Madison Littlefair-random thoughts etc.

[his_dudeness]

As she lays her head on her pillow she is contemplating the reflective nature of her Knight Commander, Sir Jonas Rokranon. The conversation reruns through her mind over and over again like a bad bard's ballad.



Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Hello again, Madison."

Madison Littlefair: *nods and smiles* Hello Sir Jonas.

Madison Littlefair: I was wondering how the preparations for your house are going?
Madison Littlefair: And wondered as well, if there was anything I could do for you.
Madison Littlefair: in regards to the preparations or anything else in general.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I haven't had the time to meet with the appropriate guilds yet. It is the type of thing the person who runs my house would do. . .if I had one." He chuckles, and rubs his eyes a bit. The dark circles beneath them are prominent.

Madison Littlefair: I would be more than happy to oblige if you needed. Sir, may I say it looks like you are pretty worn, eh?

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I know. I'm not sleeping well. Insomnia again; it has come and gone throughout my adult life."

Madison Littlefair: *nods slowly and considers her words* If I may be assistance, please do not hesitate. Insomnia has not stricken me as of yet. *smiles softly*

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Well if you can help me with meeting the appropriate guilds, carpentry, masons, and so on, I'd greatly appreciate it. Also, I've been asking around about the rising tensions between the Gate and Amn. Anything you can find out on that front, I want to know."
He offers a smile, a somewhat sad one. "I pray if you never have to live with the demons that haunt me, Madison."

Madison Littlefair: I pray that as well...I also pray they may no longer haunt you, sir.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "It will. . pass. It always does."

Madison Littlefair: I wll do what I can to set up the appropriate guilds. I will send word out as soon as I get the chance.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: A more sincere smile graces the elder paladin's lips. "Thank you, Madison. I appreciate any assistance."

Madison Littlefair: And...perhaps order you a new bed.*chuckles softly*

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "No, nothing wrong with my bed. It is what I see when I close my eyes that keeps me from sleep."

Madison Littlefair: I am sorry, Sir Jonas. I am sure you have much support from Lady Alistaria, and the priests praying for you day in and day out.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: He rubs his forehead. "I do have Ali's support, but it isn't a malady or anything like that."

Madison Littlefair: *nods as she comprehends* Yes....the things that plague our minds is an enemy that is intangible.One that cannot be smote or rebuked.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: He sighs. "How old are you, Madison?"

Madison Littlefair: Twenty years of age...last month. Errr...twenty-one, rather.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "How many people have you killed. Not monsters, not undead abominations. . .much life life have you taken from humans and similar races?"

Madison Littlefair: *thinks a moment* Not one. I have had to knock out cold a few.

A lie...a lie she did not even realize in her answer to her commander. Many, in fact! How many bandits in their hideout? How many lizardfolk, dryads, tradeway bandits? Orcs? Goblins tremble before her fury. Even the Frost Giants have named her Giant bane, and fear her coming. Hundreds, perhaps thousands have fallen in her wake. So much blood is on her hands, and for what? Glory? Her duty to Torm? Accolades amongst her peers and brothers? Does she really take so much pleasure in the death of others...however evil they may be? Or is she numb so early in her life to the necessary task of killing?


Sir Jonas Rokranon: He nods. "How many people have laid their life down to save yours?"

Madison Littlefair: Actually sacrificed...or willing to?

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Actually sacrficed, and also willing to."

Madison Littlefair: None. But I believe a few may be willing...not that I would ask for that. My father would as I would for him. I trust many in our Order would, as I would for them.

Sir Jonas Rokranon:He nods, and smiles sadly. "Mine numbers in the hundreds if not thousands of lives taken, and lives sacrificed for me. Death takes it's toll on a person, even those deaths who were evil.Adding in those who will still lay their life down. . .it weighs on the soul all the more."

Madison Littlefair: *nods slowly*

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I'm sorry, I don't mean to lay this on you."

Actually, this was the most open and honest she has seen her Commander and it made her feel needed. Like a daughter again. Her own father whom she loves more than anyone had been gone for over a year and a half now. She remembers similar talks with him before he left.

Madison Littlefair: [Talk] The question is...would you change it?

[Rokranon] Sir Jonas Rokranon: [Talk] "Some of it, probably. Not all of it."

Madison Littlefair: *smiles softly once again* We are here to bear each others burdens.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Killing is not glorious as some make it out to be."

Madison Littlefair: No...I guess not.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I fear for some people we know in that regard." He shrugs. "I suppose they have to live with it, not me."

Madison Littlefair:True. Torm and our holy gods have given us strength in blade and ability to smite but... we are also skilled in diplomacy and persuasive speech. Is that a coincidence?

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Sometimes the killing cannot be helped. But yes, we are equipped with other ways to handle situations. Ways that are too often forgotten for the thrill of combat. The glory of battle." He snorts derisively.

She instantly thought of the thrill of battle, hacking down the Frost Giants with her Two-handed sword. Or the long fierce battle with the White Dragon not even a week ago. She realized she, too, likes the thrill of a long fought battle against a strong foe, and immediately checked her thought.

Madison Littlefair: Glory is what comes of our actions...not the actions themselves. Hmm...what I just said could be interpreted "the end justifies the means"...not what I meant by that.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I'm not trying to convince you to be a pacifist. Far from it."
Madison Littlefair: *smiles* Well...I am not convinced, anyway.

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "I only urge you that when you must kill, do not revel in it, even if they are evil. They are still something living that you are crushing, and their true fate lies in the afterlife, wherever they end up. Enjoying it, you become little better than the butchers we are tasked with stopping. Get some rest, Madison. I've got several things to see to."

Madison Littlefair: Of course. You as well. Thank you for your honesty and counsel, Sir Jonas

Sir Jonas Rokranon: "Torm keep you true, Madison."

Madison tossed and turned for a while, wondering if Sir Jonas had gone soft, or became a pacifist.before she realized the man who leads her has the most integrity of anyone she has met...almost to a fault. He was a man...a mere mortal like us all who had much pain and suffering, trying to make sense in death and evil and the cost of fighting it. Madison decided to consider his words deeply.

///thank you rok for a fun conversation and the saved word for word convo as well.///