Baldur's Gate : The Sword Coast Chronicles : NWN2 Persistent World

(( So it goes without saying that this is just for a bit of fun. It's not meant to be taken seriously or to actually have occured in-character. That being said sit back and enjoy the insanity!!))

I was sitting in the Friendly Arms Inn when she approached me. I hadn't seen her around before, and I tend to know everybody who comes in and out of the Friendly Arms Inn.

She was a beautiful Elven lass. Her hair was as silver as starlight, and her eyes equally as piercing. She approached me as I sat next to the fire, warming my cold hands.


"Excuse me, Sir, you are the one that is known as "Gary" in these parts?"

Her voice was angelic. Almost like the tolling of a silver bell. It echoed out into my mind and almost immediately put me at ease. There was something about this Elf. Something...otherworldly. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. She moved with a grace unlike any I had ever seen, and her eyes seemed to dash about the room as if she was taking in every detail of everything around her. I knew I had to be cautious with this one, there was obviously more to her than met the eye.

"Yes Ma'am." I replied, smiling to her. "How may I be of assistance?"

She looked me over from head to toe. Not just as if she was seeing my body, it was as if she was piercing into my mind, into my soul. Probing my every thought. I could feel an unearthly presence dancing about within the far reaches of my mind, as if digging for something long forgotten.

"Yes...allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Noel, and I need your help to solve a...problem. A problem that has beget me for...oh..as long as I can remember I suppose."

I leaned in, obviously interested. Perhaps it was the eggnog talking, but this woman's allure was irresistable. There was something about her that just drew me in. Whether it was her unearthly beauty or something other more sinister I could not deny my immediate attraction to this woman.

"Up North...FAR up North...there is a man. A brutal tyrant who has taken my Elven brothers and sisters hostage. He has forced them into slavery, building weapons of war for the Thayan Army. I need your help, Gary, to free my Elven cousins and stop this wicked man.

I nodded to her, smiling. "Such a job would be...expensive..to say the least my dear."

Without a moment's hesitation she smirked, pulling a pouch from her side. She overturned it over the table, pouring out at least a hundred coins of a very peculiar metal. Electrum. One piece of Electrum was worth one hundred gold-weighted coins. She had just poured ten bags worth of gold onto the table as though it were mere pocket change.

"End this horrible man's life, and free my cousins, and there will be three more such bags for your trouble."

"Ma'am" I replied, my eyes going wide at the prospect. "Looks like you got yourself a handyman..."

She smirked at that, and then outstretched her hand.

"I'm glad to hear it, Mister von Mitternacht. Allow me to teleport you where you need to go..."

"Wait, how did you know my...."

Before I could finish my sentence she had placed her hand upon my shoulder, and uttered an incantation of magic. It was in that second that I felt a bitter chill of cold. The coldest I had ever felt. I gazed out, into the infinite white that had suddenly come to encase and surround me. I felt the grasp of winter's cold, and the gentle fall of snow. Truly she had transported me into a winter wonderland, as far as the eyes could see.

"...name..." I uttered before the cold overtook me. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering uncontrollably. Fortunately I had my magical cloak with me. I reached into my bag, removing my cloak and cowl, and placing them upon my head and shoulders. The magic of the cape and cowl kept me always at room temperature, regardless of outside conditions. It also kept me dry..also important considering the heavy snowfall.

I looked around, lost, before finally fixating my gaze upon Noel. She smiled to me, still holding her hand upon my shoulder.

"That way." she pointed in an aft direction. "That way you will find the compound in which the monster has imprisoned my people. Go. Destroy the tyrant, and free my elven cousins from their entrapment once and for all. When you have done so return to this spot, and I shall spirit you back to the Inn. Good luck, Herr von Mitternacht, and may the Gods be with you.."

She vanished just as quickly as we had arrived, in a flash of silver. I readied my weapons and prepared for my long trek through the snow. This wasn't going to be easy. But something told me this was going to be fun.

