The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

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Balthomer
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The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Sat May 04, 2019 4:05 pm

Mirtul, 4 1355

It's been 3 days since I arrived on Sshamath, I have met many Illythirii, jalils and jaluks, some friendly, some not so friendly, this city is so different from Menzobarranzan, so different that I thought about lowering my guard for a moment, but I soon discovered this is not the place to do so, though it's refreshing to know that not everyone is a spider kisser, I must be very careful, so far keeping a low profile seems to be the best choice I have.

So much has happened on these few days, this journal is a way for me to not lose my sanity, since there are so many things that I just can't tell anyone else, may the Moonmaiden guide me towards my destiny, I no longer fear death, but maybe my life can serve a greater purpose now that I have seen her and I know that she cares for me, this time I will keep my journal with my person at all times.

I cannot believe that I saw her, for a moment I thought that another illythirii was just spying on me and playing a joke...but she knew, she knew who I am, she told me "Trust your heart, not your blood." She made me shed a tear, a tear of happiness, joy and hope, I have never felt this way before, I did not think that I would feel hopeful, here in this place, I am alone, but this does not mean I will stop looking, Quinn is the one I can trust the most so far, makes sense that the one I trust the most is not someone of my same blood, how can I trust another drow, after all they did to me? Does this means I do not trust myself? Of course not, I know how different I am, my scars are proof of this, my scars prove my suffering and my fight, that I am a survivor, that I am not kissing the spider.

The jalils I met, they are so beautiful, yet so dangerous, though I doubt I will ever fall in love again, not like before, not like I used to, some seemed to like me, probably just to use me, which is fine, I dont expect more from drow,I don't know, time will tell, but I have to be very wary still, I have no more space for more scars and Parhlebum, he is no longer here....How I miss you my friend! But this is not the time to dwell on the loss, he did everything he could for me, he died for me, Parhlebum, old friend, your death will not be in vain, love saved me once, you loved me like a son and I loved you like a father...

Is this truly weakness? Even the Moonmaiden told me to hide it, to not display any kindness, to my kind, I have to be wary, I have to listen to my heart, not to my blood....I am so thankful with her, she has blessed me, I will die for her, if that is what she wants from me, I die for her, but if she wants me to live...then I will cling to life! This precious life that costed Parhlebum's his, is now my responsability....I am not alone, she stands with me, and she gives me strength.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Mon May 06, 2019 4:23 am

Mirtul, 5 1355

This one has been meditating and thinking about his encounter with Her, never before seen such beauty, I need to learn more about this mystery, this one cannot believe the lies told about Her at Tier Breche, all I have of her is the promise of Hope and this vision...I know it was Her, it had to be, this faith burns inside me, yet I am ignorant of how to even pray to Her, "Follow your heart, Vuzaer", through the darkness, a light must shine, yet, this kindness must remain hidden, a gift, to be kept, from those who would destroy it, those who keep darkness in their heart, must never touch this Sacred flame, for they will not understand it.

My friend Quinn search for a light, in his mind, to discover what lies forgotten and deep beyond within him, out of his conscious reach, how could I help him? This is very frustrating because this one knows nothing of use, but he hopes that his presence is able to at least help bear the burden of ignorance a bit, at least new memories can replace the old forgotten ones.

May She guide me through these tunnels into the truth, seek a light in the dark, this one needs to work more on how to contact the faithful, the spider kissers are abound and screaming for blood, I escaped them one time at Menzoberranzan but the cost was very high, one that this one is not willing to pay again, so in stealth and secret, the path must be found.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Mon May 06, 2019 9:47 pm

6 Mitrul 1355

More goblins, it seems this time they destroyed an slave caravan, but they did not even loot it, just burned it down and killed everyone and then left. After this, I encountered the jabress Mehbrien, the blue eyed one, the tiefling Zarishka also joined us and we searched the cave for more goblins, it seems that the Quellar is in alert , probably due to the goblin activity.

