Deirde

[New Me]

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Maintaining the Stability

She entered the compound, from the sewers, with a sigh. Saying that she she didn't like the sewers would be an understatement.

Resisting the urge to take a bath right away, she decided she to look around a bit more instead.

She walked around the property, checking every door and window for possible tampering, making sure that the ones that were supposed to be locked really were.

She wasn't asked to do this, and it was not part of her responsibilities, but she did them anyway. She liked the routine, having responsibility, having purpose, in what ever small amount that would be. It provided her with the stability she felt she so desperately needed.

Finally content with her inspection, she rushed to take a bath, tripping a bit on the stairs as she hastily walked down to the basement. Was a while since she took a proper bath, so she made sure to make up for it by soaking in the water for hours, making sure to change the water several times.

Feeling relaxed from her bath, she moved to the sleeping quarters, took one of the beds as her own, and crawled into it. Although she couldn't fall asleep for a while longer, she was content, imagining as she rested, about what the next few days might bring.

[New Me]

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Season 2 finale:

She was sitting on top of the Friendly Arm Inn, with a friend. It's been an uncertain amount of time since she last did that, as sometimes time really does pass strangely, indeed.

She could finally smile, like before, or close to it, but not without a price. Something she had tried the day before had left her exhausted. Weaker, but at the same time, undoubtedly wiser.

The attempt she made was not a complete success, but it was a success, still. She could feel the change, the sense of control. But she also knew that it wasn't over yet and that she would have to make another attempt, at some point in the future.

But for now she was content. Now she knew what she had to do, or at least she had an idea of ​​what to do next. She will be more prepared, for next time.

Relaxing on top of the Inn, she felt empowered. And indeed, with her recently acquired stability, and having friends she knew she could lean on, she felt there was nothing that could stop her. She knew she wasn't alone.

[New Me]

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Revisiting the Roof - spin off

She landed on the ground, from the roof, with surprising ease, and dashed into the nearby alley, without loosing breath.

Turning back at the roof, and the pair on it, she felt conflicted. She loved her friends, there was no doubt about that. But, love, of any kind, can easily turn into jelousy.

Remembering the past few years, the relationship that she had with them, she felt sad. She was happy for them, at their discovery of something greater than friendship. But, at the same time, that made her feel pushed aside, unwanted, a nuisance, a third wheel.

She was afraid to confront them about how she felt. On how she truly felt. So she decided just to smile at them, pushing her pain deep inside her.

Concealed in the shadows of the alley, she waited, as people would walk past her, not even noticing her. It was easy to hide, for someone as small as her.

Her ears twitched, at the barely noticeable sound, sound of someone trying not to be heard.

"Well done, to notice me, boy." the voice addressed her, as the turned at the man, reaching for her daggers.

[New Me]

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Meeting the Boy

She was shaking in the cold night, in a small alley, somewhere. Frightened and hungry, she could barely understand the world around her, its rules and purposes, its meaning, as it would be expected from a small child.

Not being the only child around there without shelter, made her think it was normal. She depended on others for food and what ever clothing she could get, to prevent her from freezing to death. There was always something given to her, every day, from various people, but none of them wanted to take full responsibility for her, a homeless child.

A smell of freshly baked bread reached her, and she raised head to take a point blank stare at a still warm loaf of bread.

"You hungry? Want some?" a voice asked, that belonged to a boy holding the bread, barely few years older than her, but much larger.

She hastily took the bread, knowing that hesitation could only lead to an empty belly, and started to eat diligently, looking at certain shape on the boy's buckle.

The boy chuckled: "Easy there. Nobody is going to steal that from you. I will protect you." The boy stood there, watching over her as she ate.

"I am Jason" the boy said.

Looking at the same spot, and seemingly not listening, she attempted "Dee..." before she started to choke on the bread she was still chewing.

The boy jumped to her aid. Few awkward moments later, she did manage to spit out her potential cause of death.

The boy let out a sigh of relief. "Well, nice to meet you, Dee! Come, let’s go and find someplace warm." the boy smiled, with his hand reaching out to her.

[New Me]

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Facing the Mirror

She sighed, entering the baths, and carefully folding her festive garments. Was long and exhausting night, but she was glad she went there.

Several things happened, and she was contemplating on them, as she was soaking in the tub. Events that happened, people she saw, names she heard.

She was close to fall asleep there, in the tub, but her head submerged for a moment, offering a quick and a bit unpleasant waking up.

Slightly annoyed, she got up, covered herself with a bathrobe and went for the sleeping chambers. On the way, she passed next to a mirror, and made a sudden stop. Making sure nobody was around, she revealed her robes, and took a long look at the mirror, with a frown. Moving her hand along her body, and following it in mirror's reflection, she wasn't pleased at what she saw, resisting the urge to smash the mirror into pieces.

