A Farewell - And Thank you (My retirment thread)
Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:17 pm
To the community of BG,
I can remember reading DM Bloodlusts retirment post and thinking 'wow...this DM is commited, it'll be a shame to see him go' I never imagined I would be here, posting my own retirment. DM Bloodlust was very rough around the edges, but stood for great RP, stories and had a strong desire to make things better – values I looked upto and admired him for.
Why did I join the team? Out of love, respect – and a desire to make things better. I felt we needed another strong DM on the team – and didn't care who it was, so I put in my app. Needless to say it was rejected, but the secound time – amazingly I got on the team to my suprise. It would be a lie to say I didn't come onto the team with a tad bit of resentment. I boderline hated the DM team for things they had done to me as a player, and my friends. I brushed this aside and told myself I want to be the DM of the community; A DM the players can talk with, go to advice for and who players can laugh with – the friendly DM who understands, and I did – as best I could. I wanted the server to be a joy, not a chore. Let me tell you, becoming a DM changes your prospective on a lot of things, it isn't just about 'hosting events' and I've had to deal with my far share of player problems, fustrations and issues – which were normally not even related to me, it can be very draining work – even more so if you are the only ADM online.
Anyway having been accepted with zero exp in toolset, it was a huge challage – at the time, most of the older DMs were taking a break so with only a few lessons, we were all left to fend for ourselfs – needless to say I caused quite a mess. Within 3 days of becoming a ADM I was hosting a huge mega plot with a red dragon, a soul gem and the drow, by myself. This plot caught on very, very quickly – with over 30 players taking part. I was instantly bombared with emails chasing up leads and more players jumping in to take part.
RP was rampted, players in the UD and the surface were all working together towards different goals, advancing the plot in their own way - and the general tone of the server shifted. Was it easy? Hell no it wasn't easy, within 1 week I was getting 20+ emails – yet I kept my cool, and during my spare time I sat through every single email and progressed the plot as best I could. Things did take a turn for the worst however, as a player got involved with the Red Dragon – which as some of you may know lead to a deeper plot and a bit of player conflict – I did my best to resolve the conflict within the week. That player was punished pretty badly, and it was something I have always felt bad about.
However, the plot was now so big, and so server wide I was pulled to one side and adviced to be careful as this was causing more work for the higher ups – so I ended the plot, rounding it off as best I could. I then took on the entire UD Ooze plot by myself – a crazy idea, with 12+ players turning up every single week. I also had 2 pages of player requests I took care of and a weekly UD Ooze event. Was it easy? Hell no! I run a full time buisness, and all my free time was going to BG, to such a level that my social life well....vanished. Ofcause, because of all this work I was doing – many people were advicing me to take a break, which I did not. Without going into too much detail, with several other things also behind it – it lead to a 2 week ban, which hampered the UD Ooze plot and upset a few players – but it was a punishment I accepted and it was fair, though not a strict 'ban' I was told not to log in for 2 weeks.
Did I ever burn out? Hell no! I know my limits and always took breaks when I needed to, in the same way that players can keep logging in to RP – I enjoyed what I was doing and was proud of the RP I generated both surface / and the life I had generated UD. I liked to help players and I liked to make new players feel welcome, way more than I did player side.
However due to my 2 week ban I became very careful, very distant and slowed down – focusing on a few random surface events with my dragon (Moreneth) and a few other minor events, as well as several player requests.
When the UD Ooze plot finished (recently) I had huge plans for evil guilds and a new draft for the UD. So why retire now?
The short answer is....I'm not, I won't truthfully tell you that I am retiring because I am burnt out or fed up – the truth is I was let go, for reasons I can not talk about. So why post the fake step down thread? Because I saw hope, and it was an easy way to explain where I was and put the breaks on everyhing I was doing. I did cause a lot of mess for the DM team to clean up – and although some of the claims put on my head I disagree with, I was very rough and wild; and some valid points were brought up which has lead to my removal from the team.
Why am I telling you this? I have thought long and hard – if I should just vanish into the night; or if I should speak the truth. I strongly believe it is healthy for the players to know the true story instead of not being told anything at all, and I will not knowingly lie to your faces. For the record, we have a strong and passinate team here – not everything they do I agree with, but I can tell they all care just as much as I do about the well being of the server. One of my greatest weaknesses was lack of communication – I did not express how I felt for several different reasons which caused rifts. I believe this highlights a very important lesson, player or DM – that your concerns should always be put forward, if you do not – things will only get worse
I have greatly enjoyed my time as a DM, and greatly admire how strong and loving this community Is.
So who was I player side? ...Manah, yep yep – the cute little red monk; now that I no longer hold the title of DM, I will be taking a break, I would be a liar if I told you the loss of my title did not come with some degree of pain. but I do hope to RP with you on Manah in the future.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me, a huge thank you to Lisa for listening to my rants <3. I am proud of this community, and am glad I was given the chance to DM for it, for what its worth – We have several amazing ADMs still on the team who I have no doubt will go far. I wish you all the very best of luck, and want you to know I am always here player side if any of you need any advice, I also urge you to always seek out help if unsure, for me – it was a case of not wanting to be a bother, but this thinking will do much more harm than good.
