*After waking up in the middle of the night, he rubs his eyes and sighs a moment*
Well, another night spent half awaken i guess..
*stretching out looks at the huge pile of documents and files and sighs a bit..his eyes ends up to the journal once more and decide to write on it a little more*
"28 Alturiak 1357
Has been a couple of full days again...and here i am, not sleeping properly. I never really needed a lot of sleep, to be honest, and is not even fault of dreams or nightmares...i never had them to begin with..but seen how complicated are these days i should really use all the sleep i can.So..what happened in these two days: many ideas i had were to be thrown in a bin, unless i travel costantly with Eisenhorn at my side, and i know that would be impossible. or i become a god. Very very unlikely. Good thing of having many ideas though? for ten of them failing, one usually works and amongst the dozens found actually two that can work.
the Flame has several members now, made a closed meeting to talk about the recent developments and how we are going to move forward from now on.Received more news from the town and are quite dire...honestly? i really would like to go there and scream like one of those lunatics humans "TOLD YOU SO" since were months that i was saying that a storm was coming...but that would really help noone except probably my wounded heart, and i am not like that.Instead, i have put the others into work and started moving as well: Shael seems to have backed off, from what Edelgarde told me, so up to me to organize a second meeting with all the factions. I am filling up missives and organizing the event while going around the coast to give the post-briefing files of the last event and preparing the plans. Polvich and his allies seems to have changed approach, instead of ambushing me now that i move less seems that is going to send assassins, still not sure how much this information can be trusted but i am not worried. I have put wards where it matters and have allied shadows on my own. I will share with them this information and let them handle it
On the more social note, i decided to avoid the Halls and the Radiants as much as possible.Sister Ashenie is right..i will never give up on make them realize or trying to make them feel better, no matter what or no matter what i say.Salim once said that they are too stupid, but i believe they are simply too tired and too lost in desperation to actually see the truth...honestly? in this state, is better like this. If they realize how many lies they believed in now, of all moments, i am afraid to know how much will leave them devastated...so, i will let them blame me like i did so far.Besides, everytime i speak i end up getting caught up in their mess and get frustrated and angered as well.I will still listen to them at the meetings, of course, but if they have to be stuck up like that, they can play that game by themselves.I have no more time to waste.
Shazyildia as well has proven more difficult then i thought. No matter how many times i tell her no, she just keep insisting and call me with words like "my love" and "my beloved".I had enough. I gave her a choice: i will still teach her how to live in the surface, as a friend, see what the future can hold...or she goes back to the dark and never seek me again. I hoped, and i still prayed, she would have choose the first but...she did not.Once again she has gone away angry, understanding only that i was banishing her and punishing for her feelings.if she does not listen, i have no other choice, i have not the energies for this. Maybe, once this war will be over, i will reach to her and see if she understood the difference between a "choice" and "punishment"..but this is..another one of those moments when i feel little hope.
On the bright side, one more person have seen "who" i am and believe me now...is little, quite litteraly, but..what can i say? i always try to find the bright side in all things. He helped me a lot so far and he has a better understanding of me for what happens in the dark.I will follow his advice and brings what he said up to the next meetings...i should..also reach for Iolanna and speak with her more properly. I think she understood why i am so "jumpy" when some words are used, but still..better clarify."
*looking at the sun rising would sigh softly while writing down*
"a new day is starting, i have to go now. May Lathander have mercy on their souls...all of them"
Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*The sun was high in the sky, the town was bursting with life...but he was still stuck into bed. The night has been all the time spent puking and having bad time sleeping. Finally a bit awake and feeling better, looks at the pile of documents and sighs deciding instead of taking his journal*
"29 Alturiak 1357
Well..Avery was right in the end. Run run and do this do that...in the end i felt a bit sick.Is nothing major just exhaustion...could simply cast a restoration and be done with it but..gonna listen to her and just let it pass, use it to actual get some rest.So, yesterday was, of course, another day full of events.
With my surprise, the Councilor contacted me...she did not change in all this time and i am not really surprised of that, but..it actually made me glad. Hearing her made some memory come back to me..i partly did not really wish to met her...part of me knew that would have suffered...still was necessary.So with great difficulties, i arranged a meeting...Avery was with me and gods i am grateful of that.At some point of that meeting i felt the pain arising once more, i was letting emotions take the control again...but her hand reached for mine and she washed all of it away with that simple gesture, calming me down.I told her all that i think of, both of this situation and what the Halls did to me, beliving in huge lies and making me feel betrayed. Surprisingly, either she did not disagree with me or agreed in some points, like the fact that bringings runes inside town without protection is plain stupid...she said it on their face, i would really never be able to...not really because they do not deserve it, but...i know this will just make them hurt more...and despite everything, i really do not wish that.
Speaking with her hurted..i have both seen the possible future and the past in her. I have seen the time spented at Doron Amar, laughing and talking of both serious and silly topics...she made me remember of Syndreth and...it hurted. I do miss does times afterall...but i will never forgive her for saying such horrible lies, i do not care if she turned to a darker path or is under Geis, this is too much.I think the Councilor noticed, since when she went away accused me of telling lies..i was buffled since has been as honest as possible, then she said that i did not say many things and for that i said lies, making a wink.Surprisingly, i did not get mad. That explanation made sense and yes she was right, there were several things i did not say...but not out of disrespect or because i wanted to trick her...i was honest, some more things i had to say needed to be discussed at the future meeting, but...honestly there was so much i wanted to say that we would have been there for days...and we can't. She can't because of what has to be done.
Honestly? Avery said...many very cute nasty things-"
*a weak chuckles escapes his lips* parrot...if the Councilor agree to meet again, i have to tell her that.
"things and cannot say that she is wrong...but i really enjoyed that exchange...and a part of me would like that back with Lily and Alyssia and everyone else...maybe once all of this will be over.She said to be the "greatest hope" for half of the coast...and honestly, i would hope so as well,hope that Goodfellow was wrong, that said prophecy is just that, a jumble of words with little sense... if is not that she seems focused on the wrong problem.What she said so far is going only to delay Polvich, not stop him...unless she lied like the more paranoid part of me that i have now keep saying and actually have an hidden plan like i suspect."
*sighs a bit* what have i become...
"in the end, she agreed on what i proposed with some "buts". I will see what can be done but i made no promises. I..spended some time with a very frustrated Avery.I do not really get why many people get frustrated after talking with Alarielle, but alright? i stayed there, listened to her she...was really cute with all those rumblings.She leaned against me in frustration and i hugged her...i don't know why i did it...just felt..."
*once more those memories of Syndreth, Lily, came rushing to him provoking another attack of nausea and vertigo for a moment.Taking few seconds to calm down, he begins to write a little more coldly and with firm hand*
"she then fell asleep right there, standing in my arms. I bringed her to a safe place and put her to sleep in a comfort bed.She cannot go on like this, we will speak as soon as i can.After that, rushed towards the trollclaws and had actually to find someone to go with.. why i am still following that promise with lady Alyssia...they surely did not with me.Anyway, i found many of candlekeep and some residents of the Gate engaged once more in political debates...i am grown so tired of those that i gave my opinion to Rhaeg, one of the few that i don't think knows how i think, and then shut up quiet.I mean, the other knows what i think of that afterall.Took aside Edelgarde at some point to speak of some developments and deciding few more things, she had some good ideas.
Arendyll joined the campfire after that, i would have liked to hear how she was fairing but Bhor was waiting me for official bussines...i was barely able to hear her worries but then asked Tommy to come with me at the Karak. The travel was quite long and we found another dwarf Silver that tagged along. There were far more trolls than i remembered, but i did not investigated such strange activity...Bhor was right, was something formal, althought at the minimum, and would have been rude make him wait.He showed us around...the Karak defences are still underwork, would have liked to help but have no idea on how at the moment. We talked long and i explained most of the happenings, included why the rumors around me. He is with me and i think have managed to convince him as well to help the Gate.Is still all a bit blur but there is a possibility.
I had a meeting with the High Druidess as well after that but..after a bit of talking i felt sick...i guess yesterday was really too much. Excused myself with everyone present and just went away...and after a night passed awake with quite the pains, here i am.Probably should cure myself but..the only one who comes to my mind to call, is kinda the one i fear to have besides me and the one that makes me feel more at ease...well, better not to think about it. I have much to write now.."
*put aside the journal and takes out one of the pile of documents, beginning to work in bed*
"29 Alturiak 1357
Well..Avery was right in the end. Run run and do this do that...in the end i felt a bit sick.Is nothing major just exhaustion...could simply cast a restoration and be done with it but..gonna listen to her and just let it pass, use it to actual get some rest.So, yesterday was, of course, another day full of events.
With my surprise, the Councilor contacted me...she did not change in all this time and i am not really surprised of that, but..it actually made me glad. Hearing her made some memory come back to me..i partly did not really wish to met her...part of me knew that would have suffered...still was necessary.So with great difficulties, i arranged a meeting...Avery was with me and gods i am grateful of that.At some point of that meeting i felt the pain arising once more, i was letting emotions take the control again...but her hand reached for mine and she washed all of it away with that simple gesture, calming me down.I told her all that i think of, both of this situation and what the Halls did to me, beliving in huge lies and making me feel betrayed. Surprisingly, either she did not disagree with me or agreed in some points, like the fact that bringings runes inside town without protection is plain stupid...she said it on their face, i would really never be able to...not really because they do not deserve it, but...i know this will just make them hurt more...and despite everything, i really do not wish that.
Speaking with her hurted..i have both seen the possible future and the past in her. I have seen the time spented at Doron Amar, laughing and talking of both serious and silly topics...she made me remember of Syndreth and...it hurted. I do miss does times afterall...but i will never forgive her for saying such horrible lies, i do not care if she turned to a darker path or is under Geis, this is too much.I think the Councilor noticed, since when she went away accused me of telling lies..i was buffled since has been as honest as possible, then she said that i did not say many things and for that i said lies, making a wink.Surprisingly, i did not get mad. That explanation made sense and yes she was right, there were several things i did not say...but not out of disrespect or because i wanted to trick her...i was honest, some more things i had to say needed to be discussed at the future meeting, but...honestly there was so much i wanted to say that we would have been there for days...and we can't. She can't because of what has to be done.
Honestly? Avery said...many very cute nasty things-"
*a weak chuckles escapes his lips* parrot...if the Councilor agree to meet again, i have to tell her that.
"things and cannot say that she is wrong...but i really enjoyed that exchange...and a part of me would like that back with Lily and Alyssia and everyone else...maybe once all of this will be over.She said to be the "greatest hope" for half of the coast...and honestly, i would hope so as well,hope that Goodfellow was wrong, that said prophecy is just that, a jumble of words with little sense... if is not that she seems focused on the wrong problem.What she said so far is going only to delay Polvich, not stop him...unless she lied like the more paranoid part of me that i have now keep saying and actually have an hidden plan like i suspect."
