Compendium of Spades Cursed Items I and II
by Scribe Edelgarde of the House of Spades
Y 1356
Prologue
When I first decided to be a Spades, I remember worrying about the impact that this would have on my role as Scribe. I remember discussing my concerns with Guide Isabella Villame, and above all I remember the words she told me: “I trust you to produce knowledge whatever hat you have on.” This compendium represents my attempt of proving the Guide right and taking the chance provided by my new role as Quill of the House to enrich our library and to spread knowledge of our unique Taint Museum of our newly built Spades Estate.
In the last year, driven by his passion for cursed items, my brother collected all kinds of objects from every corner of the Coast, all of them with one thing in common: the arrey of nefarious effects bound to befall on the poor soul reckless enough to use them. I would therefore take the chance to thank him for his effort and for providing the colorful and inspired descriptions in the following chapters.
Let us then explore, with no further ado, the various ways the Weave was employed to make these seemingly harmless objects into deadly traps.
Chapter 1: Armors
Bracer of Balor Sacrament
This trinket is the embodiment of the Taint museum’s atrocious standard. It contains the most common curse - physical strength sapping, yet it does so ruthlessly, hungrily, leaving the wearer powerless with no mercy and in no time.
(Curse: -7 Strength)
Cursed Boots of Reflexes +2
Cursed item doing exactly the opposite from what it promises - who would have thought! This particular pair of abominations is looking like boots of reflexes, a known item improving reaction of the user. In reality, the wearer becomes vulnerable to magical damage in addition because it’s never cursed enough.
(Curse: -6 Reflex, 50% Magic Damage Vulnerability)
Elistrae’s Sparse Beast
On par with many other trinkets at the Taint museum, the gauntlet’s curse - physical strength drain - is extremely strong, and combined with user’s reflexes draining it becomes problematic, almost impossible to take this unliving leech off your hand on your own, dooming the wearer.
(Curse: -7 Strength, -3 Reflexes)
Entrails of the Wandering Godliness
This padded armor feels way warmer than it should, and it’s not merely an inconvenience. The user risks to get heavy burns by merely being close to a fire source due to the hideous curse placed on this armor, not talking about it leeching all the charm out of the wearer.
(Curse: -4 Charisma, 50% Fire Damage Vulnerability)
Garyx Unimaginable Average
While not looking fancy in slightest, this simple-looking shirt makes its wearer more fragile and sensitive than a princess, with every sneeze risking to infect the user with fever while their endurance is trampled by the curse.
(Curse: -6 Fortitude)
Geb’s Wicked Craziness
This bracer looks like it’s made of rusted tin, but its unpleasant looks are nothing compared to what it does to the wearer, draining their personality and making them clumsy as a junk the bracer is made of.
(Curse: -6 Charisma, -5 Reflex)
Siamorphe’s Hulking Tigh
These gloves look like blacksmith’s mittens in order to ruin life of the user as much as it’s even possible. Looking like they protect from heat, these gloves do exactly the opposite, making the user get terrible burns when their hands take heated instruments they’re barely able to lift under heavy taint.
(Curse: -4 Strength, 90% Fire Damage Vulnerability)
The Bronze Hell-Hound
This solid-looking darksteel scalemain might be appealing at the first glance, especially for the shady sorts, but putting it on might be a fatal mistake. Aside from draining confidence and personality out of the user, this armor has a rare type of curse, making the user especially vulnerable to magical attacks.
(Curse: -5 Charisma, 50% Magic Damage Vulnerability)
The Filthy Breastplate Armor of Corruptness
At the very entrance to the museum the visitors are met by this item with a brazen name, blatantly screaming “look how cursed I am!”. As it always goes, loud proclamations are not proportional to real strength, and so taint of this armor is subpar. It is of course terrible and incredibly nasty, yet it is a piece of cake compared to other atrocities found at the Museum.
(Curse: -3 Strength, -2 Fortitude)
The Monk’s Purple Ear
If you love walks in the rain, the boots locked in this box are your worst nightmare. They reduce user’s strength, and unless the user is a strong athlete, they will be pinned to the ground, unable to move and not even having any will to continue trying. In the end, the boots also make the user defenseless against electricity, so the next lightning from the sky will be the last (and it sure will strike, since the boots are cursed, after all).
