A heartbroken departure. DM Hera

[DM Hera]

Being a DM and aiding tales of players has always been a fondest joy for me. Creativity is something I look forward to and role-play is just a great outlet for it. I got to work with fantastic crowd of players and the stories weaved always left me wanting more. Being removed from a team is a hard feeling to explain, it is shock with anger, even a mystery of why me. Below is the letter I received to inform me of my release from the community.

Hi Hera,

As you've probably noticed, you have been removed from the DM team group. Unfortunately, even after repeated talks and PMs, you have not been able to find a way to get along with the others on staff.

In the past two weeks you've generated three complaints against you from staff (covering multiple staff groups), and one complaint against you from a player. This is in addition to the multitude of earlier complaints, after each of which you were talked to, and after each of which there was little or no noticeable improvement in your interactions with others.

I don't think I have to tell you that you're an excellent DM. You do good work, you're very active, and your plots are fun. Your pro-player approach to things is refreshing and fully in line with my own philosophies when I was a DM.

That's what's kept us from making this decision for so long. And that's what makes this decision so difficult. You are a great DM.

Unfortunately, you've also become a drag on team morale, and you're causing more harm overall to the DM team and its efforts to engage players than you are providing good, by yourself, in your own efforts to engage players. To be fair, the complaints against you also touch on favoritism, abuse of power, bullying, player abuse, and deception (intentional and through information withholding), but when it boils down to it, in the end, I think the root of all of the issues is that you just don't really get along with others. You seem to make things personal, and are not respectful towards those who disagree with you.

If you'd like to appeal this decision, I can give you a more complete list of complaints for you to answer or address. But ultimately, our decision was not so much based on the complaints (though some were more serious than others) as it was based on the fact that you make so many people around you unhappy, anxious, or dispirited. Ultimately, your continued presence on staff does more harm than good.

Which saddens me, because, again, I do believe that you did do a lot of good. But after repeatedly being asked to get along with others by the Head DMs, Endelyon, and myself, it's become clear that you're just not the right personality for the job. This is a team-based job.

I'm personally kind of hoping this removal comes as a relief to you, because I find it hard to believe that you're having much fun as a DM lately either. If anything, you seem like you're at war with everyone else on staff, barring one or two people who you do seem to get along with. But if you'd like to appeal, again, we will hear you out and discuss it with you. It's just hard to believe you'll find a way to get along better with everyone else at this point in time ...

Best,
Maecius

What hurts the most perhaps is this line for the reasoning

To be fair, the complaints against you also touch on favoritism, abuse of power, bullying, player abuse, and deception (intentional and through information withholding),

What these complaints where I do not know, they where never told me, never shown to me, and nor was I allowed to refute them. I often took the stance of dont refute, accept and just do what they ask.

Though the main reason is my issues with fellow staff.

In the past two weeks you've generated three complaints against you from staff (covering multiple staff groups), and one complaint against you from a player. This is in addition to the multitude of earlier complaints, after each of which you were talked to, and after each of which there was little or no noticeable improvement in your interactions with others.

I have been a DM sense Oct 04, 2016, I ran frequently, nearly daily some weeks. In all that time from this community I only generated that one recent player complaint. I do not even know what that complaint is, or about.

The Staff is a different issue. I assure you the differences are with a small minority as the staff here for the most part is wonderful, supportive of each other and a good group to be around. I admit when I do work, I am a bit of harsh woman to say it nicely. That is because I want to get things done. Though more so I came to dm'ing with a philosophy, this inventably put me in conflict with a few. This is directly from my application I sent when I sought a place at the DM table.

"Always Consider Yes"

'Always Consider Yes' is a theory I have in DMing, when a player wants to do something my first response is never no. No is so negative it can set a player back, and im not saying No isnt sometimes necessary. Even if the idea is insane, or should be impossible, even flat out denied, I take a pause and think "maybe" what is "the yes here". There is a possibility the player didn't fully explain their thought process yet, and just saying no can dishearten a person from being creative or feeling active in the community. There is the possibility I did not understand them and why should I deny the player if its my fault? So instead I think, Maybe yes, but lets ask questions and see what their goal is, or what they are considering. Maybe illustrate the restrictions why it would be denied before flatly doing so. While I know some think valuable time would be taken up, I feel just considering yes, is only a minute more and worth the time. Where here for the player not ourselves.

I do not know any dm who has successfully appealed a removal, I know some who have come back after time. Though to lose a good wingman like DM Creo is an extra blow, he helped keep me grounded and was always willing to hop into the client to aid any DM.

