Cromis' Journal

[Killington]

Mirtul 13

*An untitled poem*

Everything fades
from hue to shades
from bright lights
to dim shadows
the eternal fight
against penumbral blows
always a lost war
as from here to fore
everything fades

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

Mirtul 15

As I stand here alone
Dealing harsh justice
actions barely condoned
I wonder why this
life has chose me
all men are supposedly free
yet no matter how hard
I should try to flee
turn to smithing, soldiery or a bard,
I cannot escape my life

My life as it is, ordained
in some way, as the chains
of my work keep me bound
the thought of life before this life
makes my heart sound
with hope

A fleeting experience,
it does not last
such thoughts of the past
when lessons are already learned
lingering on healed burns

This is not well, to look back
At what is now impossible
makes one lose track
of the plausible

I do mourn my other lives
and those whose love I knew
perhaps a small piece survives
within me, everything I do
a dedication to Cylla you

Your life was stolen
before it begun
but not a thing more
can be done

Yet still I linger
why can I not let it go?
Will I forever be a drifter
From town to town
never settling down

Likely so, I believe
my work is consuming
My one true reprieve
will be Bhaal's doing

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

*The entry on this page is writen in a hurried script. Ink blots marr the parchment, and the ink lettering is smeared onto the opposite page - the small book was clearly closed before the writings had dried.*

Mirtul 22

So much has changed.

The bastard is alive.

*A large blot of ink.*

Everything is changed, yet nothing.

---

*The piece of parchment devoted to this entry is riddled with small holes and circles of black ink where the nib of a quill was forced through. The other letters are more scratched into the paper than scribed.*

Mirtul 23

Cara is cursed. The Yuan-ti Matriarch did the vile act, cursing her to some manner of suffering immortalism. I do not know, but she will pay in full.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

*The page is spattered with small dots of ink.*

Mirtul 24

Cara is not doing well, but she is not incapacitated. I need see Talisen to strike back.

The Dawnknight was finally met with. I took his telling of Vicar Neschera's tale. I must investigate this further, find the cruel man Thing who did this *a long stretch of scratches and illegible scribbles* crime. I will find this necromancer and deliver Justice.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

*The words below are written in an elegant but shaky hand, after a few pages of empty and scratched out entries*

Kythorn 2

I don't know what I am doing here anymore. Why I am . . . doing? Whatever that is, why?

I thought I could live for hope. Before that I lived to keep Numestra and Cylla alive, present with my actions. Before that... Anger, and violence. But now, I do not know if I can go on. Here. What am I doing here?

Raising a student, under the thumb of the Watchknight as Squire? What? What place is there in that picture for a Hoarite from halfway across Faerün, just bringing his own pain and mistakes to hurt them as well?

I don't know the answer. But I do know that I should leave. It is clear that I am not wanted here, nor should I be. I will go, then. I do not know where, but I will leave Eleanor before it is too late. I will send money, I believe. She will need gold for her siblings, and a young knights wage is little.

We will search and evacuate Wayfork within a few days, that will be the last she sees of me, that is what must be done.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

*An untitled entry without a date or signature attached, it is poorly scribed and chaotically written.*

I don't know why it has taken me this long. Do I? Of course I do. Thinking of it, what was and what now is not. . . what cannot be. It has been a tenday, now, and though the thoughts have plagued my mind, even been spoken aloud to young Eleanor - though I must leave her too, soon - I have not put quill to parchment to write it. Why? Because, I could not. Now? I suspect I cannot do it now, either, but I will try.

Old Pharaxes came to me. I do not know how, how he found me but he did. It has been long, but not long enough. He took his time, to be sure, returning now after twenty and three years. His arrival did not herald good news. No, i- *A large inkblot marrs the parchment, rendering several words illegible.* - ame to tell me of my past, and trouble me anew.

He claimed Cylla is alive. Still, not murdered, or enslaved, but free. My heart leapt when he said that. How foolish I was to dare to hope. She lives, but it would be for the best if she did not. Cronotis - my former Captain! - leader of the patrol that razed my home and ruined me still lives. I will kill him for what he did to my Cylla.

Secretly a Sharran. . . Pharaxes says that Cronotis took Cylla, stole her and raised her in the Dark Lady's faith. I will kill him.

Cylla. . . I do not know. I hate him, he destroys and forces me to kill do so as well. What do can I do? I know I must change her. Try to change her, bring her to the worship of Assuran, but what if I cannot? I know the answer, I must kill her. Can I? Of course I must, if I do not, what am I then? A hypocrite, a man who preaches objective Justice but stays his hand when it comes to his children. But if she should change her worship, what then? Can she be forgiven, redeemed in the Doombringer's eye? I can only hope that she can. Can I truly? No, there is no sense in hoping for what will never come to pass. I cannot turn a priestess of that faith, but I must!

If I cannot, I will kill her. Swiftly, without pain, that is the only mercy I can offer. Even that. . .

He will die. By my hand, and I will raise him from death to kill him again. He will suffer. As she did, as I did, and no matter his depth of nihilism he will learn to fear pain again. He will not laugh, he will not mock me as a man of base vengeance or lower worship.

He will only scream.

[Killington]

Kythorn 6

The evacuation is complete. Wayfork is overrun but the villagers are here, in a camp south of the Gate. Yet I am still here. All it would take is a simple spell and I could be a thousand leagues away, my own troubles no longer wearing on Eleanor. Yet I am still here. Am I selfish to stay with those I love despite the danger of my presence? Maybe I am, thinking too much of my own wants that I give in, allow her to keep me here.

