Never Again Forget - Saint Merielle Silene

[Arbitrayal]

\\ Well I've yet to actually meet Merielle in-game but if the rp is a fraction of what the stories here are in quality, then by George (who's George, anyway?) it must be alot of fun. Look forward to more stories, and I wanna stress what's already been said. Fantastic. \\

[LeslieMS]

//Well, presently sick... but when I am in game... I am still a noob level one. So hunt me down when I log in... I will likely be marveling at the size of the city. RP is great at early levels folks, and if you want some good conversation find me =) //

[LeslieMS]

[THIRTEENTH ENTRY]
A Choice to Stay

A Lathandarite named Espen offered to show me about the city a bit, and then he took me to dinner. It was a lovely evening, and the food was a great improvement over my traveling rations and Deer meat that my diet consisted of during the trip from Trademeet. After such a long trip, albeit uneventful… I think I shall stay in or at least near Baldur’s Gate for a time… perhaps while I am on the coast, and once I feel brave and skilled enough to travel, I shall visit Candlekeep..

I think perhaps he shall make a good friend in the future. If he remains, that is… so many come and go. I think I shall enjoy my stay here in Baldur’s Gate very much. By Ilmater’s will, perhaps I can even do some good here. I have a few coins in my pocket… I should like to seek out the scarlet-haired gentleman and make sure I do not owe him a debt from my folly.

I find it is not nearly as difficult to make friends as I once thought it might be… Though it is so much different than anything I have ever dealt with. In the Underdark there are those who wish harm, and those who are harmed, and those who chose to suffer that others may not… Then in my years in the temple… there are those who help, those who seek help, and those whose duty it is to help… but it is not the same as striking up a conversation for the sake of ‘making friends.’ A welcome change of pace indeed, and a skill I look forward to improving. I have so much to learn. Ah… yes. The days ahead hold much promise.

But for now I must rest. It is late… a brief respite from the waking world is in order. It is my prayer and hope that my dreams will not be troubling reminders of the dark corners of the world. I shall make me some tea as Iliara taught me. I have grown rather fond of tea. The beauty of it is that I can add any number of beneficial herbs to treat most troubles I might have. I have gathered enough herbs on my trip… and there is a fireplace in my room, tea shall do wonders for sleep…
~~

[LeslieMS]

//
The writting only takes on the life that my fellow players (or DMs) allow it to have. If you enjoy the story so far, and have no qualms about being part of it, by all means... seek me out for some RP =)
The beauty of online play is that Everyone is a part of a story somewhere =)
(that and its pretty dull for me to just grind monsters, especially at the low levels of noobville)

[LeslieMS]

[FOURTEENTH ENTRY]
Communication is Key

Well I ran into a number of interesting folks today… passed a bit of conversation, and practiced my weapon skills against the wolves again. I think I am improving just the barest breadth of a bit. It feels good to attain new knowledge and to improve on that which I already have. Though, weapons feel clumsy to me, perhaps it may be I am not meant to fight with such things?

It seems far too easy to garner a gentleman’s attention. I was given flowers today. Not that any girl would be unhappy about such, but romance is hardly a wise path for me to walk now. I shall have to be careful to not mislead him in some way, or to allow any similar bit of confusion. I would not want things to get all to quickly out of hand. Still it was a kind gesture, that as far as I can tell was well meaning.

I was introduced me to a woman… very exotic. Her name… and I hope I am spelling this right… was Valkis or something similar in phonetics. She spoke a language unlike any I had ever heard before… though I did learn a few words, and we did manage to learn each other’s names… I should like to learn more from her if she has the patience to teach me… though I fear my grasp of her language is slow at best. It did sound quite fascinating though…

Also I ran into the scarlet haired man again… Whose name I now have penned next to the sketch of his face and description… along with several others. He offered to show me the way to Candlekeep in the future… Candlekeep! No grander thing can I imagine than that of a whole fortress for the housing of knowledge! It is the whole reason Brother Dracius insisted I keep those few Drow tomes that I spirited away when we left the Underdark all those years ago… ‘To hold such remnants of the past may indeed be the key to future knowledge…’ Perhaps he was once again right in his wisdom. Perhaps some day I shall find myself surrounded by the knowledge and wisdom those hallowed walls no doubt possess. It would be grand indeed!

Esen spoke of Drow and worse… and once again bid me caution… and with good reason I am sure. Still I fear I would rather not meet that which is worse than the Drow… I know that not all of them are outright evil or cruel…but in all my life I met two who were not… as opposed to the hundreds whose infinite gratitude I owe for my scarred countenance… I shudder at the mere thought that the Multi-verse could offer that which is worse than Lolth’s best.
~~

I have explored the slightest bit of Baldur’s Gate in these last few days… and I find it occupies my mind far much more than the nightmares of the past… sleep comes easier of late.

I watched a rather arrogant pair banter today with the scarlet haired man… a fine featured elven gentleman… and he was subjected to insinuation and inquiry of his heritage… which he took remarkably well in stride. Esen is rather quick with his wit… no doubt his mind is as sharp as his eyes… It is unsettling how quickly he measured up my own discomfort in my own skin. He seemed to notice all too easily the awkwardness with which I am adjusting to life away from slavery. I must be more mindful that my guard not drop so easily nor that it be so transparent lest I have the misfortune of those who would exploit such things. Esen seems a trustworthy sort, which is a balm to the worry at how easily he sees the truth behind my mannerisms.

Do I really think so little of myself? I would like to think I am merely humble… as one should be both humble and modest. Perhaps I am not yet used to seeing myself on the same level as those who walk the streets freely along side me yet? As I said confidence does come with accomplishment, and accomplishment will come in time. I shall grow used to my role as Meri the faithful of Ilmater and not Meri the slave girl… I am a healer in the service of Mercy now… not an object utilized by masters and mistresses… I am indeed a person, and it is a blessing I shall not likely take for granted.

