"For our next meeting we are testing...well, what are we gonna call these things?"
"Automatonotrons?"
"Deceptive Constructs?
"Deceptive Constructs? oooh! I know! We can call them Deceptico---"
"STOP!!!"
"Wha--?"
"You forget, I am the master of Divination. I have gazed into the depths of reality and seen the horrors that exist in the darkest regions of creation. In this world...and countless others."
"Yeah, so?"
"Trust me when I say that of ALL the Demons, Devils, Elder Gods and other unspeakable Abominations which fester in the depths of reality...the ones you DON'T wanna piss off: Hasbro's Lawyers."
"Right...so, what do we call them? Automatic Robots!? Ooooh!! Autobo---"
"DAMMIT!!! Why are all the good ideas protected by copyrights!?!?"
"All I will say is that if you think Gods are overprotective of their artifacts...you've never seen how far some people will go to protect their intellectual property."
"GAHH!!!!! I need a smoke break!!"
"All in favor of a smoke break?"
"AYE!!!"
"The Aye's have it...meeting adjourned..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Alright, so, after our smoke break which lasted a mere...." **Checks Stopwatch**...four hours...what's on the agenda now?"
"Breakfast."
"All in favor of discussing business over breakfast?"
"AYE!!!"
"The Aye's have it..."
"You know, I've been working on something that could make the house a lot of money potentially."
"What's that?"
"So it's a magic ice box. Keeps all of our alchemical reagents ice cold. That way we can control the temperature. The box has a second compartment. And it can be used to heat things up really quickly. So...why not mass produce these and sell them to everybody?"
"Even better. Get the patent. And then sell it to the church of Auril for mass production."
"Wha--?"
"Think about it. Imagine if everybody had one of these ice-boxes in their house...and it also functioned as a minor shrine to Auril? So everybody could, in fact, have an ice cold beverage at their whim...in exchange for a SMALL prayer to Auril..."
"...Auril gets prayer, which is in the best interest of her Temple... and we get RICH."
"...All in favor?"
"AYE!!!!"
"The Aye's have it. I guess we have our next pet project, gents!"
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"So for the next meeting, Salim, you wished to present first?"
"Indeed! So I thought about the magic ice box idea. And it dawned on me: People are lazy, stupid, and gullible."
"This just NOW dawned upon you?"
"Hey, call me an idiot for having just enough naivety to believe there are still SOME intelligent, decent people in this world."
"You're an idiot."
"You're an Idiot."
"But, alas, continue your presentation."
"So the idea...this device does nothing but chop up vegetables. It's got a small set of blades that are operated by a hand crank. Thing is, you can rotate the crank very, very quickly. Allowing for the mincing of vegetables in a fraction of the time. So I thought about your idea of selling the Ice Box to the temple of Auril. This device, which chops things at high speed...we sell to the church of Tempus. And just like the ice box...Tempus gets a MINOR prayer each time it's used...in exchange for the convenience of using it..."
"It's...brilliant. Don't you see, Salim? Don't you see, Arbiter!! Through the use of technology we can...MONETIZE. FAITH."
'Clarify..?"
"Think about it. Dicer that we produce, own the patent, and then we license it to the Temples of any number of War Gods. These temples sell these to their worshippers. They're minor little things. Barely noticeable. But everytime they get used...it's like a MINOR prayer for their God. Just like the way that Kossuth gets a minor prayer everytime a campfire is lit, or Chauntea gets a minor prayer everytime a farmer plants their seeds.."
"Of course. Put a God's name on something...you can sell it to all of their idiot followers. Disguise a minor convenience...as an Altar to their God."
In other words...put their gods BRAND on it..."
[/parchment]
"You get the picture, D'euzy'x. Get rich...by producing wondrous items for OTHER FAITHS. And then WHOLESALE THEM TO THE TEMPLES."
"All in favor!?"
"Hell yes!"
"WHOO-HOO!"
" AYE AYE!!"
"Time to get to work, boys..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"For our next meeting, Malice, you wished to present your next idea?"
"Indeed, Arbiter. I have designed this. A Water Purification system. This system pumps water at high speeds through a series of filters, cleaning the water as it goes. Removing dirt. Dust. Grain. Minerals. Until finally: The purest of water imaginable. Well. Short of water from the PLANE of Water, which is where all magically created water comes from. But the purest water HERE."
"Wait...you're making pure drinking water for people? Aren't you...ya know...supposed to be the EVIL one?"
"I am. I said we were going to bottle the water, purify it. I never said we were going to give it away...for Free."
"Eh?"