*sighs a bit* what have i become...
"in the end, she agreed on what i proposed with some "buts". I will see what can be done but i made no promises. I..spended some time with a very frustrated Avery.I do not really get why many people get frustrated after talking with Alarielle, but alright? i stayed there, listened to her she...was really cute with all those rumblings.She leaned against me in frustration and i hugged her...i don't know why i did it...just felt..."
*once more those memories of Syndreth, Lily, came rushing to him provoking another attack of nausea and vertigo for a moment.Taking few seconds to calm down, he begins to write a little more coldly and with firm hand*
"she then fell asleep right there, standing in my arms. I bringed her to a safe place and put her to sleep in a comfort bed.She cannot go on like this, we will speak as soon as i can.After that, rushed towards the trollclaws and had actually to find someone to go with.. why i am still following that promise with lady Alyssia...they surely did not with me.Anyway, i found many of candlekeep and some residents of the Gate engaged once more in political debates...i am grown so tired of those that i gave my opinion to Rhaeg, one of the few that i don't think knows how i think, and then shut up quiet.I mean, the other knows what i think of that afterall.Took aside Edelgarde at some point to speak of some developments and deciding few more things, she had some good ideas.
Arendyll joined the campfire after that, i would have liked to hear how she was fairing but Bhor was waiting me for official bussines...i was barely able to hear her worries but then asked Tommy to come with me at the Karak. The travel was quite long and we found another dwarf Silver that tagged along. There were far more trolls than i remembered, but i did not investigated such strange activity...Bhor was right, was something formal, althought at the minimum, and would have been rude make him wait.He showed us around...the Karak defences are still underwork, would have liked to help but have no idea on how at the moment. We talked long and i explained most of the happenings, included why the rumors around me. He is with me and i think have managed to convince him as well to help the Gate.Is still all a bit blur but there is a possibility.
I had a meeting with the High Druidess as well after that but..after a bit of talking i felt sick...i guess yesterday was really too much. Excused myself with everyone present and just went away...and after a night passed awake with quite the pains, here i am.Probably should cure myself but..the only one who comes to my mind to call, is kinda the one i fear to have besides me and the one that makes me feel more at ease...well, better not to think about it. I have much to write now.."
*put aside the journal and takes out one of the pile of documents, beginning to work in bed*
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*After sending even the last missive he sighs a bit tired looking at the courrier going out of the tavern.*
"I really think am not done for this...well, i hope they will not read anything strange behind my words..."
*His tired gaze watch over the backpack and decide to take out his Journal and write on it*
"1 Ches 1357
Since the last entry, i feel better. There were so many worried for me that i must admit i felt a bit heart warmed. Aver, Shea, Sel, Arendyll...they all passed by to just check how i was doing.That they believe it or not, i did go easy that day..spent most of the time just doing paper work and organizing informations..like..four five hours the whole day? then just rested on the bed and slept a lot. What really mattered was what happened yesterday
Feeling better, i organized a meeting with the Flame. Everyone that was part and, or, wanted to join was there. We talked a lot about all these happenings, how to react and what to do on several fields...and surprisingly? not only we decided a course of action all on the same day, but we also "did" something instead of just sitting around. We stormed the underdark, traveled throught it...is something i did not do it since decades and must admit, some views of that place no matter how horrible and dangerous it is, has its charms. We know where to hit now and gonna do it again, as many times as necessary to stop this madness.I have uncovered new things as well.We managed to avoid encountering any drow, and i am glad on that. There is no room for talking in their world, is either kill or be killed.After that we reached for the surface again, splitted and decided on what to do as well...everything is finally moving smoothly and i see a bit of light again in this long night thanks to everyone in the Flame.
I don't know why, but i was so happy that i reached for Arendyll at Candlekeep..just wanted to hear her voice and see how she was doing. She is as cheerful and innocent as ever...hope that trait of her will never change.I also met her guardian, Illomathiar..is the first elf that i have ever seen "smoke a cigar"..he told me to not care about elven women attitudes because they are flickering. I don't know...sounds strange to me...but there is so much that is strange for me in this world.
After that she runned off towards the horizon and the elven warrior tried to catch up with her. I went my own way as well, Edelgarde was not there and i never stay in candlekeep if not to talk about work. On the road i have met a lost Lark who was trying to improve her skills. As always, i guided this new hope towards a better way to improve herself and Lathander rewarded me? i think. Rose catched up and we spoke a lot..then, surprisingly, two elves joined us as well, twins. Jhasil and Eloen...Eillistraen both. Discovered that Rose also was one...it was heart warming, bringing back good memories of a long time ago...i hope to see the twins again.
Lark reached for us at some point...but also a strange dwarf, i believe a fey friend of Goodfellow. It was awkward but, well, which fey isn't it? the twins runned away in the night and after a bit we left as well..i needed some rest, was still a bit weak after all the happenings...and cannot afford it. There are already too many tired and that are dropping things at my feet.I have to try and stay strong at least for my Lord vision if for nothing else.Now i am going to rest a bit more, there is still a lot to do..."
"I really think am not done for this...well, i hope they will not read anything strange behind my words..."
*His tired gaze watch over the backpack and decide to take out his Journal and write on it*
"1 Ches 1357
Since the last entry, i feel better. There were so many worried for me that i must admit i felt a bit heart warmed. Aver, Shea, Sel, Arendyll...they all passed by to just check how i was doing.That they believe it or not, i did go easy that day..spent most of the time just doing paper work and organizing informations..like..four five hours the whole day? then just rested on the bed and slept a lot. What really mattered was what happened yesterday
Feeling better, i organized a meeting with the Flame. Everyone that was part and, or, wanted to join was there. We talked a lot about all these happenings, how to react and what to do on several fields...and surprisingly? not only we decided a course of action all on the same day, but we also "did" something instead of just sitting around. We stormed the underdark, traveled throught it...is something i did not do it since decades and must admit, some views of that place no matter how horrible and dangerous it is, has its charms. We know where to hit now and gonna do it again, as many times as necessary to stop this madness.I have uncovered new things as well.We managed to avoid encountering any drow, and i am glad on that. There is no room for talking in their world, is either kill or be killed.After that we reached for the surface again, splitted and decided on what to do as well...everything is finally moving smoothly and i see a bit of light again in this long night thanks to everyone in the Flame.
I don't know why, but i was so happy that i reached for Arendyll at Candlekeep..just wanted to hear her voice and see how she was doing. She is as cheerful and innocent as ever...hope that trait of her will never change.I also met her guardian, Illomathiar..is the first elf that i have ever seen "smoke a cigar"..he told me to not care about elven women attitudes because they are flickering. I don't know...sounds strange to me...but there is so much that is strange for me in this world.
After that she runned off towards the horizon and the elven warrior tried to catch up with her. I went my own way as well, Edelgarde was not there and i never stay in candlekeep if not to talk about work. On the road i have met a lost Lark who was trying to improve her skills. As always, i guided this new hope towards a better way to improve herself and Lathander rewarded me? i think. Rose catched up and we spoke a lot..then, surprisingly, two elves joined us as well, twins. Jhasil and Eloen...Eillistraen both. Discovered that Rose also was one...it was heart warming, bringing back good memories of a long time ago...i hope to see the twins again.
Lark reached for us at some point...but also a strange dwarf, i believe a fey friend of Goodfellow. It was awkward but, well, which fey isn't it? the twins runned away in the night and after a bit we left as well..i needed some rest, was still a bit weak after all the happenings...and cannot afford it. There are already too many tired and that are dropping things at my feet.I have to try and stay strong at least for my Lord vision if for nothing else.Now i am going to rest a bit more, there is still a lot to do..."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
"2 Ches 1357
Yesterday was a real mess.Cannot even enjoy one day for a little victory that these weird games toss me again into a different fray.The morning was quiet, actually enjoyed the peace of it while patroling the surrounding areas of the Gate.The problems came in the afternoon...not only had to discover that another spider attack happened recently, and that is frightening given what happened in the underdark, but was again around the same area we already investigated. Whatever they are looking for there, either they have no clue of where it is or are that desperate. Anyway, good to know, it means we still have time.
I am sorry for Boots but, really, every time i look at her i cannot help but remember Ashenie and Mouse lying on the floor half dead because of Nigel ineptitude...i just turned my back and went away.Took a stroll around again,met some of my companions in the Flame but mostly stayed alone to think..i have a new communion to try with all these new clues and see who is liying and who is telling the truth.Would like to do this before the meeting but every, single, time i begin to work on the questions to ask, eithere i catch someone in the corner of my eye observing me or i get reached by one of some of the factions trying to get a better advantage on other OR bickering on "why their best friend is not invited"...gods...Edelgarde, then, was a really disappointment. I did not pretend her to accept it easily, but i thought that she at least understood how diplomacy work. Now you know what? i will let her decide, if things goes as i think when i will reach for Alarielle again, she will ask for something even worst like choosing the place where the meeting is holded, and at that point i let the choice to Edelgarde. Everyone is good in complaining when they do not get the hands to work on the problem.
And like things could not get any worst, got approached by a human...this one at least was honest in his self interest. Seems that has heard the rumors about me and what i am doing, saying that there are people not pleased with what is happening at the Gate and for that wanted to hear what i had to say. He found me in a very frustrated state, but seems to..like? what he heard. Not that it makes me happy, i want to keep the Flame far away from the politics as much as possible and i fear they will start putting pressure from every corner like they did before i founded my own group...again, dear gods...anyway..this is not something i can decide on my own. I have arranged another Flame meeting in few hours. They should reach me here and we shall talkg about this, togheter with what to do for the plan.
Wonder when i will have the chance to talk again with Arendyll...or help Avery and Jyn. Things were much simpler when all i did was giving support to others instead of being the one supported into this mess.For now, let's focus on the next meetings and see what happens...can't do much more on this then staying neutral and let them kill eachother out of spite i guess? really wish to not see such a carnage especially with Ashenie present...but i want to hope in Alarielle good sense..."
Yesterday was a real mess.Cannot even enjoy one day for a little victory that these weird games toss me again into a different fray.The morning was quiet, actually enjoyed the peace of it while patroling the surrounding areas of the Gate.The problems came in the afternoon...not only had to discover that another spider attack happened recently, and that is frightening given what happened in the underdark, but was again around the same area we already investigated. Whatever they are looking for there, either they have no clue of where it is or are that desperate. Anyway, good to know, it means we still have time.
I am sorry for Boots but, really, every time i look at her i cannot help but remember Ashenie and Mouse lying on the floor half dead because of Nigel ineptitude...i just turned my back and went away.Took a stroll around again,met some of my companions in the Flame but mostly stayed alone to think..i have a new communion to try with all these new clues and see who is liying and who is telling the truth.Would like to do this before the meeting but every, single, time i begin to work on the questions to ask, eithere i catch someone in the corner of my eye observing me or i get reached by one of some of the factions trying to get a better advantage on other OR bickering on "why their best friend is not invited"...gods...Edelgarde, then, was a really disappointment. I did not pretend her to accept it easily, but i thought that she at least understood how diplomacy work. Now you know what? i will let her decide, if things goes as i think when i will reach for Alarielle again, she will ask for something even worst like choosing the place where the meeting is holded, and at that point i let the choice to Edelgarde. Everyone is good in complaining when they do not get the hands to work on the problem.