For hours I marched through the cold and the snow. I had trudged through the snow before, dealing with the Frost Giants of the North, but never for this long. I could see nothing but sheets of white and hear nothing save for the howl of the winds of winter. I felt hopeless, for a moment, wondering if I would ever again see the fires of civilization, until I finally saw it over the horizon.

"What in the Gods Green World....?" I gasped as I took it all in. The compound was massive, far larger than any other castle I had ever laid eyes upon. Bigger than Castle Black. Bigger than the Zhentil Keep. A fortress unlike any I had ever seen, and unlike any I could have ever imagined.

The entire facility seemed to be made of pure ice. I had seen such construction before, but never of this magnitude. And never this...neat. The ice bricks were perfectly sculpted. But that wasn't the part that struck me as odd: It was the smoke.

Coming from this compound of ice was the smell of Fire, and smoke. The fires of industry. This wasn't a castle. It was a FACTORY of some sort. A factory made of ice and snow...that wasn't melting from the heat. My eyes went wide as I took in the spectacle.

"Holy Crap..." I stuttered. "This is the most amazing thing I've ever...."

CRASH!!!

It happened so suddenly that I barely knew what hit me. The very snow from underneath me had reached up and hit me in the face with a massive icy fist. I was sent flying, at least five yards, knocked on my ass with a force not unlike being struck by a runaway wagon. I spat out a tooth...fortunately the regenerative properties of my cloak would regrow it with time...and then gazed forward to see what looked like a massive Golem. Made of SNOW.

This was, perhaps, the oddest looking creature I had ever seen. Easily as big as a house it was a giant...Snow Man. It's eyes looked as if they were made of stones. Additional stones went down the front of his body almost like buttons. As my eyes traced up his massive form I saw upon his face what looked like a giant Carrot for a nose.

But perhaps the oddest feature of this massive Golem was the old silk hat that he wore. A giant black tophat that adorned his massive round head. The golem gazed down upon me, it's stony eyes focused on me with a look that said only one thing: DESTROY!!

The creature charged me with a ferocity unlike any I had ever seen. Fortunately I'm pretty notorious for being quick on my feet. The monster's giant, icy arms came crashing down as I zig-zagged around them. Moving with cat-like agility I dodged around his massive fists as they pummeled down into the snow. I closed in with the beast, drawing my magical life-draining sickles as I danced around the massive icy columns that were the beast's legs. I sliced at it's ankles, but to no avail. It was as if striking powdery snow, my blades doing no damage whatsoever. The beast released a mighty yell as it raised up it's leg, seeking to crush me underfoot as the insignificant insect that I was compared to this snowy behemoth.

The beast missed me with his foot...fortunate for me...but the impact tremor caused by the massive creature's step send a shockwave through the snow, knocking me on my rear end yet again. I sat there, helplessly trapped in the miniature avalanche it had caused, gazing up at this massive colossus of snow and ice that was moments away from crushing me. In desperation I grabbed my crossbow and aimed it at the beast's head. I was fully aware that striking a beast such as this in the head was no different than it's ankles, but instinct took over all the same. I let loose one of my magical bolts from the crossbow, which flew towards the monster's head. It made impact...right in the old silk hat it wore.

The shot from the crossbow knocked the hat from the head of the Frozen Titan....and it stopped. Just as soon as the Hat was knocked from it's head the creature froze in it's tracks, completely immobilized. It had just enough time to let out one final groan as the snow that had once made up it's body began to collapse. It was then, in it's final death throes, and the Monster finally spoke....

"I'll be back again....one day."

Pulling myself out of the snow and the ice I walked over to the Silk Hat and picked it up, placing it into my bag. This was going to make one hell of a trophy. After collecting my ill-gotten gains I gained my bearings, and began to make my way to the factory once again. As I approached a ridge overlooking the facility I pulled out my gnomish Spyglass and began to survey the surroundings. I saw the doors open and two Elves step out. One of them rolled up a cigarillo, and I could see the two speaking, but I couldn't hear what. Pulling out a Scroll I cast Clairaudience, aiming the hearing receptacle to be placed between the two Elves.

