Criticism & Respect. Disagreement.

[Thayvian]

I think after seeing the insults over many posts from a large number of people that actively insult and insist that anyone that does not agree with them is a troll. Yeah I'm not just talking about my posts. Not every single person that goes against the grain of the server deserves to be treated like utter crap for the crime of disagreement.

This should be really obvious and I'm personally tired of dealing with the clique behavior. Not everyone is going to agree with the group. And you should not Intentionally ostracize them from the group for having a different way of looking at things.

Doing so completely ignores this Human decency post located here (Common Courtesy and Basic Human Decency) viewtopic.php?f=10&t=13787 You know not calling people trolls for a negative viewpoint or insulting them even if you can't understand where they are coming from. It hardly makes it a personal attack. And even if it was criticism leveled at you or your character or actions you take ooc or IC. It's still not a crime. Or belittling you or insulting you. In some cases yes. But even than.. the advice below is golden.

"Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that, you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be done."

The recent events leave me to conclude you as a group collectively try to Punish people for wrong think. << Anything you disagree with it seems.

So I post this in hopes to better understand and foster communication.

Having a Negative view is not a crime yet I can tell that it's policed here by high levels of aggression To anything contrary to the majority view. People get out right hostile.

It has become an ideological echo chamber. And it needs to stop.

To combat this and offer an Olive branch. I made this post.

(note that stuff below is not my work)

https://zenhabits.net/how-to-accept-cri ... reciation/
Stop Your First Reaction
If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath, and give it a little thought.

Personally, I tend to get a little angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying something I’ll regret later.

That cooling off time allows me to give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.

Turn a Negative Into a Positive
One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important, and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.

You can do the same thing with criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement.

For example, this criticism: “You write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.”

Can be read: “I need to increase the variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.”

That’s just one example of course — you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the criticism.

See it as an opportunity to improve — and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement is a good thing.

Thank the Critic
Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.

And you know what? My habit of thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected, and often appreciated.

And even if the critic doesn’t take your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of keeping yourself humble.

Learn from the Criticism
After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve.

That’s a difficult concept for some people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better.

And then make that change. Actually strive to do better.

When I received criticism that my posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally, I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra effort.

Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that, you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be done.

But the way that many of us handle the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and attack the attacker … right?

Wrong. By attacking the attacker, you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.

Be the better person.

If you can rise above the petty insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two amazing benefits of this:

Others will admire you and think better of you for rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually complimented me on how I handled attacking comments.
You will feel better about yourself. By participating in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important benefit of all.

How do you stay above the attacks and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive attitude.

A quick example: Someone criticizes one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to do with y.”

My typical response will be to first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great question!”

And by ignoring the insult, taking it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and felt great about myself.

[Aspect of Sorrow]

We have tens of thousands of players who've been a part of the community over the years, it'd be hard for me to consider the majority is against criticism as everyone, even administration, has difference of opinion on all parts of the server.

Criticism is how BG has gotten this far, I'd wager.

[Thayvian]

We have tens of thousands of players who've been a part of the community over the years, it'd be hard for me to consider the majority is against criticism as everyone, even administration, has difference of opinion on all parts of the server.

Criticism is how BG has gotten this far, I'd wager.

But .. I've seen it to many times to ignore the hostility to anything that goes against the grain of the server. Just watch me disagreeing with you now how quickly it will be taken as hostility by other parties maybe even yourself.

To further emphasize my point. The comment you made is not accepting criticism but denying it as a possibility.

If I pressed the issue I feel it would quickly turn to hostility.

So I can only conclude that maybe this server can't take criticism and thus the post.

[AC81]

And yet some people provoke more criticism than others. Why do you think this is? If you feel you've been slighted IC or OOC wouldn't a more appropriate method of dealing with it be to SS and send to DM's? It's not a good look for you or the server to have dirty laundry being aired.

[Thayvian]

And yet some people provoke more criticism than others. Why do you think this is? If you feel you've been slighted IC or OOC wouldn't a more appropriate method of dealing with it be to SS and send to DM's? It's not a good look for you or the server to have dirty laundry being aired.

How that just allows the behavior of people here to continue. Airing out the room is a great and wonderful thing. People should always look to be more aware , and do whatever they can to stop an echo chamber from forming.

I don't see any difference between this post and the human decency post above.

Because that's whats going on here. Any criticism is being viewed as hostility.

But you don't respect me and my respect for the server is dwindling with each act of hostility I've seen it collectively levied against individuals in the present and past.

I just don't understand that hostility and only seek to quantify it. This is the best response that I have to it.

[NeOmega]

https://youtu.be/PgW5M08GQ8c?t=2m39s

[Thayvian]

https://youtu.be/PgW5M08GQ8c?t=2m39s

And I don't understand the need for furthering the hostilities? I mean do you get off on intentionally trying to hurt people or attack them ?