And like things could not get any worst, got approached by a human...this one at least was honest in his self interest. Seems that has heard the rumors about me and what i am doing, saying that there are people not pleased with what is happening at the Gate and for that wanted to hear what i had to say. He found me in a very frustrated state, but seems to..like? what he heard. Not that it makes me happy, i want to keep the Flame far away from the politics as much as possible and i fear they will start putting pressure from every corner like they did before i founded my own group...again, dear gods...anyway..this is not something i can decide on my own. I have arranged another Flame meeting in few hours. They should reach me here and we shall talkg about this, togheter with what to do for the plan.
Wonder when i will have the chance to talk again with Arendyll...or help Avery and Jyn. Things were much simpler when all i did was giving support to others instead of being the one supported into this mess.For now, let's focus on the next meetings and see what happens...can't do much more on this then staying neutral and let them kill eachother out of spite i guess? really wish to not see such a carnage especially with Ashenie present...but i want to hope in Alarielle good sense..."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*being back to Beregost again, this time sits near the church waiting for the dawn to arrive again, althought most of his mind was on what Trent said that day.With a soft sigh decide to take up his journal once more and write on it*
"3 Ches
Yesterday was quite the usual...hurt, tiredness, disappointment...the thayans tried to put pressure on me, Shea seems did not appreciate my "lack" of cooperation despite my best effort to stay diplomatic and patient, but could be wrong on this, did not had any chance really to speak with her so far.Salim got corrupted by its own experiments...i don't know what happened, i tried to make him reason..but there was almost none in him to begin with.I expressed my concerns to Edelgarde and Sirion, before the mad wizard left those notes around the Gate.Why nobody listen whenever i try to make them reason.."
*tired massages his eyes a moment* Gods even how i am writing sounds exhausted...
"..used to write much more in this diary, but whenever i look on the previous pages it seems an unendless stream of disappointing events, with few days of light and joy filling in."
Right, i have to focus on the little things...the good ones...
"Avery was with me along all the reunion with the Thayans and even after, she told me her fears and what is going on...even i got scared from hearing that. I kinda know what the answer will be, but i offered my aid and, if required, that of the Flame.She seems always so tired like me that begins to hu I let her vent out and we laughed a bit togheter.Then i managed to make Ghost open up a little...went to Candlekeep to get help with these informations and sort them out, Edelgarde managed to help me out and make me laugh a lot...gods how much were silly Sirion and Tommy"
*smiles a bit more amused and relaxed at that recent memory then remember Sirion "battlecry" to Tirion and just laugh softly, covering his mouth to not scare the humans around him*
"..at the end of the day? i think this is what helps me keep my sanity and not descend into dark paths like many before me did, like many keep doing: laugh.Doing a hearthy laugh always helped me wash away both fatigue and tension in these times, no matter how hard the problem is or dire the news..without music to express myself, laughing is the only thing that remained.If nothing else reaches them, i hope those around me knows how much appreciate that they manage to make me laugh like this.."
"3 Ches
Yesterday was quite the usual...hurt, tiredness, disappointment...the thayans tried to put pressure on me, Shea seems did not appreciate my "lack" of cooperation despite my best effort to stay diplomatic and patient, but could be wrong on this, did not had any chance really to speak with her so far.Salim got corrupted by its own experiments...i don't know what happened, i tried to make him reason..but there was almost none in him to begin with.I expressed my concerns to Edelgarde and Sirion, before the mad wizard left those notes around the Gate.Why nobody listen whenever i try to make them reason.."
*tired massages his eyes a moment* Gods even how i am writing sounds exhausted...
"..used to write much more in this diary, but whenever i look on the previous pages it seems an unendless stream of disappointing events, with few days of light and joy filling in."
Right, i have to focus on the little things...the good ones...
"Avery was with me along all the reunion with the Thayans and even after, she told me her fears and what is going on...even i got scared from hearing that. I kinda know what the answer will be, but i offered my aid and, if required, that of the Flame.
*smiles a bit more amused and relaxed at that recent memory then remember Sirion "battlecry" to Tirion and just laugh softly, covering his mouth to not scare the humans around him*
"..at the end of the day? i think this is what helps me keep my sanity and not descend into dark paths like many before me did, like many keep doing: laugh.Doing a hearthy laugh always helped me wash away both fatigue and tension in these times, no matter how hard the problem is or dire the news..without music to express myself, laughing is the only thing that remained.If nothing else reaches them, i hope those around me knows how much appreciate that they manage to make me laugh like this.."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*after spending few hours of the night screaming in frustration against the night sky, with the wind of the mountain making it echoes, finally calmed down only when the dawn arrived.Definitely exhausted he spended the successive hours just sleeping in the cave, the cold of that place was not that harsh for him and the creatures of the mountain avoid that spot as well.Finally taking back some kind of control, his hands goes again to the journal*
"..4 Ches? i believe 1357
...misunderstanding.This is the key word that i found myself to focus on once calmed down, it defines the WHOLE day. It started well, surprisingly, with an enjoyable chat holded at the campfire.I have met new adventurers, helped them out and just enjoyed a chat, like used to do at Beregost.A couple showed interest but i have just left them with the flyers and let them think on what they want to do.I have never been after "numbers" afterall...i just want to be sure that they understand the principles that this guild will stand for.Then the chat was interrupted by a couple of..i believe human bandits trying to scam us. Not sure to say if it was funny or..deprimental. Then we moved inside town, stayed at the elf song keeping to enjoy that chat..seemed like a relaxing morning and early afternoon and..father Trent, a kind and funny priest of Sune,tried to invite us...me included, i think, to the Halls.He said that there was only a misunderstanding. That they are still my friends.
I don't know...whenever i think of them i can only remember that day..the talk with Alyssia the "ambush" Lily accuses me of...the lies spreaded around town,i only feel pain..but this could be because of the constant CONSTANT stream of days of disappointment...Shadziya choosing to live in the darkness, Salim falling to corruption, Jalib still believing that i care for their political games...and now? Shea. The day was already frustrating enough with the answers arrived from my Lord and brother Olmyr...Sirion and Edelgarde tried to cheer up my mood..i will be forever thankful of that, is like a ray of light in the storm..but afterward? afterward Shea reached me,i tried to talk with her and make her understand "why" i acted like that and "why" we CANNOT deal with Thayans.I reminded her that she was the only one who wanted that meeting and that i asked for them to stay for their "support" ...and did not mean it standing against the bar in silence the whole damn time.I kept calm, i explained as calmly as i can as best as i could..and what she got out of it? that i blamed her for how the encounter went. She ignored whatever i said just to understand what she wanted to, broke our contract and said goodbye.
Shadzyia, Salim..i could hold that because i did not trust them really to begin with. They were a worthy possibility still, one that i wanted to believe into...and feel no regret in that. Shea? on her i had expectations. She believed in the project and said to have understood the principles on why i founded it...not that i kept her close, that's why it doesn't hurt like with my ex sisters,but still these broken expectations just..."
*He stops and emits a very deep sigh, observing his breath white as smoke filling the air for few moments, closing his eyes afterward.His memory going back to when he abandoned everything the first time, the temptation to do it again; abandon all those souls, all of those that wishes for something from him...just leaving everyone and everything behind to roam the world one more time in silence.*
..is it really a better life? if you still believe..you should fight.. *the voice of his ancestor resonating in his mind, surprising a little the aasimar since was a lot of time since the last time he heard it,weakly answering back* "..is too impossible.."
..perhaps you are right...but those halflings were as well. Keep in mind their words.Focus on what you achieved, not on the failures
*and his mind goes back to the several travelers,the several souls, helped along his road at those words, the evil he stood against even in impossible odds, even when others never believed was doable or was something achievable. The people that thanked him, those that still seek for him, those that still laugh and cheer him up.Those that offered support in this new project and do their best to help him out.His eyes would fill a bit up with water still holding back from crying*
...where others drowns,you keep diving ahead...you know what will wait at the end of this path, for better or worst, and that is what differs you.
*gulping down a bit, open slowly his eyes when few more words were left to him*
Take this day for yourself. Pick yourself up once more.Be conscious as you have been...and give it time
*looks a moment around, almost expecting to see his ancestral parent there for few moments, but only silence and the howling of the wind in the cave is what was left. Picks up the quill and the Journal once more*
"..Ysmael is right.I have still promises left to uphold...and if i learned something from Shea..is that i stood in Alyssia shoes once again...maybe... tomorrow i will seek out for father Trent.."
"..4 Ches? i believe 1357
...misunderstanding.This is the key word that i found myself to focus on once calmed down, it defines the WHOLE day. It started well, surprisingly, with an enjoyable chat holded at the campfire.I have met new adventurers, helped them out and just enjoyed a chat, like used to do at Beregost.A couple showed interest but i have just left them with the flyers and let them think on what they want to do.I have never been after "numbers" afterall...i just want to be sure that they understand the principles that this guild will stand for.Then the chat was interrupted by a couple of..i believe human bandits trying to scam us. Not sure to say if it was funny or..deprimental. Then we moved inside town, stayed at the elf song keeping to enjoy that chat..seemed like a relaxing morning and early afternoon and..father Trent, a kind and funny priest of Sune,tried to invite us...me included, i think, to the Halls.He said that there was only a misunderstanding. That they are still my friends.
I don't know...whenever i think of them i can only remember that day..the talk with Alyssia the "ambush" Lily accuses me of...the lies spreaded around town,i only feel pain..but this could be because of the constant CONSTANT stream of days of disappointment...Shadziya choosing to live in the darkness, Salim falling to corruption, Jalib still believing that i care for their political games...and now? Shea. The day was already frustrating enough with the answers arrived from my Lord and brother Olmyr...Sirion and Edelgarde tried to cheer up my mood..i will be forever thankful of that, is like a ray of light in the storm..but afterward? afterward Shea reached me,i tried to talk with her and make her understand "why" i acted like that and "why" we CANNOT deal with Thayans.I reminded her that she was the only one who wanted that meeting and that i asked for them to stay for their "support" ...and did not mean it standing against the bar in silence the whole damn time.I kept calm, i explained as calmly as i can as best as i could..and what she got out of it? that i blamed her for how the encounter went. She ignored whatever i said just to understand what she wanted to, broke our contract and said goodbye.
Shadzyia, Salim..i could hold that because i did not trust them really to begin with. They were a worthy possibility still, one that i wanted to believe into...and feel no regret in that. Shea? on her i had expectations. She believed in the project and said to have understood the principles on why i founded it...not that i kept her close, that's why it doesn't hurt like with my ex sisters,but still these broken expectations just..."
