeep to see if what I propose can be implimented. I once healed a mortal wound on Ulraunt, and I hope this will lend my cause weight. They are discussing it and will hopefully come to a decision soon. If they agree that this path is wise... the next challenge will be Merielle... and I do not make light of what a challenge that will be.

She will eventually see the wisdom in what ive done when the killings stop. Though I have no doubt, at first, she will believe I am trying to take William from her somehow, or even aid the enemy. It can't be helped. This maddness must be stopped. Every life is sacrid to Ilmater. Not just little Williams. Self sacrifice is holy... the sacrifice of others is done upon the altar of Bhaal or Loviatar... not Ilmater

May we all find strength to Endure,
Abiggail Constance Winters

For the first time in a long time, I got to sleep with a sense of safety in Ilmater's Sanctuary. The murderer who has been terrorising our temple has been, at last brought to an end.

While my plan didn't go as smoothly as Id hoped, thanks to an early appearance of the villian, it did, in the end function. The killer approached the bed, triggering the glyph of warding which burst, rupturing the bag of flour and dousing he, and the rest of the infirmary (empty of paitents) in white powder. So revealed, Ser Ian was able to make short work of the exposed villian.

Upon unmasking the man, we learned that he was none other than Jack Spades. It brings me shame that I ever brought him into our Sanctuary at all, yet I thank Ilmater for blessing me with the insight to ask him to leave after the first killing. My mistrust of his demenor was accurate afterall... though I had hoped it wouldn't be him.

It is chilling to me that a man can look you in the eye, and speak to you as a friend in deception, and later do such terrible harm to those you love.

Yet more chilling still were those things we found upon his person. He wore a strangley adapted Cilice upon his arm, which was clamped and digging into his flesh. A device not unlike what the Self Flaggulators wear... though this one was reaking of negative energy and corruption. Ser Ian has taken it, and some of his other artifacts to Candlkeep.

Among these artifacts, there was a symbol of Myrkul and an amulet containing an image of a young woman and an inscription of the word "Eternal." My best guess , after speaking with his corpse before his body was taken away to be burned byt he flaming fist, is that this woman was someone dear to him whom he wished to revive. He kept saying that again and again in our ghastly parlay. Perhaps it was thusly he had become insnared by Myrkul, with promises of bringing back his lost love... even if the cost was to murder those whom others care for. Tis a sad tale, and one which I am glad is over.

I this respite, perhaps I can take down the flier and start letting people into the Sanctuary in peace for a time again.

One last thing. I have finally recieved an answer in my communions. "Trust her." Either Merielle's visions were true, or else she is working within Ilmater's design. I take comfort in this. The lateness of the reply may have had reason as well. I have acomplished what I had to. The conflict is no longer in the Sanctuary and the poor and downtrodden may at last be safe from these murderers for a time. It is my hope that with William in sister Merielle's care, behind the high walls of Candleep, this conflict will be forced to a head soon, for good or ill. I only pray we have the strength to endure what is coming.

I shall find sister Merielle and inform her of events, and of the message I have recieved from above. Both peices of news may serve to lighten her heart. They have certainly lightened mine.

Abigail Constance Winters

Things seem to have returned to normal of late, for which I am happy. The war has ended, and though I almost fear to say it so as not to bring some new threat down upon us... it seems we have peace in Ilmater's Sanctuary. We have tended the last of the wounded and deceased from the battle, and are back to a normal flow of daily work.

I have decided that the time has come for me to take a Plea of Rest. Things of late have been difficult, and I believe some time to unwind would be good. If only ser Rynn were still with me. As such, lady Joan has asked that I let her dress me and paint me with make-up. I shall likely look quite silly, but im sure Joan knows her business. Im a bit uncomfortable about it, but I suppose I can let her have her fun. I have no doubt it will be a unique experiance to say the least.

I shall feel naked without Ilmater's healing in me, and I honestly don't know how I shall cope with him gone from my life for ten days. However, im certain Saint Merielle and the others can keep up with the wounded and sick until I come back.

The halo is truly amazing. Somtimes it glows so brightly, that we can go about our work in the kitchen without even lighting extra candles. It must bring great hope to the wounded in the Infirmary, and we've had more converts of late. It is a truly a blessing to have one so touched by Ilmater walking among us here. While she may not "blend" with the downtrodden as well as the rest of us, she certainly makes up for it by inspiring them. I suppose the one downside... if you could call it that... is that the theives and others of ill repute will be too intimidated to come to us for healing, and may steal more in order to pay for temple services elsewhere. I like having the chance to guide such people to a better way.

Of course I must admit that I am somewhat daunted. How does one tell a living saint of Ilmater that it is better to keep the food bland so as to discourage over dependance on our charity and teach self reliance? I feel a bit presumptious trying to remind a saint of our Sanctuary customs, even if we are from differant branches of the faith. Its quite a pickle actually. Am I supposed to keep up our traditions which have allowed the healers to do our work for thousands of years, or should I defer to her judgment on these things? I am but a lowley healer, and it seems wrong for me to tell a direct choosen Saint of Ilmater anything at all. I suppose I can only hope she understands our temple well enough now after our time together to respect our customs. It is this delicate balance, laid out before us by Ilmater at our founding which allows our fragile Sanctuaries to survive in a harsh world. It is my hope the Bhaalist war has demonstraited just how fragile we are here. I will not seek to guide her unless she asks, because it would be arrogant in the extreme of me to presume I would know better.

But those concerns are for another time. When I come back into Ilmater's sight, after my Plea of Rest, I shall pray for guidence. In the meantime... I shall put these thoughts from my mind. For the last sixteen years, since the day fate brought me into his fold, I have kept all three vows and lived a life of duty and service. For the next ten days... I mean to experiance some of those things I gave up in order to do his works. I shall let Joan dress me and make me pretty, I shall try wine and fine foods, and perhaps even dance. Of course, there are some vows that I would never break... but by the Rack I intend to shoot a crossbow.

Former and eventual sister of the Sanctuary,
Abigail Constance Winters.

Abby, if anyone still remembers her, returned to Damara shortly after her Plea of Rest... FYI

I happened to be bouncing around the forums a bit for fun, so I figured id post one of my latest drawings. Its big, so I put a link rather than image.


http://finngalleries.com/diciples.jpg

///great stuff, Rhys still talks about abby.