I have been told that it is rare to see someone smile so much as I do… but perhaps if they understood why I smiled, they too could learn to find joy in the simple things that are so often taken for granted? Let me teach them to smile at a kind word… to smile at a passing stranger for the sake of brightening their day… to smile at the sunrise in its beauty… a child in its innocence… So often are such precious gifts taken for granted… and they do not even realize how valuable they are, or how easily they can be lost… It is my prayer that I may teach them to smile… For that would be the greatest gift, and the greatest mercy I could offer them… Simple Joy…

I wonder at what the dawn shall bring, but for now I must be content in the quiet passing of the night, and hopefully a good nights rest. Sleep does come easier… That herbal tea is a blessing…

I hope that those dear to me in Trademeet are well, and that Ilmater watch over them. I do miss them, but I know that they would want me to learn as much as I am able. After all it was Brother Dracius who teasingly told me to stay out of small towns for at least a year hmm? I trust his wisdom, that these experiences are what I need to grow stronger that I may better serve Ilmater’s cause, and better benefit those in need.


(A few brief sketches and descriptions are folded between the pages here. The sketches are surprisingly detailed, though hastily done, there are notes on features and such that should not be forgotten. Also pressed between the pages are several drawings with phonetic words and some images with the following of note: )

-ValQis, proper spelling. Odd alphabet? Exotic… strange language… would like to learn more. Teach her common? Perhaps drawings would help…
~~

[LeslieMS]

[FIFTHTEENTH ENTRY]
Faces, Places, Blessed Graces

Ilmater has blessed me with new knowledge and improved skill… Though it was as a result to my perseverance and faith. I truly wonder if this mace will ever feel right in my hands? The path will be clearer as I walk no doubt. Mercy guides my steps it seems. I was also granted a boon of friends today. Several new faces, as well as a reminder that things cannot always be taken wholly at face value. Though perhaps these people of the Surface may be considered less treacherous than the Drow? Sometimes it is hard to tell… Must be mindful of mages, they seem rather prolific on the Coast… hopefully they are not all power-mad. As I traveled to the camp ground on the road heading away from Baldur’s Gate, I was greeted by a strange sight.

At first the towering giant was rather unsettling, but it was soon evident I only need fear getting splashed as the behemoth threw his friend into the river. I was briefly worried of being stepped on… but then the creature turned into a man! Arcane art is so very frightening at times… if not unusual. In all my time with the Red Wizard, never did I see him change his form. If they also have the power to hide forms… Wizards that is… that is rather unnerving to consider. I often witnessed The Thayan summon demons, and those demons and other creatures called from the planes could change shape… but never did he. I must say… I have nothing but a healthy respect for Arcana and the like… but I fear the hands that use it. Still I have seen magic used for good cause, and these days it bothers me less to see out and about.

The shape-changing wizard seemed to be in good terms with another who introduced himself as Grant… They had a great deal of fun with the Giant form, and I had to laugh at the whole ordeal, as it was undeniably amusing… Once the uneasy bits passed of course. Though poor Grant was quite water logged by the conclusion of his little prank, it was evident that the pair… wizard included, was rather benign.

I ran into a pair briefly In the afternoon thereafter, a wizardly sort and his traveling companion… seemed a dwarf. As well as a spider which he referred to as his familiar… Not a trained creature, nor a pet, nor a one time summon. Apparently the same creature can be summoned over and over… how strange, and perhaps unfortunate for the creature? To be at the beckon and call of another… regardless of want or desire… seems a form of slavery to me. But perhaps before I pass such judgments I should understand it more. They departed soon and left me to continue my work by the fireside.

Later that evening I was approached by a smaller woman named Selaya, who is a priestess of Selune with an interest in ore. She had such very pale skin, and her eyes looked as though she spent far too much time reading in dull light, or not enough time sleeping. I did not learn very much about her, with the exception that she is a skilled priestess, and skilled in combat. She seemed quiet during our travels… Focused on the goals at hand. Seems to be a very driven woman. She seemed equally pleased when I addressed her as ’Miss’ though what ever reason remains her own. Still she was a kind sort, and offered to let me come along with her and her group as they headed out to search for combat practice. There is no shortage of foes on the open country roads it seems, and I learned a great deal… Most importantly I learned that firs impressions are not always correct.

Shep the gentleman I met the day before… Is actually a skilled swordsmen with a very pleasant demeanor. He is a member of the Order of the Reddest Rose, who I am told is affiliated with the Goddess Sune. He is a quiet man, rather fond of his pipe… with an unpleasant sounding habit of ‘Limbering up’ by sounding as though he is breaking his own neck. Still I found him not the least bit haughty, and in possession of a healthy sense of humor. I look forward to future travels.

We Traveled out to a mine in the south… where we met up with two others… A wild looking sort with a fierce affinity to combat… He was very quiet most of the time, and went by Greg? I think was his name? He does not seem the social type, but perhaps it is merely because the occasion did not present itself. Perhaps I can get to know him a bit better if the future allows for such.

And a priestess of Torm, Erica. She is a skilled priestess indeed, and equally good in battle. I felt safe knowing she was watching my back and looking over me. Her nature was kind and very calming… which was a boon given our environment. I would be pleased to call her friend and learn more of her when time permits.

Our band, five strong, three of which were skilled in the divine arts, and two who seemed more martially trained for combat, headed off southward. We came upon some reptilian creatures, some gnolls and lizard folk… Our destination: a mine. As we neared our destination we were surprised by a large bear and an equally large cat… A short battle ensued as it seemed the beast meant to attack, and we come to find out that it was some sport of naturalist who had ‘shifted’ into the form of a bear. I had heard of druids that did such things but never before seen it in action… After a brief delay we continued onward.

I have not ventured into the dark spaces below the surface since that day Brother Dracius led me out… and I will admit was more than a little wary of traveling below. Still my companions were a steadfast bastion of courage, and I pressed on. I feel in some small way I overcame a bit of fear this day… Even though it was hard not to freeze with fear at the sight of an Umberhulk… at least there were no mind flayers or Drow, a fact that I am eternally grateful for.

While my combat skills were lacking, they did improve, and I managed to stay out of trouble. I really learned a bit watching the others fight, and as the day progressed gathered the confidence to join the fighting. I fared well, buoyed by the confident enthusiasm of the others, as they were generous in praise and encouragement, as well as advice. I was able to put my skills as a healer to use on occasion, and even my skill with stitching wounds improved this day. Seleya found the ore she needed, and we finally made our way back up out of the mine.

