The brief story of Featherfox

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The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Featherfox » Mon Jul 08, 2019 7:39 am

Hello all;

This post is taking a surprising amount of courage to just even put here, but I feel that everyone who interacts with my characters should know this about myself.

On server as a global handle, and on Discord as my chat handle I go by Featherfox (or Frosty). I currently control the following known characters:

- Diane Evon, Archer of Candlekeep
- Brigitte Degenhardt, Ebon Blade
- Victoria Lightheart, Sorceress of Ilmater
- Matilda Creighton, Bardic Everwatch Cadet

My activity cycle on this server has been random at best. The reason for this is because I am severely disabled.

I suffer from social anxiety, performance anxiety, PTSD, and things I know I'm forgetting. I am receiving ongoing medical treatment for my problems. However, while to most of you BGTSCC is a game; a place to relax, de-stress, and hang out with good friends, this server has a different meaning for me entirely.

I desire strongly for everyone to have fun; that means myself, the people I interact with, and the DMs I interact with whom run the world. Without my control; I often put the enjoyment of others ahead of myself as a means to justify my presence here on the server. It's wrong to do that - I know it is - but knowing something is wrong doesn't magically make it better (annoyingly!).

I very much enjoy telling stories with you through roleplay. The mechanics are outdated, but I still have fun messing around with build ideas and power strength. My point; I have a lot of reasons to be here and enjoy this game. However, for fear of losing those things, my anxiety plagues me with doubts, what if's, and opportunities to self-sabotage my presence here.

When you don't see me for stretches of time - this is why. I'm not avoiding people, I'm avoiding the situation. I need time to recover - yes, I do mean that in full - from the stress I do experience playing here. However, I want that stress. I want that exposure. Already I have discovered two minor issues about myself while playing here that has helped therapy progress forward. I'm not saying that this game was essential to my progress, but I am saying it was helpful in triggering reactions.

Anyway, I said this story will be short so that's enough. You now know why I'm sometimes here, and sometimes gone for unexplained stretches.

I love you guys; and wish to keep playing here. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you gain a bit of useful insight from it.

- Featherfox

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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Winterborne » Mon Jul 08, 2019 7:52 am

I have enjoyed all my interactions with you and I look forward to the next set of them whenever you feel up to being around again.

The nice thing about this community is that you can easily come and go with no issue. It's been here a long time and will be here when you get back. So do what you need to do to care for yourself, and thank you for sharing something that was likely not easy to share.
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Farmboy2003 » Mon Jul 08, 2019 8:27 am

I often put the enjoyment of others ahead of myself
This is the definition of a great roleplayer as Gygax himself formulates it.

I haven't encountered you IG I think. I think the game could a be a good way to learn to expose yourself to your anxieties, or an outlet for an otherwise stressfull life.

But thanks for the HU, I'll try'n see if I can get into some RP with you.
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by YourMoveHolyMan » Mon Jul 08, 2019 10:18 am

You do what you need to take care of yourself and find enjoyment along the way, glad to hear from you.
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Balthomer » Mon Jul 08, 2019 1:19 pm

Much love a good vibes, hope to see you in game soon.
Cool down time off.

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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Maecius » Mon Jul 08, 2019 1:35 pm

Thanks for this post, Featherfox. Whenever my own morale is flagging, and I begin to wonder why I'm putting time and money into this place, it's posts like these that remind me why this community is worth carrying forward for as long as we can all support it -- even after I'm out of the admin chair myself.

I'm glad your experience here has been largely positive and helpful for you. I'll do what I can, in my small way, to help to ensure that this place is always here for you whenever you are feeling up to playing the game!

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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Mallore » Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:56 pm

I remember when I first ran into Diane. You bring people a lot of good memories. That is worth a lot to so many Incase you ever need to hear that. :)
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Kiran » Mon Jul 08, 2019 6:42 pm

I've had a lot of interactions on various of your chars with the various of mine, always been a great experience.

Keep trucking. :geek:
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Wolfrayne » Mon Jul 08, 2019 7:31 pm

Everyone deals with things in their own way! Its always a pleasure seeing you here :D your characters have always been interesting to be around, Look forward to seeing you on and off for many more years to come :D
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Legofsalmon » Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:05 am

Hey Featherfox, reading your post was very real and prompted me to say some things I like about the server and add some thoughts about how perhaps you and others can make it a positive experience.

This server is restorative for a number of reasons:

It's a video game that you play with other people, and who doesn't love to play video games.

It's a creative outlet for as much or as little as you want it to be. That means you can adjust your attention levels to trying to improve your written word or explore characterization, perhaps make journals, do fan art, create area maps in the game or even just sitting in a town toggling with an appearance changer. If you're feeling a bit anxious and just want to click some buttons on this clunky but entertaining system that is NWN2 then you can, and perhaps you will bump into someone who will gently coax you into some roleplay and gently engage you again.

The enjoyment of all of these things and the many others that I probably forgot to mention all depend on its community. People would be playing an MMO for the social element or a MOBA for the mechanical elements if that's what they wanted from an online game. This server sits in a unique spot I haven't seen elsewhere. A lot of this is owing to the small but stable community, so you can not only build connections as players and characters but you can observe people's written stories develop over time and that alone adds an entertainment value like watching your favorite series.

In my experience, I have a better time if I know my roleplay is good for those around me. I'm concerned that you are putting others enjoyment ahead of yourself - but this is causing you discomfort. Perhaps try to think about who you roleplay with and what it is that you think causes this, it could be that you feel others do not appreciate your interactions or it is one-sided, in which case maybe you could talk to them and find out if that's correct, people are not always socially forthcoming! If these experiences deter you from playing the server I would hope you found others that don't make you feel that way, because I am sure the community is all the better for your enjoyment and presence in it!

Sorry if this was long, and I don't think I have met your characters in much detail but I am always happy to roleplay!
Best wishes with your days ahead!
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Rask » Thu Aug 08, 2019 1:17 pm

<3 I dont need to say anything more than that I think. As we are in pretty regular contact outside of the game and this board :)
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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by Featherfox » Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:09 am

I exist, I swear.

I know I've been gone a couple of weeks now - but above is why.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

<3 you all.

- Featherfox

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Re: The brief story of Featherfox

Unread post by calvinus » Sat Aug 17, 2019 5:39 pm

Have loved all our interactions IC and OOC. Thinking positive thoughts for you IRL and looking forward to any stories we can play out together or any I hear of with your toons second hand. See you IC when we next have the opportunity and please reach out OOC any time as well!
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