A Book: Treatise on Elven Nature

[Simian]

Edit: Sold in Baldur's Gate

Treatise on Elven Nature
by P. A. D. G. E. T. Mellowwind Hornduff Glowngood

Physical characteristics

Standing at average between 5'4" and 6' and weighing in between 130 and 170 lbs usually, true elves are a naturally slender and of course a frail, feeble, and sickly race. Elves have a similar range of complexions to humans, with wood elves typically coppery or pale skinned and wild elves having darker pigmentations. Often, elven hair is dark, either brown or black, with copper red or blond hair also found amongst wood elves., although orange or even green hues are not completely unheard of. Elven eyes are commonly brown, hazel, or an emerald green. Elves are commonly are either foul, hideous, or even horribly malformed. Though there exist exceptions that rise beyond the ugly nature of their kin. Over all, elves can be easily identified by their pointed ears, lack of body hair except eyebrows, eyelashes and hair.

While Elves mature at roughly the same rate as humans, their apparent adolescence seems to persist roughly two to three centuries. When compared against humans, elves do not show aging beyond being a change in hair color that alternatively either grays or darkens. Generally elves live from two to even staggering nine hundred years, but the fortunate or unfortunate fact remains that most elves die relatively young for their kind, often as a result of petty arguments, or due to their apparent intolerance of other races.

Abilities

Elves have a number of abilities that set them apart from other humanoid races. Elves are agile, dexterous creatures. However, their poor constitution often makes them more suspectible to common diseases and forbids them from wearing heavier armor. Their common sense also appears to be considerably less developed than with the other humanoid races. Additionally, many elves claim that they do not sleep but resort to a meditative state known as “reverie” - a claim that is not true - as elves have simply taken a habbit of sleeping, and often snoring in a meditative position.

Psychology

Elves as a race seem to lack any mental fortitude. Their moods swiftly and randomly spin from outright passions, to laughter, anger, misery, or utter bloodthirst in a matter of seconds and without an obvious external stimuli. Hence, elves are known for their impulsive behavior and as a result many see them as flighty, impetuous or even outright psychopathic. They are also infamous of having difficulty at taking some matters as seriously as other races, and when threats they recognize do arise, elves are the quickest to flee and sacrifice whoever they have sworn friendship if it can save their own skin.


What to do when encountering an elf?

• Due to their lack of common sense and impulsiviness, you should never trust but the meagrest of sums of money to an elf.
• It is pointless to try to discuss with an elf. Majority of the race seems utterly incapable of speech of any kind, and seem to genuingly exist to solely brood in their personal misery. Talking with this variety of elves usually leads to them stalking you for hours, if not days. Caution is encouraged as elves of this varierity are know from their violent natures. The other variety of elves is an utter opposite, they do not seem to know how to stop talking, and will buzz around you giggling and dancing until someone else makes the mistake of trying to discuss with one.
• Due to their long lives, elves are often skilled in various fields. However, their skills rarely surpass those of humans who have spend but a fraction of the time to master the same thing. It is adviced not to make this fact know to the elves, as they might react violently to anything that violates their often bigoted view of the world.
• It is believed that elves originate from a breed of magically mutated rabbits.
• If you are unable to discern a gender of an elf, the chances are that so does the elf itself.
• Elves also seem to have an unnatural hatred towards petunias.
• When encountering an elven arcanist, there is a 78% chance that the elf is a necromancer trying to add you to their collection of dead bodies.

[Hoihe]

Hoihe, performing the usual examination of new publications in Baldur's gate buys a copy of this book. Soon afterwards, while not destroying it, he wraps it in a set of symbolic chains and stamps the cover with a signet ring that has "false" written on it. He then proceeds to try and find this Mellowwind Hornduff Glowngood, grumbling.

On the search for this man, whom he believes to be yet another pesky gnome, he asks around from the people of Baldur's Gate and grumbles even more when one bought the book and believed it.

His grumblings are mostly: "Why is it people believe lies readily, yet deny facts as loon's words?"

((Hope you don't mind the counter RP in this topic, I can start a new topic if you want.

[Simian]

// Not at all. Keeps things neatly in one place.

[Azmodeth]

*Azmodeth reads the publication, and to another near her, who is finishing reading the same, at the same time..*

"This explains a lot, doesn't it?"