"We gotta hurry up, we got a deadline." said the first Elf to the other.

"Yeah, and you know how much the big guy hates it if we can't make deadlines..." said the other as he smoked his cigarillo.

"Yeah, may as well go reattach myself to my ball and chain..." said the other as he approached the door. When he did he reached onto his side and pulled out a silver bell, which he rang with a Jingle. The Jingling Bell caused the door to magically open as he walked back inside.

"Ball and chain. They are slaves....What kind of monster would do this!? Kidnap slaves and bring them into the middle of this Frozen Wasteland to build...whatever it is they're building.
I'm going to enjoy killing this sadistic wanker.." I thought to myself.

Using my grappling hook I climbed down the ravine and began making my way towards the factory. I grabbed my camouflage ring and twisted it upon my finger, changing the color scheme of my clothes to a solid white to match the snow. I crawled forth on my belly close to the gate I had seen open, searching it for an opening.

"No good, I need one of those bells...looks like I get to play the waiting game."

So I did. I waited about another fifteen minutes before the doors opened again, and another elf stepped outside. He rolled himself a cigarillo and began to smoke. Whoever this cruel taskmaster was at least he permitted his slaves a smoke break. Odd for an evil overseer, to say the least.

It was pretty easy to knock him out. A well placed medicine ball to the side of the head sent him keeling over into the snow. I moved up and quickly snatched the magical bell off of his belt and then stood before the massive icy door.[/i

"Here goes nothin'..." I said before ringing the bell. Sure enough as the bell echoed the huge door of ice began to swing open. I moved inside quickly, taking cover behind a column just on the other side. The sight that I took in was nothing short of breathtaking.

There they were. Hundreds of Elves. THOUSANDS of Elves, all standing side by side in rows. They were all working, at a very rushed and hurried pace, standing next to the a conveyor belt. They were building...something I couldn't quite make out. But that's not the weirdest part of all.

They were SINGING. Singing songs of holiday cheer as they worked their hands to the bone, all of them fervently building the items in front of them.

"My Gods...he's making them sing while they work...this guy really IS a monster.."

One of the Elves was marching back and forth in a scaffold overseeing the construction area. He shouted out to all of the Elves that were working. An overseer, no doubt.

"We've got TWO DAYS before the Big Night, Gentlemen. The Big guy doesn't like it when we miss deadlines, and we've got to see to it that ALL of the children are taken care of!"

"CHILDREN!!?!?" I said to myself, eyes going wide. "What's this bastard going to do to the Children!? Oh Gods, I have to stop him.."

It was then that a massive pair of double-doors opened. As they did all eyes went towards them. As they opened ice and snow poured into the factory, melting instantly as it hit the warm, dry air. Then HE stepped forward.

He was a mountain of a man, with a giant belly that jetted out past his belt line. He wore a giant red suit, with a red hat, both lined with white Alpaca fur. A giant white beard rested upon his face, just under his crimson red cheeks and bright red, cherry-like nose. Black Leather Boots adorned his feet, white gloves adorned his hands, and over his shoulder he carried a giant red bag. Brushing the snow from his suit he entered the factory stepping forward, his shadow overcasting the room as he stepped between the Elves and the roaring fire of the massive furnace.

"Two days, Ladies and Gentlemen! Two Days to prepare for the Big Day!! Two-Days to prepare all that is needed for the Children. And then, afterwards....HOLIDAY DINNER! HO! HO! HO!" he bellowed. As he did all of the elves shouted out with glee. The man then turned an about-face and walked out of the door in which he had entered.

"Oh Gods!! He's brainwashed them all!! And he's going to feed them their own children!! THIS SICK !@#$%!!" I thought to myself. Oh gods. Oh Gods. He had to be stopped!! I was an evil bastard, but this guy was on a WHOLE other level! Feeding Elves their own children!! If I wasn't so horrified I might have been impressed.

