Kelia

[jmbrosendo]

I often feel we are all but leaves carried in the winds, never knowing our destination, taken aflight by some greater power or destiny, and rarely in control. This is true. As much as we want to believe and dream of freedom, forever we are dependent on the whims, fancies and designs of those who have the power to do so.

We may choose to defy this order of things, amass more power, but in the end, once again you are a slave, even if you are now the puppeteer instead. All you are doing is protecting yourself from harm, all you live for is to not get hurt anymore. Should that constitute as a freedom, in all it's natural form? The purest of freedoms come from within your own sense of being and self, acting upon it, without any outside influence.

Freedom is, just a lofty goal, a dream, for we are mortals, walking in the lands where great powers exist, we are the sons and daughters of parents who design a future for you, we are always serving someone, something, and best we can hope for, is that the path we walk comes closest to what we dream for in our lives.

We are never free. We never will be. Not truly. All we have is a balance between what we wish we could do, and what we can and are allowed to.

I have no idea why I felt this sudden urge to quill my thoughts on an empty piece of paper. Perhaps this sojourn away from he temple quarters in Amn, has left me with nothing but my faith, contemplation, nothing but my thoughts. Such is my dread, that I have once again dreams to tread on, that my head is filled with might have been, what should be, and not what needs done. Or even worse, that all my sins from the past, have a chance to creep up. Such weaknesses cannot be exposed, cannot be allowed to be given birth and persist.

The truth may be far more simple however. Good or bad, the past I left behind, and abandoned willfully, has left a void. I have my Lord's will and nothing more should be required, but solitude can be a heavy burden to endure. I have no illusions, of what I am and what I stand for. All prospects of a normal happy life are but an idle fancy, and should remain at that. I would not have it any other way. For what I must do, for who I am today, I had to give up much. I am not the same person I was born and raised, I am what I am, and whatever life has molded me into.

I shall live life for each day, make the best of it, in service, and beyond, I shall never again submit or be submitted to none other than Mylord. The shackles of a societys education and moral behaviours mean little. Life is too short. to be wasted in empty moralitys, into pretending to be something you are not.

I am Kelia.