*He stops and emits a very deep sigh, observing his breath white as smoke filling the air for few moments, closing his eyes afterward.His memory going back to when he abandoned everything the first time, the temptation to do it again; abandon all those souls, all of those that wishes for something from him...just leaving everyone and everything behind to roam the world one more time in silence.*
..is it really a better life? if you still believe..you should fight.. *the voice of his ancestor resonating in his mind, surprising a little the aasimar since was a lot of time since the last time he heard it,weakly answering back* "..is too impossible.."
..perhaps you are right...but those halflings were as well. Keep in mind their words.Focus on what you achieved, not on the failures
*and his mind goes back to the several travelers,the several souls, helped along his road at those words, the evil he stood against even in impossible odds, even when others never believed was doable or was something achievable. The people that thanked him, those that still seek for him, those that still laugh and cheer him up.Those that offered support in this new project and do their best to help him out.His eyes would fill a bit up with water still holding back from crying*
...where others drowns,you keep diving ahead...you know what will wait at the end of this path, for better or worst, and that is what differs you.
*gulping down a bit, open slowly his eyes when few more words were left to him*
Take this day for yourself. Pick yourself up once more.Be conscious as you have been...and give it time
*looks a moment around, almost expecting to see his ancestral parent there for few moments, but only silence and the howling of the wind in the cave is what was left. Picks up the quill and the Journal once more*
"..Ysmael is right.I have still promises left to uphold...and if i learned something from Shea..is that i stood in Alyssia shoes once again...maybe... tomorrow i will seek out for father Trent.."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*after looking Betty going away, he was going to prepare for the next encounter but decided to actually take a break and write on his journal, sitting on the booth by himself*
"7 Ches 1357
Have been a bit since the last time i wrote in here...since that frustrating day.Well, i recovered once more, getting used to the pain and being hurt by now...not really something that i enjoy, but what else should i do? give up? who am i kidding, even Ashenie understood that i am not one who accept defeat easily...and this is really making me stronger, as painful as it is.
For example, the other day that madman of Salim pestered me with sendings, by the way should ask Alarielle or Isabella if exist a spell to block them, he tried to force me to go to the temple of Bane alone or he would sacrifice innocent lives...i admit, at first i let my emotions rush to me once more but...i stopped, listened to those around me, and actually reflected on how much was a bad idea. Of course, sister Ashenie still wanted to talk to him and dissuade him from his madness...she did not see what i have seen, i cannot blame her for wishing to try...i walked with her toghetr with others and everything went a little bit as i expected. Thought he would have talked longer, honestly, but in the end was all a ruse just to harass us.After that, as well, i went with the others of the Flame to the greypeaks, trying to find that obsidian that was asked to retrieve...well, we met a dhaerow assaulting Blackrose soldiers.
Did not recognize it as a drow at fist, we just seen this fight between the blackrose and him and i was quite buffled...we didn't have much time to take a decision that he fled, but after a while he followed us to the mountains. He was armed and he was...a bit of a lunatic. I did not really wish to fight, but who was with me was right. He "was" dangerous.We tried to fight him but..was a massacre...and i was too weak to protect them...this thought still haunts me a bit, but who would have guessed? one hour near the campfire with my companions, a bit of tea, and we stood up again to go and fight on the peaks.In the past such a violent defeat and seeing my friends fall would have caused me pain for days...I am just a bit worried on what i am losing for such a resiliance.
I am saying this because of this human, this Zamari, is a scoundrel and a scammer, with proofs of her being up to no good...she is lurking around the temple of Ilmater and pretending to change for another scam she has planned...and i am not really willing to allow her to stay around there. In the past, i would have tried to give her a chance to actually change...but..now? after what she has done and said? no, not even if she actually meant it. She had her chance, i will not give a third.Still Sister Ashenie and that new adventurer, Lyna, wish to keep her around and try to show her a better way of life..and i am thankful for that. They reminded me what i created the Flame for, trying to give a chance to those that live in the dark.
Lyna...she is another one that reminds how i was...what i wanted for things to be.I just hope that she will not face prejudice and mistreatment for what she stands for...and Zamari has taken a weird liking to her,that worries me.Today i teached her how to fight and showed her some lands around Beregost and the Friendly Arm Inn...there were others like Vyrlin too...he told me that was accepted at Doron Amar but needs still three speakers for him. I was happy. Is good for the village to get new life and i am sure that Alarielle will be glad to have someone to speak with...same for Lily..."
*stops a moment looking melanchonic at the page again, closing his eyes a moment and then going back to write*
"..i'd wish to reach them out again..i'd wish to laugh togheter again...i still have not accepted that it is not going to happen anymore. Because, seriously, once they will know that i am helping a half-dhaerow growing and improving...well, who knows...i mean, they cannot be so paranoid that will have it even on those of mixed blood, right?..i hope they will talk with her, one day, and see what i have seen...untill then i can just keep moving on, with my projects and plans.Speaking of that, another one joined the Flame, this rookie is a bit...of a ball of chaos, but is funny and i wish to believe that can help people outs with those powers.Who knows, time will tell...well better if i go now, i have other things to do"
"7 Ches 1357
Have been a bit since the last time i wrote in here...since that frustrating day.Well, i recovered once more, getting used to the pain and being hurt by now...not really something that i enjoy, but what else should i do? give up? who am i kidding, even Ashenie understood that i am not one who accept defeat easily...and this is really making me stronger, as painful as it is.
For example, the other day that madman of Salim pestered me with sendings, by the way should ask Alarielle or Isabella if exist a spell to block them, he tried to force me to go to the temple of Bane alone or he would sacrifice innocent lives...i admit, at first i let my emotions rush to me once more but...i stopped, listened to those around me, and actually reflected on how much was a bad idea. Of course, sister Ashenie still wanted to talk to him and dissuade him from his madness...she did not see what i have seen, i cannot blame her for wishing to try...i walked with her toghetr with others and everything went a little bit as i expected. Thought he would have talked longer, honestly, but in the end was all a ruse just to harass us.After that, as well, i went with the others of the Flame to the greypeaks, trying to find that obsidian that was asked to retrieve...well, we met a dhaerow assaulting Blackrose soldiers.
Did not recognize it as a drow at fist, we just seen this fight between the blackrose and him and i was quite buffled...we didn't have much time to take a decision that he fled, but after a while he followed us to the mountains. He was armed and he was...a bit of a lunatic. I did not really wish to fight, but who was with me was right. He "was" dangerous.We tried to fight him but..was a massacre...and i was too weak to protect them...this thought still haunts me a bit, but who would have guessed? one hour near the campfire with my companions, a bit of tea, and we stood up again to go and fight on the peaks.In the past such a violent defeat and seeing my friends fall would have caused me pain for days...I am just a bit worried on what i am losing for such a resiliance.
I am saying this because of this human, this Zamari, is a scoundrel and a scammer, with proofs of her being up to no good...she is lurking around the temple of Ilmater and pretending to change for another scam she has planned...and i am not really willing to allow her to stay around there. In the past, i would have tried to give her a chance to actually change...but..now? after what she has done and said? no, not even if she actually meant it. She had her chance, i will not give a third.Still Sister Ashenie and that new adventurer, Lyna, wish to keep her around and try to show her a better way of life..and i am thankful for that. They reminded me what i created the Flame for, trying to give a chance to those that live in the dark.
Lyna...she is another one that reminds how i was...what i wanted for things to be.I just hope that she will not face prejudice and mistreatment for what she stands for...and Zamari has taken a weird liking to her,that worries me.Today i teached her how to fight and showed her some lands around Beregost and the Friendly Arm Inn...there were others like Vyrlin too...he told me that was accepted at Doron Amar but needs still three speakers for him. I was happy. Is good for the village to get new life and i am sure that Alarielle will be glad to have someone to speak with...same for Lily..."
*stops a moment looking melanchonic at the page again, closing his eyes a moment and then going back to write*
"..i'd wish to reach them out again..i'd wish to laugh togheter again...i still have not accepted that it is not going to happen anymore. Because, seriously, once they will know that i am helping a half-dhaerow growing and improving...well, who knows...i mean, they cannot be so paranoid that will have it even on those of mixed blood, right?..i hope they will talk with her, one day, and see what i have seen...untill then i can just keep moving on, with my projects and plans.Speaking of that, another one joined the Flame, this rookie is a bit...of a ball of chaos, but is funny and i wish to believe that can help people outs with those powers.Who knows, time will tell...well better if i go now, i have other things to do"
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*going towards the Risen phoenix Inn, her words still ring in his ears,words of shyness and fatigue, making his smile more wide, more soft and warm*
"Elves don't like me"
*reaches with his hand for the door*
"Humans don't understand me"
*while entering, would rises his hand to Samuel, to get his usual order*
"I am here to help those that do not have a place"
*sitting down on the booth would look at the half empty inn with that smile still on, uncaring for what others may think of his spirit so high*
"..please do not get your hopes too high...there are troubles with me at time"
*closes his eyes a moment then reaches for his journal, picking it up and ready to write once again*
"8 Ches 1357
Today, i understood what Ashenie has seen in me, so many months ago...today, i understood why she has so much faith in me..why she supported me for all this time and never faltered, despite my continous falling and failures.Why so many, despite they know who i am, still support me and believe in me...Is hard to describe...is not only hope, like Jyn gave me back and helped me moving again towards a new dawn. Is not really expectations either, because i cannot trust completely in her after all that happened...is like Ashenie said to me long ago and i could not understand, i look at her and see a new day coming...i would like to describe it better but is...difficult.
regardless...she is right.She will face many hardships, even if others do not understand really what she is, she will nonetheless...and i very likely will not be able to help her growth. I would like for her to join the Flame and observe her spark become a flame that change the future, but with all the problems surrounding me, is possible that i would not even be here tomorrow. It is alright, i know she will manage...i will talk of her to those that aided me so far, that helped me grow and i will hope that they will do it again for her."
*with that smile still on murmurs to the nothingness in front of him* "I know that i have to walk this path my Lord...but if i can ask for a little wish? if i can...express some selfish thoughts?..please, let me see this change...guide me to a path where i can observe this...*the smiles becomes a little smirk rememerbing Ashenie once more*this Chosen of the Moon bloom"
*after that moment of serenity his smile fades a bit and writes down once more*
"..yesterday i spoke with the paladin of Mystra, ser Fenwick. We have much to discuss and have to meet miss Netanya, Edelgarde and organize the Flame again...these days will be very busy.Yesterday i also met Alyssia again...she spoke casually to me. Normally. Like nothing happened. I will not deny that it hurted...but i sucked up the pain and did my best to hold a conversation. We spoke a bit..i think i misstepped once again with my words, even if i did not mean to..but..i want to believe that she understand that now? why i am staying away, why i am in pain when i see them...i hope she does.Lathander, please, tell me she does.."