"Own Water...own the land...you own the people ON the land. Gain the power to turn on and off their water supply..you become their GOD."
"Clarify, Malice."
"Own the water on the land. Control the water. Control its direction, its flow, and more to the point: Its distribution. Just imagine that ALL of the water that travels through your Dam system, Arbiter, we had the ability to siphon some of it off. Use SOME for power. The rest for drinking."
"We control the water that goes through Winding Water...and we control Winding Water."
"Precisely. Just imagine it. Spade's Estate Drinking Water. Guaranteed pure water. Then....we poison other water supplies."
"WHAT!?
"PARDON!?"
"We are all tasked with making money for the Triumvirate, correct? What can be the most guaranteed way to make money than to completely control a Natural Resource. The purest, cleanest, most drinkable natural resource...and then put it into a bottle?"
"But...other people can simply magically purify water, Malice."
"In SMALL AMOUNTS. A few gallons at a time. But we will be able to produce completely purified drinking water, by our calculations, by the THOUSANDS OF GALLONS at a time. Because, quite simply, that's the advantage of Technology over Magic, gentlemen. Technology requires far fewer resources to maintain."
"But...if you poison the water...people will die..."
"Not if you poison it a certain way. You add certain chemicals to the water in small quantities. Minor amounts of Lead, arsenic. Trace amounts really. No more than, say, double the amount of these elements that occur NATURALLY in water. The people, who have all built a natural tolerance to the natural levels of these elements in their water, will not be adapted to these amounts. They'll get sick. Fatigued. But they'll most likely not DIE."
"Because dead people can't buy pure drinking water..."
"Exactly. Poison the people JUST ENOUGH not to kill them. But just enough...to make them RELIANT upon YOUR DRINKING WATER."
"Arbiter! You can't agree to this! The damage that altering the water could do to the people! To the Environment! You could completely disrupt an ecosystem!"
"..And, potentially, make BILLIONS."
"And make an enemy of EVERY DRUID in Faerun!!"
"But don't you see the brilliance, Salim? When people start getting sick by drinking their own water supply..and then WE step up and provide pure, clean drinking water...we're the "Good Guys."
"Causing the problem...and then selling them the solution. Typical tyrannical tactics!"
"Typical...because they WORK.""
"I...will need some time to meditate upon this before I cast my vote. We will adjourn this meeting for 24 hours to give me time to contemplate. During that time I ask each of you: Salim, Malice, to draft for me presentations arguing for and against."
"Ooooh! We get to have a real debate!?"
"Excellent. I look forward to it!"
"You mean you're already looking forward AT IT, you Diviner scum!"
"I can't see the Future, Salim. At least...I'm not willing to ADMIT TO IT."
"Meeting Adjourned."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"By the drawing of Lots, Salim, you are permitted to give your argument first. The subject of the debate, which I will moderate and vote upon as my station demands, is the subject of whether or not to bottle purified water...and then **ahem**NONLETHALLY poison the waters in order to create a dependency upon us FOR said water. Salim. Present your argument."
"Thank you, distinguished Arbiter. My opening statement: **AHEM**
"SERIOUSLY, ARBITER, WHAT THE ACTUAL SH-T!?!!? YOU CAN NOT BE CONSIDERING THIS!?!?"
"Order!! Order in the Court!"
"I'll have the Kozakuran Fried Chicken!!!"
"Salim!! Calm yourself! And present your Logical argument, please!!"
**AHEM** "Okay, fine. Arbiter...what Malice is suggesting will, over time, drastically alter the acidity of the water. It will change the water's chemical consistency. This will cause UNTOLD damage to the River's ecosystem. Certain fish will go completely extinct. Other, foreign fish could move in...if you do this there could be irreparable long-term repercussions the likes of which would be catastrophic."
"Malice: Your counter-argument."
"Thank you, Arbiter. What my morally-righteous and yet intellectually-lacking counterpart is suggesting is...entirely correct. However, to put it bluntly: The process will be SLOW. And will be a gradual change over YEARS. DECADES. And in only a few short years, controlling these resources, we could net the House of Spades and the Triumvirate BILLIONS in profit."
"At the cost of FUTURE GENERATIONS!!!!"
"Future Generations that, likely, WE will never be around to see. Or, if we do in fact obtain Godhood for each of us, as the Dread Three did before us, those people will likely be worshipping us. After all...we provide them with CLEAN. WATER."
"MONSTER!!"
"The word you are seeking is 'Entrepreneur!!!'"
"Yes! But for what!? A world that's unlivable!? An environment obliterated!? Children deformed!? Or do I need to remind you of what happens to the GREEDY, Malice!? In Mammon's Treasury!!"
