Hello, it is I, Riddalmi Tricksilver!

[NeOmega]

Hello!

I know, you've heard of me a couple of times, but failed to ask the important question; Who is Riddalmi Tricksilver?

Of course, I could go into a lengthy description of my history, who raised me, and my exceptional education, and so on and so forth, etcetera, etcetera, but I'll not bore you with the details, except the important ones! So fear not, for you are truly in the company of genius, and not just any genius, but arcane genius, of which I would be most proud, but it is nothing like my archeological genius!

For yes, I have found, it is my place, nay my duty, as an intellectual superior, to hunt down riddles and solve them!

Now it first started when I accidentally burned my hand on a roasting spit as a child. My mother cast a cure minor wounds spell, and behold, my hand felt better. Now, I know, most of you would scoff at such a minor cantrip, but I was nary five seasons or so old, and immediately captivated! My mother, bless her soul, still can cast such spells, and an odd joke or two as well, though she claims to cast a spell of humility over herself, and it never spreads to me, so she claims. 'Tis a riddle I've not figured yet, but one day shall.

I believe i have gone off on a metaphorical tangent, so I shall again retrace the cosign and reevaluate my calculus. For those of you who do not know, it is math of the slightly above simple minded, so still quite simple minded to the power of mind of someone like me. I'm not bragging, I'm just pointing out my superior intellect, although I am sure by now you are quite sure you are indeed an ant in the shadow of a giant on the cerebral plane, right beyond the pineal gland. (Oh, and if you got that one, perhaps you will understand what comes next).

To say I've read a book or two about the arcane arts would be an understatement, in fact, I am quite sure I have read just about every manuscript on the coast at least once. I could go into explaining the metaphysical realities, bobbalities and simulacrumaties , synchronicities and manifestivities of what knaves would call "magic", although I prefer the more pure form from it's arcane root, "magiks", not that it is relevant... ...where was I? Oh yes, so my mother cast a cure spell on my hand, and from that day, I was sure, I must learn this art form. Now, I can't actually cast cure, (although I can surely use a scroll of one, like any dolt worth his coppers), for divine magic is not exactly my forte, no, I deal in the magic that the learned deal with, although those stuffy scholars at candlekeep can keep their secrets, it doesn't bother me at all, in fact. I mean, why would I cut my hair and take a bath, when there is precious little time on this plane to truly understand all of its manifest mysteries? Plus, they constantly insult my *raises hand in quote marks* "theories" about the arcane. I say it is simple metaphysical harmonics, and they tell me it is "the weave"! Such balderdash. If it was a twining of energies, then how in the nine hells could a bard sing into existence arcane powers? And don't even get me started on their obviously wrong theories about the universe! Quite clearly, to me, mass is the same thing as energy, just moving at the speed of light cubed, n a series of concentric circles to the left and then right, and then the light, (which sounds like a pun, but etymology is surely my second or third favorite area of study, and I assure you, light IS a combination of the words "left" and "right", and the actual catalyst to the third dimension! Why the common folks can not understand my genius is beyond me. In fact, most of the time, they actually treat me with disdain, although, I suspect, they are jealous of my superior intellect.

So before, I finish the story about my mother, I think I should tell you a bit about my parents and upbrining....

*2 hours later, after a long winded tale about his childhood, which includes many moral victories playing sports games at arcane academies, and of course, one very, very, VERY long story about the time he bested a foe in a match of brickleball*

...and that was when, I wondered into the woods, and discovered ruins. I could hear screams of mighty beasts, known as kobolds, with red eyes and very, VERY nasty teeth. I assure you, if you were to see one, and had not the courageous fortitude of one as myself, you would run immediately. Well, I didn't exactly run, for I am not one to run from a challenge, nor do I fight through it, the way wimps and bullies do, no, I do it the way a civilized halfling would, I tricked the dragonkin, (that's kobolds for the ignorant) and explored the cave with my superior invisibility skills and spells.

What I discovered down there, was nothing short of a Faerun-shattering legend and riddle, which I am so very close to solving. And when I do, you will no longer have to ask who Riddalmi Tricksilver is, because fame will be mine. But don't worry, I'll not be like those stuffy aristocrats and such who think they are better than everybody else, no, I am a male of the people, and I shall be sure all the fame I receive will be used wisely, and to continue my research. Not one copper will be spent on such frivolous luxuries such as soap and fancy clothes, parties, wine and mead! I will remember all those who were not born with the intellectual capacity I possess, and remember it is my responsibility as their superior to be sure the riddles they can not solve will not go unsolved!

But my friends, after I solve that riddle, next, I shall solve yet another, hidden deep in a mysterious cave, one of which I can not talk, but which requires an intense study of language and texts far too obscure for you to have ever heard of them. This riddle, I suspect, is still unsolved because of many far too goody-two-shoes to descend into the depths of the.... I dare not say more! I suspect the wealth to be found where I speak of is far more than one as yourself could imagine! And I bet you can imagine a lot!

*chuckles a bit at the joke*.

Now, I have lobbied the Arcane scholars of Candlekeep, to put the rightful name of a spell I invented. I call it, "Riddalmi's Resplendent Rooster", I discovered it while trying to solve a riddle, I was using my sandals to snatch a purse form a spider web filled hole, (please do not ask, it is part of the riddle, and I have not the time nor inclination to explain the intricacies of it, let's just say it involves a black pearl, statues, a bard, a ghost, and a purse cutting purse, and yes, of course I've heard the ribald and classless joke with the pearl the priest, and the statue, and no, it is not funny in the least, as a matter of fact, I find such subjects highly offensive. Genitals are NOT to be discussed in polite and or intellectual society.) anyways, I just had to say a bit about THAT joke... anyways, where was I, OH yes, while uttering arcane verses, when suddenly, I turned to a magnificent rooster! After I had figured out what happened, I tried it again, and behold, it worked again! Imagine the uses of such a spell! You could wake towns up in the morning, instead of those awful temple bells, and what if you needed to clean up some corn off the ground, are you gonna sweep it up, with all that dirt, and waste it!? No! Cast Riddalmi's Resplendent Rooster and suddenly cleaning grain from the dirt becomes a haven of pleasure! Do you see a tiny hole, that you could not fit in, but leads to obvious treasures? Ridddalmi's Resplendent Rooster calls again! Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cast this marvelous, magnificent, munificent and... uh, resplendent spell, and you can GO THROUGH THE HOLE!!

So, in conclusion, I'd like to say, that when you realize the vast importance of my studies, and are saying to yourself, "Riddalmi, I could never help you, for I fear my dark ignorance pales in comparison to your glorious genius", I say, So right you are my friend, but my labors do require a bit of gold, and I also find myself in need of black and white pearls, so please, feel free to donate to the worthy cause of riddle solving.

P.S.
I am sure I have read countless times any and all accounts you may have read on these two riddles of which I speak, if you know anything about them, please feel free to tell me, I'll promise not to laugh at your naivete and misunderstanding of such things. Thank you.

P.P.S.
This IS NOT an invitation for romantic gestures or preludes from my throngs of adoring female fans. I am currently FAR TOO BUSY to engage in such sophomoric pursuits.











no DM rewards requested, hence no template/journal, although I may update in the future.