Skulking through the room in the giant shadows cast by the fireplace I made my way to the door he had walked through. I made my way outside, following the large man as he made his way to another building. As we walked we came by a herd of animals. Deer, they looked like, but different. He petted one of them upon the head and then made his way to an icy building that looked like some sort of house. But not like any house I had ever seen. This house wasn't made of wood, or ice or snow. It seemed to be made of....GINGERBREAD!? No..not possible. Then again it wouldn't surprise me if the insane bastard had done something so crazy. He did, after all, keep deer as pets, brainwash and enslave the elves, and feed them their own children...

The man entered the house and closed the door. I began to circle the perimeter, looking for an entrance. I watched the man through the windows of his house as he approached what looked like an old woman and kiss her upon the forehead.

"He's Married one of his brainwashed slaves. He's turned this into some sort of Demonic Cult...I must put a stop to this."

I turned through what must have been his pasture. There was a giant fire in the middle of it, keeping the Deer warm. They all circled around it for warmth. The fire was obviously magical, no such fire of this size could burn for this long in the middle of a snowstorm such as this. I made my way past the fire to see the other side of the man's house. I didn't make it far before my presence went noticed.

FWOOSH!!!

SOMETHING had whizzed past my head! I had just enough time to hit the ground before I noticed IT. It was a Deer, just like the others. This one, however, was much bigger. As I gazed upon it the beast glared at me with eyes of pure disdain. But that wasn't all...

...It had a giant, red, glowing Nose. And it was FLYING.

My jaw hit the floor as I took in this truly magnificent sight. I didn't have long to marvel, however, before the beast began it's charge. It flew straight at me with the speed and the fury of a falling star. It was upon me before I had time to react. The beast hit me head-on like a charging wildebeast and scooped me up, carrying me up into the sky. I held on for dear life as the flying Reindeer carried me through the sky, doing barrel rolls and attempting to throw me from it's clutches. I held on to a pair of reigns for all I was worth, danging like a piece of meat above the harsh winter wasteland.

The monster then flew me above that giant, roaring fire. I'm pretty sure it's intention was to make me into a chestnut roasting on an open fire. As I dangled helpelessly from the reigns the beast rocked back and forth, trying to shake me off into the giant inferno that waited to incinerate me below. As he shook me a few things fell from my belt. One of which was a flask of Alchemist Fire...

...and the other was my gigantic bag of Devilweed.

As the Alchemist flask hit the fire it bursted, sending forth a massive firespout that reached up and singed both myself and the flying Reindeer. Fortunately I was protected from Fire due to a magical enhancement upon my cloak. The Reindeer, however, was not so protected, and a gout of fire roasted it's underbelly, sending the beast flying away in pain...

..but not before the bag of Devilweed hit the roaring fire, and with the assistance of the explosion from the alchemist flask a gout of smoke bellowed upwards and outwards, quickly covering the entire pasture in a foul-smelling green mist.

Oh yeah. I knew that smell. I smoked enough of the stuff to know that this magical fire wasn't the only thing that was going to be lit this holiday season. The smoke enveloped the area so thick that you couldn't see through it.....unless you were me.

My mask is called a Mask of the Shinobi. It filters out and allows one to see through nonmagical smoke. This makes using smokebombs in battle a boon for me. The mask has several other magical enhancements, but this is the only one that mattered for right now. The smoke wasn't going to choke or impede me...

...the Reindeer weren't so lucky. The sudden blast of smoke that shot upwards struck the beast in the face. The beast inhaled, deeply, due to the pain of the burn. Inebriated from the sudden smoke inhalation the beast quickly landed, throwing me into the soft snow below before crash-landing rather violently, throwing up motes of snow. I got to my feet and began to maneuver my way through the thick cloud, trying to hide before the "Big Man" took notice. The large crash from the landing reindeer was sure to attract lots of unwanted attention. Boy it did.

It started when the Reindeer began accidentally headbutting each other. I could hear the crash of horn on horn as they started to panic. Then I heard the yelling of elves as several of them ran into the smoke, bravely trying to calm down the panicking animals. For about two minutes I heard their panic as I hid behind a snow mound. The smoke slowly started to dissipate.

