Trent Marnimane

[silverias]

The Journal of Trent Marnimane

I've never kept a journal before, but I need to organize my thoughts. I need an outlet. A lot has happened since I came to this town, and I think it will help me. And maybe, if Lathander allows it, this will serve as a record some day, if anyone remembers me.

I'm from Daggerford, a fairly small little town to the north of here. Travellers pass through, but it's not half as big as the Gate, but there is a castle built by dwarves. The story goes that a boy fended off a whole tribe of Lizardmen with only a dagger at the ford, and that the town sprung up here. Most people are farmers there. My life then really wasn't all that interesting, and I don't think many people's there are. There were a few temples, and a small shrine to Lathander. I never spent much time there.
I mostly stayed on the farm and stayed in the woods with my friends. We do stupid things when we're young. It wasn't taken seriously, but we foolishly began to tinker with the occult. We spent a lot of time in the grave yard, and we all had new names and ranks. We would get together on friday nights and have strange ceremonies we made up. Sometimes we would even invoke dark gods - even Bhaal.

No one else really took this seriously, but I did. I was consumed by this. I ended up stealing the spellbook of a wizard, and we tried to use one of the spells. Or, I did, at least, against the advice of the others. It summoned a spirit, alright. We ran as fast as we could, as it wasn't exactly a friendly shade - one of my friends didn't make it. We never told anyone what happened, exactly, and we told the town guard that the ghost came out of nowhere.

That changed me. I had blood on my hands. It bothers me even now. I couldn't stand it any more. I rushed to the shrine to Lathander, begged for forgiveness, and devoted my life to the service of the Morninglord...

[silverias]

I mentioned earlier that there were several temples in town. Lathander's is big, but so is Tempus'. My family never followed any particular god, as many common folk don't. So why I chose Lathander...

Lathander offered (and continues to offer) hope for me. Something I needed dearly. I admired the saying of the clerics and paladins at that shrine, repeated time and time again, day and day again - there is always a dawn. No matter how hellish today is, no matter what chaos we encounter, what horrors we commit, forgiveness and better times will always come and, indeed, are right around the corner. That is hope. That is the essence of what is important to Lathander, in a single sentence, that saying.

There is always another dawn - There are always better times.
There is always another dawn - With the new dawn, comes new life.
There is always another dawn - With the new dawn, comes time for new enrichment.

There is always another dawn - There is always another chance to prove ourselves, another chance to create.
I could make a great volume such as that. Perhaps it would be a great work of poetics. Perhaps I will some day. But that is for the old and retired, and I don't have nearly enough time today to write a book. Okay, I'm writing one now. But this is different...

So, I found myself in the shrine of Lathander, right? Well, I begged, at the altar, forgiveness. I poured every coin in my meagre purse into the donation bowl. I shaved my head in mourning. And I dedicated my life to the service of the Morninglord, and that day I began my training as a cleric. Experience is the best way to learn, and so we were taught only basics - the essential rituals, prayers and spells, as well as some basics of combat. It took about two weeks. And then we were let go. But I wasn't sure where to go...

[silverias]

I think I had better hurry up, or I'm not going to get to my arrival in Baldur's Gate until page 60 or so, and it's getting late here. Must go to bed soon, but I want to get this up to the present first.

As I saw it, I had three choices. I could stay in Daggerford (small, generally fairly quiet and boring), go to Waterdeep (big, loud, exciting and potentially deadly) or Baldur's Gate (somewhat in between the two, except, it seems, for the quiet part). I prayed for Lathander's guidance, and after a few days I knew I was being drawn to the Gate. I was needed there. I had tasks there. And here I am.

My journey was mostly uneventful. I said farewell to my family, and hitched a ride on a Waterdhavian merchant caravan, headed towards Amn. They would be stopping in the Gate. It was a few days walk (I had and have no horse) but it was fairly pleasant. There were few dangerous encounters, but each night we were stalked by wolves. Lathander's light kept them away.

