Church of Ilmater RP

[ShadowFox13]

18th of Alturiak, 1361 DR

Carys and Elduril make their way back to the Shrine of The Suffering, with two bodies, wrapped hastily in spare sheets for transport, from the Eastern road along the River Chionthar. Carys looks shell-shocked and distraught, quiet as they go, holding the smaller bundle of the two.

When they arrive, both bodies are brought down into the Ossuary for further tending.

[DarkmoonKing]

19 Alturiak 1361 DR

The swordsman Elduril, currently stripped of his role as squire to the Triadic Order, entered the chapel to seek penance and recover the ground he has lost along the High Road. He passed Sister Carys who was just leaving the chapel, having finished a visit with the Revered Mother in her own search for penance, and the two exchanged a soft word and warm embrace, each of them solemn as they bore heavy hearts and consciences. The ex-mercenary knelt before the Revered Mother in supplication to confess to her and to He Who Endures his sins and shortcomings, opening his heart to humble his spirit that he might be absolved and restored to his place among those he admires and from whom he draws inspiration to lead a better, more righteous life.



After confession, Elduril spent the rest of the morning well into the afternoon assisting with chores around the temple. These were nothing new to the fallen squire, but they bore a renewed weight and meaning today - reminding the elf of his service to others, the importance of duty, and the necessity of remaining humble. He began with the task of changing sheets and cleaning bedpans in the infirmary, leaving the dirty linens with Sister Carys who began her laundry duties after cleaning the kitchen. Elduril then restocked the supply cabinet in the infirmary, ensuring there were plenty of clean linens, bandages, and other necessities for the infirm. Once finished there, he saw to chopping firewood to cord up fresh bundles for the kitchen and infirmary, following then with general repairs around the temple. Last of all he climbed up to the roof to inspect the thatching, ensuring it was intact, leaving no holes for the spring rain that would begin soon and last through the coming months.

[DarkmoonKing]

21 Alturiak 1361 DR

Having informed Revered Mother Juna and Revered Brother Khalso some days prior of his and Sister Carys's impending time away from the temple, Elduril arrived to confirm their departure, stating that they would likely be gone a day or two, perhaps longer. With a last check to make supplies were stocked and no repairs were needed, he leaves to gather Carys at her home and depart the city.

[ShadowFox13]

21 Alturiak 1361

Having tended to the body of the half orc - recorded as Uthur Grek, father of Druft Grek - Carys spends plenty of time in the Shrine, and especially during prayer-times, to meditate on the incident, her place in it, and how to seek guidance from Ilmater. Like Elduril, she confessed and unburdened herself to the Revered Mother.

"I was too slow to react, to stop further violence... and both Uthur and S-siobhan, paid for it...I was not powerful enough to restore either. I feel called to the Vow of Peace and yet I feel as though I am drawn to it for selfish reasons... the vow would make my choices easier, unburden my heart, but would it truly lessen the suffering of others? Or just myself? Ilmater, please, hear my prayer... guide me so I might know how best to serve you..."

She provides the details obtained from Uthur Grek's corpse, when she communed with the Dead as well - that he has no other living family than his son, Druft, and that the son was often chased and targeted for his mixed blood. She would also forward this information to the Watch, to better enable the placement of the boy either at the Orphanage or with another willing family.

The body has had the burial rites performed, and been laid to rest in a simple pine coffin, stored in the Ossuary until the remaining family of Uthur make the determination of how it will finally be laid to rest.

[ShadowFox13]

22 Alturiak 1361

Carys prepares a crate of medical supplies, stamped with the seal of the Temple. When asked about it, she provides that the Temple of Mystra will be picking this supply up for sir Fenwick's trip to Waterdeep. Inside the crate, all of his chronic medications, ointments, salves and inhalants, are packed with neatness and care, and laid atop is a thoughtfully, and neatly scribed book of care and dosage instructions, as well as common side effects and how to combat them.



