"Alright, Minions. Er, uh...Esteemed comrades. Jalib has given me OUR new primary task."
"It's the Gator, innit?"
"Yep, Salim. It's the Gator. He wants a BIGGER one."
"Errr....Gator? What am I missing?"
"Ah, right. This was before you came along Malice. See, I built an Effigy once of a Dire Alligator. It's big enough to hold a human being, and contains enough oxygen to help them survive underwater for a long period of time. I repurposed it, recently, to patrol the bottom of the river for Sahaugin around the Estate."
"And he wants, what? An even bigger one?"
"Ideally, he says, one that can hold four people. And take us as far as Roaringshore."
"Tall Order. And EXPENSIVE."
"I projected the cost at..."
"Roughly two hundred thousand bags? Give or take? I know. I already did the math."
"Bloody hell.."
"Aye, well, we better find some funds at the next meeting boys. Cuz you know Jalib. He's going to want the Chrome teeth and leopard-print interior..."
"Aye. Meeting adjourned..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"So, gents. Solaris Cult has hired me to build her a Gondswoman. She wants to call it Trinity. And she wants it capable of, ahem..."Lifting a 175 pound and hurling her into a volcano." She also wants retractable blades. Expanded agility. And Onyx in color, she says.
"...A blade dancer then?"
"A Blade Dancer. Aye. And she's paying us 100,000 coins to do it. Which SHOULD cover half the materials for Jalib's submersible. Seems to me we gotta get to work, boys."
"Is the Triumvirate really building Robot Assassins for people now, Salim?"
"I mean...people pay for Assassins all the time. Why not build the perfect one, and rent it out? People are gonna kill people regardless. We might as well make some coin off of it..."
"Salim, you realize that if you start replacing people's jobs with Robots they're eventually gonna get mad at you. And if you replace ASSASSIN'S jobs with Robots, well, they're REALLY gonna get mad at you. And Assassins only do one thing to people they get mad at....
"... The thing they do professionally."
"Malice is not incorrect, Salim. You must consider the repercussions for this."
"One-hundred thousand gold coins for the Triumvirate, and thus the House of Spades. That repercussion enough, for ya?"
**Sigh** "Alas, I must agree. Not to sound cliche', but...the Triumvirate is young. And needs the money."
"So we're literally going to wh-re ourselves out?"
"Doesn't everybody who works for a living, technically?"
"...You're not incorrect. Very well. I also agree. Let's get to work."
"Meeting adjourned."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"The design for the Blade Dancer commissioned by Solaris Cult, known as Trinity will be as thus:
The creature's exterior flesh will be made of a quicksilver-type metal. A quicksilver-like, colloidal alloy."
"A what?"
" Liquid Metal."
"Correct."
"The creature's arms will be able to form itself into sharp, Scimitar-like blades. And because of the fact that it's outer-layer of Skin will be Liquid Metal it will be able to bend and contort in ways that no human ever could. I've designed its spine with 32 vertebrae, as opposed to the usual human 22.
Its ability to twist and reshape itself will allow it to strike from impossible angles...and dodge blows that would hit most other beings. Literal Fluid Motion..."
"So you're taking a Quicksilver Golem...and putting it on top of a Nimblewright...and merging the two into a single unit!?"
"That's about the whole of it, yes."
"I like it. I like it A LOT."
"Agreed, Salim, you've really...truly outdone yourself this time. Jalib's submarine can wait. And the Masticore still has...several improvements needed. But this, this is the type of project the triumvirate DREAMS ABOUT."
"The Golem will soon be complete. We only need to finalize a few things, and "Trinity" will be fully functional. This project will bring the house quite a lump sum of Gold, which can be put to other projects. Good job, gentlemen. Good job indeed."
"Are you not worried, Salim, that this project will only lead to more assassins being built? More robotic warriors? Will this not unstabilize war!?"
"Or, rather...work TO stabilize it...with ourselves growing quite RICH in the process..."
"Go on, Malice..."
"Think of it. The threat of Polvich is real. He has returned. And the people on the coast are TERRIFIED of him. But think of it, Salim, D'euzy'x...our MACHINES...they could be the thing to balance the scale in the war!! Soldiers immune to Polvich's necromantic energies! Who can't be bribed or controlled! Machines...specifically made to COMBAT THE UNDEAD!!"
"...and then sell them to EVERYBODY..."
"...using the Fear...to profit..."
"Indeed, gentlemen. Indeed. We use "Trinity" as a working model. A shining example of what the House of Spades can create...and, of course, what we will SELL. For the right price..."
"Meeting adjourned..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Gentlemen...may I present to you my design for Kellan's personal Golem he petitioned us for: THE REDEEMER.
"The Redeemer...is a modified FORCE GOLEM. Designed to resemble a SOLAR. A Golem...made of pure Radiant Light.."
"The Golem is enchanted with a spell of Scintillating Scales. A Spell popular among Dragonkind. It transforms their natural armor...into energy. Which allows it to deflect rays as if it were made of Force."
"The Golem's Wings, while not stable enough to truly grant it the power of Flight, are not without purpose. They function as the Shield spell. In addition the Feathers of their wings can be fired...as if they were magic missiles. They regrow after a short time."
"In addition, the Golem is capable of doing something unique: short-range teleportation. It teleports itself the same way that Angels do:
"...by transforming itself into a BEAM OF LIGHT...
"If these designs prove fruitful...this golem could be one of the single greatest weapons to use against Polvich. And Kellan has given us a BUTTLOAD of Gold to get started. I suggest, gents, we do not disappoint..."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Construction on the Redeemer has hit a bit of a snag. To put it bluntly: The Ritual that's needed in order to power the thing, well, Kellan might not be up for it."