Because you in particular have been very very hostile.

Do you need to continue your insults? Is there a reason that you feel that I'm not worth talking to verse just condescending to? Do you regularly Condescend to people? Do you need to behave in this way and not expect me to address your hostility?

Because I'm at a total loss here. I literally just posted about the Common Decency rules..

Is compassion and respect such a foreign concept to you that you continue to be hostile? Is there a way we could communicate with out you being hostile?

Just asking because that would be great.

Tenzin Gyatso; The Fourteenth Dalai Lama
"Developing compassion
Some of my friends have told me that, while love and compassion are marvelous and good, they are not really very relevant. Our world, they say, is not a place where such beliefs have much influence or power. They claim that anger and hatred are so much a part of human nature that humanity will always be dominated by them. I do not agree.

We humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred-thousand years. I believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are news, compassionate activities are so much part of daily life that they are taken for granted and, therefore, largely ignored.

So far I have been discussing mainly the mental benefits of compassion, but it contributes to good physical health as well, According to my personal experience, mental stability and physical well-being are directly related. Without question, anger and agitation make us more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, if the mind is tranquil and occupied with positive thoughts, the body will not easily fall prey to disease.

But of course it is also true that we all have an innate self-centeredness that inhibits our love for others. So, since we desire the true happiness that is brought about by only a calm mind, and since such peace of mind is brought about by only a compassionate attitude, how can we develop this? Obviously, it is not enough for us simply to think about how nice compassion is! We need to make a concerted effort to develop it; we must use all the events of our daily life to transform our thoughts and behavior.

First of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion. Many forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and attachment. For instance, the love parents feel of their child is often strongly associated with their own emotional needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Again, in marriage, the love between husband and wife - particularly at the beginning, when each partner still may not know the other's deeper character very well - depends more on attachment than genuine love. Our desire can be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be good, when in fact he or she is very negative. In addition, we have a tendency to exaggerate small positive qualities. Thus when one partner's attitude changes, the other partner is often disappointed and his or her attitude changes too. This is an indication that love has been motivated more by personal need than by genuine care for the other individual.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama greeting a young girl during his visit to Vancouver, BC, Canada on October 22, 2014. (Photo by Jeremy Russell/OHHDL)His Holiness the Dalai Lama greeting a young girl during his visit to Vancouver, BC, Canada on October 22, 2014. (Photo by Jeremy Russell/OHHDL)

True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not change even if they behave negatively.

Of course, developing this kind of compassion is not at all easy! As a start, let us consider the following facts:

Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively overcome their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it applies equally to all. As long as they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as you do, there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively.

Let me emphasize that it is within your power, given patience and time, to develop this kind of compassion. Of course, our self-centeredness, our distinctive attachment to the feeling of an independent, self-existent �I�, works fundamentally to inhibit our compassion. Indeed, true compassion can be experienced only when this type of self- grasping is eliminated. But this does not mean that we cannot start and make progress now.

How can we start
We should begin by removing the greatest hindrances to compassion: anger and hatred. As we all know, these are extremely powerful emotions and they can overwhelm our entire mind. Nevertheless, they can be controlled. If, however, they are not, these negative emotions will plague us - with no extra effort on their part! - and impede our quest for the happiness of a loving mind.

So as a start, it is useful to investigate whether or not anger is of value. Sometimes, when we are discouraged by a difficult situation, anger does seem helpful, appearing to bring with it more energy, confidence and determination.

Here, though, we must examine our mental state carefully. While it is true that anger brings extra energy, if we explore the nature of this energy, we discover that it is blind: we cannot be sure whether its result will be positive or negative. This is because anger eclipses the best part of our brain: its rationality. So the energy of anger is almost always unreliable. It can cause an immense amount of destructive, unfortunate behavior. Moreover, if anger increases to the extreme, one becomes like a mad person, acting in ways that are as damaging to oneself as they are to others.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama joining students in a exercise talking about gratitude at John Oliver School in Vancouver, Canada on October 21, 2014. (Photo by Jeremy Russell/OHHDL)His Holiness the Dalai Lama joining students in a exercise talking about gratitude at John Oliver School in Vancouver, Canada on October 21, 2014. (Photo by Jeremy Russell/OHHDL)

It is possible, however, to develop an equally forceful but far more controlled energy with which to handle difficult situations.

This controlled energy comes not only from a compassionate attitude, but also from reason and patience. These are the most powerful antidotes to anger. Unfortunately, many people misjudge these qualities as signs of weakness. I believe the opposite to be true: that they are the true signs of inner strength. Compassion is by nature gentle, peaceful and soft, but it is very powerful. It is those who easily lose their patience who are insecure and unstable. Thus, to me, the arousal of anger is a direct sign of weakness.

