Thorck Kurz

[xUberdooMx]

A large and confused-looking half-orc approaches you and says, "Uh... I s'posed to give you dis," and hands you a card with writing on both sides.

The front of the card reads "Hello! My name is THORCK KURZ and I am lost!"

You glance up at the half-orc who stares back blankly. You flip the card over, and it reads, in small print,

"My name is THORCK and I am a member of Vallon's Children, an half-orc pacification and re-education program based in NEVERWINTER. My handlers have deemed me pacified and permitted me to leave the compound for a period of 2 MONTHS to determine whether I am fit to re-enter society. Please inform me of my whereabouts and help me get situated with my surroundings, as I may lack the mental capacity to do so myself.

"Please to do not attempt to harm me or encourage me to violence! I'm a perfect gentleman, but if directed or provoked to attack, I could be a serious threat to myself or those around me-- even you!

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you use the following words or phrases in my presence, as they make me very angry, and serious or possibly fatal injury may occur:

WHIP
UNINTELLIGENT BEAST
BROOMSTICK
RAT-PIE


Have a nice day!"

You look up, and the half-orc, Thorck Kurz is now staring at you expectantly, evidently waiting for a command.

Template For Character Creation Reward:

First Name: Thorck
Last Name: Kurz

Appearance: Look like half-orc. What you t'ink Kurz look like?!
Race: Half-orc
Age: Uhh... 29 an' half!
Height: 6'9"
Weight: 260 lbs.
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Black
Facial Hair Style: Uhh... Biker guy moustache!

Personality Profile: Uhh... Kurz not know.
General Health: Feel petty gud.
Deity: TEMPUS!! Priest say Tempus like da victriest' cause dey keeps fightin'!
Initial Alignment: Chaotic Neutral. Meh.
Profession: Uh... Kurz like fightin'! Kurz like gettin' paid! (Mercenary)
Base Class & Proposed Development: Kurz Fighta. Sometimes Kurz get mad an' sum peeple call Kurz Bubarian. Not know what dat means.
Habits/Hobbies: Kurz fight!
Languages: Ehh... Hood guys say Kurz speak "come on." Not know what dat means.
Weapon of Choice: Kurz like big sword!

Background: Uhh... well... firs' ting Kurz 'member... Big temple, wiff big rock guy wiff big sword. An' one guy call, "Priest" tell Kurz fings 'bout da big rock guy, like, "Tempus not care 'bout good an' evul, he jus' like da winner, an' who bring da biggest fights." Somefing like dat. Kurz live der fer long time, and Kurz want big sword like Tempus! So Kurz ask Priest, and Kurz got one! One day Priest say Kurz can' live dere no mor, an' to make alive-ing by sellin sword. Kurz say he not sell sword! Kurz LIKE BIG SWORD!! Priest say not sell sword, Priest say go fight fer moneys an' fer Tempus. Kurz like Tempus. Tempus fun, and Tempus make Kurz fight 'ard! So Kurz go get bosses. Bosses tell Kurz, "Go fight dose guys." So Kurz fight dose guys. Kurz not always win. People say to Kurz before a fight, "Say you's prays!" Priest say Kurz make pray to Tempus in battle. So Kurz pray. An' Kurz make moneys so's to eat.

Den Kurz get falled asleep in big fite wiff guys wif glowy han's, den wake up wif a bunch of ovver guys who look like Kurz. Tink dey orc blood. New priests say pray. So Kurz pray wiff new priest. Den ovver priests and metal guys get mad, and make a big fight wiff Kurz. An' dey fights good! Den dey say no mo' fightin, an' Kurz say, "What abou' prayin?" Den dey says, "No mo' prayin'." Kurz sad, but las' fite was gud enuff fer a while. Affer a while, dey say, "Okay Kurz, you go now. Haff dis paper an' show it to some guys." Now Kurz in Baldergate!

Goals: Kurz wan' Tempus t'see he da tuffes' an de stronges'! Kurz wan' be warrior or priest or sumfing of Tempus! Kurz bring da bigges' fights! Kurz be da victriest! Tempus like fightin'... KURZ LIKE WINNIN!

Possible Plot-Hook Ideas and Misc Facts: Uh... Kurz not 'member befo da age uh...fiteen. Er sumfing.

An Kurz like Tempus. Wan' fight fer Tempus! Also need money, so want fight fer money an' ta learn fings. Kurz not so smart, so bad guys might tellim to do bad fings. But if dey does, Kurz not really care. Long as 'e get paid an' Tempus keep watch on'im! (If every now and then Tempus can make some sort of appearance with a message, instructions, or a gift for Kurz, that would just make him so happy.)

[DM RabidBadger]

ROFLMAO this is just epicly awesome!

Waiting to see them in game to reward.

[Daeva Diablerie]

I very much enjoyed reading this bio sheet. Extremely cute. I look forward to the opportunity of getting handed that card.

[xUberdooMx]

Just send me a tell IG

[Charraj]

HAHAHAHA!!!

[DM Protector]

This was a great biography; unique and hilarious. Well done!

[DM RabidBadger]

Reviewed - XP Rewarded.