Their numbers seem to be growing at an alarming rate and it seems that more than one tribe are involved in these shenanigans. I will try to not get too involved directly, but if I can get some information maybe it can mean some gold to the right people...

I hate this place, it's just a bit better than Menzoberranzan, maybe I should go back to Mantol Derith....

I don't know, we will see.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Tue May 07, 2019 12:14 pm

Mirtul 8 1355

This cycle has been strange.

Set up a barriccade on the second floor at the goblin tribe cavern, I took in an old unnocupied room they had and made Conach watch while I was resting and planning my attack.

It is clear to me that the leadership of this goblin tribe is down here and peraphs an answer could be found, yet I realized that I was not alone in these caverns.
I heard fighting...and a very loud voice...and then, a demon spider...I realized that the goblins were the least of usstan problems in this place, I quickly hide behind the wall and tried to watch as much as I could, I realized that I need to run for a hiding place near an exit if things went wrong...I went into one of the goblin resting rooms and closed the door...Then I saw the spider kisser caravan...With them a giant sargtlin, the same one I saw at the tavern the other day, a towering jabbuk, a killing machine.

I wonder what happened to the twins who went with him...Haven't seen them ever since, pity, I hope they didn't die, especially the jalil.

Then, a bigger monster appeared... Image

I wonder what kind of deals this Quellar has made, but it seems they are favored by the Enemy...It is time for me to move, these hunting grounds are too dangerous for me.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Fri May 10, 2019 4:36 pm

10 Mirtul 1355

The Underdark has been a very busy place, especially Gloura's Wing, this faeri is doing really well, and there is no trouble at all, only drow and sometimes other races just drinking, though the other day two drow were having a dispute, apparently they are rivals, they both drew their weapons but just stared at teach other, I was feeling a little bored and suggested maybe they could take it outside an have honorable one on one combat, since I doubted Gloura's would like to deal with such petty matters herself.

I saw how The Drow with the Hat and Boots with Spurs was being very thrilled by this, so I walked up to him to tell him something about the situation, but then I heard a voice, very low, very muffled behind all the other higher voices on the tavern , I did not see who said this and I am not sure I recognized the voice, since it was just a whisper, but I clearly heard someone say "Honor? Why not just slice his throat"... This put me on edge and I realized how dangerous this place was becoming, then, I saw her, she entered the tavern gracefully and with pride, measuring each step carefully and gracefully in such way that could only be described as dazzling, delicate and magnificent. She was wearing her armor, a great combatant, strong, smart and brave, she is one of the few people that I would actually trust in combat, as most of the time I always have to watch my "allies" every other second just to make sure they don't backstab me, this is like Menzoberranzan sometimes, fighting other races on the front while having a drow dagger and a hand crossbow poisoned bolt stuck on the back, yet when I fight with her, I feel safe, I do not think she is a liar, at first I did not knew if she was real or not, "An Inquisitor" I thought in my mind, looking for heretics like me...yet it turned out things weren't as I thought they would, for the first time in my life, I am glad I was wrong, because meeting her and being enlightened by her has been a blessing in this dark place.

She taught me about the Crown Wars and the Truth, I have finally broke free from the enslaving chains of lies told to me at Tier Breche in Sorcere, and by my elders at the Quellar back home...can I still call that place home? Was it ever my home in the first place? I guess it was home as long as Parhlebum was there, then Mantol-Derith, oh how the times change, so does this one change too, Usstan need to survive here, this is becoming more and more complex everyday, as even having a conversation regarding certain things is dangerous, yet, shadows protect us, a warm mantle of darkness and guile, She is very capable, she even teleported us to a safe place, the Gnome Town, how I love that place, though it is a bit boring after a while, since danger is something that I cannot seem to get enough of. So I can never be there for too long.

