Love is everything. Love is what makes life worth living. As a priestess of Selune,
part of my vows is to "Trust in Selune’s radiance, and know that all love alive under her light shall know her blessing". Part of the vows I undertook when becoming a full member of the Halls of Inner Light, as a Moontouched priestess of Selune, was to help foster the growth of love and especially new loves, and I am determined to do so. In fact, I've already been taking a few steps for some.

I had a diamond carved into a flawless rose, then had it anchored upon a grey marble pedestal. Upon this I had engraved a lovely poem I had written. This I gave to Cosimo and Alexandra, with my most honest and sincere hopes that the love they've managed to find between them continues to flourish and bring them both unending peace and joy. He was quite visibly moved and she wrote me a very sweet note of thank you for it. I know that she harbors much hard feelings towards me and likely still distrusts me but I meant what I said when I wrote the words that stated my hopes their love be eternal like the diamond and as thorn free as the rose there is forever. She will see that love can conquer hate, and that I simply want the best for them both, for the past is done with and is best left there, though it is what brought us to where we are now, and where she and I are is where we were meant to be, and we are all happy where we are.

To further my desire of spreading love and joy to others, I've decided to do something that is admittedly a touch for myself. I've been quietly evolving my love of alchemy into a bit of perfume making. Getting the base alcohol for it wasn't hard; potatoes are plentiful and easily make a vodka that can be used for such. The floral essences does take much more work, as does gathering other components such as vanilla, sandalwood, cederwood, ylang ylang, and others. I'm already working on branching out into cosmetics and bath oils, but for now, the first bottles of my "Midnight in the Mooshaes" are being produced. The Darius Brothers might help me distribute it! Oh, that reminds me that I have to get that proposal written up and sent to Luke. Aiyee. I swear they're going to find just one red curl sticking out of a stack of paperwork one day.

Love, however is going to make me take an entire day off, for in one day, it will be one full month since my Fingal and I began dating. Goddess, it seems like we've always been together.
Ever since that night on the beach, when we laid on the blanket, both all dressed up in our fanciest outfits and just talked while watching the stars overhead, we've been inseparable. I was afraid, truth be told, of opening to him. I'd heard the rumors, had my own serious self doubts and did not know if it would be possible for either of us to connect. And yet...and yet for some reason that night on the beach, way out where the wreckage of ships were but phantoms lurking off the shore watching us and the stars held court overhead, we both lowered our masks and dropped our defenses and we were simply honest with each other. We spoke of the mistakes we'd made, and of the pain we'd both caused others and of what we'd endured and of all the things those who feel the first spark of a connection speak of when they're testing it but of yet are too unsure if they wish to feel the full voltage of it. I'd thought still he was not serious and then he spoke of the first time he met me and I was left speechless.

He had remembered me, even though I hadn't known that was him. A simple, chance meeting, brief and unforgettable to the two of us but for very different reasons, and yet he remembered me and I had not known it was him nor that he had remembered me from my very first few days here. That did it. I took him seriously and allowed myself to risk my heart again. He isn't afraid to love me, nor of me loving him. He is able to stand up to me and make me listen when the tempest inside me brews and reaches a climatic frenzy.

Most of all, in those moments when I'm most afraid of losing him, of losing everything,
he's able to with a word or a look, erase all of that as if those fears never existed at all. There has been only one time I tried to run, to fall back into my old habit of fleeing and hiding away when I'm overwhelmed and need space to breathe. I got as far as the door and realized I couldn't breathe. I...I don't know what happened. I simply couldn't breathe then. I vaguely recall turning to hold the sofa to keep from toppling over and then suddenly I felt his powerful arms around me, and him drawing me back against his chest. His scent, that evocative scent of wine and leather and -him-, was all encompassing and his warm breath fell against my ear as he whispered "Now why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, my love? I'm never letting you go, and if you run, I will follow you. I will teleport all over and I will find you because you are my everything."

Right then, I knew without doubt or hesitation that I was meant to go through everything I had experienced in my life up to this point just so I could fully appreciate and love him as he deserves and I am so grateful to Selune and Sune for such. Tomorrow is going to be a full day of me showing both them and him just how grateful I am. Now...to get packing for his surprised. I've a few more things to collect for it, and then the boat to rent. This time, definitely not falling asleep on desk sunbathing. Ouch.