I arrived in the Gate, finally. I was directed by the merchants, who stopped here regularly, to visit the Elf Song Tavern. They told me that would be a good starting point, and so I followed there advice. I ate, drunk, and found some work there. The caravan moved on, and pretty soon the Gate was starting to feel like home. I spent my time fairly equally there, in Beregost and on the road. I have spent a lot of time in the Song of Morning in Beregost. It's much larger than the shrine in Daggerford, and it is pleasant to be with those who follow Lathander like me. I've met a lot of friends and companions here, and a few enemies, too.

I have to be truthful and say I'm not the same man I was when I left Daggerford, or even when I first entered the Gate, now. This is a big, dangerous country. I've seen a lot of blood and death, and worse. All I can do is try to bring the Light to where it doesn't shine, brightening the day of these poor folk who dwell in it, and to brighten the lights that already shine by strengthening Lathander's temple and followers...

[silverias]

I'm just going to goods over the more important events from arrival to present. I spent a lot of time in Beregost, in the temple, and on the trade Way between there and the Gate. Basically, I did what I do now. I know this sounds cliche, but the roads here are dangerous. The Fist don't patrol the southern roads, or even the northern ones, very much. A group of well armed yet inexperienced adventurers could easily fall prey to the creatures along the road, let alone an unarmed traveller headed to the temple. Very little seems to be being done to really keep these roads safe. I will not rest until I see travelers feel safe and secure on the road, moving without fear. This may seem like a foolish and naive task, but I believe, with Lathander's help, anything is possible. And there is also the problem with worshippers of the dark gods, most of which aren't on the Fists priority lists.

So, I felt compelled to serve Lathander in a particular way. I would found the Order of the Morning Sun (I originally decided on Order of the Radiant Sun, but that was too close to the Knights of the Radiant Heart). We would protect the roads, fight the foes of Lathander, and serve the temple both away and within Beregost. Lathander has given us many blessings in this, and the Order is growing quickly. I have great hopes that we will win the temple's approval and become official eventually.

I think this is enough for now. I did what I promised myself. I'm up to the present. I also promised myself that I would go to bed at this point. So I will. Err (strange to write err, isn't it?), goodnight journal no one will ever read. Probably. I hope. Sort of.

[silverias]

Gods, it's about time I pull this book out and write in it, isn't it? It's so far behind I can never catch up in detail, so I'm not even going to try. I'll highlight the important things, I guess, but it's getting a bit old writing about the distant past.

The Order grew, diminished, and is now starting to grow again. It looks like (and I hope it stays this way) we have five steady members. I appointed a woman called Telissa Carshald, a paladin, as my second in command. We have managed to capture a few necromancers, fight a few battles, and I think we've done pretty well. Telissa helps keep me in line, too, and I definitely need that.

I'm not the greatest leader, to tell you the truth. I have a bad temper. Make me mad and I'll kick your arse without thinking sometimes. Hurt my feelings and I'm liable to drink myself into oblivion. Though, that hasn't happened too many times. When Alana left, for instance. Did I mention I liked women too much?

Telissa has helped keep me in line, and I really thank her for that... I haven't been drunk lately, and I haven't been with more than one lady, either. Met a nice tiefling girl called Tamina, and she and I are quite alike. Even in the bad parts. Still working on the temper thing, though.

And I guess the most recent big thing... the biggest thing... was that we drove the Bhaalists out of their temple on the Trade Way. It was an old fort of some sort, as far as I can guess abandoned long ago and taken over by them and their gnoll servants. It was a long siege, and I worked on everything from patrols, catapults and, primarily, healing. In the final leg of the siege I helped a cleric of, I daresay, Auril, to set up an infirmary within the walls of the building. I can't stand her for her attitude and her god, but I have to admit she's a very capable healer. I don't think I did bad, either!
I just can't describe how happy I was when we drove the last of them out.