Eventually, her gaze went up to her face, still with her mask on. Hesitating, she removed the mask, and took a long stare at the face looking back at her.

She was standing there, motionlessly and in silence, for hard to tell how long, until the chatter from the outside startled her, when she ran up the stairs and crawled into her bed.

[New Me]

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Reigniting the Purpose

She was standing in the shadows, in the forest, somewhere. Observing the familiar shapes from a distance, she felt conflicted.

With a sigh, she revisited the dreams she had been having...or rather, their absence. From pleasant dreams to nightmares, from those without logic to those full of meaning, dreams became part of her comfort. And, now, they were gone, completely, and for a while now.

That filled her with doubt. And fear. She was happy, for the most part, with her current situation, so she wondered... why was this happening?

She frowned, as she thought about her Oath and all the other promises and plans she had made. When was the last time she did anything about any of them? Did she ever? Has anything she ever done had any meaning or produced any result? Has she become too laid back and... lazy? Was she ever as hard working as she thought she was?

She had her doubts about what could be the trigger for this doubt, and she wasn't about to let herself be caught off guard again… but even there she didn't make any progress for a while. She was stuck in a place, losing sight of her purpose.

"I have to do something. Finish, at least something. So many... loose ends..."

With a trembling hand holding onto her sword, and one last glance at the shapes nearby, she slowly turned and walked deeper into the forest.

[New Me]

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Adjusting the Perspective

With a blank stare, she sat next to a fresh, unmarked, barely noticeable grave. She made sure, to follow the instructions given by the Man, to the letter. The nature will shortly claim over the spot, and nobody would even know.

What was he, to her? A mentor? For sure, the Man taught her a lot, over the past months. A lover? No, that never seemed to be the nature of their relationship, and even if it were, she would not be ready for it. A fatherly figure..? The last thought kept lingering in her mind, poking at the wound she never knew she had.

She was sad, and angry, mostly at herself. She was late, she failed. When he needed her, she was not there.

Her thoughts went to the last words the Man said to her: "Don't blame yourself, N****, take what you learned, and protect the others close to you. I am... at peace... don't worry, things will fall in it's place... with time..."

"Protect the others..." she whispered to herself, wiping the tears from her cheeks. With a sigh, she removed the veil from her face, and reached for the gift the Man prepared for her, an irregular, but perfectly fitting mask.

Adjusting to a new perspective, she payed her last respects to the Man, reached for her bags and a pair of blades left to her, and walked away in silence.

[New Me]

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Finding the Path - Part One

She sat down, exhausted, from trying to find the path back to the Inn. Seems these last few days she's been running in circles.

She thought, about the arrangement that she made with certain person, and how she failed to appear. But, there was no helping that, as she was lost. Lost, in the woods, that she thought she knew everything about.

She remembered, the events, that happened, several weeks ago.

//this would have happened, several weeks ago, indeed, but was never "published", for whatever reason://

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Starting The Prayer

Sitting in her chair, next to the window, she was looking out at the pouring rain, lost in her thoughts…
again…
She thought she had a grasp over her situation, that she was finally in control, or close it. But then, she
got swept off her feet, again..
With a sigh, she was contemplating the words she heard few days ago. Words said to her, in the voice
only she could hear. The voice she didn't hear from since.
Even if the words were fairly simple, she struggled with finding the meaning behind at least some of
them.
Suddenly, an image popped into her head, out of nowhere. Image, of a certain someone, she heard a lot
about in the past. Someone she actually have never given much thought about before. Someone, whose
name she heard herself saying, by pure chance, not so long ago.
Sitting in her chair, next to the window, she hesitated for a while, but eventually, started a silent prayer…

Her thoughts returned, to that name, now more meaningful than ever. Being lost, at a place like this, seemed almost as deserved.

"Am I really that stupid, and ignorant?" she though to herself. "What am I supposed to do, now?"

She thought of her friends, some that she departed, what she considered, in a bad blood. She needed to make amends.

She closed her eyes, again, and stared the silent prayer, repeating the words, that she put to flames some time ago.

Nothing happened, at first.

But, after some time, she could swear, she saw a certain paw print, leading her, in certain direction...

[New Me]

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Finding the Path - Part Two

„F***s…“ she cursed to herself in frustration, looking up from what she was doing, at the slowly dying fire, the first and last she started that day.

The path she took a few days ago did not bring her back to civilization. In fact, it took her even deeper into the wilderness.

She was no stranger to the wilderness, and was not afraid of it.

It didn't happen once, in the past, that she felt more at ease far away from everyone. But she was always able to return, once she would recharge. Here and now, trying to warm herself near the dying fire, was not where she wanted to be.