Twice this card has come up. Once it was given to me by someone, with the person stating it is me. The second was today, when I did a self reading. Curious. I've been returning to my base foundation. I've stopped running from the Maiden and accepted her full desire for me. My love of research and yes, even my former focus in conjurations has been renewed and is being studied again. I almost...-almost-...feel as I did when I first stepped off that boat and actually held such high hopes for this place.

Duty calls more to me of late, and I find myself far more interested in that than the trivial pastimes of many. I do not understand the concept of ingesting copious amounts of alcohol to the point you lose control of one's ability to act rationally or be in control of one's self. I know it is in part related to why I tried to fight against the visions, of why I tried to not fully embrace Selune's path for me.

I can't be like her. The very thought of being drunk sickens me, and watching others become that way...it scares me. Fingal, bless his heart, tried to change that but I saw how quickly he'd reach for the hard stuff when he was upset or stressed. A person can't change for you; they have to change for themselves. He tried, but he always believed himself nothing more than a "Luskan drunk", even though I saw and still see far greater things in him, and nothing could change that but him. Duty drove us apart, but he will always have a friend in me. The drink though...goddess would that I could I'd love to see it all rendered to water.

She drank. Almost every coin she earned on her back or that I brought home from cleaning up the vomit of those who indulged too much at whatever tavern I could beg for work went to purchase that foul poison.So much drink that at times she did not know who I was. Sometimes, she'd say a name,"Roderick", or she'd look at me and weep, warning me of "The Curse of the Moon", the visions she had that no drink no drug could drown out. My mother was a Seer, an oracle, but she broke under the weight and stress of being able to see things both past and future. I tried to fight my own visions, tried to prevent them and begged the Moonmaiden to not send me them. Such a thing, however, was never up for my decision. To serve Her means to serve all aspects, and by trying to deny that one part, I was not fulfilling my duty to her.

In full truth...I am still afraid of them. I still see Polvich's face, with those flames that created the cauldron and the Twins lighting the room and casting shadows and flames over his skull face. Lich. And with him, the witch, the hag that created the Twins upon his command.
The two of them, radiating so much evil and malice that even now I still cannot close my eyes to sleep without seeing the two of them. I...I fear I will never get that image out of my mind. To see another akin to that could very well break me for good.

This trip to Selune's Bracelet has acerbated the night terrors even more, and I fear it's made my temper far more shorter than normal. its not their fault. They don't understand. They can't understand. I know Selune showed me I am to take that cauldron there, even gracing my face with a tear that dripped onto my bracelet, and this in front of Nixidea and Cosimo. They saw it too. They don't know, however, something else. I won't be returning from that specific trip unchanged. I already feel the changes beginning, but I dare not speak to any on it. It is much like a cocoon found upon a branch, and yet you do not know if what is inside will open to reveal the magnificent colors of a butterfly, or if it might be opened to reveal it naught but a dried husk after all.

Moonsong products is coming along faster than I thought it would. I'm so excited. Me,
creating a company and one that is going to help fund a charity as well as help those in the company. I can't even thank Luke enough for helping me with this. We might squabble and not see eye to eye on things at times but I will always see him as a big brother and I will always defend him. Now, if my studying of the stars can only come about as easily.

Alexander, my beloved Stone, was so very right; I should never be tamed, nor should I ever try to change myself again for anyone. He loves me still, this I know for he says it without any hesitation but...he is a paladin and duty will always come first. I knew this from the start and I foresaw his destiny approaching at a speed that would not allow us for much time together. The time we had, however, shall always remain so very cherished to me. There are so many things I could say about him, for he is so many things to me, still and in the future. But for those of us who serve a deity, duty comes first. Duty is everything. Duty is life.

That man...so many things I wish to say about him but I think for now this shall suffice:

“He was both everything I could ever want…
And nothing I could ever have…”

For now, I must venture back out into those tumultuous lands, for I am in search of something for my new sister Athea, a rare item but one I know she will be most touched to receive. May the goddess bless me in this quest.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Tenants I must adhere to. Must add them to list of reflections. Not right now. They call to me and I must dance, for even within the darkness that tries to surround us all, there must be a light of hope to shine through. If they come again while I am out there...

So busy now. So much to prepare and complete. Sometimes only the crunching of the snow underneath my boots seems to calm me. My night walks with Htag ground me. This is my chance now, my time to show who and what I am. I cannot fail...

So much has been happening, I've scarcely had time to put quill to parchment.

Polivch was thought to have been destroyed but whispers have it he's been seen again.Please, Selune, no. I've just started to be able to dream without his face appearing before my mind's eyes. The lands deserve to be free without his foul taint upon them. May your light shine down and reveal this just a mistake, gossip that is false.