What happens to the old fort now, I wonder? Rumour is that some gnome intends to turn it into an inn. I think that's a bit strange. It's pretty 'castley' for an inn, isn't it?

[silverias]

Since I've been here I met a mage called Dustin. Really quite an annoyance. If I recall correctly, we first met by the fire, when he was showing off his spider companion. I happen to have a deep hate for spiders. So, when poor Dustin got drunk and the spider began to bite him, I couldn't help but take it as an excuse to squash the thing. And by squash I mean envelop in a searing light until nothing but liquid remained.

Dustin spent the days after that threatening to kill me, but apparently someone made him promise not to. That irks me, that I didn't have a chance to prove him wrong. I wouldn't have to wait long, though. I'm not a bad person (although I am a bad example), and I wouldn't just attack the man without need. We did have a few scuffles...

But, it wasn't too long before we found him in the woods near Beregost messing with corpses. And in the company of undead. We had a short fight with him, but he managed to escape with the help of two thieves - one of whom I don't know, and another one that turned out to be the not so bad sort, called Evaine.

With the help of some guardsmen from Beregost we eventually managed to subdue him, and he was ordered executed by the High Priest shortly thereafter. I assumed that would be the end of it. But things are never that simple.

He was raised by his friends, or mayhap even returned as undead. I was given a strange note by a man on the road, telling me to meet 'the master' by some ruins. I did, but I did ask (and by the gods, I regret asking) Randall to come along with me and keep an eye on things from a distance, in case I needed help.

'The master' turned out to be none other than my necromancer friend, and this time he came bearing threats. He said I had taken what was 'most important' from him. Maybe he had a thing for Evie, but I didn't 'take her'. She is just an acquaintance... Anyway, Dustin began to speak of Tamina, and of repaying me. I took this to be a threat against her. The last straw came when he told an innocent passerby that he was going to kill her. I decided to subdue him.

Randall decided to lend a hand. I guess that he means well, but his methods aren't very good. He beat Dustin to the ground (I could have handled it!) and was quite brutal about it, and kept urging me to kill him. Long story short, I took him to the Fist. Dustin told them he made no threats, and that I had kidnapped him! Randall didn't help matters, by saying out loud, in front of the Fists, 'we should've slit his throat in the woods.'

Thanks to the sheer incompetence of the Fist (they patted Randall on the back and gave him cigars) and the well meaning Randall, Dustin and I both ended up with a fine, and he walks free yet.

Lastly, Telissa has returned. I'm quite happy of this. It's been hard handling everything myself, and a lot of interesting things have happened. I imagine they would have all transpired quite differently had she been here, including the first apprehension of Dustin. Not that I did anything bad... but Telissa likes 'rules' much more than me. As far as I'm concerned, rules are useful only so far as they help me. Laws and rules aren't worth following just for the sake of following them. If the end result of something is good, is that not all that matters, regardless of the method? Granted, some methods can turn a good deed bad, but then the result isn't good either, is it?

[silverias]

There have been a few important events that I think I should record. I really don't even want to think about it. This has been a difficult week, but maybe it will help to write. We caught a priestess of the demon Graz'zt (if I recall correctly, Jonas called her Meph- something), and she was speaking with demons right by the campfire! There was a bit of a fight, and we defeated a Pit Fiend. Quite a mess, really. The priestess escaped in the chaos.

I already knew about her, but this was my first meeting. Tami had spoken of her, as she had promised to Tami that she would find out who her parents were. Whether or not she has the ability to do this through the demons or not, I don't know. And I don't want to find out. I told Tami that nothing good could come of it, and that she should stay away. She informed me that this priestess has been trying to gather together a group of local tieflings, and although she told her that there was no obligation to worship the demon, I can see no other end goal than this.