Erica intended to head to Candlekeep, and we were invited to come along! Though our stay was brief… I did get to see the beautiful fortress, and intend to return, now that I know the way, and next time I shall bring my books. So much knowledge in one place! Truly fascinating! I should very much like to return one day, and stay at length, should the opportunity present itself.

After a trip back to Baldur’s Gate in the company of Shep and Seleya, and a short visit around the campfire… Seleya headed off to deliver her ore, and I soon thereafter headed off to the inn for some much needed rest.

(There are several sketches with descriptions as well as a map of the routes taken that day folded neatly into the pages.)
~~

[LeslieMS]

[SIXTEENTH ENTRY]
Looking Beneath the Surface

The day passed well. I learned. To learn is the greatest accomplishment we can strive to, for if we cease to learn… we cease to live. I started with my usual, donating what I could to the Ilmatari shrine, that they may continue the work of our patron. I then spent some time in prayer. After these activities, and feeling renewed, I stepped out into the night. I set out in no particular direction… but inevitably ended up beneath the stars before the camp at the edge of the city.

Drow seem to be a problem, even so close to the city. Though I do not wish to say such… it is foolish to deny it. The very mention of the dark elves puts me on edge. Nothing should be judged by appearance… but by deed. Is that not the teachings of the priests? Can there be any good in a race bred for pain and hatred? I would hope so, for their sake… but I cannot say I have the resolve to seek out that glimmer of hope in the darkness. Still, there was Jhanbryn'da… But even now I wonder… Did she aid us because there was good in her heart? Or simply because in doing so she would benefit more than if she did not? I find myself wondering now… Could I offer mercy in the name of Ilmater… even to a Drow? Help all those in need… no matter the cost… All those in need… Could I stand in that test of faith? I pray to Ilmater, ask even this of me… That I have the strength not to fail such a test.

An evening spent in discussion of theology and philosophy reveals to me that I have many unhealed wounds… Yes the wounds of the body have healed… The scars, some now faded completely, some buried beneath others… The body heals easily. Faith heals the spirit… but the mind? The Heart? Some wounds are still painful. I know that the Fates have guided me where I need be… and in that I do not doubt that perhaps the path was justified to some end. After all, how can one truly practice Mercy if one has never understood it fully? To suffer so that one may understand the suffering she is to assuage.

Is it selfish to miss a family I do not know? I know a mother and baby sister was carelessly ripped away… but I Know them not… Where there brothers? A father at one time? What of friends? I can not even remember a time of true kindness before Brother Dracius and Iliara led me from the depths of the shadowed places. I care for them deeply… my only true family I know. I grieve the blessings I had, but cannot count because I cannot remember them. Is that selfish? Or perhaps I merely wish to know the -start- of my path… maybe I am to hard on myself?

I look through this journal… I see the many faces I have drawn… the many names that I commit to these pages… I wish not to forget them… I can honestly say that I do not wish to forget the dark, painful stretches of the past, for without them… I could not appreciate the finer things in the way I now do.

A smile in passing. To bring peace to the eyes of a hungry soul by passing along not only bread, but kindness… The song of birds, the breezes that dance across the lands… Even the dawn, the stars in their infinite number… A friend to pass the time with… All these things, so easily taken for granted without the perspective and clarity the past brings to light.
~~

Esen wished to speak of faith and such. He also wished to speak more of the past. Faith was easy honesty, but I found myself skirting the past with careful words. The morning passed as we sat and talked of Theology and philosophy. I have become skilled at wording things in such a way that I may convey my message without conveying my heart in any great detail… Though I fear that someday others will become wise to such word games. Esen has yet to press further in his curiosity though, and I am grateful for now, of the respite. An indirect question in turn warrants an indirect answer.

We spoke at length before he offered to escort me to Beregost that I might make some coins performing a service for the local blacksmith. I gratefully accepted, while I haven‘t many needs, coin is an unavoidable necesity. The journey passed easily with only minor trouble from goblins and other such creatures. I was given the opportunity to demonstrate my lack of skill in combat, but it was also a chance to demonstrate both good natured humor and persistence, so it worked out well enough.

We ran into an injured man, and his fallen companion, and I offered my aid. I was able to heal the injured man's wounds… the man who fell… I have no skill with the recalling of dead, but I prayed for his soul none the less… By the grace of mercy, and surely not by any act of my own… the man returned from death's embrace… Can I say it was my faith and prayer that returned him? Perhaps, though if it was, I know not how to duplicate it.

As our journey passed it became apparent that Esen is skilled with magics… it seems to come naturally to him. He is gifted in the Arcane arts in a way that no wizard could ever touch upon. He pays heed to Mystra, he feels a kinship to the Weave. It was daunting to see him work with the magic around us, to shape it to its will. But it was not unsettling in the way that the Red Wizard would fling spells… nor did it feel irresponsible and careless as he worked. He seems noble in spirit, which is a rare enough thing in my experience. His kindness may well be a debt I am unable to pay, but I shall endeavor to make good use of the opportunities for knowledge that he offers.

We also ran into a man who seemed to be fighting a shadow of himself… while I was not entirely sure what was going on, he did ask for aid. I did do my best to stop his bleeding, though his wounds were quite serious. I stitched well enough to hold him together until he could get to a place to better tend his wounds, and an inn so that he could rest.

The night's venture was profitable on top of the knowledge gained, and I took advantage of the coins to better equip myself and re-supply my bandages. I shall take what I do not need and give it to the temple. I can truly say I have never held so much coin before… it makes me wary… though it is an amount which is apparently change to others… it is far more than I will need. Besides, with the bandits on the Tradeway, carrying around more than a few coins is an invitation to trouble.