„Think, Deirde…“ she sighed. She had taken only the most basic equipment, before she entered the Woods, few weeks ago. She couldn't reach anyone, or use any tricks to get back. And all of her tracking skills only led her in circles.

„This is not where I want to be…“ she whispered, as she returned her attention to the piece of wood that she was carving.

[New Me]

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Finding the Path - Part Three

She made a slight smirk, aiming down her bow, at a couple of deer… playing. She wasn't certain if it was appropriate time of the season, but they didn't seem to mind.

„Oh, well… not that I was in the mood for game meat, anyway.“ she sighed, as she lowered her bow. They seemed to be healthy specimens, would not be the right thing to do.

She observed them for a while, until she realized how awkward and inappropriate it would look if someone saw her doing that.

„Have fun, over there.“ she said, seemingly to them, and turned around to give them some privacy, only to find herself face to face with a huge bear.

„O-oh…“

[New Me]

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Finding the Path - Part Four

She kept herself close to the shadows, trying not to get spotted. She was hardy an expert at hiding, but she understood the basics.

She observed a band of orcs, seemingly preparing for raid. Normally, she would not hesitate. Not even for a second. But, she had only small weapons with her, and no armor, and she could not count on her other… gifts, as well… at least not at this point.

There was something else concerning her. Relying on brute force, she would probably still be able to take them on, but…

She glanced back, at something, or someone. Keeping him safe could prove to be difficult. Still working on their relationship, she was not certain if he would listen to her, and keep safe distance.

She made a careless move, and made a slight noise. One of the orcs turned his head towards her, and made a slow approach to her position.

She sighed silently, and adressed that someone. „Hope you will listen to me this time. Stay here, no matter what would happen.“

She clenched her fists around the small blades, and leapt out of the shadows.

[New Me]

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Facing the Death

She tossed, and turned, in one of the rooms, at The Friendly Arms Inn. She woke up, in sweat, breading heavily, tears coming down her face. Standing up from her bed, she found herself as the roof of the Inn, staring into the distance. And the ground opened in front of her, and she kept falling...

She rolled, down the slope, near the golden tree. She stood up, and a shadow engulfed her.

She found herself, at Soubar, looking at people passing by. Their faces looking as blurred images. As she stood there, people turned to her, all at once, and surrounded her, getting closer, until she was lost in the middle of the crowd, not being able to breathe.

Then, she woke up again, with water splashing around her. It took her a moment, to realize she was finally truly awake.

She sat down, on the rock near the waterfall, with water still falling over her.

Thinking on several things that troubled her, she return to her meditation. One, that turned into dreams again...

[New Me]

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Sensing the Danger

She was lying in a tub, trying to relax and recover from an exhausing day. Her hand moved, to touch the latest… additions, on her back, but she stayed her hand an inch away.

With a sigh, she took a couple of deep breaths, and slowly submerged her head under the water. The sounds distorted around her for a while, until she was finally enveloped in complete silence.

Her thoughts moved to one recent event. This not being her first time, she knew what to expect, and the results didn't really surprise her.

But…

Aside from the fact, that people that supported her in the past were not present, she felt there was something else.. different. Some subtle difference, that she felt, but she couldn't put a finger on it. She could only sense that something was off… and the thought of it filled her with dread.

Getting lost in her thoughts for a moment too long, her attempt to take a breath met her with unpleasant surprise. As her lungs filled with water, she desperately grabbed at the tub. Finally managing to get a grip, she emerged from water, coughing out the water.

With a shake of her head and a frown, she left the tub and put on some spare clothes she had, just a moment before she heard sounds of footsteps approaching.

[New Me]

Spoiler alert! Yes, just as with every post before, things here contain possible spoilers... be aware...

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Visiting the Place

She stood, seemingly in deep meditation, in some forest.

Her senses expanded, far beyond most people would be able to achieve, reaching to things willing to give her a response.

Was a while since she came to these woods, that had... special meaning to her. Many things pushed her into coming here, and she is not leaving without answers.

Her clothes looked tattered. Not from being attacked by something, or anything like that, but just because of prolonged use. That was fine, she had a spare to change into, once she would decide to return.

And, the time for return was getting closer...

also... few changes are made to the first "introduction" post...

[New Me]

Spoiler alert! Yes, just as with every post before, things here contain possible spoilers... be aware...

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Things that Happen

Things happen...

We try to steer our future in direction we think it will make us most happy, but what do we really know?

Things happen...

So did Deirde try to plan her future a bit, but... what did she really know?

Things happen...

As she did her daily duties, both to friends and her gods... things happened...

Somewhere, who knows when... and who knows where... things happened...

What happened? Who knows, really? Some things are never meant to be found out...