The priestess was fool enough to come back to camp, and we could have easily cornered her. Telissa and Anderick were both there, and we could have handled it easily enough. Someone (I can't even remember who now) said we should go get Jonas first. So, I ran through hell and back to fetch him from Candlekeep. Upon arrival he promptly wandered off without doing anything. Cowardice and incompetence, really. His devotion to the law prevents him from doing what he needs to do, and I'm growing rather disgusted with it. Not only with Jonas, but all of them and there rules.

Veretius pulled me aside to explain to me that he, Jonas and Telissa had made plans to capture the whole cult at once. This was not the first time Telissa has made plans behind my back. She acts as though she is the leader of the Order. If she intends to make plans involving something the Order is involved with, she should consult me first. I'm angry with everyone right now. I threw my cloak down at her feet. She can command if she wants. She refused, of course. I picked it back up later.

Andy pulled me aside in my rage and talked with me. He showed me a new way to handle things. I can do what needs to be done, and no one will ever know.

I had a long talk with Telissa later. She has the choice to either start acting like second in command and following my orders, or to step down. She can act on her own, understand. I respect that. But when the Order is involved with something, she simply cannot act on it on her own. I'm not confident in Jonas' understanding the situation, or his ability to handle it. Innocents are going to die. That is my greatest fear. But we will see.

[silverias]

Well, for once I had a pretty good day. That hasn't happened lately. Only a few things hampered it. I didn't accomplish much, mostly sitting around the fire and relaxing. I rather need a break. So much has happened so quickly and all.

When I first came to camp I found Telissa there. Not very talkative today, for sone reason, and Tami and Randall. Randall offered me some mead, which I foolishly accepted. It was laced with some sort of poison - not meant to harm me, but to be enjoyable. I found it less so than Randall. It made my head spin, and I honestly thought Randall was spinning me around. Sister Meri happened by and gave me something to stop it, but soon enough Dimsdale too had fallen to it. Guess that's where the 'Dim' part comes from.

I recovered eventually, and someone I barely know asked someone I don't know at all to marry him. Looks like I've been recruited to do the wedding, at the temple in Beregost, since I told them they didn't have to give me a donation. I've never done anything like this before, and it will be different, but I think I can handle it. I just hope I can remember the rituals and recite them properly. I'll try not to be too original.

I mentioned the priestess of Graz'zt in my last entry. She is trying to band together local tieflings with the goal of indoctrinating them into her faith. She takes advantage of them, promising them all the things they want and fellowship. It's quite sad. Tami was approached, and now we fear that one if her friends has joined the cult. Jonas is planning on dealing with them all through violence, but I can't let this happen. We can't let this happen. Innocents will die, as some of them are still 'on the fence' but will be attending the meeting, and some have been entirely tricked into it. Tami and I had a long talk about it, and were going to do everything we possibly can to save as many of them as we can, by whatever methods we must.

Well, I look forward to the whole wedding thing... What were their names again?

[silverias]

Dear gods, so much happening, still...
I guess I'll start with the good parts first. This part will be much shorter than the bad. The wedding between Nico and Rose (I finally remembered their names!) went well, especially for my first attempt. I did have to read the vows three times, because they refused to repeat certain Lathander specific parts. Eventually they did, though. And I accidentally started out with a funeral ritual.

After the wedding there was a party. I'm not sure how that went. I'm told it was quite nice, but due to other events I just wasn't in the mood for that kind of crap. I felt like ripping someone's head off. I had half a bottle of wine and sent myself off to bed.

Now, for the bad part. I guess I will start with the festival in Candlekeep. We had all went there to here stories and songs, and it really wasn't bad at all. Randall was even kind enough to grab some tomatoes for us to throw. He was forcibly removed from the keep shortly thereafter. I was distracted from much of the show, though, while talking with Tami. She told me some disturbing things about Randall, and that she was going to try to get some information out of Dustin. I gave her some bad looking (but really not bad at all) information about myself to give him, in exchange for what we needed.