25 - 26 Alturiak, 1361

Carys and others of the Shrine do their best to tend to the influx of common folk, injured in the riots sparked by the issuance of the Wanted posters. The tiefling novice bears what censure comes her way with a gentle stoicism - almost willfully ignorant and cheerful, in the face of it, though does not force her care onto those who vehemently refuse it - instead, she helps give Elduril lessons in first aid, so that he can help as well with those more opposed to her own help.

Later, Sister Carys would likely be seen speaking with the Watch, and organizing time to clean away and clear the damage to the White Mask Theatre, if she were allowed to do so.

[DarkmoonKing]

25-26 Alt. 1361 DR

In conjunction with the ever-diligent Sister Carys, the recently dismissed squire Elduril dutifully does what he can to lend his aid to the injured that find their way to the Shrine. He likewise tends only to those that accept his help willing, even the ones that greet him with questions like "aren't you that orphan-maker," following the instruction of the novice priestess in combination with his own elementary knowledge of field medicine from his time as a mercenary.

When the work is done in the infirmary, he also offers his help in cleaning away the vulgarity and filth from the White Mask theater. He takes on the lion's share of this work, being of greater physical endurance than his counterpart, and he happily takes up her share when she needs a breather or a water break. The two work through most of the night and finish in the small hours of the next morning, getting only minimal sleep before starting their tasks of the following day.

[ShadowFox13]

1 Ches, 1361

After their return form aiding the people of the Amnian town of Ruvilla, Carys and Elduril receive an unexpected visitor at the Shrine - a penitent Afendaria, presenting herself for penance by Ilmater, for the murder of a woman named "Grandma Betty", an Ilmateri of the Cloudpeaks.

Carys carefully pressed the woman for her intent and further details, iterating, "Your seeking Penance here is admirable, but it not the only step in your path, if you truly regret, what you have done. You will need to face Tyr's Justice. If what you say is True, then that Truth will out. We /will/ be compelled to report you to proper authority. You understand this?"

"So be it," The woman had replied. Hearing so, Sister Carys retreats to converse with Mother Juna on the matter, and a letter is sent with a runner to the Temple of Tyr.

[Afendaria]

After being convinced by Alan Copperchime that if she was truly sorry over the death of a certain Grandma Betty of the Cloudpeaks that she should go seek penance, Afendaria agreed to do just that. The two had been freeing slaves from pirates and had even saved villagers from bandits and doing other noteworthy good deeds for some time now, all acts that Afendaria thought would sew the hole of guilt she had felt over the death of Grandma Betty, but nothing seemed to truly mend the shame and remorse she had. Slowly she began to trust Alan over time through all of their adventures. So, believing the ex-squire, she agreed to perform penance for her sin. She quietly and peacefully gave herself to the mercy of the Ilmatari at the Shrine of Suffering. There she agreed to remain within the shrine of Ilmater for penance. Little did she know, however that the justice of Tyr would be involved.

The white wig wearing ex-Aurilite Afendaria spent time with Carys and Elduril where the three of them discussed the Tirad, past mistakes, and shared lentil lamb soup and mixed-berry pie smothered in cream. After a time, the large elf Elduril departed, but before he did left a book behind for Afendaria to read - "Confronting the Path" by Alexander Marshel.

But the shrine did not remain quiet. Soon an explosion of visitors arrived. First came Elisia up from the Ossury who at first spoke to Afendaria and Carys about some of her history in the Church of Kelemvor. Soon however, the conversation took a turn as Carys, the Novice of Ilmater and Elisia the Watcher of Kelemvor started getting into a deep discussion on how Tyr would judge someone now faithless like Afendaria for their crimes.

Suddenly, the ex-squire Alan Copperchime himself entered the shrine to see if Afendaria had indeed come to seek penance. He too jumped into the conversation over Tyr's judgement, and it seemed to be getting a little heated. Afendaria, not understanding anything about Tyr whatsoever, sat there absolutely bamboozled as she just listen to the three speak about how she might be judged. Just then some monk with half a shirt on had come in along with everyone's favorite Aurilite, Solaris Cult, and the two of them started adding to all the voices in the shrine.

