I haven't kept a journal since Rathon stole my last one and showed the entire family my secrets. It's been difficult to write ever since. But since I'm sitting in this carriage on my way to Silverymoon, I guess now is the time to start a new one. Yuri has given me a task to reflect on myself and come up with answers to his little quiz. Doesn't he know I hate writing? I already know the answers, why write them down? Stupid beak face.
It feels odd to be going to a place I spent so much time, yet feels so unfamiliar. Even weirder to going to a place where I don't have a rune set. My teleportation addiction, I must admit, has gotten out of hand. I can't keep more than thirty bags on my person. Where the gold goes, who knows? Teleportation scrolls? Even though I'm trying not to teleport as often, I just can't seem to get any richer. I try to go to Mudd's for a discount on scrolls but he's always sold out. What a pain.
I have more friends than I've ever had before, and I'm not sure if that makes it harder or easier to go on this trip. They are what I'm going to miss the most, even though they are a teleport scroll away. Maybe the isolation will do me good. Like it ever has? But I know if I teleport back now, going North might never happen. And besides, I told ***** I'd find ***** while I was here. If I go back without knowing where it is, would that be another failure on my part? I have enough failures for a lifetime. If failing is how you learn, I have to be the smartest person on the Coast by now. Or maybe learning is something impossible for me to do.
No, I can't go back. This trip is necessary. High Priestess Shandril told me to let go of my grudges. This is a step towards that. Once I mark a rune in Silverymoon, going to see my family will become much easier. I just don't know if I am in the right mind to go speak to Father again. I just can't seem to get along with elves that well. There's a few exceptions. Oth, Mendel, Yuri. But is it really elves I have a problem with? Maybe it's everyone.
I've been fighting with Akame a lot recently. The more I get to know someone, the more I'm annoyed. Or become annoying. One of the two. I hate how I get like this sometimes. Let go of grudges? How do I stop making them in the first place?
Alex gave me an answer. Act, don't react. Although I'm starting to see through him, he's more clumsy and emotional than I initially thought. Maybe he was like me in the past? Someone who holds onto grudges? He seems to have implied that. He earned my respect in a way that no one else quite has, but maybe he can provide good advice solely because he speaks from experience.
Going North. Definitely a weird feeling. I've only been living in Myradon Keep for a few weeks, and the Friendly Arms Inn for a few months before that. As far as the North goes, I don't go much more north than Kraak Helzak anymore. Can I even call myself a Northerner? Michael says I'm Southern folk now, and I'm inclined to agree.
Father and I used to leave Silverymoon to go on diplomatic missions all the time. But this is the first time in my life it feels like I'm leaving home.