*Visibly contemplating*

"Why the other day, there was an elf, who claimed to be looking for the elven artifacts recouvered recently, for peace he explained.. but we went on protecting a Banite, a member of his travelling party, by attacking and torturing and slaughtering those around him..."
*Scoffs and shakes her heads..points to a subsection*

"This part about rabbits, is absolutely false...Snowy rabbits are MUCH cuter! Too cute for an evil bent on world destruction necromancing banite elf of Doran Amarr"

*The other beside her asks whom specifically, but Azmodeth shakes her head and replies:*

"Its not worth mentioning, honestly. I've been told he was a councilor of Doran Amarr or something like that, go figure."

[sobebop]

Gustov reads a few passages, nodding his head in agreement.

[Hoihe]

Hoihe sighs as he meets yet another citizen believing the book, and mutters..

"This is it. I'll hold a speech and set people right... "

[Alsarias]

"A shame I don't have eyes... I'm always up for a satirical piece of fiction."

[Deathgrowl]

Laitae reads the book as it finds its way to Candlekeep through acolytes or seekers, or even Hoihe. "Hard to tell if the author is insane, severely uneducated or just plain spiteful," she chuckles softly and shakes her head before placing the book back in the New Publications section.

[Wolfrayne]

Nythara sits quietly by the fireplace in her room flicking through the book. "tsk.. what is this nonsense" the mumbles to herself as she briefly flicks through its pages. Is this the kind of horse pile they allow people to sell? she thinks to herself as she reads a few paragraphs obviously not amused by the incredible lack of knowledge this author posseses.

"bah this is a waste of time" she thinks to herself as she tosses the book in the fireplace. "who in their right mind would believe the babblings of this.... idiot" She says to herself as she settles in to the chair in front of the fire.

[CrimsonMist]

In a different inn on a different part of the Trade Way, Amara Calder places the book down, unfinished, on the table, and addresses the two chuckling adventurers who interrupted her own book to show it to her.

"Evidently this is merely a sop to the uneducated masses to reassure them of their broadly held ignorant views. While the elves are not immune to foolishness - what manner of person deliberately chooses to dwell in the woods and still expects to not be treated as a simpleton, I ask you? - ... this work has clearly been compiled with the barest adherence to academic rigour. Now, go away."

Still chuckling among themselves, the two adventurers drunkenly stagger off to show another patron.

[burbles]

"Brilliant..."
Nemna was speaking to no one in particular. She read a passage aloud, giving it an amused thought. A book on elven nature she saw at a display in BG the other day was open near the middle.
"So true, methinks. Uhm, uhm."
Perusing the book, she paused to sometimes grunt approvingly or nod while she read further. The author was not particulary thorough in the way he was describing his findings, but no worse either than most other of his kind, those who thought they should be writing a book.
While she did not often advocate taking a book on a trust (and truth be known, she might have believed in surprisingly preposterous things) this here, however, was a work true and concise, as far as Nemna was concerned.
Turning the page, she glanced around seeing if any visitors were close enough to overhear. And if there were elves present - unlikely thought, to find an elf in the library.
"Oh, good. If there be some advice on what to..."
She welcomed a change this book offered, and the practicality that might help, if she would deal with more elves in the future.
The book was not large, the number of unread pages dwindled by the minute; Nemna thought she may refer to it again later...
Looking at the last, she propped her chin on a hand.
"Little wonder, there be no elves with Mirari. But is there a book like this on.. gnomes?"

[BlueHero45]

"Interesting, there used to be books like this around 27 DR with the Shoon Imperium. Of course this was before they decided they would purge their lands and neighbors of Elves, Dwarves, and gnomes. It was not long before they started to purge their own citizens for any perceived differences in their own blood. Such bloodshed can cause even the most bitter enemies to unite and fight the evil, and that is how the empire ended. The land that was once Shoon is now known as Amn. So i say this book is about 1300 years too late, and bit too far north. "

[Nomster]

After reading the Treatise on Elven Nature, Telia Navra returns to the Shelf of Many Books in the Gate to ask the librarian there if they are aware if the author will release more books in the same form of the other races.

[Bad Omens]

A dark cowled figure emerges from the fields of grain and enters the city of Baldur's Gate. It's lithe frame, careful but determined strides, make it seem to glide across the cobblestone paths. The being moves directly to the Shelf of Many Books. It slides through the doorway and without a question toward the librarian, walks over to the shelf of newly released publications.

The being takes the book, "Treatise on Elven Nature" and presumes to move toward darkest part of the library. The dark cloaked figure could be seen standing within this corner intently studying the material until the early evening hours.

Then, it was time for the Many Books to close, the dutiful librarian remembering the strange figure off in the corner, moved to warn him of it's imminent closing. The librarian finds nothing is there, where the figure once stood.........

((So, the hunt to find this author begins ))