I should have put my mask on and followed them. They had a long discussion in a locked room, and it ended with Dustin casting a spell to keep her from moving, cutting off some of her hair, and her stabbing him in the chest. Her memories of what transpired, exactly, were also gone. We found out the next there that he was using the hair to hurt her from a distance. She would simply burst out in pain.

I hunted him down with Telissa, and we got a lot of information out of him about what happened. The next day I told Meri everything, and she managed to heal Tami. But Dustin has stepped too far this time. I know he hates me, and I will fight him as long as he is stupid enough to do it. But Tami did nothing. I will flay him alive if I get my hands on him alone. He is not going to escape this alive. It is dark on my heart, but I can't let him get away with it.

I haven't talked with Telissa much lately. As much as she is my friend, she doesn't seem the same lately. I need to have a talk with her. Maybe it's me that isn't the same?

[silverias]

Well, it looks like Dustin is finally dead. For good. Apparently Randall killed him... twice? I wasn't present in either killing, but if he truly is dead, I can't help but rejoice. He was a menace, and he grew stronger by the day. He deserved death, for the sake of all other people. What he did with the dead is unforgivable, as is what he did to Tami.

I've been a bit down lately. Telissa left the Order, and I can't say I blame her. I'm not a good leader, and she can probably be more useful elsewhere. Maybe I am more fitting as a lone wolf, or at least with another group. I seem to be making more progress by night with a mask over my face than I have ever made in the open. Is it wrong to completely ignore the laws, for the greater good? I don't think so. It's not about the method. It's about the result, and although sometimes the method can be so horrible that it sours the result, it generally makes a difference only from a philosophical stand point.

I don't want to be Jonas. I don't want to take six months to get something done, while trying to have someone that deserves to have their throat slit put behind bars for a few days by the incompetent Fist. I will handle things my way. I won't break my vows, or what Lathander stands for, but I will get things done. And we will all be better for it. I may not be able to stand alone entirely, but I won't force others to do the dirty parts themselves. And maybe sometimes I can avoid bloodshed entirely. A little information can go a long way.

I'm not an idiot. I know I get angry sometimes, and I do clumsy things, but I am not stupid. I can make a plan, and I can carry it out. Maybe my appearance will make me less suspect. I'm not going to be as sloppy as I was the first time. I will plan things out, and stick to it. Maybe eventually I can find people who really will stand with me, some day.

[silverias]

How should I put this... I am a mess? That's all I know to say, really. I don't even know why I'm writing this, it's really a waste of time. But this journal is the only friend I have to talk to now. Tami had to go away for a while, and I've managed to make quite a mess for myself. And, in all honesty, she didn't help.

Telissa thinks I am against her, apparently. Shortly before she was to leave, Tamina was approached and offered coin in exchange for the death of Telissa. She refused, but later they returned and told her that they were watching, and that if she didn't do as she had been asked, someone 'more capable' would. And so, as a warning, she pretended to make an attempt at killing Telissa. Telissa didn't take it very well, even when Tami tried to explain, and she seems to have beaten her quite badly, or the Fist mistreated her. I visited her for a while, and she managed to escape and flee. I don't know when I'll see her again, but she will be missed.

I don't know if I'm even fit to be a priest. Ivaris said I wasn't, and when I look at myself, I think I would agree with him. Quite frankly, I am an idiot, and I can do some pretty horrible things sometimes. Should I just give up? I considered it earlier today, and came pretty close... but part of me still isn't sure. Where else would I go? I feel like I really do care for what Lathander stands for, and he has granted me amazing gifts while I have followed him. I don't want to lose this, but I don't want to damage the reputation of the church. If I can't change, it's best that I turn away. And I don't know if I can, or even want, to change...