Afendaria's attention went straight towards the member of her old faith, fearing what the Aurilite was going to do or say. At first it seemed that Solaris was just looking for her beloved Nathan-Poo, but seeing that Nathan wasn't present she noticed Afendaria. "WHY DID YOU ABANDON THE FAITH HEIDI!?" Screamed the Aurilite above all the voices in the little shrine. Solaris Cult then made her way over to Afendaria where she sat next to her and demanded to know why Afendaria had a thawing of heart, but in her questioning Solaris insulted the deceased Grandma Betty which angered Elisia the Kelemvorite. Soon a bowl of tomato soup was flung over Solaris Cult's white hair and she was told to get out. Solaris Cult made her exit covered in tomato, declaring that it was a sad day.

With so many voices and the confusion now getting to her already remorseful, scared, and tired self, Afendaria staggered off into the shrine's little chapel area and sat away from the crowd. As the voices quieted down eventually Elisia and Alan had come over to check on Afendaria. The Kelemvorite offered Afendaria a cloth, which she used to wipe away some of the tomato soup that had splattered across her shoulder. Meanwhile, Alan Copperchime tried to assure Afendaria that Tyr was a fair, and just God. In a moment of wisdom and virtue, truly worthy of someone who could be a Knight one day, Alan told a reassuring story about Tyr:

Hidden: show

"It is somewhat quite common that the Church of Ilmater leans on Tyr's judgement to see if someone is being truthful or not. The Scale is the perfect choice. Soo.. what happened less than a year ago, when the Church of Tyr was looking to capture some bandits, well... Some adventurers volunteered for the job, including a priest of Tyr and a Paladin of Tyr. The mission was successful and they returned to the temple. However, according to rumors the whole thing boiled down to a mess! One of the adventurers was accused of stealing by the Paladin. The adventurer denied the accusation and pointed the finger back at the Paladin, declaring it was him. The Abbot there new it couldn't be the Paladin, but it still became a mess. In the end he proposed everyone should stand trial before The Even Handed. Two adventurers passed the trail, and the paladin passed as well. Then it was time for the third adventurer - who was a known follower of a Fury - a "Silvanor Nightchant" - who was known for unspeakable crimes, one of his many crimes was creating a shrine to.. uh.. a God I forgot about. . the .. its a sky -god that makes thunder and things. So, Tyr knew he abandoned his path towards evil and knew he was willing to right the wrongs he had committed. This is a very important aspect of Tyr's dogma: to right the wrongs. So Tyr sent him on a quest.. that I do not know about.. it was just told that he was sent on a quest of redemption and was free to walk out of the temple. Then came the fourth adventurer! He was like Zerros! She turned out to be a liar with no regrets and so an Archon of Tyr appeared! She was sent down from the skies to smite this evil doer. She fled, though! And the Archon is still there in the church to this day! She is a justice Archon who will not leave until that demonic witch is dead! She killed over thirteen Paladins of Tyr after, so she was really, really evil! I heard she even sacrificed the Paladin who accused her of stealing, and now his mace sits in the church of Tyr! . . . At any rate! This was a very good moment of the Scale.. that highlights The Even Handed knows the absolute truth and is the fairest judge of all! If you are truly here to right the wrong, then you have nothing to worry about!

Alan also claimed "No one could be forced to take a trial, as the trial is a privilege, not a command. It is a privilege offered by the Shrine of Suffering. I suggest you take it." Carys would also add in later: "If you are true - and I think you are - your actions since, and witnessed by myself, Elduril... Alan, and Elisia.. all will speak in your favor. Tyr surely knows them already."