I am left pleasantly tired, and wondering what the new day shall bring in knowledge and hope. May my heart be strong and my temperament gentle. Faith by Mercy… may I not fail.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[SEVENTEENTH ENTRY]
A question of faith…

As I sat near the campfire idly chatting with passers by and the 'resident guardsmen' Beren Cross, the entire encampment was beset by Drow… unsettling enough… but there were driders! I did not do so well in battle… fear clutched at me in a way I did not expect. I know I was at the very least knocked unconscious at one point. Fortunately, Ilmater watches over me, and I was in the company of capable fighters. Though I would not be surprised if they told me to stand back the next time, pray there is not a next time. I am certainly no fighter. Still, no one said a cross word about my lack of skill, and soon our foes were no more…

The portal that they were using to summon demons quickly fell apart, and blessedly things were able to resume a quieter pace. Still my conduct when faced with a frightening aspect of my past… Ilmater grant me strength that I may overcome such a trial. Grant your servant the strength to do your work! I shall not fail so easily in the future. I should never assume the foul shadows are well behind me… At least none of these were familiar. Thank the mercies great and small for that…
~~

I also over the course of the rest of the day spent a great deal of time with the woman valQis, I have narrowed down her origin and made a great deal of progress in bridging the two languages. I also think I have unraveled her past a bit. As I understand it she started out somewhere in the trackless sea… sailed for two months… there was a battle of some sort on the ship, and the ship sank. She was then later picked up by another vessel and brought to Baldur's Gate. From the ease with which she works with maps I would be inclined to say she dealt with them regularly as part of her duties… perhaps the navigation of the ship?

The good news is that from her gestures and pictures I have pieced enough together to find out where exactly she was from… which if I can narrow down her origin, perhaps I can find some resources on her native language… In doing that I can better find a way to teach her common. And maybe some maps
~~

I should be sleeping… and instead I am wide awake in the middle of the night pouring over my notes and maps… searching for… well… I don’t really know what it is I hope to glean… so long as I do not have to entertain sleep. I thought that surely I would be too tired to stay awake in bed… but as my tossing and turning soon fell into a restless and haunted sleep, it was evident that rest was out of the question.

What in the name of all that is merciful made me think I was ready to leave the temple cloisters? I know next to nothing of combat! Next to nothing about anything really. Perhaps I am simply addled by the encounter today? Yes that is likely it… after all its been years since I have seen a Drider. It was unsettling that after dealing with so much that the sight of a Drider could give me pause. A pause that nearly well cost me my life. I must draw on an inner strength and faith. It seems Drow and their ilk raiding are common here around Baldur’s Gate. If I do wish to stay I must become used to such things, and be prepared to face them.
~~

The people here are… unique. So many sorts pass through here looking for adventure. Indeed many come through here looking for such… It’s hard to explain, but I think maybe my place is here. I have been offered residency within the humble little shrine to the Broken God. It seemed… -right- to accept it. It felt right.

This place has its share of troubles, and no shortage of adventurers willing to deal with it… Materialistic sorts looking for fame and fortune. Much of Mercy’s work can be done here, and there are few hands willing to do so. I should write Brother Dracius. I do miss them terribly, and would not mind his advice. I wish to understand this urging I feel… Is my path truly so closely guided? Or am I seeing more than is there? Perhaps it is some small effort on my part to make sense of all that has come before? Or perhaps Lady Iliara is right… Perhaps there is something there that none of us yet understand?
~~

[LeslieMS]

[EIGHTEENTH ENTRY]
Candlekeep?

How long have I been on the Coast? At least several tenday. The place never seems to be short of troubles or surprises… and already this has begun to surprise me less. The people are a motley and unique grouping of eccentrics and eclectic sorts. No shortage of mischief makers and ne’er do wells either… Some folks seem good sorts at least. I find myself wondering who can be trusted, who should be… it is difficult to tell sometimes, still it seems a fair number are good sorts. I am thankful it is not my place to judge people as I am loathe to misjudge. I’ve my faith, and thus far that has yet to guide me wrongly… So I am certain that whatever comes, I will endure it.

Though hopefully it is easier to endure than some of the men about the coast. Everything from the overly gentlemanly to the absolutely foppish. Crude sorts, to sorts that you can tell aim to impress. I wonder if any of them ever think to present themselves as they are, and not as they think women wish to see them as?

Well, today I went from writer… to a wife… then bride to another… all in good humor at my expense, which was innocuous enough to take with a grain of salt. The men about certainly have odd senses of humor. No doubt laughter is good for the soul… Indeed. Me a bride? And they didn’t seem to understand the humor of it. I find the whole idea sadly laughable. I am hardly the type to be considered ‘romance-able’, not that it is stopping -several- from trying… Or that it will lend them any measure of success.

My training is going well. I am getting used to the city at least, and some of its inhabitants… even the passing adventurous sorts. So far? Many of them are a great deal of trouble, minor trouble, mostly mischief, but trouble all the same. I need rest. I am feeling cynical and trite.
~~

I took a great sum of gold to the temple of Ilmater on behalf of Beren Cross… the man who is often seen standing guard at the bridge near the campsite. I am not sure for the reason behind his generosity, but it is a blessing either way. It should supply the temple with a great deal of healing supplies and food.

I spent some more time with valQis today too, and showed her a map of the coastal waters and immediate oceans… while it has helped to further unravel her tale… I must however find a map of the Trackless Sea as the map I had did not go far enough out to encompass her home. I do wish to find out as much as I can so that I may help her learn to communicate better since she is here for now… We have made much slow progress, and I am very confident that my goal will be reached in good time.

As the day wore on I found myself heading off to Candlekeep with the man named Myhun… Who I now know is the ‘Guide of Candlekeep‘, which I gather is an official title of sorts. He is a unique man with a southerly accent. Well… perhaps… The closest to which I have heard, is in similarity to the accent of the Slavers from Calimport. He did indeed claim to be from Calimport. His name though… suggests otherwise. Likely I am jumping to odd conclusions though. He seems an odd but tolerable sort, and for now… so far out of my element, I am short on those I may seek out for aid. Besides, the wide-eyed girl in me couldn’t pass up another chance to see Candlekeep.