The Mother has answered my prayers and sent several more Selunites into the area,as well as the return of Brother Taron (How I've missed him. His insight, his dry sense of humor, and yes, even his "Lady, I do not think it wise for you to run ahead and get yourself harmed so that I must go after you and heal you" comments).

Huni is a true ray of light; always seeing the good in others, always energetic and ready to share ideas. She is also so outgoing and desirous of helping others, and one who doesn't let her own pain jade her outlook on life.

Tess is Silverstar, a specialized class of the faith, one who trains more in the martial arts. I fear that her choice to engage in an affair with the married Michael Dunn will come back to haunt her one day, but it was her choice to make. By rights I should have kicked her from the Halls for that but...I have reasons to not do so. Within her is a steadfast determination to fight the darkness that is plaguing the lands, and that is so vitally needed now. Not only that, but the ones that former Moonlady Shandril and I had to face...they are back. Those of us who protect the light in the name of the Night White Lady must stand together now, for our sister sacrificed much previously in battle with those two and we must never allow that sacrifice to be for naught, nor let their malevolence spread.

I have begun divining again, after giving myself a much needed rest from it. Being an oracle,you do not have control over what visions you are given nor when you see them. Dreams,premonitions, or even the pattern of the tea leaves in your cup all might have meaning that you alone see and others will snicker about or face you with complete disdain. I faced such over my visions of Polivch and the cauldron, as well as those I had of Adelaide and her return, though all of them proved to be true. I will admit I am a bit nervous after the last vision left me so weak and with my nose bleeding and those hours missing, but I know it is my calling and I cannot keep hiding from it.

Cosimo has left the coast for good. My first love and my first heartbreak. The last words we spoke to each other healed all the scars of the past, and made it clear that through the trials and tribulations we shared together, especially the transformations and events we endured due to the False Child, we will always share a bond of kinship. While anything romantic has long since died for the both of us, no other can understand what occurred after being exposed to that ancient magic but the two of us, as well as those dark days that followed when we both had lost our magic and he had lost sweet Malane.

I did agree to a request of his; I've finally begun to embrace the changes that began over the summer, no longer fighting that which I feel myself becoming. Velek has observed my casting,and after hearing the words that I spoke without even knowing where they, has come to believe that the False Child explosion awakened a long dormant strain of my lineage, and that lineage being that of the storm giant. It is why I channel lightning so naturally and easily, and explains so much more. When Velek returns, we will delve into more in this area.

For now, I will be attempting to engage in this thing Adallan seems determined to teach me,this "Taking life one day at a time and enjoying the moment". Hrm. Far more difficult that it sounded originally. I keep finding myself wishing to plan things ahead and from several different potential outcomes. Seems the Red Knights I've spoken with previously have rubbed off on me. Relaxation...still a thing I must master one day.

The Spine of the World. Kald spoke of it once during a game of Tonk. I'd met a barbarian from there long ago as well. Both agreed it was a land of equaled beauty and danger,where strength is vital for survival and at night, the sky displays the most kaleidoscopic,enchanting display of colored lights seen no where else.

Of late, while I rest and recover from the assault, I find my mind wandering and picturing myself, bundled up in white tiger fur, watching those lights upon some remote part of those jagged, unforgiving peaks.If I close my eyes, I can imagine the sting of the wind's caress against my cheeks, even feel its bitter cold seeping into my body and filling my joints with an excruciating ache, though admittedly this latter is easy to do of late. Wren knows what happened that night,when the drow slit our throats, laughing and mocking as our life's blood began to color the stones of the bridge. She knows what I did after coming to in the Ilmater temple and choking out both blood and river water from where those black hearted filth had thrown us.

Rokh doesn't know what it cost me to perform his resurrection, both his and Wren's...what I will never get back. I told Wren though, for she would have noticed the changes. I gave up some of my own essence to try and bring them back. I feel continually colder now, and the headaches come much more frequently. I am still so very weak, and I know that I will never be as strong as I once was. I gladly surrendered some of that in the attempt to call the two back from the Veil. Selune has a plan for all of us, and I know She will lead me along mine soon enough.

The scar encircling my throat will always be there as well, though I will not bear it with shame. For me, it is a sign that I am a survivor, a fighter through and through, and perhaps one day, when I do find myself up on that ledge watching those northern lights, the wind will see this and pass me by.