However, by this point, Afendaria had become so confused, tired, and stressed that she broke down and started to cry. She would collect her book Elduril had given her along with a book about the Triad from the Shrine's book collection. Carys would offer her a place to sleep upstairs, but Afendaria couldn't sleep at all. Instead she just sat by a lit candle and contemplated all that she heard that day as she wept. Do I have to seek penance with Ilamter? Should I seek it? Am I forced to take a trial with Tyr? Is Tyr truly just? What kind of God is Tyr even? If Tyr smites me will I sit in the wall as I am now faithless? I still have darkness in my heart and am connected to certain entities, but I'm trying! Can I be saved? Hundreds of scenarios and questions raced through her mind as she sat there alone with her own tears.

Time passed and with all the sadness, fear, remorse, and uncertainty flying around in Afendaria's mind, it seemed like an eternity had gone by. Eventually Elisia the Kelemvorite would come upstairs and break Afendaria's state of bewilderment. On her back the servant of the Lord of the Dead had a large pack and at her side a number of tools. Whatever was discussed in Afendaria's absence had caused the Kelemvorite to decide to leave the Ilmatari Ossury and shrine for good. The Kelemvorite had also assaulted Solaris Cult with a bowl of soup, a sort of violent act that was probably not promoted by the Ilmatari. Elisia placed the bag down on the floor and sat next to the ex-Aurilite, and together they conversed in silent whispers for a time. Soon the servant of the dead would have to leave to perform her daily rites in the Graveyard, but before she departed, Elisia left behind a third book for Afendaria: A book of Kelemvor's rites, prayers, and other passages.

Alone again, and unable to sleep, Afendaria decided that she would try to read. She picked up the book written by Alexander Marshel, read through the first page, then tossed it aside. Then she picked up the book of the Triad and opened up to a page containing a drawn symbol of Torm and commented to herself that if you just put an eyeball on the gauntlet, it would be like Helm. She closed this book and also placed it away. In a last attempt to try to read something, Afendaria opened Elisia's book of prayers and rites and started to read more about Kelemvor. She read a page, then reread it, and then read it again. For the rest of the night she forgot the strange predicament she was in and completely engrossed herself in the teachings of the Lord of the Dead.

[Afendaria]

Afendaria rose from her slumber. She had been reading about Kelemvor all night and long into the morning but finally she was somehow able to find a few hours of rest. When she awoke it was nearly time for lunch. She sleepily came downstairs and walked into main hall of the Ilmater Shrine. There sitting at or working around the long table were familiar faces along with a single stranger, and they all gave their greetings to Afendaria when she approached them. Carys and Elduril were busy working away while the tiefling known as Hinzel was locked in a deep, hushed conversation with the hin known as Poppy-Rose. Standing there today watching over them all was Mercy's Blade Nathan Goldenmane and the Tormite monk known as Simon.

Afendaria immediately began eating tomato soup when it was offered to her. Simon, or “half-shirt” as Afendaria tends to call him, first came to speak to her, telling her that he was an adherent of Torm, and if she were to face the justice of Tyr with her penance, all would go smoothly. This started to cause the fear and confusion to rise again within Afendaria. Nathan however, stated that hopefully it would not come to that and Simon went over to Nathan and the two had a lengthy discussion, presumably about how the ex-Aurilite was going to be handled in the shrine.

Suddenly an elderly lady carrying a large goat over her shoulder entered the shrine. She offered the goat as a donation to the shrine which Carys and Elduril quickly took back to the kitchen. The woman declared herself as some Sister Carver and was looking to see if Sister Ashenie was in. Disappointed that Ashenie was no longer around, the older woman decided to stay for tea. Alan Copperchime also then showed up and this Sister Carver seemed to know Alan and immediately demanded he help mop the floors in the shrine and that he should “Stop his dress play” and “Get a real job”. Sister carver declared Alan was far too old to be toying with plate armour and swords.