(Curse: -7 Strength, -2 Will, 90% Electric Damage Vulnerability)
The Nosey Padded Armor of Fear
The perfect armor to die in a blizzard in, this piece of padded disaster makes the user incredibly vulnerable to hold and clumsy as an ogre.
(Curse: -6 Reflex, 100% Cold Damage Vulnerability)
The Obnoxious Banded Mail of Saint
As if banded mail itself wasn’t inferior enough compared to other heavy armors, this particular piece raises this imperfection into an absolute, making the user less protected than if they just wore bright-red shirt with a bull’s eye picture on their chest.
(Curse: -6 Armor Class, -2 Fortitude)
The Redeemed Scale Mail of Solid
What foolish soul puts this “armor” on risks to never take it off again. This hideous junk drains the wearer’s strength like many cursed items do, making them frail and in addition greatly reducing their magical potency.
(Curse: -6 Strength, -6 Fortitude, +25% Arcane Spell Failure chance)
The Strong Uneven Leather Armor
Wearers of this suspicious leather armor tend to feel sudden urge to start throwing threats around, picking up fights and losing them. Even a mere gaze might make the looker drool.
(Curse: -7 Intelligence)
Chapter 2: Weapons
Cursed Quarterstaff
This usual looking stick emanates blunt cursed energy and saps all the possible strength out of the wielder. Trying to lift it, the user risks to get their fingers broken, pinned down by the weight of this hideous piece of wood.
(Curse: -8 Strength)
Cursed Quarterstaff #2
This quarterstaff looks pretty mundane but contains a curse of terrifying power, one of the strongest in the museum. Give this piece of wood to an emperor and the empire will fall in no time.
(Curse: -8 Charisma, -5 Will)
Cursed Throwing Axes
This set of devilish axes was transported to the museum with extreme care and precaution. Trying to pick them up without preparation, the user will most likely lose all their fingers if not worse, all due to the immense taint on these weapons that drains all the user’s coordination dry.
Just like with the most hideous trinket at the museum, Cursed Thunderbeast Axes, these throwing utensils are rumored to have incredible numbers, yet only three samples are presented at the Museum.
(Curse: -8 Dexterity, 50% Magical Damage Vulnerability)
Cursed Thunderbeast Axes
Probably the most hideous of the local cursed trinkets, each of these axes make the wielder intelligent as a cork, so merely taking this horrible weapon can instantly kill some adventurers. Even if the wielder tries to use it as a weapon, this attempt is doomed to fail, since the axe’s curse is doing its worst to make sure the attack will deal as little damage as possible (if hit at all).
It is rumored that House of Spades has more than 200 such axes at their possession, yet only several are presented in the Taint Museum.
(Curse: -8 Intelligence, -5 Enhancement bonus, -2 Fortitude)
Entrails of Glamorous Mummy
On this stand there is a very weird curved sword that certainly came from the lands far-far away. One could imagine such weapon be used by enlightened wise sword-masters, but in reality this cursed junk gives the exactly opposite effect, draining all the perception out of the user.
(Curse: -8 Wisdom)
Nula’s Fine Heinousness
On this stand, there is a mundane looking halberd that might be considered the perfect weapon for guards by some tyrants. It drains the user off its wit and critical thinking, making them perfect for simply obeying orders.
(Curse: -6 Intelligence)
Shevarash’s Shoulder
This blunt weapon looks normal, even when holding it the user would barely notice anything suspicious. This mistake might cost a lot when coming to cold parts, since even a usual blizzard can be lethal due to a curse this weapon bears.
(Curse: 100% Cold Damage Vulnerability)
Chapter 3: Accessories
Amulet of the Trump
If you think merely putting the amulet on wasn’t smart, then it’s scary to imagine what depth of stupidity the owner might dive into, since this malevolent trinket is draining user’s brain faster than a hungry illithid. In addition, as if this suffering wasn’t enough, the user becomes incredibly vulnerable to negative energy.