My ending words would be to remind everyone, if there is a DM you like, make sure not only they know it, but the Admins know it. They get all the bad sent to them, how are they to know the good if we are quiet.

Thank you for the wonderful times, I will miss you all.

Hera

[Israe]

I'm heartbroken to see you go too Hera, and hope you stick around on the server. TY for the transparency, because players that you do interact with often can't help but question if it is partially their fault.

You should appeal it, and hope for the best. The community response to both yourself and Creo is overwhelmingly positive, and I can personally refute that disagreeing with you was an easy experience for me (The blue knight incident.)

You took the time out to explain why it happened, what was happening, and it made sense. You didn't get mad that I questioned you or short with me. The DM team is the side of staff with the most interaction with the players, and the loss of you and Creo is a huge blow to the playerbase as well. I wish you the best of the luck, and at least try to appeal it :/

[Laughingman]

I think I only ever saw one of your events but I think it was pretty good. With Lobo, apparently Creo(?), and yourself gone now I think the staff is having a problem retaining talent.

On the bright side you will have time to play once again.

[DM Lobo]

Knowing how the DM team works, I suspect this will be locked / removed soon.


I have nothing but admiration for you Mal, for having the balls to do what you have done. As I have tried to point out so many times before we have so many holes in our democracy system that is leaves a lot of room for abuse.

DM Hera was another amazing trooper and did so much work admin side on the forums it is uncanny she poured through 100s of player requests, ensured players got responces and always was on time with everything she planned with the player. She often did all this work alone as well to boot, and you guys will not believe the work she took on singlehandedly forum side.

DM Hera was also a strong and healthy source of reason for a lot of DM related chats on the forum end and I am sad to see her go. She stopped a lot of chaos in her tracks as well (in my view) as some unfair punishments to fellow players. We have spoken briefly on Skype about this Hera, I do hope you decide to stay player side - but I understand the pain you feel (I went through it twice) it helped me to take a break, come back with a fresh mind.

Whatever happens next Hera, I wish you the best of luck in the future. I always enjoyed our little rants

[Moltrazahn]

A lot of familiar Names failing from the staff today .

Thank you for what you've done in your time as DM, the event's you've performed, and the Roleplay you've generated. It will be missed. As already stated, I hope you can find it in you to stay player-side, even if this leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

[Calodan]

Peace be the journey. You will be missed.

[Akroma666]

Adding to that list..

Bloodlust, Lobo, Creo, and now Hera...

Thanks for all you have done Hero, i found you strong willed, in no way confrontational. Just a different turn of phrase. While I never got to experience your events, i do hope to see you player side. You did nothing wrong.

As a forum moderator, i refuse to take this down. You deserve full transparency.

I quit.

[Rhifox]

Very sorry to hear this. I really enjoyed your events. Thank you for all the work you put in.

[Laughingman]

As a forum moderator, i refuse to take this down. You deserve full transparency.

I quit.

[DM Lobo]

I did try to point this poo storm of a system before, and tried to point out the damage it can do. The admin team will no doubt swiftly come in and lock this thread and brush all this under the carpet, as they always do.

I want to copy in an email I wrote a while ago which touches up nicely all the points;

The bottom line is this. Cases like this will not go away if we do not take a serious look at how the show is run. This applies to the community as much as it does the DM team.

Hey ****,

I welcome your feedback and have a lot of respect that you came forward to me, my email was not supposed to be an attack on DM Ditto or the HDM or even the admin team -- I said from the start I am not claiming 100% innocence in this and have accepted the removal. The reason those names come up a lot here is because, ultimately - they run the show.

It is important to note thatit is easy to write me off as the bad boy of the team, always getting into trouble and thus everything I say has no merit. Alternately, it can be seen I am simply being dismissive as I was 'caught out' and am simply playing the part of a troll or an upset former staff member. Non of this is true, I speak out because I am not on the team anymore - I have nothing to lose, not anymore. I love the community of BG (as I have said multiple times) but I will say this: Having gone down the roads I have gone down, I do believe I am fully qualified to bring up the topics I did, as I have been to places of the DM team you will probably (and hopefully) never will.

You skipped over all the points I made in my email that I wanted to bring forward. Our system is not perfect and has a lot of room for abuse.

Favoritism

Hidden: show

Here is one example, 'favortisum' -- by definition it refers to giving a player or group of players a bigger edge over other players. By default we can not host for our player guild, and I respect that - but what if you have 3 or 4 alts in 3 or 4 guilds? That excludes a big chunk of the server.