Eventually the elderly woman calling herself Sister Carver would address Afendaria and discover the younger woman was there for penance. The two would speak privately in the chapel for a time while others left in the eating area seemed to have a minor dispute over something. Why they would argue baffled the ex-Aurilite, for they were eating colourful raspberry pie, which was no doubt delicious. Who would start arguments while eating such divine dessert? Afendaria would go on to tell Carver in the chapel of her Grandma Betty and all that had happened. Sister Carver was kind and patient, and calmly explained that by showing up to seek penance with Ilmater was already the right step, yet sitting around worrying and crying over it was pointless. Instead she asked Afendaria “What would Betty be doing now? Would she want you to face Tyr and perish?” Sister Carver was trying to point out to the ex-Aurilite that the purpose of being here was not just to answer for the crime but to truly understand the value of the life that was taken—to acknowledge the loss, reflect on its meaning, and determine what could still be done in its wake.

Soon Nathan would join the two in the chapel, and assured Afendaria in a calm, sympathetic tone that the church of Ilmater would deal with her penance alone and that she was on the right path and would grow from it. The justice system of Tyr would not come to play, and if for some reason it did come to involving Tyr, alternative methods would be sought out to make sure the temple of Tyr would not have any say. This was a temple of Ilmater, not a temple of the rest of the Triad, even if Ilmater was a part of the Triad. Sister Carver agreed with the guardian, stating that she would put someone in their place if Tyr got involved.

It had been so confusing for Afendaria. She had already had to tell others of her old faith how she had changed, and with that had already risked the end of her own life at the hand of other Aurilites. When she had arrived initially at the Ilmater Shrine, she didn’t quite understand what penance would look like, especially when suddenly Tyr was thrown into the mix. But after much confusion, fear, and anxiety, finally it became more clear – She was likely to be safe there, faithless as she was, until whatever was needed for her to complete penance would be revealed.

Later that day she was gifted some new clothes and brought some personal items. Afendaria decided she would stick around the shrine for a time now that she realized she was not a prisoner to the place. She also decided she would learn how to bake pies and would also get a dog one day, as Grandma Betty had done in her life. She would come and go that day, and remained mostly within the city limits of Baldur’s Gate.

[ShadowFox13]

3 Ches, 1361

After some of the busiest - and most stressful days at the shrine in recent memory - Sister Carys, novice as she is, bears the weight of her own mistakes if not with grace, than with determination.

The lack of guidance outside of formal lessons with Mother Juna - wonderful as they were - had left the novice adrift, and trying to take responsibility for her own learning into her own hands... to sometimes, potentially disastrous effect. Though her request for guidance and advice had been with all the best of intents, it was also too obvious that it led to fear, and uncertainty, and suffering of many that could have been avoided... and yet, she struggles. Ignorance is not an excuse... but how is she to know better, without guidance? She attends her prayers, and opens herself wholeheartedly in them, and she knows Ilmater is with her, but she is no Saint Merielle - he does not speak in her mind, or grant her great visions. She's just a girl, a few months into her path.

When she had questions about the Law, its application and appropriate use and creation - she was instructed to look to Tyr. When Elduril had come for his Penance, he'd been encouraged to recite his own crime to the Watch (though they decided not to press charges). How was Afendaria, any different? The words of Sir Sean, and even Mother Juna, as she chided Elduril, had rung in her ears. Mercy was not just for the one seeking Penance, but for the victims. For the suffering the actions that led to Penance, left on the world, for the loss of the lives yet to be lived. She had never wanted Afendaria to suffer, or be fearful. She'd truly believed that the whole point... was to find a balance, between Mercy and Justice. Help all who hurt, no matter who they are.... but so too, allow no injustice to go unchallenged. The whole idea of church hierarchy, along with the complication of the Triad, only makes her head throb more.

