Terrible jokes . . .

[Zanniej]

. . . making you laugh only out of awkwardness.

I'll start:

What is blue, and not heavy?

. . . .

. . . Light blue

[Lux]

Hate it when jokes get old.

[Halo Deity]

What do you call a camel with no humps?

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Humpfrey

[Tsidkenu]

Where did Sarevok go to the toilet?

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On the Iron Throne.

[Ivan38Rus]

What do you call a camel with no humps?

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Humpfrey

I dun get it

[thids]

hump free?

[Zanniej]

Shamelessly stolen from Reddit, but gods I love this one!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel. He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?" The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaking Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been kind of harrassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps. Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they should do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar. The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing shit long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"

[Halo Deity]

Hidden: show

Shamelessly stolen from Reddit, but gods I love this one!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it's knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. Needless to say, the bar is closed for the rest of the day. Jesus walks up to the bar, but it's closed for hygiene reasons and he goes next door to a hotel. He hands the receptionist a couple of nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?" The receptionist takes a moment to understand, not speaking Aramaic, but is able to explain in mime that nails are not legal tender. After Jesus leaves disgruntledly, a duck that has been kind of harrassing the receptionist for the last few days by asking for grapes waddles in. The duck asks if the receptionist has any nails, and the receptionist finally snaps. Deciding to walk out on the most ludicrous workday of his life, receptionist goes to the bar, and is infuriated to find it closed. He jimmies open a window, not caring who sees. But two old friends across the street, a priest and a rabbi, DO see. They decide they should do something to calm this agitated man down, and follow him into the bar. The bartender, having spent all day cleaning up after the horse, sees the receptionist, the priest and the rabbi come into the bar, and stops scrubbing (#2) long enough to ask "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Loved your joke.


Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[chad878262]

My son likes this one...

What did the big tomato say to the little tomato?

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Catch-up!

And...

Why did the six run away from the seven?

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Because seven ate nine!

[Considerate_]

... Why is this topic called terrible jokes? Thus far they're all better than what I got


- What did the teacher do with the student's cheese report?

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She "grated" it!

What is the number one cause of divorce?

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Marriage!

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

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A can't opener!

What's red and bad for your teeth?

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A brick

That's all the jokes I know.

[Zanniej]

... Why is this topic called terrible jokes? Thus far they're all better than what I got

Want me to change the name then?

Alright, you made me remember another one of my favorites:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

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A stick

[Halo Deity]

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

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Guardians of the Galaxy.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

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You can't tuna fish.

What do you call a dog magician?

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A labracadabrador.

Today, I tried to catch some fog, I mist.

[Montleberry]

My Grandfather was a source of many silly/dumb jokes. His favorite that I have always remembered...

How do you catch an elephant?

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First, you dig a hole in the ground. Then you fill the hole with ashes. Finally you surround the hole with peas.

When an elephant comes along and bends over to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

[Ivan38Rus]

This thread is just too much

[Zanniej]

This thread is just too much

NO! It's not enough. It needs MOAR!!

What's blue and smells like red paint?

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Blue paint

What's something that's red and bad for your teeth?

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A brick

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner for a bit. They tend to be around 90 degrees

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

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. . . They're too good at it.

Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

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They both got six months

Why did little Johnny drop his ice cream cone?

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He got hit by a bus

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?

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Because they are two tired

Bill Gates farted in an apple store and stank up the entire place. But it's their own fault for not having windows

Where did Mary go after the explosion?

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EVERYWHERE!

What's clear and smells like red paint?

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Chloroform . . . shhhh. . .

Jokes shamelessly stolen from 9gag