When the smoke vanished I saw a most humorous sight. All of the Reindeer were laying on their sides, snoring peacefully. The Elves that had walked into the inferno were sitting on the ground, mellow as could be. Then I saw the Alpha Male. The beast now had completely blood-shot eyes to go right along side his glowing crimson nose. The entire pasture was littered with the bodies of Deer and Elf alike. None of them dead, thankfully, or at least I hoped not...

It wasn't long before others from the Factory ran out to examine their fallen comrades. Shortly after I saw the man's door open and the Big Man himself walk out, rushing towards the pasture.

"What's going on here!?" the Big Man demanded.

"We have a problem, Sir!" yelled one of the Elves frantically "Both our Chief Engineers AND the Reindeer are as baked as a gingerbread house! They've ingested so much they'll never be ready for the Big Night!"

"Dear Gods, what's that smell!?" said one of the Elves, waving his hand in front of his face.

"Devilweed..." said the Big Man as he sniffed the air. "There's only one man in the world I know who carries enough potent Devilweed to cause this much chaos....but I have to see for sure. TO THE SCRYING SHEETS!"

Curiously I followed. What I saw next was a sight to behold. A giant wall made of ice. The surface of the wall had been polished to a mirror-like sheen. As the sun struck the wall of ice the reflection brightened up the entire area. The Big Man walked up to the giant wall and placed his hand upon it. He then stared directly into the Mirror and uttered a name:

"Geist von Mitternacht!" the Big Man yelled out. As he did the bright reflection of light upon the wall began to grow darker, and darker, and darker. It coalesced together and it formed a shape. A humanoid shape. My shape....I sat there staring at an image of myself. He was wearing my clothing, and he was in the snow. Wait a minute...this was happening right now!! That was me, staring over the horizon at the Fat Man and his Elven minions! The Fat Man turned and gazed directly at me, a scowl upon his face as he stared me down with contempt.

"So...it is you. Geist von Mitternacht. You have been close to the top of my naughty list for a very long time. So what brings you to the North Pole, Geist? What brings you into the domain of Santa Clause?"

"I've come for you, KLAUS, because I will not allow you to keep these people as slaves!!"
I yelled at him as I slid down the ravine and drew my weapons.

"Slaves? Boy, what the Hells are you talking about!?" I didn't even answer before I sent a bolt from my magical crossbow flying his way. Just before the bolt struck him right between the eyes the man raised his hand....and snatched it in mid-air. "Klaus" merely chuckled.

"Son, I see you when you're sleeping. I know when you're awake. I know if you've been bad or good...so just be good, for Goodness sake!"

My eyes went wide. How the hell did somebody THAT big have reflexes THAT fast!? It was almost as if....he saw it coming. I drew forth one of my magical daggers and threw it at him, aiming for his neck. The old man, almost as if by sheer instinct, swiped the blade away mid-air with a display of supernatural celerity. Two more daggers flew his way, both with the same result. How the hell does he move this fast!?

"Oh Geist..." the old man laughed. I have already foreseen the outcome of this battle. Every possible occurence. Every possible future. And in all of them...you cannot defeat Father Christmas."

He was right. It was like he could see everything I was going to do. It was almost as if these magical Scrying Sheets gave him insight into the future.

The Scrying Sheets!! They were the source of his clairvoyance!! I had to lure him away from the source of his power, but how!? And even if I formulated a plan he would just see the results beforehand...

...unless, perhaps, those results were random!? It was worth a try, maybe he couldn't predict something unpredictable!? So I improvised. I reached into my magical pouch and drew from it a random grenade...which I threw in a random direction: Straight up.

The wind caught the grenade and carried it towards the Scrying Sheets. It appeared that I was right: The Fat Man had a look on his face that gave it away. A look of surprise. He truly didn't see this coming. After all: you can't surprise a man who can, supposedly, see the future.