*closes a moment his eyes a little resigned but then remembers her parting words, remembering that before his leaving she never said something like it*
Walk in beauty
*the sounds of his own blessing resounding in those words*"..did she..?" *shakes his head sending away those thoughts, but the smile still ingers on, hoping, for few brief moments*
"Elves don't like me"
*reaches with his hand for the door*
"Humans don't understand me"
*while entering, would rises his hand to Samuel, to get his usual order*
"I am here to help those that do not have a place"
*sitting down on the booth would look at the half empty inn with that smile still on, uncaring for what others may think of his spirit so high*
"..please do not get your hopes too high...there are troubles with me at time"
*closes his eyes a moment then reaches for his journal, picking it up and ready to write once again*
"8 Ches 1357
Today, i understood what Ashenie has seen in me, so many months ago...today, i understood why she has so much faith in me..why she supported me for all this time and never faltered, despite my continous falling and failures.Why so many, despite they know who i am, still support me and believe in me...Is hard to describe...is not only hope, like Jyn gave me back and helped me moving again towards a new dawn. Is not really expectations either, because i cannot trust completely in her after all that happened...is like Ashenie said to me long ago and i could not understand, i look at her and see a new day coming...i would like to describe it better but is...difficult.
regardless...she is right.She will face many hardships, even if others do not understand really what she is, she will nonetheless...and i very likely will not be able to help her growth. I would like for her to join the Flame and observe her spark become a flame that change the future, but with all the problems surrounding me, is possible that i would not even be here tomorrow. It is alright, i know she will manage...i will talk of her to those that aided me so far, that helped me grow and i will hope that they will do it again for her."
*with that smile still on murmurs to the nothingness in front of him* "I know that i have to walk this path my Lord...but if i can ask for a little wish? if i can...express some selfish thoughts?..please, let me see this change...guide me to a path where i can observe this...*the smiles becomes a little smirk rememerbing Ashenie once more*this Chosen of the Moon bloom"
*after that moment of serenity his smile fades a bit and writes down once more*
"..yesterday i spoke with the paladin of Mystra, ser Fenwick. We have much to discuss and have to meet miss Netanya, Edelgarde and organize the Flame again...these days will be very busy.Yesterday i also met Alyssia again...she spoke casually to me. Normally. Like nothing happened. I will not deny that it hurted...but i sucked up the pain and did my best to hold a conversation. We spoke a bit..i think i misstepped once again with my words, even if i did not mean to..but..i want to believe that she understand that now? why i am staying away, why i am in pain when i see them...i hope she does.Lathander, please, tell me she does.."
*closes a moment his eyes a little resigned but then remembers her parting words, remembering that before his leaving she never said something like it*
Walk in beauty
*the sounds of his own blessing resounding in those words*"..did she..?" *shakes his head sending away those thoughts, but the smile still ingers on, hoping, for few brief moments*
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*after placing alarms and wards in all the room, he goes to write on his journal while sitting on the bed*
"11 Ches 1357
Has been a bit of time since the last time i was able to write...and like always i lived really hectic and tiring days, i do not even know where to start. So, the problems of the Coast are always there, Polvich and its allies are causing mayheam and havoc all around. Every day i find myself new allies that support my endeavours and my researches.From what i understood, even the Dukes now are interested in what i am doing and told the other Houses to help me...that..seems was not really appreciated by everyone. I suppose i gained more enemies as well, but i wish to hope that they just will avoid me like plague...i hope. Drows assassins and spider cult ambushes are more than enough.
The other factions are...unyielding and uncompromising as ever...no matter what action i take, there is always someone disattisfied or someone arguing with someone else and then giving me the blame for some reason. Maybe Betty is right, i am too patient...but...i still remember how i was when i got controlled by rage. I learned by now to take these things a bit from afar...i still believe in this project, but for now i am just satisfied that they show up to listen. These informations i hold are still something that many should know, despite many people keeps telling me is a waste of time and should go on this path without giving them attention...i don't know, still feel like is wrong. Especially since there are many that are doing their part on this.
More recently, many got mad at Alarielle,and then at me, for "letting her lead the meeting"..i don't know, everyone keep believing that was something i organized to lead it, but i think none of them realized that i have never done such athing...why should have started at my first trial? i observed and learned how Alarielle was doing, i know a bit more for the next but i am still far away from being able to do this alone. Still..i believe did not go "so" bad?..i expected more yelling, more weirdness like last time...it went surprisingly smooth.I will reach to those that...did not partake for a reason or another, but will be hard and awkward.Especially because Alyssia and Boots just...took up and left without a word.It makes me worried of what new grudge started but...wish to hope for the best..
These days have been really stressfull but..surprisingly? i am not feeling the pain or the weight of it. Maybe i am really getting used to it, who knows...the only exception has been at tonight festival. The plan was to go with all of the Flame around and explore, but instead Tommy proposed to go to Winding Waters at a market festival organized by Edelgarde. Mostly we had fun just...Alyssia was there, of course...i don't know, it looked to me like she was so lonely and..and again without making a smile like in the past.I managed to hold back the pain and approach her..alright, it took me quite the effort, i tried to speak up so many times that i lost count before managing...but i did.I tried to open up to her but...is no use...she just keep jumping to conclusion, she keep hearing things and judge without even hearing my side is...is impossible like this...i really expected more from her...
Levi, Adrian...Lily...they were all there in the end..but their coldness does not hurt me anymore"
*smiles at the memory of his companions cheerfulness and smiles*
"i am not alone anymore, i created something that is attracting day by day new persons with pure heart and intentions.I gathered more allies and even if i from time to time make them mad, i know that can talk out with them Sure, some will still be difficult to discern, some will leave us at some point but...i feel blessed with what i have now...and so long that i am so surrounded by love and happines, the Halls cannot hurt me again.
..Shazy showed up again.She called me Heartbreaker and is hiding her own pain reversing hate on me...she is probably come back to spy and, or, has been bribed to keep an eye on me. I have to be carefull, i will double the wards tonight.."
"11 Ches 1357
Has been a bit of time since the last time i was able to write...and like always i lived really hectic and tiring days, i do not even know where to start. So, the problems of the Coast are always there, Polvich and its allies are causing mayheam and havoc all around. Every day i find myself new allies that support my endeavours and my researches.From what i understood, even the Dukes now are interested in what i am doing and told the other Houses to help me...that..seems was not really appreciated by everyone. I suppose i gained more enemies as well, but i wish to hope that they just will avoid me like plague...i hope. Drows assassins and spider cult ambushes are more than enough.
The other factions are...unyielding and uncompromising as ever...no matter what action i take, there is always someone disattisfied or someone arguing with someone else and then giving me the blame for some reason. Maybe Betty is right, i am too patient...but...i still remember how i was when i got controlled by rage. I learned by now to take these things a bit from afar...i still believe in this project, but for now i am just satisfied that they show up to listen. These informations i hold are still something that many should know, despite many people keeps telling me is a waste of time and should go on this path without giving them attention...i don't know, still feel like is wrong. Especially since there are many that are doing their part on this.
More recently, many got mad at Alarielle,and then at me, for "letting her lead the meeting"..i don't know, everyone keep believing that was something i organized to lead it, but i think none of them realized that i have never done such athing...why should have started at my first trial? i observed and learned how Alarielle was doing, i know a bit more for the next but i am still far away from being able to do this alone. Still..i believe did not go "so" bad?..i expected more yelling, more weirdness like last time...it went surprisingly smooth.I will reach to those that...did not partake for a reason or another, but will be hard and awkward.Especially because Alyssia and Boots just...took up and left without a word.It makes me worried of what new grudge started but...wish to hope for the best..
These days have been really stressfull but..surprisingly? i am not feeling the pain or the weight of it. Maybe i am really getting used to it, who knows...the only exception has been at tonight festival. The plan was to go with all of the Flame around and explore, but instead Tommy proposed to go to Winding Waters at a market festival organized by Edelgarde. Mostly we had fun just...Alyssia was there, of course...i don't know, it looked to me like she was so lonely and..and again without making a smile like in the past.I managed to hold back the pain and approach her..alright, it took me quite the effort, i tried to speak up so many times that i lost count before managing...but i did.I tried to open up to her but...is no use...she just keep jumping to conclusion, she keep hearing things and judge without even hearing my side is...is impossible like this...i really expected more from her...
Levi, Adrian...Lily...they were all there in the end..but their coldness does not hurt me anymore"
*smiles at the memory of his companions cheerfulness and smiles*
"i am not alone anymore, i created something that is attracting day by day new persons with pure heart and intentions.I gathered more allies and even if i from time to time make them mad, i know that can talk out with them Sure, some will still be difficult to discern, some will leave us at some point but...i feel blessed with what i have now...and so long that i am so surrounded by love and happines, the Halls cannot hurt me again.
..Shazy showed up again.She called me Heartbreaker and is hiding her own pain reversing hate on me...she is probably come back to spy and, or, has been bribed to keep an eye on me. I have to be carefull, i will double the wards tonight.."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*After rubbing a bit his eyes trying to hold back again new tears, decide to just distract himself by writing on the journal*
"13 Ches 1357
I begin to wonder if these journals will count for my promise with Goodfellow...should ask him one of these days.Anyway, yesterday was, of course, another day full of events and predictaments. Avery begins to feel the pain and weight of all the rumors and half truth spreading around. She is strong but even the strongest branch at some point breaks if costantly swayed. We talked today and mended, shared a bit of pain with her as well...but i wonder if maybe i should just stop opening up to people...but this is a tale for tomorrow. Spoke with sister Ashenie as well..she has always the right words to share, always such a pure wisdom...i'd wish to be able to reciprocate or show her my appreciation one day.At the campfire near the Friendly Arm inn there were many people but the atmosphere was quite..chill...I just left the manuscript i was supposed to give to the Archdruid and then went away. I later discovered why, and got pretty mad for a couple of hours, i had to hear from Sirion and a stranger the true thoughts that Edelgarde had about the meeting and how they were already twisting into rumors
I got so mad to her, she knows how much i dislike people talking behind others back without sharing their thoughts with the direct subject. I mean, hey, if i did not ask for her thoughts after the meeting? alright, i understand, was my fault for not asking...but she just bluntly lied to my face.What really makes me even more mad, is that she used "i am honest" as an excuse. A virtue is used to help people, not hurt others.I went away from Candlekeep quite mad and if it was not for Lyna cheerful spirit probably i would have been still upset.I had to help her training, but a sending from Netanya reminded me that i still had to give the manuscript to the Phoenix Company and the others.Lyna is surprisingly patient and followed me for half the coast..of course, Netanya had heard the "rumors" and asked if the meeting was that terrible.I don't know how did i suppress my desire to cover my face and scream, but i managed.
