She sat in the rug in front of their fireplace, her hair damp and hanging down her back as she let it dry. A simple looking and well loved dagger lay within reach, and in her hands she held a fine leather journal.
She'd picked it up on a whim when she'd gotten Emmanuel's name day gift. It seemed to call to her like it was made just for her. Her finger traced the wolf embossed on the front. Each page was blank and waiting to be filled. Trouble was, no matter how long she stared at it, she had no idea what to write. She never had anything worth remembering before. And now. . .now there was so much she wasn't sure where to start. She wasn't even sure how. It was no secret she wasn't a writer.
A small sigh escapes her mouth and her amber eyes move from the journal to the fire. Maybe another night then. For now, the pages remained blank. Her hand slid over and picked up the dagger as she stood. She moved to the bed and laid her dagger in it's place on the nightstand. She carefully set the journal there too.
Her eye caught sight of the little wooden wolf that had been carved for her. She picked it up and looked it over, the corners of her mouth turning up a bit. Her fingertip lightly traced the initials carved there before she carefully set it back in it's place on the table and climbed under the covers.
She fell sleep with a smile on her face, her thoughts on a great white wolf and just how lucky she was.
She had been curious all day long. Emmanuel said he had a surprise for her and she had no idea what it was. She wanted to ask questions, wanted hints. But, she held herself in check because she didn't want to ruin his surprise. He grinned randomly throughout their day. After the last several days in a row being full of drama and heartache and just plain difficult circumstances, it was so good to see him smile like that. She wanted it to last as long as possible, even though it meant keeping her curiosity in check.
The moment finally arrived. He wanted to present her surprise to her at the Lewd Lyre. She'd assumed that he'd written another poem. But, the actual surprise was much more. Her eyes widened a bit as he pulled out a lute. A lute! When did he learn to play that? She could tell he was nervous and she gave him a reassuring smile as he stepped onto the stage and looked her way.
He had written a poem, but he'd set it to music and sang it to her. She wasn't sure how he'd kept it to himself so long. This was obviously something he'd been working on for quite some time, and it warmed her heart. This man with the gorgeous green eyes, so uncertain of himself on the platform, so uncomfortable in the city had learned the lute, written her a song, and performed it with an audience!
She listened quietly, her amber eyes bright.
When your world comes crashing 'round you, when your back's against the wall.
When it seems that you can not find a way out.
When all life hands you is sorrow, when the ocean is not calm.
When your smile has been turned into a frown.
When all you can see is trouble and there's fire ev'ry where,
And it seems no one will care enough to help you through your cares.
When the lightning crashes 'round you and the thunder roars real loud,
I can tell you this right now, my friend, that you don't have to bow!
Don't lose hope when all that you can see is darkness ev'ry where.
Don't lose hope; someone will come to you to shed light on your fears.
Don't lose hope 'cause bad things happen and they seem to get away.
Don't lose hope; we'll keep on going and we'll make a better place.
Don't lose hope!
It was perfect. They'd been through so much in the last several days. And some of those lines nearly brought a tear to her eye. "We'll keep on going and we'll make a better place". She knew she could with him at her side. She could do nearly anything.
As the last note finished and he walked off the stage, she moved to him and wrapped him in a warm hug, kissing his cheek. "Well done, Meine Htag", she whispered. He told her he had more he'd learned, but she hardly heard it, that last line was still ringing through her head, "We'll keep going and we'll make a better place." She smiled as she took her seat next to him and sipped her ale. A better place, indeed. Her whole world was better with him in it.
To anyone who passed by and cared to notice her, she appeared lost in thought. Occasionally she'd frown, more often than not though, the corners of her mouth would turn up.
She knew sirens were trouble. Beings to be careful around, if not avoid altogether. When she saw one on the beach, one who seemed interested in her husband, she stood by quietly, holding him close while the Archdruidess spoke with the siren. The siren didn't linger long after Ashling showed up, but she did leave a gift for Emmanuel. A single perfect pearl. She wasn't sure how to feel about that. She was told a gift from the fey weren't to be taken lightly, but she wished Emmanuel could have tossed it back in the water. It made her feel uneasy, him getting the siren's attentions.
She remembered the feelings she had after. She felt so helpless, so worthless, so weak. Emmanuel had been through a lot in the days before. He'd handled many dangerous things, and she hadn't been there for a single one of them. She grew restless and angry with herself and left him standing there on the beach with friends. She headed off with a plan in mind to go do something brave on her own. She was going to face the snakes, that's what she'd do. She'd prove she was brave and she was strong.
She found her way into the Gate first. She went to the temple to get Tymora's blessing on her stupidity. On a whim she decided to also see the palm reader in the East Gate. She frowned as her fortune had been made. Seems even the seer agreed with her about being weak. She walked away with a heavy sigh, deciding to go back to Emmanuel and the others.
She hugged Emmanuel from behind, resting her forehead on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." She whispered the words quietly. "It's not your fault I'm weak." She'd been so awful to him, and it wasn't even his fault. She just felt sorry for herself. She quietly confessed what she'd been about to do, and then her eyes grew moist as he spoke to her.
"You are not strong, but the absence of strength doesn't mean you're weak." He spoke quietly, pausing to let the words sink in before he spoke her own family quote back to her, this time loud enough for the others to hear. "The strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack."
He was right of course. They needed each other.
Once she was more herself again they decided to go swimming at a different beach. She felt some relief that they wouldn't be lingering at Ulgoth's any longer, where the siren might return.
By the time they'd all changed and gotten into the water, she was happy and carefree again, joining in on the splashing and laughter with the others. It was short lived. She could hardly believe her eyes when she saw the very same siren coming toward them. Was she following them? Following Emmanuel? She stepped close to him, eyeing the siren. She felt protective as she watched the siren admiring Emmanuel. Didn't she know he was hers? Did she care that he had a mate?