(Curse: -7 Intelligence, 75% Negative Energy Damage Vulnerability)
Cursed Copper Necklace
Looking like yet another of the million cheap copper necklaces, this piece emanates subtle, yet incredibly dense and powerful taint. The wearer of the necklace won’t even notice they put it on since the curse makes them perceptive as a tree trunk.
(Curse: -8 Wisdom)
Cursed Copper Necklace #2
Another cheap copper wire, another powerful curse hidden inside. This piece of junk drastically lowers user’s endurance while making them weakened before any lightning attacks in addition. It is the second normal-looking and heavily tainted copper amulet in the museum. Is copper such a curse friendly metal or merely a coincidence?
(Curse: -5 Fortitude, 90% Electric Damage Vulnerability)
Cursed Copper Ring
Another tiny box containing a ring, just a cheap copper circle. As if its tasteless looks weren’t enough, the ring’s taint goes way farther than that, draining the user off their charm and grace to make things as terrible as possible.
(Curse: -5 Charisma, -3 Reflex)
Fantastic Vermin
When wearing this shady cloak, the user would feel that the fabric itself is doing its very worst to make them trip over it, restrict the movements or even strangle, granting the user grace of some lazy hamster.
(Curse: -6 Reaction)
Gold Ring of Bard’s Curiosity
In this tiny box lies a pretty ring with totally not pretty qualities. Once on the finger, it exposes all user’s weaknesses, supernaturally making them incredibly vulnerable to all attacks. As if it wasn’t terrible enough, the user also becomes defenseless against any electrical damage and more hopeless overall.
(Curse: -6 Armor Class, 90% Electric Damage Vulnerability, -2 Will)
Lesser Silver Ioun Stone
As if it wasn’t evident that Red Wizard wares are untrustworthy, this Ioun stone is treacherously proving it even more. It is fully functional and doesn’t look wrong, yet when applied it engulfs the poor user in chilling creepy aura as it unhurriedly and inexorably saps all the confidence out of the wearer’s soul.
(Curse: -5 Charisma, 100% Cold Damage Vulnerability)
Chapter 4: Miscellanea
Advanced Abjuratives
Disguising as a yet another mundane book about enchantments you can find in ruins, this trickster of a cursed junk has a cunning plan: It wants to burn the reader alive when they carelessly swing their hand, dropping candles onto their lap. For that purpose, the book has all the required taints.
(Curse: -4 Dexterity, 50% Fire Damage Vulnerability)
Cursed Empty Bottle
Despite having nothing inside, this bottle weights like a solid boulder. When in possession, it decreases owner’s charm harder than if it was filled with spiced wine. Nobody knows what it was actually filled with before, one has only to guess.
(Curse: -5 Charisma, abnormal weight)
Cursed Imp Venom
This bottle smolder with thundering scent of thousand outhouses. Hideous, atrocious, unbearable, and that is while the bottle is closed… It is scary too imagine what would happen if some unfortunate soul will take a sip. Probably something worse than death.
(Curse: -7 Charisma, -5 Reflex)
Cursed Intellect Devourer Poison
It smells disgusting even for a powerful poison. The bottle seems to be sealed dead, and while trying to open it (for whatever reason) the user would feel completely powerless, devoid of all strength. And even if the user would find strength to lift their hands and try to weave a spell, this spell would most likely fail due to the mysterious taint.
(Curse: -8 Strength, 40% Arcane Spell Failure chance)
Cursed Small Centipede Poison
Small Centipede Poison with not small at all tainted features. Merely keeping this bottle in a pocket makes users’s attacks less deadly without the wielder even knowing why due to their perception drastically lowered. As a rotten cherry on top of this hideous cake, the poison bottle makes the user completely defenseless against any negative energy, so picking this bottle up while in the Taint Museum is strongly discouraged without special protection.
(Curse: -5 Damage, -3 Wisdom, 75% Negative Energy Damage Vulnerability)
Guard Captain VI
This book must be containing the saddest story written in Toril. Trying to read it, the user loses all the strength to exist… and all the strength at all.
(Curse: -8 Strength, -1 Attack Bonus, -1 Reflex)