After that, had another appointment with Tirion to talk about the incident...he was surprisingly comprehensive and gave me some advices as well, of course one of them was that of giving up.Probably he was right, i should have listened...i tried to talk with Alarielle again, wanted to know a bit more...i do not really mind she calling me an idiot or saying that people don't trust me,i know is just her way to show concern....I was glad of that...but seems that either she misunderstood my words or the reason why i asked those questions...she said to never seek her out again.Thought that i would not let them hurt me again but, here we are."
*rubs a bit more his eyes avoiding crying and taking a deep breath*
"..despite this,despite the lies and rumors, seems our allies keeps growing day by day.Also commander Veslana offered her support and aid, i will try to coordinate with her and others that offered it and see if something more can be done all togheter.
I also clarified with Edelgarde, she said that understood and made a promise to always say on my face what she thinks...hope she uphold it and, who knows, maybe in time will learn to do so with others too.I wanted to help out Lyna training again for today but did not find her. I guess will just rest for a bit now, kinda need it."
"13 Ches 1357
I begin to wonder if these journals will count for my promise with Goodfellow...should ask him one of these days.Anyway, yesterday was, of course, another day full of events and predictaments. Avery begins to feel the pain and weight of all the rumors and half truth spreading around. She is strong but even the strongest branch at some point breaks if costantly swayed. We talked today and mended, shared a bit of pain with her as well...but i wonder if maybe i should just stop opening up to people...but this is a tale for tomorrow. Spoke with sister Ashenie as well..she has always the right words to share, always such a pure wisdom...i'd wish to be able to reciprocate or show her my appreciation one day.At the campfire near the Friendly Arm inn there were many people but the atmosphere was quite..chill...I just left the manuscript i was supposed to give to the Archdruid and then went away. I later discovered why, and got pretty mad for a couple of hours, i had to hear from Sirion and a stranger the true thoughts that Edelgarde had about the meeting and how they were already twisting into rumors
I got so mad to her, she knows how much i dislike people talking behind others back without sharing their thoughts with the direct subject. I mean, hey, if i did not ask for her thoughts after the meeting? alright, i understand, was my fault for not asking...but she just bluntly lied to my face.What really makes me even more mad, is that she used "i am honest" as an excuse. A virtue is used to help people, not hurt others.I went away from Candlekeep quite mad and if it was not for Lyna cheerful spirit probably i would have been still upset.I had to help her training, but a sending from Netanya reminded me that i still had to give the manuscript to the Phoenix Company and the others.Lyna is surprisingly patient and followed me for half the coast..of course, Netanya had heard the "rumors" and asked if the meeting was that terrible.I don't know how did i suppress my desire to cover my face and scream, but i managed.
After that, had another appointment with Tirion to talk about the incident...he was surprisingly comprehensive and gave me some advices as well, of course one of them was that of giving up.Probably he was right, i should have listened...i tried to talk with Alarielle again, wanted to know a bit more...i do not really mind she calling me an idiot or saying that people don't trust me,i know is just her way to show concern....I was glad of that...but seems that either she misunderstood my words or the reason why i asked those questions...she said to never seek her out again.Thought that i would not let them hurt me again but, here we are."
*rubs a bit more his eyes avoiding crying and taking a deep breath*
"..despite this,despite the lies and rumors, seems our allies keeps growing day by day.Also commander Veslana offered her support and aid, i will try to coordinate with her and others that offered it and see if something more can be done all togheter.
I also clarified with Edelgarde, she said that understood and made a promise to always say on my face what she thinks...hope she uphold it and, who knows, maybe in time will learn to do so with others too.I wanted to help out Lyna training again for today but did not find her. I guess will just rest for a bit now, kinda need it."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*Closed in the Song of the Morning, after sending few missives and prepared some more writings, he massages his forehead quite tired, deciding to write some more to relax himself and vent out*
"15 Ches 1357
Once again, i find myself wondering if i am actually made for all of this...there are just so many that tries to use me or cut me out, litteraly, that is becoming hard to understand who to trust and who not...and let's not speak about all the rumors flailing around.So, why am i writing this: as i wrote, Avery is beginning to lose it to her own pain..i'd wish to have the right words to keep her out of that but ,and as much as i'd wish not to think this, i believe in Isabella words when she says that "they do not wish to face the truth".Is easier to hate and bring pain afterall that face and accept a cold and harsh reality...but i keep wondering if it has to be like this. Alarielle, for example, i finally understood what went wrong with Natariel, i finally understand why there is so much pain and hate and...and i have no idea how to fix it. I believe they both have been played, but i have no proof if not their words...both speaks like is the truth, and i believe them...because either they are the best devils i have ever seen in these lands or both are selling the truth. THEIR truth.
Afterall, truth and lies are just that: a subjective perception of reality. What for me is a lie is a truth for another and viceversa...at the end of the day, only facts matters.I will try to speak again with Atria, she maybe will understand, no matter what others says i know she is far more calmer than their rumors implies and Alarielle is not unreasonable.Speaking of something different, En Dharasha agreed on a plan to follow a lead, this will finally give me time to respite and focus on other leads...i will try to reach for the Enclave again,but i know they are busy with their own path as well on this...maybe i can give some aid,but their fight is different from mine and i do not wish to burden them with anything more than they are already facing...
Then again, a new coin arrived with both its faces: on a side, i gained a new ally, one used to fight the darkness from the shadows and with more...i will kindly say "political ways" then i will ever be able to even comprehend"
*sighs a moment tired massagins his eyes then goes back into writing*
"and this was the good side, the bad side is that it seems now i have to watch my back from assassins on the surface as well. Hurray. Ah well...one more..one less...i have good friends, i keep preparing the right wards and keep on moving...this new contact as well said that i am doing good, althought leaving too many tracks...said will take care of that.It is actually the first that makes me doubt my own understanding of others...spoke with total honesty of things too sweet to be believed in. I will follow Tommy idea on this...and just..i don't know, he would say "roll with it woul ya" or something like that"
*chuckles a bit, finally cracking some amusing again but then with a soft and sad smile writes*
"I will just hope that this time will not end like with Lily...and.. have been blessed with friends, have been blessed with a new family, people that despite what they hear or see, do not push me away or turn their back on me...i have been blessed with allies as well..then why i still long for what i had? why i am unable to follow the advices that everyone, litterally everyone except Ashenie, is giving me and just..let them go, let them be in the mess they created with their own hands?...are questions that i keep asking myself since days and i just do not find an answer..despite what Alyssia said, i do not feel arrogant to tell them what to do, i am much in doubt a lot of times of my own choices, then what makes them think that i am? i really do not understand...at first, i wanted to stay away to keep them safe...both from myself and the shadows following me but...her words actually makes me fear even more that, if i get closer once more, they will just hurt me again or exploit me...i should probably focus on the coming Equinox.
Right, this Equinox i will do 42 human years and is the celebration of spring. Could have gone to Waterdeep but these lands need a bit of respite, some enjoyment and merryment. The flyers should be soon ready, everything is set and ready...now is just about enjoying the coming day and rest with those that wish to celebrate the arrival of spring.Everyone is giving me a hand for this, i hope it will turn out well. Ah, should probably go back to work...in a bit should start moving again.."
"15 Ches 1357
Once again, i find myself wondering if i am actually made for all of this...there are just so many that tries to use me or cut me out, litteraly, that is becoming hard to understand who to trust and who not...and let's not speak about all the rumors flailing around.So, why am i writing this: as i wrote, Avery is beginning to lose it to her own pain..i'd wish to have the right words to keep her out of that but ,and as much as i'd wish not to think this, i believe in Isabella words when she says that "they do not wish to face the truth".Is easier to hate and bring pain afterall that face and accept a cold and harsh reality...but i keep wondering if it has to be like this. Alarielle, for example, i finally understood what went wrong with Natariel, i finally understand why there is so much pain and hate and...and i have no idea how to fix it. I believe they both have been played, but i have no proof if not their words...both speaks like is the truth, and i believe them...because either they are the best devils i have ever seen in these lands or both are selling the truth. THEIR truth.
Afterall, truth and lies are just that: a subjective perception of reality. What for me is a lie is a truth for another and viceversa...at the end of the day, only facts matters.I will try to speak again with Atria, she maybe will understand, no matter what others says i know she is far more calmer than their rumors implies and Alarielle is not unreasonable.Speaking of something different, En Dharasha agreed on a plan to follow a lead, this will finally give me time to respite and focus on other leads...i will try to reach for the Enclave again,but i know they are busy with their own path as well on this...maybe i can give some aid,but their fight is different from mine and i do not wish to burden them with anything more than they are already facing...
Then again, a new coin arrived with both its faces: on a side, i gained a new ally, one used to fight the darkness from the shadows and with more...i will kindly say "political ways" then i will ever be able to even comprehend"
*sighs a moment tired massagins his eyes then goes back into writing*
"and this was the good side, the bad side is that it seems now i have to watch my back from assassins on the surface as well. Hurray. Ah well...one more..one less...i have good friends, i keep preparing the right wards and keep on moving...this new contact as well said that i am doing good, althought leaving too many tracks...said will take care of that.It is actually the first that makes me doubt my own understanding of others...spoke with total honesty of things too sweet to be believed in. I will follow Tommy idea on this...and just..i don't know, he would say "roll with it woul ya" or something like that"
*chuckles a bit, finally cracking some amusing again but then with a soft and sad smile writes*
"I will just hope that this time will not end like with Lily...and.. have been blessed with friends, have been blessed with a new family, people that despite what they hear or see, do not push me away or turn their back on me...i have been blessed with allies as well..then why i still long for what i had? why i am unable to follow the advices that everyone, litterally everyone except Ashenie, is giving me and just..let them go, let them be in the mess they created with their own hands?...are questions that i keep asking myself since days and i just do not find an answer..despite what Alyssia said, i do not feel arrogant to tell them what to do, i am much in doubt a lot of times of my own choices, then what makes them think that i am? i really do not understand...at first, i wanted to stay away to keep them safe...both from myself and the shadows following me but...her words actually makes me fear even more that, if i get closer once more, they will just hurt me again or exploit me...i should probably focus on the coming Equinox.
Right, this Equinox i will do 42 human years and is the celebration of spring. Could have gone to Waterdeep but these lands need a bit of respite, some enjoyment and merryment. The flyers should be soon ready, everything is set and ready...now is just about enjoying the coming day and rest with those that wish to celebrate the arrival of spring.Everyone is giving me a hand for this, i hope it will turn out well. Ah, should probably go back to work...in a bit should start moving again.."