So, when a problem first arises, try to remain humble and maintain a sincere attitude and be concerned that the outcome is fair. Of course, others may try to take advantage of you, and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression, adopt a strong stand, This, however, should be done with compassion, and if it is necessary to express your views and take strong countermeasures, do so without anger or ill-intent.
You should realize that even though your opponents appear to be harming you, in the end, their destructive activity will damage only themselves. In order to check your own selfish impulse to retaliate, you should recall your desire to practice compassion and assume responsibility for helping prevent the other person from suffering the consequences of his or her acts.

Thus, because the measures you employ have been calmly chosen, they will be more effective, more accurate and more forceful. Retaliation based on the blind energy of anger seldom hits the target.

Friends and enemies
I must emphasize again that merely thinking that compassion and reason and patience are good will not be enough to develop them. We must wait for difficulties to arise and then attempt to practice them.

And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course, but our enemies. They are the ones who give us the most trouble, So if we truly wish to learn, we should consider enemies to be our best teacher!

For a person who cherishes compassion and love, the practice of tolerance is essential, and for that, an enemy is indispensable. So we should feel grateful to our enemies, for it is they who can best help us develop a tranquil mind! Also, itis often the case in both personal and public life, that with a change in circumstances, enemies become friends.

So anger and hatred are always harmful, and unless we train our minds and work to reduce their negative force, they will continue to disturb us and disrupt our attempts to develop a calm mind. Anger and hatred are our real enemies. These are the forces we most need to confront and defeat, not the temporary enemies who appear intermittently throughout life.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama exchanging greetings with his old friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu on the Archbishop's arrival at the airport in Dharamsala, HP, India on April 18, 2015. (Photo by Tenzin Choejor/OHHDL)His Holiness the Dalai Lama exchanging greetings with his old friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu on the Archbishop's arrival at the airport in Dharamsala, HP, India on April 18, 2015. (Photo by Tenzin Choejor/OHHDL)

Of course, it is natural and right that we all want friends. I often joke that if you really want to be selfish, you should be very altruistic! You should take good care of others, be concerned for their welfare, help them, serve them, make more friends, make more smiles, The result? When you yourself need help, you find plenty of helpers! If, on the other hand, you neglect the happiness of others, in the long term you will be the loser. And is friendship produced through quarrels and anger, jealousy and intense competitiveness? I do not think so. Only affection brings us genuine close friends.

In today's materialistic society, if you have money and power, you seem to have many friends. But they are not friends of yours; they are the friends of your money and power. When you lose your wealth and influence, you will find it very difficult to track these people down.

The trouble is that when things in the world go well for us, we become confident that we can manage by ourselves and feel we do not need friends, but as our status and health decline, we quickly realize how wrong we were. That is the moment when we learn who is really helpful and who is completely useless. So to prepare for that moment, to make genuine friends who will help us when the need arises, we ourselves must cultivate altruism!
Though sometimes people laugh when I say it, I myself always want more friends. I love smiles. Because of this I have the problem of knowing how to make more friends and how to get more smiles, in particular, genuine smiles. For there are many kinds of smile, such as sarcastic, artificial or diplomatic smiles. Many smiles produce no feeling of satisfaction, and sometimes they can even create suspicion or fear, can't they? But a genuine smile really gives us a feeling of freshness and is, I believe, unique to human beings. If these are the smiles we want, then we ourselves must create the reasons for them to appear.

Compassion and the world
In conclusion, I would like briefly to expand my thoughts beyond the topic of this short piece and make a wider point: individual happiness can contribute in a profound and effective way to the overall improvement of our entire human community.

Because we all share an identical need for love, it is possible to feel that anybody we meet, in whatever circumstances, is a brother or sister. No matter how new the face or how different the dress and behavior, there is no significant division between us and other people. It is foolish to dwell on external differences, because our basic natures are the same.

Ultimately, humanity is one and this small planet is our only home, If we are to protect this home of ours, each of us needs to experience a vivid sense of universal altruism. It is only this feeling that can remove the self-centered motives that cause people to deceive and misuse one another.

If you have a sincere and open heart, you naturally feel self- worth and confidence, and there is no need to be fearful of others.

I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal, national and international - the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities.
" Tenzin Gyatso; The Fourteenth Dalai Lama

[NeOmega]

https://youtu.be/PgW5M08GQ8c?t=2m39s

And I don't understand the need for furthering the hostilities? I mean do you get off on intentionally trying to hurt people or attack them ?

Because you in particular have been very very hostile.

Do you need to continue your insults? Is there a reason that you feel that I'm not worth talking to verse just condescending to? Do you regularly Condescend to people? Do you need to behave in this way and not expect me to address your hostility?

*sigh* so much drama.

[grymhild]

Jess'ca!

[Tsidkenu]

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