It's hard to believe, but I think that in one day I have managed to make quite a few elves, Telissa (and paladinly company), the church, and Tami, when she returns, turn against me. What the hells is wrong with me? I'm really horrified of what I am becoming... but wallowing in self hate isn't going to do anything for me. I can't change what I did, the best I can do is try to do better in the future... that's who I should be talking. I just don't know which part of me is going to prevail. And even if I want to, after all the things I have done, could I go back and try yet again, without fleeing far away from here and starting over?

[silverias]

As I write, I'm currently (not) enjoying a (hopefully) short stay in the Flaming Fist prison. I did nothing wrong, as far as I can tell, but that doesn't matter. Nobility, the town guards, everyone who is above the others - the only thing they desire is more coin and power. So they're going to extort as much from me as they can. No better than common bandits.

Is it wrong for me to defend myself? I found myself being attacked by some insane tiefling by the fire. I had no time to go kindly inform the guards and request their assistance. He was pulling at my hair and I hit him a few times to get him off of me, and I was going to let it go there. But as soon as he recovered himself he came at me again, grabbing and twisting my wrist. I beat the utter, living hells out of him for that. Then the Fist are on me. Did I do anything wrong? Either way, I'm sure Telissa will be upset if she hears.

I ended up having a lively evening in the prison, though. The guy I was fighting came to join me later, in the cell across the hall. I'm not sure why he was in there, but we talked a bit. He spoke mostly of escaping and causing chaos, showing me all sorts of weapons he had smuggled in. I look forward to seeing what happens when the guards find them.

The jailer was nice enough to (not by my request) Tami's cell. To my right that horrible gnome, Tinsle, was brought in. I loathe that despicable creature. I dare not go into details, but although he slit his wrists and was taken away, presumably to a medic, the horrible smells still remain. The guards said the cell looked worse than it would have if a wild animal had been inside.

Well, I hope I'm out soon. Someone will eventually find out I'm in here and pay my fine, or they'll decide they can't extort me for much and end up letting me go. We'll see.

[silverias]

Well, it's been a while. Kind of strange to be writing again. But how many times have I said that? Wonder where Tami is right now... Damn, am I dead when she gets back. Or maybe not.

Anyways, I kind of feel like I have sort of a will to live again! Everything is so much clearer now - I thought I was messing up the whole time, but it all had purpose. I understand who I am. I'm not a failure! At least, I don't think I am.

Also, ever notice how I write like it's a conversation? It's like a one way conversation. I'm interviewing myself. I can talk about whatever I want. And I do. Freedom! Anarch - err, law and justice!

So, the vigilante thing makes a lot more sense now. I was kind of wrong the whole time, but kind of right, too. See, I was doing it for me. Really though, I'm not really impartial, am I? I was willing to do whatever I wanted, so long as I could make myself believe it was justice. Now I see that justice is blind. Like, Tyr is literally blind, but Tyr isn't what I mean. What I mean is uh... Justice has to be interpreted from the third person. Like, not from my view or whoever you are. Justice is always justice, regardless of circumstances. Even when it doesn't directly effect us, it still matters just as much.

The Fist isn't impartial. The Fist is in it for the money. Fame. Glory. All that. Someone needs to be able to see what is right, and do what is right. And that's what I'm going to try to do. I just hope I can stay alive long enough to see her again. And I'm sure I'll be fine. Just look at all the stuff I've been through. And I'm just fiiiine. Right? Right, Trent!

Now, back to the Fist. Why aren't the Fist justice? Well, like I said, they're in it for the money. And money and justice conflict. The Fist, as I've said many times, have corruption issues. And they're willing to do more than just uphold the laws – who knows what they'd do, if paid?

What I really wonder about isn't philosophical at all, though. What I really wonder about is why in the hells did I never realize all of this until now? I learned a lot of things on my little 'trip'. I learned who I really was, who I was trying to be all along. And now, let's see if this works out. Just got to be careful. Not messy, like the times before, and not for me. Not for them, not for glory. For law, true law. For justice, true justice. And for the god.