As she watched the siren, something shifted inside her. Instead of feeling protective, she felt envy. This siren was perfect in every way. The others began talking to the siren, but she barely noticed. Without realizing what she was doing she began mimicking the siren's stance. She wanted to be just like her. Beautiful. Confidant.
She suddenly heard the siren say something about being lonely. Without a second thought she said, "I've felt lonely." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when the siren acknowledged her and the way she understood loneliness.
" You understand, don't you?" The siren'ts eyes landed on her. Her! "Yes, you know, you like the water too don't you? Wouldn't you like to be free, but not lonely."
She heard The Archdruidess say something to the siren and caught the words, "She's not lonely anymore", come from Emmanuel next to her. She ran a hand down the scar on her thigh. Maybe if she didn't have scars, she could almost be as beautiful as the siren. Her mind was definitely not on those speaking around her. She took a step nearer to the siren.
The siren spoke again, "That's it darling, loose and free and untamed, the ocean's sister, her child, her wild little off spring, aren't you?"
She felt a pull on her arm and allowed herself to be brought closer to Emmanuel, though her eyes never left the siren. The siren played around them for a bit, and some more chatting was done. Ashling just quietly observed. When she finally turned to leave the group and head back into deeper waters, the siren brushed her hand across Ashling's shoulder. When the contact was broken, Ashling reached up and rested her hand where the siren's had been. She'd been touched by this beautiful creature and wanted to follow. She wanted to be friends. She smiled. The last thing the siren said to her was said only where Ashling could hear it. The siren wanted to be her friend too.
She sat in the quiet of their room, paper in her lap and pencil in hand. It felt like forever she sat there with no idea what to say. Why was it so hard to put her thoughts on paper? She wasn't even trying to write a poem or a song; just her thoughts to honor Mielikke. This was her first big Mielikkian religious day. She wanted it to be perfect.
She set her paper and pencil aside and tugged her boots on. Maybe sitting under a tree would help.
Once she settled in under a tree, she set Tramp on guard and closed her eyes. She let herself feel the nature around her when it hit her. She could tell her story! This made her no less nervous to speak in front of a crowd, but it gave her direction. She began writing, crossing out words and replacing them with better words, making sure it was just right.
Once she had her thoughts out on the paper she read it out loud to Tramp as she scritched his ears. She smiled softly. It was just what she wanted to say.
She tucked the paper safely away for now and went to prepare for the feast.
Later that day, on their way to Mielikke's shrine for Second Feast, she told Emmanuel she prepared something to say. If she didn't tell him, she might chicken out. She spent so much time trying not to be seen by anyone, that the thought of purposely putting herself in front of an audience was slightly daunting.
Emmanuel recited a poem as he played his lute. It was beautiful.
Finally, it was her turn. She walked up to the shrine and faced the crowd gathered there.
She began telling her story.
Before Emmanuel came into my life, I didn't think twice about nature or the balance. I didn't hate it, just never thought much about it.
I enjoyed all I was learning from Emmanuel and it wasn't long before I began thinking of nature and balance more on my own; doing my best to keep it and keep it well. I was a "Caretaker of Nature", and I took that title seriously. I felt something inside me shifting.
Then, one day, Tramp followed me home. No matter what I did to try to get him to leave me, he followed. Emmanuel had an idea and wanted to test me. I was nervous, but I had nothing to lose so I followed along.
We arrived here at the shrine and Emmanuel told me to ask Mielikke for a spell. So, I did, right here in this spot. I'd prayed to her before, but it was different this time. I remember there were so many butterflies flitting around. As I prayed, a gentle breeze blew in and brought with it the scent of lilacs.
Emmanuel asked me, after I'd prayed, if I felt The Forest Queen had heard me and answered me. I told him I thought so, and he said, "Prove it." I began speaking a spell and moving my hands, and the most amazing thing happened. I'll never forget it. Amber light moved through my hands. It was warm and welcoming, like an old friend.
When the spell was complete, I looked up to see Emmanuel smiling at me. He said, "It's clear to see she's accepted you. Mielikki is recognizing your commitment to nature, and the balance. And is rewarding you."
I never felt so humbled. In that moment, I felt connected to something so much more than myself. Something good. It is my honor and privilege to serve the Forest Queen alongside my mate, alongside the Circle. On this day, I thank her for all she's gifted me.
She moved to Emmanuel when she was finished. Her countenance soft at the memory of that special day. She could almost feel that warmth again, could almost smell the lilacs. She was content. Happy. She spent the rest of the feast sitting quietly next to her mate, next to the shrine of her Forest Queen.
She sat in the small room and looked around. She still couldn't believe he'd pulled off such a gift. The small cabin was perfect and well hidden. Each piece of furniture was crafted by hand. Her eyes drifted to the large four poster bed and the corners of her mouth turned up.
She had just placed some furs on the floor in front of the fireplace. Each wolf figurine on the mantle was gifted to her, save one very rough looking one made of wood. Her eyes smiled at the memory of that one. They were arranged carefully on the mantle and she treasured each one.
The smell of coffee was now filling the air. Life was good. It was better than she could have ever imagined. Yet, sadness reached her eyes. Sadness, mixed with a little bit of pain. She was painfully aware that she could lose everything in a moment and her wolf would then be alone. She shook her head, as if to clear away the bad thoughts. He'd be home from his hunt soon and she wanted to be happy with him. She stood and fixed the pillows on the bed. Everything was neat and tidy already, but if she didn't keep busy she'd go crazy.