The initial trip to Candlekeep was brief though… Through some feat of the arcane, that I haven’t the mind to understand… He summoned an image on a mirror. A friend of his, in dire need of aid, and he seemed to know where this image was. He asked my aid as a healer. My skills to mend are far better than my skills to fight, fortunately. And so we began a hasty trip northward. When we happened upon his friend. I was a bit taken aback by his state… Something foul was at work, and praying my hands were steady and gentle… I moved about to stabilize him, for he was in most dire straights as it were. Some sort of foul magic or something…

Whatever left him in such a state also took the life of his companion… though I know not how their fates were entwined, He seemed greatly pained by the news of her death. May all that is merciful ease the suffering of both body and heart. We got him steady enough to walk and made our way back to Candlekeep. Thank Ilmater and all that is merciful, I seem to have done more good than not, and his health should be vastly improved by morning.

The tale of what led the Elven man to such plight was distressing at best, but should I be called to aid in the future, I shall do what I can without hesitation. Pray I have strength enough to act as I am needed to do so. What the future holds is uncertain to me, but I shall walk in Mercy and keep my faith strong.
~~

After an attempt at some much needed rest, I walked about Candlekeep a bit. I ran into Myhun again, and there was no shortage of topics to discuss. The man we saw to the day before, Trademeet, and other such things. Somewhere in the turn of conversation, we returned to the topic of my love for books. I do love them… I love to read them… I love to learn from them.

He asked about my writing. My careful commitment in putting memory to parchment, that it is not lost to absence of mind. Similarly my skill at capturing an image… What was once a task done of need, and fear of losing memory of something precious, has become a passion, a labor of the heart, undertaken in joy. A pastime I have grown fond of… and now, it seems perhaps a source of good work.

He offered me a place here in this hallowed place of knowledge. He wishes to make good use of both my skills with a quill, and my knowledge of healing. I am honored by his request. I would be foolish to refuse such an offer. Perhaps it will be a good way for me to learn some other things for now? I will have to think on it carefully. Having allies in such a place can hardly be a bad idea. Of course my duty to Ilmater is first and foremost, which I have been assured that the tasks for the keep will not interfere. One with talent to heal is needed within the walls. It has even been offered that I make my home in Candlekeep, and consider I taking up the mantle of scribe within the walls. It is much to think on indeed.

I shall see to the Elven man in the morning. For now it grows late. I could do well with a meal and a cup of tea… or two or three… perhaps half a pot… and an attempt at sleep again. If anything the events of the day should be an interesting alternative to my usual span of nightmarish memories.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[NINETEENTH ENTRY]
First impressions and the daggers that follow

A great deal of things have happened of late, and far more than I have made note of… I have not been as meticulous with my notes as I should have been. I fear small details have been forgotten, and I pray that isn’t a detriment.

There are some things I should take care of. I shall set out in the morning intent on catching up on a great number of things, but first I shall visit the temple. Hopefully as the day passes, that which remains in the shadow of forgetfulness will be brought to new light, and I can move forward from there…
~~

Morning passed into afternoon, and I found myself back in Baldur’s Gate. Back at the small merchant encampment speaking with Cross. The conversation with Cross took an odd turn as he began speaking to that which I could not see. This set me on edge, of course but perhaps it wasn’t enough… Or perhaps there was no preventing what was to come. He warned me of my well-being, and I rose to leave. Thinking perhaps this was some quarrel I would do well to stay out of… I heard a whisper from behind:

‘Sorry love, its his fault…’

Then darkness. I rose weary... As though the blade that found its way into my spine was laced with a toxin. It left me drained and out of sorts. The woman responsible for my state was caught, albeit briefly, but long enough for me to place her face in my 'memory'. I know not what her issue with Cross is, but it seems I was drawn down out of her spite for him. Justice will find her, and perhaps even redemption. All things in time. We will see.

(A sketch is on the facing page with the name ‘Ria’ penned in beneath it, while it isn‘t a very detailed sketch, it captures her eyes beneath the shade of her hood.)
~~

Aside from all of this, duty continues. There are a few who are even interested in Ilmater’s faith… and since there are few about to teach of it, this has fallen to me. I am hardly a great orator, or good at philosophical speeches… However, so far it has flowed much like friendly conversation with questions and answers. The answers come from the heart, from the faith that is more a part of me that most could understand, and that eases such.

There is another thing of note... Esen has informed me to seek out the Gatewarden of Candlekeep as she wishes to interview me. I cannot recall her name, but he said I could not mistake her accent. The way he puts it I am the center of much talk, which I hope not, but I do look forward to what doors this shall all open. It feels strange to be regarded so highly, and decent modesty bids me caution that I do not become arrogant. I cannot say I am entirely comfortable with all the attention, but It is preferable to the past, to not be treated as an item only as useful as the screams it can produce or the tasks it can complete. Every experience is an opportunity to learn, and every day that passes I become more comfortable in my role as Merielle Williams the Person, and further from Merielle Williams the property.

Iliara’s tea is hardly strong enough… If the nightmares do not keep me from my rest, the questions and curiosities do… Still, I must try. I am no good to anyone, least of all Ilmater, without sleep. I cannot help but wonder of this woman who all but delivered me to the Dead God’s city… If she were sorry… why still attempt to bury her dagger in my back? Maybe someone should teach the woman a better method of making a point. I know some are debase and evil inherently, but perhaps there is more to her than meets the eye. We will see… I am sure our paths will cross again.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWENTIETH ENTRY]
A rare thing indeed

Well the last few days have been a series of small mishaps ranging from restless farm animals to exploding cows… Yes… Exploding cows… will the wonders of the Coast NEVER cease? Gnomes should not be given power and … such thought processes. This one sought to skip the steps between slaughter and cooking… Self cooking cows, and chickens… What an absolute disaster. There were burns to treat, and it wasn’t a pleasant scene.

Fortunately, the day ranged to less outlandish things too like learning a few more words of Val’s language… I have now given her a great deal of pictures of common words to illustrate the meaning of some, and help her learn better. It seems to be helping so perhaps I will continue the practice until I find a better way to teach her.

In respect to finding that better way… I set out with what started as a rather small group, and ended as a rather large group heading off to try and find more information. I was hoping to catch Myhun or Joan, but they were not present at the keep. So, it seems that maps shall have to wait. Not to worry, we’ve nothing but time.

