"A breakthrough! This very moment I have solved the woe of these last two to three months, found the answer to the question that troubled me so difficult. To be Hoihe or to be Hoiha - that was the question. The answer lies not in the extremes, but in the amalgate of the two.
Let me explain, I must be going too quickly - such is how it is when the fey mood takes you unaware! See - for all the while now I was looking at transforming back as going back to exactly how I was as a man, with all the woeful traits being a woman alleviated - that is, skeltal structure, figure, melodic lilt, a better focus on my cheeks over my chin, the texture of my skin, more slender fingers - but no need. I can go back to a man and balance things to that I retain the benefical while discarding what is in the way.
Obviously, things would need heavy modification. The skeltal structure is prefered not due to the hips but rather the lighter bones, more akin to elven ones than human. My face would need some strengthening too, a strong reduction of my lips and eyelashes, a strengthening of my brow but it is all just details, details!
I'll worry about the details when I sit down to make the calculations. I will hire that gnome in the Palace district to make a portrait of me from up close and compare it against my old one then begin making alterations so it appears more ideal.
Furthermore, I have solved another question! Indeed - reading my own works have enlightened me with my former wisdom. I must woefully admit that my current preference to being a woman was supported by the fact that this way I will not accidentally condemn my heirs to the terrible fate of being between humanity and elves. I have seen a wide range of half-elves and have indeed found that some are nigh' indistinguishable from elves in both traits and looks.
So how did my former studies help? The dragon blood - that helped! Remember well how I have already manipulated my own bloodline, the thing my heirs would inherit. Remember well how I have amplified my dragon blood, and not just amplified it but have altered it so that I clearly belonged to the Silverstone clan. Indeed! I have modified the spell so I could potentially make money assisting nobility in adopting worthy sons and daughters while maintaining the bloodline.
Indeed! I could find with research the right ingredients to sire an elven child, or at least a half-elf who is overwhelmingly elven and none will be the wiser that it is in fact a solution of human and elven blood. I will need to start collecting data - I will need lots of data to find this answer!
I am currently lacking in personal power but how did I defeat the Coven of Darkness before? By playing on my strength - I am an orchestrator, a conductor a leader! I know a great many exceptional experts and know well how to earn each of their assistance. Indeed! I have already created a potential list of who to go to.
- Myself - the project head, the manager, the author of the 'Ritual of ideal appearance' and of the 'Ritual of bloodlines'.
- Gabriela - My current mentor, she will be the main source of the ritual's success.
- Kael - His understanding of the blood, once confirmed he can use it to build and willing, will allow him to do alone what took twelve before.
- Maddy - Production of preservatives for the blood samples and analyzis of them according to my recipe
- Medune - Collection of blood samples, help in understanding of anatomies.
- Onna'Evatril - Education on elven lineages and assistance in testing - Identifying marks amongst generations of rats and rabbits, other rodents to keep track of bloodline alterations.
- Elyssa - Talented transmuter, although a sorcerer she might prove a very good help.
- Ithilwen - Proof-checking my calculations to make sure they are correct and advice.
In this moment - I am spirited! Blessed I am by the Fey mood and granted insight unsurmountable! Blessed be Sehanine Moonbow, blessed be Fenmarel! Blessed be Corellon, blessed be Hanali! If my bloodline research works well, I could maybe ensure choice for the parents to not condemn any to the terrible fate I had to live and must still survive.
And yet, I have still failed. Not in this field, no... not at all. I failed in my Duties as a redeemer. I have worked hard, even granted him space on the ship and yet Etele has betrayed me for Selengil. As a last ditch effort, I sent him to Telia but I doubt much success will come of it.
I wonder - what have I done wrong to have failed? Was this predetermined? In my enlightened state I can see that he was much like how I would have been if my Duty and upbringing did not temper me. Even now, I am sure of myself to the end, confident and powerful. I use it for good, and my experiences and Duty have made me humble in asking for help. Not Etele. Stuck in his way rigidly, thinking only he has the truth - the one truth (which in itself is an oxymoron. There is no ultimate truth) and everyone else has it wrong. And he demands everyone must serve him unrewarded. Ameris, I have learned my lesson.
To end my journal in spirited words still, I pray that now with the question solved I can find and speak with Soora soon. Unless someone gives me a powerful enough reason, and that someone better be Soora or perhaps Averëon could, I am going back to being a male elf with a sprinkling of humanity as seasoning.
Oh, and I am keeping Lafali'Atria, but as Lafali'Atri. Having an elven name other than Nu'Ruimatri which only the clergy, Soora and my closest companions may know is very useful in my dealings in the elven world. Also, until I transform back I think I will try and find enjoyment in my current state, such is the elven way. Not like I don't have much time, such works aren't easy and I want to secure it but, a year or half is all i can see it taking."