Doron Amar has become silent again. I stand atop a guard post in watch or spend time outside the open temple. Where words are spoken by the priest but no sound finds me. Perhaps that is my further punishment, to no longer hear the Seldarine. I have been barred, and recently I have caused great harm to those near me.
She does not speak to me, she does not meet my eyes since that day where my deepest anger was brought forth to surface, one I have meticulously kept hidden, kept unseen to keep harm from others. I had no control, and that is my fault. Perhaps I have lost again and there may be no chance at return. I've lost who I am since it all began or rather began again. Perhaps I should have separated but I did not want that, I do not. But I am only ever in the way.
Perhaps I was better off with the curse. A facade might have been far better than what I have done. I do not know and I do not wish to burden any but these pages. Each time I try, I cause harm. At least with these pages only I can write feeling upon them.
Ink shall stain these pages as my thoughts on my heart.
Words have passed, want expressed but what I see others do not. Perhaps I am in the wrong, I have been wandering of late along these roads I have long traveled and know well. Easy answer of Dhaerow being the reason and it is always easily accepted. But I simply walk without destination and only a few strings keep me tethered.
Memories of places I felt apart of are distant and seeking shelter within their confines rings a somber sound in mine heart. Doron Amar, En Dharsha Everae, The Northern Watch, The Sons of Second Dawn, The Whitewood Vanguard. - Each of these I am part of or have been. Some are quiet and only arrive when commotion rings high for them. Some I lost fervor for. Some left me behind. A sting of my right hand is reminder.
What I want is long past, long gone. If I cannot adapt where does it leave me?
//This is a writing that took place before anything recent, player is just forgetful.\\
Hope
Many shadows have accompanied my steps since I last placed quill to page. In so much that the fragments of the memories escape my grasp to hold and recall like sand through my fingers. Even those that would do further harm. But for once I wish to carve this thought of happiness on this page as it does my heart. Within my darkened dwelling light found my sight, though small flashes have pierced through like sun through darkened canopy, small motes as they were. This was a true sight of light, as if one were to step into the full breath of the light of the Sun on a chill day, the warmth I felt I will make attempt to upon this page.
A beautiful beacon before mine eyes though it's beauty was never lost to me, this radiance I see now is- it places a strength within me I felt I once lost. Allowing me to want for accomplishments of mine because of it. I have been hopeful since it has happened.
Do I bring this light? Do others perceive it of me as I have seen of another?
The shadow of battle is on the horizon, my prayers I continue to speak to you who has held us in your hands. I hope they reach though not for myself. I've want of it for her, for kin. I do not know how to show my fervor in want to protect them. Action has only ever been the means that I can. Words I attempt in express, though I know my words bite at times but if they truly knew me they would understand. I wish they could see. Few have. I will aid them how I can. I will do every bit that my body will allow me to do for her, for them. With care for me or not, it does not matter. I heard whispers of a scouting party, I will follow them to aid. Perhaps I can fell those that would bring trouble.
If I am lost in this endeavour, if I fall, if I am called to her side. I beg of you if this is found that you keep going, that you do not wrap yourself in shadow again. That you continue to be the light that you are. Though my waking eyes may not see it, I will be near in every beat of heart. In every whisper of wind that you feel. I am not gone and we will reunite as the cycle asks of us. I beg of you do not anguish if my waking eyes you know are closed, they will open again and I will find you with my new eyes. Please hear these words I ask of you with my voice that could not speak them. We will not be apart for long.