The term 'favoritism' does not seem to have a solid defination here on BG, is it fair to say hosting for a select few individuals can be counted as such? That's basically what storylines are, I was diverting my attention here and there, but what about everyone else? If there is any consistency to that definition, it's promoting DMs to do one-shot events, for if they spend most of their effort constructing a storyline (which is what most players want) they would find themselves in violation of the very same thing I was guilty of. I am aware in the past DMs have broken these terms in epic levels - but did I really? Can you honestly say, in full truth - that I was? And if so (based on these terms) then so is ****, so is **** -- and ****, who hosted for only ****** for several years. Is that fair?

The more noise you create as a DM, the more attention you get. And thus you become a bigger target and expose yourself to bigger dangers - thus it is easier to do less instead of more'

If I only hosted once a week, and if I only logged in to say Hi -- I dare say I would still be on the team. This is what our system is prompting. When someone like (I am not the first or the last) me comes a long with big ideas and plans -- we have difficulty settling, where lesser ambitious DMs, don't. It is not something I pulled out my bottom, that is fact - DMs who have big ideas or goals here either fall in line with the rest of the team or end up getting removed. Yes I know DMs on the team who feel this way, and you have to ask - Is this really what we want to be prompting?

Disciplinary Procedure

Hidden: show

I am the most qualified to answer this - as I have gone through it twice. It is not defined or made clear. We have no defined system in place that clearly outlines what counts - one DM can break the DM Code of conduct and be given a warning, another DM could be kicked. There is no concentricity. We should, at the very least make the foundations solid (and the same) for everyone - based on a strike system where we are given chances to react instead of getting 'Sneak attacked' boom - off the team. Goodbye. At the moment it is based on the overall opinion of the HDM team.

Lets say the HDMs vote not to bring me back (like ****, who voted No) but I win by popular vote, can you honestly tell me that with no clear guidlines that this does not have room for abuse? The HDMs have the power, and it is very easy (with this system) if they wanted to - to remove any said DM by plucking from the strings. I am serious. I do not hate DM Ditto - and for the record she made a huge effort to help me out for the first 7 days -- then stopped and it felt like I was the one making the effort. The HDM team look through figures and facts and make a judge ruling if you are to be kept or not on the team. But for arguments sake, lets say DM Leeroy was hated by the HDM team (for whatever reasons) how fair do you think the chat they have would be vs a similar guy - on good terms with the HDM team in the same boat? Bare in mind, you will never see the chat they had, it is private. If Leeroy was working with you in a big plot -- too bad, his gone. Would it not be better to have a system based on strikes, with clear -- and documented violations and not based off a 20 min skype chat, in private between the HDMs? Do you not think that the current system not only makes us less of a team but can openly ruin, or even make the lives of the remaining DMs worse -- furthermore, said DMs involved with now removed DM would not even be told why, or what was going on. Is that fair?

What about my events (now left unfinished) the players involved now cut off completely - does this prompt a healthy community, a healthy DM team? I can assure you 100% that gossip of my removal is spreading, and not from my hand. It is a result of this system. No chance to address or talk about the problems is granted. One day, Aureus you could simply end up off the team over night, with no warning - this happend to me - twice. And it summarizes the chaos which is our disciplinary system. I would argue it is better to address the issues if and when they come, as a team and talk though with the DM. Not wait for the list to stack up then send out an email saying 'goodbye' with no time or notice.

Probation Terms

Hidden: show

or as I like to call it 'isolation terms' We do this for players, and we do this for DMs, I know **** went through a similar thing to me -- and it destoryed his motivation. Let me tell you, Aureus - nothing makes it harder to work as part of a team when you are told (openly) that you are not trusted by the HDM team. That I am, essentially a bad person who has to prove I am willing to be good by dropping on new rules just for you. You know how demorlizing and counterproductive that is? The damage it does to the wellbeing of a player or a DM.

You can argue it is 'to help make you better' -- but in reailty it pushes them further away. I believe, firmly - if you are going to give a secound chance - you should highlight where they went wrong, give advice and show support. Do you not agree? Because the way the HDMs deal with it is to slap a set of rules on them - tell them they have to become a good person again, and make you feel like an ex-confict. I've been through it. I've spoken to ****, and players who have gone through it. I know what it does, although I understanding the reasoning behind this -- it only serves to alienate and break up the community.

