The Misadventures of John Gertrude

[Celduil]

In the early hours of the evening, a clearly homeless looking individual named John Gertrude approached the campfire. He was minding his own business, when WHAM, an evil elf cast an evil curse upon him! When he had recovered from the daze, he ran off screaming in fright.





Early the next morning, the man John Gertrude managed to gather his wits together for a pre-emptive strike. Sure enough the elf was still standing there. The elf had his back to him, so John mustered up his nerves and walked up to the man, where he then proceeded to yank the elf's cloak over his head. The elf immediately turned, infuriated, casting yet another spell upon the unfortunate John. A huge fist held him in place. As the man yelled in terror to the nearby guards, the others with the elf began discussing whether it was wrong or right among themselves. When the spell ended, a terrified and newly wetted pants John ran screaming to the Fist. There the clearly innocent homeless man described the looks of the elf, Selengil.








The next day John Gertrude left the inn. Fearful of the nasty elves near the campfire, he headed the other way... where to the side of the road he noticed not one, but TWO wolves. Screaming in terror, the homeless man ran back to the safety of the inn, fearing the wolves were gonna eat him for their breakfast!

[Celduil]

John Gertrude had had enough. He was sick of cowering away within the city, hiding away from those terrible "adventurers" and wild animals. One month after he last left the comforts of his Baldur's Gate home (or whatever you wish to call it), the intrepid man once more left the (supposed) sanctity of the city.

He had taken two steps when he was met by an elven woman and a gnome. Suspicious of the knife-ears, he allowed her to speak first. Puzzlingly, neither the gnome nor the elven woman approached. The gnome mentioned a bath, beginning to question his smell. Did none of these people understand dirt PROTECTED you from sickness!? The short humanoid then pointed behind John claiming there were bears. Terrified, John looked. There was nothing... BUT HE COULD NOT BE CERTAIN!! Terrified, John returned to the safety of his city.

[Celduil]

It was evening, the winter's air sending a biting chill on all those on the coast. Seeking reprieve from the repressing coldness, John Gertrude made his way to the Friendly Arms Inn. Unfortunately, several other adventurers also sought shelter in the polular meeting place...










They are quick to move, retreating to a distant table across the room. John is quite puzzled when the most beutiful woman he's ever seen in his life rejects his offer for a drink on him. Left alone, he minds his own business, making his way over to a nearby table with his daily supper, a meager bread. His meal is short-lived, however, as...






Before he is forced to move, however, an elf named Vau offers to buy him a drink. The two move over to the bar, where he is introduced to the man's familiar, a bug called Meekmoo. At first John is delighted, bugs are his favourite! This is until his new drinking companion leaves, and Meekmoo begins talking to him, much to John's ultimate confusion...




Bewildered, John goes to sleep off the alcohol, resulting in a particularly smelly homeless man taking up residence on a park bench just outside.

[Celduil]

John Gertrude had a dream...



----------

John Gertrude spent most of his time these days travelling between the Friendly Arm Inn, and Baldur's Gate. The homeless man apparently had taken a liking to his frequent visits to the Friendly Arms, or perhaps it was because he could finally find the social interaction he sought, no one except him really knew the answer. Regardless, one day, he'd been walking all afternoon to reach the inn, finally arriving well into the night. To his surprise, a grey orc had set up shop on the curb right outside the inn, where several adventurers stood talking around the claim of free goods. They were very quick to notice the newcomer:



Heading into the inn, he quickly fell asleep on his favorite bench outside. There he slept until early the next morning, he was woken by voices nearby. His stomach began to rumble, so John Gertude went in search off food.

When he arrived outside the gates, he found the shop was still there. Figuring they sold herbs and free stuff, he was confident they would have some grub as well.





Extatic at the small fortune, he ran into the inn to purchase as much food as ten gold could buy...