I continued to travel with Val and the group all the way Beregost. We passed the evening learning a bit more of each other‘s cultures, which is a bit confusing to say the least. It is obvious some things are still lost in translation, but a good deal of progress is slowly made. It was a pleasant way to pass the evening. The hour grew late, and as usual, others found need of rest while I found need to avoid it. Sleep may not always come so uneasily to me, but for now I loathe the moment when dreams are allowed to run through my mind. So I busied myself with writing and sketching.

Fortunately, I found good company when I ran out of things to write or draw. The gentleman Tessian… ah, I forget his last name, but yes I know now he can be called gentleman. He is quirky, with an almost endless sense of humor. At first I was wary of his lighthearted ways as he is cheerful almost to the point of madness, but now, I see him as a decent enough fellow. He has brought breakfast to a whole new light. I can scarce contemplate a morning meal without hearing some strange tale involving dwarves and bacon running through my mind. An uncanny first impression, furthered by the fact that he seems to fit his banter to the needs of those around him… or babble endlessly for the sake of laughter and cheer.

It was refreshing however to see that he did indeed possess a serious side, and I know now that he can be trusted in battle, if the situation warrants it. A leisurely walk got a bit less leisurely when we attracted the attention of some goblins and worgs. He truly is a gentleman though, and he doesn’t ring false like so many others. At the very least, he is more amusing than most bards I have met… He has a very odd sense of humor, but he is not a bad sort. These days, the humor is a welcome change of pace.

Others however are not so easy to read, and even those who are transparent do not so easily gain my trust these days. I am learning to be caring and merciful without being foolish and naïve which is a lesson that comes harshly and slowly, but it is a lesson well learned. And one I have yet to master gracefully. As it were, life is a harsh teacher and has no qualms about repeating lessons if the student is slow to grasp them…

Great power, great money, great amounts of anything in excess should not be trusted. Nor the people who hold great amounts of any I find that while I am not home sick for Trademeet, I do wish for stability, which the Coast seems to lack by any standard… I am all but agreed to taking a position at Candlekeep, and I look forward to the opportunities that it holds. A home, work and a chance to do the work of Ilmater, more than enough to make me happy…

Still after the bustle and business of the last couple of days, I do look forward to returning to Baldur’s Gate for a while. Beregost is a lovely village, despite the goblins I think I shall head out in the morning, maybe stopping off at Candlekeep before I make my way back to the city. Who knows what adventures will emerge with the light of morning? After all, these lands are anything but dull… and what small bits of calm there are, usually precede some storm or another.
~~

I finished some new drawings, one of which I think I shall send back to Trademeet for Iliara and Brother Dracius. I should likely write them again, though I wonder why I have yet to hear from them of late…? I hope it is because the Hand of Mercy keeps them occupied and not because something is amiss. I suppose the journey is not far from Baldur’s Gate. If I have not heard from them soon, I shall make my way home to see if all is well. I pray that Ilmater grant them strength in whatever they do… and may they travel well.

Perhaps I am more homesick than I wish to admit to? Still there is no need to go rushing back so long as things are well. Perhaps I have been too idle, and no doubt something to occupy my mind shall remedy the situation. The road is long and morning shall come soon, so I suppose I must get some sleep… First I think I shall make some tea.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWENTY-FIRST ENTRY]
Learning experiences

How is it that with some answers to some questions, there are always more questions requiring more answers? And why must some people be so contradictory? I spoke at length with Esen today. He had a good deal of information for me, which with any hope I shall not need. Still it is nice to understand what I may be dealing with should the situation call for such knowledge. The undead are frightful things, vampires especially. This Countess could be a problem, but hopefully… Mercy willing, she is not.

Then we spoke of more personal things, faith particularly, again. I feel that I personally came to understand a few things that I had not before as I tried to explain them to him. I have in him a good friend, and I do pray that I do not offend him further. Before we spoke it seemed he was upset from our last meeting. Fortunately he is as quick to forgive as he is to lose his temper. It is inevitable when a pair of red-heads have a conversation over easily ignitable topics that something goes awry and someone walks away with singed pride. Seems there is no exception in our case.

I have much to learn in dealing with others. People can be so confusing! Esen for example: He was rather upset that I did not seem to care enough for myself over others. I am not used to placing myself over anything or anyone. Still he is right: I am no longer a slave. I am unused to someone caring about what I think or feel, much less giving it any consideration. He was adamant about me making up my mind. In this case, on whether or not I wanted his help with the vampire.

While I cannot help but worry for his wellbeing, at the same time I am grateful for such a valuable ally. He is a most mysterious sort, and leaves me wondering what thoughts move through his mind... He is a good man at heart, but he seems pensive. Time will tell as to whether or not he is more open. For now I am content in knowing that I have at my side a very good friend both in a pinch, and when I need a good strong dose of honesty.

Though I fear that humility to the fault I seem to carry it… as he is inclined to believe… will forever frustrate him. As will a willingness to give and a dogma and duty he has yet to grasp. He gets… protective… in a way I am not used to. It worries me, because I truly hope he isn’t seeking more than a dear friend. My heart has no want for more than that, and I have done my best to make that clear. We will see, I will simply have to step carefully for now until more truth comes to light on the matter.

We made our way to Candlekeep, in hopes that I could speak to Myhun on some matters, but he was unavailable. I shall stay the night here and then tomorrow perhaps go work on my combat skills if Myhun is again unavailable.

We ran into Colt on our way to Candlekeep... I worry for him... For some reason the last few times we have crossed paths, he has not spoken a word. He is hard on books... I had to give him another copy on the doctrines of Ilmatari faith. So much to put into ink, I pray he does not lose this one. I do hope he is at least learning if by nothing else then by example. I should likely find time to talk with him at length to gauge both his seriousness with the faith and his understanding. I can lead by example all day long, but if he does not understand why things are the way they are, then he may never learn. He is a quirky character to say the least, and I do hope for his benefit that I am able to impart on him, a bit of kindness. Though sometimes I think he is loathe to learn like a child in school, I hope he does not give up on it.