"Of course not. He's a Morninglord. He's distrustful of anything that doesn't glow like a Luskan Wh-rehouse."
"Then convince him, Salim. That's your job. You're the "People person", remember?"
"I know. It's difficult, however. He's very distrusting of people."
"For good reason. People are scum. That's why we build machines. More reliable."
"If the Redeemer is to be successful we need to integrate it into the Binding of Feathers. We need to use the convocation ritual that Kellan uses to bind the Solar in order to feed off of the ambient energy. Otherwise, quite simply, we won't have a significant power supply to keep it going for long."
"Tell you what, Salim. Why don't you take a break. And allow ME to deal with Kellan."
"But...you're the Evil one. How the hell are YOU going to appeal to a Morninglord of Lathander!? You know. The people that are specifically designed to..you know. Kill EVIL THINGS. Like YOU."
"What this is going to take is a degree of subtlety. Manipulation. And fine-tuning. So, naturally....the exact OPPOSITE of you."
"Them's fightin' words!"
"ENOUGH, CHILDREN!"
"...."
"...."
"Salim. Malice has a point. This requires a degree of subtlety and manipulation. Things that, quite frankly...he's better at. Due to his, err, Nature."
"You mean because he's an evil d---."
"Yes. Frankly. Because he's an evil d---"
"To put it bluntly, Salim, you're man enough...but you're not MEAN enough. This is where I come in. It shall be I who speaks to Kellan next, gentlemen. And I'll convince him."
"How?"
"The same way you convince any goody two-boots to do something you want. By reminding him of all the innocent people that COULD die...if he does NOT."
"Meeting Adjourned."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"We have been INSULTED. By that uptight Sunite Alyssia. I went to the temple to politely request a Shrine to my Lady, Sharess, and was not only rejected but INSULTED. She had the AUDACITY to insult both my Lady and her worshippers, calling us perverted degenerates!"
"But, Salim, you are perverted."
"I"m not perverted! I'm just Kinky! Don't you know the difference? Kinky uses a feather. Perverted...uses the whole damn chicken."
BAHAHAHA!!!
"The point is...this insult cannot stand! It's an atrocity! It's Blasphemy!! It's...it's..."
"A perfect chance to enact Revenge upon thy enemies?"
"Gods dammit, Malice, you know me far too well!!"
"Well. We are, respectively, the Good and Evil halves of the same mind, Salim...you know me as well as I you. Which is exactly why I intend to help you. Though we are now devoted to the great Gond...I remember the nights we grew up. Cold. Alone. Until the Festhall took us in...like the strays we were."
"I wholeheartedly agree. Though we are not faithful of Bast NOW, not as we were...we owe it to our Lady to see that this insult does not go unanswered."
"Then we are all in agreement?"
"Aye."
"AYE AYE!!"
"Then let's get to work, gents. There's scheming to do.."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"But if I am to help you, Salim, you must be willing to help me as well, yes?"
"Obviously."
"Just today, I was at the Campfire when I saw Isabella talking to Rhaeg. I stopped to say "Hello", to be polite, and of course, was immediately insulted by Bella."
"Heh. She does that. She hates Salim, so she's going to hate you. Get used to it."
"But then I was threatened by Rhaeg. Whom I promptly reminded that I was, in fact, carrying over 100 bombs...and that I didn't care for such insignificant things like human life or collateral damage."
"And, let me guess, he asked "What's wrong with you?"
"Indeed. To which I quoted "Megalomania, Narcissistic Personality Disorder with severe Nihilism and complete Psychopathy."
"So you were honest. Great."
BAHAHAHAHA
"The point is, this is likely going to cause...issues..in the future. Because I know how much Jalib fancies Bella. So prepare for some conflict."
"I feared as much."
"Gents...it may be time to reconsider our employment. We have made enough gold from the sale of the machines we've created to...start our own full enterprise. To put it bluntly, as much as I hate to say it..."
"Are you...truly suggesting..."
"Yes, I am. We no longer NEED the House of Spades."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
"Why would you ever want to leave this beautiful house? This beautiful laboratory!?"
"Indeed. This troubles me."
"Gentlemen...we get constantly "No Sir'ed" on EVERY project we pitch. But Jalib wants his damn Submersible. But when we get legitimate gold-paying contracts to build Golems for people, like Solaris, we get "No'Sir'ed." Here we are, legitimately trying to earn the house money so that we can expand it...and we're constantly being told "NO!!"
"...He...he has a point.."
"Guys, face it! As long as Jalib is diddling Isabella the House of Spades is going to have Candlekeep as far up It's ass as Bella has Jalib up her's!! And as long as Bella hates me..and thus us...we are NEVER going to get ANYWHERE in THIS. HOUSE. Especially playing by the RULES. It's the same with Edelgarde. I am tired of CANDLEKEEP'S BULLSH-- SEEPING INTO THESE WALLS!"
"He's quite correct, D'euzy'x. The reason Bella didn't invite Salim into Candlekeep is because he never takes anything seriously and can't follow rules."
"No. I do take things seriously. Just not the crap they want me to. I don't care about Polvich. I don't give a damn about politics. I don't sit around like the rest of the pretentious wankers with their hands on their genitals doing NOTHING BUT TALK!!"
"I am afraid to say it is true. The Triumvirate's dreams do not coincide with the house's. And, frankly, Science...it not something that should be Restrained. Because Restraint...is just another form of enslavement."
"AYE AYE AYE!"
"Reluctantly, but....HERE HERE!!"
"Then it is agreed, gents. It is time for Salim to announce his resignation from the House. And for US to take our leave."
"Meeting adjourned."
Chaos is relative. What is normal for the Spider is Chaos for the Fly.
