Memoirs of a Megalomanic

[madcomposer]

"Curses on them all!"

A highly miffed halfling stomped down the street, kicking a nearby misplaced cobblestone and muttering imprecations on the assembly he had just left.

"Hrrr! They might have well just enunciated it aloud: 'You're just too diminutive, you...twerp!"

His face folded into a twisted scowl, as he contemplated his plans and how each one had failed and fallen apart, and now how his plot to steal the Ramset phylacteries had evaporated as well.

As he continued in his vein of thought, he barely noticed a rat emerge from a nearby garbage pile and address him.

"Alcelsorzar...."

He ignored the rat and continued on undiminished in his frame of mind. Apparently desperate for an audience, the rat suddenly darted into the street right into the path of the rampaging halfling.

"All right, Alcelsorzar, we've gotta...!"

With a flick of the halfling's foot, the rat was launched into air, finally making a most inglorious landing into a nearby sewer pit. Suddenly, the halfling stopped.

No...

Not here... not now!

His anger and disappointment dissipated entirely, replaced now by pure horror. What had he just done?

The halfling whipped around and tried to spot where the rat had landed. Without a moment's reprieve, he sprinted to a nearby sewage hole and began digging, scowling in disgust at the fetid waste. After a moment he retrieved a disheveled rat and ducked into a dark alley, reverently placing the rat on a discarded crate; the halfling then bowed his knee in almost worshipful deference.

"My mistress, I... I did not recognize you in that, wretched..."

"Stuff it! Hold out your hand!"

He was immediately taken aback; Alcelsorzar dutifully but gingerly extended his hand, which was promptly bitten sharply by the rat.

"That was for kicking me, you dolt. Now, the other one!"

"But my dear Silphatrades! I...

"I said stuff it!"

The halfling winced as he produced his other hand, which was bitten as well. He immediately retracted it, observing a small trickle of blood coming from between his thumb and forefinger.

"And that was for not providing your dues! Our contract is still in effect, am I not correct?"

"My dear Silphatrades, it's... it's just so hard to follow... well I didn't realize when we agreed... Wait, you're not going to... are you?"

The rat gave the cowering Alcelsorzar a glare and let out an incredulous sneer--or perhaps a laugh (it's not always easy to tell with rats). With that, her ferocious tone of voice suddenly mollified to one of total disdain for the halfling; she stopped her penetrating glare and casually examined her claws, focusing on the curious ring which adorned her right paw.

"You are the most pathetic being I have ever had dealings with, Alcelsozar. Believe me, if it weren't for our... little agreement, I would have enjoyed toasting you years ago. I don't even know why I come up here when I could be enjoying sooo much better company."

As Alcelsorzar buried his face in his hands, Silphatrades turned around and walked away, swinging her little rat hips and holding her tail aristocratically in the air; she stopped just before entering a small hole in the alley.

"Oh, and by the way, 'Al,' if you were a little more faithful in meeting your... obligations, your quest might have better luck, hmm? Just some food for thought."

Alcelsorzar looked up with despair just as the rat disappeared into the hole. He then turned around, sniffing and then swishing away with his hand the faint wisp of brimstone left in the alley. He sulked away, thinking to himself in no uncertain terms:

This is not an encouraging way to begin my rise to power.