I truly wonder if he means to learn of something such as faith… much less the ways of Mercy… or if he merely seeks to buy himself time? It is too early to tell. Though at this rate, he shall quickly wear even my patience thin. I do hope for his sake that he seeks to learn to improve himself. Would that all could be redeemed there would be no need for Tyr’s Justice and Torm’s protection. For now it is not my place to judge.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWENTY-SECOND ENTRY]
Too Much Excitement for One Day…

Today was a day of pleasant conversations and not so pleasant firsts.
It started out with some grand conversation with Aleilsum. I once again danced the dance of avoidance. What good could come of burdening another heart? Though I could see his curiosity plainly, he was kind enough not to pry over much.

The conversation evolved as we were joined by the wild Elven druidess, Cat. She is a most interesting, albeit odd woman. She is young for an elf, and so full of passion for nature and all within it. She has invited me to her wedding in a month. I am sure the joyous occasion will also prove most interesting, as I have never been to a wedding, much less an Elven one.

From there we headed away from the little sapling grove to the camp… That little grove, so carefully tended. Out of respect for the Elves its beauty shall not be marred by my quill and clumsy hand. It truly was a lovely place, peaceful. The campfire was bustling this morning, and those with the skill had already begun filling the area with the scents of good food. I realized I was rather hungry, and was looking forward to eating. Unfortunately the calm of the early morning did not carry over. There was some sort of confrontation between Aleilsum and a Halfling that he referred to as ‘the mind rapist’… I had a vague recollection of Illithid, but said nothing. He promptly threw the little fellow in the river… and things got a bit testy around the camp. Perhaps it was the high tensions that fueled the argument between Cat and her betrothed, Tuk. Not wishing to fan the flames of discontent further, I and a couple others felt it best to leave them to their own disagreements.

This led to Tessian showing us a rock. Yes, a nice shiny rock… he has no shortage of wit, sarcasm and humor. He may be a bit… odd at times, but as a whole he means well.

Soon there after, Cat took off, and I have yet to learn if the situation resolved itself or not.
I finally found time to write to Brother Dracius and Iliara. A four page letter to be precise, and I hope it finds them well. I worry for them, as I have not heard from them in several months. Usually Iliara is good about sending along a letter in reply. Perhaps duty is simply keeping her busy… It is after all the only Ilmatari temple in the region.

There were several heated incidences which led to some ‘sight-seeing’ Tessian showed me a ‘landmark tree’ and later a little brush area, where some foxes have made a home. Quite fascinating little creatures indeed.

As we once again attempted to eat breakfast, the camp was beset by Flaming Fist Mercenaries. The object of their discontent was Beren Cross. I know not why they were upset with him initially, but I wonder if it has something to do with the vigilante group he leads? The Fist are to protect those within the jurisdiction of Baldur’s Gate, and Beren’s group protects those beyond it. One would think that they would welcome the hand that helps beyond their reach? Perhaps it is because Beren is a former Fist member that they are so contemptuous? I know not.

During the course of the encounter, another first: a Balor. A dreadfully large spawn of the hells and a rather frightful sight. Beren felled the creature, and left shortly thereafter. While I was no match for such a creature, I did attempt to heal those wounded by its attack. I was not however able to keep all beyond death. Someday I hope Ilmater grants me the skill to reach beyond death and recall those fallen in battle, but for now I am to be content with seeing they receive proper service at a temple, or at the very least a decent burial.

After Beren’s departure I heard the captain of the Fist order that Beren be shot on sight if he approaches the camp… His basis for this and the subsequent orders for his demise is that ‘Demons and Devils attack him and all around him.’ He states that Beren is cursed and a danger to others. While I have no doubt that he has made some powerful enemies, I do not feel he is a bad man, maybe not the most easily liked by many, but he is still acts under the guidance of Tyr. I pray for his strength in the trials he must face. He and his band of fellows have ambitious plans that mean well, and I wish them success.

This was the first time I saw Tessian not only at a loss for jokes, but turn away his favorite meal: Breakfast. Though I could hardly blame him in light of the carnage left in the wake of the battle.

As the sun set we were beset by a hoard of starving gibberlings. I’ve never been much of a fighter, and hate to do so without cause… I started to wish I had more cause. I could use the practice... At least I could help with the wounded. Or so I had thought. I was mending wounds when one of the creatures knocked me over the head from behind… I thought myself unconscious, but I fear I fell in battle then. By Mercy, I was retrieved from Myrkul’s grip, and returned to fight.

Having stood, more or less, victorious against the creatures, we scarce had time to catch our breath when a dwarven man came bearing news of a fire in the forest to the south. I tended to his wounds as the others went to investigate the fire. He was very badly wounded, and I feared he might bleed to death, in the least he would not have survived another blow. I got him stitched up, but did not notice what I thought was a hunched man approach.

This leads to yet another first… In the dark I thought it was only a man. The dwarf man went back to the forest with the others to help with the blaze. This ‘man’ while did not speak, he moved disturbingly close in his silent stagger. It startled me and caught me off guard. Still thinking it a man, I tried to distance myself from him, unsure of his intent. The past has taught me to be wary of long silences. Once I got a look at it, I realized it may well have been a man at one time… It was a man no longer, but one of the walking dead. It disappeared as I got a good look at it. As if things weren’t alarming enough…

Fortunately Esen returned from the forest when he did because we were quickly beset by more undead. altogether. The battle was exhausting. I’d honestly guess the land on this side of the bridge was cursed somehow. When the battle with the walking dead had scarcely concluded another giant purple snake thing reared its ugly head near the camp… This is the second such creature I have seen in the area… Troublesome creatures, and fearsome to look at, I hope not to see more of them. Still, I wonder if they are connected to the undead? Or perhaps whatever curses the lands…

It hardly seemed wise to linger further in that place. I made my way toward the forest, a mix of worry and curiosity motivated me. It was rather unsettling there. Strangely it burned without heat nor consuming that which it touched. It surrounded a grave of a paladin or knight… I pray whatever unholy forces are at work there, they may be cleansed, and the land made right again… Is the whole of the Coast cursed? I could do little more than bless those present. I was starting to think that I came very ill-equipped to deal with the troubles in this land. I said a prayer over them all, warding them against whatever evil taints the land.