"More Gold I had never laid eyes upon in all Creation. And yet all of the Gold under the Earth and Moon could not comfort these Damned--"
Buried and boiled alive in that which they craved so endlessly in life...and yet now wish only to be RID OF in DEATH."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"I have deliberated, and I have considered both sides of the argument. And I am afraid, that after conducting research, I am unable to go forward with this plan. Changing the water would kill people. Destroy the environment. And, primarily, make us an enemy of every Druid and Ranger in the region. So despite it's potential for great wealth: I must side with Salim this time, Malice, and NOT go about altering the environment."
"Yes!! Good Triumps over evil!! Whoo-hoo!! Suck it!! In your FACE, Malice!!"
**Condescending Sneer**
"However...."
"Uh oh..."
"Bottling fresh drinking water IS a good idea. And it's something that, in the event of a war or other such catastrophe, you can never have TOO MUCH of. So I will agree: We do NOT alter the Environment in any capacity...both for cost reasons and for political reasons...but we WILL bottle river-water, and purify it to sell. While being as non-invasive to the environment as possible."
"Tell me, Malice, do you think that your effigies could be modified? To collect the water, purify it inside of their body, and then bottle it?"
"Oh, easily. I could have a dozen units ready by this time next week."
"Make it so."
"Indeed, get to it, Number Two!!"
"...Why am I number two!?"
"Two reasons. The first: You lost the argument! So you're in 2nd place, CHUMP!. The other is because you're such a sack of Sh---"
"SALIM!! Show respect for your colleagues! Malice is your opponent. He is not your ENEMY!"
"Bah...I wish some Politicians could figure that out..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"For the next meeting, Malice, what did you wish to present?"
"Salim's...Shrapnel Skunks...gave me another idea. Porcupines. Except when they explode..."
"Fire their SPINES!! When they explode!!
"Are you....seriously suggesting...a...."
"Metal....HEDGEHOG!?"
"I would, but I can't." **SIGHS**
"What, REALLY!?"
"It's the Inventor's Curse, Salim. When you BELIEVE you have a good idea...I assure you somebody else has already thought of it. And worse...probably owns the rights. And trust me: There's a reason that Lawyers are compared to both Devils and Sharks. They are cunning. And quick to jump on fresh meat..."
**Mumbles incoherently.**
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"For this meeting of the Triumvirate it will be myself who presents the newest project. Behold Salim, Malice...I have built a dam."
"A dam what? Is it a God dam?"
"No, Salim. He's dammed the water of Winding Waters. To a small degree."
"Correct. Using explosives I've diverted a SMALL part of the water. The water will flow through a series of pipes. The pipes get smaller, creating pressure. And using that water pressure..."
"Power?"
"Power. Lots. And lots of power. The steam, on top of the turning of the mills...."
"So now we have a source of consistent energy, which is nice. What do we do with it?"
"Manufacturing."
"What kinds of things?"
"ALL kinds of things."
"Such as?"
"Those ice boxes you mentioned?"
"Among countless OTHER projects I have envisioned."
"So you wanna do what? Turn the Laboratory into a Factory? Building what? Weapons? Armor? Chemicals? Bombs?"
"All of the above, I imagine?"
"Correct. I want to build everything. And I especially want to build more bombs and siege engines."
"Are we declaring war, D'euzy'x??"
"No. We will leave the warmongering to OTHERS. We will simply build the tools to do so..."
"...and then sell them to both sides of the conflict, like a proper weapons dealer?"
"To the highest bidder."
"Even better..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Well...."**GULP** That last display was...enlightening..."
"We're going to have to repaint the laboratory. Again."
"Oh, no we won't. Watch this."
"What...is this, Salim?"
"A Rune of Time Reversal. It only works in a VERY, VERY small area. No more than a few dozen cubic feet. But, essentially...t means that inside of this "Test Chamber" we can speed up, slow down, and rewind time as needed. But only in this very, very small space. Meaning we only have to create one simulacrum..
"..That we can experiment upon and kill. Over. And Over. And over. I can see now, Salim, why you made it look THAYAN..."
"Well, as unfortunate as it is...there are no test-subjects quite like Human test subjects. But this one isn't even that. It's a magically animated cadaver. Given realistic entrails to be able to simulate actual conditions on real tissue. And if we're going to have to kill something over, and over again in order to get our experiments right...well..."
"...it may as well resemble something that we all HATE.
"Agreed."
"Agreed."
'Agreed."
"It is sad, but...**Sighs**..it is possible to unify through hatred. But that's not so bad...if it's hatred of a bad thing."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