After what she did, though. Running to the gates of Darkhold to show me what it is like, to be helpless while one's family leaves you forever. I knew that feeling, the horror and sinking despair as you realize what is about to happen. The knowledge that there is nothing you can do. Not when it matters most. Not even Especially then. I never want to feel that again. Once more my want is affecting my thoughts rather than the needs of the situation. Would they truly be better without me among them? I am no longer certain. Eleanor is right, I have galvanized the local servants of Justice, but I have brought great danger to them. Perhaps I can protect them as well. Perhaps.

Ellie thinks that I should not be alone. That I should share my burdens with the others force my burdens upon them? I do not believe she understands what that means. For me, or for them. Perhaps I am too weak to do that. Perhaps - I use this word too much, but truly I am certain of very little. All I do know, is that this is not over. Not while Cronotis lives.

---

Her father is still here in the refugee camp. Ameris. . . he is a good man but a fool and poor judge of others. He is still there, taking the food and shelter meant for the innocents we saved from the army of the unliving. It does not end there, not for him nor for us. Eldarian offered to escort him south of the Wyrm's Crossing where we can deal with him - outside of the Ilmateri's control. It is good of him to offer, he is a Just man. But it will not work, he is manipulative and will stay within the confines of the camp, and then the Gate afterwards. This will not stop us, and we will capture him no matter where he hides. Eleanor will do what she will, and I will exile him to Vaasa, half the world away where he will never hurt her again.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

Kythorn 9

The time passes but no progress is made. I do not know who to blame for it, if anyone truly is at fault other than him.

Ameris still wishes to confront him, speak with him about his life in Wayfork. About her life in Wayfork. I do not know why it is so hard for Ameris to comprehend. The matter is not his to deal with. Not for him to judge nor for him to meddle in. If he knew what he did, and could recognize the lies spewed forth as the man tries to save himself from his earned consequences, I have little doubt that Brother Ameris would stand beside us as we do what we will. What we ought.

That aside. . . does he not know how this hurts her? Knowing that that monster is safe, smugly taking charity overly kindly given and taking sanctuary from Justice? He knows what he did. Ameris knows what the man did. But still he stands in her way.

Hells! The fool had the nerve to demand amends from Eleanor! As if she had wronged the Temple with her behaviour - while they stood there and barred her from seeking what was duly her's.

The Ilmateri mean well but their dogma is that of the loving fool. Any ideal which demands the love and care of all is a fool's manifesto.

And still, he would have her suffer rather than let us do what we must. What any god of law or justice would have us do.

*A sentence is crossed out to the point of being illegible.*

I will sponsor the Ilmateri, then. I have gold coinage of some value, and with it they will release her father from their care all the sooner.

He will be easier to find without them watching over him.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

(((Edited to fix typos >.>)))

[Killington]

Kythorn 13

Hells.

How have I failed at this so completely. If this is what happens when I try then maybe Eleanor truly should be without my influence. All it can do is anger her and drive her off her path.

Whatever path that is.

Am I too controlling? Too stubborn, trying to change her views without respecting her? If I am, then I have failed.

I will see what she says on the morrow. Likely I will leave.

I do not know. Not anymore, I did but now I don't.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis

[Killington]

Kythorn 14

Thank the gods. How quick I am to fear the worst. . . But I was wrong this time and glad of it. She is still here, wrapped in a blanket at the side of the room. I do not know what I would have done had she left. Leave the Coast, I expect. Or keep her safe from a position unseen. I do not know, and I am glad I will not have to find out.

We fought through the firepeaks, to banish the Balor at the pass. We sent it from this realm, but we were repelled by a wave of demons sallying out from the castle. We lost no one, but several injuries would have proven mortal were we not swift in our ministrations.

But in the scramble down the rocky mountain pass. . . When Eleanor came back to help Talisen and I in the retreat despite the danger. I was. . . Furious. Of course she wanted to help, and she thought we needed her, but seeing her go back to the demon-filled path. . . I felt that feeling again. The pit within, bottomless and overflowing with guilt, despair and self-loathing. She is safe now, sleeping, but not soundly. She tosses and turns, and I when I watch her her face shows her to be in pain. Afraid.

I don't know how to help with that. How do I drive away the terrors of the night, that live only in her mind - that one place I so obviously can never fully know.

And now, she saw Rhiannon again. I thought it was just a curiosity, certainly not a malignant force. The visions of the girl with the hammer, but proven to exist by her tracks and the foes she felled. . . She is an incarnate of Tyr, I thought. Perhaps she once was, and her sister Meriesa a chosen of Ilmater before as well. I am not convinced of that anymore.

The way that she watches Eleanor, she described it as an assessment, waiting to see when she is ready. Ready for what? I voiced my fear to Sveta and her. That the time will come when Ellie and Reine will serve as the mortal coil for Rhiannon and Meriesa, displacing their souls. I hope I am wrong, that they may still be instruments of the Just gods, and that no harm will to El.

Please hear this prayer, Assuran. Do not let injustice marr her life. She has suferred enough.

I ask of Tyr, to work through Rhiannon to empower Eleanor and teach her, but leave her be.

To Ilmater, I beg that Eleanor not suffer the life of a spectre, bound to an amulet and a tragic tale.

And to Torm, I ask that she be protected from whatever evil may reside in those apparitions, and the play that Nëa is writing.

- Lord of Thunderous Vengeance Tegeus Cromis