Later, as Nathan Goldenmane pulled her aside, all of it came crashing down - the weight of her own expectations on herself, the unexpected weight placed by others (though with their own good intent) for her to know more than she should, guide more than she could reasonably provide. She allowed herself to cry all of it out - the anxiousness and fear of letting people down, the worry that she wasn't doing enough, not learning fast enough - not being /good/, enough. The last time she had felt 'enough'... was before her own mother died. The grief, sudden and overwhelming again as she was consumed by that ache for a loved one, taken all too soon. Feeling adrift, even with so many friends offering support... and not knowing how to reach for it without thinking herself a burden.

Nathan held her through it, and offered perhaps the best piece of advice, though hard to take. "Stop trying to do everyone else's job, and focus on just your own. Your job is to tend to the sick, the injured and the needy. To keep the Shrine in working order. To make medicines, and care for the bodies and the Ossuary. To learn from those senior... which I know is hard, when there are few around to do so."

Later, after Sister Carver and others had left, and it was just herself, Nathan, and Simon - Guardian of Torm - The two resolved to be more available for the poor novice, to help in her instruction. Heartened by this, she did ask to be excused for the day, the weariness of it and the night prior which had been filled with restless sleep, catching up with her.

[ShadowFox13]

3 Ches, 1361

With a tempering of her courage and a straightening of her spine, Carys presents herself to Elisia and Afendaria, as they come down the stairs, from the Upper levels of the Shrine of the Suffering. She takes a breath; and bows deeply. "I'm so sorry."

"I was wrong. Even though I acted out of ignorance, that's no excuse... my actions, right as I thought they were, were misguided. I spoke when I should have listened. I disregarded wisdom told straight to my face not even once or twice, but three times. I dug in, when I should have pulled back. I squared myself, when I should have humbled myself.... and in doing so, I could have condemned someone to a fate, a suffering, worse than mere death."

"I will ask for penance, myself... I don't ask you to forgive, what is ultimately unforgivable...but I hope I can one day make up for all that I lacked. It is only through the grace, and guidance, and quick actions of others... that worse didn't happen. I'm so very, very sorry."

More words are exchanged between the three, and Nathan Goldenmane, Elduril looking on as well in a restrained silence; letting her own up to her own mistake, and bear the brunt of any further censure herself. Much was discussed and little decided but Carys did resolve, to do her own penance.

Later, after Nathan called her aside - letting her read words meant for only him - she goes to Mother Juna, for final nightly prayers, and she confesses it all...and asks, to take on a penance of her choosing, as Sister Ashenie was spoken of doing, in addition to what Ilmater would lay before her.

She would return to her Father's home, with Elduril escorting, markedly quiet, contemplative, the red marks of her earlier tears long dried and fading.

[Afendaria]

The ex-Aurilite Afendaria came down the stairs of the shrine and heard Carys' sincerest and deepest apology.

Afendaria recalled the very last words that that Grandma Betty had spoken to her before she had struck the elderly woman down. Betty's final words were what had sent Afendaria on her remorseful and eventual penance seeking path - so she decided to repeat them to Carys.

"I forgive you."

She told the young tiefling all would be well, that there never was any resentment and no harm was done. Afendaria felt no need to hold a grudge against the young tiefling over her mistakes. Afendaria was just happy that she probably wasn't going to have to face Tyr's judgment, having been reassured by others within the shrine that penance likely wouldn't have anything to do with Tyr.

What troubled her more was reports of another Aurilite stopping by the Ilmater shrine looking for her. After forgiving Carys and stopping by the graveyard to pray with Elisia, Afendaria would eventually find her way back to the Wide where she picked up her armor and weapons. She wouldn't wield or make use of them within the Shrine of Suffering but she would defend herself on the streets of Baldur's Gate if conflict arose.

[Afendaria]

Afendaria had just sat down at the long table within the Shrine of Suffering when a tall man entered the shrine. Bearing the symbol of Kelemvor, the man introduced himself as Stanrick and proceeded to give Carys a small donation. Stanrick's long flowing cape bearing the scales of the Great Guide immediately caught Afendaria's attention. She wanted to speak with this man but just as Stanrick the Kelemvorite handed off some gold to Carys the voice of an elderly, holy woman called out from within the Sanctuary.