There are many things pending, last time I spoke with the vhaeraunite she showed me things that others seldom show, open about something, she has gained my trust, somehow, she lowered down her permanent guard and poise, she has surprised me, once again, I do feel bad asking for her help, I feel I do not deserve it, I have to pay her back, I know I already paid the cloak back to her but still, she has been extremely helpful and I just don't understand her, this intrigues me, she is very beautiful yet I feel wary, she reminds me of someone, I know she isn't her but...Whatever I can do, I shall help her if she ever asks me for help, as long as it is nothing evil or treacherous.

The Winds of Change are blowing, what drow need now, is hope, may the Moon Dancer guide me.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Tue May 14, 2019 9:12 am

13 Mirtul 1355


After being nobody, dead, for 115 years, I finally know who I am, I finally know why I am here, I was meant for this, I finally understand this road, I am not dead anymore, I dont want to die anymore, finally I am awaken, I know the truth about everything,it was not easy...Oh Quinn, you are just like Parhlebum....A real friend...no longer will I ever use again the word abbil, at least never with my true friends, what do I have to do?

I am just missing so many details, so many answers, I feel encumbered, a gigantic task ahead of me, I know my chances of success are low, I know I might die but I dont care, maybe I can inspire others to rise up, even if I die....I already started, I need to plant the seeds of rebellion, even if victory is not mine to be had.

I want to make Eilistraee proud.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Sat May 18, 2019 5:08 am

17 Mirtul 1355

The cycles pass and so do I, I wander these dark tunnels in search of something outside, defeat is in the air and black omens of death march towards me in tandem with those who remain with their eyed and ears closed.

You are one and nothing else, change yourself and hope it sticks, nothing more and nothing less, there is no battle to be had in the tunnels, but inside, for the inner darkness is far more consuming and whitering than anything else you can find outside, I know this.

How do I know if I have beaten these demons? An empty bottle of wine seems to calm it but only for a moment before the next one or the next one are called upon, this is a monster that cannot be fought with a sword, yet it can kill me in the same way a drider can.

I have discovered that no matter how many people I met and I get to know, they don't know who I am, a light of my own I dont have, so I keep close to those who are enlightened, hoping that with their own light I can find my way, if only for a split second, alas, I fall into the darkness and sink every passing day.

I cover my face, but even when I dont, I still cover who I really am, a blank slate I try to be, but this hunger, the massacre, I need another bottle of glow wine, hoping it sates my thirst for blood.

Blessed be those who believe in Her, I would be dead without you.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Sun May 19, 2019 8:38 am

18 Mirtul 1355


this entry is written in surface common


The spider calls, many answered, it is happening and there is nothing I can do, Xeyn and the others are strong, everything moved, the Quellar looks back to normal (at least from the outside) and whatever chance I had to do something is gone now. I am not sure what happened after they fought the illithid, but they have surely revovered now and just made their display of strength.

This neverending darkness is getting closer and closer, I dont know what to do with myself.

What can I learn from the night above? I felt like an animal up there, hiding, running and surviving, if that is what the eilistreeans promised, I dont know what to think, this the beauty and life that was denied to us? Down here its hide from the drow, up there its hide from any kivvil you see, maybe my faith is weak.

How do I know who approach? They would probably lynch me...The rivvil Emigro told me, they dont want my kind up there...Down here they dont want my kind either...And I dont even know who I am, my heart is tired, it moves nowhere, how can I follow my heart like this?

I am not following my blood either...maybe I can just linger, stasis, survival, just like in Mantol-Derith...I wonder if there are more survivors from House Teken'duis...Am I the only one? It would be easy to say that heresy is the reason why Lolth disfavoured them. Maybe it was my fault they all died and failed.

I wonder where my faith will lead me, maybe I just want to stop it, maybe I go to her when I die, whatever, I need a drink.
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Balthomer
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Re: The Journal of Vuzaer, the Heretic

Unread post by Balthomer » Sun May 19, 2019 10:32 am

Renor Streea, this will be my new name now.
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