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Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 9:16 am
by Zanniej
. . . making you laugh only out of awkwardness.
I'll start:
What is blue, and not heavy?
. . . .
. . . Light blue
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:09 am
by Lux
Hate it when jokes get old.

Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 6:39 am
by Halo Deity
What do you call a camel with no humps?
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 6:54 am
by Tsidkenu
Where did Sarevok go to the toilet?
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:23 am
by Ivan38Rus
Halo Deity wrote:What do you call a camel with no humps?
I dun get it

Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:32 am
by thids
hump free?
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:57 am
by Zanniej
Shamelessly stolen from Reddit, but gods I love this one!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel. He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?" The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaking Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been kind of harrassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps. Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they should do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar. The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing shit long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 5:54 pm
by Halo Deity
Zanniej wrote:Shamelessly stolen from Reddit, but gods I love this one!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel. He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?" The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaking Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been kind of harrassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps. Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they should do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar. The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing (#2) long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Loved your joke.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:48 pm
by chad878262
My son likes this one...
What did the big tomato say to the little tomato?
And...
Why did the six run away from the seven?
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:17 am
by Considerate_
... Why is this topic called terrible jokes? Thus far they're all better than what I got
- What did the teacher do with the student's cheese report?
What is the number one cause of divorce?
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
What's red and bad for your teeth?
That's all the jokes I know.
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:12 am
by Zanniej
Considerate_ wrote:... Why is this topic called terrible jokes? Thus far they're all better than what I got
Want me to change the name then?
Alright, you made me remember another one of my favorites:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:28 pm
by Halo Deity
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
What do you call a dog magician?
Today, I tried to catch some fog, I mist. 
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:10 pm
by Montleberry
My Grandfather was a source of many silly/dumb jokes. His favorite that I have always remembered...
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you dig a hole in the ground. Then you fill the hole with ashes. Finally you surround the hole with peas.
When an elephant comes along and bends over to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:39 am
by Ivan38Rus
This thread is just too much
Re: Terrible jokes . . .
Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:51 am
by Zanniej
Ivan38Rus wrote:This thread is just too much
NO! It's not enough. It needs MOAR!!
What's blue and smells like red paint?
What's something that's red and bad for your teeth?
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner for a bit. They tend to be around 90 degrees
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
. . . They're too good at it.
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?
Why did little Johnny drop his ice cream cone?
Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?
Because they are two tired
Bill Gates farted in an apple store and stank up the entire place. But it's their own fault for not having windows
Where did Mary go after the explosion?
What's clear and smells like red paint?
Chloroform . . . shhhh. . .
Jokes shamelessly stolen from 9gag