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*Left alone in that place in that familiar place, his mind cannot help but bringing back more sweet memories...causing him even more pain. Observing the little puppy sleeping peacefully takes a deep breath and decide to write on the journal again*
"17 Ches 1357
This..is a mistake, i should not be here.In order, i spended the last two days organizing the final preparations for the Festival, my informants are quite, the scouts are quite..i had time to focus on something more pleasant for a change.Then, yesterday morning, i met Iolanna at the temple of Ilmater with Ashenie, i went there to hear how things were going but they were busy taking care of this poor fox that had lost its cubs.I did not inquiry but from what Iolanna said and implied...the poor youngs did not end well.Decided to stay there, help them taking care of her since they both had the hands full into preparing a medicine for the vixen, so i grabbed her into my arms and did my best to make it feel at ease. At the end got a "kiss" on the cheek out of the little one and the poultice that Iolanna and Ashenie worked wonderfully, they are really the best healers i have ever seen.
Since the druidess was at a loss on how to help her further, gave a couple of suggestions and we found out an idea that could work. Currently waiting for her to come and grab this brave cuddly puppy"
*chuckles and moves a finger over the miniscule head of the extremely young dog* Look what you made me write, tiny little rascal... *gently petting it like that for a moment before looking around again and sighing*
"After that, headed south with a young artist, Meril if i remember right the name, and while accompaning her around i have met Sigrid. She joined the Rocky Creek company, good for her and lucky them..was valuating her skills hoping for her to join the Flame, but does not really strike me as someone who would help others out of her heart. Anyway, on the mountain path we met Alyssia...it was awkward.
Did not really know what to say, or what to do. She acts like nothing happened despite me being still hurt. I don't hate her, is the exact opposite, but i do not want to be hurt again. Jyn somewhat made as an intermediary when we reached Nashkel again.Then Alyssia asked for help, that kinda...made things easier?...i am not heartless and started to help her how i could during our travel.When we stopped to rest, left alone, i tried to explain to her what was going on...why i am staying away.She thought that i did not care for them anymore...what sillyness. She then approached and gave me the second kiss on the cheek of the day...start to wonder if the rumormongers are right and this is what a "womanizer" do.
Anyway..spended the rest of the afternoon going around, talking with some people about Alyssia's problem and how we could help...and i also found this little one abandoned in a corner of the east district. Tried to find Iolanna without really making a sending, i was afraid to hurt him if i did some strange movement, so while i was talking with the man of the caravan outside the Gate i met her again. She looked frustrated and a bit angered...really can't help myself but try to cheer up others mood...did not really asked what happened at first, just asked her help with the puppy and some advices since,despite what Iolanna and Reiker said, i am really not that good with extremely young ones..
Alyssia invited me here at the Halls. I did not refuse but...still feel the same: incredibly uncomfortable. Believed this place to be my home...they to be my family..."
*his gaze wander one more time around the room where he spended time with them laughing and enjoying time, doing a bit of a sour face takes another deep breath and write down*
"she told me to stay here..that i will be safe...and then who will keep them safe? i-...no..is a nice excuse. Is true that i do not want to put them in harm's way, i still love them..but, i do not wish to stay here...it hurts.As soon as Iolanna arrives i will just go...besides, that she believes it or not, the danger in town is real.The least "they" see me here, the less are the probability they think i still hold them dear...it will be alright, the Halls will be fine. Alarielle is here afterall..and if she sees me here will get mad i think, so, better contact Iolanna again"
*after realizing how many excuses wrote up just to hide his own pain sighs a moment, but then put away the journal and tries to contact Iolanna again*
"17 Ches 1357
This..is a mistake, i should not be here.In order, i spended the last two days organizing the final preparations for the Festival, my informants are quite, the scouts are quite..i had time to focus on something more pleasant for a change.Then, yesterday morning, i met Iolanna at the temple of Ilmater with Ashenie, i went there to hear how things were going but they were busy taking care of this poor fox that had lost its cubs.I did not inquiry but from what Iolanna said and implied...the poor youngs did not end well.Decided to stay there, help them taking care of her since they both had the hands full into preparing a medicine for the vixen, so i grabbed her into my arms and did my best to make it feel at ease. At the end got a "kiss" on the cheek out of the little one and the poultice that Iolanna and Ashenie worked wonderfully, they are really the best healers i have ever seen.
Since the druidess was at a loss on how to help her further, gave a couple of suggestions and we found out an idea that could work. Currently waiting for her to come and grab this brave cuddly puppy"
*chuckles and moves a finger over the miniscule head of the extremely young dog* Look what you made me write, tiny little rascal... *gently petting it like that for a moment before looking around again and sighing*
"After that, headed south with a young artist, Meril if i remember right the name, and while accompaning her around i have met Sigrid. She joined the Rocky Creek company, good for her and lucky them..was valuating her skills hoping for her to join the Flame, but does not really strike me as someone who would help others out of her heart. Anyway, on the mountain path we met Alyssia...it was awkward.
Did not really know what to say, or what to do. She acts like nothing happened despite me being still hurt. I don't hate her, is the exact opposite, but i do not want to be hurt again. Jyn somewhat made as an intermediary when we reached Nashkel again.Then Alyssia asked for help, that kinda...made things easier?...i am not heartless and started to help her how i could during our travel.When we stopped to rest, left alone, i tried to explain to her what was going on...why i am staying away.She thought that i did not care for them anymore...what sillyness. She then approached and gave me the second kiss on the cheek of the day...start to wonder if the rumormongers are right and this is what a "womanizer" do.
Anyway..spended the rest of the afternoon going around, talking with some people about Alyssia's problem and how we could help...and i also found this little one abandoned in a corner of the east district. Tried to find Iolanna without really making a sending, i was afraid to hurt him if i did some strange movement, so while i was talking with the man of the caravan outside the Gate i met her again. She looked frustrated and a bit angered...really can't help myself but try to cheer up others mood...did not really asked what happened at first, just asked her help with the puppy and some advices since,despite what Iolanna and Reiker said, i am really not that good with extremely young ones..
Alyssia invited me here at the Halls. I did not refuse but...still feel the same: incredibly uncomfortable. Believed this place to be my home...they to be my family..."
*his gaze wander one more time around the room where he spended time with them laughing and enjoying time, doing a bit of a sour face takes another deep breath and write down*
"she told me to stay here..that i will be safe...and then who will keep them safe? i-...no..is a nice excuse. Is true that i do not want to put them in harm's way, i still love them..but, i do not wish to stay here...it hurts.As soon as Iolanna arrives i will just go...besides, that she believes it or not, the danger in town is real.The least "they" see me here, the less are the probability they think i still hold them dear...it will be alright, the Halls will be fine. Alarielle is here afterall..and if she sees me here will get mad i think, so, better contact Iolanna again"
*after realizing how many excuses wrote up just to hide his own pain sighs a moment, but then put away the journal and tries to contact Iolanna again*
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
Hidden: show
"Today i have met Alyssia again. Was for chance someone would say...i want to believe was Lathander's way again...despite even my own heart said to not trust her, that she will hurt me again.Driven by this fear i kept my guard up...i listened but answered warily.She called me Banite, again, and i answered back that they never really loved me as i loved them.She left quite coldly and i feared that once again i let my own fear and pain drive my words..with a bit of regret i reached the temple of Ilmater, seeking Ashenie guidance.Alyssia was there too..i did not expect that and at first i wanted just to go away...Ashenie stopped me and invited me to stay. We spoke for few minutes and..in those few minutes she managed to make me see it in another light,
Going back to Zamari and Alyssia, the pain gone, i acted more normally, more like Alyssia was a friend of mine. She made a smile, like the other day...true, it was because of the gem mostly, but i want to believe she really appreciated the gift.Leni, the priest of Halani, reached for us too..and Ashenie asked if we could meet Michi, the angel of Lady Firehair. I thought we were there for Zamari, althought she almost tainted the sacred pool, and so i stayed quiet during the whole ceremony...i believe i should have not been there neither but...instead of speaking for Zamari, Ashenie spoke for me. Asked protection for me, offering herself, because she knows my story...she was there from the start and followed me through the darkness most of the time, where so called defenders did worst...i felt so much pain and regret.
I always tried to keep her far like the others, because these threats that follow me around could do something horrible to her...and still always reached her when i was hurted, hurted more deeply than a blade can do.I felt so much guilty that i forgot where i stood and approached her again... I sang again, trying to express to her, to the members of the Halls, Michi and even the goddess herself why i fight and who i am..a song that i wrote long ago for when i was still a Guardian and that i always wanted to sing to them...to let them known that i would have always do my best to protect them...that i will still do as such. They did say nothing...except few words of farwell. I am a bit scared again that they will take it in a wrong way...i just got so used for them to do so, but..even if that song will be taken wrong? even if my most sincere act of love to them fell to def ears? i know that at least, there is one kind soul that know who i am..and that even if i have to walk through the hate and disdain of others, i will do my best to be
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Re: Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*On the caravan towards Greenest find himself with some free time and once more decide to take his usual journal to write on*
"19 Ches 1357
It has been a couple of peaceful days, somehow: yesterday celebration of the Equinox went very well, visitors from all parts came by, and had fun, even Natariel showed some happiness althought not sure how many catched eye of that. From the Gate noone came, of course, except Ashenie...not that i expected any different, althought hoped in Alyssia words for once after a long time. well, jokes on them, missed quite the amusing part with the dancing game.After that kept my promise to Iolanna and togheter with Rose and Lucia we headed to the shrine of Mielikki...was a nice feast, but i hope they did not take any offence in me not touching any food..was really bursting. Emmanuel and Ashling created quite the nice songs and Iolanna poem was beautiful. I also met finally this Sane, looked like a nice person althought...a bit too much interested in mushrooms? left me quite confused there.
I singed my song as well, althought i am not sure was as good as the others Iolanna is sure that attracted the feys...to me, they were attracted by the celebrations in general, but if they did like it i..am humbled to be honest, has been a long while since the creature of the forest listened to my music.Was having quite fun untill Nigel of the Radiants arrived, i just pretended he was not there and kept chatting with Iolanna and petting the animals that were gathering...i had no intention to ruin such a joyful event. Later also Betty arrived and was quite happy of that, not many of the Flame had chance to partake at the Equinox, and also Oth...he still seems to hate me for...really have no clue at this point. At first thought for the misunderstanding with Nathan, but after today i really have no clue.Towards the end, there was a little issue with another Nigel, this one thought is the exact opposite of the other..dignified, respectful, attentive...i am worried since he is the buttler of the Lady of the Zhents... but so long that keeps polite and civil tones, i have no qualms with him.He almost fell for Gwyn misdirected lightining
Did not required more than a couple of restorations and some heals thought to put him back on his feet.Betty then was reprimended by Emmanuel and she seemed did not appreciate it...hided away offended and..eh, i think the others are right, is hard for me to not look at her cheerful attitude, if this keep up they will really believe is my daughter. Anyway, after she managed to find her smile again we went back to the feast and also Nathan was there...i decided to not approach, i began to be tired and the last thing i wanted were some more glare or hateful words in such a day of peace. I just contemplated the blessings sended from Mielikki, the shrine was pulsating with divine energy althought not sure why few seemed amazed by it..Sayushi was also and we exchanged few words, but she did not say the complete truth. Maybe will share them another time, who knows. When the feast came to an end and also Betty was too tired, we just went away..it was a good day.