Revered Mother Juna of Ilmater parted the curtains and slowly stepped out. Everyone bowed their heads in reverence to the Revered Mother. Juna of Ilmater then called for Carys and the young tiefling proceeded to hand her a note. After the Revered Mother had read the message she beckoned Afendaria to follow her and the woman who was once an Aurilite and the Revered Mother disappeared into the depths of the shrine's ossuary.

There beneath the Shrine of Suffering Afendaria would confess her sin to Revered Mother Juna of Ilmater and also explain why she had come to seek penance. They discussed what had changed within Afendaria's heart and what drove her to seek the path she was now on. After patiently listening to Afendaria the Revered Mother took her further into the ossuary and told Afendaria the first task that was required to begin her penance, while also speaking on a future, second task that would require more time, resources, and other adventurers to complete. While discussing these tasks they were suddenly interrupted by another Kelemvorite who had decided to return to work in the ossuary. After calmly telling the interloper to leave the Revered Mother told Afendaria that she would begin her first task right there in the ossuary starting the next day.

The Revered Mother would eventually return to the sanctuary but just before she left the Kelemvorite that had interrupted her earlier called out to her. After a short conversation the Revered Mother agreed to allow Afendaria to come down and help with the bodies stored in the ossuary whenever the Kelemvorite required assistance.

[ShadowFox13]

6 Ches, 1361

As the Shrine of the Suffering hears the news of the demons massing at Ulgoth's, and the plans for another forward assault, Sister Carys begins work preparing to set up a full field triage center before the first of the Northern Barricades. Bandages are rolled, medicines are prepared, and supplies checked and rechecked. Bundles for tents, boxes of tools for the mobile surgery, and bedrolls begin being stacked by the front door of the Shrine, to be transported to the battle lines closer to the day.

[ShadowFox13]

7 - 8 Ches, 1361

"Think on what's been spoken of, of how you are a bringer of hope, how you can help others conquer fear and relieve their burdens."

These were the last words of the lesson, the evening after the battle of Ulgoth's Beard. As it concluded and Carys turned to her thoughts, she looked up to the altar, to the statue of Ilmater situated behind it, and sat with those words. Her vow - penance? Her promise, to herself, to Ilmater, for the silence to better /hear/ the lessons she needed to heed... it was working, no doubt of that - only five days in, with another fifteen to go, she did wonder, who she would be, on the other side. Wiser, hopefully. But.... how to bring hope, when she wasn't sure how? Ilmater was her Hope.... and yet... he didn't have to do anything but be as he was, to do that. Was it.... was it that easy? Could just doing her duty - to the best of her ability - was it enough?

The stories of Saint Merielle, spoke frequently of her own struggle with fear, and doubt. The battle over Billy's soul, the tension between Bhaal's Fear and Ilmater's Hope. In those stories... Ilmater banished doubt, with love. Reassurance. Support.... sometimes, with gifts of items, or knowledge, but rarely. Hope came most from small actions, small signs. The laughter of children on a hard day, the presence of friends, the staunchness of allies...the most important thing to giving the Saint Hope, is that.... they were there. Present, supportive. Listening ears and helping hands.

When she put it like that, it wasn't nearly so daunting as it sounded. She wasn't the best at listening but that's what the two tendays of Silence, were about. Listening and learning. How to be present and supportive, without having all the answers, or explanations... doing what she could, and not overextending herself into answering things, she didn't yet have answers for.

She completed her nightly prayers alongside Mother Juna, and feels lighter than she had in a while. She prays for Elduril, Afendaria, Alan. For the Coast, For the Lower City, For Nathan, Elisia, Simon, Oona....and many, many others. Each as carefully thought as the last, until even those begins to fail her as exhaustion creeps in from the previous days, the long hours waiting during battle and treating the few who were dragged back to the Triage.

She rises, making the sign of the rack on her chest, and heads back to her home with Elduril's patient escort.