I can remember reading DM Bloodlusts retirment post and thinking 'wow...this DM is commited, it'll be a shame to see him go' I never imagined I would be here, posting my own retirment. DM Bloodlust was very rough around the edges, but stood for great RP, stories and had a strong desire to make things better – values I looked upto and admired him for.
Why did I join the team? Out of love, respect – and a desire to make things better. I felt we needed another strong DM on the team – and didn't care who it was, so I put in my app. Needless to say it was rejected, but the secound time – amazingly I got on the team to my suprise. It would be a lie to say I didn't come onto the team with a tad bit of resentment. I boderline hated the DM team for things they had done to me as a player, and my friends. I brushed this aside and told myself I want to be the DM of the community; A DM the players can talk with, go to advice for and who players can laugh with – the friendly DM who understands, and I did – as best I could. I wanted the server to be a joy, not a chore. Let me tell you, becoming a DM changes your prospective on a lot of things, it isn't just about 'hosting events' and I've had to deal with my far share of player problems, fustrations and issues – which were normally not even related to me, it can be very draining work – even more so if you are the only ADM online.
Anyway having been accepted with zero exp in toolset, it was a huge challage – at the time, most of the older DMs were taking a break so with only a few lessons, we were all left to fend for ourselfs – needless to say I caused quite a mess. Within 3 days of becoming a ADM I was hosting a huge mega plot with a red dragon, a soul gem and the drow, by myself. This plot caught on very, very quickly – with over 30 players taking part. I was instantly bombared with emails chasing up leads and more players jumping in to take part.
RP was rampted, players in the UD and the surface were all working together towards different goals, advancing the plot in their own way - and the general tone of the server shifted. Was it easy? Hell no it wasn't easy, within 1 week I was getting 20+ emails – yet I kept my cool, and during my spare time I sat through every single email and progressed the plot as best I could. Things did take a turn for the worst however, as a player got involved with the Red Dragon – which as some of you may know lead to a deeper plot and a bit of player conflict – I did my best to resolve the conflict within the week. That player was punished pretty badly, and it was something I have always felt bad about.
However, the plot was now so big, and so server wide I was pulled to one side and adviced to be careful as this was causing more work for the higher ups – so I ended the plot, rounding it off as best I could. I then took on the entire UD Ooze plot by myself – a crazy idea, with 12+ players turning up every single week. I also had 2 pages of player requests I took care of and a weekly UD Ooze event. Was it easy? Hell no! I run a full time buisness, and all my free time was going to BG, to such a level that my social life well....vanished. Ofcause, because of all this work I was doing – many people were advicing me to take a break, which I did not. Without going into too much detail, with several other things also behind it – it lead to a 2 week ban, which hampered the UD Ooze plot and upset a few players – but it was a punishment I accepted and it was fair, though not a strict 'ban' I was told not to log in for 2 weeks.
Did I ever burn out? Hell no! I know my limits and always took breaks when I needed to, in the same way that players can keep logging in to RP – I enjoyed what I was doing and was proud of the RP I generated both surface / and the life I had generated UD. I liked to help players and I liked to make new players feel welcome, way more than I did player side.
However due to my 2 week ban I became very careful, very distant and slowed down – focusing on a few random surface events with my dragon (Moreneth) and a few other minor events, as well as several player requests.
When the UD Ooze plot finished (recently) I had huge plans for evil guilds and a new draft for the UD. So why retire now?
The short answer is....I'm not, I won't truthfully tell you that I am retiring because I am burnt out or fed up – the truth is I was let go, for reasons I can not talk about. So why post the fake step down thread? Because I saw hope, and it was an easy way to explain where I was and put the breaks on everyhing I was doing. I did cause a lot of mess for the DM team to clean up – and although some of the claims put on my head I disagree with, I was very rough and wild; and some valid points were brought up which has lead to my removal from the team.
Why am I telling you this? I have thought long and hard – if I should just vanish into the night; or if I should speak the truth. I strongly believe it is healthy for the players to know the true story instead of not being told anything at all, and I will not knowingly lie to your faces. For the record, we have a strong and passinate team here – not everything they do I agree with, but I can tell they all care just as much as I do about the well being of the server. One of my greatest weaknesses was lack of communication – I did not express how I felt for several different reasons which caused rifts. I believe this highlights a very important lesson, player or DM – that your concerns should always be put forward, if you do not – things will only get worse
I have greatly enjoyed my time as a DM, and greatly admire how strong and loving this community Is.
So who was I player side? ...Manah, yep yep – the cute little red monk; now that I no longer hold the title of DM, I will be taking a break, I would be a liar if I told you the loss of my title did not come with some degree of pain. but I do hope to RP with you on Manah in the future.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me, a huge thank you to Lisa for listening to my rants <3. I am proud of this community, and am glad I was given the chance to DM for it, for what its worth – We have several amazing ADMs still on the team who I have no doubt will go far. I wish you all the very best of luck, and want you to know I am always here player side if any of you need any advice, I also urge you to always seek out help if unsure, for me – it was a case of not wanting to be a bother, but this thinking will do much more harm than good.