"NO!" he yelled as the Grenade struck the Scrying Sheet and exploded, sending a massive crack up it's side. As the foundation of the ice sheet began to give way I slipped into what few Shadows were in the area to conceal myself, hoping that by being robbed of his magical clairvoyance it would hinder other sights as well. The Old Man turned back to look at me and began scanning the horizon. This was good..it meant that I could hide from him. For now at least.

"What have you done, you idiot!? You've ruined the Holidays! Without the Scrying Sheets I won't be able to create the final list of children!"

"Precisely. No list of children for you. You won't be able to enslave them or devour them like the others.."

"...What others, you idiot!? What the hell are you talking about!?"

"YOU EAT THEM, YOU MONSTER!!! GAHHH!!!!" I yelled as I charged the Fat Man. My eyes were full of rage as I leaped at him, weapons drawn, clearly catching him by surprise. But just as I was almost near him, almost ready to pierce his heart with my blades, a volley of arrows came whooshing past my head. I disengaged and rolled just in time to notice an entire platoon of elves shooting at me with their bows! I looked at them stupefied as I yelled their way:

"Why do you defend him!? He has made you slaves!! He eats your Children!" I bellowed at them. They all lowered their weapons.

"...What in the Hells are you talking about!!? Oh gods, you've been smoking that stuff again, haven't you? We're not Slaves you idiot! You should SEE our Benefits Package!"

It dawned on me all of a sudden. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. These Elves weren't slaves...they were employees. And they weren't building weapons, there was no Smithy, there were no anvils. No. These Elves...they were making TOYS!

My eyes went wide as I lowered my weapons. Then my face began to turn just as red as "Klaus'" suit. I heard an uproarious laughter. A laughter as hearty as I had ever heard.

"HO! HO! HO! You've been duped, son! Who the hell hired you anyway!?"

I began to recount the story. About Noel, about being teleported here, about the giant Snowman and my encounter with the red-nosed flying Deer. Everything. The old man laughed, heartily, as I gave him all of the details.

He went on to explain everything. About how he was a being who bore the mantle of "Father Christmas". A mantle that was passed along every few centuries. The Elves were contracted as labor by the thousands, but they were in no way slaves. They earned a very fair wage, with very tolerable working conditions, two weeks paid vacation, holiday bonuses, and all of the hot cocoa and gingerbread they could ever want.

He went on to explain that the scrying sheets were an ancient artifact fueled by the Magic that was natural to this region. The Scrying Sheets allowed him to keep his eyes on every man, woman, and child on the Prime Material. The Scrying Sheets also would glow either red or blue as they scanned someone, indicating their moral alignment. The Scrying Sheets would also magically inscribe upon a list a list of names whether or not the person was "Naughty", or "Nice."

This was, perhaps, the most interesting thing I had ever seen in my life. As the man showed me around the workshop and showed me his operation I was astounded that such a thing could exist. But then again, why not? We lived in a world with Dragons, and Demons, and Beholders, and Mind Flayers, and Gods...so why not a magic man who delivered presents to good people?

The man gazed upon the Scrying Sheets, after using a bit of magic to repair it, and then spoke the name "Noel." The silver-haired Elf appeared within the mirror....and the mirror glowed a deep red that made moot the glow of the Deer's nose, whom they call called "Rudolph" or "Rudy."

"I know this Aura..." said the Old Man. "My first comrade....and my worst mistake."

I gazed upon "Noel" as her form begin to shift. She transformed from the lovely Elven lass I had come to know into a monstrous beast. She grew antlers, not unlike those of a Deer, and upon her sides grew a matted white fur. Her eyes glowed a deep, crimson red, and magical chains fell to it's side as it took on masculine features. The Monster exhaled smoke from his nose and a deep, guttural laughter echoed around Him.

"Krampus..." said the Old Man. "Dammit all. I would take care of this, but I've only got one night until the Big Night..."

The Old Man, Father Christmas, gazed upon me with a smile. His eyes lit up as he gazed down upon me with a look that could only mean mischief.

"So tell me, Geist..." the old man inquired of me "....how about one last Job for the Holidays?"

"Klaus" I responded.

"....I thought you'd never ask!!!"

END!!!