The toil of the day was evident, and made my way to the Ilmatari shrine in Baldur’s Gate. I spent some time in prayer, and donated the coins I had made selling odd trinkets and wolf pelts to the church that it may be put to better use for those who need it. I then made my way to the Inn and purchased a room for the night. I am certain that sleep shall come easily this night as I bring my writing to a close… My eyes are already heavy with promise of rest. May my dreams not be troubled, and the dawn bring a sense of renewal. Though I think I shall skip breakfast in the morning… it has ended badly several days in a row now, and this day at all three attempts… I am fond enough of lunch I should think.

May I have the strength to do the work of Ilmater, and the wisdom to walk the path of Mercy.
~~

[LeslieMS]

[TWENTY-THIRD ENTRY]

Most of the day passed rather pleasantly. I drew a couple of nice landscapes today as the morning rolled from one pleasant conversation to another.
I spent a great deal of time with Val working on language. She is making wonderful progress considering we have so little to work with. When words fail me, often the pen does not. A simple illustration carries the strings that holds her language and the Common Tongue together. She shows me more of her written language too, and while I have yet to understand what each individual symbol mean, it is still very interesting to look at.

However, after buying the most extensive map I could find, it would seem that finding her origins are much more difficult then I once thought they would be. As best I can tell, she comes from a region not on any map or chart found in the Sword Coast. Further inquiry has led me to believe possibly not even in all of Faerun. She comes from some uncharted corner of the Trackless Sea, so my hopes of finding a reference on her heritage or culture seems dashed. So her heritage and culture shall remain a mystery until such time as her language can be deciphered. My diligence has brought me a considerable distance thus far, and I mean to see the task to its conclusion. Mayhap I can seek help from a wizard of considerable skill and intelligence. They have ways of finding information on unreachable places. Should such an opportunity present itself, or I take her learning as far as I am able, I shall look into such things.

I had to purchase more parchment today. I also found a nice scroll case which will do nicely to hold my larger drawings. I also purchased a smaller scroll case to put lose notes and various other bits in, such as the bust portraits of faces I wish to remember. I will still keep the portraits and notes I need handy between the pages of this worn old journal of mine. For now though the bindings are a bit less stressed. The best part about the cases are they are waterproof. While a layer of lacquer made from saps and oils the way Iliara taught me is enough to waterproof them and keep them pliable, I feel better knowing there is a sturdy case enclosing them as well. I took the time to rebind the journal with fresh cord after carefully cleaning and oiling the leather.

I also spent the afternoon gathering herbs for poultices. I have some herbs drying and some that I will procure oils from. I bought some additional healing supplies from the city before returning to the merchant camp to spend what I had hoped would be a quiet evening in conversation.
While, it started that way, it quickly became apparent that it was not to remain so.

Colt, the one who has taken interest in the way of Ilmater approached with a note asking for my permission to kill Esen. Of course I had to explain again that he could have my permission to kill no on, and that violence should not be the first choice of actions. After convincing Esen to stay his hand and not kill Colt before I had the chance to try to help him salvage his path in life, I sent Colt to the Shrine of Ilmater or some prayer and meditation, promising that I would be along shortly to speak with him. Esen has for now promised not to harm him for my sake. If one man cannot stand and forgive that which is unforgivable then where does the cycle end? For now… at least this one time, Colt’s neck is in one piece. Though if he carries on such foolishness as he displayed this evening, and such violent tendencies, I cannot say how long his life is his own.

After calming Esen down as best as I was able… I headed off to the temple to speak with Colt.
After spending the night and half the morning talking with him, there is much to do if he is to learn to act out of kindness and not anger first. He does seem genuinely serious about trying to turn over a new leaf, I hope for his sake he is sincere.

Our conversation was at length about seeking forgiveness for past wrongs, and making a point to live by a more law abiding path. He made a sincere apology to the Brothers and Sisters of the temple, returning medicine that he had stolen previously. I think redemption may be the only way to halt so many trying to kill him. The list of people he has wronged is extensive, and while I pray for the best, I wonder if all can be as patient and forgiving as a mother to a child, since it is that kind of grace such an undertaking will require. It is not a hopeless situation, however, and he has asked that I accompany him for many of these apologies, partially to keep his impulse to resort to murder in check, and in part to play diplomat to those who may wish to kill him in turn. I am in no way setting out to invalidate the anger that others have towards him, from what he tells me, it may well be justified. But it is my sincerest hope that if he can receive forgiveness, in retrospect he will be more apt to forgive those he feels have gravely wronged him.

He despises his scarred countenance, and I can understand what it is like to hate to see glaring scars… after all, nearly all of my arms, legs and back are badly scarred. I go through great lengths to hide them myself. I do not like answering questions of my past, nor do I like the looks of pity and disgust that follow. No I cannot blame him, but perhaps he can come to accept it as I have, and quell his anger.

It will be a long and arduous road, redemption never is an easy path. I pray he has the strength to change his ways, and I the wisdom to guide him.

Now it is late in the afternoon, I remained In the temple long after Colt departed, in prayer. I feel refreshed by it. My heart is lighter. I came to the inn and got a room to wash. I patched a tear in my cloak from a previous battle… I didn’t notice the tear until this morning. I of course gave the suit of chain mail I wear a good working over, carefully maintaining it the way I was taught so that it does not fail me when I need it most.

I think perhaps I shall go get a good meal, then head off and see what the evening holds. I shall sleep as a babe tonight I am without a doubt.
~~

[LeslieMS]

///
Ugh! Sorry darlings... decided to get a bad case of the flu... for like the third time this year. Remind me as I drag myself to the desk from a near death state: Why did I get a darned fllu shot again?? Come to think of it... those jerks at the doctors office gave me more than one type of flu shot too... WHY?? to make it easier for me to catch the flu?? Next year I am skipping the shots... Grief.

Anyway... I know its been a few days, and I know I have skipped a journal entry... and will probably forget a bunch of stuff... Meri's bad memory at its finest! Anyway... lets see what I can piece together... then I am going to try to play a bit.

No medicine like game medicine! Hehehehehe =)
///