Working as a team

Hidden: show

We do. In some context, but do we really? I would argue the DM team has never really been a 'team' atleast not for a while. Instead we are a group of people who share a room together and opt to only talk to those we trust (within the team) I argued this point last year and I still argue it now. The whole reason Maecuis openend that 'we are a team' thread on the DM forums is because of my removal. If I did not email my appeal to the DM team, no one would have had a clue where I had gone. The HDM and Admin team would have refused to talk about it and everything would be forgotten.

As it was last year.

We accept the status quo because we feel compelled to, that is not teamwork or leadership. That to me, is fear. I would argue our biggest problem is being too scared to come forward with how we feel about the politics and rules of the staff. I know some members of the team have disagreements, yet are scared to come forward - as I was - You do have to ask why. Yet when I point it out -- the truth, *I* am the troll, the bad guy, the criminal; all it does is strengthens my point - why would anyone want to come forward if this was the stigma they had to battle through? Why can my points not be looked through and reviewed? Why host colourful and big events when players send in complaints like this:

DM Lobo was ignoring tells

Yet getting 20 comments like this is enough to warrant a ban? This ignores my above point, the more events you host gives you more exposure -- thus a greater chance of having a slightly disapointed player. Lets look at figures. I hosted 50 events, in one month -- DM Creo, roughly 19. That means I hosted for 350 players in one month -- Creo (based on 7 per event) 133; not even Half of my quota. Bigger numbers means bigger chances for disagreements -- this idea is thrown out the window completely here. It is prompting DMs to do less, not more - for fear of outcomes like mine. For arguments sake lets say 1 in 20 players complains (I use the term loosely) that means I would have 17 complaints and DM Creo 6. Do you see my point here?

You can say I am shifting the blame all you like -- in some ways, I am - but I am only shifting what I believe is wholeheartedly unfair. Our demonocracy has many, many holes, it is not perfect. The purpose of my email was not to offend or attack. It was to highlight the problems I consider to be a big danger to the team, and having seen sides of the DM team most have not I do believe I have a better insight that most in that regard. I emailed this information directly to you - so you can see it - draw your own views and thoughts - instead of keeping everything all secret and hush-hush, as would happen if I did not.

Please don't feel like I am attacking you in any way, I'm not I would welcome your thoughts on anything I have outlined above. I do try to see things from all sides and admit to my failures. I did break the DM code of conduct once, and I did give out an epic axe without HDM approval - and I have accepted these two reasons for my removal.

Besides, it hampers team spirit, and that seems to be a bit low already lately.

This is my point. You have to break it down and ask: why is team spirit low? What is going on? If I kept silent and faded into the mist without saying a word - I dare say - the DM team (who voted me in) would have even lower moral. They wouldn't know where I went.

The foundation of the DM team could be stronger. We are lacking trust and it is pushing us apart. I did make a post on this a few weeks ago - if you remember, but nothing came of it. In the end I just want what is best for BG, as I always have.

[aaron22]

Very hard to see the amazing talents like hera, creo, and some time ago lobo go. What pains me the most is I wished I would have been in more events lead by them and now knowing it cannot be hurts. Every dm is different. The stories they weave have a signature their own. I will miss them and thank you so much for the limited exposure I had with you. I will never forget the brief moments of attention you gave me hera. If I list top 5 moments in my year in the server. The small discussion we had may have meant little to you and was something you do everyday, but it was top 5 for me. Can't thank you enough. Honestly wishing you the best.

[SBlack]

Over the years I've mainly only have positive experiences with Mac. We've in rare times been at odds, but that will happen between adults. I support him entirely same as mister O on the sigil server who is semi-retired.

I personally am rather annoyed that you or anyone else is disparaging mac's reputation. Despite our small differences, he is a good dude. Mac and I aren't personal friends, yet I still find myself insulted. Don't drag his name through the mud, he's the best thing that ever happened to this server IMO.

[taintedseraphim]

I've been here a little over a month now. In that time Lobo and Hera both went out of their way to help me feel welcome, to incorporate me into rp on the server. Now both of them are gone, and it saddens me greatly as both were quite part of the reason myself and those who came with me to this server stayed. Thank you both for the fun and the welcome you gave. It is greatly appreciated.

[K'yon Oblodra]

Hey Hera,

thanks for letting us know.

I didn't get to deal with you but I have to say the yes approach is great, I try to take this into consideration as much as possible it is something I learned in theatre classes in school and it is really helpful in getting more creativity going as a no just completely stops things in their tracks.

Sorry to see all this happening and the reasoning behind it while understandable are sad ones anyway...

[Nyeleni]

Another good one leaving us. This is a sad day indeed. Thank you for your service. Greatly appreciated.