Right, today...today was not really peaceful...was so tired from the other day that actually rested half day...i am a bit ashamed but was just that tired,i mean the day before the Festival we had to repel another two attacks from the spider cult and made a patrol to seek out their hideout, then the Equinox...even now i am fighting a bit the tiredness and hold back the desire to go to sleep.Yet, so much happened....reached for sister Ashenie, three times actually, trying to break a topic but everytime we either got interrupted or there was something more urgent to talk about...Nathan and Oth began to speak with me again, but their words are neutral at best, glareful and hurtful at worst. Alyssia is hard to read seriously...the other day was so joyous and gentle, now seems so cold and distant...i want to believe is just the fact that we are both really busy and with little time to approach...but maybe this is for the best afterall. If i get too close again, i fear of what could happen to them.
The top thought, litteraly, that leave me quite frustrated and a little bitter, is what happened few hours ago. Me and others of the Flame were patroling some areas where cultists had been spotted, when received an urgent call from Iolanna...since her animal messanger can live little to interpretation, i thought something was very wrong, so i said to everyone to drop it and head towards south. My companions were...offended, to use gentle words, for the lack of explanation or why we should had rash, i told them that was urgent but...even i do not really know what we partook into. In fact, we founded a land invaded by undeads, quite powerful and almost endless...Iolanna was surrounded by three undead and was togheter with the Radiants and Darius rapresentatives, Oth and Nathan. The light of Lathander paralyzed many of the undeads allowing for a more safe elimination of them but..where just so endless..the light faded towards the end and some began to fall. If was not for the arrival of Alyssia and the others, i am not sure if we would had been fine.
Anyway, i tried to give them time to rest, said the same at Tommy as well once we reached Nashkel, but he departed a bit upset while i stayed behind...at some point i just had to ask what was that all about, and of course i received a very short and unsatisfing answer...that they believe it or not, in the Flame i am the patient one, if i give the answer received to them i am not sure if the others will agree to show up again next time...and i will put my own people wills before my own. I admit, am upset as well but i know what they are doing is important..still i cannot ask to the people that i cherish to go there without knowing what is going on for sure, and i will not abandon them in the middle of nowhere for people that do not even share the reason why they should die for them. Now i have to go, the people of the Silver Rose awaits me for a meeting..
"19 Ches 1357
It has been a couple of peaceful days, somehow: yesterday celebration of the Equinox went very well, visitors from all parts came by, and had fun, even Natariel showed some happiness althought not sure how many catched eye of that. From the Gate noone came, of course, except Ashenie...not that i expected any different, althought hoped in Alyssia words for once after a long time. well, jokes on them, missed quite the amusing part with the dancing game.After that kept my promise to Iolanna and togheter with Rose and Lucia we headed to the shrine of Mielikki...was a nice feast, but i hope they did not take any offence in me not touching any food..was really bursting. Emmanuel and Ashling created quite the nice songs and Iolanna poem was beautiful. I also met finally this Sane, looked like a nice person althought...a bit too much interested in mushrooms? left me quite confused there.
I singed my song as well, althought i am not sure was as good as the others Iolanna is sure that attracted the feys...to me, they were attracted by the celebrations in general, but if they did like it i..am humbled to be honest, has been a long while since the creature of the forest listened to my music.Was having quite fun untill Nigel of the Radiants arrived, i just pretended he was not there and kept chatting with Iolanna and petting the animals that were gathering...i had no intention to ruin such a joyful event. Later also Betty arrived and was quite happy of that, not many of the Flame had chance to partake at the Equinox, and also Oth...he still seems to hate me for...really have no clue at this point. At first thought for the misunderstanding with Nathan, but after today i really have no clue.Towards the end, there was a little issue with another Nigel, this one thought is the exact opposite of the other..dignified, respectful, attentive...i am worried since he is the buttler of the Lady of the Zhents... but so long that keeps polite and civil tones, i have no qualms with him.He almost fell for Gwyn misdirected lightining
Did not required more than a couple of restorations and some heals thought to put him back on his feet.Betty then was reprimended by Emmanuel and she seemed did not appreciate it...hided away offended and..eh, i think the others are right, is hard for me to not look at her cheerful attitude, if this keep up they will really believe is my daughter. Anyway, after she managed to find her smile again we went back to the feast and also Nathan was there...i decided to not approach, i began to be tired and the last thing i wanted were some more glare or hateful words in such a day of peace. I just contemplated the blessings sended from Mielikki, the shrine was pulsating with divine energy althought not sure why few seemed amazed by it..Sayushi was also and we exchanged few words, but she did not say the complete truth. Maybe will share them another time, who knows. When the feast came to an end and also Betty was too tired, we just went away..it was a good day.
Right, today...today was not really peaceful...was so tired from the other day that actually rested half day...i am a bit ashamed but was just that tired,i mean the day before the Festival we had to repel another two attacks from the spider cult and made a patrol to seek out their hideout, then the Equinox...even now i am fighting a bit the tiredness and hold back the desire to go to sleep.Yet, so much happened....reached for sister Ashenie, three times actually, trying to break a topic but everytime we either got interrupted or there was something more urgent to talk about...Nathan and Oth began to speak with me again, but their words are neutral at best, glareful and hurtful at worst. Alyssia is hard to read seriously...the other day was so joyous and gentle, now seems so cold and distant...i want to believe is just the fact that we are both really busy and with little time to approach...but maybe this is for the best afterall. If i get too close again, i fear of what could happen to them.
The top thought, litteraly, that leave me quite frustrated and a little bitter, is what happened few hours ago. Me and others of the Flame were patroling some areas where cultists had been spotted, when received an urgent call from Iolanna...since her animal messanger can live little to interpretation, i thought something was very wrong, so i said to everyone to drop it and head towards south. My companions were...offended, to use gentle words, for the lack of explanation or why we should had rash, i told them that was urgent but...even i do not really know what we partook into. In fact, we founded a land invaded by undeads, quite powerful and almost endless...Iolanna was surrounded by three undead and was togheter with the Radiants and Darius rapresentatives, Oth and Nathan. The light of Lathander paralyzed many of the undeads allowing for a more safe elimination of them but..where just so endless..the light faded towards the end and some began to fall. If was not for the arrival of Alyssia and the others, i am not sure if we would had been fine.
Anyway, i tried to give them time to rest, said the same at Tommy as well once we reached Nashkel, but he departed a bit upset while i stayed behind...at some point i just had to ask what was that all about, and of course i received a very short and unsatisfing answer...that they believe it or not, in the Flame i am the patient one, if i give the answer received to them i am not sure if the others will agree to show up again next time...and i will put my own people wills before my own. I admit, am upset as well but i know what they are doing is important..still i cannot ask to the people that i cherish to go there without knowing what is going on for sure, and i will not abandon them in the middle of nowhere for people that do not even share the reason why they should die for them. Now i have to go, the people of the Silver Rose awaits me for a meeting..
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Ailander
- Posts: 108
- Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:17 am
Kelian Hannen : New Dawn
*while the line of the fishing rod lies still on the water, the spent gaze of the aasimar lies a bit towards nowhere, making a little deep sigh of sadness. Lowering his gaze, the journal sprout out of the backpack on his side and with a pout decide to write on it*
"21 Ches 1357
It was too sudden. I know that he was always the free spirit but..but like this is unfair. Tommy was with me from the start...he helped me out with the problem of the drows, he helped me fighting in the underdark and stop the plans of the cult. His eyes, ears and skills helped me walk this path all along and his support is..was.. something that i will never forget. We fought, i mean, all friends do that from time to time but we always made peace after it...but most of all? he made me laugh. Each day, each adventure, each step on the road with him was a continous laugh and fun...i owe him so much..and i will never have the chance to tell him that.
He decided to leave, all of a sudden...i wonder if was my fault...was i too leanient with the other factions? he always wanted to toss a tomato to Alarielle,to Emmanuel for how they treated me, maybe i should have let him...he sounded so pissed and frustrated for how they acted, especially after Cloudpeaks...or was i too worrysome about his choices in general? did he leave for that?...gods, Tommy, i should hate you...leaving like that with only "i will travel on by myself" is too unfair...for "pun"ishment i will dedicate the Chesse Storage when the Hall will be ready to him. Something on the line "Tommy CheesyRoom" or something like that, so when he comes back everyone will laugh at him...
..i really hope he will come back...he also have to apologise to Rakiri...she cried so much, she felt so much pain...he is an idiot..did not even realise that if was trying to learn common was for him...moron, stupid...i could not help myself..i cried with her.Why it always have to hurt when people dear to you leave or push you away?..is unfair,is-"
*a couple of tears drip again the page and he quickly goes to dry his face up taking a deep breath to calm down*
"..he will come back, one day, i am sure...and when he does, i hope he will be prepared because i am gonna spank the heavens out of him like the child he is...but untill then: please, Lathander, keep him safe..and i wish you a lot of laughters and fun on your adventures, my friend."
//Thank you Rage for all the fun we had togheter, i hope one day you'll come back to play
"21 Ches 1357
It was too sudden. I know that he was always the free spirit but..but like this is unfair. Tommy was with me from the start...he helped me out with the problem of the drows, he helped me fighting in the underdark and stop the plans of the cult. His eyes, ears and skills helped me walk this path all along and his support is..was.. something that i will never forget. We fought, i mean, all friends do that from time to time but we always made peace after it...but most of all? he made me laugh. Each day, each adventure, each step on the road with him was a continous laugh and fun...i owe him so much..and i will never have the chance to tell him that.
He decided to leave, all of a sudden...i wonder if was my fault...was i too leanient with the other factions? he always wanted to toss a tomato to Alarielle,to Emmanuel for how they treated me, maybe i should have let him...he sounded so pissed and frustrated for how they acted, especially after Cloudpeaks...or was i too worrysome about his choices in general? did he leave for that?...gods, Tommy, i should hate you...leaving like that with only "i will travel on by myself" is too unfair...for "pun"ishment i will dedicate the Chesse Storage when the Hall will be ready to him. Something on the line "Tommy CheesyRoom" or something like that, so when he comes back everyone will laugh at him...
..i really hope he will come back...he also have to apologise to Rakiri...she cried so much, she felt so much pain...he is an idiot..did not even realise that if was trying to learn common was for him...moron, stupid...i could not help myself..i cried with her.Why it always have to hurt when people dear to you leave or push you away?..is unfair,is-"
*a couple of tears drip again the page and he quickly goes to dry his face up taking a deep breath to calm down*
"..he will come back, one day, i am sure...and when he does, i hope he will be prepared because i am gonna spank the heavens out of him like the child he is...but untill then: please, Lathander, keep him safe..and i wish you a lot of laughters and fun on your adventures, my friend."
//Thank you Rage for all the fun we had togheter, i hope one day you'll come back to play